The Blind Side Review

Going into “The Blind Side”, I thought it was insulting (and it STILL kinda is) that, instead of focusing on Michael Oher - the homeless teen who eventually became a first-round NFL draft pick - the movie would tell the story of the saintly white family who saved him.

After actually seeing the movie, I understand the decision.

Sandra Bullock delivers a powerhouse, career-best (and Oscar-nominated) performance that absolutely carries the flick and elevates what would otherwise be a completely mediocre sports movie at best or a really well-produced Lifetime movie at worst.

I’m not saying I agree with the decision, but I understand it.

Bullock is Leigh Anne Tuohy, the head of a Tennessee family who discovers and takes in a shy, hulking young man nicknamed Big Mike (Quinton Aaron). Eventually, Big Mike becomes assimilated with the Tuohys and, when it’s learned that he scored in the 98th percentile in “protective instincts” (I didn’t even know they tested for that), he joins his prep school’s football team.

I actually thought writer-director John Lee Hancock – adapting a book by Michael Lewis – showed an admirable amount of restraint in portraying Oher’s integration with the Tuohys. I was all set to see conflict between Oher and the Tuohys’ teenage daughter, for example, or maybe a scene with Leigh Anne’s husband Sean admonishing her for focusing too much of her attention on Michael and ignoring her other children. Instead, any trumped up drama is avoided with appealing scenes of Michael gradually coming out of his shell. (Drama is also avoided because Tim McGraw, as Sean Tuohy, plays the most whipped husband in the history of cinema.) A prologue chronicling the importance of the left tackle in football also does a nice job of setting the stage for the movie.

Unfortunately, that’s where I have to stop praising Hancock.

I haven’t read “The Blind Side”, but even if I had, I wouldn’t sit here and complain about all the different changes made to this real-life story. (And the changes I’ve read about are VERY significant.) I’m reviewing this movie on its own terms.

The problem is that the only thing more embarrassing than the sports scenes is the fact that every black character besides Michael is either a drug dealer/addict or works a menial job.

Thank goodness for Sandra Bullock, who commands the screen and the movie with her force of personality. I don’t know that she deserves to win an Oscar for this role (I saw “Julie and Julia” – Meryl Streep was better. Sorry.) but she deserves a gold star for channeling her charisma and pulling off a nice feat of movie star acting. The movie comes alive whenever she’s in it, and she makes you want to forget about the silliness going on. (Although even Bullock couldn’t completely sell the scene where Leigh Anne threatens a drug dealer.)

The rest of the cast is serviceable. Aaron was a bit too catatonic for the first half of the movie (I get he was supposed to be quiet, but there was just NOTHING there), but (like Michael) appears to come out of his shell as an actor as the movie progresses. Jae Head gets some laugh as Leigh Anne’s son, and Kathy Bates shows up in the second half of the movie to give a thoroughly Kathy Bates-y performance as Michael’s tutor.

Now, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get choked up at certain points (this IS a sports movie and I AM a big sap), but this is really nothing more than a straightforward crowd pleaser elevated by a movie star at the height of her powers.

The Blind Side…B-

Nip/Tuck/Thoughts: The Bitch is Back

Coming into this episode, the title of this column could’ve applied to both Julia and Ava Moore (pictured, left).

I know the Julia character has taken her lumps over the years (and I’ve definitely done some of the lumping) for her wishy-washy nature and general shrewness, but I’ve never enjoyed Julia more than I did in the latest episode of “Nip/Tuck.”

Things started out promisingly with Julia (and actress Joely Richardson) looking VERY good, before taking a nosedive when it was revealed that she was in L.A. to announce that she was getting married to an Englishman (allowing Richardson to drop her sometimes-painful American accent) and wanted to take Conor and Annie with her. I mean, why can’t Julia just visit the guys to say hi? She either shows up to hijack Sean’s kids or to announce she’s a lesbian. (Nice job by Christian when he asked if she was marrying a man.)

Predictably Sean took things poorly and threw a tantrum, while Christian tried to sleep with her. That was when this episode revealed it had some tricks up its sleeves.

We learned that Julia stopped Christian’s classy bar bathroom hookup in its tracks. Later, she shut down Sean’s advances in a similar way. While the guys fell into their go-to pattern of behavior, Julia announced (correctly) that she had simply outgrown them. If this had been Julia’s series-closing arc, it would’ve been a beautiful way to end these three characters’ relationship (Christian cheekily suggesting a three-way), which used to be the heart of the show. Instead, there’s one more episode for these three fools to blow it.

And that final episode will not be short on drama, thanks to the return of Famke Janssen’s Ava Moore, possibly the best character in the history of this show.

I remember thinking Janssen was great during her outstanding season 2 run as Ava, but I didn’t realize how much I (and this show) had really missed her presence. Not only is the painfully underused Janssen still sexy (it’s like she dropped off the face of the Earth when they stopped making “X-Men” movies), but she also brings a presence and intelligence to the proceedings.

Ava made an eye-catching entrance (haha, Sean and Christian checked out a guy!) before giving us a quick recap of her past (Alec Baldwin’s Dr. Barrett Moore is dead) and asking the guys to operate on a third-world baby she’d adopted. Christian refused, which prompted Ava to (brilliantly) try to manipulate Sean – and it worked until he figured out that she’d kind of stolen the baby and threw her out.

Fortunately, Ava still had her ace-in-the-hole: Matt McNamara, who confirmed his standing as the biggest fool in the history of fools.

With little effort, Ava seduced Matt (including a little flirting in front of his fiancée’s face) before sleeping with him and convincing him to ask Sean and Christian to perform the procedure. Sean and Christian attempted to straighten Matt out, but once Ava showed up in a limo at his wedding, he was a goner.

This would’ve never happened if Matt had kept his word and banished Sean and Christian from his life like he claimed he was going to. (Does this guy ever follow through on everything?)

Now, the stage is set for the final episode of “Nip/Tuck.” The show’s had a rough go of it over the last few seasons, but I commend everyone involved for putting together a terrific final arc (and for luring Janssen back) for what’s shaping up to be an exciting two-part finale.

So what’d you think of this episode? Did you enjoy Edith and Walter Krieger, the Holocaust survivor patients of the week? (At this point, it’s SO predictable that the surgeries the guys perform are going to backfire. I also thought trying to apply the whole forgiveness theme to Sean’s storyline was a stretch.) Finally, what’s one thing you hope happens in the series finale, and who’s the one character you’re hoping makes a cameo comeback?

American Idol: Male Pattern Badness

I was actually more entertained by the 12 guys who took the stage Wednesday night than I was by their female counterparts the night before.

Then again, part of the reason for that is the fact that the guys were, overall, more train wreck-y than the bland, boring girls. Oh well, train wreck-y or not, it was a more interesting show. (I especially liked Ellen admitting that the judges can’t always hear what we suffer through on TV.)

Let’s break down who’s in, who’s (likely) out and who’s in between.

WHO’S IN

Casey James deserves to advance simply for keeping his cool even as the audience began to laugh at Kara and Randy’s antics at the judges’ table about a second before he started singing. I was afraid Kara’s faux-crush on Casey would overshadow the guy, but even I wasn’t ready for this level of ridiculousness (at least it allowed Ryan Seacrest to get in a genuinely funny HR joke).

As for Casey’s performance of “Heaven” – I liked that he looked totally comfortable (apparently a luxury this season) and suitably teen-dreamy on stage, and that assuredness carried over to his vocals which, save for a few rough spots in the chorus, were probably the evening’s best. He’s a shoo-in for the top 12, but it’s hard to take him seriously as a contender because the judges aren’t taking him seriously either.

Andrew Garcia was a shoo-in for the top 12 before he opened his mouth to sing last night. He was placed in the pimp spot, but underwhelmed with a sleepy, dreamy, ill-conceived acoustic take on Fall Out Boy’s “Sugar We’re Going Down.” The problem with acoustic-ising this particular song is that, when you slow it down, you realize the words don’t really make too much sense. Fortunately for him, he’s got enough credit in the bank thanks to his “Straight Up” Hollywood Week performance. (Or is it secretly a curse that the judges expect him to live up to that every time?)

I’d guess that Michael Lynche and Aaron Kelly will be in the top 12, despite not necessarily having the talent or confidence, respectively, to be there. I’m sorry, but I simply don’t see ANY greatness in Michael. He’s just a fun guy to have around and his jovial take on “This Love” was a nice pick-me-up and little more. His ceiling is a ninth place finish (though with this sorry crop, that might get bumped up to sixth place). Aaron looked and sounded petrified at the beginning of “Here Comes Goodbye” (do you really want to be singing that dude?), but I give him credit for somewhat pulling himself together to finish decently. However, I’m still not a big fan, I just don’t believe he’s ready this year. (I think Ellen’s ripe banana analogy was a better fit for Aaron than Alex.)

Coming into last night, I certainly wouldn’t have placed Lee Dewyze in this category. I also wouldn’t have placed him in the shoo-in group after actually hearing him sing. (I lost count of how many times he went flat on “Chasing Cars.”) However, Lee DOES have a tone that’s pleasing to my ears and, more importantly, Simon Cowell, who (somewhat inexplicably) crowned him the best singer of the evening, in his corner.

I SHOULD SAY THEY’RE IN TROUBLE, BUT THEY’RE NOT

Randy Jackson (of all people) summed up Tyler Grady perfectly – “style over substance.” Tyler’s take on “American Woman” was simply unpleasant to listen to and watch( with his sub-Jim Morrison moves). He seems more focused on convincingly playing a 70’s rock star than he is with delivering a strong musical performance today. In short, he’s coming off as a poser. Still, he seems pretty popular and I believe he’ll be back next week.

Then there’s John Park, whose performance was hopelessly outdated and downright excruciating at times. For a guy who said he picked that song because it meant a lot to him and his family, he was terribly disconnected throughout. (It also wouldn’t hurt for him to get a haircut that doesn’t make him look like a female anime character.) Hopefully Shania Twain came down the U.S. from Canada last night and was able to vote a LOT. This guy has skills and I think he deserves another chance. (Hopefully he’ll lighten up next time.)

