Desperate Housewives: Going Green (with envy)

Last night's episode of "Desperate Housewives" continued to capitalize on this season's creative resurgence by incorporating (most of) the housewives into a storyline and moving along the season's central mystery.

It seems Dave REALLY wants Mike to join his and Tom's garage band, even at the expense of dismissing the awesome shredding skills of Donald the accountant. In fact, it's looking like Dave's sole reason for starting this band is to get close to Mike. How else to explain Dave buying Mary Alice's old house and secretly renting it to Mike at a rock-bottom price?

Because of his apparent fixation on Mike (pictured, right), it's looking more and more like the prevalent theory out there — Dave is related to the woman killed by Mike and Susan in that car crash — will eventually come true. In the meantime, I'm still enjoying Neal McDonough do his charming/menacing thing. This week he was clearly on the "menacing" side of the coin, yelling at Edie out of frustration and getting in Tom's face about rejecting Donald. Hopefully, he won't forget to take his crazy pills again.

Of course, Mike's return to Wisteria Lane means he'll be around for more of M.J.'s precious childhood moments. If you ask me, wittle M.J. is a wittle TOO precious, but his storyline allowed Mike and, especially, Susan to display something not usually seen in their relationship — maturity.

The episode started with the unveiling of M.J.'s artwork, where Mike was but an insignificant bug in the background while Susan and Jackson frolicked together. That prompted Mike to get M.J. a bike, but it also led to conflict M.J. begged Jackson to teach him how to ride and Susan's boyfriend obliged. Susan, as usual, did something so absurd as to make us question why anyone would let her have kids. This week it was forcing M.J. to fall of his bike for Mike's sake — I'm surprised she didn't kick him over. Still, I was pleased to see her act like the mature one, when she explained to Mike that their divorce meant he'd be missing things like teaching his son how to ride a bike.

I could definitely see both sides of their predicament — just like I could see both sides of Bree's predicament with her increasingly envious friends.

I've been critical of the show recently for making Bree too much of a power bitch at work at the expense of her friends and marriage. So on a week where her professional success grew larger than ever (the cookbook came out, she was named Businesswoman of the Year), I expected her to grow even more insufferable.

Instead, the writers showed us just how lonely Bree is at the top, alienated from her ex-con husband and her homemaker friends, particularly Lynette, who resents the fact that Bree is where Lynette was before, as a high-powered businesswoman.

For the second week in a row, I felt like Lynette came off as way too harsh (did she REALLY have to use earplugs during her husband's band practice). Also, the scene where she drunkenly embarrassed herself at Bree's award dinner after her idea had been rejected in favor of her former assistant's had its funny moments, but was too over the top. Felicity Huffman is a brilliant actress, but I didn't buy her being drunk (the way I bought her being high last year). She was acting the way people think they should act when they're drunk. Fortunately, the scene where she apologized made up for it, and it was nice to see Bree show her vulnerable side.

The problems with her friends appear insignificant compared to the trouble she's having with Orson, who'd been hiding the fact that he lost his job due to his criminal past. After suggesting that he join his wife's company, he was shot down. (Katherine's overly harsh reaction is an indicator that Dana Delaney needs more to do this year — she didn't want Orson horning in on the half-storyline she barely has.)

Orson moved out of their bedroom, until Bree gave in and let him become a partner. When he was being ignored by Bree a few episodes ago, I was squarely on Orson's side, but last night I was a bit disappointed that Bree gave in and let him become a partner (I think those two working together is a terrible idea). Either way, I appreciate this kind of balance between the two characters.

I'm not exactly sure that a show that's already a comedy needs comic relief, but Gabby, Carlos and Juanita sure provided last night. The couple got caught trying out blind sex in front of Juanita and, instead of lying like all good parents should, told the FOUR-YEAR-OLD about the birds and the bees. Unfortunately, Juanita decided to share that information with her spinning playmate Bethany, who started shouting about "intercourse" and "sperm." In the end, Juanita's playdates (and Gabby and Carolos' alone time) was ruined after Carlos revealed that ***SPOILER ALERT*** there is no Santa Claus ***END OF SPOILER ALERT ***. This was funny stuff (Juanita is a delightful pain in the ass) and a welcome break from the Solis' usual, pseudo-poignant, "learning how to cope with being poor" trap they've been stuck in the last few weeks.

