Toy Story 3 Review

I’m kind of a huge “Toy Story” fan.

The original movie is on my desert island list that I’ve never actually bothered to put together. (It’s mostly because whenever I start thinking about what movies I’d want to have if I were stranded on a desert island, I start to wonder where I’d plug in a TV or DVD player and I get sidetracked the way this paragraph got sidetracked.)

I was a kid when “Toy Story” opened in 1995, so I can’t help but feel like I’ve somewhat grown up along with Andy, the story’s main human character. I’m also a person who once participated in an extended “Toy Story vs. Lion King” debate with my girlfriend. (Nobody else was around, but trust me — I won.)

What I’m trying to tell you is that I had MAJOR expectations for “Toy Story 3.” I was scared too. I was afraid after the phenomenal artistic and financial success of “Toy Story 2” that the people at Pixar had gone back to the well one too many times.

I’m ecstatic to report that “Toy Story 3” exceeded my incredibly high expectations.

Tom Hanks and Tim Allen are back as the voices of Woody and Buzz Lightyear, respectively. Woody and Buzz are still the leaders of Andy’s toys, who haven’t been played with nearly as often as Andy has gotten older and are in danger of being thrown out when Andy heads to college.

The group winds up in a day-care center run by Lotso, a drawlin’, gentlemanly hugging bear who smells like strawberries. Lotso shows Woody and Co. around the day care center and things appear to be too good to be true. (Suffice it to say, they are!)

I don’t want to give too much else away – I was completely delighted throughout the entire thing, and I’d hate to rob someone of that experience.

I will, however, lightly touch on what makes “Toy Story 3” such a terrific movie.

The best thing about the movie is that it’s for everyone. It doesn’t matter if you’re a boy or a girl, a child or an adult, a longtime fan (like me) or someone who doesn’t enjoy animated flicks – there’s something here for you. The genius of the movie (and pretty much every Pixar production) is the way the creative team achieves that sort of mass appeal while still creating fully-realized, impressively-detailed characters.

It’s almost as if every character lives in his/her/its own world (the way, you know, people do) and they just happen to be happily colliding with each other in this story. That means Rex is still endearingly cowardly, Mr. Potato Head is still grouchy, Jesse the Cowgirl is still stung by being abandoned by her previous owners.

Of course, they’re all lead by Woody and Buzz. Hanks and Allen both do excellent, joyful work in returning to their familiar roles. Hanks, especially, shines in conveying Woody’s attachment to (and pending detachment from) Andy and from the rest of his friends. Woody’s selflessness in wanting to remain with his friends and wanting to be there for Andy make him even more heroic here than he was in each previous installment. Even the fact that all these toys want is “to be played with” (and to bring joy to a little kid) is inherently selfless.

That’d be all well and good, but the movie also excels in introducing a host of new characters. Lotso (Ned Beatty) Southern manners make him a disarmingly nasty villain. (He even gets a semi-faux melodramatic back story.) Michael Keaton is an absolute riot as a Ken doll henchman of Lotso’s, who has a complex about being a girls’ toy. (See what I mean about each character having their own issues?) I was also a big fan of the troupe of toys who take their playtime acting very seriously. Finally, I doubt I’ll see a freakier/funnier sight this summer than Big Baby, Lotso’s muscle.

Did I mention that “Toy Story 3” is also the funniest movie I’ve seen all year? Or that it features several downright exhilarating action set pieces? The movie opens with a wonderfully delirious fantasy sequence and its climax features an escape that rivals the plans in “Ocean’s Eleven” and “The Great Escape” in giddy complexity.

Also, the incredibly emotional last 30 minutes of the movie left me feeling like an absolute wreck. (But in a fantastic way.)

I obviously don’t want to get too much into the ending. I’ll just say that the movie’s conclusion is incredibly rewarding for any parent with grown children who wishes they were still little. For any young person about to realize they’ll never really be a kid again. For any person who became incredibly attached to something in their childhood.

That last message is especially poignant in these times, when kids are much more likely to attach themselves to the latest electronic device designed to allow them to act like grownups. The toys in “Toy Story” are as relentlessly old-fashioned as the idea of letting kids use their own imagination during play time.

“Toy Story 3”, in its story and in the execution of that story, reinforces the point that imagination is king.

Toy Story 3…A

Sex and the City 2 Review

“More like Sex and the Shitty!”

That was going to be the opening line to my review of “Sex and the City 2” before I actually saw the thing this past weekend. What?! The reviews were absolutely terrible. And don’t act like you’ve never made your mind up about a movie before you saw it.

After having watched the much-anticipated(?) sequel, I’ll be damned if I actually kind of enjoyed myself. (This review is brought to you by “Low Expectations.”)

Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristen Davis and Cynthia Nixon reprise their iconic roles in the sequel, which curiously takes the foursome out of New York City for most of the movie after Samantha (Cattrall) secures a vacation in Abu Dhabi for her friends. (“More like Sex and the Desert”?) Though I didn’t love the idea of leaving NYC — the city really was a character throughout most of the show — the sequel made enough improvements over the original movie for me to overlook that faux-pas.

My two biggest problems with the first flick were 1.) the four main characters spent way too much time apart (Samantha was in freakin’ L.A.!) and 2.) they forgot to make it funny. The sequel smartly remedies point #1 by whisking the four women away to a foreign country so that they’d have no choice but to hang out together. As for point #2 — I guess it’s up to you (and your tolerance of painful puns like “Lawrence of My Labia” and “Abu Dhabi Doo!”) to decide how funny the movie actually was, but at least they tried! (Seriously — those puns are guaranteed to make you audibly groan and shake your head.)

Unfortunately, the movie is not able to escape all the problems that plagued its predecessor — mainly the fact that there’s no reason for this thing to exist!

The TV series ended with all four of the women finding their happily ever after, so for there to be a movie writer/director Michael Patrick King had to work overtime to manufacture conflict (Big getting cold feet, Steve cheating on Miranda...which I still contend would NEVER happen.)

In the sequel, the main conflict comes from Carrie (Parker) overreacting to some bitchy comment a fan of hers made at a wedding, in regards to her and Big being alone with each other for the rest of their lives. Carrie flips out over the idea that she and Big are going to become a “boring old married couple” and winds up perilously close to being back in the arms of former beau Aiden (John Corbett). Maybe it’s because I’m a guy, but I found it EXTREMELY difficult to be on Carrie’s side in this conflict. I mean, basically she was annoyed that all Big wanted to do was stay at home and spend time with HER, while she wanted to go out clubbing with her friends.

Making your audience think that your protagonist is a moron isn’t usually the way to go.

The problems the rest of the gang face — Samantha vs. menopause, Charlotte struggling with motherhood and a bra-averse hot nanny, Miranda vs. a crappy box — aren’t exactly earth-shattering, but at least they’re a LOT less bratty than Carrie’s issues

Then again, the movie’s biggest problem is that Michael Patrick King really has no business writing or directing a feature film. I touched on the awful puns before, but King’s biggest problem is that he has absolutely no idea how to properly pace a movie, resulting in his second straight feature film that really shouldn't be two and a half hours long. I mean, did we really need to see the ladies walking across the desert in slow motion? Or Charlotte falling off a camel? Or watching the women perform “I Am Woman” in its entirety at a karaoke bar. Any sort of skilled editor could easily chop 45 minutes off this thing.