I SHOULDN’T SAY THEY’RE IN TROUBLE, BUT THEY ARE

Apparently, I’ve made enough, “Who the (bleep) is Joe Muñoz?” jokes that my girlfriend Erica pointed out to me that I ALWAYS say that when they show this guy. I promise I’ll remember him after his playful, jaunty take on Jason Mraz’s “You and I Both.” He didn’t knock it out of the park or anything, but his performance was kind of cool and I’m curious to hear what else he can do. However, given that this was his first extended screen time and that he performed in the middle of the show, I could see him getting lost in the shuffle.

I’d also be worried if I were Todrick Hall, who performed in the always-dangerous opening position. To his credit, he wasn’t forgettable. The problem is most people probably remember him as the guy who massacred Kelly Clarkson’s “Since U Been Gone.” Now, I think Todrick can really sing (and I want to thank him for bringing the spoken word intro into “Idol”), but his remix was simply NOT good. The fact that he was a male covering Kelly Clarkson was enough of a departure – he didn’t need to give it an early 90’s makeover.

I’D PACK MY SUITCASE IF I WERE YOU

Alex Lambert (pictured, right) was the most divisive “Idol” contestant this season (in my home). And it has nothing to do with his mullet!

Erica loves his tone and probably thinks he’s adorable. I think he didn’t deserve to make it through group rounds (he admitted that his defining moment was getting berated on national TV). I also think watching him tremble his way through “Wonderful World” was painful and I simply DO NOT enjoy watching this guy. However, seeing the judges use the kid gloves when critiquing him (and talk about “potential”) makes me think he might get another shot. Maybe next week will be the week someone actually pees his pants on national TV.

That’s bad news for Jermaine Sellers and Tim Urban.

I still believe Jermaine is a talented singer, but he got the over singing bug again and took “Get Here” to a mostly unpleasant place. On talent, I would say he deserves another week or two. However, the fact that he appears to be a total asshole (and is clueless about being a total asshole) is likely not endearing him to the voting public. (Hearing him claim he’s not a diva, but having no idea what the “Idol” musical director’s name was = priceless.)

Finally, we come to Tim Urban, who was thrust into the top 24 at the last minute – and boy did it seem that way. His “Apologize” was absolutely dreadful. He simply didn’t have the falsetto to pull it off, and the whole thing was utterly uncomfortable. It was so bad Erica literally shook her head, got up from our coach and left while he was singing.

True story.

So what’d you think of this episode? Are singer supposed to stick to the melody or rework a song to make it their own? Are Andrew (and Crystal Bowersox to a lesser extent) hiding behind their guitars? Finally, who do YOU see going home?

Lost: Mirror, Mirror

Jack’s always been the character I identify with the most.

No, I’m not a spinal surgeon, and no, my dad isn’t an alcoholic who taunts me by saying that I’ll never reach my full potential.

However, there are other aspects of the character I connect with. Like Jack, I’m sort of a fixer and I get very angry very quickly when I can’t handle a situation by myself. Also, when feel as if I’ve let others down, I’m WAY too hard on myself. Most (normal) people who encounter a circumstance that’s beyond their control say, “What can I do? It’s out of my hands.” I (and Jack) go the other way and get even more pissed off that there’s nothing I can do.

Maybe I need to find a nice ocean to contemplate.

Now, as I’ve mentioned in this column, 2007 Castaway Jack has become considerably more self-aware this season (admitting that he didn’t trust himself to Dogen). In “Lighthouse”, Castaway Jack acted more like Vintage Angry Jack, while Sideways Jack appeared to have a major breakthrough. A lot of fans probably found Castaway Jack’s borderline bratty behavior frustrating, but I’ve decided to take a Jacob-esque approach and believe that it was absolutely necessary for Jack to get that tantrum out of his system before he could do whatever the hell it is he needs to do. (Perhaps take over Jacob’s job.)

But before we get to that, let’s back up and talk about the rest of the episode. Following the all-you-can-eat buffet of mythology that was “The Substitute”, “Lighthouse” may have seen lightweight at first. However, upon closer inspection, the show illuminated certain Island mysteries (introducing a cool new setting), while continuing to set the stage for this season (who is it that’s coming to the Island, according to Jacob?)

Still no matter how cool the Island stuff was (and no matter how hilarious Hurley continues to be after all these years), the star of the episode was the Sideways Jack storyline, which was nicely underplayed by Matthew Fox. Turns out this Jack has an appendix scar he can’t quit remember (Castaway Jack had his removed by Juliet in season 4) and a son named David.

At first, I was rolling my eyes because David appeared to be the typical young punk who kept his ear buds on all the time and wanted nothing to do with his father, and Sideways Jack appeared to be every bit as depressing as Castaway Jack (but with a much trendier apartment). Still, after helping (but not really) his mom find Christian’s will (turns out he’s Claire’s dad in Sideways world too) Jack realized that his relationship with David was much closer to his own relationship with Christian than he realized.

Unfortunately, David had slipped out of Jack’s apartment, which led Jack to (I’m guessing) his former house where he found the key under a white rabbit (this episode had MANY callbacks to season 1’s “White Rabbit”) and let himself in. What he found was a window into who his son really was – a classical music lover and a kid who really did love his dad.

He tracked David down to an audition (where they were accepting “candidates”) and got to beam at his son’s skills along with proud papa Dogen (I was delighted to see he’s not a super old being like Richard, and that he and Jack are contemporaries since they sort of bonded at the temple.) Hey, maybe a certain piano-playing physicist is the school’s music teacher.

I’m not going to lie – the final scene between Jack and his song got me. David had kept his affinity for classical piano secret because his dad had taken a strong interest in it and David didn’t want his dad to see him fail. Jack, simultaneously incredulous and completely understanding given his own relationship with his dad, assured him that, “In my eyes, you can never fail.” (I may or may not have teared up at this part – a little.)

I’m not saying Jack and David are now going to Sideways Fenway Park to catch a baseball game together, but it was the sort of breakthrough Castaway Jack was denied, which is particularly painful since Jack blames himself for his father’s death since he’s the one who drove Christian back to the bottle.

Still, I’m not giving up on Jack getting his redemption because it appears that Jacob still has high hopes for our favorite tortured doc.

The main Island storyline found Jacob appearing to Hurley and insisting he recruit Jack to accompany him on a secret “old school” mission to a place “they don’t quite understand.” Hurley was able to convince Jack by relaying Jacob’s (really Christian’s) message that Jack DID have what it takes. Still, the highlight of the early Temple scene was Hurley standing up to Dogen after Dogen discovered him hovering near a secret passageway. (“Why don’t YOU go back to the courtyard?”)

Thank goodness for Hurley. As the show gets trippier with its time travel plots and flash-sideways, Hurley’s role as the voice of the audience has become even more essential to take the piss out of the overly-serious proceedings. I only wish partner-in-snark Miles were a bit more involved this season (especially since that tic-tac-toe game kinda looked like fun). When Jack and Hurley ran into Kate on their way to the Lighthouse, Hurley apologized to Jack for ruining his “game.” Me? I was actually perfectly ok with just a dash of Kate last night.

After a brief stop at the caves, the two arrived at the Lighthouse, the top of which featured several mirrors and a contraption that mirrored the names and numbers in the cave Anti-Locke showed Sawyer last week. Jack saw something strange in the mirror and insisted Hurley move the needle to his name, which revealed Jack’s childhood home. Jack, already enraged that Jacob (or his father) was not present, smashed the mirrors seemingly out of anger that Jacob had been watching him (and perhaps predetermining his fate) from a very early age. My guess it that Jacob is giving Jack chance to realize that there is a (VERY IMPORTANT) reason whey he’s been watching Jack (and his friends) all this time. I'm also guessing Jack is wrong and he's NOT stupid at all to think the Island can fix him.

There was also another reason he wanted to get Hurley and Jack (two of the non-crossed out “candidates”) out of the Temple – it seems like Claire is headed there with her “friend.”

As soon, as Claire mentioned her “friend” it was pretty obvious she was referring to Anti-Locke and the show was doing the thing where it intentionally (and annoyingly) withholds a person’s identity. (Like when the Oceanic 6 insisted on referring to Locke as “Bentham” before the big casket reveal.)

Still, I found the scenes with Claire, and her squirrel wig jungle makeover, pretty enjoyable and intriguing. I’ve always liked Emilie de Ravin, but let’s be honest – Claire was never the most compelling character in the world.

Most importantly, I’m looking forward to finding out what actually happened to Claire. It’s widely assumed she died when Keamy and the freighter mercenaries attacked the Others’ village, and yesterday we learned that she definitely underwent (and failed) the same test Dogen gave Sayid. Still, she was last seen hanging out with Christian Shephard after ditching baby Aaron to follow him in the jungle. Now, she’s hanging out with Anti-Locke (did she ditch Christian or are Anti-Locke and Christian one in the same?) and she’s got a Rosseau-like obsession with getting her baby back.

I mean, she gave unfortunate Other Justin the Scatman Crothers-in-“The Shining” treatment, and she gave Jin the crazy eye when Jin told her Kate had “taken” Aaron. (I know English is still his second language, but that’s just an unfortunate choice of words.) He quickly changed his story and said Aaron was being held at the Temple, where it appears she, Jin and Anti-Locke are now headed.

So what’d you think of this episode? Who’s Jack’s baby mama? (Sarah, Kate, Juliet?) Who’s on his (or her) way to the Island? (Desmond? Charles Widmore again?) Finally, do you think the show will reveal to us the identity of the Adam & Eve skeletons from the caves? (I’m actually one of the people who couldn’t care less about this “mystery.” I’m more interested in the creepy skeleton in Claire’s crib.)