So what'd you think of this episode? What will Dave, Tom and Mike call their band? (The Wistericals?) Do you think Lynette will go back to work? Finally, what do you think we'll learn from next week's episode, which will help fill the five-year gap?

Conflict of Interest: Steve Slaton edition

This week's conflict of interest is Steve Slaton (pictured, left), the first-year Texans running back who will be in the running for offensive rookie of the year (if Atlanta QB Matt Ryan completely goes in the tank).

I own Slaton (I KNOW it sounds weird) in my NFL league, but my opponent has him in my Yahoo league matchup. I'm going to tempt the (fantasy) football gods again by saying that I think I have an easier matchup in my NFL league, which I hope to win even if Slaton doesn't have a great game. Meanwhile, in my Yahoo league I'm playing another owner who's at 4-2. Presently, he's 3^rd overall and I'm 4^th overall in a 10-team league where only the top four get in the playoffs. I want that win to stay in prime playoff position.

So I want Slaton to have an average-to-bad game. Unfortunately, he's playing the awful-to-bad Lions, so my hopes aren't too high.

Dream statline: 16 carries, 57 yards and 4 catches for 28 yards and 1 TD in win against the Lions.

NFL 2008 Week 7 Picks

Last week had more than its fair share of exciting finishes in the NFL. By contrast, my pick percentage was boring, as I went right down the middle with my picks (7-7 week, 49-39 overall).

Let's see if I can either bust out this week or crash and burn. Either one should be interesting.

SAN DIEGO @ BUFFALO

I just haven't been a big believer in the Bills this year (and they finally got clobbered by Arizona last time out), while the Chargers seem to be finding their stride. So why am I picking the Bills? Besides West Coast teams being winless when they play at 1 p.m. on the East Coast, I just think Buffalo is bigger and stronger and will beat San Diego up a bit. (Also, I'll take any chance I get to tweak the Chargers' fans, who kinda hate me.)

MINNESOTA @ CHICAGO

I don't think I can remember being less impressed by a team that has won its last two games than I've been with the Vikings last two victories (the fluky Monday Night Football win over the Saints and a total garbage team against the Lions). I'll take the Bears, assuming they don't find a way to lose THIS one at the last minute.

PITTSBURGH @ CINCINNATI

If there's any way things can get worse for the Bengals (0-6, no Carson Palmer, no running game), I'm all ears.

TENNESSEE @ KANSAS CITY

If there's any way things can get worse for the Chiefs (unhappy Tony Gonzalez, no Larry Johnson, Brodie Croyle, pictured right, back at QB), I'm all ears.

DALLAS @ ST. LOUIS (upset!)

I'm actually picking the Rams ASSUMING Tony Romo plays. I think if he plays with his injured pinkie, he'll make mistakes that could cost his team the game (whereas Brad Johnson's steadier play would lead the talented Cowboys to a win). I also like the fire the Rams are playing with lately. I mean, they're still awful, but at least they have FIRE.

BALTIMORE @ MIAMI

So did you hear how Ravens head coach John Harbaugh was talking smack about how his current assistant Cam Cameron did a great job considering "what he had to work with" when he coached the Dolphins to a 1-15 record last year. Oh snap! I don't think I've ever been less interested in smack talk.

SAN FRANCISCO @ N.Y. GIANTS

So people sprained their ankles jumping off the Giants bandwagon after their embarrassing loss on Monday Night Football, but they'll be able to handle the Niners.

NEW ORLEANS @ CAROLINA

This is actually one of the more important games of the weekend. The NFC South rivals face off in an important division game (no team in the NFC South has a losing record). I'm going with the Saints because I think they're a little better on defense (at least against the run) than people think, and I'm still remembering how terrible Carolina looked last weekend. Also, Drew Brees is single-handedly MAKING my fantasy season.

DETROIT @ HOUSTON

If there's any way things can get worse for the Lions (0-5, traded away their second best receiver, starting QB out for the season, head coach has to hold a press conference to say he's NOT quitting) I'm all ears. They're officially the worst team in the league.

