America's Next Top Recap: Counting Sheep

A change of scenery really CAN work wonders.

I don’t think it was a coincidence that we got what was probably the best episode - or maybe it was simply the least infuriating - of the year after the models packed their bags and headed to New Zealand (which, coincidentally, is NOT just above Canada, Ms. Jessica.)

In case we’d forgotten, Angelea was more than happy to constantly remind us that she and Krista would be flying first class (which was tough talk given that Krista was the one who’d actually earned the reward.) Sure, first class looked hella comfortable, but Angelea crowing about not having jet lag because she flew first class is only slightly less embarrassing than Jessica’s geographical skills. (Ok, you’re right – Jessica’s gaffe is still much worse.)

Once they landed, the models were “treated” to a Maori dance that proved to be utterly pointless before Ms. J announced that they’d be going on their go-sees.

Turns out every model had the same genius strategy to work their way backwards, which actually resulted in several hilarious moments, including Raina dashing past Alexandra’s first appointment. (Alexandra IS a plus-size model, so I suppose she was at a speed disadvantage.)

Unfortunately for Raina and Alexandra, they appeared to bomb most of their go-sees (Raina, in particular, looked shockingly not-good in those bikinis). Unfortunately for me, Angelea kicked ass. I suppose there aren’t that many drag queen-lite she beasts in New Zealand because all the designers seemed to be in awe of her and she booked 6 out of 6 jobs. Seriously though, that was the best performance during the go-see challenge that I’ve ever seen, and I even would’ve laughed at her cocky “booked” following every visit if I didn’t hate her so damn much.

Now with the go-see challenge, you expect some of the girls to be back late and get disqualified, but I didn’t expect half of the six girls to be tardy. Raina and Krista (who was the only one who could really challenge Angelea) were a bit late. Alasia – who we know has punctuality issues – was monumentally late, showing up 45 minutes after the deadline. Angelea won and got to keep some of the designs from her go-sees (much to the eventual dismay of Andre Leon Talley during panel).

Before the photo shoot, the women awoke to an amazing rainbow outside their fabulous new living quarters. It was so unbelievably beautiful that I would’ve assumed it was a special effect – if the CW could afford special effects.

I LOVED the idea of the weekly challenge, which had all the girls modeling the same billowy black dress. That idea is the cousin of my girlfriend Erica’s suggestion to have all the contestants on “American Idol” sing the same song one week. On this show, it somewhat leveled the playing field and it demonstrated what some of these girls were made of.

Oh, and did I mention that the models would be posing with a sheep named Prince and that they’d be photographed by Nigel Barker (who did an excellent job with the composition of the shots)? Ok, well I just did.

The best photo of the bunch unquestionably belonged to Krista (pictured, left) for the second week in a row. At first glance, it looked like she was suspended in the air. At the very least she looks like the epicenter of a sexy tornado. (Maybe she could be a mate for the Smoke Monster on “Lost.”) Bonus points for overcoming her initial fear of Prince. Raina had another strong showing with her storybook-esque photo, and Alexandra bounced back nicely by fully engaging with Prince.

Angelea struggled on set AND in the judges’ panel. On set, she seemed to have a mental block that wouldn’t allow her to stop messing with her own dress, which resulted in an underwhelming shoot. In panel, her negative critique from Tyra seemed to send Angelea over the edge, resulting in a bizarre impersonation of someone in a club pretending to say hi to a bunch of people. Don’t worry - it was even more confusing than it sounds. Now, I’m not a doctor (I only play one when I watch TV), but methinks that Angelea – who goes from cocky to angry to completely defected in a flash – may be a bit bipolar.

Still, Angelea had built up enough good will to avoid the bottom 2. That was reserved for Jessica (who fell on her ass on set, and forgot her face in the photo) and Alasia (who looked completely blah and disinterested in the photo). Couple that with her dismal performance in the go-sees and it was Alasia’s time to go. I can’t disagree with the decision, and it’s only a shame in that Alasia had gotten to be noticeably less annoying the past two weeks. (She’d finally stopped screaming.) Oh well.

So what’d you think of this episode? Is Krista peaking a bit too early? Is Alexandra coming on too late? Finally, what the hell WAS Angelea doing with that “girl at the club” nonsense at panel?

American Idol: Shania Twain to the Rescue

I could feel — and almost HEAR — the country’s collective eye-roll (or maybe that was just me) when it was announced that this would be Shania Twain Week on “American Idol.”

We all liked Shania (and her shiny hair) just fine when she was a guest judge during the audition rounds, but after what has seemed like a particularly uninspired run of themes this season, we now had to deal with the “dreaded Country Week.” And not just country music — people either love it or they say things like, “I listen to everything but country” — but, specifically, the music of Shania Twain whose catalog, despite its phenomenal success, undoubtedly inspires its own eye-rolls.

The only upside I could see coming into Tuesday night’s performance, is that I’d have no trouble coming up with a headline for this recap. (“Twain Wreck”, “That Didn’t Impress Me Much”, etc.)

What I’m taking a REALLY long time to say is that I was pretty shocked by the fact that Shania Twain Week produced the best episode of the year for “American Idol.” (The fact that a lot of the season’s fat has been trimmed by now probably has something to do with it too, but I feel like giving Shania Twain — and her cargo pants/white blazer combo during the mentoring sessions — all the credit.)

In fact, this episode was so well-rounded that the season’s two prohibitive favorites probably gave the two least well-received performances.

Ok, so Lee DeWyze’s take on “You’re Still the One” was actually pretty well-received by the judges —it was mostly me that didn’t care for it. I agree with Simon, in theory, that the sweet and sensitive song was probably the best, most interesting match for Lee’s gruff tone. However, I just didn’t like the performance in practice, with Lee’s constipated (and often off-key) vocals clashing with the lovey-dovey lyrics. (Then again, I’m a well-documented hater of the Nickelback/Hinder School of Strained Singing.)

And not to go all “Idol” judge-y on you, but I think we can all agree that this wasn’t Crystal’s best performance. With that out of the way, I think the panel could’ve also mixed in some positive feedback after Crystal’s cover of “No One Needs to Know.” For example, I liked the fact that Crystal was the only contestant who really embraced the evening’s country theme (in all fairness, Randy actually pointed that out). I also appreciated her effortless command of staging and performance. In a season where too many contestants plant themselves on the edge of the stage or a stool with a guitar or wander aimlessly around and behind the judges (more on Siobhan later), I enjoyed the thought Crystal put into her scruffy little four-person band.

All that being said, Crystal should probably keep quiet during the judges’ critiques next week. It’s almost impossible to come off well by back-talking them, no matter how dopey they are. I understand her annoyance, but why not let the audience figure out that “bigger isn’t always better” for themselves?


With the favorites floundering, most of the competitors stepped their games up.

Casey James went back into “Jealous Guy” mode (hair down, seated close to the audience, rhythm guitar in hand) and probably delivered his best performance of the season with “Don’t.” I was also encouraged to hear that he went back and watched all his previous performances (it couldn’t have taken long, since they were basically the same thing) which led to his epiphany to switch things up a bit. A little self-awareness never hurt anyone.

Although the judges absolutely flipped for Aaron’s performance of “You’ve Got A Way,” I thought it was quite sleepy in the beginning before his strong finish. What’s not up for debate is the fact that (for better or worse) THIS is the kind of song and music he’ll be doing post-“Idol” (assuming he gets a record deal). In short, he SHOULD have been good — and he was. I also think dedicating the song to his mom probably earned him some votes and will keep him out of the bottom 3.

Michael Lynche’s rendition of “It Only Hurts When I’m Breathing” was absolutely lovely and he’s (thankfully) toned down the on-stage antics in recent weeks. I’m just not sure that Ellen’s Luther Vandross comparison (which was kind of spot-on) was a compliment for anyone wanting to make a relevant record in 2010.

Finally, there’s Siobhan, who closed out the show with an almost-rollicking rendition of “Any Man of Mine.” Once again, I wanted to like Siobhan more than I actually did. I turns out that my favorite thing about her performance was the fact that she actually picked an upbeat song for the “Idol” stage. (Isn’t Shania supposed to be a really dynamic live performer?)

Unfortunately, I wasn’t as big a fan of her semi-lethargic journey from the front of the stage, to the sway pit, to the runway behind the judges and back. I realize no one wants to wipe out while they’re singing live, but Siobhan’s tentative trip stood in contrast to the song’s lyrics and her characteristically-fierce vocals. As for that final yell — the first part of it was a bit painful, but I actually liked the falsetto and growl she threw in at the very end. I just wish the judges (other than Simon) had a bit more time to critique her beyond “that was good/fun.”

(Then again, my DVD’d episode of “Glee” got cut off for the second straight week, so maybe we didn’t need to hear more from the judges after all.
So what’d you think of this episode? Is Aaron Kelly “making love” to anyone? (Oh, Kara.) Will Crystal’s boyfriend ever put a ring on it? Finally, who do you think will go home? (I’ve got Casey, Siobhan and Michael in the bottom 3, with Big Mike going home.)

24: Give Peace a Chance

Jack vs. Chloe — it’s the showdown no one wanted to see.

Well, it’s the showdown longtime fans like me — who’ve watched Jack and Chloe work together like best friends, brother/sister, master/obedient puppy over the years — never wanted to see.

To be perfectly honest, not a whole hell of a lot happened in the newest episode of “24” — Jack remains on the run, but has a +1 now; President Taylor is still losing her damn mind — but the inherent drama of watching Jack and Chloe go head-to-head was enough to keep this episode from being a complete dud for a “24” obsessive like me.

Of course, it would’ve been even more dramatic if Chloe had actually been allowed to out-smart her idol.

Remember that exciting helicopter chase we seemed to have on our hands after the end of the previous episode? Well, that got resolved pretty quickly when Jack spotted a helipad and managed to avoid a gaggle of Air Force personnel and other law enforcement. (So much for that whole thing.)