I was also disappointed to see the men in this flick — besides Chris Noth’s Mr. Big — get the short shrift. I get that it’s all about the ladies, but it’d be nice to get a little reminder as to why these women fell for these guys in the first place. It’s especially a shame because David Eigenberg (Steve) and Evan Handler (Harry) are extremely likable performers. Oh well, at least Raza Jeffrey (as Carrie’s personal butler) acquitted himself quite well.

Since I’ve already established that this movie really has no reason for existing, I would’ve liked to have seen more sequences that were balls-out bananas, like the wedding (or “gay wedding” as Big referred to it) between Stanford and Anthony early in the movie. The sight of Liza Minelli completely throwing herself into “Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)” was, for better or worse (mostly worse), one of the most mesmerizing visuals you’re going to get in any movie this year. (Or any other year.)

While I still don’t think anyone would confuse this for a good movie, I enjoyed myself because it took a couple of big swings. I also like that the story actually went for laughs this time around and reinforced the strong bond between the four main characters.

Sex and the City 2…C

Lost: I Didn't Know Jack

There are a lot of reasons that I haven’t written down my thoughts on the “Lost” series finale until now, four days later.

1.) I’ve been extra busy at work because Memorial Day pushed up our deadlines this week. 2.) I’ve been putting off writing what will be (sniff) my last official word on one of my favorite shows. 3.) I’m lazy as hell.

The problem is none of those reasons are true. 1.) Yes, I’ve been busy (and a little sick too), but that hasn’t stopped me from pumping out recaps of (and incorrect predictions for) the “American Idol” and “Dancing with the Stars” finales, as well as a semi-detailed wrap-up of “24.” 2.) That’s BS too. The season 6 DVD comes out in August, and you can bet I’ll be re-watching it in light of what we learned in the series finale. Also, I can’t imagine NOT referencing “Lost” in one way or another in my writing and conversations for years to come. 3.) Ok, there’s no arguing with #3.

Still, the real reason is that I needed a few days to digest this epic two-and-a-half-hour episode (that was really more like one-and-a-half, thanks to those omnipresent commercials).

Here were my thoughts immediately after the end of “The End” — I was both incredibly moved by the story it told and I was absolutely impressed by the epic-scale of this TV presentation. (The overhead shots when Jack and Locke were fighting on that cliff were breathtaking — even if Jack’s Falcon punch going into the preceding commercial break made me laugh out loud.)

The only problem was that I really didn’t know what the hell had just happened.

As I’m sure you know, there are a lot of different theories and interpretations out there, but the consensus seems to be that the six-season-long drama on the Island actually happened and the Sideways world we followed this entire season was basically Jack Shephard’s personal limbo.

I’m inclined to believe this interpretation and I also think it was a neat trick to make the Sideways world limbo/purgatory, since people had been guessing for years that the Island itself was purgatory.)

I really liked this finale revelation because (I’m not proud to say) Jack, with his raging stubbornness and his addiction to fixing everything, was always the character I identified with the most. (We all wish we were cool and quippy like Sawyer or lovable like Hurley, but a lot of us are Jacks and we’re afraid to admit it.) However, I also completely understand why people had problems with the finale.

I’m guessing if you had problems with the finale, it was for one of two big reasons: 1.) You demanded answers (that you knew deep down the show was never going to give you). 2.) You hate Jack.

To the Jack-haters, I feel your pain. After that heroic first half of season one, the good doc became more and more of a pill until his hard-headedness became downright unbearable. Still, you can’t be THAT shocked that the season 6 story (and to a lesser extent, the story of “Lost”) ended up being about Jack. This season was all about Jack humbling himself and accepting his limitations, and I think the change looked good on Matthew Fox. If you want to go further back, look at the show’s iconic first image — Jack opening his eye in the jungle! (How else would you expect it to end other than by having Jack’s eye close in the very same spot?)

The answers-demanders have a much more legitimate gripe, in my opinion. As I mentioned before, people in this category HAD to know the series finale was not going to answer all their questions (otherwise, they haven’t been paying attention all this time). There’s actually not much I can say to make these people happy because I don’t have the answers.

I think what we have in this case is a philosophical difference. Most shows on TV (and works of fiction in general) introduce a mystery/question and eventually answer it, while a select few encourage viewers to puzzle out the answers themselves. “Lost” obviously falls in the latter category. In my opinion, the show presented us — over the course of six years — with enough evidence for us to come up with our own answers as to why women who get pregnant on the Island die, or why the Others kidnapped Walt, or why Sun didn’t time travel back to 1977, along with the rest of the Oceanic 6, etc.

Here’s where the philosophical difference comes in. You can read my previous paragraph and say, “Screw that…I actually want to REALLY know why women couldn’t have babies on the Island?” OR you can go back, analyze what we’ve all seen and come to your own conclusion. I don’t think either response is incorrect, but the second response takes much more work. What’s more, even when “Lost” tried the direct approach (Michael explaining to Hurley the origin of the Whispers), I felt like it was clumsy and unnatural.

What I’m saying is that I can totally understand why the answer-demanders are frustrated (why should TV have to be work?!), but I definitely fall in the other category. I LOVE that “Lost” has engaged my imagination all these years whereas, in contrast, people probably stop thinking about the latest “NCIS” the minute it’s over. (Then again, NCIS is the #1 scripted show on TV, while “Lost” struggled in the ratings toward the end, so what do I know?)

(Of course, there’s a very strong chance that I’m full of it and that the producers simply wrote themselves into a corner, ran out of time and couldn’t possibly explain all the mysteries they introduced.)

Ok, I’m tired of blabbing (and you’re tired of reading) about all this Big Picture stuff regarding the end of “Lost.” Here are some stream of consciousness thoughts on the finale itself.

- Although I’ve expressed that I liked the twist of having the Sideways world be Jack’s limbo, I still have a few issues with the Sideways storytelling device.

1.) If this was all told from Jack’s perspective, did we REALLY need Sideways episodes dedicated to stuff like Ben’s high school-level scheming and Sayid pining after Nadia — in other words, stuff that had NOTHING to do with Jack. I get that we needed to see what those characters were up to and how they’d eventually be put in a position to recall their Island lives, but all those episodes seem somewhat like a waste of time since they were basically supporting players in Jack’s story.

2.) On a completely selfish level, I HATED that Jack’s son David was never real. (I now see Sideways Locke’s “You don’t HAVE a son” line was meant to be harsh.) Whereas most of the other characters welcomed the idea of remembering their Island past, Jack was definitely the most resistant and I’m guessing his reconciliation with his son (which probably ended up being a manifestation of Jack’s wish to reconcile with his own dead dad) the main reason why.

- Speaking of those Island Enlightenment moments, I found pretty much all of them incredibly touching. You could say the circumstances in the Sideways world were incredibly contrived, but that world was basically revealed to be a fantasy, so I can overlook that. My favorite part was recognizing each moment right before it happened. For example, I got chills right before Juliet showed Sun and Jin their baby for the first time, meanwhile, my girlfriend Erica totally called Kate helping Claire deliver her baby. (I’d also throw in the moment with Jack and Anti-Locke lowering Desmond into the cave mirroring Jack and Locke lowering Kate into the hatch…where Desmond was.)

- I’ve even come to accept the Sayid/Shannon reunion. At first, I was as confused and annoyed as you, then I realized that this is Jack’s purgatory. I don’t think Jack ever really saw Nadia as the love of Sayid’s life — to him, Sayid and Shannon meant to be together. (Or they just wanted to shoe-horn Maggie Grace into the finale.)

- When/why did Desmond and Hurley find time to re-Enlighten Boone, of all people? (Nice to see Ian Somerhalder back.)