N.Y. JETS @ OAKLAND (upset!)

I don't know, but I'm just feeling like the Jets are feeling a little TOO good about themselves right now. They're due for a letdown.

INDIANAPOLIS @ GREEN BAY

They're baaaaacck.

CLEVELAND @ WASHINGTON

I think Cleveland kinda caught the Giants napping on Monday night, while the Skins were caught napping themselves against the Rams. Assuming both teams are awake at kickoff I'm going with the Redskins.

SEATTLE @ TAMPA BAY

I really want to apologize to Seattle for leaving them out of "Worst team in the league" talk so far. They're AWFUL.

DENVER @ NEW ENGLAND

Denver can't stop anybody, but the Patriots looked downright pathetic last Sunday night in San Diego. I'm betting the Pats come up with a way to somewhat contain Jay Cutler and the Broncos, while the Broncos will still be terrible on defense.

Project Runway Rundown: And the Winner Is...

"Maybe I should have improved my attitude."

And with that quote Kenley perfectly summed up how everyone else felt about her.

I'm not saying her horrible attitude (considerably toned down in the finale for the most part) is the reason she didn't win. Still, when she found out that Tim Gunn, who she repeatedly disrespected to his face and behind his back, would take a big part in deciding her fate, you could practically hear the karma gods laughing. Maybe Kenley can look up the concept while she's also studying up on the work of other fashion designers so she doesn't accidentally rip them off.

As with most "Project Runway" finales, the episodes themselves aren't terribly interesting.

Highlights included one last Kenley mini-tantrum when Tim suggested she NOT use the Alexander McQueen rip off of a wedding dress as her signature piece. (Even better was Tim's "it's your funeral" facial reaction afterward.) In a shocking moment of clarity, Kenley eventually conceded Tim's point and chose a different piece.

The rest of the first half of the episode consisted of everyone at home wondering if former "America's Next Top Model" contestants would show up, hair and make-up consults that always make me zone out and Leann's model's dog pooping in the workroom. Obviously, they were desperate for time.

As far as the collections went, Korto made what seemed like a crazy choice when she decided to make TWO new looks. Each designer had to remove two of their twelve looks for the Bryant Park show, and Korto, not satisfied with the judges' reaction to her work last week, decided to start from scratch somewhat. I thought it was a crazy move, but it was also wise. Most of all, it was damn impressive that she could whip something up so quickly and so well.

You've probably noticed that I haven't mentioned Leann (other than in the context of dog poop). That's because she sailed to victory as much as a contestant could possibly sail to victory. The worse the judges could say about her collection is worrying about whether she would be pigeonholed as a petal designer (what the hell's wrong with that?!)

Seriously though, Leann's line was absolutely cohesive, expertly structured (as usual) and included the more variety in garments (pants, gown, skirts, etc.)

That being said, I liked Korto's a little better. I felt Korto's line was more characteristic of who she is as a designer and was also clearly cohesive without being overly matchy-matchy (like Leann's). The knock against it would be her dress-heavy line didn't have nearly as much variety as Leann's, but I still liked Korto's style better and, coupled with her backstory (as opposed to Leann, who's a little boring), I thought the judges would give her the win.

Kenley's line, inspired by "Alice in Wonderland" was, for the second week in a row, her best work of the season. Unfortunately for her, for the second week in a row, it was a little too reminiscent of someone else's work.

Still, her collection popped more than Korto and Leann's and her theme came across very strongly. This season's "Runway" (rightfully) took a lot of flack, so it was nice to see the top 3 bring their A-game. In the end, Kenley's line was very good — but still only good enough for third best.

So what'd you think of this episode? How lame is it that there wasn't a reunion episode? Which former contestant were you happiest to see? Why would a busted foot keep one from judging a fashion contest? Finally, will you follow the show to Lifetime (If it does end up there)?

Thanks for reading and I'll see you in a few months!

The Shield: Two-Man Job

Well that didn’t take too long.