American Idol: Girls Night Off

The word on this street (and at the top of Tuesday’s episode) is that a girl is going to win this season of “American Idol.

I’ve been critical, to say the very least, of the guys in the competition on this very blog, so I was inclined to agree with that sentiment going into the ladies’ first semifinal performance.

Now, I’m no alarmist, but after watching the ladies take the stage — I feel considerably less sure about that. (Let’s say I’m not betting any of my own money on a girl winning.) I’m still a fan of many of the performers, so I’ll chalk it up to nerves (a couple of girls looked downright horrified).

Still, I was disappointed that we didn’t get anything CLOSE to Allison Iraheta coming out of nowhere and tearing up Heart’s “Alone” or Kris Allen coming out of nowhere and becoming my girlfriend Erica’s crush object.

Despite the fact that I’m always embarrassingly off, I’m going to separate Tuesday night performers into those who are shoo-ins to stay, those who should pack their bags and those in between.

WHO’S IN:

Ok, so Crystal Bowersox basically did the same thing we saw her do during her final Hollywood Week performance (but with considerably whiter teeth!) — she whipped out the guitar/harmonica combo and delivered a refreshingly assured performance (this time it was Alanis’ “Hand in my Pocket”).

I realize this isn’t Song Arrangement Idol, but I do have slight concerns as to whether she’ll be able to show the versatility and creativity the audience usually demands of its contestants. (Simon crudely made the not-entirely-inaccurate point that there are millions of girls on sidewalks doing what she does.) However, her cool, confident vibe was exactly what this episode needed after more than a few train wrecks. (More on those later.)

I also don’t think Didi Benami and Siobhan Magnus (pictured, right) are doing anywhere. Didi scored points by being self-conscious about her over-crying and then delivered a version of Ingrid Michaelson’s “The Way I Am” that out-Megan Joyed Megan Joy. Sure, she probably botched the last note, but she was definitely good enough to not be totally overpowered by her loud shirt, so she’ll be back next week.

Speaking of not being overpowered by their loud clothes, Siobhan’s main claim to fame thus far was her awful wardrobe. Now, I’ll know her as the cool girl who sang Chris Isaak’s “Wicked Game” and appears to be one of the few people in this competition with a strong lower register. (Well, her and John Park.)

Lily Scott didn’t quit reach her Hollywood Week heights, but she gets credit for delivering the first solid performance of the evening (after 30 dreary minutes) and for picking a Beatles song “Fixin’ a Hole” that isn’t completely played out. Also, people will remember the girl with the silver hair.

Finally, I think people will also remember Katelyn Epperly for being surprisingly good (and even a little funky) in her performance of “Oh Darlin’” AND for her mini-spat with Kara who criticized her outfit and (clown) make-up.

I SHOULD SAY THEY’RE IN TROUBLE, BUT THEY’RE NOT

Ok, so we all know Haeley Vaughn is kind of terrible right? However, there are different shades of bad. There’s “aggressively awful”, there’s “so bad it’s strangely good”, etc. Haeley may have invented a new bad — she’s winningly inept. Randy was right to point out that her upper register can be downright unpleasant, but I actually found myself tapping my feet during her take on “I Wanna Hold Your Hand.” I mean, she was having fun, so I was having fun! (That being said, I totally understand if she annoys the hell out of you.) She definitely has another week in her.

The same is probably true for A-Rod (aka Ashley Rodriguez). To recap, she didn’t measure up to Alicia Keys during her audition (“If I Ain’t Got You”), fell short of Jordin Sparks (“Battlefield”) in Hollywood Week, and delivered an underwhelming Leona Lewis cover (“Happy”) on Tuesday. Still, she’s probably this season’s “hot girl”, so she’ll be around next week. (I wonder which diva she’ll fail to live up to then.)

Then there’s Katie Stevens. “Feeling Good” was an uninspiring choice, to say the least. (Two years ago Leslie Hunt and A.J. Tabaldo were eliminated on the same semifinal night for singing that song.) Even less inspiring was her lack of energy, robotic “dancing” and general joylessness. However, the fact that she got the pimp slot (and some extra interview time with Ryan) means the producers want her to stick around for a bit.

I SHOULDN’T SAY THEY’RE IN TROUBLE, BUT THEY ARE

Lacey Brown has been pretty great so far, but her “Landslide” couldn’t have been more disastrous if it had been an actual landslide. What a shame. It was so bad that Simon channeled the Ghost of Paula Abdul and complimented her “nice eyes” to cheer her up.

I’D PACK MY SUITCASE IF I WERE YOU

Two people are going home, and I have three singers left to discuss.

Despite every single factor telling me that Paige Miles is going home (lack of screen time, performing first, a horribly uneven performance, the sound messing up on her "Vote for Me" recap package at the end of the show), I think she’s staying. It’s not because of anything she did in “It’s All Right Now” (her accents were good, but she appeared to neglect everything else). I just can’t get over Simon going out of his way to say that she had the best voice among the females. Besides wanting some of what Simon is smoking, the cranky Brit doesn’t usually go out on a limb like that for a contestant unless he thinks they can go very far. As a result, I’ve got her going further than the first week of the semifinals.

That means I’ve got Janell Wheeler (Tampa!) and Michelle Delamor going home.

I actually wasn’t offended by Janell’s underwhelming take on Heart’s “What About Love.” I liked that it was kind of chill. However, she looked positively terrified on stage and, once again, if you don’t believe in yourself, why should I believe in you? I’ll miss Janell (and her passing resemblance to Jenna Fischer) if she leaves.

Then there’s Michelle Delamor. Sure her take on Alicia Keys’ “Fallin’” wasn’t offensively bad either. However, I can’t for the life of me remember a single thing about it. (This is the girl with curly hair, right?) I mean for someone with no screen time, she needed to make a stronger first impression, in my opinion.

So what’d you think of this episode? Why WAS Ellen moved away from Simon? Was Katelyn really thinking Kara was a “bitch”? (She didn’t deny it.) Why does Simon hate “Battlefield” so much? Finally, who do you see going home?

24: Say Goodbye to the Bad Guys

It’s kind of hard to get attached to any of this season’s bad guys when they keep dropping like flies.

The latest episode, for example, opened with last week’s cliffhanger — Josef Bazhaev had stolen the nuclear rods to hurt his father and was going to sell them to Farhad Hassan. Yet Josef had already been taken out by Farhad’s men before the opening credits had finished popping up on our screens.

That left Farhad as this season’s main bad guy — for about 10 minutes! We were shortly introduced to Marcos and Samir who claimed they couldn’t get the nuclear rods out of New York City and had decided to use them on U.S. soil. (Duh! You can’t have any sort of nuclear materials in a major city on “24” and NOT use them.)

Farhad couldn’t stomach this (I suppose he likes having the THREAT of nuclear weapons and isn’t too keen on actually using them) and double crossed his new friends. The episode ended with him hiding while he awaited rescue from CTU, led by Jack (which wasn’t able to trace his mobile phone for reasons that remain unclear to me).

The reason Jack is leading the CTU extraction of Farhad is because he’s sweet on Renee.

More specifically, Renee had been set up to take the fall for the failure of the Undercover Vlad mission. Rob Weiss, the president’s chief of staff, strong-armed CTU Head Brian Hastings into allowing that Renee be interrogated by Kristen Smith, a tough interrogator from Justice.

Because Jack is both physically awesome and mentally brilliant, he immediately realized what was happening, barged into the interrogation after dispatching of a hapless security guard and menaced Kristen for browbeating Renee. (“How dare you?”) You see, Renee had asked Jack for clarification on what he meant when he said that Renee “had him” during her moment of greatest despair. Jack said, “I meant it the way it sounded.” (Swoon?) In the end, Jack decided to lead the Farhad extraction, in exchange for Renee’s freedom. Hastings agreed to the deal because Agt. Owen (the guy who was going to lead the operation in Agt. Cole Ortiz’s absence) looked like he was about 15 years old. (I think I could actually smell that guy pooping his pants.)

Ok, where do I start?

I don’t understand why anybody (Renee, Hastings) has to be set up to take the fall for a mission that is ongoing. I mean, things definitely looked bad when Farhad got his hands on the nuclear rods (that sounded a bit dirty), but CTU was still working leads and the focus on shifting blame felt weirdly pessimistic. I also don’t see why it’s unacceptable for a woman to stab a man 15 times after that man has put his hands on her. (But that could just be me.)

Still, the most offensive part of this storyline is the idea of Jack and Renee as a couple. Don’t get me wrong, Jack is hot and Renee is hot, so I can see it working on that level. The problem I have is the unnecessary fascination with having two TV characters pair up for no other reason than one’s a guy and the other’s a girl. (See: “House”, “Bones”, “NCIS” or any other shot with a male and female lead.) It would’ve been downright refreshing (and more plausible) for these two to just remain friends. Now, I’m afraid we’re all going to have to groan through this show’s attempts to dramatize a romance.

I mean, look at what the writers have done with Dana and Cole.

Dana followed Kevin and Nick (not Jonas) to a VAN down by the RIVER and, um, sat in her car for 30 minutes. You can probably say that she was waiting for the women to leave, but if she was going to murder Kevin and Nick in cold blood, why not bump off a couple of anonymous hookers? (It would make the crime seem even more random!)

Instead, Dana sat in her car long enough to allow Cole to arrive (thanks to meddling Arlo’s help) and stop her. She confessed (over a commercial break) everything about her past, leading Freddie Prinze Jr. to unleash his inner badass. He told Kevin and Nick they could either go to jail (along with Dana) or skip town. (Hey, when Freddie Prinze Jr. tells you to skip town, you damn well better do it!)

Except that Nick has apparently seen the “Scooby Doo” films and wasn’t too intimidated by Cole. He stabbed Kevin and was about to take a shot at Dana and Cole. Kevin (in a heroic death) cried out a warning, allowing Cole to dispatch of Nick, and leading Dana to cradle her fallen (and now sorta heroic) ex as he died.