Jack called Chloe and asked her if she could help him get in a room with Dana Walsh so he could extract the information he needed about the Russian involvement in Hassan and Renee’s deaths. Chloe hesitated, but ultimately agreed to help. Jack found a more willing ally in the shadowy and semi-burned Jim Ricker, played by the incomparable Michael Madsen (“Reservoir Dogs”, “Kill Bill”). Ricker hooked Jack up with an impressive arsenal, but I’m more interested in learning a bit more about the relationship between these two men. (Ricker seemed to have, at least, some affection for Jack.)

Chloe displayed a few smooth moves of her own. When the smarmy leader — you can tell D.B. Sweeney of “The Cutting Edge” was smarmy because of his mustache — of the private security firm Logan recommended to President Taylor arrived to transport Dana, Chloe coolly got the guy to hand over his cell phone so she could figure out where they were taking her.

Sometime after that, Chloe had a change of heart, decided to obey the president’s orders and set a trap for Jack. Cole and a team of CTU flunkies were supposed to get the jump on Jack in a CTU safe house, but, unsurprisingly, Jack turned the tables. (Because, once again, in addition to being awesome, he’s also a genius.) Jack enlisted Cole to help him find Dana.

Jack claimed that he knew about the set-up all along because he knew Chloe and that she’d do the right thing. So basically, Jack was playing her the whole time. That kind of takes the wind out of the Chloe-is-a-worthy-adversary-for-Jack sails. The reason Chloe had a change of heart is because she believes Jack is wrong because he’s not thinking clearly. Once again, we in the audience know Jack is actually right about President Taylor shielding the truth about the Russians. I think it’d be more interesting if Jack weren’t quite as infallible these days and if there WERE a chance that he wasn’t thinking clearly and was simply out for blood.

If you think Jack’s angry now, can you imagine how pissed off he’d be if he saw how expertly Logan was playing President Taylor.

Near the top of the hour, Ethan had convinced her to cut her losses and reveal what she knew about the Russians’ involvement in Hassan’s death and effectively kill her beloved peace agreement. Logan – that little devil on her shoulder – got back in the President’s ear and convinced her that sacrifice and making devastating decisions was all part of the job. He also implored her to preserve the peace agreement for “the greater good.”

(President Taylor’s obsession with “the greater good” is as misguided here as it was for the citizens of Sanford in “Hot Fuzz.”)

Logan eventually convinced President Taylor to use a private security team to get Dana Walsh out of CTU (and out of Jack Bauer’s reach) and persuasively extract the information she has on the Russians.

Sigh. I’m just going to give President Taylor the benefit of the doubt and believe that she has literally lost her mind over the course of the last few hours. None of this makes sense. President Taylor seems capable of recognizing that these are all horrible ideas, and yet she goes along with them. (Gregory Itzin is a very good actor, but he’s not THAT good.) Logan brought up the point that many peace agreements have blood on them, but having President Taylor sign agreement with a group of people she KNOWS are responsible for a political assassination is still beyond ludicrous.

Thank goodness for Itzin and Bob Gunton, who was absolutely excellent as the crestfallen Ethan. Gunton was great, conveying a mixture of defiance, empathy and disappointment in President Taylor’s decisions. The scene where Ethan went head-to-head with Logan was also quietly thrilling. By the end of the episode, Ethan had submitted his resignation, but I really hope this isn’t the last we’ve seen of Gunton.

We ended the hour with Dalia Hassan about to announce that she’s (unknowingly) entering into a peace agreement with the people who helped kill her husband. We also had Dana Walsh about to be tortured.

Hey, maybe this episode wasn’t so bad after all.

So what’d you think of this episode? What was up with Dana begging Chloe not to let the guys from the private firm take her away? (Was Chloe – and were we – supposed to feel SORRY for her?) Finally, will Cole really just stand by and allow Jack to lay the smackdown on Dana? (I just have a feeling he’s going to step in and do something dumb.)

Dancing with the Stars: Niecy Want Cookie

“Dancing with the Stars” was particularly enjoyable for me last night. (And I swear that’s not a veiled Kate Gosselin slam. Well, not completely.)

The two main dances Monday night — the samba and the Argentine tango — are among the sexiest, most dynamic and (in the case of the tango) liftiest featured on this show. (Although I didn’t get to yell out “samba roll!” as often as I like to.)

On top of that, the evening was capped off by a Swing Dance Marathon competition. I’ve actually competed in a few of those things in my life, and I’ve even managed to come in second place a few times. (I should’ve won…it was political…I was robbed, I tell ya!)

Enough about me (ha! There can NEVER be enough me), let’s break down the couples, in order of appearance.

Jake Pavelka and Chelsie: I’m a fan of Jake’s enthusiasm — even if it continues to get the best of him and causes him to trip at least once in all his performances, as he did near the judges’ stoop last night — but I’m just not buying him as any sort of serious threat to the top 2 (Nicole and Evan). I don’t care what the judges’ leader board says or how hard the judges try to sell us on the idea that Jake is on their level. Still, the guy IS fun to watch, even if you’re only watching to see when he will make his inevitable stumble.

Evan Lysacek and Anna: I was pretty cold to Evan’s dancing early on, but now I’m enjoying him more every single week. Sure, the judges were absolutely right to point out that his balletic samba was completely wrong for that style of dance, but I definitely enjoyed it while it was happening. The judges made a good point, but they were WAY too harsh during their critiques and saddling him with straight 7s (the same score as Jake) was ridonkulous. You’d think THEY were the ones who’d been dropped on their head during rehearsal. (That fall looked nasty — Evan’s lucky he didn’t hurt his neck too.) The silver lining is that Evan was treated by Dr. Axel (I assume Dr. Lutz was out of the office) who informed him he had a mild concussion.

Niecy Nash and Louis (pictured, right): No, Niecy — no one had ever done a funny Argentine tango. And while the judges may have been mixed on the comedic aspect of their performance, I actually welcomed the reprieve from the standard, sexy tango we always get. It WAS unnecessary, but it was also pretty funny. Niecy’s footwork was improved from last week, but still a wee bit lethargic and lacking bite. In a related story, did you know that Niecy likes to eat?

Erin Andrews and Maks: Somehow, Erin is able to leave her over-analytic ways in the rehearsal room and deliver strong performances on the dance floor. (Although when Maks doesn’t show up to a live show soon, we’ll now know he checked himself into a mental institution.) I thought Erin’s samba was light years ahead of her week 1 Cha cha cha, in terms of fluidity and strength during a Latin number. I also think Maks ripping off his shirt (after Erin ripped off his sleeves) probably scored them a few thousand votes.


Nicole Scherzinger and Derek: The show really needs to stop trying to convince us that Nicole seriously struggles during rehearsal. As she prepared for her salsa, I mean samba this week, she whined about camera angles. I can appreciate that the producers have to show SOMETHING for their rehearsal packages, but pretending like Nicole is struggling in any way is more annoying than how freakin’ good she is. Her vigorous samba had a LOT of shakin’ and bakin’ in it, so I can understand why Len downgraded them the way he did. Carrie Ann also offered helpful advice about Nicole watching her facial expressions. (WTF, Nicole!)

Chad Ochocinco and Cheryl: This was CLEARLY Chad’s best performance to date. (Maybe that Bengals fan in Cincinnati was onto something when he said the judges had been overlooking his boy). I felt that, though their Argentine tango DEFINITELY highlighted Cheryl, it gave Chad just the right amount of dancing to do (and he did it well). Hopefully, this will serve as a bridge to an even better performance next week in which he actually dances more. (In the past, he’s severely regressed after a breakthrough.) I also agree that Chad definitely “grew” last night during his Argentine tango. (Ick.)

Pamela Anderson and Damian: I don’t know if it’s because she was (unjustly) in the bottom 2 last week (and the lady loves to be on top!), but she’s coming off as someone who’s stuck in a rut. Once again (as Bruno pointed out), she nailed her character and had several very strong individual moments. Unfortunately, she also had just enough missteps and messy bits to keep her from seriously challenging for the Mirrorball Trophy. She’s basically a more polished Jake Pavelka.

Swing marathon: Did Chad go overboard by making that food joke about Niecy during his strategy session? Personally, I think Niecy has opened that door herself – I actually think the Erin/tree comment was harsher, only because Erin will undoubtedly now obsess about her branch-like appendages from here on out.

As for the competition itself — it was obviously hard to keep track of everything, but here’s what I saw and enjoyed. I like Tom’s golf-announcer voice during these things (“Erin is upside down now.”) I saw Chad doing 92% (messy) aerials and 7% dancing (and 1% unnecessarily ripping off his shirt to spite Maks.) Chad lasted WAY longer than he should have. I didn’t see Jake and Chelsie at all (they were the first ones out). I also saw Pamela last WAY longer than she should have because her aerials were messy and she was clearly out of gas (she’d just danced minutes earlier.) Finally, I saw Derek and Nicole take the competition by doing the spread eagle 69, marking the second consecutive year that Derek has put his partner’s head in the vicinity of his crotch during a group dance competition. Congratulations, Derek!

So what’d you think of this episode? What are voltas and bota fogas? (I know a bit about dance, but I have no idea — Len realizes that it’s not exactly 22 million dance instructors who are watching this show, right? Finally, who do you think will go home tonight? (I think it’ll be between Niecy and Pamela, with Niecy going home.)

The Losers Review

After being betrayed, members of an elite black ops unit blow up a bunch of stuff and make a lot of jokes as they seek to clear their names and look for some payback.

Yes, I realize the big-screen adaptation of “The A-Team” doesn’t come out for a few more months — I’m actually talking about “The Losers.”

I can understand the confusion. “The A-Team” movie is directed by Joe Carnahan (“Smokin’ Aces”), and “The Losers” — based on a comic book series of the same name — pretty much looks like the best Joe Carnahan movie he never actually bothered to make.