-Speaking of Hurley, I thought Jorge Garcia (an underrated dramatic actor) was all-around outstanding in this episode. I LOVED how happy he was to see Charlie (kinda alive) again in the Sideways world. I LOVED the speech he gave Sayid about the Iraqi (or Pakistani, as his mom might say) torturer not believing what people say about him. I also LOVED that he ended up being the Island guardian, with Ben as his #2.

- In a related story, who else wants to see a little bit of “Lost: The Burley Years”? By the way, the quick “You were a great #2” exchange between Ben and Hurley is my strongest argument against people who say the passengers of Oceanic 815 died in the original plane crash. That line CLEARLY implied that they worked together on the Island for years.

- Underrated touching moment: Locke forgiving Ben before he went into the church. I’ll probably miss Terry O’Quinn and Michael Emerson doing their thing together most of all.

- O’Quinn gave TWO Emmy-worthy performances this year. Just sayin’.

- So Kate, of all people, actually ended up saving the day. Though the character caught a lot of flack over the years (Evangeline Lilly’s work was always strong though), I feel like the finale more than redeemed her. Kate shot Anti-Locke, FINALLY made a choice between Jack and Sawyer, AND wore a really short tight dress. (Notice she had changed clothes to something more appropriate once she was actually in church — she didn’t want to arrive in heaven looking like a hooker.)

She also had, arguably, the best line: “Christian Shephard? Seriously?” (She turned out to be more right than we knew.)

- I have to side with the answer-demanders on two points.

1.) I REALLY wish we’d gotten at least a little more background on the Island. I can accept the light/source, but what about that cork business? I get that uncorking Island effectively killed the light/source (which had been giving Anti-Locke his power, thereby making him mortal) and that re-corking it restored the Island’s magic. I’m more wondering about the mechanical aspects of the Island.

Also, why is the Island able to move?

2.) Also, what WAS the deal with Desmond and why was he so special in what turned out to be Jack’s story. I mean, the dude wasn’t even on the original Oceanic 815. My best guess is that Desmond being the actual cause of Oceanic 815’s crash probably had something to do with it.

So what’d you think of this episode? What was your favorite Island Enlightenment moment? (For me, it was Sun and Jin, especially since they were so happy to be back together and Jin was so amused that Sawyer was a cop.) Why do you think Ben wasn’t ready to join his friends and move on? (Did he feel like he needed to atone more or did he simply want to spend more time with Alex and Rosseau?) Finally, what did YOU think of “The End” of “Lost”?

American Idol: Two Much Pressure

Since I hate this season of “American Idol” so much and I’m pretty thrilled that it’s almost over, I’m going to keep my final recap relatively short:

Lee DeWyze CHOKED.

I take almost no pleasure in this because Lee really seems like a nice guy who was completely overwhelmed by the 7,000-seat Nokia Theatre, the same way he seemed overwhelmed during his first live TV performances in the semifinal round.

The little pleasure I do take has little to do with Lee — it’s more directed at the judges who worked weekends and overtime to convince us (and him) that he was a worthy frontrunner/winner.

I’ve said it before (probably only to my girlfriend Erica), but I’ll say it again. If Lee were to win, he’d be the worst winner in the show’s nine-season run.

“Hey!” you’re undoubtedly saying. “What about Ruben Studdard and Taylor Hicks?” While those two former “Idols” may have mostly flopped in the music marketplace, I defy you to go back and watch their “Idol” runs and tell me they were worse than Lee “I’d finish seventh place in a half-decent season” DeWyze. Hicks, for one, was both a more consistent singer AND a more electrifying performer. (Then again, the wheelchair-bound Artie from “Glee” is a more electrifying performer than Lee.) The only real advantage that Lee has is his admittedly distinct and contemporary tone.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying Lee can’t win. Actually, the fact that people are beating him up as badly (or even worse) than I did in my previous paragraph could result in him getting a significant sympathy vote. More importantly, Lee’s major voting bloc (the young girls with their deafening screams) are much more likely to power text than Crystal’s fan base (middle-aged folk aficionados?)

But again, I’m going to stop beating up on Lee because it’s not his fault that he was hyped as the frontrunner he wasn’t.

Coming into the finale, I felt that there was the strong possibility that Crystal could wipe the floor with him. In contrast, I felt like the best Lee could hope for was a draw. What we got was the former.

Whereas Lee appeared intimidated by his new surroundings, Crystal Bowesox (pictured, right) seemed reinvigorated by the bigger stage (both literal and figurative) and really brought it Tuesday night.

I fundamentally hate the idea of a Contestants Redux round. (How can an “Idol” possibly hope to surpass a previous standout performance?) Suffice it to say neither contestant quite reached the level of their original performance, but at least Crystal got the room jumping with her upbeat finish on “Me and Bobby McGee.” (For the record, Lee sounded fine on “The Boxer” – just didn’t bring anything new to the table.)

Up next was the Simon Fuller Round, in which the “Idol” producers handpicked two tracks for the finalists to cover.

Neither one of them set the world on fire, but I found Crystal’s take on “Black Velvet” (despite its occasional screechiness and the feeling that she was going to fall down and bust her ass at any time) considerably less annoying than Lee’s cover of “Everybody Hurts.” Maybe it’s me, but I just don’t feel like you can (or should) go to the gospel choir well two weeks in a row. If Lee insists on clinging to his guitar for dear life and not working the stage, why not put the spotlight on him and do the song up acoustic style? I actually think this was a terrific choice for Lee (and “Black Velvet” was a bad choice for Crystal), and that’s why I’m disappointed he didn’t do more with it.

Then again, there’s probably a reason why Lee (and Crystal) almost always perform with their guitars. When they don’t, they seem to wander around the stage, not really knowing what to do with their hands or how to interact with the other musicians.

This unfortunately happened to Lee during his rendition of U2’s “Beautiful Day”, set to be released as his first single in the event he wins. Kara was right — Lee got lost in the shuffle of violin players, but to me the biggest offense was wimping out on the chorus’s high notes and not fully engaging the audience or embracing the experience. The guy just looked like he wanted to get it over with.

On the other hand, when Crystal took the stage for her final performance — Patty Griffin's “Up to the Mountain” — you could just feel like you were in good hands. I’m not convinced that Crystal would have a contemporary radio hit on her hands with this recording, but it undoubtedly delivered as a true, unmanufactured, capital-M Moment on the “Idol” stage. Crystal kept the spotlight on herself and delivered an emotional yet controlled performance that would’ve sealed her victory in an ideal world

But what’d you think of this episode? Is Randy Jackson actually mentally challenge? (He complained about “Me and Bobby McGee” “starting out slow” — the song starts out slow before it picks up, ding-dong!) Did you like that they ditched the traditional original coronation song? (They’re usually awful, but I missed making fun of how awful they are.) Finally, who do you think will win and who do you think SHOULD win? I think Crystal will AND should win. Lee was SO bad last night (when you consider it was the finals) that a win by him would be a joke. (Then again, what better way to wrap up this terrible season?)

Thanks for reading (and suffering) along with me these past few months. Enjoy the finale!

24: The Final Countdown

There were a lot of contradictions coming into the final episode of “24.”

As much as I’ve loved and enjoyed the show over the years (as I suspect many others have), it’s hard to get too broken up about its cancelation. Not only had the writers basically run out of moles to install in CTU or nuclear weaponry to threaten American cities with, but the show — with its novel, self-contained concept — was really lucky to be on the air more than a few seasons, so getting eight years was an incredible gift.