Now that the Kevin/Nick threat is out of Dana’s life she (and we) can hopefully move on to considerably less ridiculous storylines — once they’re done dumping those bodies in the river.

So what’d you think of this episode? Now that we’ve moved on to new bad guys, have we heard the last of Sergei Bazhaev? (It’d be kind of a shame because Jurgen Prochnow kind of acted his ass off in his brief scene in the beginning.) Do you think Rob Weiss is a White House mole? (I don’t think he’s a double agent – I just think he’s a dick.) Finally, why didn’t Hastings seem even MORE bothered that his head of field ops and lead analyst were gone during a crucial moment in the mission? (I bet he’s going to cock his head extra slanted at Cole and Dana when they get back – he might even throw his Bluetooth earpiece at them!)

Project Runway: Little Women

It’s pretty easy to make fun of Seth Aaron (pictured, right).

And I do, a LOT!

I mean, the guy’s face makes him look like he’s 50 years old, yet he insists on having jet black hair – the dye isn’t fooling anyone, dude! (And that’s assuming it’s not a wig). There’s also the fact that he goes by “Seth Aaron.” (If I made people call me “John Ruben”, I would come off as a douche too.)

Still, I have absolutely nothing but good things to say about the guy (even flopping himself down on the floor at Mood was worth it, since he found the houndstooth fabric he coveted) after his performance during the latest episode of “Project Runway.”

I’m not just talking about his two winning looks on the runway. In a challenge — create a look for an elementary school-age girl — that had many of the designers (and people at home) fretting and rolling their eyes, Seth Aaron’s enthusiasm and joy throughout the evening was a welcome breath of fresh air. (He has a young daughter himself, so he was particularly inspired

I’ll even give the dude the benefit of the doubt and assume that when he coined the word “comfrit” he meant it as some kind of combination of “comfort” and “fit.”

At the other end of the spectrum we had Jonathan, who was completely freaked out by the kids. Or, as he put it, “They are very small.” Alrighty then. At least Anthony found a funny way to deal with his annoyance, asking a few of the girls if they had an “off-switch.” (The irony of Anthony — who can’t stay completely quiet for more than 14 minutes and 56 seconds — telling someone else to stop talking seemed to be completely lost on him.)

The designers appear to be getting all savvy on us, correctly anticipating that the challenge would have a twist. (My girlfriend Erica gets extra bonus points for calling exactly what the twist would be before it was even announced there would be a twist.) The contestants would have to create a corresponding “mommy” look for their models (of the runway).

With a more manageable number of competitors left, we seem to be getting more peeks into their personalities. For example, we now know that Amy likes to wrap a black towel around herself and pretend it’s a real outfit. We also know that Mila’s self-aware button appears to be broken. After complaining of feeling isolated last week, Mila insisted that her fellow designers were beginning to accept her. She seemed to be oblivious to the fact that Emilio and Co. were actually mocking her affinity for color blocking, so I’m not going to be the one to burst her bubble.

Speaking of Emilio, he uttered what’s usually a death sentence on this show: “I’m going to play it safe this week.” And play it safe he did. Though I actually liked his tight, pink, poofy-shouldered adult dress, his little girl dress was about three sizes too big and was SO mailed in that the only thing missing was a postage stamp. Then again, I’ll be damned if Emilio isn’t destined to wind up in the top 3 because he actually ended up being safe.

Seth Aaron was joined in the top 3 by Jay Nicolas and Jesse (and his alarming lack of a middle name). Jesse’s work was the most ambitious (two good dresses AND a jacket), while Jay Nicolas’ designs were arguably the most beautiful.

Still, the challenge was to design an outfit for a little girl, and Seth Aaron’s work was the most FUN. (Or it had the most “whimsy” as the judges said.) It was also excellently executed, highlighted by the houndstooth jacket that Michael Kors called it the “best-tailored garment” they’ve seen all year.

Speaking of Michael Kors, Jonathan appeared to predict his own bottom 3 fate earlier in the episode with a solid Michael Kors impersonation. (On a scale of 1 to Santino’s impersonation of Tim Gunn, it was a 6.) I actually felt a bit bad for Jonathan. He announced that he’d played it safe up to now and was ready to take a chance and have his breakout week. (That’s actually smart strategy because when there are 16 designers, you have a much better chance of sticking out like a sore thumb than you do standing out in a great way.) The problem was that he over-designed in a challenge that required a relatively simple (and fun) look.

Still, I’ll take a guy who tried to do too much over someone who is completely uninspired (and uninspiring) — which brings us to Janeane.

Janeane and Amy made up the bottom 2. I actually really liked Amy’s pants in motion on the runway, but seeing them still and under the judges’ withering gaze, the petals on her “clown pants” looked frayed and sloppy. And although her little girl was dressed a bit like Punky Brewster, I’m not really sure what guest judge Tory Burch was talking about when she said the colors orange and blue were not complementary. (I thought they were the definition of complementary.)

Still, Amy has been such a strong competitor that there was no way she was going home. (Again, I’m grateful for the judging continuity this year, which was able to recognize Amy’s talent.)

That meant Janeane (with her plain coral tank top — which she seemed to think looked pink, but actually looked orange — and her busted adult jacket) were sent home. At first, I found her self-deprecating attitude about her lack of skills funny. Eventually, it got depressing. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again — if you don’t believe in yourself, why should I believe in you?

So what’d you think of this episode? Are you going to start going by your first and middle name? Were you as happy to see the return of “thoughtfully” (and the inclusion of “strategically”) in reference to the Bluefly.com Accessory Wall? Finally, whose kids were those?!

Nip/Tuck/Thoughts: Plastic Surgery is SO 2004

“Nip/Tuck” decided to go all meta on us in its antepenultimate episode. (Yeah, I could’ve said “next to next to last episode”, but where’s the fun in that?)

If you’ve read this recap before, you’ve heard me repeatedly state that this show stopped being a serious drama a LONG time ago. (And how I’m mostly ok with that, as long as it didn’t pretend like it was still a serious drama.)

What I usually don’t mention (but is just as true) is that “Nip/Tuck” seems to have stopped being relevant in the mainstream shortly after the identity of the Carver was revealed at the end of season 3. The show still performed solidly for FX, but it never, EVER recaptured the buzz it had during those first few seasons. Now, (other than the people kind enough to respond to this column) I don’t even know anyone who cares that there are two episodes left.

I feel like the “plastic surgery is SO 2004” sentiment that dominated “Christian Troy II” was a(n unintentional?) reflection of the show itself. (“Nip/Tuck” is SO 2004!) Watching Sean and Christian futilely strive to remain relevant was bittersweet. It made for some interesting drama, but it also reminded us that this show really is past its sell-by date.

The feeling came to the forefront when Sean and Christian were visited by a real-estate agent couple they’d worked on in Miami. They wanted McNamara/Troy to reverse all the work they’d done for free because their artificially plastic faces were bad for business. Sean and Christian refused, stating that they both looked terrific. (The wife looked ok, but the husband looked like a cat.)

Still, since Sean is a malleable chump, he decided to try out some facial injectables, which were apparently the quicker and cheaper wave of the future. Of course, like most things that are quicker and cheaper, the facial injectables also didn’t work as well. Honestly, the only surprising part of this storyline was that Christian did NOT hook up with the tasty facial injectable doctor. (Although he DID feel some boob and butt, so you can say he hit a solid double.)

To show people that plastic surgery was the best, “no big deal” alternative, Christian insisted on getting a feather lift, filming the procedure and putting it on YouTube. I mean, what could possibly go wrong with that?!

I may be a bit more squeamish than most viewers, but the excellent prosthetics used for this show’s surgical sequences consistently creep me out. So it was easy for me to guess anyone watching on YouTube would have a similar reaction. I actually thought the shot of a lonely Christian sitting sadly and confusedly looking at his laptop was the most effective part of the episode. It was even more effective than the sequence that’ll probably get the most attention.

I’m referring, of course, to Christian’s anesthesia-induced dream. Yes, seeing Joan Rivers (as herself and as Kimber) was amusing, and the return of Joan Von Ark and Donna Mills was random (I would’ve rather seen the return of paper bag girl). However, the sequence went on a bit too long for my taste and ended up feeling way too hokey in the end.

It’s too bad because the more subtle parts (Christian asking “Am I really this ugly?” after getting the cruel lipstick treatment he gave Kimber and others) were very effective. I also enjoyed Christian’s epiphany toward the end of the episode as to why he’s such an asshole. He pushes the people close to him away and ends meaningful relationships before anyone or anything else has a chance to hurt him.

Either way, it seems more likely than ever that the show will end with the lights being turned out at McNamara/Troy.

If I can make one request before that happens – can Liz get one meaningful, non-neurotic/abusive relationship with someone who won’t steal a vital organ?

I feel kind of like a fool for believing that person could actually be Daniela, the bi-curious pharmaceutical rep who Liz hooked up with last night. I thought their tentative flirting was cute, and I liked seeing Liz in the lead as a sexy and confident woman. Unfortunately, Liz didn’t like getting, um, sprayed in the face, so the relationship was doomed. (I’m guessing if things had gone better in bed, Daniela wouldn’t have gone back to her husband.)

With only two episodes left, I was disappointed to see Liz yet again left sobbing after being rejected by another romantic prospect?

So what do you think of this episode? Does Liz (or any other character on this show) deserve a happy ending? How do you think Ava Moore (Famke Janssen, where have you been?!) will figure into next week’s episode? Were you surprised by how much thinner Julian McMahon looked in season 1? Finally, would you watch a surgical procedure on YouTube?

American Idol: The Semifinalists Are...

How do you know when a new season of “American Idol” is officially underway? When you start yelling at the television!

(Also, when you start yelling at the person next to you without even realizing that your voice has gotten too loud and despite the fact that the person next to you didn’t do anything. Sorry, Erica.)