I promise I don’t mean that as an insult. If “The A-Team” aspires to be the highest form of mindless summer action movie, then “The Losers” comes off like its less-ambitious, but no less entertaining younger brother (which doesn’t quite have the name brand or star power to open in the summer months). It’s basically a B-grade “A-Team.”

Enough about “The A-Team”, let’s talk about the flick at hand.

“The Losers” stars Jeffrey Dean Morgan (“Watchmen”) as Clay, the leader of a ridiculously skilled five-man squad who call themselves the Losers. After surviving an attempt on their life in South America, the Losers are approached by the shadowy Aisha (Zoe Saldana, “Avatar”) who offers them the chance to return to the United States and get revenge on the mysterious man (a wonderfully eccentric Jason Patric) who tried to have them killed.

Director Sylvain White - working with a relatively modest $25 million budget - does some really impressive stuff with his action sequences. Although White can’t keep from revisiting some of the action-movie clichés he probably thinks he’s spoofing (over-the-top explosions; having the characters fly through the air or walk toward the camera in slow motion), the energy and joy behind some of the set pieces make up for whatever lack of originality. I particularly enjoyed the sequence where Chris Evans’ Jensen has to sneak into a heavily guarded building. The movie’s climactic showdown is also a showstopper.

Another reason the movie works is because the main cast members actually make you believe they’re friends. Morgan – who has done strong work on TV for years, and gave a star-making performance in “Watchmen” – gives an appealingly crumpled yet authoritative performance as Clay. Thinking back on it, he doesn’t end up doing or saying as much you’d expect from the lead in an action movie, but he still commands the rest of the cast convincingly.

He has decent support from Idris Elba (who is still looking for a role as worthy of his talents as Stringer Bell was in “The Wire”), Columbus Short, as the put-upon family man of the group, and Evans, as the designated comic relief. I expected Jensen’s shtick to get irritating really quickly, but Evans’ charm ended up winning the day. Oscar Jaenada didn’t have much to do other than shoot his sniper rifle and tip his hat.

Zoe Saldana was convincing in her tough chick role – she’s one of a handful of Hollywood actresses in her 20’s today who can believably hold her own in a testosterone-fuled action movie like this one – but her shady character (maybe by design) left me hollow.

Finally, there’s Patric - taking a small taste of the scenery, putting a little hot sauce on it, and then taking a gigantic bite – as bad guy Max. I realize some people will hate his oddball performance, but I loved it. As I mentioned before, he goes over the top, but he does so in a very meticulous, contained and specific way that makes his performance both amusing and exciting (and ridiculous).

Then again, this is a thoroughly ridiculous movie. “The Losers” isn’t trying to re-invent the action movie wheel. It’s just out to deliver some explosions, some laughs, and some one-liners (“Can you walk?”) I don’t really need too much more from an April action movie.

The Losers…B

The Celebrity Apprentice: Thrust-worthy

How great/entertaining is Bret Michaels (pictured, right) on this show?
Watching him merrily hop around, thrust his pelvis, and hit on anything with two legs for a couple of hours on “The Celebrity Apprentice” made me completely forget that the rocker is presently fighting for his life after suffering a brain hemorrhage. The thought didn’t even pop back into my head until the brief “Get Well Soon” message at the end of the episode.

Fortunately, we were treated to one of the most entertaining (and certainly the most upbeat) episodes in “Celebrity Apprentice” history during this dark time because, let’s be honest — Bret Michaels getting fired (and he WAS the lowest fundraiser on the losing team) would’ve sucked!

After introducing us to his adorable son Barron (OF COURSE his name is “Barron”) and reacquainting us with his wife Melania (WTF — Why the Face, Melania?!) Trump reorganized the teams and introduced this week’s challenge. The new RockSolid consisted of Bret, Sharon and Maria, while Holly, Curtis, Cyndi and Summer made up Team Tenacity. Since I love Bret on this show — and Sharon and Maria were probably my two favorite players on Tenacity — you can guess which new team I favored. Sharon was even more excited than I was because it meant she got away from the snippiness of Tenacity. And, by “Tenacity”, I mean Holly.

For this week’s challenge, each team created an exercise class for a 24-Hour Fitness center. This was a fundraising task that pitted the two strongest fundraisers — Sharon and Holly — against each other as project managers. 24-Hour Fitness would also donate $24,000 to the team who created the best class.

Team RockSolid almost immediately came up with their “Work Out Like a Rock Star” concept and basically proceeded to play the entire time. I would have worried about them spending too much time goofing around and not enough time actually ironing out their concept, but the trio was having WAY too much fun for me to care.

RockSolid’s brainstorming session resulted in instant-classic “exercise moves”, such as the “tour bus thrust” (which Trump Jr. would like to see Bret demonstrate — ick), “praying to the porcelain God” (which Trump Sr. had never heard of), the “ménage a trios” (which got nixed for some reason), and the “pump up the weiner” (which got nixed for VERY obvious reasons). During this entire time, Bret went from hitting on Mickey the (disapproving) fitness instructor, to flirting with Lindsay the graphic designer, to checking out Maria while she practiced the moves.

Meanwhile, Team Tenacity — minus Cyndi, who left the first day to hang out with Lady GaGa and to be stalked by David Hasselhoff — was all business. In fact, they were SO businesslike, that their lack of fun or excitement became their defining storyline. Well, that and Holly potentially alienating all her fundraising resources for this task. There were also the unintentional laughs mined from their “Buns and Guns” concept and logo. (Sorry, but that little cartoon butt made me snicker every time they showed it.)

For each donation on this challenge, each team had to have a(n unwitting) physical body to actually take the class. This initially seemed like it was going to be a problem for Tenacity because the turnout at their first class was pathetic. It didn’t help matters that the representative from 24-Hour Fitness was observing Summer and Curtis during their abysmally-attended first class. (Oh well, at least Cyndi’s adorable mom showed up to support them.)

Fortunately for Tenacity, things picked up after that, and Holly Robinson Peete willed the gym’s fax machine to shoot out every donation she needed, including a $50,000 gift by Ron Burkle. (I’m pretty sure Holly mentioned his name enough times last night.)

Over on RockSolid, Maria led a rowdy, raucous class while Sharon walked around the room ready to (literally) whip people into shape. Lest you think Bret Michaels was laying low during all this, he actually got straddled in the middle of some “tour bus thrusts” by a married woman who had told him earlier that she was on his “Celebrity Freebie” list. Needless to say, Team RockSolid won the $24,000 for their more original, enjoyable exercise class. (I imaging 24-Hour Fitness will tone the concept WAY down.)

However, in a turn of events that sorta shocked me, Holly absolutely crushed Sharon in terms of fundraising, almost doubling the $100,000+ Sharon had brought in. The main reason I pegged Sharon as the inevitable winner is because of her combination of star power, entertainment value AND fundraising. Then I thought about it a bit more, and I realized that — as the great philosopher Rod Blagojevich might say — Holly “prematurely ejaculated” with her fundraising resources. On flip side, I suspect that Sharon held back a few of her resources for the finale.

That’s IF Sharon got to the finale. For a little while there, it seemed that someone from RockSolid (Bret, NO!!) would be booted. It looked like that person was going to be Sharon after Holly “tittle-tattled” on her by bringing up her desire to quit earlier. Sharon even seemed more than willing to accept the firing.

Then I glanced at my clock, saw that it was 10:55 p.m. and realized that both teams were still in the boardroom — Trump wasn’t going to fire anyone! Usually, I feel it’s a copout when a reality show eliminates no one, but given what’s happening in real life this week, I’m more than happy to make an exception if it means keeping RockSolid intact. This is also further evidence that Sharon has this in the bag —if Trump didn’t fire her this week, he’s never going to let her go!

So what’d you think of this episode? Who will Cyndi Lauper jet off to hang out with next? (David Hasselhoff?!) Who looks better shirtless — Bret or Curtis? Finally, which celebrities are on your “list”? (And, ladies, how far do we have to go until we get to Bret Michaels on your list?)

Project Runway: Finale Decision

Once the “Project Runway” season-ender actually got started – following the 15-minute commercial for Garnier Fructis and L’Oreal – I actually thought it was the strongest finale in recent memory.

There was no challenge to introduce, no field trip to Mood, and workroom bitchery. Other than an alarmingly shirtless (to my girlfriend Erica) shot of Seth Aaron (which may or may not have included butt crack), it was all business.

(Of course, the show couldn’t help but trump up some missing-model drama before the big show, but even that was resolved fairly quickly – it’s why you have alternates.)

Seth Aaron showed introduced his collection – inspired by 1940’s German and Russian military fashion - first with his barely-contained spaz energy. (I love that his kids dress conservatively as a way to rebel against their wild dad.) I thought his collection was FANTASTIC. It was undeniably Seth Aaron, but with a stronger editing eye and more elegance to it. He managed to do both those things without really sacrificing his flair for the dramatic, and he put on a great show. As a civilian, when I imagine going to fashion show, I imagine seeing crazy s--- like the stuff Seth Aaron was sending down the runway. (Except maybe for the bootylicious purple outfit – that was too much.)

Mila was up next with her shadow-inspired collection, and she basically did what she does REALLY well – black and white, mod-inspired color blocking (with a dash of purple leggings). Casting edgy models and giving them a punk-rocker makeover helped her 60’s collection tremendously. However, Mila (who had beaten out Jay for the final slot in the finale) simply had “third place” written all over her from the start.

Emilio rounded things out with his “Color Me Bad” (but not “Color Me Badd”) fashion LINE (Right, Nina?) I REALLY liked the way his line tied together from piece to piece. It was clear and cohesive, but not in an obvious way. Well, it ALMOST worked perfectly, since that gold evening dress seemed to come out of nowhere at the end. Fortunately, that was the best piece in his collection.

Nina and Michael chided Emilio for not going for enough of a wow factor and for designing a more business-like fashion “line” instead of a “collection” for a show. I’m not smart enough to completely understand the difference, but I kind of get it. To be honest, I’d be more outraged on Emilio’s behalf if I’d liked the guy during the course of the show. (Still, seeing the man’s shock and tears over losing was disheartening.)

