“Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides” has mermaids, zombies, a pair of Oscar winners hamming it up, Keith Richards (wait, I already mentioned ‘zombies’), Spaniards…and it’s STILL boring as hell!
Don’t get me wrong: I didn’t hate the movie and it’s not actively terrible. (Ala something like “Spider-Man 3” with emo Peter Parker jazz dancing his way into cinematic infamy). I just found the fourth “Pirates” movie to be mostly disengaging and lacking in surprises, originality or excitement.
Johnny Depp is back in the role that has made him millions and millions and millions and…you get the idea. In this installment, Disney really gets its money’s worth because Jack is more front-and-center than ever as he races to the Fountain of Youth against foes both old (Geoffrey Rush’s Captain Barbossa, now working for King George) and new (Ian McShane’s Blackbeard and Penelope Cruz’s Angelica, who may or may not be Blackbeard’s daughter, but is most certainly a former love interest of Jack’s.)
“On Stranger Tides” is a do-over of sorts after the increasingly — and some would say unnecessarily — complicated second and third films in the franchise. I was one of those people who thought the sequels (especially the third one) had WAY too many characters/subplots and had a few too many scenes that focused on pirate law. (Yawn.) By contrast, the plot of the new movie is relatively simple: everyone is trying to get to the Fountain of Youth for reasons I won’t spoil here.
The problem is that when you have such a relatively simple storyline, you need a director with a flair for action and a knack for pacing. Unfortunately, Rob Marshall (a former Oscar nominee for “Chicago”, one of my favorite movies) doesn’t have any idea how to make an exciting action movie. (At least not yet.)
Sure, there are bursts of action — I enjoyed Jack’s early escape from King George’s clutches, and the first encounter with the lovely, vicious mermaids is the movie’s best scene — but the rest of the time is spent on repetitive exposition (too much time spent with characters on ships or trudging through the jungle TALKING about what they’re doing) or recycled action sequences. For example, Jack’s initial sword fight with a disguised Angelica is basically a remake of his first sword fight with Orlando Bloom’s Will Turner in the first “Pirates” movie.
Also, you’re gonna scoff at what I’m about to say, but bear with me: this movie has TOO MUCH Jack Sparrow.
I remember watching the third movie and being horrified at the idea that Jack didn’t even show up until about the 30-minute mark. However, in re-watching the movies recently I was surprised to realize that Depp generally had a lot less screen time than I remembered. Most of the plot-driving, dramatic heavy lifting was done by Bloom and Keira Knightley in the previous movies. Meanwhile, Jack was the guy who stumbled in, slurred a joke and scurried away having stolen the scene.
In “On Stranger Tides”, Depp still delivers some laughs, but Jack is more of a conventional action hero. (He has a love interest, for crying out loud!) I don’t think the role looks as good on him.
Speaking of Bloom and Knightley, the new movie tries to somewhat replicate their romance by giving us a storyline between a missionary named Philip (Sam Claflin) who falls in love with a mermaid named Syrena (Astrid Berges-Frisbey). The only problem is we don’t really have much of a reason to invest in their romance other than both of them being young and attractive (and Disney trying to hit as many different demos as possible).
I felt similar apathy toward Blackbeard. Unlike previous baddies Barbossa and Captain Davy Jones — who were given ample back story and were relatively three-dimensional characters — Blackbeard is mostly a one-note villain. The great Ian McShane does what he can (and he actually makes a great pirate), but there’s just not much to work with here. Same with Penelope Cruz, who is mostly there to verbally (and physically) spar with Jack and show a little cleavage. (But not too much…this IS a Disney movie, after all.) Sure, Angelica may or may not be Blackbeard’s daughter. The problem is no one cares.
When Johnny Deep debuted Jack Sparrow almost a decade ago, his performance was a delightful surprise and he became a new kind of action hero.
The bottom line with “On Stranger Tides” is that watching him do a lot of the same stuff is just not as exciting — especially when your director builds a boring, action movie around you.
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides…C
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