Lost: The Con is On

My reaction to this episode was pretty much the same reaction Sayid had watching Claire try to drive a knife through Kate — shocking indifference.

It’s a shame too because I was excited to see the Island’s pre-eminent grifter take center stage in “Recon” (he puts the “con” in “Recon”) after having him sit out the last couple of episodes.

Instead, the hour sort of peaked before the signature “Lost” logo spookily floated toward us. (At least for me.)

We caught up with Sideways Sawyer in pretty much the same predicament we originally met Flashback Sawyer – in bed with a woman and about to execute a con by having a suitcase full of money “accidentally” fall open. Of course, the twist in Sideways world was that James Ford was a cop heading a sting, but I still thought the writers managed to bring off a decent amount of tension before the reveal. (Maybe I’m just gullible, but I thought there was a decent chance he could’ve been lying.)

Now the clever thing about this particular Sideways story was the fact that, whether he’s a cop or a criminal, James Ford is still haunted by a family tragedy (daddy killed his mom, then himself) and hungry for revenge. (It’s gonna take him a long time to get through every “Anthony Cooper.”)

At least he has Miles Straume as his partner to dote on him. I really like the fact that the writers have firmly established that James and Miles are friends thanks to their three years spent in the Dharma Initiative – just because we didn’t see those three years doesn’t mean they didn’t happen. (I believe I’d watch a buddy-cop show with those two.)

Miles even cared enough about his boy to set him up on a blind date with Charlotte Lewis, who was never, EVER this smokin’. (Right?) Charlotte may not be allowed to have chocolate before dinner, but she can certainly have Jim Ford in the restroom if she wants to.

I thought the chemistry between Rebecca Mader and Josh Holloway was surprisingly strong (Holloway appears to have chemistry with every character he shares the screen with), yet not quite right (which I believe was done on purpose). That’s probably because we (or maybe just I) were hungry for a Juliet cameo in his Sideways story or any sort of indication they’d end up together. Maybe as a consolation prize we’ll see a bit more of Charlie down the line, since his brother Liam came to L.A. looking for him.

Another interesting bit in the Sideways story was the idea that James – the best liar Anti-Locke has ever seen – could not lie to save his life in Sideways world. Charlotte saw through his BS (the two eventually fell through when he blew up at her for going through his “Sawyer” file), and Miles eventually discovered he was lying about going to Australia. James confided in him about his “Sawyer” file and seemed relieved to get that weight off his shoulder (I read the scene was James letting it go since Miles would never let him kill Anthony Cooper.)

That tender moment was broken up by Kate (literally) crashing back into James’ life. Maybe he’ll explain why, as a cop, he pretty much helped the fugitive escape in “LA X.”

So, you see – there were certainly some interesting ideas going on in Sideways world. (I’m especially intrigued by the idea of the main characters – Ben and Locke, Sayid and Jin, Kate and Sawyer – starting to pair up.)

I wish I could be as enthusiastic about the Island story. I understand that not every episode can be an action-packed extravaganza, but the Island portion of “Recon” seemed to say, “There’s going to be some really good stuff happening – later.”

Or maybe I’m just annoyed that I have a new group of people to get to know. (It seems a bit late in the game for that, no?) Yes, I realize Charles Widmore’s squad, led by Zoe, aka Bizarro Liz Lemon, likely won’t be major players, but I still couldn’t suppress an eye roll when they popped up out of the jungle.

After his Temple massacre, Anti-Locke and his new followers picked up Sawyer and Jin at Claire’s Krazy Hut (goodbye Statue-looking skeleton baby) and set out on a trek. Sawyer boorishly asked how Anti-Locke planned to get them off the Island, so Anti-Locke pulled him aside and gave him a mission – paddle over to Hydra Island and get information on the people who came on the plane, which they would use to fly off the Island.

Instead, Sawyer found a stack of dead bodies and Charles Widmore inside his submarine. The scene between the two men was interesting for a variety of reasons. I was surprised by Widmore lamenting “how little” Sawyer knows when Sawyer identified him as the man who sent a freighter full of folks ready to kill everyone on the Island. I also thought Sawyer’s straightforward approach (he used it on Anti-Locke too) probably threw Widmore (and later Anti-Locke) for a bit of a loop. Mostly though, I found it fascinating that, for a guy who’s spent decades trying to locate the Island, Widmore is still holed up in his sub. Sure, it’s possible that he’s walked around the Island, but I thought showing him not actually set foot on the Island was an interesting choice.

So it turns out Sawyer’s plan is to play Widmore and Anti-Locke against each other and use the sub to escape with Kate (and Jin and Sun, I’m assuming). I wonder how Jack and Co. figure into those plans. I realize Sawyer is still probably peeved at Jack over Juliet’s death, but Sawyer seems to have turned a corner in terms of his grief. Earlier this season, he was in a truly dark place, but right now he looks like he’s back in hero mode.

This comes none too soon since Anti-Locke seems to have his sights set on Kate. I’m convinced Anti-Locke knew full well that Claire would go after Kate, so he positioned himself as Kate’s savior to gain her trust. I even thought that, by trying to convince Kate that Claire is an unfit mother, Anti-Locke was trying to get Kate to eventually kill Claire. I wouldn’t put it past him, but I really don’t see why he’d bother with killing Claire, unless there’s some way she can subvert him. (The way he slapped her to calm her down was startling.) I know a way she can subvert him – she can tell us his name!

Maybe we’ll find out next week during the upcoming Richard-centric episode. I mean, after watching “Recon” it seems like even the writers were looking ahead to that one.

So what’d you think of this episode? Who do you think killed all those people on Hydra Island? (I’m guessing it was Anti-Locke.) Who does Sawyer expect to actually pilot the sub for his getaway plan? What (or who) is in the locked room inside Widmore’s submarine? (Desmond?) Why did Anti-Locke have so much trouble speaking during his conversation with Kate about his crazy mother? (Maybe Sayid stabbing him with Dogen’s knife did something after all.)

American Idol: Magnus Opus

It’s an understatement to say I wasn’t looking forward to top 12 performance night on “Idol.”

The previous week, I’d actually said “Aww, not him!” when I saw Alex Lambert had gotten eliminated. (Who’d a thunk?!) Beyond that, I saw five or six “Vote for the Worst” candidates among the top 12. (An astounding number when you think about it.) To top it all off, the contestants would be tackling the music of The Rolling Stones. (Uh oh.)

I don’t know if it was my EXTREMELY diminished expectations or the actual talent on display Tuesday night (probably a combination of both), but I’m actually newly hopeful for “American Idol” season 9. (Especially if it all ends up with a Crystal Bowersox/Siobhan Magnus face off!)