I’d also be more outraged if Seth Aaron hadn’t been a completely deserving of the win. Watching him celebrate with his adorable family was satisfying, as was his victory. (I may or may not have yelled “YES!” when he won, and pumped my fist.) Overall, Seth Aaron, Emilion and Mila all acquitted themselves quite nicely and delivered the most competitive finale I can remember.

The “Project Runway” season finale was followed by a half-hour reunion show, which absolutely delighted me. I loved the old-school reunion shows, and I honestly would’ve watched an hour of this thing. I was wondering if they would hand out a fan-favorite award, but they didn’t because, I suppose, the thing would’ve OBVIOUSLY gone to Anthony, eliminating any sense of drama. (They should probably rename that thing, “The Anthony Award.”)

Unfortunately, since the thing was only 30 minutes, the show decided to focus almost exclusively on a mean-spirited airing of grievances. (I understand the decision, but an hour-long show would’ve likely given us time for a lighthearted segment or two.) Ping (now shockingly blond) cried about being berated by Jesse, Emilio tried to explain why he dumped model Holly after she saved his ass following the metal bikini fiasco (I still don’t understand his convoluted explanation!) and Jay Nicolas committed career suicide.

The show replayed the segment in which model Cerri expressed that Jay Nicolas’ sun-drenched, colorful style was not for her at all. Jay Nicolas decided to strike back by saying that he’d never hire a model with “bad teeth and thick legs.” The statement was so shocking that you could hear a pin drop in that studio. In fact, the only sound that could be heard was me saying, “Oh my god!”

I understand that Jay was offended at the shots Cerri was taking at his work, but to attack her personally like that showed an alarming amount of vileness and immaturity. On the bright side, I now understand why Mila hated Jay so much.

So what’d you think of this episode? Did the right person win? Has anyone ever said anything meaner on this show than Jay Nicolas’ comment about Cerri? Was that reaction shot during the finale not so Raven? Finally, why Faith Hill, of all people, as a finale guest judge?

Thanks for reading along this season!

Lost: Short-Lived Reunions

We’re getting down to the final handful of “Lost” episodes. (Insert tear.)

After last week’s joyfully chaotic “Everybody Loves Hugo”, I expected a similarly action-packed, anything-can-happen vibe from “The Last Recruit.”

We definitely got the “action-packed” part (explosions! Characters yelling at each other to drop their guns – which happens A LOT on this show!), but I just didn’t get the “anything-can-happen” vibe. I realize episodes like “The Last Recruit” are absolutely necessary to get characters where they need to be for the ultimate endgame, but it really felt like too much of the hour simply had our Losties grumpily trekking through the jungle. For the most part, this workmanlike episode simply didn’t engage my imagination.

Or maybe I’m just grouchy because the long-awaited Jin/Sun reunion was a MAJOR letdown. Yes, we waited nearly two seasons to see these two reunite after being separated by time (about 30 years) and space. For some reason, whenever I pictured their reunion in my head, I always imagined there’d be a lot less Zoe. I also didn’t hear a groan-worthy line like, “Looks like somebody got their voice back.” Oh well, at least Sawyer’s emotional reaction to Jin and Sun getting back together (ever so briefly) salvaged the scene. Kinda.

Then again, maybe I’m cranky because the long-awaited reunion of our original Losties (that was SO season 1) lasted about 10 minutes.

In the previous episode, we were left with Hurley, Jack, Sun and Lapidus eventually surrendering themselves to Anti-Locke and his camp. More specifically, we were left with Anti-Locke and Jack exchanging a chilling and meaningful look. I continued to have high hopes for this reunion after a terrific scene between Jack and Locke at the top of the episode.

Anti-Locke could sense that Jack (unlike Desmond) was uncomfortable in his presence. For his part, Jack held his ground and started asking Anti-Locke questions. Anti-Locke cut through the crap and implored Jack to ask what he really wanted to know – whether the Smoke Monster was responsible for the apparition of Christian Shephard that Jack had been literally and figuratively chasing all these years. Anti-Locke answered that he was indeed responsible for that apparition and pretty much every other impersonation of a dead person who’d been brought dead to the Island. (Locke, Mr. Eko’s brother Yemi.)

Do we believe him? If you think about it long enough, you can poke holes in this explanation. (The Smoke Monster can’t leave the Island, so how could he have appeared to Michael in the freighter just before his death?) Personally, I’m inclined to believe Anti-Locke, and any storytelling holes that may come out of this can be attributed to the writers’ not necessarily planning out every last detail of this show (they probably didn’t know that they were going to make Christian the Smoke Monster when they had him pop up in the freighter) combined with a desire to resolve some “mysteries” before the show wraps up. Or maybe it’ll be revealed that Anti-Locke was lying after all.

Either way, things sort of went downhill after that electrifying opening scene (and after a significant reunion in the Sideways world – more on that later).

Saywer enacted his great sub escape plan, which was to include Kate, Jack, Hurley, Sun and Lapidus. Claire - who lost her ticket when she tried to kill Kate - and Sayid - who had gone to the dark side and was a zombie - were not invited. Hurley ended up trying to make a case for his dark side-leaning friends by evoking a certain “Star Wars” anti-hero, but Sawyer responded with “Who the hell is Anakin?” (Really, Sawyer!?)

Sayid was sent on his separate way. The killer-for-hire was dispatched by Anti-Locke to dispose of Desmond after Zoe came into Anti-Locke’s camp looking for Des (curious that neither mentioned him by name) and failed to intimidate him by shooting rockets near his camp (what if one of those missiles had killed Desmond – she didn’t know where he was stashed!)

That lead to another one of the episode’s best scenes, in which Desmond all but certainly talked Sayid out of killing him by asking him what Anti-Locke had promised him and making Sayid think about how he’d explain what he’d done to be reunited with the woman he loves. Just like Sayid was told to kill Anti-Locke before he had a chance to speak, it seems that letting Desmond speak allowed Sayid to be swayed, this time to the side of good. I was actually pretty giddy to learn that Sayid is NOT completely dead inside.

Jack was briefly reunited with his half-sister Claire, but he mostly seemed generally creeped out by her (which is understandable because she’s insane). She didn’t take too kindly to being ditched when Jack tried to bring Hurley, Sun and Lapidus along for Sawyer’s escape plan. That resulted in a face off between her and Kate. For a second I allowed myself to think she was actually going to shoot Kate (people are going to start dying off soon, right?), but instead she begrudgingly joined her fellow friends. I still don’t trust Claire as far as I can throw her. Also, why doesn’t anybody ever snap back with, “Hey, you walked away and left your kid in the jungle!” whenever Claire starts babbling about being abandoned.

As they boarded the Elizabeth – the boat that Libby had gifted Desmond – to make way for Hydra Island, Sawyer tried to make peace with Jack. This was another of one of the episode’s stronger scenes. Jack eventually announced that leaving the Island didn’t feel right, which infuriated Sawyer.

I can actually sympathize with both men on this issue. Jack has left the Island before, so he knows first-hand what it’s like to feel incomplete when the Island isn’t done with you (it drives you to grow a crazy beard). Sawyer, on the other hand, has NEVER left the Island since crashing there, so he can be forgiven for thinking Jack is full of it. Either way, when Jack jumped off the ship (in a similar pose as Sawyer jumping off the helicopter to save fuel back in the day), he probably should’ve jumped a little further out to avoid being killed by a propeller.

Sawyer and friends were greeted by Jin (yay!) and Zoe (BOO!) who seemed to double cross them by taking them as prisoners and ordering the bombing of the other Island. Jack washed up on shore, only to be semi-blown to bits and rescued by Anti-Locke. (“You’re with me now.” Shudder.)

Sorry that I haven’t mentioned the Sideways world at all, but I don’t really think there’s THAT much to report yet.

Well, not that much other than the fascinating moment when Sideways Sun and Sideways Locke were being rolled into the ER together and SideSun freaked out and started shouting “It’s him!” seemingly recognizing SideLocke as the Smoke Monster.

Besides that (as was the case on the Island), characters were mostly placed where they needed to be. Desmond (semi-creepily) reunited Claire with her half-brother Jack at the reading of Christian’s will (conducted by Ilana). Sawyer exchanged “witty” banter with Kate before arresting Sayid. And, finally, Jack came face-to-face with John Locke, whose life hung in the balance.

We still don’t know what exactly triggers Island memories in the Sideways characters’ lives. Is it a kiss? It was for Hurley and Libby, but not for Sun and Jin, who we know slept together. Is it a life-threatening event? It was for Desmond and Charlie, but not for Locke, who presumably hasn’t flashed on his previous Island life.

After last week’s chilling cliffhanger, I hoped to get some of those answers in “The Last Recruit”, but it turns out that all the episode did was put us IN POSITION to get those answers. That’s better than nothing.

So what’d you think of this episode? Is Island Jack a paraplegic now — or even really still alive? (I can’t help but think of his half-sister maybe/probably getting blown up in that Dharma barracks explosion and never being the same again.) How is David supposed to keep himself busy while his dad presumably operates on Locke for hours? Finally, there’s no way Sayid killed Island Desmond, right?

America's Next Top Recap: Hairy Situation

After an entire season’s worth of drama last week in the “Top Model” house, things couldn’t help but be calmer in the latest episode.

So yes, “America’s Next Top Model” was 65% less sour and annoying last night (and sure to get even less sour and annoying given who was eliminated). On top of that, we were treated to some hilariously crummy special effects. (We owe New Zealand an apology.)

Overall, not a bad way to spend an hour.

The hour opened with the girls getting an unannounced visit (seriously, someone just walking into my house would’ve freaked me out) from “The City” star Whitney Port and legendary supermodel Pat Cleveland (and her freaky-deaky eye makeup). Cleveland is one of those famous women who swans in and out of rooms and could be anywhere between 48 and 77 years old. I kind of like her.

