NFL 2011 Week 4 Picks

Remember that completely disgusting and tasteless book O.J. Simpson wrote called “If I Did It”, where he “hypothetically” described the murders of ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman?

Well, not to go even a little “O.J.” on you, but since I was out of town and away from the Internet last week and didn’t do my Week 3 NFL picks, allow me to present a brief version of “If I Picked Them.”

Obviously, I could give myself a 16-0 record for week 3 (and you’d have no way to prove me wrong), but the reality is I would’ve gone 10-6. My six losses would’ve come from Bills over Pats, Giants over Eagles, Ravens over Rams (I thought the Rams would wake up at home…still waiting for them to wake up), Raiders over Jets, Seahawks over Cardinals and Browns over Dolphins. (What? I actually thought Miami could win a game once they got out of Miami.)

That brings my season record to (a party hypothetical) 30-18. Let’s jump right into this week’s picks.

DETROIT @ DALLAS

I think Dallas’ offense will be a lot better than they were during the Monday Night football kicking contest against the Redskins, but I still think they’re too banged up to beat the surging Lions. (You’re damn right I just said “surging Lions”!)

CAROLINA @ CHICAGO

Most of the talk around the Bears so far has focused on their inability to defend QB Jay Cutler. It seems like precisely the right time for their defense and special teams to carry them to a win.

BUFFALO @ CINCINNATI

I like the Bills (like everyone else) but his has letdown game written all over it. The Bills are coming off their biggest win in almost a decade and they have to go on the road to face a team that laid an egg last week. No thanks.

TENNESSEE @ CLEVELAND

If Chris Johnson (pictured, left) had been around for preseason, he probably would’ve played three games. Let’s call Weeks 1-3 his preseason…it’s time to start playing for real.

MINNESOTA @ KANSAS CITY

The Chiefs actually showed signs of life last week for the first time all year, while the Vikings keep finding new and not-so-exciting ways to blow huge leads.

WASHINGTON @ ST. LOUIS

I’m riding sad, decrepit Rams bandwagon until the thing tumbles off a cliff.

NEW ORLEANS @ JACKSONVILLE

The Saints tend to struggle a bit against crappy teams on the road, but they should be able to handle the Jags.

PITTSBURGH @ HOUSTON

Ugh…I hate trying to pick this game. Houston lost last week against the first good team they played all year, but they acquitted themselves nicely against the Saints. Or did they? (Blowing a lead several times isn’t really encouraging.) Meanwhile, the Steelers struggled more than they really should have against the Colts. I’m calling that their wake-up call and saying they handle the Texans.

SAN FRANCISCO @ PHILADELPHIA

I’m more sure that the Eagles will win than I am whether or not Michael Vick will actually finish this game. (Philly doesn’t need him to beat the Niners at home.)

N.Y. GIANTS @ ARIZONA

The Giants looked great last week, but Arizona is a sneakily hard place to play. I’m going with New York until the Cards can prove to me that they’re not a complete mess.

ATLANTA @ SEATTLE

Seattle is another tough place to play, but I just can’t pick Tarvaris Jackson to win two games in a row. Sorry.

MIAMI @ SAN DIEGO

If Tony Sparano hasn’t updated his resume, he really should.

NEW ENGLAND @ OAKLAND

I’d be more inclined to pick the Patriots if Oakland hadn’t had that splashy win against the Jets last week (and if the Patriots weren’t coming in pissed from having lost to the Bills). The Pats will bounce back and win.

DENVER @ GREEN BAY

This feels like the week that Green Bay just completely kicks someone’s ass. (Finally.)

N.Y. JETS @ BALTIMORE

Each team has had its ups and downs, and we’re only in week 4! I’m taking the Ravens because I’m not encouraged by the Jets’ ability to stop the run after Darren McFadden ran wild all over them.

INDIANAPOLIS @ TAMPA BAY

Are you ready for some garbage?! (On the plus side, I finally get to watch a Bucs home game on TV.)