I’m trying to sneak this recap in before Wednesday nights’ results show, so let’s break down the performances, in order of appearance.

Michael Lynche: Ok, so things didn’t get off to a great start. People (including yours truly) have been complaining about this guy being a clown for weeks, and he did little to dispel that notion during his take on “Miss You.” It’s a shame because he’s been the most consistent male vocalist so far, yet insists on stomping around the stage like a disaster movie monster.

At least there’s hope – Simon called him out on his antics, and hopefully Big Mike will watch the tape and adjust accordingly.

Didi Benami: Didi decided to “Play With Fire” and won! (Sorry about that.) Seriously though, Kara hit the nail on the head when she said Didi’s sweetness and the song’s inherent darkness (which Didi totally sold) were a surprisingly effective combination.

I was worried when I saw her without her guitar, but she seemed so connected to her performance (which is what made it convincing) that it didn’t matter. If Crystal and Siobhan are on one level (which they clearly are), then Didi is very clearly on the next level. Good for her, and hopefully the waterworks days are behind her.

Casey James: The last time he whipped out his guitar (“I Don’t Wanna Be” during Top 20 week) things didn’t go so well, so I can understand why Casey seemed nervous and appeared to have low expectations for the judges’ comments.

After a shaky start, I actually dug his performance of “It’s All Over Now” and I thought it was a much better match for him than the sleepier “Heaven” and “You’ll Think of Me.” He appears to be a pretty impressive guitar player too – now all Casey has to do is start believing that himself. Also, how can I be mad at a guy whose hometown is named “Cool.”

Lacey Brown: Ugh, what can I say? Her take on “Ruby Tuesday” didn’t come close to “Landslide” awfulness, but she seems to be so worried about looking in the right camera that she forgets to make her performances dynamic or interesting. “Ruby Tuesday” didn’t really go anywhere. (Other sitting when she should be walking and vice versa.) I’d say that she’s in trouble, but she obviously has a sizable phantom fan base out there keeping her alive.

Andrew Garcia: Imagine my horror when I woke up from Lacey’s performance only to find Andrew Garcia half-heartedly singing one of the most ferocious songs in rock history. Actually, I don’t know how mad I should be at Andrew – I believe that he was trying to “get there” on “Gimme Shelter” – it’s just that he couldn’t. Watching this guy struggle every week makes me sad.

Katie Stevens: Lacey, Andrew, and then Katie – what a brutal stretch! I’ll at least give Katie credit for her best live performance to date on “Wild Horses.” However, with so many of the girls (the ones not named Lacey Brown) being so much stronger, I don’t know how she’ll continue to grab enough of the votes to stay for much longer. At least we know that she (kinda) knows who the lead singer of the Stones is.

Tim Urban: At least we finally got a break from that brutal stre- oh good GOD it’s Tim Urban! Ok, so he sounded technically good on “Under My Thumb”, but the dichotomy of his boppy reggae rearrangement coupled with a song about sexual domination was absolutely insane. It’s almost as he couldn’t even hear or understand what he was saying, and it didn’t matter as long as he made it through the performance. Yikes!

Siobhan Magnus: (pictured, left) My favorite contestant didn’t disappoint. Now, her vocal wasn’t perfect, but I’m willing to overlook things like that when a contestant bring the drama, the intensity and, yes, the insanity, the way Siobhan did during “Paint It Black.” We’ve had rocker grrls in this competition before, but Siobhan is like a wonderfully-freakish monster with a classically-trained voice who happens to be a rocker grrl. Good times.

Lee Dewyze: I’ve been riding Lee pretty hard (not unlike a “Beast of Burden”) for his pitch problems during the semifinal round, but I thought Tuesday night represented a major improvement for him. Unlike some of the judges, I liked the laid back vibe. Now all he has to do is settle down on stage and make us enjoy watching him, lest he end up like Alex Lambert.

Paige Miles: For the first time, I kinda sorta saw all the alleged potential Simon’s been talking about all this time. Her “Honky Tonk Women” didn’t reinvent the wheel, but it gave us a peek on what she can do when she hits the strong part of a song. She still has to show me she can avoid a “Smile”-like fiasco when she sings the lower key parts.

Aaron Kelly: The kid gets my most improved award from me. (Well, except for the Ellen-esque haircut.) Instead of acting like big-voiced country singer du jour, Aaron scaled things back to great effect on “Angie” (I actually really liked how he massaged some of the softer moments) and may have established himself as the male frontrunner. Seriously!

Crystal Bowersox: What can I say that hasn’t already been said? Crystal delivered another fantastically dynamic performance. (I love that she continues to do that in 90 seconds – two minutes of performance time.) I liked the shout out to Lily. (Although it’s not like she’s passed away). I guess my favorite new wrinkle was her adorable dad who choked up when he talked about Crystal writing him a song when she was a teen. (Because we all know teens barely acknowledge their parents.)

So what’d you think of this episode? Did you notice that Aaron’s mom’s name is Kelly Kelly?(!) Finally, who do you see in the bottom 3 and going home? I’ve got Lacey, Andrew and Paige in the bottom 3, with Lacey going home. (Take that sizable phantom fan base!)

24: Boom, Boom, WOW

Things are starting to get really good aren’t they?

There were enough twists and turns in last night’s 24 to make your head spin. (Tarin is bad…but not totally…oh wait he’s dead…but now he’s not, so that means he’s bad…but now he looks like he feels bad…)

With the momentum for this season quickly picking up, I’m going to get the crap out of the way early on. And in case you’re not familiar with these recaps, crap = the Dana Walsh saga.

I feel bad banging this drum every week because Katee Sackhoff is working really hard and Stephen Root is clearly having fun (perhaps a little TOO much fun) playing obsessive parole officer Bill Prady, but this thing is just unbearable.

Assuming Prady is really who he says he is, not only is he the most connected parole officer I’ve ever heard of (maybe he should replace Dana and half the staff at CTU given his vast amount of intel), but his priorities are wildly out of whack. I know Prady has stated that he’d grown fond of the not-so-dearly departed Kevin, but the man can see that CTU is clearly in crisis yet continues to creepily hover and pull Dana out of her station. I mean, can this really not wait?!

Then there’s Dana, who we’re supposed to believe is smart enough to concoct a new identity and pass herself off as an important part of a counter terrorism agency, but the best lie she can come up with is “I hooked up with Kevin a few nights ago at a bar.” LAME.