Then there’s the fact that Kiefer Sutherland and Co. have not made a secret of the fact that they intend to make at least one “24” movie. Since the movie would obviously continue to follow Jack Bauer’s misadventures (unless it was a prequel), that knowledge robbed the series finale of some drama, since we knew it was highly unlikely Jack would die.

One more: the show’s cancelation was announced in the middle of the season, which meant the ending was presumably in the can. Although the end of “24” is a BIG deal, what we got was a relatively no-frills finale that I’m assuming was intentionally open-ended in case the show got renewed. It felt like the show’s final episode SHOULD have been a bit bigger, but there was no way to do that.

All these contradictions were floating around my mind as I settled in to watch the show’s swan song, but I found that most of those worries went away thanks to a solid final two hours of entertainment.

Remember how Jack was apparently bleeding to death after being wounded by a Russian security guard? Well, that was resolved pretty easily after Jack kidnapped Jason Pillar and forced him to suture the wound after sneaking Jack into the building across from the U.N. (Could that security guard REALLY not see Jack crouched in the backseat?) After knocking Pillar unconscious (J.P. Injury #1), Jack picked his spot and pulled out his sniper rifle.

Before he got down to business, he recorded a somber video message explaining the nature of his actions, in the event that he wound up dead or in prison. At first, I assumed he was recording the message for his daughter, but now it occurs to me that he was probably recording it as a sort of general testament that Chloe or someone else could use to expose the truth.

Speaking of the truth, let’s talk a little about Dalia Hassan. As good and compelling as the Jack stuff was (as it usually is), I think Cherry Jones and, ESPECIALLY, Necar Zadegan acted their asses off during that first hour.

Kayla informed her mother Dalia about Meredith Reed’s phone call and allegations about the Russian’s involvement in President Hassan’s death. Dalia confronted President Taylor about it. Taylor tried to put on a defense, but her actions over the last several hours (what with her losing her mind) have clearly taken a toll on her and Jones did an excellent job in conveying that Taylor simply didn’t have the strength to lie anymore.

This led to an intense, emotional and excellent scene between the two leaders which resulted in Dalia VERY begrudgingly agreeing to sign the peace treaty after President Taylor threatened nuclear action. (I believe she’d like that pen back.) Zadegan deserves to have more work after this powerhouse performance.

Dalia could barely disguise her disdain when Yuri, the Russian president arrived. Jack almost made Dalia a very happy lady by taking Yuri out — but Chloe had to go and interfere.

Since Jack had bugged Logan, he knew about Yuri’s involvement. Jack trained his sniper rifle on Logan and demanded that he summon Yuri to his office. Meanwhile, Cole and Chloe learned from Jim Ricker (why did they use Michael Madsen so little in this finale?) that Jack had a copy of the recording implicating the Russians in the day’s assassination plot. Chloe went to look for Jack to try to talk him down from the ledge, but Jack responded by putting her in a sleeper hold. (That sound you heard was my heart breaking.)

Chloe woke up and was eventually able to convince Jack not to assassinate Yuri and assured him that she’d see his mission all the way through and expose the conspiracy. However, to make it look like Chloe had legitimately caught Jack, she had to shoot him. Just terrific, intense work from Sutherland and Mary Lynn Rajskub, who, despite being known for her cranky quips, really ended up being a great dramatic actress.

The bullet ended up going completely through Jack, which made Jason Pillar suspicious. (I thought it was funny that the untrained Chloe’s gunshot ended up being too good.) Pillar creepily searched her for Jack’s audio file, but she had hid it in her phone. (Really, Jason? You didn’t think to look in there?) Pillar eventually figured out what happened, leading to CTU tool Burke foiling Chloe before she could send the info to Arlo so he could broadcast it. It also led to J.P. Injury #2 after Jack Mike Tysoned Pillar’s ear to buy Chloe some time.

The evidence got back to Logan, who handed it over to Taylor. It was always clear that Taylor would eventually confess what she’d done, but the show still found a nice way to dramatize the decision. Taylor backed out of signing her beloved peace agreement.

Unfortunately, she’d already put a hit out on Jack after Logan convinced her that Jack would never EVER stop hunting Yuri as long as he was alive. She tried to thwart the ambush (nice work from Tim Woods in this scene), but it was too late.

Taylor tried to reach Logan, but my boy was not going down easy. He knocked Jason Pillar out with J.P. Injury #3 and #4 (I actually felt bad for the guy) and turned the gun on himself. I thought that was going to be the end of Logan, but (again!) there’s a movie to think about and Logan is WAY too delicious a villain to kill off.

Meanwhile, Jack’s convoy had been ambushed and he had been captured. (I like that he was fighting till the very end, even with his hands cuffed behind him.) Fortunately, President Taylor was able to reach his captors using a CTU drone and called them off. She told Jack she was going to turn herself in and that he’d have to do the same. By that same token, she gave him a little bit of time to allow for his escape.

That led to the second hour’s best scene in which Jack told Chloe that she was the only person…who’d ever covered his back. (Was I the only one who thought he might use the L-word?)

And that’s where our story ends. Our president will resign in disgrace (Cherry Jones deserved better) and our hero will disappear for a while…before coming to a theatre near you.

So what’d you think of this episode? Why bring in Eriq LaSalle (“ER”) in the final hour, but give him nothing to do? Do you think the show would’ve ended differently if the writers had known this was the final season ahead of time?

Dancing with the Stars: The Bedroom Dance

Tuesday night is going to be interesting.

(No, I’m not talking about the last performance of episode of “American Idol” — that show has no shot at being interesting this year!)

I’m talking about the crowning of a new champion on “Dancing with the Stars” — and the handing over of that simultaneously glorious and hideous mirrorball trophy.

Coming into Monday night’s performance episode, I would’ve bet money on an Evan win. He had the technical goods and I believe he has the fan support.

However, heading into Tuesday’s finale Evan found himself on the bottom of the judges’ leader board. On top of that, Erin Andrews, the darkest (and blondest) of dark horses found herself tied for the lead with Nicole Scherzinger, who really may be the best celebrity dancer this show has ever seen.

How did we get here? I’m glad you asked.

Erin Andrews and Maks: I hate to be conspiracy theory guy, but it felt to me as if the judges were working overtime to give Erin a boost (and to keep Evan down — more on that later). Then again, this is “Dancing with the Stars” — nothing’s really at stake other than that hid-glorious trophy, so even if it IS fixed, who cares, right?

For her redemption round, Erin performed the samba, which was a great choice for her since she has vastly improved on her Latin dances over the course of the competition. And the dancing portions of her performance were indeed impeccable. The problem I had is that she didn’t dance enough. I thought there were too many shenanigans in the beginning with Maks threatening to take off his vest and thinking better of it. There was also a fair bit of “messing about” toward the end of the performance. I was shocked Len didn’t call them out on it, and I was even more shocked they earned two 10s from the judges. I was about to call Bruno the lone voice of reason for giving her a 9, but then I remembered him screaming “look at your ass!” at Erin during rehearsals. “Bruno” and “voice of reason” do not belong in the same sentence.

As for their freestyle — I liked Erin’s attempt at trying something different and making a bold move because she IS the dark horse. Although she didn’t embarrass herself by any means, her Mandy Moore (not that one) contemporary routine was admirably competent at best and a head-scratcher at worst. Maybe I'm just spoiled by all the incredible contemporary dancing on "So You Think You Can Dance."

Evan Lysacek and Anna: Len came to work with the couple on their Viennese waltz and made sure Evan understood that he needed to connect with Anna throughout the dance.

