Random Thought of the Moment: Why, ABC? Why?! Edition

I love "Scrubs."

I have every episode on DVD. I’ve seen every episode multiple times. I have the "Scrubs"-related private jokes with my girlfriend, brother and friends. I even have the "Scrubs"-related private jokes that are too insider-y for even my girlfriend (who was the one that turned me on to the show in the first place).

So why am I totally bummed that the show just got renewed for a ninth season?

Let me count the ways.

1. The show peaked sometime in season four and has been on a steady decline in quality ever since. This is a fact. Of course, another fact is that "Scrubs" is still pretty funny, but it’s simply nowhere near as consistently brilliant as it was. I’ll admit that I’m selfish and that it’s painful for ME to watch a show that’s a shadow of its former self.

2. Then again what show IS brilliant after nine seasons? This is especially true of comedies, where jokes and punchlines are more likely to be recycled. At some point, you just run out of ideas and stories to tell. When a show does a musical episode, that’s a clue that it’s running out of ideas - "Scrubs" did its musical episode TWO years ago. Need more proof? The show dedicated a winking episode ("My Déjà vu, My Déjà vu") about how it’s resorted to recycling jokes. This episode aired THREE years ago.

3. Apparently, Zach Braff and Sarah Chalke (pictured, left with creator Bill Lawrence) agreed to shoot six "transitional episodes" and Judy Reyes "may only return as a special guest star" for the new iteration of "Scrubs." Only Donald Faison (Turk), John C. McGinley (Dr. Cox) and Neil Flynn (The Janitor) have been confirmed to return full-time. "Scrubs" is NOT "Law & Order." The reason we watch the show is because we love the characters and the ways they relate to each other (You’re going to give us Turk, but no Carla?!). J.D. is the freakin’ narrator of the show! After eight years, you’re going to ask us to commit to an entirely new group of people and still call it "Scrubs"? That’s a dealbreaker!

4. More than anything, this is messing up a(n almost) perfect script. The show had a writers’ strike-shortened seventh season, only to be saved by ABC at the 11th hour and given a creatively resurgent eighth farewell season, capped off by a beautiful, "Big Fish-esque" sendoff to the show’s main character and to the show itself. It just FELT like the end because it WAS the end.

Only it’s not.

If ABC wants to bring back some of the creative team and center the show around the new interns introduced this past season (which is apparently the plan) that’s fine - just DON’T call it "Scrubs." "Scrubs" ended perfectly a few weeks ago.

Only, apparently, it didn’t.

Random Thought of the Moment: Celebrity Apprentice Rant Edition

I’ve been watching the Celebrity Apprentice 2 since its premiere and I’ve been enjoying it so much that I actually kicked myself for not doing a weekly recap.

I wouldn’t even classify it as a “guilty pleasure.” I watch it with my girlfriend; I talk about it with my mom and with my co-worker. The show’s been a “pleasure-pleasure.” (I thought that would make more sense than “innocent-pleasure” but I was wrong.)

At least that was the case until I got around to watching the latest episode on Hulu. Worst. Boardroom. EVER.

In case you missed it here’s a quick recap. The teams were charged with creating a viral video to promote All’s Small and Mighty detergent, but the main problem was only a handful of people involved seemed to know what a viral video was. One of the people who had NO clue was Kotu leader Clint Black, who made a short, unfunny, pornographic commercial and starred in it (talk about an ego-trip) despite the repeated protestations from Joan Rivers. He then proceeded to shut everyone out of the creative process. The other team created a bizarre, but funny ad starring the awesome Jesse James that sailed right over the heads of and offend both All executives (they were two more of the people who didn’t appear to know what a viral video was) despite the fact that Team Athena repeatedly asked them if their proposed material offended them earlier in the episode.

The All executives named neither team as the winner (despite an endorsement for Athena from Perez Hilton), but that was only the tip of the outrage iceberg.

I’m going to go ahead and stop talking about the week’s task because what happened next had NOTHING to do with what we spent two hours (actually 1 hour 24 minutes on Hulu) watching.

Trump called both teams back to the boardroom and fired Tionne “T-Boz” Watkins of Athena for volunteering to be put on the chopping block. That would’ve been all well and good (if not still frustratingly arbitrary) if Trump hadn’t brought up a past Apprentice contestant named Bradford that nobody besides TV nerds like me remember. Assuming that T-Boz has been glued to “The Apprentice” for the past six years and should’ve known not to emulate a past contestant’s foolishness is more than a bit presumptuous on Trump’s part, no?

That wasn’t even the worst part. Trump then moved on to Kotu, never EVER mentioned the task (and Clint’s piss poor performance) and fired Khloe Kardashian (pictured, left) because her past DUI personally offended him. For the record, I don’t buy for a fact that Trump didn’t have any idea about Khloe’s crime (which she’s still paying for). Even if he didn’t know, what the HELL does that have to do with what happened on the show this week? Apparently Trump can look the other way when one of his “properties” gets mixed up with drugs, but DUI (which is undoubtedly a HORRIBLE thing) is over the line for him.