Fortunately, the air of tension the writers built up around the rest of the episode carried over to this sad storyline – at least for me. When Prady finally cornered Dana, and she tearfully told Cole that “it’s over”, I thought she might kill herself before the end of the hour. That’s the sort of “anything goes” atmosphere this hour established.

The hour had gotten off to a promising start with T.J. Ramini (pictured, right) temporarily assuming the action-star mantle from Kiefer Sutherland.

Kayla couldn’t stall Tarin long enough at the hotel room, and Tarin shot his way to freedom during a nifty sequence. Of course, Tarin had a big-time assist from the overly-zealous Sgt. Amis of the NYPD, who refused to wait for Jack. Methinks that guy had seen one two many movies where the federal government shows up and takes jurisdiction from the local police and wanted to do something about it. Oops.

After predictably evading Jack and Cole (Jack Cole sounds like he’d be a badass character), Tarin took Kayla to an abandoned bank and her captors called President Hassan. They wanted him to hand over File 33.

I thought we might have to wait an episode or two to find out what File 33 was, but this is the new and improved season 8! File 33 contained 20 years of intelligence gathered by Hassan and his countrymen that detailed the United States’ nuclear defense weaknesses.

Obviously, Jack and Hastings (Jack Hastings doesn’t sound so badass) weren’t eager to hand that info over to terrorists, but even I thought Jack basically telling the Hassans that they’d brought this on themselves was a touch too harsh.

Jack and Cole set out to find Kayla before the deadline. At the same time, an ambivalent-looking Tarin had a change of heart and decided he wanted to escape with Kayla. The two almost made it, except that Tarin got cut down – but not before he’d given Kayla the number for CTU. (That should’ve been a clue.)

Kayla called CTU and Hastings was ready to welcome her with open arms until one of Arlo’s drones picked up on the fact that Tarin was still alive and the whole thing was a ruse to get an electromagnetic pulse bomb close enough to CTU to completely disable their operation. (Obviously, Jack was the first person to put all this together, but even he was confused for a second.)

Was there probably an easier way to get an EMP bomb close enough to CTU than staging a fake kidnapping/fake escape? Well, yes because we know white trash can routinely drive up to CTU with no questions asked.

Still, it was more fun this way.

So what’d you think of this episode? Should the NYPD be offended after being portrayed as a bunch of incompetent, impatient nincompoops? How embarrassing would it have been if one of the terrorists’ gunshots had actually hit Kayla as she sped away? (Would’ve kinda killed their plan.) Finally, are you missing President Taylor and/or Renee yet? (Yeah, I’m really not.)

The Celebrity Apprentice: Fine Dining

I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again – watching (but not recapping) last year’s completely bananas season of “The Celebrity Apprentice” was my biggest (TV-related) regret of the last year.

I’d watched and enjoyed season 1, but there was nothing that could’ve prepared me for the instant classic that was season 2. The Dennis Rodman intervention. Tom Green being one of the more even-tempered and reasonable people in the cast. Annie Duke vs. Joan and Melissa Rivers. Jesse James stubbornly refusing to use wife Sandra Bullock as a fundraising tool. Clint Black turning out to be kind of a dick.

I saw and loved it all from the beginning, but since I hadn’t recapped the premiere (and because I’m a silly completist) I stupidly decided that there was no way I could write recaps for the rest of the season.

Well, not this time baby! After catching the season 3 premiere (which got off to a wonderfully ludicrous start when Trump eschewed his limo by saying “You know what? I’m walking” and lumbering over to Grand Central Station on foot), I’m VERY encouraged with what’s to come.

We couldn’t have asked for a better matchup in a premiere that pitted Bret “I dare you not to look at my resplendent chest during my confessionals” Michaels vs. Cyndi “WAY too good for TV and WAY too famous to be eliminated in the first episode” Lauper.

At their meeting in Grand Central Station, Trump had announced an interesting new wrinkle – each team would be able to select their opponent’s project manager. The women quickly selected Bret, who had announced that he was working on one hour of sleep. (The fact that he’s Bret Michaels was likely a big factor as well.) The men claimed they were targeting a strong player when they picked Cyndi Lauper, but I liked Bret’s rationale (and his self-awareness about likely being selected by the women) that Cyndi’s flighty nature could cause some trouble.

Each team also had to select names, with the women settling on “Tenacity” and the men choosing “RockSolid.” Trump (and I) liked “Tenacity” more, but I’m just glad the men talked themselves out of “Rock Hard.”

The challenge was for each team to run a diner for three hours and the team that raised the most money would win. There was an awkward moment in the boardroom when Trump made a crack (cocaine) about Daryl Strawberry knowing all the spots in New York City, including several the ladies wouldn’t want to know about. Yikes!

The men appeared to have a clear advantage in this challenge with celebrity chef Curtis Stone on their side. However, it turned out Stone’s biggest contribution wasn’t his truffle risotto – it was his suggestion that the men set a(n obscenely) high price point for their burgers. Stone’s second biggest contribution was not laughing in Trump’s face when the Donald randomly boasted that he did better with women. The men’s burgers started at $100, while most of the women’s food was a considerably less ridiculous $25.

Although the men had the monster advantage of having Curtis on their side (and Bret was smart and ego-free enough to defer), the editors did a nice job of making this one seem closer than it was.

For example, as soon as Joan Rivers showed her face (I was on Team Annie Duke) and Trump dispatched her to assess the two restaurants with a $10,000 boost at stake, I just KNEW the women would win that mini-challenge. (Although a cold burger courtesy of Rod “I’m innocent of all charges” Blagojevich didn’t help matters.) The women’s restaurant (featuring poster shots taken by a friendly paparazzo) was also packed throughout the three hours. In fact, it turned out that the restaurant was so full that some of Holly Robinson Peete’s higher rollers never got through the door. Oops. At least the people who did manage to get in were treated to an accordion-accompanied performance of “True Colors.” (Hey, Cyndi still sounds great!)

The men’s restaurant got off to a slower start, but once they started getting a steady stream of people I figured they had it in the bag. I mean, if you’re going to over charge for a burger (and $25 IS over charging) why not go all-out and see if people are willing wildly overpay for the privilege of rubbing elbows with the likes of Bill Goldberg. (Or, more accurately, rubbing his biceps.)

Even with the $10,000 Trump Tip, the women still got crushed by the men leading to a terrific boardroom where the real fun started.

Obviously, a few of the “celebrities” (I honestly can never remember the Victoria Secret model’s name without looking it up, and neither can you) had their moments (especially Bret, Cyndi and Blago), but the star of the show is still Trump. As if he’d ever let us forget it.