Though I would’ve liked to have seen more moments of connection between the two, the routine was so damn fast they barely had any time to look at each other. That being said, I thought Evan executed his VERY challenging dance excellently while also keeping the performance fun and delightful.

The run up to their freestyle was considerably less delightful. Evan — seemingly under the impression that he was WAY behind Nicole and needed to put out something incredible — put too much pressure on himself and on Anna, causing her to have a mini-meltdown and say “it’s your freestyle, do whatever you want.” (I say that all the time myself.) They brought in a choreographer who was allegedly supposed to split the difference, but it seems like Evan won out in the end. (Anna had a bummed, “I told you so” glint in her eye during the judges’ overly harsh critiques.)

For what it’s worth, I really enjoyed their freestyle. Yes, Evan was dancing SO hard that there was a whiff of desperation emanating from this performance, but this was one of his last dances this season and he SHOULD be dancing hard. I also thought their aerials were really impressive. Carrie Ann (Stickler Ms. Stickleton) busted them for not being completely in synch in their side-to-side work. From what I saw, there were times when they weren’t supposed to be doing the same side-to-side moves (and when they did, they were perfectly together), so I didn’t think this was a fair criticism.

I still believe Evan has the biggest fan bases, and I believe the judges and the producers know this. If he had been at the top (or even in second place) heading into Tuesday, you had to like his chances to win. Now, I don’t know.

Nicole Scherzinger and Derek: Usually, “Dancing with the Stars” fans have a strong resentment for the season’s “ringer.” However, Nicole has been SO good (and not as annoying as you might expect her to be), that lately I’ve started thinking that maybe fans of the show will reward her with the championship.

Personally, I don’t get mad at ringers for being really good — it’s just that I PREFER seeing someone with little or no dance experience improve before my eyes. Still, a part of me likes having the ringers around because they can deliver performances regular non-semi-pros simply can’t.

Take Nicole’s rumba last night. Absolutely excellent and scorching hot. Usually, the rumbas on this show are sweet and dreamy, hence their status as "the bedroom dance." But as soon as Nicole came out in her red lingerie/costume, we knew we were in for something different. Boo to Carrie Ann for denying them their rightful 10 for some BS lift at the end of their stunning final pose. (If she wanted to be all lift police-y, why didn’t she mention the lift near the beginning?)

The duo had a more egregious lift-related violation during their ridiculously ambitious freestyle. The real shame of it is that they messed up what looked like a relatively easy move, robbing them of a perfect store. At least it looked like a relatively easy move when you take into account all the preceding acrobatics and the different styles they incorporated.

So what’d you think of this episode? Was Erin over scored? Was Evan underscored? Was that thing at the end of Nicole’s rumba a lift? Finally, who do you think will win tonight? (I’m sticking with Evan, now in the comeback kid role.)

John "24" Season Rankings: Worst to First

“Lost” isn’t the only long-running and beloved primetime series with a lead character named Jack that is ending this week.

In fact, the end of “24” has somewhat gotten “Lost” (sorry) in the shuffle. While “Lost” is undoubtedly a singular television achievement, “24” deserves just as much attention and credit for revolutionizing the medium and changing the way we watch TV. (And for inspiring the “Damn it!” drinking game.)

Though I’ve seen every episode of “24”, I don’t feel great about ranking my favorite episodes, since they all pretty much flow into each other.

Instead, I’ll rank the seasons, starting with the worst.

Day 6: “24” fans may not agree on much, but I think there’s a pretty strong consensus that this stink bomb was the worst this show had to offer. Jack’s father AND his brother being involved in Day 6’s major threat AND in the season 5 plot that killed President Palmer, Michelle and Tony (for the time being)? No! Wayne Palmer as President? (NO!) Jack killing Curtis? NOOOOO!!!! Jack’s sissy nephew/possible son? (You get the idea.)

The only good thing (other than when it ended) were interesting performances from Powers Boothe as Vice President (and eventual President) Daniels and Peter MacNicol (in all his Peter MacNicol-y glory) as Tom Lennox.

Day 7: The return from the dead of Tony Almeida was an exciting prospect (and Carlos Bernard gave a good performance), and President Allison Taylor was the best “good” president since David Palmer. However, the novelty of Tony’s return quickly wore off and the President Taylor storyline was unfortunately bogged down by a hopelessly stupid First Gentleman. (Although, I did like typing “First Gentleman” during my recaps.)

Though it wasn’t a terrible season, per se, it also didn’t really have enough signature “Oh my f---ing God!” moments, besides Jon Voight’s amusing over-acting. Ok, I take it back – the part where Jack tasered the phone was AWESOME! It should also be noted that this is the season we met Renee Walker, the apparent love of Jack’s life. (I liked her character, but I never bought their love connection.)

Day 8: For a while there, it seemed like the current season was going to give season 6 a run for its “Worst Season of ‘24’” money, thanks to the godawful Dana Walsh subplot (you’ll never convince me she was a mole all along) and what’s mostly been a waste of the New York City locale.

Although parts of this season have actually been MUCH worse than Day 7 (President Taylor and Jack losing their damn minds), I still give it the edge because the good parts have also been much better. (Welcome back President Logan!) Jack’s Iron Man impersonation alone was more spectacular than anything in the seventh season and one of those OMFG moments I was talking about. Depending on how it all ends, I might give this one the prize for Most Improved.

Day 2: There were plenty of things to like here: Jack decapitating a guy at the end of the first hour. A radiation-poisoned George Mason sacrificing himself and saving Jack’s life. The first assault on CTU (back when stuff like that could actually shock us). President Palmer’s poisoning in the finale. I was even a fan of the Kate Warner subplot.

So why do I have this season ranked so low? Two words: Kim…cougar. WAY too much screen time was devoted to an estranged Kim Bauer’s misadventures with an abusive father.

Day 3: This was the point in which the show ABSOLUTELY ran out of ways to keep Kim Bauer involved. (Now she’s a CTU analyst? Riiight.) I also wasn’t too wild about Jack, the heroin addict.

However, this season delivered on the OMFG moments — Jack actually murdering Ryan Chappelle! Sherry Palmer causing Alan Milliken’s death! Jack murdering Nina Meyers! Even if all that hadn’t happened, this was the season the show introduced Chloe O’Brian, and that alone gives it the nod over season 2.

Day 4: The more things change, the more they stay the same?

This was the first time “24” somewhat rebooted itself by ditching Kim as a regular and moving Jack away from CTU and into guarding Secretary of Defense James Heller (Jack would eventually get involved with his daughter, Audrey). Still, the show courted controversy by depicting a seemingly benign Middle Eastern family who turned out to be associated with terrorists.

Although this season was somewhat light on the OMFG moments, the show was reinvigorated thanks to strong supporting performances from the likes of William Devane as Secretary Heller and Arnold Vosloo as baddie Habib Marwan, one of the show’s more underrated bad guys. On top of that, this was the year we first met Charles Logan. Also, I had a big crush on Shohreh Aghdashloo’s Dina Araz.

Day 1: The day that started it all set the tone for this classic show. It also had a TERRIFIC beginning (great fakeout with Mandy being the terrorist in the plane after we were led to believe it was the guy) and an unforgettable ending (the death of Teri Bauer).

The reason I don’t give season 1 the top spot was because of some of the stuff in between. The show seemed to struggle a bit to fit some of the middle hours, even resorting to amnesia. (Never a good thing.) I also have to deduct points for Dennis Hopper’s questionable accent as bad guy Victor Drazen.

Day 5: If season 1 set the template for the show, Day 5 perfected it.