I may or may not have done this myself during Wednesday night’s unveiling of the remaining singers that would make up season 9’s Top 24.

Overall, most of the contestants you expected to make it to the semifinals made it through, accompanied by a few singers who were apparently recently added to the season 9 cast given the fact that no one’s ever seen them before.

There was also one notable (and cruel) elimination and, for the second night in a row, a booted contestant who, for the last few minutes they would spend in the country’s consciousness, chose to do away with any semblance of dignity.

Allow me to give you my very brief thoughts on Wednesday night’s (mercifully ONE-hour telecast) before I break down each of the 17 singers who advanced to the semifinal rounds.

- I kind of hate almost every guy in the semifinals. (More on this later.)

- Usually, the show manages to create some sort of drama over which guy and which girl will get the last spot in the semifinals. Wednesday night was NOT one of those times. In the Andrew Garcia/Thaddeus Johnson showdown, it was painfully obvious who was going through (that’d be the super-likable guy who’s had a healthy amount of screen time AND hasn’t had a bad performance yet) and who was going to end up crying in a bathroom stall as his mom tried to console him (ugh).

The female showdown wasn’t much better. It doesn’t matter that Haeley Vaughn isn’t ready for the big stage and arguably hits more bum notes per capita than any other semifinalist. She’s an appealing girl with an appealing story and she was certainly getting in over Tori Kelly, who was mostly notable for the white streak in her hair that made her look like Rogue in the animated X-Men cartoon I used to watch. A Haeley Vaughn/Angela Martin showdown would’ve been MUCH more suspenseful. Speaking of which…

- If Kara wanted to make Angela sit on her own seat’s armrest and act like some weird Santa Claus figure before delivering the bad news, that’s one thing. But, for God’s sake, tell the long-suffering (three seasons worth of heartache) girl that she didn’t make it right away instead of dragging things out! The whole thing seemed disingenuous. It’s as if Kara was more worried about the judges looking mean for cutting this emotionally-fragile girl, than she was about Angela herself. (I actually think Kara genuinely felt bad for her, but this is just how it came across.) Also, this was SO over-the-top that I’m not even sure Paula would’ve pulled that move.

Anyway, let’s get down to the business of breaking down our season 9 semifinalists.

-As my girlfriend Erica so helpfully reminded me, this was MUCH more of a casting special for a TV show than it was a legitimate music competition results program. I get that, I really do. However, that doesn’t make up for the fact that, with the exception of Andrew Garcia, EVERY SINGLE ONE of the male semifinalists is best known for something other than their musical prowess on the “Idol” stage.

To wit:

- Alex Lambert: I’m assuming he was included in the hopes that people will get confused and believe they’re voting for Adam Lambert. Best known for being yelled at by Mary Powers during group week.

- Tim Urban: Best known (by me at least) for butchering David Cook’s “Come Back to Me” during Hollywood Week. Best known by everyone else for replacing the booted Chris Golightly in the semifinals.

- Jermaine Sellers: Great audition. Now is best known for throwing his band under the bus. I hope they play his entire semifinal performance in the wrong key, just to screw with him.

- Joe Muñoz: The male winner of the 2010 “Who are you? Who-who, who-who?” semifinalist award.

- Tyler Grady: Actually seems like a pretty decent singer (“Let’s get it on” audition, and “Home” Hollywood Week performance), but Kara has decided that he will henceforth be known as “70’s” guy.

- John Park: Haven’t heard a peep from him since his audition, but let’s be honest? Do you remember what song he sang or do you remember that Shania Twain complimented his “bottom end.”

- Needless to say, I’m considerably more excited about the girls. I already touched on Haeley, so let me quickly break down the rest.

-Janell Wheeler: Sure, her “Love Story” was disastrous, but I wasn’t thrown off the scent — this girl was WAY too good not to go to the semifinals. (Despite the fact that Simon apparently doesn’t care for her.)

- Crystal Bowersox: She and Tyler Grady are tied for the tile of most relaxed person in this competition. Tyler probably wins the tiebreaker following the endearing look on Crystal’s face when she was told 30 million (not three million) watch this show.

- Katie Stevens: 17-year-old girl who sings and behaves beyond her years — but not in a way that makes her seem like a drag. This girl could go far.

-Lilly Scott: Could easily be overshadowed by either her shiny silver hair or her peacock earrings (or both), but refuses to let that happen by being a good, self-aware (realizing her “Rich Girl” wasn’t up to par) singer.

- Lacey Brown: Her “Over the Rainbow” audition remains better than anything any of the guys who advanced on last night’s show (besides Andrew Garcia) have done in their brief “Idol” runs.

- Of course, the female field is not without its faults.

- Ashley Rodriguez: A-Rod LOOKS like your ideal package artist, but she sounds like a great singer’s weaker little sister. (Witness her feeble take on “Battlefield” during the Hollywood round.)

- Siobhan Magnus: I can’t hear anything she’s singing because her outfits are so loud. And awful.

- Michelle Delamar: Female winner of the 2010 “Who are you? Who-who, who-who?” semifinalist award.

- Paige Miles: Runner-up for the 2010 “WAY? WW, WW” semifinalist award.

So what’d you think of the semifinalists? Who do you think got a raw deal? (Angela Martin should’ve been there instead of Haeley Vaughn or any of the guys – besides Andrew Garcia.) Who would you bet your own money on making it to the top 12? (I think you know my answer by now.) Finally, can you believe we’re less than a week away from the actual live shows?!

Lost: Accept No Substitutes

No offense to Evangeline Lilly, because I think she’s actually very good on this show, but it’s simply not fair to follow a “Kate” episode with an hour focusing on Locke.

I think I speak for a lot of “Lost” fans when I say it was a “Locke” episode (season 1’s “Walkabout”) that REALLY got us hooked on this show. In fact, my advice to anyone looking to convert a non-Lostie would be to pop in the first disc of season 1.

First, there’s the classic action-packed, two-part pilot, followed by the slightly underwhelming “Tabula Rasa” episode focusing on Kate. Then you get to “Walkabout” - with its revelation that the Island somehow made a wheelchair-bound John Locke able to walk – and you’ve got them for good. (By the way, in light of what we’ve seen so far in season 6, does that sequence of episodes look familiar?)

Well, now I’m all in for the final season. (As if I wasn’t before.) “The Substitute” answered questions about the Island’s mythology (though those answers are almost certainly lies), helped set the stakes for the rest of the season (Anti-Locke and whoever he can recruit to his side against the Temple-bound Others) and delivered a Sideways story that was funny and touching at the same time.

Say what you will about Anti-Locke/the Smoke Monster, but the guy is a godsend for any viewers frustrated by this show’s lack of answers. Whereas his rival Jacob seems content to create lists and shroud everything in mystery so that our castaways have to figure everything out for themselves, Anti-Locke likes to bring everything out in the open for everyone to see. With most of the castaways locked in the Temple, Anti-Locke set his sights on the isolated Sawyer.

I LOVED the fact that even though he was drunk off his ass (and pants-less) Sawyer was the ONLY person who could instantly tell the bald man in front of him wasn’t John Locke. (Even Richard had been fooled at first.) Sure, Sawyer’s assessment that Locke was always scared, even when he was pretending not to be was cruel (and probably a method of projection), but I’ll just chalk it up to Sawyer being an angry drunk.

Anti-Locke convinced Sawyer to come with him by promising to answer the question of why he was on the Island. I now have to pause to praise the excellent acting on this show. And although Terry O’Quinn gave two separate excellent performances last night (did you see Anti-Locke curiously sipping that alcohol in Sawyer’s house?), I believe Josh Holloway should be the show’s next “Best Supporting Actor” Emmy winner. Last night, I saw him smoothly transition from “angry at the world, grief-stricken dude” to “still pissed, but back on my con-man game” guy.

In their travels, Anti-Locke and Sawyer encountered a young boy. Earlier, the boy had appeared to Anti-Locke but had been invisible to Richard. In this encounter, both Anti-Locke and Sawyer saw the blond boy, who no longer had blood on his hands. Anti-Locke looked spooked, but gave chase only to be told “you can’t kill him” by the boy, inspiring Anti-Locke to cry something that is very much Regular Locke: “Don’t tell me what I can’t do!”

Two quick things: 1.) In the flash-sideways, we’ve seen instances of the characters recalling their Island lives (Kate almost recognizing Jack, Claire yelling out the name Aaron). I believe this is the first time an Island character has been influenced by their off-Island persona. This is particularly curious in Anti-Locke’s case given that he’s impersonating someone who’s dead. If you believe Ilana, it appears the Monster is stuck looking like Locke, and now it seems like a bit of Locke’s personality is beginning to peek through the Monster’s disguise.

2.) Who do we think the boy is? The easy answer would be Jacob, given his Christ-like resurrection pose and his Others-style wardrobe. Another interesting suggestion I’ve heard is that it’s Aaron (the ages DO appear to matchup). The only problem with that theory is that it makes no sense. (Aaron was last seen off-Island and in Claire’s mom’s hands.)

Anyway, Anti-Locke and Sawyer eventually made their way into a cliff-side cave straight out of “Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.” There was a black stone and a white stone on a scale, and Anti-Locke tossed the white stone (representing Jacob, we can assume) into the ocean, tipping the balance his way. He proceeded to show Sawyer a wall and ceiling full of writing. More specifically, the cave contained the names of (ostensibly) everyone brought to the Island.

The names that weren’t crossed out corresponded to Hurley’s famous numbers AND to the people who Jacob had literally touched at some point in their lives. (Except for Kate.) Anti-Locke crossed out Locke’s name (presumably because he’s dead) and informed Sawyer that this was Jacob’s way of bringing people to the Island and selecting candidates to replace him as the Island’s guardian.

When Anti-Locke snapped that the Island didn’t need protecting because it was just an Island, I was reminded of the real Locke blowing up after becoming convinced pushing the button in the Hatch didn’t really do anything. The only difference is that Anti-Locke very well knows the Island is special (hello, he’s a Smoke Monster!!)