When he asked Cyndi about her fundraising, she brought up the fact that her only ultra-wealthy friend was Trump nemesis Rosie O’Donnell, eliciting a hilariously inappropriate reaction of, “Ugh, she’s disgusting.” (Diplomacy, be damned!) As if that wasn’t enough, when Trump mentioned that Rosie had shown up at his wedding, Cyndi unintentionally dissed him by asking, “Which wedding?” That followed an earlier confessional when Cyndi expressed dismay about Donald calling Rosie fat when Donald himself, “is not a thin man.” I also loved her astonishment at the fact that Trump Jr. had access to who was each team’s top 4 earners.

I love me some Cyndi Lauper (I didn’t even mention her wild non-hairdo in the boardroom). From her extreme hesitance to blame other people, it’s obvious she’s never seen this show (or any other reality show). In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn she doesn’t own a TV.

Unfortunately, the rest of the women followed Cyndi’s lead and refused to name a scapegoat, so I was happy to hear Trump finally bellow, “Answer the goddamn f---ing question.” By that time, the women had gotten it in their heads that Carol was somehow to blame for their loss and she got fired.

I guess she did TOO good of a job as the “carnival barker” and led to their restaurant getting overcrowded. More likely, Trump just wanted to get rid of the least famous/attractive person in the group. (Victoria Secret model and WWE wrestler girl may be less famous, but at least Trump can still ogle them.) It’s too bad for Carol because she showed an impressive amount of guts and resourcefulness (squeezing $10,000 out of Trump for her charity, the North Shore Animal League) that would’ve likely come in handy for the women down the line.

So what’d you think of this episode? Is it actually “brave” of Blagojevich to appear on this show? (Seeing as how he blatantly views this as some sort of public image rehab, I think he’s sleazier than ever. He helped me remember why people don’t like politicians) Who knew Bret Michaels pronounced the word diabetes ala Wilford Brimley? (Dia-bee-tus) Finally, who do you see going all the way? (Judging from the first episode, I think it’s going to be VERY difficult for anybody to stop Sharon Osbourne – assuming she doesn’t assault any of her teammates.)

America's Next Top Recap: Not-So Extreme Makeovers

I realize “America’s Next Top Model” kicked off its 14th season, er, CYCLE last Wednesday, but I didn’t get a chance to check out the 90-minute premiere until this past weekend.

That being said, I still feel like this recap is not as hopelessly outdated as Tyra’s “MyFiercePage”, an obvious homage to MySpace. (I know it’s been a while, but I’m assuming you remember MySpace.) Tyra’s made-up social network was the theme of this year’s casting episode, and it actually ranks among the host’s less ridiculous ideas.

Since the bulk of the premiere focused on casting (there was no challenge or elimination after the top 12, er, 13 was selected), I’ll just give you my stream-of-consciousness thoughts on the premiere.

- You’re not going to believe this, ladies, but it turns out you can pregnant the first time you have sex! To make sure the point was hammered home, we were introduced to two girls (who still seemed surprised and amazed) that got pregnant right out of the box.

- I can respect that Danielle, with her prominent piercings and tattoos, wanted to break some kind of mold, but she can’t say things along the lines of, “I don’t know why I didn’t make it.” Um, I have a pretty good idea why you didn’t make it.

- It doesn’t take a genius to see that Alasia is going to eat up a ton of screen time this year. From falling to the ground upon first meeting Tyra to getting into a house fight with bitchy Angelea and Krista (seemingly because Alasia didn’t want to join their Black Girl Alliance) and all the loopiness in between, Alasia is the sort of contestant reality TV producers must dream about. And sure, she’s crazy (I bet God says to himself, “I wish you’d leave me out of this” every time she invokes His name), but she seems sweet, so I’m not mad at her.

- In a related story, what was up with Alasia’s ratty wig?

- Speaking of the Black Girl Alliance (Simone’s not eligible because she went to Duke), I actually think Krista is kinda ugly, yet very model-y looking and should do well in the competition. (I swear there’s a compliment in there somewhere.) Meanwhile, Angelea is mean-looking AND mean-acting. I don’t think the therapy she allegedly underwent after missing the cut last cycle did much to calm her down. I also don’t think the long blonde weave did much to soften her – now she basically looks like an angry My Little Pony. She’s going to be a pain in the ass.

- Anslee is probably even harsher-looking, but I liked that she didn’t appear to be intimidated one bit by Angelea’s shtick.

- Is Gabrielle the most knowledgeable contestant this show has ever had? I could see this girl going far.

- As much as I like Gabrielle, I think the clear front-runner has to be Naduah who already SCREAMS model. I mean, her head was already shaved, so all Tyra could really do was bleach her eyebrows during the makeover. The only thing that I could see tripping her up is the Cover Girl commercial.

- Speaking of the makeovers, didn’t they come WAY too soon this year? The makeover episode is usually one of the best parts of the season and it’s always better when they come sooner rather than later. However, having them happen in the premiere (when we’d barely gotten used to the girls’ original looks) was weird. Brenda wins the annual Cry Baby award (they cut her luxurious red locks), while Simone gets the prize for best makeover (the Rihanna-esque cut was a major improvement over her pageant girl hair).

- Is it just me or does Raina look exactly like Denise Richards? (More so before her dark brunette makeover.) Maybe you didn’t notice because you were distracted by her eyebrows.

- I like “plus size” Alexandra, but there’s no chance in hell she’s winning. It took 10 cycles for the show to crown its first plus size winner, and I’m betting it’ll take (at least) another 10 before the show goes there again.

- I can understand Tyra and her two Jays not being able to agree on 14 girls and bringing 12 to New York, but where the hell did Ren (the 13th girl) come from? Sure, she’s got good modeling potential, but she mostly looks like a parody of an edgy girl. She also looks like she’d woken up minutes before she showed up on camera. That must’ve been the reason she didn’t have enough time to shave her armpits. (Um, GROSS!)

- Finally, it turns out that Tyra and guest Perez Hilton made a deal. She’d let him appear on ANTM if he stopped writing about celebrities’ children for six months. My question is this: why does he need to write about celebrities’ children at all?

So what’d you think of this episode? Are you accepting or denying this cycle of “Top Model”? (Or are you still pending?) Finally, who are your favorites and your least favorites? (I’m making Naduah my Ridiculously Early Pick to Win it All and I’m making Jessica my pick to get shipped home first.)

Project Runway: Earth, Wind, Fire and (H)Air

When contestants crap the bed in the competition portion of “American Idol”, for example, it’s downright depressing.

On the other hand, when the designers on “Project Runway” screw the pooch on a challenge, it often leads to LOL-worthy moments.