The Emmy-winning fifth season was nearly flawless all-around. It was good in the beginning (those shocking deaths), in the middle (MORE shocking deaths, like Edgar, as well as the stunning revelation that Logan wasn’t an idiot…he was EVIL) and in the end (the classic scene between Jack and Logan, where the president delivers the “You’d be Lee Harvey Oswald” speech). Kiefer Sutherland was never better, and he was never surrounded by so many rich characters, whether they were villains (Logan and Peter Weller’s Christopher Henderson) or just plain cuckoo (Jean Smart’s Martha Logan).

In fact, the only problem I had this year was that Smart and Gregory Itzin didn’t win Emmys (like Sutherland and the show did) for their work as the Logans.

So how do you rank the seasons? Will season 1 always reign supreme in your mind? Where does the current season rank? Finally, how do you want the show to end?

John's Top 10 Episodes of "Lost"

The end of “Lost” is a few days away.

In the time leading up to and after the finale, there will be countless retrospectives and analysis on the show’s final episode and on the series as a whole.

Before that din gets too deafening, I thought I’d add my two cents as to what I consider to be the very best (and in one case, the worst) of a landmark television series.

A few points before we get into it:

1.) I did my very best to include at least one episode from every single season, but the top 10 is still pretty season 1 and season-3 heavy. (For example, when I was going through the episode list, I nominated the final four episodes of season 3 for my top 10.)

2.) I tried to not have the list be dominated by (the typically-excellent) season finales. I also tried to spread the love among all the characters - but I still ended up with three “Desmond” episodes.

3.) This was REALLY hard. If you were to ask me to compile this list tomorrow, it might be different than it is now – that’s how close it is!

Let’s hand out some preliminary awards before the main event:

MOST POPULAR EPISODE I DIDN’T REALLY LIKE
The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham, season 5: Don’t get me wrong – the scene at the end where Ben kills Locke is unimpeachably FANTASTIC. The problem is everything before it was a major disappointment. This was supposed to be the episode in which we found out how Locke had come to be known as Jeremy Bentham, and how he ended up in a casket in the season 4 finale.

As with this season’s “Across the Sea”, it seems to me like the writers tried to pack two hours worth of story into one. That resulted in Locke delivering a truly pathetic pitch to get the Oceanic 6 to come back to the Island that amounted to, “Guys, you have to come back to the Island.” “Get outta here, you sad old man!” (That basically happened four times.) Also, we didn’t really learn why the castaways had started calling the man they’d always known as “John Locke”, “Jeremy Bentham” in the season 4 finale, other than to gratuitously keep the identity of the casket-dweller a secret. Just not as much fun for me as it should’ve been.

UNPOPULAR EPISODE I ACTUALLY LIKED
Exposé, season 3: Yes, we were all annoyed by Nikki and Paolo. (Or, as Sawyer called them – “Nina and Pablo.”) Fortunately, the people behind the show also seemed aware that the audience wasn’t really grooving to the two characters who were supposed to represent the underrepresented Oceanic 815 survivors that weren’t Jack and Co. So they killed them off in a fun, jaunty episode that featured one of the most creative and chilling deaths on a show that has had its share of memorable deaths.

UNPOPULAR EPISODE I DIDN’T REALLY LIKE
Stranger in a Strange Land, season 3: Aka, the episode that finally solved the (not-so) burning mystery of Jack’s tattoo. Also featured Bai Ling (ugh) and the introduction of Isabel - the Others’ sheriff - who we never saw or heard from again. Alright then.

One last bit of stalling before the top 10.

HONORABLE MENTIONS
The Economist, season 4: I REALLY wanted to include a Sayid episode in the top 10 because I think Naveen Andrews is fantastic. It was between this one or this season’s “Sundown.” I ultimately went with “The Economist” because it showed Sayid at his most suave, cold-blooded badass (assassinating people on Ben’s behalf) and at his most vulnerable (being betrayed by the woman he’d fallen for).

If Naveen Andrews has big screen aspirations (especially in action/romances), he should send this episode out to casting directors.

The Other 48 Days, season 2: “Across the Sea” was hailed as a departure because it didn’t feature any of the show’s regular characters, but to me “The Other 48 Days” (kinda) did it first and better back in season 2. This is the episode where we learned how the passengers in the tail section had spent their time on the Island, and it was really the first (and only?) time Michelle Rodriguez’s polarizing Ana Lucia was somewhat softened. (Or at least we found out why she as such a hardass on the Island.) I remember this being the first of several creative chances (in terms of storytelling) the show would take over the years.

There’s No Place Like Home/The Incident, season 4/season 5: These are excellent in their own right. I still vividly remember Sun’s anguish when she thought Jin had been blown up on the freighter in “Home”, and I recall how the first ever scene between Jacob and the Man in Black at the start of “The Incident” gave me goosebumps. (Unfortunately, both of those events have ever so slightly lost some luster given what we’ve seen in season 6.) As I said before, I didn’t want to include too many season finales in my top 10, so these two missed the cut.

Lighthouse, season 6: The scene where Jack finally bonds with his son David in the Sideways world had me crying like a little girl, so let’s move on.

Ok, you’ve waited long enough. Here’s hoping “The End” will crack this next list.

THE TOP 10

10. LaFleur, season 5: I wanted to include a Sayid episode but couldn’t. I HAD to include a Sawyer episode, and it came down to this and season 3’s “The Brig.” (Where Sawyer killed Anthony Cooper for Locke.) “The Brig” may have been Josh Holloway’s breakout as a tremendous dramatic actor, but “LaFleur” (in which he takes command of the time-travelling castaways stuck in the Dharma days) is the episode where he (temporarily) became the heart of the show. Holloway (and Elizabeth Mitchell) completely sold a Sawyer/Juliet romance that could’ve easily been a disaster, and Holloway’s face at the end of the episode (when he sees Kate) was Emmy-worthy in and of itself.

9. Happily Ever After, season 6: With a little more time and perspective, I can see this season 6 offering climbing higher. You can always count on Desmond to save the day. Not only is he the character currently and cheerfully trying to remind his Island friends of their past lives, but this is the episode that gave the TV-viewing audience renewed faith in the Sideways storytelling device. Also, any episode that directly references two other episodes in my top 10 is a shoo-in.

8. Two for the Road, season 2: This aired back before I had TiVo, so I was watching live. Characters had died on this show before, but none really at the hands of someone we’d known from the beginning and someone who we considered a good guy. Ana Lucia getting shot was bad enough – Michael turning around and shooting Libby took it to another level. (And, wait a minute, did Michael just shoot himself?! Ugh, I have to wait till next week to find out?!)

7. Flashes Before Your Eyes, season 3: We knew something was up with Desmond after turning the fail safe key and exploding the Hatch, but we didn’t know what. Turns out his consciousness had been zapped back to his time before the Island and he’d been given a second chance with Penelope. The only problem is that the cheerfully malevolent Mrs. Hawking got in Desmond’s ear about what he had to do and “course correction” and Desmond ended up back on the Island.

Looking back, Desmond’s “flashback” was a preview of sorts for this season’s flash-sideways. (He wasn’t aware of his Island life at first, but it eventually came flooding back.) On top of that, “No matter what I try to do…you’re gonna die, Charlie” is probably still my favorite ending of any episode of “Lost.”

6. The Man Behind the Curtain, season 3: You can almost never go wrong with Locke and Ben episodes because Terry O’Quinn and Michael Emerson can do no wrong on this show. “Curtain” was our first glimpse at shifty Ben’s Dharma past. (I love that the perpetual liar was outed as a fraud before the end credits even started – he hadn’t been born on the Island.)