My belief is that the cliff side cave is really the Smoke Monster’s home (I thought it was pretty clearly established that Jacob lived in the foot of the statue) and that Anti-Locke is trying to recruit a replacement for himself so that he can finally be free and go home. I also believe Sawyer, although in a dark place, is only pretending to go along with Anti-Locke’s plans for the time being.

Either way, after being cooped up in that dusty temple for the better part of two hours, it was good to get out and explore the Island a bit.

It was also good to get a Sideways story that was worth a damn. I hate to keep trashing Kate, but her Sideways story really didn’t give us any new insight into her character. (She was a fugitive wanted for murder, who was there for Claire when she was going into labor – just like in the original timeline. The only difference is that all this stuff happened off-Island.) I realize I have to let things play out, but the whole thing seemed rather pointless.

On the other hand, we KNEW we were dealing with a slightly different John Locke before that opening, whooshy “Lost” logo crept across our screens. When he fell off his wheelchair and on his face in his front lawn and started LAUGHING, I was shocked! (I was also endlessly pleased to see Helen rush to his side, and not just because Katey Sagal is hot!)

This Locke still worked at a box company with a jerky boss (though not for long), but he seemed a bit more comfortable in his skin. Maybe TOO comfortable. Helen repeatedly encouraged him to contact the nice spinal surgeon he met at the airport, but Locke was hesitant and had come to accept his life as a wheelchair-bound man by proclaiming that there are no miracles. (That’s SO not what the Man of Faith we all know and love would’ve said). Helen assured him otherwise.

I haven’t decided which Locke I like best. The Sideways Locke was more assertive and obviously more content than Original Timeline Locke, who ended up dying miserable, alone and confused. Still, Sideways Locke was missing the believing glint in his eye – the belief being that anything was possible.

Of course, the other big occurrence in the Sideways storylines were all the cameos. At first, I thought they were too cutesy by half. I mean, Rose as a temp company manager delivered a very strong moment, but really?! Rose?! I mean, why stop there? Why not have the black boy who Locke stopped and ask for directions at the end be Walt?

Eventually, I got over it because these Sideways cameos were so damn fun. Hurley, in particular, appeared to have his act together as the millionaire owner of Locke’s box company. I LOVED his kindness and composure when Locke was railing against him for parking his car too close to Locke’s wheelchair access device. I officially can’t wait to see a Hurley-centric Sideways story.

Then there’s that persnickety European Science teacher who hates it when people don’t replace the coffee filter. I don’t know about you, but I started laughing out loud as soon as I heard Ben’s voice. (It was his second funniest moment, following his “John Locke was a better man than I could ever be – and I’m sorry that I murdered him” eulogy.) Locke and Ben’s connection (just like Kate and Claire’s last week) gave me faith that these Sideways storylines are going – somewhere. That faith carries over to the rest of this season.

So what’d you think of this episode? Why did Anti-Locke have Richard hanging from that tree at the start of the episode? What is Ilana going to do with the ashes from Jacob’s fire? How is Locke paralyzed in the Sideways world? (Since his dad is invited to the wedding, I’m guessing he didn’t push Locke out of a window.) Finally, what’s the “weirdest damn funeral” you’ve ever been to?

American Idol: Semifinal Destination

The third round of Hollywood Week – in which we learned the identity of seven of our 24 season 9 semifinalists – was action packed!

(That’s assuming you consider watching footage of depressed/scared teens and 20-somethings sitting quietly in a conference room for almost an hour to be “action packed.”)

Before we find out who will fill the remaining 17 slots, let me give you my quick hits on Tuesday night’s (unnecessarily) two-hour episode.

- Why can’t there be any chairs or tables in the conference rooms? I get that “Human Target” is probably VERY expensive, but Fox could’ve sprung for some bean bag chairs.

- Sorry, but I can’t let this conference room thing go without one last quick thought. If the camera was going to focus in on the contestants and give us a cheesy voiceover in which that person gave us their thoughts (it was usually some pointless cliché) why not have a little fun with it? For example, they could’ve panned the camera to some random guy and had the voiceover say something like, “I’m in the same room as Mary Powers – I’m toast” or “I REALLY gotta pee.”

- In a semi-related story, it was painfully obvious (to me) that room number 2 would be sent home as soon as I saw Mary “Hot n Mostly Cold” Powers. The show also couldn’t let her leave without one final insult – Simon said she seemed “old” but that it was “interesting.” (Oddly enough with the onslaught of shaky teens and guitar girls, I understood what he meant.)

- The real shame about losing room #2 was the dismissal of Tasha Layton (who never hit a bum note and sounded pretty damn good on Coldplay’s “The Scientist” and Jermaine Purifoy, who added a very funny pause between “brick” and “house” during his last performance.

- Is it too late to switch Jermaines? I was a big fan of Jermaine Sellers after his “One of Us” audition, but every time I see him now I like him less. First it was his over-singing. Now it’s his over-singing and his blaming the band for his bum final note.

- On the other hand, Crystal Bowersox looks like a total pro up on stage, rocking the harmonica/guitar combo last night. Now I feel even worse for only being able to focus in on her brown teeth. (I mean, they’re not even yellow like us regular people – they’re BROWN!)

- If you want to make a world a better place… “Idol” should really vary its songs selection for “Hollywood Week.”

Out of the 46 people who survived the Conference Rooms of Doom, only two were eliminated on Tuesday. And if you want to know how to handle rejection with class and dignity, you should definitely watch Jessica Furney after she was eliminated – and do the absolute opposite. I mean, she’s 21 years old, and she could theoretically come back for the next seven years, but I kind of don’t ever want to see her again.

Anyway, let’s get on to the people who have actually gotten into the semifinals.

- Didi Benami: the best singer by a long shot out of all the people who were put through the top 24. Still, if I actually had to bet some of my own money on which of the seven semifinalists from Tuesday would have the best shot of making the top 12, I would bet on…

- Casey James: Despite looking shaky in the third round of Hollywood Week, the guy improved by leaps and bounds in his previous two performances and has a good chance of being this season’s “hot guy.” I am worried, however, about a potential backlash – just as we were forgetting about Casey taking off his shirt to please Kara and Posh Spice, we were force fed a storyline about Kara having a crush on him. Ugh. It can see it getting to a point where it’s just too much.

- Michael Lynche (pictured, right): Absolutely does NOT deserve to be there based on the strength (or lack thereof) of his vocals, yet I had no doubt he was in after all the time and back story dedicated to Michael and his new baby girl. He’s SUCH a likable guy though, and I’m genuinely curious to see how hard the judges go after him following his inevitably underwhelming semifinal performances.

- Todrick Hall: He appears to have some goods, but I still have the image of him being part of that thoroughly annoying “Destiny’s Wild” group from the second Hollywood Week round. Oh well, even if he craps out, he’ll always have that picture of him with Oprah.

- Lee Dewyze: If you would’ve asked me if “Lee Dewyze” was a contestant on “American Idol” or a porn star, I definitely would’ve said porn star. Seems like a cool guy though.

- Katelyn Epperly: It’s been more than a month since we first met her and the most memorable thing about her remains the fact that her parents got divorced. Not good.

- Aaron Kelly: I just don’t get it. I didn’t think his “The Climb” audition was all that, and he forgot his lyrics in two out of three Hollywood Week performances! I get that “Idol” likes to have a harmless teen-dream because they think it’ll get the moms voting (if I were a mom I’d be insulted by this assumption), but the fact of the matter is that this kid is simply not ready to be the next “American Idol.” I can only assume they put him through because they’re fairly confident he’ll forget his lyrics in the semifinal round, pee his pants, and make Twitter explode.

So what’d you think of this episode? Who were you disappointed to see go, and who were you surprised to see remain? Finally, give me two people (one guy/one girl) who are definitely in. (I’ll give you Andrew Garcia and Angela Martin.)

24: The Torturer Becomes the Torturee

Things were going WAY too well weren’t they?

Jack had escaped his “Lethal Weapon”-esque torture to kick an entire Russian gang’s ass, Dana had apparently decided to take matters into her own hands and seemed to be on the verge of killing her ex, Kevin, and his more-dangerous hillbilly friend Nick. On top of that, it seemed like the good guys were about to get their hands on those nuclear rods and salvage the peace talks between U.S. President Taylor and President Hassan.

Except that this is only episode 8 and if you’ve seen this show before you knew there was no way those nuclear rods would be in that truck.

Sometimes I feel like this show would be better off if it were called “22” or “18”. Too often, the show HAS to throw some sort of absurd inconvenience in our hero’s way because Jack is so ridiculously efficient and effective that he could probably wrap up a season’s worth of conflict in about 45 minutes. It’s a paradox.

Fortunately, the show did a pretty good job of setting up and executing its artificial conflict in Monday night’s episode.

I mean it was obvious that Josef Bazhaev was definitely NOT ok with his dad Sergei mercy killing Josef’s brother, no matter what he said. Personally, I would’ve guessed that Josef was going to end up putting a bullet in his father, but it turned out that stealing his papa’s nuclear rods and selling them to Farhad Hassan was a much more effective “f--- you.”

Other than the Jack/Renee action, this season has (deservedly) taken some flack for not moving very fast. (For example, I’d kind of completely forgotten about Farhad, who really does look like Jason Schwartzman, until he popped up in my TV last night — that’s not really saying much about our season’s big threat.) At least this latest episode was considerate enough to pack in some solid Bauer-power and a strong performance by a supporting player.

This is the part where I praise Kiefer Sutherland for being a more credible action hero in his mid-40’s than most young guys running around on the big screen these days. Sergei had (correctly) pegged Jack as a “cop” and had unleashed his torturer on him. It didn’t take long for Jack to turn the tables on the guy, snap his neck and wreak havoc on a restaurant full of scared Russian mobsters. (What exactly was the point of Sergei shooting all those wine glasses when Jack was hiding under the table?)