After taking the girls on a mini-shopping spree, the modeltestants were taken to a club populated by curiously burly women. In fact, it turned out to be a drag club, and the women were tasked with displaying their personality during an impromptu runway challenge.

The episode had opened with Krista complaining about coming close to - but not earning - top photo honors, Alexandra complaining about being stuck in a rut, and Anslee mentioning that she has a kid back home. (I had no idea). Unsurprisingly, these three were the focus throughout the episode. (With a little Angelea and Alasia sprinkled in, unfortunately.)

Since the challenge took place at a drag club, I figured Angelea had it in the bag (how has no one in the panel mentioned how drag-tastic she is?) Instead, it was Krista who dominated with her strong walk and REALLY clinched the win with her rotating mannequin move at the end of the runway. On the opposite end of the spectrum, Anslee busted out an even harsher look than her usual facial expression. Apparently, walking with a stern look on her face = Anslee being true to herself. Since, I’ve run out of ways to call Anslee a thoroughly unpleasant person, I absolutely agree that she was being true to her personality. The only problem is that her personality sucks.

Before the photo shoot, we were treated to a redux of the “Alasia takes a long time to get ready” storyline. As a guy, I imagine that all these women take a long time to get ready (at least to us menfolk), so I have to wonder how much bathroom/mirror time Alasia logs to make OTHER WOMEN say, “Damn, she takes a long time!” Either way, the girls made a show of walking out of the apartment and leaving Alasia behind, but that whole “drama” was resolved when Alasia caught up with them in the van. So, instead of grimly waiting for her in the apartment, they all decided to grimly wait for her in the van. Um, message sent?

The week’s photo shoot had the girls splitting up into two teams (for reasons that remain completely unclear to me) and modeling outfits made out of hair. (Paging Chris March’s season 4 finale collection on “Project Runway.”) It was almost amusing to see the girls jeer the competitors on the opposite teams during a photo shoot (my favorite part was Jessica randomly calling someone a “two-dollar whore”), but other than that the team element didn’t come into play.

Since this was unofficially Krista Week, she finally won top photo honors and it was very well deserved. Krista (pictured, left) is definitely not your typical pretty girl, but she’s got an incredibly strong model-esque look and this week she channeled Grace Jones with her fierceness during the shoot. In fact, every time she threw out a new pose, it was as if she was saying “Bam!” in her head. Krista received strong competition from Raina for top photo honors (in my mind) and from Angelea (in the judges’ mind). I didn’t really get Angelea’s photo, but then again I hate Angelea, so I’m not objective.

The worst photos belonged to Anslee (who busted out her patented Anslee face) and Alexandra (who looked like she was falling). It was a little hard to get invested in who got eliminated. I obviously dislike seeing Anslee on my TV every week, but Alexandra was becoming an increasingly wet blanket with her “whoa is me attitude.” In the end, the panel decided to keep the competition’s one remaining plus-size model and reunite Anslee with her daughter. (Probably the right call.)

The remaining six ladies are off to New Zealand, which Tyra revealed after an extended, nightmarish skit that involved the tired judges going to sleep, footage of sheep being brought into a room (that was SO not the judges’ room) and the judges literally grabbing Zs dangling from fishing lines held by a group of long-suffering production assistants. It may sound like I’m complaining, but I actually wish this season had more moments of inspired lunacy like this, instead of the depressing nastiness we’ve gotten so far.

So what’d you think of this episode? Is being “fierce” really better than being “major”? What was up with that elevator? (Why wouldn’t the light go on when she was pressing the button?) Finally, where did they get all that hair? (Barbershop and salon floors?)

American Idol: Yawn Inspiring

The only thing this season of “American Idol” has inspired me to do is change the channel or take a nap.

(And yet I continue to watch — this really is me at my most masochistic.)

Needless to say, I had low expectations for “Inspirational Songs” week, yet the Idols STILL managed to graze the low bar I had set for them.

I suppose we have to talk about Crystal Bowersox’s performance first because I assume that’s what people are talking about today. (Assuming people are still bothering to talk about this season.)

I do not believe her crying jag at the end of “People Get Ready” was intentional. (If it was, she needs to get out of the music business and start acting.) Maybe I’d buy that it was a manipulative move to garner votes if Crystal weren’t already the only-runner by a mile. (I WOULD say front-runner, but that implies that someone else from this season is in her league. She’s an only-runner.) Most importantly, it was nice to see someone, ANYONE (whether it be a singer, a judge, a Seacrest, a member of the viewing public) express that they give a damn about this season.

I’d love to tell you more, but my DVR cutout.

The real shame of Crystal breaking down and crying is that it’s obscuring a truly terrific and touching performance. She left the guitar (and piano) at home and delivered a knockout of an acapella intro. What’s more, my girlfriend Erica (who doubles as my technical advisor during this show) informed me that it’s VERY hard to stay on key when you’re singing acapella and the music comes in, which Crystal did. So there’s that.

Lee DeWyze grabbed the silver medal for the evening with a current-sounding cover of Simon and Garfunkel’s “The Boxer.” He got off to a shaky start, but ended up doing a very nice job. I was mostly pleased by how sweet he sounded singing a song I never would’ve picked for him. Still, every time the judges rush to overrate him (in a desperate bid to drum up “competition” for Crystal) it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Sorry, but I do NOT believe he had a “moment.” He’s good. Unfortunately (but fortunately for him), he’s “good” in a year where “good” is good enough for second place.

Unfortunately, the evening also featured a trio of song choices that you’d expect from a group of people who clearly have no clue (but still make you groan).

Yes, we were “treated” to the songs from “Space Jam”, “The Prince of Egypt”, and “Spider Man” thanks to the likes of Aaron Kelly, Siobhan Magnus and Michael Lynche, respectively.

After hitting some wonky notes in the beginning, Aaron ended up delivering a shockingly un-awful version of “I Believe I Can Fly.” The only problem is that it’s SUCH a typical song choice from the balladeering high school student and it’s a song that no one really wants to hear in 2010. (Unless it’s this version.)

For what feels like the 10th consecutive week, Siobhan delivered another baffling performance. (And not baffling in a good, interesting way like Adam Lambert’s “Ring of Fire.”) Siobhan sounded really good throughout her performance, but why would such a compelling, quirky girl pick such a square song?! The identity crisis continues.

Then there’s Michael Lynche, who allegedly always wanted to sing Chad Kroeger’s “Hero” in public. (Ugh.) To say I’m not a Nickelback fan is an understatement, but I actually think “Hero” is among Kroeger’s least offensive works. Still, it’s the freaking song from “Spider Man”, dude! The way Michael bristled when Simon pointed this out reminds me of the way Erica bristles when I point out Linkin Park’s “New Divide” is the “Transformers” song. Most offensively, Michael sounded kinda strained during the song’s most powerful parts. (His vocals are usually on point.)

That leaves Tim Urban and Casey James (pictured, right). One guy’s reach exceeded his grasp (or is that the other way around?), while the other guy doesn’t even seem to be trying.

I actually didn’t think Tim’s cover of the Goo Goo Dolls’ “Better Days” wasn’t too bad. At least it wasn’t as bad as Tim Urban: The Early Years (“Apologize”, et al). Still, he definitely bit off more than he can chew, and it’ll probably place him in the bottom 3 (again).

Still, I’ll take the guy who, at least, pushed himself vocally to the guy who had a cruise control switch implanted into his body.

Casey’s version of “Don’t Stop” was completely interchangeable with his bar band performances during Rolling Stones Week, Billboard #1 week and pretty much every performance of his during the finals besides “Jealous Guy.”

It was so boring that the most interesting part of the whole thing was me busting out my Casey James impersonation in which I mime holding a guitar and stiffly do a herky-jerky dance with a frozen/pained smile on my face. Apparently, it was so good that Erica suggested I dress as Casey James for Halloween. Scary.

So what’d you think of this episode? How many animals were harmed to create Siobhan’s ensemble? Did mentor Alicia Keys say anything remote interesting or insightful? Finally, who do you think is going home? (I think the bottom three will be Aaron, Tim and Siobhan, with Aaron going home.)

24: Charles in Charge

Gregory Itzin (pictured, left) is a fantastic actor.

If you saw his Emmy-worthy (but tragically not Emmy-WINNING) work in season 5 of “24”, you saw how the man can elevate the stakes on this show to almost Shakespearean heights.

Needless to say, having him back in the series’ final hours is great: both the character and the actor have already made themselves indispensable.

Ex-President Charles Logan was able to bring the Russians back to the negotiating table for President Taylor’s beloved peace agreement. Meanwhile, Itzin was able to make a COMPLETELY unbelievable turn of events mostly palatable.

Sorry, but I just don’t believe for one second that President Allison Taylor – the woman who sent her own daughter to jail for her role in a conspiracy at the end of last season – would sell Jack Bauer and Dalia Hassan down the river in order to preserve her sham of a peace agreement.

Logan was able to get Novakovich and the Russians back to the negotiating table by revealing that he knew the Russian government was behind the IRK’s assassination of Omar Hassan and threatening to tell President Taylor. On his way back to the see President Taylor, Itzin unleashed some classic Logan by vainly and delusionally crowing about how great it feels to serve your country. He also got wind that Jack Bauer was on his way to potentially ruin his plans. (More on that a bit later.)

When he met with President Taylor and a mostly-recovered Ethan, he informed them that the Russians were back on board with the peace agreement. When Ethan asked how he did it, and Logan claimed he appealed to Novakovich’s morality, I laughed out loud when Ethan shot back with, “Seriously.”

The next few minutes hinged entirely on Itzin and he was excellent. Jack had found out from Sergei Bazhaev (remember when he was the season’s main bad guy – seems like YEARS ago) that the Russian government was behind Hassan’s assassination and Renee’s murder (she’s not a political figure, so I can’t say was “assassinated” – sorry).