It certainly didn’t take too long for Shane to come up with a plan to retaliate after his fellow Strike Team members’ arranged to have him murdered. Unsurprisingly, his plan appears to be a poor man’s version of Vic’s set up (really Shane? A single pimp's apprentice named Two-Man?). What WAS surprising is Shane’s apparent target.

I guess the one thing Shane does have over Vic at this point is a cohesive family unit, as he assured his wife Mara that he had a plan to take care of the problem, said a sweet goodbye to his son Jackson and went about the business of figuring out a way to arrange the deaths of his two closest friends.

Vic’s family, on the other hand, is in shambles (are we even sure Cassidy’s still alive?) — so obviously, now’s the perfect time to add a baby son to the mix! At first, I felt like Vic’s insistence in remaining a presence in baby Lee’s life was purely selfish. Now I just think it’s MOSTLY selfish. Sure, Vic wants a do-over and a chance to raise at least one of his kids properly, but his speech to Danny about a son needing a father figure in his life was pretty convincing. Too bad Danny had already packed her bags and apparently decided to leave town with Lee. That was a genuinely surprising little twist that was well played by both actors, especially in the way Catherine Dent made sure Vic didn’t come into her house.

Even if Vic DID get another crack at raising a kid, there really isn’t too much evidence that he would do a better job. If there’s one thing we’ve learned about Vic over the course of six and a half seasons is that he’s probably gone too far down the abyss to ever come back out into the light. Part of the reason is that he’s stubborn to a fault and set in his irredeemable ways no matter what attempts he makes to change.

For example, as soon as prostitute Farrah showed up (the first time we’d seen her since season 3’s “Bottom Bitch”, which echoed this episode’s title, “Bitches Brew”), we knew Vic would end up helping her, no matter how many demeaning insults he hurled her way (though Vic’s language was particularly salty last night). We also knew that Farrah would end up manipulating Vic and the Strike Team to kill her abusive pimp. Of course, if the show weren’t ending this year and Farrah showed up again, he’d probably help her out again.

My favorite part of this storyline was watching Walton Goggins convey Shane’s tentativeness in working with Vic on another case. He seemed convinced that every time he and Vic opened a door or turned a corner, someone would be waiting to gun him down (can you blame him?) In the end, Shane enlisted the help of Two-Man, a suspect Ronnie took his Shane-centered aggression out on, to take out Ronnie, making it look like a simple case of pay back. I find it interesting that Shane targeted Ronnie (pictured, left) — we, the audience know that Ronnie has been a lot more gung-ho about eliminating Shane than Vic, but Shane doesn’t know that.

Meanwhile, with the Armenian/Mexican gang war over, Aceveda turned in the blackmail box to Immigration and Customs Enforcement (minus Agt. Murray’s file). Unfortunately, they had Vic on a surveillance video talking with Pezuela cronie Armando Rios and reamed him for sitting on the blackmail box for too long. That didn’t do Vic any favors during his review, where he found out he’d be off the job in 10 days (and had more salty language for his PBA rep).

Fortunately, (as usual) Vic had a plan. After foiling an I.C.E. raid and frustrating them, he convinced them to let him have the box so he could turn it into Pezuela, get closer to him and use it to bring him down. Of course, to make the box seem complete, the info on Agt. Murray had to go back in. That might buy Vic more time on the job (since he rejected Claudette’s cold offer to clean out his locker immediately), but, to me, the Pezuela storyline has lost some heat since the war with the Armenians is over.

Then again, if Vic ends up getting expelled from the police force, he could always go into home security. That’s what Lester, back from his douche-ish outing (“If you think he did something s---ty, he probably did.”) from last season’s episode that also featured Carl Weathers as Vic’s mentor. Turns out Lester and his new partner were behind a series of breaking and entering crimes to drum up interest for their security business. In the end, Lester came out relatively clean (as Vic probably would have) after selling out his partner.

I thought the Dutch and Billings dynamic was also interesting. After imploring his partner to be more present last week, Billings delivered. The character hasn’t been changed radically (he’s still pushing his vending machine scam), but he did just enough (not complaining too much when Dutch went after an ex-cop) to let Dutch solve the case.