Last night, the nine remaining designers brought the (unintentional) hilarity when they were tasked with creating a look inspired by one of the four natural elements — earth, fire, wind, water. (We “Captain Planet” fans probably noticed the conspicuous absence of “heart” because everyone knows “heart” is lame and not really an element.)

Unfortunately, this week’s challenge was also the annual “Shoving of the Garnier Fructis Brand Down Our Collective Throats” (More than Usual). As a straight guy who’s been recapping “Project Runway” for years, I realize I’m walking a pretty precarious line, but I find these hair and makeup consults to be absolutely unbearable. (Let’s keep the focus on the clothes and the designers, ok?) Fortunately, they’re relatively short. Also, there was a major missed opportunity by not having fun with stylist Philip Carreon’s name. (No, “Carry on, Philip” joke?!)

Jay got to choose his element (wind), and everyone else selected theirs after having their name drawn from Tim’s tasteful velvet bag. This part of the episode ended up being relatively pointless because, with very few exceptions, the designers either chose to eschew a conventional (or sensible) interpretation of their element or they decided to forego color altogether.

For example, I can respect bright color-loving Anthony’s decision to not use red or orange for his fire-inspired dress, but his structural gray and black gown (inspired by ashes) didn’t really seem to have anything to do with anything. Neither did Seth Aaron’s Matrix-y black leather get up (night air — why not?), Jonathan’s “swirl of laughter” (I guess we technically make air when we laugh) or Maya’s allegedly siren-inspired dress.

And yet, there those three were in the week’s top 3. I’m not saying they weren’t deserving (they actually WERE the top 3 — Jay Nicolas’ and Emilio’s looks were a bit too literal, though I suppose we should be happy Emilio actually completed a dress this week), I’m just saying the designers failed to bring it in what could’ve been a really dynamic challenge.

Jonathan — who spoke about breaking away from the pack and becoming a real threat this week — took the win (but no immunity). I have no problem with his victory, even if I didn’t get the whole “laughter” thing, but he DID put a lot of thought into creating a dress that perfectly complemented his model, and there’s definitely something to be said for that.

I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I actually might’ve given the victory to Seth Aaron’s out-there black leather get up (it was FANTASTICALLY-made), but I’m not offended or outraged that he lost to Jonathan. As for Maya’s dress — I thought it was a bit boring, and I felt like her arms looked like they were covered in algae. (You can probably tell I wasn’t a big fan.)

Fortunately, the bottom 3 (Mila, Amy and Ben) provided enough comedy to make up for the uninspired top half of the draw.

Well, not so much Mila, who predictably struggled without being able to revisit her black-and-white, color-blocking, mod wheelhouse. (I actually REALLY liked her earth-y vest — too bad she phoned in the rest of the outfit.)

No, I’m talking about Amy’s painfully misguided bowl of hair (pictured, left) vs. Ben’s shark-inspired droopy suit.

Amy (looking like an oompa-loompa next to her ridiculously-tall model) is obviously very talented, but what the hell was she thinking?! In what universe is it acceptable to give your model the appearance of chest hair (or massive armpit hair from certain angles)? Most of all, I feel bad for model Holly. Last week, she endured Emilio’s metal bikini, and this week she sauntered down the runway as if she was going to serve us a plate full of her hair! I shudder to think what she’ll have to wear next week after modeling two of the worst designs this show has EVER seen in consecutive weeks.

All that being said, I’m still perfectly fine with Ben going home (and so is he apparently).

The result isn’t exactly a surprise given that Ben logged more screen time in this episode (including the requisite emotional phone call home) than he had in all previous episodes of this season COMBINED. There was also the matter of his hideous shark suit, which was a boring color, hideously tailored AND tacky. (Michael Kors REALLY hated those shark teeth.)

Let’s talk about the pants for a minute, because I’m having a hard time deciding if it’s worse to make your model look like she has chest hair or a penis. Ben’s model seriously looked like she was packing down there, didn’t she? Yikes. Thank heavens for Michael Kors, who rightly called out the horror of Ben’s “jockstrap pant.”

So what’d you think of this episode? Did the right person go home last night? Just how questionable was guest judge Roland Mouret’s mustache? Finally, who do you think will be next to go home?

American Idol: Hallelujah - The Semifinals are Over

So yesterday I complained about how the remaining 8 women played it relatively safe with low-energy performances (after all, no one wants to look stupid on national TV).

Well, Wednesday night we got an inferior remake starring the remaining 8 men and featuring a heavy dose of guitar/security blanket. (If you were keeping score at home – and I was – you saw that the first five guys strummed a guitar and made minimal use of the stage.)

Today, I’m actually going to eschew my usual classifications because when I sat down to do it, I had 5 of the 8 guys in the “I SHOULD SAY THEY’RE IN TROUBLE, BUT THEY’RE NOT” category. The fact that it feels like more than half these guys don’t belong here is borderline depressing.

I started off saying that I didn’t see any greatness in Michael Lynche, but I had to amend that last week to say that I saw “Pretty Goodness.” After his sensational turn on “This Woman’s Work”, I have to amend that once again to say that I see “Really, Really, Goodness.”

If I’d had my eyes closed when he was performing, I’d be inclined to say that there was Greatness there. Unfortunately, it appears as if Michael simply can’t help but, simultaneously, be cheesy AND a big ham. (Ooh, I’m hungry now.) I mean, when I start overworking a (karaoke) stage like that, it’s because I have to. Big Mike actually appears to have the vocal talent to suck is into his performances without resorting to shenanigans.

That being said, I’m not mad at Michael because he actually used more than five percent of the stage.

Lee Dewyze was up first and delivered an interesting yet (once again) seriously vocally flawed performance. This time it was Owl City’s “Fireflies.” The performance was quite boring for me, but Lee still has the judges on his side and he’ll be sailing into the top 12. Why is it that Ellen appears to be the only one to notice or care about this guy’s serious pitch problems?

That just shouldn’t be since Ellen lost quite a bit of credibility when she condescendingly hugged Tim Urban (pictured, right). (To me, that was even more inexplicable than Kara’s tears during Michael’s performance.) Why was it condescending? Because the hug basically said, “Congratulations on not being terrible for a change.” (I still think Ellen had it right when she suggested last week that Tim try acting.)

Sure, his cover of “Hallelujah” was, unquestionably, his best work. That basically makes Tim the male Lacey Brown of the semifinal round – awful, awful, decent! Hey, welcome to the top 12.