Logan had to convince President Taylor to lock Jack down and keep him from ruining the peace agreement and Itzin used all his persuasive, slimy and magnetic charm to get the job done. He was the little devil on President Taylor’s shoulder, while Ethan was the exasperated angel. In the end, Logan won out because he was more persuasive and not because his argument made sense. Make no mistake, his argument makes NO SENSE. Why would President Taylor enter into a peace agreement with a group of people she KNOWS actively tried to sabotage it and committed multiple murders to do so.

I give President Taylor for at least having the guts to tell Jack face-to-face.

Jack was still understandably peeved about the latest love of his life getting murdered. I thought the moment in the hospital where the doctor asked Renee if she had any next of kin and Jack couldn’t answer was interesting and quietly powerful. It illustrated that Jack didn’t really know Renee that well, and now he never would. That seemed to make him even angrier.

Jack learned from Bazhaev (as he was getting sentenced) that the Russian government was supporting the IRK, but he didn’t get specifics. For that, Bazhaev said, he’d have to talk to Dana Walsh.

Cue the moment us Dana-haters have been waiting for all season – Jack slamming her head on the table (ouch!) and literally smacking her around until she agreed to cooperate in exchange for immunity. (I liked how ex-fiance Cole wasn’t exactly in a big hurry to get in there and help Dana out.) Unfortunately, Jack would get shut down by the president a little later.

(Quick side note: I can usually ignore the transportation-related leaps of logic this show takes, but last night it was too much. Jack walked into a waiting taxi cab and got to Bahzaev’s courtroom in less than 10 minutes, then arrived at CTU about 15 minutes later. President’s Taylor motorcade appeared to take about five minutes to arrive to CTU.)

The scene between President Taylor and Jack was strong. The heartbreak and betrayal on Jack’s face served as a reminder that, besides being a badass, Kiefer Sutherland is a terrific actor. President Taylor arranged to have Jack shipped off via helicopter, but Jack had other plans.

I thought the moment where Jack was being escorted to the helicopter and Chloe, noticing something was off, asked for audio, only to cut into Jack yelling “I will shoot him!” was hilarious. In a totally predictable twist, Jack did not go quietly into the morning and helicopter-jacked his way to freedom.

The episode may have hinged on a truly implausible turn of events, but I felt like it ended with an incredibly effective and stirring emotional scene. Seeing Chloe run onto the helipad and tell her men to hold fire as Jack escaped was a bit heartbreaking – the two are on opposite sides now. (Though I suspect that, if forced to choose, Chloe would absolutely go with Jack over the Head of CTU job that was foisted on her.)

So what’d you think of this episode? What’s Dalia Hassan going to do when she finds out the Russians were behind Omar’s death and that President Taylor kept that knowledge from her? Where did Logan get his intel on the Russians from? (His assistant seems mighty handy and suspicious.) Finally, where the hell is Jack going with that helicopter?

Dancing with the Stars: Getting Into (Movie) Character

I like “Dancing with the Stars.” I LOVE movies.

So obviously, I was a little more excited about “Movie Night” on “Dancing with the Stars” than I would be over an average episode.

After getting off to a slow start, the evening didn’t disappoint. I wouldn’t even count Kate Gosselin’s performance as a disappointment because I EXPECTED her to be life force-drainingly horrible. (Seriously, whenever she dances, it’s like there’s a Dementor in the room.)

Let’s get right to the couples and the movies they (allegedly) drew inspiration from, in order of appearance.

Niecy Nash and Louis: La Bamba Like the judges, I was mostly happy to see Niecy and Louis having fun on the dance floor after tackling the issue of interracial relationships and paying tribute to Niecy’s dead brother in consecutive weeks. Unfortunately, there isn’t much to say about Niecy’s actual dancing during her jive. Her shimmying boobs carried the routine, but it was still impossible to ignore the lack of sharpness and fluidity in her kicks and her general sluggish pace.

Chad Ochocinco and Chery: The Jungle Book Chad and Cheryl’s tiger print costume killed two birds with one stone, referencing Chad’s NFL team the Bengals AND their jungle-themed quickstep. Too bad the dance itself was disappointingly clumsy and disconnected (both literally and figuratively). Like Carrie Ann said, there would be quick moments when things looked good, but those moments just broke up the general dreariness. Also, it appears that Chad is genuinely getting on Cheryl’s nerves. Up next: getting on OUR nerves. (Assuming it hasn’t happened for you already.)

Erin Andrews and Maksim: Pulp Fiction Erin and Maks’ exasperation during their rehearsal footage is as charmingly real as Chad wants his and Cheryl’s to be. I have to admit that they got me with the half-speed opening (“Oh no,” I said), but I ended up really liking this routine. Erin is still a bit gangly with her arms, but she acquitted herself quite well during her side-by-side work with Maks. Still, I have to ask: why was Erin’s Mia Wallace wig blonde?!

Jake Pavelka (pictured, right) and Chelsie: Risky Business Congratulations to Jake for becoming the first contestant (that I can remember) to go shirtless AND pantsless in the same week. We’re making history here, people! Although his cha cha cha was characteristically messy, this was my favorite dance of his. I was impressed right off the bat when he managed to slip his pants on without falling (my girlfriend Erica was impressed with his “Top Gun”-inspired shirtless-ness during the rehearsal, but she won’t admit it). He still seems to get too excited when he does well (better lines this week), which leads him to screw up. His improvement just goes to prove (as if we didn’t know already) that Chelsie is an EXCELLENT teacher. Credit should also go to Jake, who always kind of looks like an idiot, but doesn’t seem to mind. He’s the anti-Kate.

Pamela Anderson and Damian: 9 to 5 The character during Pam’s quickstep was great, the footwork was pretty good, but the top half of her body (especially in hold, where they weren’t nearly close enough) was a bit of a letdown. (Probably one of the few times the top half of Pamela Anderson’s body has let someone down.) This is also the second week in a row I think she could’ve been asked to do a bit more by Damian. Still, she continues to be an impressive dancer and the move where they climbed on the chair and desk and back down onto the dance floor was pretty sweet.

Kate Gosselin and Tony: The Breakfast Club Kate got on my nerves as soon as she announced that she hasn’t seen “The Breakfast Club.” (Honestly, does this woman have ANY redeeming qualities?!) Tony is every bit as tired of Kate (“Zero energy, no motivation, and I have to push her every week. It’s exhausting," he said as she failed to suppress a yawn) as we are. Her foxtrot was absolutely more of a stroll (thanks Len) and a post-mortem (nailed it again Bruno). Ugh! The “Save Me” look on Tony’s face while Brooke gave out their numbers was priceless.

Nicole Scherzinger and Derek: Pretty Woman Not really sure why Derek decided sniffing Nicole’s shoe was a good idea during their staged Rodeo Drive shopping montage, but whatever. Their tango seemed like it was on fast forward, but I definitely appreciated that after the half-speed jives we got earlier in the evening. Still, I disagree with Len that it was their best dance. (Way too severe and little off-putting.) They still seem to be operating on a different league than everyone else, but the next couple is catching up...

Evan Lysacek and Anna: Armageddon After struggling to connect with this dude’s performances, this was my favorite dance of his. I especially have an appreciation for the guy’s work after getting a taste of his insane “Dancing with the Stars on Ice” schedule. The hip action during the rumba was there (better than I expected) and his lines were impeccable (as always). I also like that they didn’t tell their love story by slutting it up (despite the fact that the side of Anna’s dress was missing), instead letting their technique do the talking (as Carrie Ann pointed out).

So what’d you think of this episode? Is being compared to Tom Cruise still a compliment? (Sorry to burst your bubble Jake, but I don’t think so.) Can you fit between Louis Van Amstel’s legs? Finally, who do you think is going home? (I’m predicting Kate, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s Niecy.)

Lost: Boom Goes the Dynamite

Sorry I’m late with this “Lost” recap, but as the show continues to wind down, these episodes are getting increasingly mind-blowing. (Well, there’s that and the fact that, at times, I’m shockingly lazy.)

I’ve spent the better part of the last week cleaning up pieces of my brain (and Ilana) off my wall. (I’ll try to keep it short because much smarter and more insightful people have already said far more interesting things about this episode.)

Coming into “Everybody Loves Hugo”, I was looking forward to wrapping up our initial tour of the Sideways world since Hurley was the last major character who hadn’t gotten the alternate-reality treatment. I was also (naturally) expecting a bizarre version of season 2’s “Everybody Hates Hugo”, in which Hurley worried about alienating his friends off the Island after winning the lotto, and worried about alienating his fellow castaways when he was tasked with overseeing the food supply.

The Hurley in the original timeline believed himself to be cursed by his lotto win, so I also expected Sideways Hurley to have ridiculously good luck, especially since the character had referred to himself as the luckiest person in the world during the season premiere.

However, the Hurley we encountered in the Sideways world wasn’t all that different from the Hurley we’ve all grown to love over five and a half seasons. He’s lonely, he has low self-esteem and he eats when he’s bummed out. (I suppose he didn’t quite say “dude” yet.) In fact, all the “luckiest man in the world” stuff was mostly out of the way during an episode-opening montage that saw Hurley win a humanitarian award presented by Dr. Pierre Chang. I know it’s cool to see old characters pop up in a new context in the Sideways world, but Chang’s appearance makes no sense. In the 2004 Sideways world, he looked pretty much the same way he looked during the 1970’s Dharma days. I realize this is nitpicky, but I felt like the writers got too cute by half by including him.

Anyway, Hurley’s hilariously harsh and doting mom had set him up on a blind date with no-show Rosalita. Instead, Hurley met former Island crush Libby, who felt very connected to him after seeing him in a TV commercial. Hurley’s parade was slightly rained on when he realized that she was a patient in a mental institution, but Hurley was able to bribe his way into another visit with Libby (after a little prodding from chicken enthusiast Desmond).

Libby explained to him how some of her Island memories had come flooding back to her after seeing that TV commercial. Unfortunately, Hurley didn’t remember any of it, but he agreed to a beach date anyway because he must’ve anticipated that she’d be wearing a top that would show off maximum cleavage. (The beach scene got a huge AWW from me, because it was the date they never got to go on after Libby was shot while looking for a picnic blanket.)