At least the stupidly-destructive Sergei was redeemed in my eyes thanks to strong work by Jurgen Prochnow. Watching this previously badass mob boss break down and cry upon the realization that he’d killed his own son for a job that had gone south was sad and afforded a “24” bad guy a rare bit of humanity.

He’d asked for and received total immunity from President Taylor. (Taylor and CTU (Dick)Head Hastings are getting smarter, since they both instantly approved the immunity on Jack’s recommendation.) Unfortunately, when Cole and his team (including a curiously-nervous new guy) arrived, the rods were gone and it seems like they’ll fall into Farhad’s hands after all.

When President Hassan hears about THAT development, he’s likely to arrest everybody (including you and me). His daughter Kayla (who I speculated may be a villain after all) tried to appeal to her father after bodyguard/boyfriend Tarin’s arrest. Now I’m thinking the culmination of this disappointingly-static “Hassan goes crazy” storyline is that he’ll end up having his own daughter arrested. (Personally, I think it’d be more interesting if she were somehow involved in the nuclear plot and President Hassan has been arresting all the wrong people the whole time, but that’s just me.)

I honestly can’t decide what’s worse — that the President Hassan/Taylor storyline is going nowhere or that every person who works at CTU New York (except for Chloe and Freddie Prinze Jr.) is incredibly annoying.

I mean, when I found myself rooting for Arlo, the snarky-jealous-irritating techie, to blow Dana Walsh’s scheme wide open, I knew this was in a bad place. Meanwhile, Mykelti Williamson has decided that squinting REALLY hard = acting whenever Hastings is listening to someone talk. (Ok, I’ll admit I actually find this one pretty amusing.)

Then there’s Dana herself. I mean, who could’ve possibly seen that Kevin and Nick (Jonas?!) were never going to be content with ripping her off one single time. Oh wait, anyone with a brain could see that. So, to summarize, Dana is smart enough to create a new identity, land a high-level job at CTU, but she’s stupid enough to believe that Kevin and Nick were going to leave her alone after she helped them steal $120,000.

She seemed to be on the verge of confessing everything to Cole before he got called into Hastings’ office. (There’s another one of those classic “24” roadblocks.) Now, it appears Dana has decided grab a gun and track Kevin and Nick down at whatever sleazy strip club they’re hitting so she can rid herself (and us) of these fools forever. It probably doesn’t say much that this is DEFINITELY her best idea yet.

So what’d you think of this episode? Who will President Hassan arrest next? How will Jack and Co. track down the nuclear rods now? Finally, is Renee (about to undergo a psychiatric evaluation) crazy or just a little unwell?

Godspell at the Straz Performing Arts Center Review

For someone who was “raised Catholic”, my knowledge of religion is oftentimes downright embarrassing!

Whenever I’m playing along with “Jeopardy!” at home, my kryptonite is any category having to do with the Bible. (Well, that and U.S. Geography, but that’s another story.)

Still, even I know enough to be familiar with some of the Bible’s most famous parables, many of which are featured in the production of “Godspell”, now playing in the Jaeb Theatre at the David A. Straz Performing Arts Center in Tampa.

“Godspell” is ostensibly based on the Gospel of Matthew, though several allegories/skits are based on other parts of the Bible, such as the passion of Christ and the Gospel of Luke.

The musical, written by John-Michael Tebelak and Stephen Schwartz, originally opened off-Broadway in 1971, and has been staged (seemingly) in perpetuity over the last 29 years.

The latest production opened in the modestly-scaled Jaeb Theatre (featuring what is said to be the tiny theatre’s biggest stage yet) on Feb. 9 and I was lucky enough to catch preview performance.

I can definitely see why this show has endured for almost three decades.

The structure of “Godspell” allows for an incredible amount of liberties to be taken by the director staging the show — that would be Rick Criswell, in this case — and its actors. Other than Jesus and John the Baptist/Judas, all the characters are named after the actors playing them. Though each character fills a “type”, it appears as if each actor has the freedom to infuse their roles with their own personality.

This particular cast (pictured, right) is VERY impressive in what is really a marathon of a high-energy show. From the moment Craig Sculli, Michael Indeglio, Alison Burns, Heather Krueger, Nadeen Holloway and Fred Ross hit the stage, they hit it hard and they hardly stop for a breather.

The standouts include Sculli as Jesus (who pulls off his demanding role with charisma), Indeglio (who really gets a chance to shine in Act II), and Krueger (just an arresting personality who gets a chance to shine in Act II-opener “Turn Back, O Man.”)

However, it’s this same energy that proves a little off-putting at certain points (especially early on when you’re not used to the show’s rhythm). The sheer speed and force of the way the actors delivered their lines and sang their songs (combined with my admitted ignorance) made the show hard to follow for a while.

On top of that, the show moves so fast from one skit/parable to the next that very few scenes are given a chance to breathe, making it harder to form an emotional connection with what’s happening on stage. (The exception is the end of Act II when, by the unofficial law of all musicals, things get really serious.)

Overall, this production of “Godspell” is a funny, impressive production performed by a talented and game cast that ultimately leaves you a bit cold.

Oh well, hopefully I, at least, learned enough to do better on “Jeopardy!” next time.

Godspell…B

Project Runway: We've Got You Covered

Welcome to what’s probably the BIGGEST PROJECT RUNWAY RECAP we’ve ever had about this show.

The challenge last night was to create a garment for a super-secret celebrity (that the designers see almost every day) to wear on the cover of the April issue of Marie Claire magazine. Now that we’ve got that out of the way we can move on to the BIGGEST FINAL SENTENCE IN THE SECOND PARAGRAPH OF A PROJECT RUNWAY RECAP ever.

If you’re annoyed by all the hyperbole, well that’s exactly how I felt having Heidi, Tim and Co. repeatedly jam this week’s challenge down our throat after inflating it with a false sense of (self) importance.

I get that it’s a big deal for a designer to have his or her work worn by a major celeb like Heidi and displayed on the cover of a major magazine, but overselling the “hugeness” of this challenge made me much less likely to buy it. To be honest, I thought last year’s Christina Aguilera/Bob Mackie, for example, was cooler and more inspiring for the designers.

Nevertheless, the designers got to work and it really must’ve been an important challenge because everyone was all business this week. So little happened in the workroom that the producers were left with no choice but to cobble a segment together about how quiet it was. Well, it was completely quiet except for Seth Aaron annoying prancing around the workroom to show what a jackass he was. The producers didn’t even need to show that footage this week — we already know Seth Aaron is a jackass.

Despite the fact that Marie Claire editrix/guest judge Joanna Coles (Helen Mirren could play her if they ever make a “Devil Wears Prada” type movie about Marie Claire) gave the designers VERY clear guidelines about the challenge (bright colors, focus more on the tap half of the garment because that’s what will jump out in a magazine cover), an astonishing amount of designers missed the mark.

Since I don’t really want to be done picking on Seth Aaron, I have to ask — what was he thinking with that hella tight suit. In what dimension would Heidi ever wear that (unless it was required by her job)? In contrast Jay Nicolas’ flowy dress was beautiful, but most of his lovely train would never EVER be seen by magazine subscribers, so what was the point?

The top 3 was comprised of Emilio, Anthony and Ben who, not coincidentally, had the brightest garments on the runway.

Emilio made a short, tight, little red number, but the highlight was when he whipped out a pair of scissors and cut the straps (that Tim had shown reservations about) right there on the runway. Still, no one did more with color than Ben (representing Tampa!) did with his design. I can understand how his color palette may not be to everyone’s taste, but I thought it was fantastic and it was my personal favorite. More importantly, Ben finally did something notable in this season of “Project Runway.”

The win ended up going to Anthony. I wasn’t too impressed at first with his bright turquoise gown, but the judges (and I, ultimately) ended up appreciating the winning combination of color and texture. I’ll be interested to see if Anthony continues to improve and becomes a legitimate threat to win this thing, seeing as how he’s far and away this season’s best quip machine.

Not surprisingly, the bottom 3 featured the dreariest creations (color-wise) on the runway.

Mila had an especially bad week overall. At the start of the episode she’d complained about how nobody congratulated her following her top 2 performance. (I didn’t realize that was really something that required kudos.) I don’t think Mila is a bad person – it’s probably more a combination of professional jealousy (she’d been kicking ass up to that point) and the fact that she can be a little off-putting. On top of that, Mila must’ve done something to piss off an editor because we were shown comments by Jay Nicolas and Emilio trashing Mila. (Though, to be fair, Emilio trashes everyone all the time.)

To top off Mila’s hellacious week, she sent down a dress that really was the color of used Band-aids and featured arrows pointing to her model’s crotch. One of my favorite things about this season has been the consistent presence of Michael and Nina. If this had been last season (with it’s awful lack of judging continuity) Mila would’ve been in REAL trouble.

As it was the bottom two came down to Janeane (woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown) and Anne Marie (making her second straight trip to the bottom two).

It’s not so much that Janeane’s dress was ugly – it’s more that her bridal-style gown was COMPLETELY wrong for Heidi. (I mean, had she met Heidi before?!) As a result, the judges had no choice, in my opinion, than to send Anne Marie home.

Sure, she gets credit for creating separates and for somehow salvaging those tragic shorts, but her ill-conceived outfit was both totally off the mark and uninspired. I mean the shirt-vest-shorts combo seemed like something Mayim Bialik may have worn as “Blossom.” Nina described it perfectly – it was DREADFUL. (It actually kind of reminded me of something last season’s Logan would’ve designed.)

So what’d you think of this episode? Are you surprised no one designed a truly boobalicious look given Heidi’s affinity for cleavage? Finally, what did we do to make Tim stop telling the designers to use the Bluefly.com Accessory Wall “thoughtfully”?

American Idol: Hollywood Singin'

This week was the first time this year I sat down to watch “American Idol” without it feeling like homework.