One freaky trip to “Jacob’s” Cabin later (in retrospect, what was THAT about?!) and the episode ended with the revelation that Ben had helped murder the entire Dharma Initiative in the past, and with Ben shooting Locke and leaving him for dead in the present. I’m so happy those two are together heading into “The End.”

5. Pilot, season 1: This is where it all started. Although my girlfriend Erica was underwhelmed by this episode to the point that I had to basically BEG her to give this show a second chance (mission accomplished – she’s a big fan!), I don’t think even she could deny the sheer scope and spectacle in the J.J. Abrams-directed pilot.

This episode gave us our first taste of the Monster (which would go on to become the show’s Big Bad), but my favorite parts are the end (“Guys, where are we?”) and the beginning (the iconic shot of Jack’s eye opening in the jungle before he springs into action). Also, how cool is it that the Island’s light source is apparently near the spot where Jack was lying (and where the show began).

4. Exodus, season 1: There have been splashier, more mythologically-significant finales since the season 1 ender. However, this excellent capper to the show’s legendary first season shouldn’t be overlooked.

In the five subsequent years, the sights and sounds of this episode have stayed with me. Those nefarious Others showing up, kidnapping Walt and blowing up the raft? (“We’re gonna have to take the boy.”) Wow. Unsung “Lost” MVP Michael Giacchino’s “Parting Words” theme as Michael’s raft is launched? Chills. Jack and Locke blowing up the hatch and peering down inside only to discover…wait till next season, suckas! (It was such a good cliffhanger, that the season 2 premiere is the show’s most-watched episode – people wanted to know what the hell was in there!)

3. Walkabout, season 1: Whenever I try to convince anyone to watch “Lost”, I tell them to just watch disc 1 of the season 1 DVD to see if they like it. It’s really not fair because I have a secret weapon. “Walkabout” is the last episode on that disc and it is damn near guaranteed to get anyone hooked.

The initial John Locke showcase was the first taste we got of what a singularly fantastic Terry O’Quinn was, conveying the Island badass and the off-Island loser with equal amounts of believability. More importantly, the twist about John Locke being in a wheelchair before arriving on the Island is one of the all-time great WTF moments in TV history. (It doesn’t even feel like I’m exaggerating.)

2. The Constant, season 4: People much smarter than I am have written about the greatness of “The Constant”, so I’ll try to keep it short.

In telling the tale of Desmond’s life-threatening time/consciousness jumps, “Lost” (and maybe no other show) has never been better at mixing provocative and potentially head-scratching science with a big dose of heart without having things become either confusing or sappy. The fact that we care so much about a couple of secondary (they may even be tertiary) characters is a testament to how strong the writing and acting is on this show.

1. Through the Looking Glass, season 3: You may remember me saying earlier that it was really difficult to put this list together. Well, that’s not exactly true. This season 3 finale was ALWAYS going to be my #1.

Not only is it my favorite episode of “Lost”, it just might be my favorite episode of any television series ever. As with “The Constant”, it’s almost obnoxious how much I’ve talked about the greatness of this episode.

To summarize, I laughed (at Charlie’s taunting of his “Looking Glass” captors and at Jack’s ridiculous beard), I cried (at Charlie’s death), and my mind was blown (flashfoward?!) What more can I ask for?

So what’d you think of this list? Please feel free to tell me how wrong I am. More importantly, why don’t you tell me about your favorite episodes of “Lost.”

Iron Man 2 Review

I’m confused.

I wanted to love “Iron Man 2”, but I just didn’t and I’m not really sure why.

I SHOULD love this movie. It reunites the director and (most of the) cast of the 2008 blockbuster. (On top of that, coming into the movie I thought Don Cheadle for Terrence Howard was an upgrade!) As if that weren’t good enough, the movie actually added Oscar nominee Mickey Rourke, the consistently excellent Sam Rockwell and Scarlett Johansson in a skintight catsuit.

So to summarize, here’s what this movie had to offer: a typically excellent and charismatic performance from Robert Downey Jr., better villains, more action and boobs.

So what’s my problem?

Well, the problem is that all the stuff I just mentioned doesn’t end up amounting to a hell of a whole lot.

“Iron Man 2” picks up a short time after billionaire playboy industrialist Tony Stark (Downey) announced to the world that he was Iron Man at the end of the original film. With the help of his superpowered suit, Stark has “privatized world peace” and made the military and other weapons contractors – like burgeoning rival Justin Hammer (Rockwell) – mostly obsolete.

His armor of invincibility figuratively and literally gets a major chink with the arrival of Ivan Vanko (Rourke), a Russian genius with deadly electrical appendages and an axe to grind against the Stark family.

My fear coming into this movie was that it would feel WAY overstuffed trying to serve each of these terrific performers. To his credit, director Jon Favreau did a nice job of giving every single member of his cast his or her moment to shine. (Though I probably could’ve done with a little less of Favreau inserting himself as Stark’s bodyguard.) Unfortunately, each actor (other than Downey and probably Rockwell, who fares very well as a pathetic Stark wannabe) gets little more than a “moment” to shine.

Mickey Rourke could’ve been a great villain, but Ivan pops up in the beginning, participates in an impressive race track action sequence, and then the most we do is check in on him every once in a while before the budget-busting climactic action sequence in the end (from which he’s largely absent). Rourke makes the role interesting, but have you seen Mickey Rourke in real life?! The dude is always fascinating and just this short of crazypants. I would’ve liked to have seen his talents unleashed more than they were.

Gwyneth Paltrow returns as Stark assistant-turned company CEO Pepper Potts, but despite her natural chemistry with Downey, she has little more to do than fret about Stark and roll her eyes. Similarly, Johansson’s mysterious character is a blank slate (not in an interesting way) until she (or at least her obvious stunt double) gets to kick a little ass (and pose after every move). Cheadle takes over the mostly thankless role of Stark’s best friend Rhodey, but doesn’t really add anything to the proceedings besides he scores a few laughs when he finally joins in on the action toward the end.

I hate to sound like I’m complaining so much because the movie really is pretty good. Downey alone – conveying Stark’s hubris and newfound vulnerability equally well – is worth the price of admission. To be honest, I didn’t at all understand the science behind a key plot point, but Downey made it interesting to watch.

Then again, the movie’s biggest problem (other than the missing sense of wonder from the original flick – how cool was it when he flew for the first time?) is that it never really feels like anything matters.

I get that the world of Favreau’s “Iron Man” is NOT the world of Christopher Nolan’s “Dark Knight” (where girlfriends can get blown up), but there are so many different actors and characters to serve in “Iron Man 2” that writer Justin Theroux doesn’t really come up with a storyline compelling enough to tie them all together.

In fact, another problem is that Theroux seems more concerned with setting up events for future films (witness Samuel L. Jackson’s jokey extended cameo as S.H.I.E.L.D. leader Nick Fury, and the scene at the end of the credits). Also, the fight between Iron Man and War Machine at Stark's house is absurd, but comes just sort of joining the pantheon of Laughably Bad Comic Book Movie Sequences (where the jazz club scene from "Spider Man 3" and the playground fight in "Daredevil" live).

Still, “Iron Man 2” is strong, if unspectacular summer entertainment. You’ll enjoy it well enough while you’re watching it, but you probably will have forgotten about it by the time you get home.

Iron Man 2…B-

Lost: Fireside Chat

I wasn’t very kind to last week’s episode of “Lost”, which basically gave our beloved castaways the week off and gave us the story of Jacob, the Man in Black and the origin of questionable parenting on this show.