Although he’s the show’s main source of comic relief, I like the Hurley episodes because they really give Jorge Garcia a chance to show what a great actor he is. He and Cynthia Watros had believable sparks and chemistry, which went a long way toward me buying their kiss. Of course, that kiss ended up being the same thing that jolted Hurley’s memory in regards to his past Island life.

That concludes the sweet love story/character study portion of this episode because everything else was bats--- INSANE!

The first jolt came with the unfortunate death of Ilana. (At least I THINK it was unfortunate, since everyone else seemed to get over it pretty quickly.) While visiting Libby’s grave, Hurley got a visit from Michael, the man who shot her. Michael insisted that if Hurley didn’t stop Richard from blowing the plane up, that a lot of people would die. Michael also claimed it was Hurley’s responsibility because a lot of people were listening to him now.

Ilana (and Richard) grew frustrated with Hurley’s objections, which is what led her to slam the dynamite down too hard and join Dr. Arzt in the great pantheon of characters who’ve blown themselves up with dynamite from the Black Rock. Richard’s resolve didn’t change, which led Hurley to (somehow) get to ship before everyone else and blow it up. Hurley tried to bluff and act like he was doing Jacob’s bidding, but Richard, Miles and Ben (who is afraid what might be in store when the Island is done with him) decided to go to Dharmaville to get some grenades.

I’m not saying this was a perfect episode. I didn’t like seeing the Jack Attack group get split up once again, but I’m sure Richard, Ben and Miles have a big move in their back pockets down the road. I also thought the inclusion of Michael was a bit clumsy. I like Harold Perineau and the idea of involving Libby’s murderer was interesting, but his blatant, clunky explanation of what the Whispers in the jungle are (they’re the souls trapped on the Island due to something bad they’ve done) was bothersome. I realize some people need the “mysteries” of this show to be spelled out, but I think having two characters step aside and actually discuss it was AWFUL. (I don’t mind figuring things out for myself.)

Hurley was joined by Jack, a skeptical Sun and a REALLY skeptical Lapidus. I really liked the scene where Jack articulated what most of us suspected. He’s trying to let go of his “fixer” ways and see what happens when he tries to follow. I also thought the argument from Hurley that maybe Jack IS NOT supposed to change the way he is was fascinating. Either way, the episode ended with the group marching right up to Anti-Locke’s camp and former frenemies Jack and (sorta)Locke exchanging loaded, chilling looks.

Things hadn’t been going so well for Camp Anti-Locke until Jack showed up and that creepy smile crossed Terry O’Quinn’s face.

The main thorn in Anti-Locke’s side was an unnervingly calm and unafraid Desmond Hume. When Anti-Locke asked him if he knew who he was, Desmond barely suppressed a smile when he said, “You’re John Locke.” (Am I the only one wondering if there was actually a little truth to Desmond’s statement?)

Locke decided to isolate Desmond by giving him a little history on the Island’s myriad wells and then tossing him in one. I was absolutely horrified when this happened because I had no idea how deep that well was! (Seeing Desmond pop up in next week’s previews assuaged my fear.)

What does it say about this episode that Anti-Locke randomly tossing Desmond into a well was only the second craziest thing that happened?! The top honor, of course, goes to Sideways Desmond (or is it Island Desmond since he mentioned his son Charlie to Sideways Ben) running over SideLocke…and presumably sending him to the hospital to meet up with a certain Sideways spinal surgeon.

The conventional wisdom seems to be that Sideways Desmond ran over Locke to either jog his Island memory then and there, or lead him to Jack so they could jog each other’s memory ala Hurley and Libby (sans the kiss, I hope). My main problem with this is that there’s no way Desmond could know FOR SURE that running over SideLocke wouldn’t kill him. I mean, how does one brutally hit someone with their car just hard enough to jog their memory, but without killing them? The smile on Desmond’s face only adds to the mystery.

Still, I love that I have no idea what the hell was going on and the anything-goes vibe that’s sure to continue through the end of the series.

So what’d you think of this episode? What’s the deal with that stick/spear Locke was carving? Was the little boy Locke and Desmond encountered in the jungle the same one Locke saw in the jungle when he was walking with Sawyer? Finally, why DID Desmond run Locke over?

The Celebrity Apprentice: With a Trace

So it turns out that Sharon Osbourne IS still alive.

I was starting to have my doubts after she missed all of last week and began this episode on the sidelines. Unfortunately, Sharon’s return couldn’t fully enliven what turned out to be a particularly tedious episode of “The Celebrity Apprentice.”

Between a mind-numbing conflict in which two of my favorites (Cyndi and Maria) both came out looking bad, a male country music singer and his aversion to necklaces and smiling, and the repeated use of the word “bandana”, I didn’t love an episode of “Celebrity Apprentice” for the first time this season. (The fact that Trump didn’t announce he was bringing back Rod Blagojevich to replace Michael Johnson may have also had something to do with it.)

This week’s tasks had the teams reinventing Luke Bryan and Emily West, a pair of country music artists on the rise. (Or so they tell me – I know a bit about country music, but not enough to know who Luke Bryan and Emily West are.) They’d have to create a press kit, do a makeover and maximize the singers’ breakout potential.

Fortunately, Luke and Emily were accompanied by the episode’s major bright spot – season 1 runner-up Trace Adkins (pictured, right). I’ll get into his absolute badassery in the boardroom later, but now I’m starting to think that Emily and (especially) Luke suffered by how much they paled in comparison with a legitimate star like Trace Adkins. (Summer couldn’t get over his sheer size/presence.) I was mostly happy we didn’t get Clint Black.

Cyndi Lauper stepped up to lead Team Tenacity because the task involved working with a young musician and she’s a legendary pop star. Goldberg stepped up to lead Team Rocksolid because…he hadn’t been project manager yet. I actually understand the thinking behind Goldberg’s decision (and his desire to play for his charity, given that Bret Michaels has already won $100,000 for his), but it would ultimately prove to be his undoing.

The teams met with both artists. Team Tenacity (mostly just Cyndi) decided she wanted to work with Emily based on a small sampling of her music, while the men, after extensive research by the well-connected Bret, decided it didn’t really matter. (Hokay.)

The men picked Luke and got to work after a weird, brief scene that Goldberg asking Luke what color his eyes were as well as Curtis and Luke exchanging shirts to prove they were the same size (methinks the real reason was to get Curtis shirtless). Bret did his best to push Luke out of his comfort zone and build a little hype around him, but it proved to be quite a challenge. I admire that Luke had a voice and wasn’t just willing to go along with ANYTHING Bret said, but that same quality kind of made him a bit of a joyless pain in the butt to work with. Bret also prepped him for his interview with People Country magazine, but Luke you know almost immediately forgot every tip that you know Bret had given him about you know having energy and you know never mentioning how tired you are.

As annoying as that was, it wasn’t half as bad as what was going on with Team Tenacity.

Cyndi took control of the task, much to the chagrin of Holly – who’s never really had much patience with Cyndi – and Maria, whose childhood vision of Cyndi was crushed after this episode. The younger women complained about how Cyndi was condescending and marginalizing them in this task and Sharon wasn’t around to defend her like she has in the past.

Not to be too much of a Cyndi Lauper apologist, but I don’t honestly think she was trying to always interrupt Maria and Holly or that she thought they were idiots – I just think that’s how she works. It’s an incredibly infuriating method for those around her, but that’s how a lot of creative people are. They’re scattershot and condescending, but they don’t mean to be. I was disappointed that Maria, a really strong player, took it so personally and let it derail her during the task and in the boardroom. As Trace (who got off a good Piers Morgan/Ozzy Osbourne joke that looked like it was going to make Sharon REALLY upset for a split second) put it during his visit with the women, this task is basically tailor-made for Cyndi, so the smart thing to do is just to stand back and let her do her thing (and you give her enough rope to hang herself in case they lose).

In what was probably the most closely-contested challenge, the men won handily with their airbrushed press materials (Trump seemed physically ill at having to look at the Emily’s un-retouched photos in her kit), the women won with the makeover, and the women somehow won the weirdly nebulous “breakout success” criteria that wasn’t ever properly explained. Emily having most of the life sucked out her during her interview and Luke bombing his didn’t really seem to play into the final decision. Whatever.

As much as Trump tried by repeating the word “bandana” 27 times, the boardroom was dominated by Trace Adkins. I liked that he stood and took his hat off when the women entered the room. I enjoyed the sly look he and Bret exchanged when Maria was talking about pushing up Emily’s breasts during her makeover. I liked when he grumpily blurted out, “Enough with the bandana.” Most of all, I LOVED that he had the guts to disagree with Trump during the Donald’s customary “I made the correct decision, right” butt-kissing convention. Even if I disagree with Trace’s premise that Bret deserved to be fired, it was worth it for Trump’s reaction – it was as if someone had slapped him in the face.

Anyway, it was Goldberg’s time to go. Whether he delegated 95%, 90%, 87% or 70% of the task to Bret, the point is that it was WAY too much. Since almost everyone agreed that Bret did a good job, it was bye bye Goldberg, an elimination that made Bret feel sick to his stomach. Trump inexplicably and harshly chastised Bret for expressing that emotion, but Bret won me over again by replying that he may have won that day, but “I lost my friend.”

So what’d you think of this episode? How would Trump look in a bandana? Did you know there was a “People Country”? Are you a “skin man” like Trump? Finally, the most important question of all – is Maria shaved or hairy?

The Celebrity Apprentice: Bring in Da Noise, Bring in Da Funk-y Godfather

“Funky god-FA-ther…funky god-FAAAA-ther, yeahhhh!” (Sorry about getting that stuck in your head again.)

I’ve obviously had a lot of fun times watching this ridiculous show.

However, the funnest of fun times on “Celebrity Apprentice” usually come from watching these people make a commercial.

