Dancing with the Stars: "Maybe It's Time To Get Out"

And all this time I thought I was watching “Dancing with the Stars” because I enjoy ballroom dancing, orchestral butchering of popular songs, the insanely hot female Pros, the bonkers yet sneakily-insightful judges panel and Tom Bergeron’s awareness of just how ridiculous this show is.

Nope. I was wrong.

Turns out Maksim Chmerkovskiy “made” this show the juggernaut it has become. Before I break down Monday night’s Broadway Week, I have to talk about Maks’ mini-meltdown. (I’m purposefully skipping all the backpedaling I’m sure he’s been doing for most of Tuesday.)

First of all, I’m neither shocked nor deeply offended by what Maks said. Why should I? The self-proclaimed “Bad Boy of the Ballroom” often comes off as an abrasive jerk to his partners in what we see of rehearsals. We also know the self-proclaimed “Sex on a Stick” has a pretty high opinion of himself.

So while I’m not at all surprised that Maks BELIEVES what he said, I am a bit surprised he actually said what he said. From watching this couple the last few weeks, I would’ve guessed that Hope was the one that wanted to go home, but instead it seems like Maks —who has never won the not-that-coveted Mirrorball Tropy — is the one who’s ready to be done with the show.

I’m actually a fan of Maks (my favorite DWTS couple is probably still Mel B and Maks), but the bottom line is that he looked like an immature fool last night. The worst part was when he chastised the judges for being too judgmental. (Actually, the worst part was how mortified Hope looked.) The crack to Len about maybe it being time to get out of the ballroom business was a low-blow too, but Len strikes me as a guy who can take as well as dish it, so that didn’t bother me as much.

While you take the appropriate time to fully appreciate the ridiculousness of that previous statement, let’s talk about last night’s couples, in order of appearance.

Rob Kardashian and Cheryl: Last week, I declared that Rob was the third best dancer on the show. I’m not ready to back off that statement yet, but I think he took a slight cha cha cha step backward with his performance of “Walk Like a Man.” The technique was still there, but he looked more like the tentative kid from earlier this season and less like the dancer who was almost Cheryl’s equal during their rumba last week. (Cheryl looked more butch than him.) If anything, it looks like that visit from his mom rattled him.

Nancy Grace and Tristan: Talk about Always Looking on the Bright Side of Life. A ‘9’ Carrie Ann? Really?! I’ve always said that Nancy’s technique was solid, but I didn’t see anything last night that was significantly better than, say, her “Flash Gordon” Paso doble. In fact, I thought the parts of the foxtrot that were in hold were pretty basic and dull. Fortunately, Nancy really came to life during the jazzier, side-by-side solo work and showed strong performance quality for the first time.

David Arquette and Kym: How was delightful Aussie Kym never cast as Sandy from “Grease” on this show before last night? Perfect casting aside, David Arquette’s quickstep proved to be a little too unstable and wobbly, even if it was perfectly delightful. It’s to the point where David seems like such a nice guy and so happy about everything having to do with the show (he’s the anti-Hope) that I end up rooting for him to be better than he actually is…and I’m slightly underwhelmed.

Ricki Lake and Derek: The inevitable Ricki vs. J.R. storyline for the finals really started to gain steam last night. (Although, last night it seemed like EVERYONE was gunning for J.R.) There’s not really much for me to add to the overall excellence of Ricki’s “Luck Be a Lady” quickstep other than to reiterate how great of a choreographer Derek is and to show gratitude than Ricki is now letting her weight-loss come up organically rather than mention it every single week.

Chaz Bono and Lacey: Coming off a season-best samba last week, it’s not a shock to see Chaz take a bit of a step back. I didn’t think his tango was as bad as most of the judges made it out to be (decent posture, solid footwork). Then again maybe I didn’t hate it because his “Phantom of the Opera” mask covered up most of the wincing that usually makes Chaz’s performances literally painful to watch.

Hope Solo and Maks (pictured, left): Since I covered Maks-gate up top, I’m going to focus on the dancing. I don’t know why the Pros don’t bring in dancers that are the same sex as their celeb partners more often because it makes a WORLD of difference to see how movements and steps are supposed to be done. It seemed to work for a while with Hope…until the troupe dancers went away. By the time she hit the dance floor, she was mostly her stiff self, which can be passable in certain dances, but NOT the rumba, which is supposed to be fluid. I wouldn’t call it her worst dance of the season (as Len did) but I still can’t imagine she’s long for this show.

Unfortunately, all this controversy overshadowed the fact that this was a rumba to “Seasons of Love” from “Rent.” (You probably have to be musical theatre geek to appreciate how ridiculous the previous sentence is.)

J.R. Martinez and Karina: J.R. closed the competition portion of the evening with a show-stopping quickstep to the closing number from “Chicago.” If there’s one clear advantage J.R. has over Ricki, I’d say it’s his musicality (the way he feels the music and translates it to his movements). That was once again on display last night. I don’t know if this was actually Karina’s most ambitious routine (as she claimed), but I WAS a little scared that J.R. would blow his cartwheel. Crisis averted and J.R. tied Ricki atop the leader board.

So what’d you think of this episode? Were you a fan of the “Big Spender” group number? (I actually LOVED the group stuff…but could’ve done without each individual couple mangling their lifts.) Was Maks ok to complain or is Len the only one allowed to complain? Finally, who do you think is going home? (I think Chaz’s time may be up.)