I’m not going to pretend like I’m done with “Celebrity Apprentice.” I just enjoy watching the game, which is why Trump’s obvious ploy to keep the Clint Black/Joan Rivers drama alive (the REAL reason for the Khloe firing) is completely unnecessary and maddening.

I guess I should congratulate Trump for something never thought possible. He’s made people rally around and support a Kardashian.

Random Thought of the Moment: Really, American Idol?! Edition

I hope Seth Myers doesn't sue, but REALLY, American Idol?! Tatiana del Toro deserves a spot in the semifinals over Ju'not Joyner and others?

I mean, I'm not going to claim to boycott the show (since we both know I'll keep watching) but really, "Idol"?! You hereby lose the right to ever say this is a "singing competition" again. (The expression on my face on seeing the news is kinda like the one on Tatiana's in that picture.)

Random Thought of the Moment: Sure-To-Be-Unpopular Opinion Edition

Nobody likes Kate Winslet more than I do. Well maybe her husband, kids and a few other people do, but not many.

However, I was surprised by how completely turned off I was during both of her Golden Globe acceptance speeches last night. I get that she’d been obscenely overdue for a Golden Globe and remains obscenely overdue for an Oscar, and I’ve always hoped the latter situation resolves itself within the next two months.

Still, a potential Winslet victory might be a little less special if she turns into the blubbering, over long indulgent mess she was last night. I know I’m sounding like a bit (ok, a LOT) of a Frosty the Snowman here, but get a hold of yourself woman! It’s not even the Oscar! Also, you’re the best actress in your generation — you really had NO idea you could win?

Also, if you’re going to be emotional, at least pull it together long enough to sneak in something significant like Halle Berry did during her hysterical Oscar speech (too bad that win looks more like a jinx every passing year). I WILL say her forgotting Angelina Jolie's name was totally unintentional and pretty funny.

I understand that I can’t dictate how any person should act upon winning an award that’s very important to them. I have no idea how I’d react! I guess, for some reason, I expected better out of Kate Winslet. Hell, I even enjoyed Colin Farrell’s rambling speech more than Winslet’s words, which singlehandedly made the show go over time.

The second order of business is “30 Rock.” I know my girlfriend Erica’s gonna kill me for the Winslet bash, but she’ll have my back in this one — I hate to sound like one of the haters Tina Fey told to suck it, but does “30 Rock” really need to win EVERYthing? Yes, it’s a very funny and witty show, but is it THAT much better than all the other comedies on TV that the other shows don’t stand a chance.

Full disclosure: I’m an “Office” freak who thinks the people at Dunder Mifflin put on the best show on TV. However, I think “Weeds” had a remarkably strong season. Also, “Ugly Betty” and “Desperate Housewives” have impressively sustained their creativity to merit consideration.

I’m not saying any of those shows is DEFINITELY better than “30 Rock” (actually, I AM saying that “The Office” is better), I just wish TV critics would get over their obvious crushes on Tina Fey and Co. We get it critics — you like the show because it’s about TV and about a world you’re intimately familiar with. However, I WON’T go as far as to say that the “30 Rock isn’t clever”, which may or may not have been something Erica said.

Do I have a point with either of these two gripes or (as I suspect) am I totally nuts?

Random Thought of the Moment: Control Your Own Destiny Edition

It's late December and that means two things:

(Actually, it means a lot of things, but for the purpose of this blog posting, it means two things, ok?)

1.) The holidays — whichever one(s) you celebrate — are upon us and 2.) the NFL season is coming to a close.

Fortunately, with the help of increasingly unimaginative and cliché-loving NFL announcers you can combine these two facts into a fun and potentially-dangerous drinking game.

See, with the final week of the NFL season upon us and a few playoff spots still up for grabs, more than a few teams (Miami, Dallas) "control their own destiny." There's an even greater number of teams (Tampa Bay, New England, N.Y. Jets, Philadelphia, Chicago) who don't "control their own destiny." I know this because (I swear I'm not exaggerating) Boomer Esiason (pictured, far right with the rest of the CBS studio team) used the phrase "control their own destiny" 15 times in one minute during this past Sunday's Subway postgame show. Even my girlfriend Erica got annoyed to the point that she was ready to throw something at our TV.

So whether you're depressed around this time of year or you just want to get a good buzz going, turn to ESPN, Fox Sports or your preferred sports network and take a shot of eggnog (or your preferred adult beverage) every time an announcer talks about a team "controlling their own destiny."

(Then again, I don't want any of my readers to spend this week in the hospital due to alcohol poisoning, so maybe you should just ignore this post. Don't drink and drive — control your own destiny.)