Between Lee and Tim, Alex Lambert made the latest stop in his “Aw Shucks” tour. “Trouble” was a good choice for him, and he performed it pretty well. However, he didn’t take ANY chances with the song, making it a bit of a snooze. And although he didn’t look nearly as uncomfortable as he did during week 1 of the semifinals, he once again showed a remarkable amount of stage absence during this performance. I understand this guy’s never going to work the stage like Garth Brooks, but he can at least look like he’s connecting with what he’s singing (or at least one person in the audience).

In keeping with the inferior remake theme of the evening, Andrew Garcia took the stage and, to me, blatantly attempted to recapture the magic of that Hollywood Week “Straight Up” performance everyone (yours truly included) keeps bringing up. Unfortunately, he chose the least challenging Christina Aguilera song of all time (“Genie in a Botle”), performed it sleepily and had the unfortunate side effect of asking America to “rub him the right way.” (Maybe, I’m a fool, but I STILL think he has enough goodwill to get in the top 12 – after that, he’s on his own!)

Casey James followed with a similarly paint-by-numbers rendition of Keith Urban’s “You’ll Think of Me.” It was an improvement over last week, but I honestly was more struck by how much less he looks like a girl when he ties his hair back. Aaron Kelly took the stage next with a performance of Lonestar’s “I’m Already There” that was SO uninspired, I actually made myself do busy work in the kitchen so I wouldn’t have to sit in the living room and watch it. The problem with Aaron isn’t that he’s a bad singer. The problem is that he’s INCREDIBLY lame.

The same could be said for Todrick Hall, but at least Todrick is lame in a really interesting, crash-and-burn way.

I thought Todrick’s performance reeked of “Glee” before the judges brought it up. That first note was busted, as were other parts of his performance. However, there were parts that were pretty good (I’m telling you, this guy can sing!) and it was never, EVER boring.

On a night like last night (and a season like this season), that counts as a major victory.

So what’d you think of this episode? Is Tim the male Lacey Brown or is Lacey the female Tim Urban? Was Michael’s performance really the best out of all the live shows? (I still prefer Crystal’s “Give Me One Reason” – SO cool.) Finally, which two guys are going home? (I’ve got Todrick and Aaron hitting the road tonight.)

Lost: Back to School

If there’s a better TV actor than Michael Emerson working these days, I don’t know who that person is.

Ever since he introduced himself as Henry Gale in the middle of season 2 (even WAY back then, characters on this show were pretending to be someone else!) Emerson has scared us, made us laugh and creeped us out. He’s made us love him, hate him, hug him, root for him and root for someone to kick his ass (which they have, repeatedly).

Last night, he made us cry. And by “us”, I mean me (and possibly my girlfriend Erica – but I don’t want to throw her under the bus). You know precisely the scene I’m talking about, but we’ll get to that later.

“Dr. Linus” dealt with ***SPOILER ALERT*** Ben Linus’ Island and Sideways story, which we’d gotten a glimpse of through the Sideways John Locke saga. While it may not have been as action-packed as last week’s “Sundown”, I actually thought “Dr. Linus” was a strong and worthy complement to that episode.

For example, “Sundown” ended with an artful, slow-motion sequence of Locke assembling his team and heading out (to Hydra Island, we learned last night). “Dr. Linus” ended with a great old-school, slow motion sequence of (#1 candidate?) Jack going back to “where it all started” on the beach and meeting up with the rest of the “good guys.” (Props to newly-minted Oscar winner Michael Giacchino for his music during these slow-motion sequences.) Having Widmore hovering not too far from the Island’s shore at the end was a great touch, since he’s the one who told Locke (and us) that a war was coming.

Also, pretty much ANY episode that showcases the reigning Emmy winner for Best Supporting Actor in a Drama is a good one. His talents were put to good use in a storyline that ended up being a bizarro version of Sayid’s Island and Sideways storylines from last week.

Where Sayid appeared to be doomed no matter what reality he existed in (he didn’t go looking for Keamy in Sideways world – Keamy’s guys picked him up and basically forced Sayid to kill), Ben got a chance to do the right thing in both the Island and Sideways worlds and made the correct choice.

All that being said, I don’t think this episode was perfect by any stretch of the imagination. Though I generally enjoyed Ben’s Sideways storyline (I loved that he appeared to have a good relationship with his father, but still managed to gas him), the stakes there were a bit twee for my taste.

I mean, I’m sure going to Yale was a big deal for Alex Rosseau, but the plot machinations were a bit too contrived for my taste. European history teacher Ben had decided (at Sideways Locke’s urging) to snatch the principal job from the douchey guy in charge. (You can tell the guy was a douche because he was played by William Atherton, who played douches in “Die Hard” and “Ghostbusters” – nice to see him bring his shtick out of the 80’s.) Anyway, Ben learned from star student Alex that the married Principal Reynolds was “doing it” with a nurse in school and intended to use that information to blackmail him out of the job. Instead, it turns out Principal Reynolds, a Yale grad, had the power to send Alex to Yale by writing a letter of recommendation. Ben had to decide whether to go for the principal job and crush Alex’s dream or sacrifice himself.

I get the idea (and I think it’s pretty clever) that all this Sideways business was intentionally trivial when compared to the obvious Island parallel that had Ben sacrificing his daughter’s life for the good of the Island. I just didn’t care for the way everything worked out in a perfectly neat either/or scenario. (Also, though I liked Arzt’s riff about getting the parking spot NEXT to the tree, not under it, less is more with that character.)

Although Sideways Ben yearned for greater things (his father expressed regret about leaving the Dharma Initiative and appeared to want more for his son), he seemed at ease with smaller victories (no detention duty!) in a way that reminded me of Sideways Locke.

Unfortunately, Island Ben still had a way to go before he reached that level of comfort.

After a quick session with Jacob’s ashes, Miles (Ken Leung manages to steal a high volume of scenes when you consider his character is rarely the focus – I liked him referring to Nikki and Paolo as “jabronis”) revealed that Ben was the one who’d killed Jacob. The reaction from the group was curious. Sun and Frank were disappointed, but not surprised (like when you have a teenage son who screws up all the time).

Ilana’s reaction was curiouser. She waited until the group got to camp (and until Ben had disapproved of Sawyer’s porn) and ordered him to dig a grave for himself. She was going to shoot him for killing the closest thing she’d had to a father. Fortunately for Ben, Anti-Locke made a cameo and, having a knack for what people want, magically undid his chain and offered him the job of running the Island once he was gone. (I love Terry O’Quinn, but the repeated cheesy entrances of the Smoke Monster and the undoing of the restraint made him come off like a cheesy magician last night.)

