Glee: The Beat Goes On

I swear I was going to stop watching “Glee.” (Apparently, plenty of other people did.)

After a frequently terrible second season and a summer full of turmoil (main members are leaving…no, they’re staying…but Chord Overstreet’s Sam is leaving…we’re developing a Rachel/Kurt spin-off…no we’re not…we’re inflicting a 3D movie on you…that bombed!) I seriously considered just giving up on the show.

As you can tell by the fact that you’re about to read my recap of last night’s season premiere, I caved because I HATE giving up on shows. (Plus, I was home by myself at 8 p.m. and there was nothing else to do.)

So what’s the verdict? The show is pretty much unwatchable if you’re a stickler for continuity and common sense…and yet it did just enough to have me tune in next week. (And not just for the promise of some Idina Menzel.)

The third season picked up at the start of a new school year with the “Glee” club having lost three members following their 12th place finish at Nationals. We’re supposed to buy that students at McKinley High (who we’ve been led to believe barely acknowledge that glee club exists) care enough to be humiliated that they finished outside the top 10 at Nationals. (Make up your mind, Glee!)

Lauren quit the club over the embarrassment at Nationals, Quinn is gone because she’s in the middle of a rebellious phase following her breakup with Finn (and because the writers had to do SOMETHING with her after failing to follow through on the major threats she made in the previous season finale). Meanwhile, Chord Overstreet is gone (and his budding romance with Mercedes squashed) because of the schizophrenic impulses of the people who run “Glee.” Mercedes now has a new boyfriend named Marcus, who is the exact physical opposite of Chord Overstreet.

As a result, Mr. Schuester introduced the Purple Piano Project. To recruit new singers, Will randomly placed pianos across campus (a lot easier than it sounds, apparently) and glee club members were supposed to burst into song whenever they saw one.

One of the few people who responded was Sugar Motta, whose father donated the pianos. Yes, her terrible audition was funny, but I was more intrigued by the idea that goody-goody Will may have to make some cruel cuts if he wants to win Nationals. (And with Rachel, Kurt and Finn moving on after this year, if there any way they don’t win Nationals?) By the way, is Sugar really that much of a worse singer than Lauren or dancing machine Mike Chang?

I was also intrigued by the idea of Sugar (Vanessa Lengies) as a potential antagonist for the glee club since, as I’ve mentioned many times before, I’m completely over the character of Sue Sylvester.

Even lines and bits that are objectively funny (like her tearing up a piano and claiming that “Chopsticks” was Tina and Mike’s national anthem) barely register anymore because we’ve seen her be so redundantly cruel to the glee club for so long.

I’m also sick of seeing her go head-to-head with Will. I mean, do we really need another scene with Will bursting into Principal Figgins’ office and bitching about something Sue just did? I also thought Will’s glitter bombing of Sue was just weird and pointless.

The only thing I like less than seeing Will and Sue go head to head is delving into Mr. Schue’s sex life. Apparently, Will and Emma are having the same issues she had with Dr. Carl. All I know is that I’ll hear Mr. Schue asking Emma “Guess who woke up just before I did?” in my nightmares.

But enough about the horrible adults. I like the show established that it’s the final year in high school for Rachel, Finn, Kurt and Mike (but who cares about Mike), and I particularly liked the notion that Rachel and Kurt got knocked down a peg or two. (They were already planning their Tony acceptance speeches.)

Meanwhile, it seems like Quinn’s phase will be more of a short-term issue (Shelby comes back with the baby Quinn gave up for adoption) while I’m not quite sure what to make of what’s happening with Santana yet. Last night she got booted out of the glee club for destroying one of the purple pianos, but I was pretty sure that Quinn’s cigarette actually ignited the fire. Then again, Sanatana didn’t deny it. Anyway, we can all pretty much guess she’s going to be back in the club eventually, so I guess it just depends on how long the show wants to drag this out. (Hopefully, very soon since Naya Rivera was one of the show’s few bright spots last year.)

Meanwhile, Artie and Puck didn’t get a damn thing to do and Britney is working on a time machine. Seems as good a time as any to get to the musical performances.

“We Got the Beat”…B+: Like one of Quinn’s fellow Skanks, I prefer “The Bangles.” The musical number itself was fine, with the ambitious choreography outshining the music. The contrast from the rest of the student’s indifference bumped it up half a letter grade for me.

“Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead”…C: Maybe it was SUPPOSED to be totally underwhelming given what was about to happen to Rachel and Kurt later on in the episode.

“It’s Not Unusual”…A-: Blaine’s arrival at McKinley (it’s easier than I thought to switch schools once class has started) was pure unadulterated, well, glee. (Even if the song choice was a little out of left field.) Double word score for throwing in the Carlton dance.

“Anything Goes”…A: Lindsay Pearce of “The Glee Project” headed and absolutely killed this number, which was so good Erica and I wondered if these people were part of a real Broadway cast. On top of the great musical performance, the frozen/polite smiles on Rachel and Kurt’s faces (followed immediately by the cut to them crying in their car while it rained) were fantastic.

“You Can’t Stop the Beat”…B: Bookended the episode’s first performance nicely, but other than that a pretty standard end-of-the-episode performance. Mostly noteworthy for the longing look on Quinn’s face as she watched her former club-mates.

So what’d you think of this episode? Are Emma’s brochures the funniest ongoing sneaky gag on this show? (The proposed Rachel/Kurt spinoff should be called “Me and My Hag.”) Will Sue be able to stay ahead of “Anyone White” in the Congressional race? Is toast as redundant as Becky suggested? Finally, Sugar Motta…Sunshine Corazon…Coach Beiste? We need to have an intervention for whoever is in charge of naming new characters because they’re clearly addicted to crack.