Random Thought of the Moment: Aficionado Edition

As a huge fan of the completely random, I thought I'd write a few words about a trend I've noticed lately. Of course, by "lately", I mean the last week and by "trend", I mean something that happened twice.

I was delighted when actress/comedienne Sandra Bernhard was a guest judge on "Project Runway" this week and was given the title "New York nightlife aficionado." (I mean, is "fan of the New York City nightlife" something you'd actually put on a resume?)

I figured that would be my favorite dubious title of the week until last night, when I was watching HGTV's Summer Showdown, and one of the guest judges was "Little Man" auteur and, yep, "design aficionado" Keenan Ivory Wayans. I mean, who knew that, in between directing terrible movies starring his brothers, Wayans had such an affinity for "design." Former Daily Show correspondent Beth Littleford was a guest judge along with Wayans, but I guess her love of "design" isn't strong enough for her to be labeled an "aficionado."

So what's your favorite dubious title? I'm still a fan of "Charity and campaign worker Heather Mills on "Dancing with the Stars" (I guess, "Golddigger" or "amputee" would've been too direct) Finally, what are YOU an aficionado of? (All I know is that if anyone ever holds a "Carrot cake baking" competition, I'm there as the token "carrot cake aficionado.")

Random Thought of the Moment: Crowded Movie Theatre Edition

So Erica and I went to the movies this past weekend to see "Hancock" (though not dressed like THAT) and we got there while the coming attractions were still playing.

She stopped off to use the restroom and I went into the theatre to grab a couple of seats from us. Of course, this being a the 4th of July weekend (and "Hancock" being a Will Smith movie) the theatre was pretty packed, which was to be expected, especially since we showed up semi-late.

Still, the theatre wasn't COMPLETELY packed and what I saw was infinitely more infuriating. (Start of rant) What I saw was scattered, empty single seats available throughout the entire theatre. You know how it is because we've all done it — you're at the movies with your date or friends, and you see another group of people seated in your row, but instead of sitting directly next to them, you leave one seat open.

Here's my random thought of the moment: move the f--- over! I mean, why are we really leaving that seat open? Are we that afraid of human contact? Unless the person next to you has a serious case of body odor, there's no reason you can't sit next to them. And if you don't want to sit directly next to someone, at least leave TWO empty seats of space so that a couple who shows up a little later can sit together. I mean, what is the point of leaving ONE open seat? You're taking away a seat in a crowded theatre, and if someone DOES sit in that empty seat you've left, there's a good chance it's going to be some creepy loner.

Now you can say to me, "Buck you, fuddy — why don't you just show up earlier?" and you'd have a fair point (Ok, that would probably be the first time ANYBODY said "buck you, fuddy.") I would say to you that, if there are more than enough empty seats available in a theatre, there's no reason we can't all enjoy the movie comfortably.

Just remember: next time, it could be YOU that has to sit in the third row for a movie in which the director favors woozy camera angles and tight closeups (thanks Peter Berg!)

(End of rant.)

Random Thought of the Moment: NBA Finals Edition

Sometimes it's just nice to be reminded that real life can be like the movies and the good guys (Kevin Garnett, pictured, right) can win and the bad guys can lose (there is WAY too much stuff I could link to that shows Kobe's a bad guy, so I'll let you take a trip to Google and do your own search — seriously, it's fascinating).

That is all.

Random Thought of the Moment: Crappy ABC Game Show Edition

So, I'm sitting here watching Game 3 of the NBA Finals, and I'm shocked to find out...ABC's "Wipeout" and "I Survived A Japanese Game Show" are actually two different shows!

I've been seeing commercials for this junk throughout the Finals, but I just assumed that the same channel wouldn't roll out, not one, but two, stupid-looking game shows with people eating it in a wide variety of ways. I honestly thought it was the same show. Nice job, ABC. It's not like you could be showing reruns of "Dirty Sexy Money" or "Pushing Daisies,two shows that I missed during the fall and could get into during the summer.

Also, if I want to see people eating it in a wide variety of ways on a game show, I'll tune into G4's "Unbeatable Banzuke" or "Ninja Warrior", thank you very much. That is all.

Random Thought of the Moment: AT&T Commercial Edition

You've seen the commercials.

Personally, I think they're pretty funny and effective. Especially the "dillweed" spot set in a bar (Erica and I can be found randomly shouting "the ace of spades!" at each other).

Anyway, this thought occurred to me about a month ago — do you think it would be cheaper to find and hire twins for these commercials or to use special effects (which I'm pretty sure is happening here)?

(Yes, these are the sort of things that cross my mind. Stay tune for more inconsequential queries like these with the summer season here, and most of the shows I write about gone.)

It seems to me it'd be cheaper to hire twins, but then again what do I know?