Ben made a run for it, found the rifle Anti-Locke had indicated and appeared ready to shoot Ilana. However, all Ben wanted to do was explain. He wanted to explain how he had been angry because he’d sacrificed his daughter’s life in service (apparently) of Jacob, who had seemingly dismissed him when they finally met. (“What ABOUT you?”) He wanted to explain about how he didn’t expect Ilana to forgive him because he couldn’t forgive himself. Most importantly, he was going to join Anti-Locke because, “He’s the only one that will have me.”

The reason this exchange made me cry is because it felt like a rare, unquestionably genuine moment for one of the shiftiest character in the history of television. Also, props to Ilana for accepting him. (Ben looked absolutely shocked.) I’m also thinking this breakthrough for Ben wouldn’t have been possible without Jacob’s sacrifice. It may have taken longer than Jacob wanted (and it cost him his life), but it appears as if Ben is finally on the right path.

I’m now looking forward to an apparent alliance between Ben and Jack (Ben was conspicuously standing off by himself as the rest of the group reunited) as well as Ben and Charles Widmore, assuming Widmore is coming to the Island and is on Jacob’s side. (I’m assuming that’s the case since Jacob didn’t seem too distressed about the person who was coming to the Island in “Lighthouse.”)

I’m especially interested to see where Jack goes from here, given that he appears to be immortal. I’m not saying he’s on the same non-aging level as Richard Alpert (there’s some noticeable gray in Jack’s hair), but it appears that Jacob’s touch has done something special for Jack, the same way it did for Richard. It also appears as if staring out at the ocean (as he did at the end of "Lighthouse") did end up giving Jack a clearer picture of what to do.

In fact, Jack’s apparent inability to kill himself or die (just yet) is very reminiscent of Michael’s story in “Meet Kevin Johnson” where he learned from Tom that he couldn’t die until the Island was done with him. If Jack is the leading candidate (as I suspect) then there’s no way a puny dynamite stick in the Black Rock was going to kill him. (It also helps explain why Dogen was able to Heimlich that poison pill out of him.)

Jack’s bold stunt seemed to reinvigorate Richard, who’d lost all faith and was ready to die upon learning of Jacob’s death and the apparent lack of meaning in his own (LONG) life. Watching Richard in the Black Rock and fondling the chains inside ship (“Nice to see you out of those chains, Richard”) in this episode also made me more eager than ever to check out the upcoming Richard-centric installment.

In short, this episode was a triumph thanks in large part to Emerson’s characteristically excellent work and a little bit of sweet redemption for one of my favorite characters.

So what’d you think of this episode? Who do you think are the remaining six candidates that Ilana mentioned? (I’ve got Jack, Hurley, Sawyer, Jin, Sun and Sayid.) Would you rather be gassed in a Dharma van or be forced to eat organic microwave turkey? Isn't it oddly comforting to know that Ben wears the same style of eyeglasses, no matter what the timeline? Finally, whose team do you think Widmore will join? (He’s got a sub, so he can easily go to either the main Island or Hydra Island.)

American Idol: Let's Put a "Smile" On That Face

Being eliminated this week must feel a bit like coming in fourth at the Olympics or (to keep things more “Idol”-centric) finishing 11th and missing out on the “Idols Live Tour.”

Simon even helpfully reiterated how important this week was at the top of the show.

That’s why it was frustrating to see one low-energy performance after another Tuesday night. Don’t get me wrong, there were still a couple of excellent performances to be found (and the ladies are still light years ahead of the guys), but I was disheartened to see so many of the girls slip into slow-tempo ballad mode as a fallback.

Thank goodness for Crystal Bowersox.

Let’s talk about her, as well as who’s in, who’s out, and who’s in between:

WHO’S IN

I loved Crystal Bowersox’s performance for no other reason that she snapped me awake after a seemingly-endless run of “turn down the lights and take things slow” performances.

Fortunately, there’s much more to praise about her dynamic performance of “Give Me One Reason.” For one, her confidence appears to be at an all-time high (check out the way she casually sat herself down during the judges’ critiques). On top of that, her confidence seems to be affecting her singing in a great way (she delivered her strongest vocal Tuesday) and is so infectious that the audience can’t help but be involved (clapping along from the beginning). Simply put, she looked like a star and made most of the other girls look like they aren’t even in the same class.

I say “most of the other” because I’m still loving me some Siobhan Magnus.

I honestly don’t know what Simon is smoking, but I would ask him for some if I didn’t know it had the unfortunate side effect of killing my hearing. I mean, I honestly wondered what the guy was listening to when he trashed Siobhan’s performance of “House of the Rising Sun.” His biggest gripe appeared to be the fact that there was no “Think”-like glory note. (Is she supposed to do that every week?) If Simon is in search of a moment, I’d like to point him towards the fantastic, pitch-perfect acapella intro to Siobhan’s performance – that’s as good as it’s gotten this year!

I SHOULD SAY THEY’RE IN TROUBLE, BUT THEY’RE NOT

You’re right. Lily Scott is probably going to the top 12. However, I’d bet you $1,000 that Crystal and Siobhan are definitely in. When I asked myself if I would include Lily in that bet, I paused – that means no.

Again, I like Lily, but I find she’s been lacking in the voice department during the entire semifinal rounds and (not to “Andrew Garcia”) has never lived up to her work during Hollywood Week. Still, she’s quirky, she’s distinct, and she’s good (and she was on "I Fall to Pieces") – I just don’t think she deserves to be the slam dunk she apparently is.

I’d also have to include Lacey Brown in this category. Yes, her take on “The Story” was OBVIOUSLY her best semifinal performance to date, but, given how terrible she’s been the last two weeks, that’s not exactly saying much. As for “The Story”, specifically, the performance was flat in that it didn’t really go anywhere – it started low-key and stayed there. (My girlfriend Erica reports “The Story” is actually incredibly dynamic and Lacey blew her chance to rock out.)

I understand that there’s something to be said for a contestant trending in a positive direction. I just don’t think being awful, awful, decent in three semifinal performances should be enough to get Lacey (looking more like Sharon Osbourne every week) into the top 12 – yet, it appears that’s exactly what’s going to happen.

I SHOULDN’T SAY THEY’RE IN TROUBLE, BUT THEY ARE

And since it appears that past work doesn’t count for anything, I have to sadly put Katelyn Epperly in this category.

I have no attachment to Carole King (sorry), so I didn’t actually think she did a bad job on “I Feel the Earth Move”, even if Simon was completely correct (thanks for getting reacquainted with sanity) that it reeked of some bar singer fulfilling a patron’s request. Honestly, the most disappointing part of Katelyn’s segment was that the judges gave no indication that this is a singer worth sending to the finals (which she is). Then I remembered that they were lukewarm on her terrific take on “The Scientist” (which was MUCH less corny than her keyboard-rocking performance this time out) and blew a raspberry.