Don’t believe me? Allow me to present Exhibit A: last season when the celebs were tasked with creating a commercial/viral video for All detergent, we got a bunch of midgets beating up Jesse James (turns out those midgets were WAY ahead of their time) and Clint Black implying that he uses All detergent to masturbate. Seriously.

The latest apprentices didn’t quite reach those heights of lunacy, but they sure tried. (Did I mention that Sharon was out of this episode entirely with an illness, Cyndi Lauper missed 80% of the task to hang out with President Obama and that a celebrity would leave the show later on?!)

The episode got off to a promisingly loopy start when Trump presented the challenge, which involved creating a 30-second TV commercial, and a 10-second online spot for Right Guard Total Defense 5 deodorant. The ads would star former NBA superstars Scottie Pippen and Clyde Drexler.

After Holly Robinson Peete and Curtis Stone stepped up as project managers for their respective teams, Trump gave the players a chance to win an additional $10,000 for their project managers. But before he did that, he stepped up to the foul line while still wearing his coat and swished a funky-looking, semi-jump shot (pictured, left). Obviously, I immediately assumed it was HEAVILY edited to make it look like he made it, but then I got to thinking that this show is insane enough that the Donald maybe DID actually make it on his first try.

And then, I saw the attempts from Bret Michaels and Goldberg (the ones where they pathetically air-balled) and then I convinced myself that there’s no way Trump made his shot on the first try. Instead, it was Maria, looking like a badass in her heels, who won $10,000 for Holly’s charity by banking in her free throw attempt.

The teams met with the Right Guard execs, who wanted to focus on boys in their teens. (If they wanted to rope in boys in their teens, maybe they should’ve gotten NBA stars from this decade – does anyone under the age of 15 know who Clyde Drexler is?! Curtis certainly didn’t, but that’s because he’s Australian.) Holly flat-out told the execs that she was going to aim her campaign at the mothers who buy the deodorant.

For Rocksolid, Brett had a vision about a man showing up in a door, dropping his luggage and revealing a bunch of different sticks of Right Guard deodorant. Or something. No one can really follow Bret when he’s brainstorming. Bret’s ideas were so ambitious that even he had serious doubts as to whether they’d be able to execute them in the time allotted and begged Curtis to shoot a more modestly-scaled spot. After a brief freakout, Curtis decided to plow ahead with Bret’s original plan.

Of course, that was only the second most significant Bret-related drama in the episode. When the promos showed him taking a call about his daughter getting a diabetus (sic) test, I cynically assumed that it would either turn out to be a minor fakeout and that she’d be fine, or an overblown source of manufactured drama. I’ll be damned if I didn’t get a little emotional watching Bret struggle with his guilt over passing on diabetus to his daughter. “The Celebrity Apprentice” – making me care about washed up, rock star man-whores since 2010!

Anyway, Holly took control on the women’s side and came up with the idea of casting Scottie Pippen as a Funky Godfather who was always creepily lurking around corners with his deodorant wand and ready to pounce when he was needed. On paper this sounded like an absolutely AWFUL idea, but add in that insidiously catchy jingle (Clint Black’s “Chicken of the Sea”, you’ve been served!) and a truly funny 30-second commercial and I’ll be damned once again if I didn’t think it was a great little commercial. My greatest hope is that Scottie Pippen will be best known as the Funky Godfather from here on out (and not as the sidekick for that Jordan guy). As soon as I heard the words “funky godfather” I KNEW they were going to dress Pippen up as a pimp.

Unfortunately for the women, it was a three-pronged task and, though they won the 30-second spot handily, they lost on the 10-second online ad (they mailed it in by re-using footage from the 30-second commercial) and in brand integration. The commercial also missed its intended target audience. I actually happen to agree with Holly that it’d be smart to market to the moms who actually buy the stuff, but the executives wanted ads that appealed to young boys (basketballs to the stomach/groin ALWAYS work) and that’s what she should’ve given them.

Basically, the women lost because of Holly. Trump announced that he wouldn’t fire Sharon because she was sick and that Cyndi was untouchable because she was away for most of the task. (I actually think both should’ve been fair game.) That left Holly no choice but to bring Maria and Selita back to the boardroom.

Maria was brought back because of some minor technical issue in the commercial that didn’t really matter, but it was something Holly could attack her for. Maria, to her credit brought the fight right back to Holly. Selita was brought back to the boardroom because, while George was checking up on Team Tenacity, Selita sat on her ass and didn’t help carry props into the studio for the commercial shoot. That faux pas (and her unwillingness to fight and yell and scream for her place on this absurd show) got her fired.

I’m conflicted. The women lost because of Holly so she deserved to go home. Holly was kind of a bitch (getting jealous about the fact that Cyndi wanted to help make her vocals on the jingle a little better? She’s Cyndi Freakin’ Lauper!!), so I WANTED her to go home. However, Selita seemed totally uninterested and Holly is probably a stronger player and will make for more interesting TV. So to summarize, Holly deserved to go home, I wanted her to go home, but I’m ok with her staying. HUH?!

As if that weren’t puzzling enough, we had Michael Johnson quitting the game prior to the boardroom due to “personal reasons.” I wish I could say I’ll miss him, but Michael Johnson is the recipient of this year’s Clint Black Award, presented to the celebrity surprisingly revealed to be kind of a prick thanks to this show. So, I guess everybody wins!

So what’d you think of this episode? Did the right person go home? Are Portland fans upset that Drexler didn’t wear Trail Blazers gear? Finally, how hilariously inappropriate was it when Trump asked Michael Johnson if he was having trouble in his marriage?

Project Runway: Mr. Trampoline Man

And then there were three.

But before we got there, we had to go through one of the more hit-or-miss episodes in any season of “Project Runway” – the one where Tim visits each of the finalists in their hometown.

Fortunately, this one was a hit.

A non-pregnant Heidi Klum (every time the show takes a break she alternates between being pregnant and not being knocked up) gave each of the four finalists $9,000 and sent them on their way.

Tim’s first stop – Seth Aaron’s Washington state home – was a doozy. Not only was there genuine, fascinating drama related to Seth Aaron’s collection, but we got to see Tim Gunn (attempt to) jump on a trampoline!

Back to the clothes. The insanely prolific Seth Aaron had created 15 pieces for his 10-piece collection, and they were very much “Seth Aaron.” Tim Gunn’s blunt assessment – their predictability would keep Seth Aaron from winning – was pretty shocking, as was Tim’s request that he reconceptualize. Seth Aaron seemed taken aback, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he was somehow able to create two outfits while Tim was incorrectly guessing that a stethoscope was a fallopian tube during a spirited game of Pictionary with SA’s family. On top of that, it was a kick to see all of Seth Aaron’s different hairstyles (including shaved head).

The rest of the visits couldn’t really measure up in terms of entertainment value, but they were far from snoozefests.

We just knew Tim and Emilio would bump heads over SOMETHING. And here was Tim once again questioning Emilio’s use of a customized print and telling him his clothes looked too old. As was the case last week during the circus challenge, Emilio openly and vehemently disagreed with Tim, but then went ahead and made significant changes anyway. (He told us when he arrived in New York that his collection was not the one Tim had seen.)

Need more proof that these two don’t like each other. Check out the moment when all four finalists return to New York. Tim hugs three of them – guess which one he shares a courteous handshake with.

After that, Tim headed back to the left coast to visit Mila in Los Angeles and Jay in San Francisco, and to check up on their progress as they competed for the third spot in Bryant Park.

You’re not going to believe this, but Mila’s mod/black and white aesthetic transcends her fashion and extends to her boyfriend, her parents and her dogs (of course Ziggy is a Dalmatian!) As for the clothes, she claimed to be inspired by shadows, but Tim had concerns that it looked too matronly and the fact that it was basically a black and white line. I didn’t agree with the matronly part, but I DID wish Mila had thrown in some sort of twist.

Jay, on the other hand, was inspired by “Japanese samurai” (as opposed to Cuban samurai). To be honest, I didn’t really see how the theme manifested itself in the clothes (even Jay didn’t seem too tied to his theme), but I kind of dug his collection anyway. Unfortunately, Tim thought it bordered on student work. At least Jay got off the line of the night. After Tim called his work “cuckoo”, Jay dubbed himself “Cuckoo Chanel.” (Wordplay!)

In a shocking coincidence that wasn’t at all set up by the producers, competitors/nemeses Jay and Mila arrived first and were forced to share an awkward few moment. Fortunately, they used the time to sit down and have a sensible conversation about their issues. (If only the girls on this cycle of “Top Model” would follow suit.) Jay and Mila will never be besties, but they at least seemed to agree that they’ll stop saying horrible things about each other in confessionals. Also, I still have absolutely no idea why they hated each other so much.

Coming into this episode, I thought Mila had the third spot at Bryant Park in the bag and, for Jay to snatch it, he’d have to beat her by A LOT.

Well, in my opinion, he only beat Mila by a little, so she ended up getting the nod anyway.

Mila’s clothes were stylish (in a reliable, evergreen way) and impeccably made, but Jay’s designs were funkier and more exciting. Jay seemed to have Michael Kors in his corner, while Heidi was pushing for Mila, with Nina Garcia of all people on the fence.

So now we have an Emilio, Seth Aaron and Mila in the finals. Although Mila REALLY seemed to run out of gas toward the end, I believe these are the three designers who deserved to make it to the finals based on their work throughout the entire season. (If Maya hadn’t walked away, I’d happily give her Mila’s slot.)

So what’d you think of this episode? Where did Lifetime dig up that “gritty” 70’s footage of the Bronx for Tim’s visit with Emilio? Why did the designers specifically get $9,000 for their lines? (Couldn’t they bump that up to 10K? Was the remaining money used to pay for that Bronx footage?) What will Seth Aaron’s hair look like next year? Finally, who do you think should and will win? (I know the odds are stacked in Emilio’s favor, but I’m feeling AND wanting a Seth Aaron victory.)