Of course, that’s no coincidence given that the audition round shenanigans are (mostly) behind us, and we’re getting down to the business of finding the next potential pop superstar.

For the most part, the first two episodes of “Hollywood Week” delivered the goods (one definitely more than the other). As has become customary due to my slacker-y ways, I’m just going to give you my thoughts on what stood out in my mind during each episode. (And I promise to do proper recaps once the semifinals start.)

Enough intro’ing — let’s get to it! We’ll start with Tuesday night’s episode, in which 181 walked onstage single file, were toyed with by Ellen, and eventually whittled down to 96 singers.

- Since a lot of us have been bitching about how there hasn’t been enough good singing showcased, I’d be a hypocrite to start anywhere else.

There was some VERY promising talent on display. I LOVED Janell Wheeler’s (representing Tampa!) take on “American Boy.” I was grooving to her performance from the start and before having that wonderful moment of recognition (“Wait a minute – is this “American Boy”?) I didn’t have quite the same feeling with Andrew Garcia’s re-working of “Straight Up”, but it was still VERY impressive.

The surprise of the evening was Lily Scott who came out of nowhere (where have you been hiding her, “Idol” editors) to deliver a sturdy and sensational “Lullaby of Birdland.” I’d never heard that song before, but I liked Lily’s take on it. I also felt like Casey James is 95% more effective with his blues guitar (and with his shirt on). Finally, Crystal Bowersox seemed to have her competitors behind her during her strong take on “Natural Woman”, but all I could focus on was her brown teeth. Sorry.

- Was Simon complimenting the Kara-penned “Terrified” (after Didi Benami’s great lovely performance) the first nice thing he’s ever said to her?

- I’m not too impressed with Mary Powers. We don’t really need another Pink because the one we have now still works perfectly. On the other hand, though she’s still not blowing me away with her pipes, I wouldn’t mind if Hayley Vaughn became the next Taylor Swift. (We could use a Taylor Swift that actually sounds decent live.)

- (Big) Michael Lynche is not a great singer by any stretch of the imagination, but he’s got something. I couldn’t help but notice the way the contestants in the audience and his fellow competitors on stage were clapping along during his performance.

- I get why the judges let Justin Williams go (his “f--- me” eyes were creepy as hell), but I don’t understand why they kept Tim Urban. Maybe it’s just me, but I thought his take on David Cook’s “Come Back to Me” was horrible. (Though I may be biased since Cook is probably my all-time favorite “Idol.”)
- Finally, I suppose I have talk about Ellen.

I was pleasantly surprised by her debut as the new judge on “Idol.” I’m still not hearing a massive amount of music knowledge (because it’s not there), but her jokes were pretty funny and she was respectful of the contestants (and the show). Mostly though, it felt surprisingly good to have a new voice on the panel that actually had something (entertaining/relevant) to say. I’m more encouraged now than I was about the Ellen experiment coming into this season.

Now let’s talk about the dreaded group episode, which featured 70 percent drama, 25 percent singing, and five percent good singing.

- Honestly, what is the point of these group episodes (besides the obvious side-effect of creating drama)? I mean, the only time these people will ever perform again in groups is when they reach the top 12 and we’re all subjected to those torturous results’ night medleys. (At least that’s what I hear, since I skip the results’ show until the eliminated contestant is announced.)

- Also, how does song selection work? I realize there are certain songs “Idol” can’t get cleared, but did the contestants only have about a list of 15 songs to choose from? Basically, I’m trying to wrap my head around the idea that (at least) four separate groups got together and independently decided to sing (out of all the songs in the world) Gwen Stefani’s “Sweet Escape.” It’s a fine tune, but it’s lyrically tricky and it does nothing to show off a singer’s vocal prowess — other than that it’s a good choice.

- This year’s winner for Heavily-Hyped Contestant Coming Into Hollywood Week Who Was Let Go Without Us Hearing a Peep From Him? I’m going with David Pittman (aka Tourette’s syndrome guy!) Um, congratulations?

- Michael Lynche’s wife is the most understanding woman in the world. Not only is she ok with her guy going out for “American Idol” while she’s in labor, but she’s also apparently ok with the family sharing their newborn baby’s pictures on TV. (Delivery room audio included.) I get that she doesn’t want to hold him back from his dreams, but if my (theoretical) wife were giving birth, that’s a “gots-to-go” situation for me.

- Did we need to know Michael’s wife was “eight centimeters dilated”? (That was almost as gross as Justin Williams’ “f--- me” eyes.)

- A bit more Michael “I’m trying to help YOU out” Orland and Debra “It’s my turn to talk” Byrd in future Hollywood Week installments would NOT be a bad thing.

- Most important thing I learned from Simon — begging is not cool.

- What was up with the group names? The Dreamers, The Mighty Rangers, Destiny’s Wild (I like a good pun, but ouch!), Neapolitan and Rocky Road (one of the last two isn’t real – good luck figuring out which one without watching this episode).

- I agree that Neapolitan was PROBABLY influenced by Destiny’s Wild’s vision for “Bad Romance.” However, it would’ve been easier for me to sympathize with them if Destiny’s Wild didn’t act like they invented every musical concept. (Did you know that Acapella was their idea?!) It also would’ve been easier for me to support them if their performance hadn’t been so busted. (Tumblers aren’t acceptable on “So You Think You Can Dance”, much less “Idol”) Neapolitan was almost as bad yet both groups inexplicably made it through. Me? I would’ve cut EEEEVVVERRRYYYOOONNNEE.

- I can’t blame Mary Powers for being kind of a bitch with her group. They were a DISASTER! How the hell did Alex Lambert make it through?! He looked TERRIFIED when it was his turn to sing.

- Since the show saved the good singing for the last segment, I’ll do the same. There were only two groups that really stood out. The trio of Janell Wheeler (Tampa!) Jermaine Purifoy and Casey James singing Ne-Yo’s “Closer”, and the group that sang Alicia Keys’ “No One.”

- Did I mention that in an hour episode we were only shown two groups worth a damn?

So what’d you think of the first two episodes of Hollywood Week? Did all of your favorites make the cut? Were you surprised by someone they kept? (Hi Tim Urban.) Finally, what do you think of Ellen as a judge?

Nip/Tuck/Thoughts: Couples Therapy

When “Nip/Tuck” departs from its formula, the results have been mixed, at best.

The “Conor McNamara 2026” episode (with the cast in hideous old people makeup) is an unmitigated disaster, while the “Plastic Fantastic” episode, in which McNamara/Troy became the basis for a reality show was good for more than a few laughs (though I understand why some people hate it.)

The latest episode, “Dr. Griffin”, was yet another departure and the first completely successful deviation from the show’s MO. It also happened to be the show’s best episode in years.

It’s become clear over seven seasons that Sean and Christian have issues, so it makes sense that they’d see a therapist. The episode opened with an anonymous married couple toward the end of their session (the husband announced he was divorcing the nagging wife) before revealing that Sean and Christian would be Dr. Griffin’s next patients. (That little fakeout would’ve worked a bit better if the promos hadn’t already shown Sean and Christian in therapy.)

The best part about this episode (and the smartest move on the producers’ part) was casting the powerful actor Daniel Benzali (check out “Murder One” on DVD if you ever get the chance) as Dr. Griffin. He radiated an intelligence and an authority that made Sean and Christian seem even more like children than they already do, but it also gave the character the necessary gravitas for us to believe they’d open up in his presence.

And open up they did. Seeing them dredge up their past misdeeds was fun, but I enjoyed the little moments the most. I appreciated the exercise in which the doctors wrote down words to describe one another. (“Alcoholic” was a surprising choice to describe Sean, but if you watch recent episodes, the signs are there.) I also enjoyed the bit where each drew a family picture (Wilbur was absent from Christian, once again proving the point that the kids on this show just don’t matter.)

What’s another sign that the children on the show don’t matter - the fact that I felt absolutely nothing when Matt announced that he was moving away with his (latest) new fiancée Ramona and never wanted to see his fathers again. Actually that’s not true – my reaction was more like Christian’s. (“Whatever”, “You’ll be back.”) I hate to sound cold-hearted, but the Matt character has been little more than a spectacular screw up, and to watch him dump all his problems on his dads and not accept any responsibility sat very wrong with me. If this is the character’s last appearance on the show, good riddance!

Fortunately, the scenes with Liz joining Sean and Christian were MUCH more effective. Liz chastised the guys for being totally self-involved and constantly putting her in the middle of their fights. I appreciated that she went after both of them, when she could’ve easily focused mostly on Christian. (Let’s be honest – Christian has been much more horrible to her.) Liz also announced that she was pregnant with Sean’s baby. And, no, FX didn’t forget to air the episode where they hooked up, Sean had donated his sperm on the down low.

I found it very telling that Sean didn’t show his horror and fear over Liz’s pregnancy until after she was gone. (I also found it interesting that Christian didn’t throw Sean under the bus when Liz was talking about what a great thing the baby was for the two of them later on.) The doctors seemed to have a breakthrough of sorts when Sean finally, GLORIOUSLY, accepted that he’s to blame for whatever problems Christian has caused in his life because he’s let it happen. It took a long time, but Sean finally acted like a man (hopefully Matt will follow suit one day).

With the episode almost over, I wondered if the show could continue it’s tradition of naming its episode after characters that receive surgery from Sean and Christian. Although having the disgruntled wife from the opening come in and shoot Dr. Griffin in the face was dumb and completely counter to the minimalist tone of the episode, it allowed Sean and Christian to operate on him and keep the tradition alive.

By the end of the episode, Sean and Christian had met up with another therapist, which leads me to think (for the first time all season) that maybe these two will actually stay together when this show ends.

So what’d you think of this episode? Will we see Matt again? If Sean and Christian split up, who would Liz go with? Finally, are you as shocked as I am that one of the best episodes ever of “Nip/Tuck” had zero sex scenes? (Unless you count the tax girl from the “Previously on” montage.)