Similarly, I didn’t think Didi Benami was all that awful during “Lean on Me” last week, so I wasn’t as blown away by her “Rhiannon” cover this week. I can objectively see that the song was a much better fit, but to me Didi didn’t perform it significantly better. That being said, she DID look a lot more comfortable and confident on stage with her guitar, earning her best reviews and (hopefully) earning a ticket to the top 12.

I’D PACK MY SUITCASE IF I WERE YOU

What more can I say about poor Paige Miles (pictured, right)? Stick a fork in her (one of those big BBQ forks) – she’s done.

When I first saw her in top 24 week, I thought she was strong on her song’s punchier moments and weak on the subtler, lower parts. So what does she do? She picks a song – Charlie Chaplin’s “Smile” – that highlights the absolute worse parts of her voice. Everything about this (including the calypso arrangement Randy pointed out) was terrible, so let’s move on, ok?

My other pick to go home is Katie Stevens. Yes, she appears to be a favorite of the judges (they’re tripping over themselves to give Katie advice and have confused the girl), but she’s delivered three consecutive uninspired and awkward performances (kinda like Paige). America can deal with awfulness (hi Lacey), but sustained mediocrity is usually a ticket home.

Katie actually incorporated all the feedback the judges gave her and picked “Breakway” a young song for a big voiced singer. The only problem is that she doesn’t have the chops to sing a Kelly Clarkson song and, the part of the performance that was supposed to soar, ended up being the most boring, dreary parts of the show that didn’t involve “Smile”-ing.

Katie and Paige should and will go home. Right America? Please don’t make me lose faith in this country. (Oy, I have a bad feeling about this.)

So what’d you think of this episode? Was Lacey Brown actually good or just good compared to what she’s done before? Is Kara now the best judge? (I hope I didn’t jinx her – especially since Casey James is performing tonight.) Finally, which two girls will and should go home?

24: Momma Said Blow You Up

There are two keys to a good plot twist.

The first is that it (obviously) has to be somewhat of a surprise. The second key — which is actually more important, in my opinion — is that it has to make SO much sense that, in retrospect, you feel like an absolute idiot for not figuring out.

By this standard, I believe “24” pulled off a neat little twist when it was revealed that Tarin — the wrongfully-accused bodyguard of President Hassan’s who we’d last seen getting horizontal in a split screen with Hassan’s daughter Kayla — is, in fact, a mole.

Now maybe you weren’t quite as surprised as I was because you probably haven’t been semi-obsessed with the idea that Kayla was the mole (like I have). I also think T.J. Ramini has been delivering an understated, charismatic performance (it’s almost as if he’s picked up all the charisma Anil Kapoor has dropped) as Tarin. He’s been so good, that it never even occurred to me that he could really be a bad guy.

Either way, the revelation that Kayla has been sleeping with the enemy (granted, they haven’t been doing much sleeping) was one of the season’s most effective cliffhangers. Not too bad for a family/storyline that was getting dangerously close to becoming boring. (They’d been firmly planted in “meh” territory until last night.) Now all we need to do is figure out a way to make Dalia Hassan the president of Kamistan — she appears to have more balls than her embattled husband.

The episode ended with Kayla learning about her baddie boyfriend from her parents, and locking herself in the bathroom. If she’s smart, she’ll take a 45-minute shower to stall and allow CTU to get to their hotel — and if I were Tarin, I wouldn’t really think it was all that unusual for my girlfriend to take a 45-minute shower.

Of course, CTU was only able to get the Tarin info after Jack used a hell of a bluff on would-be suicide bomber Marcos.

If you recall, Marcos had barricaded himself in a hyperbaric chamber and set about manually arming the bomb so he wouldn’t be captured alive. The writers came up with a nifty way of building tension so that the entire episode didn’t consist of Jack pacing angrily outside the chamber. Apparently, Marcos needed to rig four circuits to be able to blow himself up. All I knew is that every time one of those little lights came on, it was bad.

CTU learned that Marcos was American and Hastings sent Cole (welcome back!) to pick up Marcos’ mother, who was about to flee the city at her son’s urging. The scene between the mother and her angry son (whose father was a professor with anti-American ideas who’d committed suicide) was effective, and I thought she was actually going to be able to talk him out of there.

(By the way, I thought this episode — with Marcos in one place and the people he was talking to in another — made excellent use of its split-screen gimmick.)

But then I remembered that this is “24” and Jack Bauer is the hero (damnit!)

Just as Marcos was ready to blow himself up (and CTU had blocked the bad guys from being able to monitor their conversation) Jack went right up to the chamber and informed Marcos that, if he killed himself, he’d make sure that his mom would be killed in the aftermath of the nuclear attack CTU is trying to prevent.

Kiefer Sutherland’s acting was characteristically hardcore, but I didn’t buy this threat for one second. One reason for that is that it’s insane, but another is that Jack appears to be in a better place in his life, so I never actually believed he’d ever follow through on something like that. (Now Jack from some earlier seasons is another story.) I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, it’s just the way things are.

Of course, it doesn’t really matter if I believe it because Marcos fell for it. Unfortunately, the bad guys armed the bomb themselves and Marcos went boom boom before Jack could disarm the bomb. Also, can we all agree that Jack pushing Marcos into the hyperbaric chamber right as he was exploding was simultaneously awesome, hilarious and cold?

Finally, we have to talk about the latest adventures from Dana and Cole. (I’m contractually obligated, sorry.)

Hastings gave them an appropriately harsh reaming when they finally decided to show up. (You can tell he was angry because he’d removed his Bluetooth to yell at them.) He demoted Dana and ordered her to work under Chloe. (At least Arlo hit on Dana again — that must’ve given her a nice sense of normalcy.)

Things seemed to be on the right track (meaning away from the redneck ex) until Dana received a call from Kevin’s parole officer. Apparently, the guy had become fond of Kevin and he knew that Kevin had made a bunch of calls to Dana’s cell, so he demanded to see her.

(Sigh) What can I say? The fact that the parole officer is played by Stephen Root (“Newsradio”, “Office Space”) is encouraging. However, this storyline makes me feel like Al Pacino in “The Godfather Part III.”

Just when we think we’re out of this garbage storyline – the world’s most dogged parole officer shows up.

So what’d you think of this episode? Any chance Jack wasn’t bluffing about killing Marcos’ mama? Finally, what do you think is in store for next week? (Judging from the previews, it looks like we’re in line for a possible beheading and an attack on CTU.)