Glee: The 'Cool' Asian

At this point, I think a lot of us can agree that pretty much every character on “Glee” is incredibly annoying.

As far as I’m concerned, the exceptions are Brittany/Puck (who mostly speak in dim bulb one-liners, so they’re not even on-screen long enough to get annoying), Coach Beiste (with her gigantic plate of pasta) and Santana (who is awesome).

(And *POOF* Santana is back in glee club after being dramatically kicked off by Mr. Schue a grand total of TWO episodes ago. Sure! why not?)

For the most part, I can understand why the characters are annoying. Most of them are high school kids, and teenagers — with their selfishness, fickleness and immaturity — are generally horrible people.

In a shocking turn of events, two of the characters who usually get on my last nerve wound up being among the most likable people onscreen in “Asian F.”

And, no, I’m not talking about Sue (who had an odd, silent cameo last night) and Will Schuester, who solidified his position as the worst character on TV. Don’t believe me? Last night, Will went from harsh (berating Mercedes during booty camp when she clearly wasn’t feeling well) to creepy (“Here’s my big box of porn, Emma!”) to idiotically insecure (inviting Emma’s parents for dinner because he thought she was ashamed of him). At least we were introduced to the hilariously specific world of ginger supremacy.

No, I’m actually talking about Rachel Berry and Mike Chang. That’s kind of an odd pair of characters to hate, isn’t it? Well, while I LOVE Lea Michele, I’m tired of Rachel’s hyper-competitiveness and wish the writers would find something else for the character to do. As for Mike: I suppose the dude is harmless enough, but I don’t like how full of himself he is for a character that’s about as useful to a singing group as a guy with a great three point shot is to a football team.

Either way, Mike’s story stole and salvaged last night’s episode of “Glee”, which fell back on some bad habits. (Although it did fall back on at least one good habit: the wonderfully random idea that Tina is a vampire who terrorizes Principal Figgins.)

After Mike earned an “Asian F” (an A- to the rest of us), Mike’s stern dad met with Principal Figgins and tried to get Mike drug tested before zeroing in on glee club as the source of his son’s “struggles.” (Mr. Chang will definitely be voting for Sue.) Mike wanted to try out for “West Side Story”, but his dad forbade it, leading to the night’s best non-musical scene as a conflicted Mike danced alone in a studio. Eventually, he decided to follow his heart with support from his sympathetic mom, who showed up so randomly that for a second I thought she was really dead and he was talking to a ghost. (That may still be the case!) Harry Shum Jr. is obviously a great dancer, but for the first time last night he got to show that he can be a pretty effective actor.

In other, less-encouraging news we got the latest iteration of “Mercedes is Jealous That Rachel Gets All the Solos Part 4: On Stranger Tides.” After being spurred on by new boyfriend Shane (aka not-Sam), Mercedes went after the role of Maria in “West Side Story” with a newfound ferociousness. Unfortunately, she also managed to alienate all of her friends, including Rachel, who was obviously bothered by the competition but at least tried to be gracious.

It seems like every Mercedes storyline either has to do with her weight/looks or her jealousy of Rachel. This week, they needed the character to be a bitch, so voila! Amber Riley deserves better. (I guess they had to find SOME way to get people to join Shelby’s glee club.) For a while, it seemed like the show was hinting at Mercedes being pregnant (she’s got a steady boyfriend and was moody, nauseous and constantly holding her stomach, which is what woman on TV do right before it’s revealed they’re pregnant). Oh wait…never mind.

In other news, the race for class president took several turns last night with Brittany becoming the apparent front-runner and Rachel throwing her hat into the ring when it looked like she’d be missing out on the “West Side Story” lead. Even though Kurt was outwardly gracious and supportive to Blaine about Blaine playing Tony in “West Side Story”, he got a little huffy when he found out that Rachel would be opposing him for class president. (Because god forbid someone steps on poor widdle Kurt’s toes.)

Anyway, “Asian F” featured a whopping six musical numbers, so let’s jump in.

“Spotlight”…B: Amber Riley looked phenomenal and sounded good, but this number was a bit of a mixed bag. Earlier in the episode, Shane told Mercedes that when they’re watching “Dreamgirls” together, Mercedes says she’s ‘Beyonce’ but he thinks she really considers herself an “Effie” (played by Jennifer Hudson in the movie). So the way to prove that she’s an empowered “Beyonce” is…to sing a Jennifer Hudson song? Or maybe she was owning the fact that she’s “Effie.” Whatever, I’m confused.

“Run the World”…A: If it’s ok with you, I’m not really going to delve into why I’m giving this ass-shaking extravaganza a straight-A just in case my girlfriend ever reads this column.

“Cool”…A: The shocker of the night! Honestly, I didn’t have high expectations after Mike’s “singing” debut last year, but absolutely loved this. Obviously, this was heavier on dancing than singing, but at least the dancing was a funny reimagining (football players learn fast!) of some of the most iconic dancing ever. Also, Mike’s voice was improved and more than suitable for the role of Riff in “West Side Story.”

“Out Here On My Own”…C: Don’t get me wrong: both Lea Michele and Amber Riley sounded terrific (as usual) on this. The reason I’m giving it a bad grade is because of the annoying and hyperactive editing during the latest diva-off between Rachel and Mercedes. I get what they were going for, but cutting back and forth so often between both singers was incredibly distracting and didn’t do either of them any favors.

Because they blended into each other so much, I didn’t fully believe that Mercedes CLEARLY won this competition. As a result, Mercedes turning down the role just made her look like a bitch.

“It’s All Over”…D+: I was laughing my ass off at how terrible this was. (Hence the D-PLUS!) So far this season, “Glee” has been heavy on Broadway numbers and I get that this “Dreamgirls” number was trying to equate glee club’s frustration with Mercdes to the Dreamgirls’ frustration with Effie.

But not only did this re-inforce the idea that Mercedes is, in fact, “Effie” (not Beyonce), but the stilted way they recreated the scene from the movie was unintentionally hilarious. (As was the fact that everyone referred to Mercedes as “Effie”, while she called everyone else by their actual names…probably because it’s hard to substitute Mercedes into a lyric.) At least the costumes were cool.

“Fix You”…C+: F--- you, “Glee” for giving one of my favorite songs to a character I absolutely loathe, and using it as a soundtrack to his miserable, creepy relationship. Oh well…at least Matthew Morrison sounded good, and it was a solid way to end the episode.

So what’d you think of this episode? What should Shelby’s glee club be called? (“Brown/Sugar”? “Newer Directions”?) Finally, does McKinley High even have a dress code? (Judging from Brittany’s musical number, the answer is, “Thank goodness, no.”)