Don’t get me wrong – I wasn’t mad at the show for taking a risk (if I were, then I’ve been watching the wrong show all these years). In fact, having seen last night’s episode, “What They Died For”, I’m not even mad that “Lost” decided to hit the reset button so late in the game last week. What we saw in “Across the Sea” shed new (campfire) light on Jacob’s motivations and his reasons for bringing the castaways to the Island. (For the record, the main reasons I didn’t like “Across the Sea” was because it was poorly staged, questionably acted and included mediocre acting from performers I KNOW can do better.)

Either way, it was good to have the old gang back on out TV again (maybe I DID secretly resent “Across the Sea” for benching our favorite characters after all), including Ben, who we hadn’t seen in a month (or at least it felt that way).

More importantly, whereas “Across the Sea” left me dissatisfied and worried about the show’s impending finale (that it wouldn’t deliver), “What They Died For” re-invigorated me. I’m going to be very sad when this show is gone, but I’m ABSOLUTELY excited for “The End” this Sunday.

“What They Died For” had everything. Shocking deaths (and shocking “maybe deaths” – unlike with Lapidus, I’m optimistic that Richard is still alive somewhere), answers, (Jacob’s fireside revelations to his Candidates) equally compelling action on AND off the Island and Michelle Rodriguez (who is infinitely more fun in these cheeky little cameos than she was in all of season 2).

The hour began with the wounded submarine survivors (Jack, Kate, Hurley and Sawyer) solemnly declaring their mission – they have to kill Locke. Thus far, I don’t think we’re meant to have any idea how the candidates are supposed to do that. I can only use fuzzy logic to guess. For example, I’m guessing since the Man in Black knew how to kill Jacob, that Jacob knows how to kill the Man in Black. I’m also guessing that since Jack is now the new Island guardian that he knows what Jacob knows, including how to kill the Man in Black.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. On their way to find Desmond, Hurley was intercepted by the young version of Jacob, who grabbed the Jacob ashes Ilana had gathered and proceeded to burn them. (Not really sure why the young version of Jacob had to do this, but whatever.) This action apparently allowed the Mark Pellegrino version of Jacob to appear to all the castaways (I loved the moment with Hurley describing where he was, despite the fact that everyone could see him now) and explain what they had to do.

Jacob explained that he brought them to the Island to basically clean up his mess (turning his brother into the Smoke Monster) and to protect the Island’s light. Sawyer bristled that Jacob didn’t have any right messing up their lives, but Jacob countered that their lives were already messed up. (I’m paraphrasing here – he actually said their lives were all “flawed” and “lonely.”) This was a good point, but I half expected Kate to back Sawyer up or Sawyer to put up a stronger defense, but we only have one episode left, so things need to keep moving. Jacob also needed someone to willingly step up and take their place as Island Guardian (a choice Jacob never received from his mother).

Jack stepped up because it was his destiny and everything we’ve seen from Jack this year (his gradual enlightenment) points that way, but something still felt…off. It FEELS like Jack should be the rightful candidate, but I can’t shake the nagging feeling that he won’t be by the end of the series. More amusing were Sawyer’s (“And I thought he had a God complex before”) and Hurley’s reaction (relieved that it wasn’t him). Kate was even able to throw her hat back in the guardian ring, despite the fact that her name had been crossed off the cave wall. (I wouldn’t be shocked if she ends up being the Island Guardian when all is said and done.)

Speaking of amusing, I kind of wish there’s been a way to give Miles more to do this final season. As we caught up with Miles, Ben and Richard arriving at the Others’ barracks, the guy unleashed two of the season’s best lines. He pulled rank on Ben’s occupancy of the barracks by saying, “I lived in these houses 30 years ago – otherwise known as last week.” Later, when they were in Ben’s house to retrieve the C-4, he asked Ben if his Smoke Monster summoning chamber was his “secret-er room.”

Ben ran into his old nemesis Charles Widmore (and viewer nemesis Zoe) and the tension between them was palpable. As if there weren’t enough badasses in the room, word came that Anti-Locke was approaching. Ben told the others to flee through his secret compartment, but Richard decided to stay and confront Anti-Locke, for some ridiculous reason. (Smoke-slam!)

That left the door open for Ben and Anti-Locke to have a conversation on Ben’s porch. Anti-Locke unsheathed his knife and appeared to do everything in his power to intimidate Ben into killing the rest of the candidates. First, Anti-Locke asked Ben where Widmore was and Ben told him. (Why didn’t Charles and Zoe run out into the jungle?) Anti-Locke slit Zoe’s throat after Widmore chided her for speaking out of turn (and the crowd went wild!) and he eventually got Widmore to tell him the reason he’d come back – Jacob had recruited him to bring Desmond back to the Island as a fail safe of sorts. (If you recall, “Desmond” and “fail safe” are no strangers – Des turned the fail safe key at the end of season 2 that temporarily saved the Island/world.)

Widmore was telling Anti-Locke more (after the Monster promised to spare Penny’s life), but Ben gunned him down in a gesture that served two purposes, in my opinion. 1.) He’s obviously been wanting to kill Widmore for a long time (revenge for Alex, who we learned was buried just outside). 2.) It proved to Anti-Locke that Ben was back in “amoral killer” mode.

I don’t buy it. More accurately, I don’t want to buy it. I WANT to believe that Ben is playing Anti-Locke to get close to him and figure out a way to bring him down. I WANT to believe that Ben’s redemption from earlier this year was real. Whatever the case, I’m ecstatic that Michael Emerson and Terry O’Quinn are together heading into the final episode. (I wouldn’t have it any other way.)

As for the Sideways world, things are starting to come together in exciting (if not mind-bogglingly contrived) ways. It is now clear to me that Sideways Desmond is operating with some sort of working knowledge of the future. (He’s also operating as a total debonair badass.)

When he was sitting behind the wheel of his car observing Locke, I actually thought he was going to try to hit him again. Instead, he was confronted by Ben, who Des pummeled into a pulp (Ben can’t go more than seven episodes without getting his ass beaten). He also seems to have pummeled some memory of his Island life back into him.

Ben’s injuries led to him being taken in by his favorite student Alex, and her mom Danielle Rosseau (cleaning up quite nicely). I’m not sure how I feel about a potential romance between Ben and Rosseau (kinda ick, actually). I’m more intrigued by what would happen if ALL of Ben’s Island memories return to him in the Sideways world and he realized that Danielle wasn’t the only one who did a little “kidnapping.”

Before Des beat Ben, he expressed to him that he was trying to help Locke let go. Locke got that message and he also got the message that Jack received during “The Candidate” – that all their chance meetings could not be coincidence (although Jack DID unleash the classic, “Don’t mistake coincidence for faith” line). Locke agreed to have the surgery.

Then there’s Desmond, smoothly moving from one castaway to another yet never forcefully trying to coax Island recall out of them. (At least not as forcefully as he did with Locke or Ben.) The smile when he turned himself in to Sawyer and was placed in a cell with Sayid (and next to Kate) was priceless.

With a little assist from (a FULLY enlightened) Hurley, Des busted Sayid and Kate out. Des told Kate they were going to a concert. Maybe it'll be the same concert David made Jack promise not to miss.

So what’d you think of this episode? Who helped Desmond out of the well? (It couldn’t have been Sayid, because Sayid told Jack that Des was still in the well before he blew himself up.) What was inside those cases in Widmore’s outrigger? Sideways Juliet is totally David’s mom, right? Finally, how DO you kill a Smoke Monster? (Do you use a Scotsman or a spinal surgeon?)