More interesting, of course, was the Claudette and Dutch dynamic, which was terrific, as always. Dutch ended up breaking into Claudette’s house after believing she was in danger, and found her house to be a complete mess (which is different than a hot mess). I LOVE that Dutch wasn’t too shy to hire her a cleaning lady AND that Claudette wasn’t too proud to accept one. We haven’t seen her take a swan dive down the stairs lately, but it’s obvious the job is taking a serious toll on her. It makes me wonder whether she or Vic will be the last one standing at the Barn.

So what’d you think of this episode? Are you surprised Shane’s going after Ronnie instead of Vic? Will Julien be in any sort of real trouble after killing Bombay? Does any other law enforcement agency have a cooler acronym than I.C.E.? Finally, have we seen the last of Danny and will Vic hire a P.I. to find her the way he hired one to find Corrine and the kids after she left him at the end of the first season?

Dancing with the Stars: Acting the Part

Last night, on "Dancing with the Stars" we learned that next week the remaining couples will each be performing one of four new dances: the salsa, Jitterbug, Hustle and West Coast Swing.

Despite the fact that I'd probably take the Hustle out of there, I'm really looking forward to seeing some new dances on display in the ballroom. Of course, that left this week's dances to contend with.

Unfortunately, we've hit that lull in the season where most of the terrible people are gone, but there are enough left that the real competition hasn't begun. It's also the time, as Carrie Ann constantly reminded everyone, where the judges start looking for sharper performances and technique, despite the fact that it's still a tad early for that since the stars haven't performed any dance more than once.

Although I'm no fan of his dancing, I thought it was ice cold to announce that Rocco would've been the person sent home had there been an elimination last week. So thanks to Misty May Treanor's ruptured Achilles, he's still around.

I would like to say he took advantage of his extra opportunity, but his dancing was as bad during his samba as it's ever been. At least his pink sleeves were poofier than ever. Not even his mom could whip him into shape.

He was even caught in the leaderboard by Cloris, who decided to give a real effort this week and was rewarded by the judges (unlike two weeks ago when they dissed her decent paso doble). Of course, there's no way her tango was really a 22, but she's in her freakin' 80's so I'll let it slide. She and Rocco are in a tie for last place on the two-week leaderboard, so one of them is almost certainly going home. I'm going with Rocco because I can remember almost nothing from his dance other than the sleeves.

By contrast, I finally remembered a Maurice Green performance. The judges slammed his lack of precision, but I found his enjoyable samba my favorite dance of his by far — and only 20% of that had to do with his and Cheryl's afro wigs. On the other hand, Warren took a swan dive after an uninspired samba routine with Kym, whose choreography was lacking in moves from the big man. In fact, Warren most impressive move was that handstand he pulled off in capoeira classes.

While Warren struggled, Cody got sent to the principal's office. Well, the principal came to him via videoconference call. We get it — he's really young and a spaz. What's next? Are they going to have him licking an oversized lollipop while wearing a schoolboy's uniform next week to convey how young he is? Anyway, his tango was solid and controlled, if unspectacular. I was slightly more impressed by Julianne's pants and the song they danced to.

The big breakthrough this week was Lance finally cashing in on his promise, catapulting to second overall in the standings and getting unanimous praise from the judges. Lance and Lacey were finally able to fuse their desire to think outside the box with the judges' desire to have them perform proper ballroom moves in a tango to "Disturbia" as far as I can tell Lance's contributions to the dance included the "Bye Bye Bye" puppet moves at the beginning and the part at the end where he pretended to break Lacey's neck. How helpful!

More fun was Susan and Tony's appearance. I mean, their tango was ok and Susan finally channeled a bit more of the badass personality (even if her dancing remained dainty). I'm talking about Tony's awesome cameo as a bruised guy on crutches on "All My Children." FAN-freakin'-TASTIC. So many questions — how did he get hurt? A motorcycle accident? A ruptured Achilles tendon? It could be anything?

Meanwhile, Toni Braxton's was ok. I like that her partner Alec has her dancing a lot (samba roll!), and I LOVED his backward split through her legs at the end, but she wasn't fluid enough and appeared to bounce WAY too much.

This was especially apparent after you watched Brooke Burke's samba. While Len didn't care for the excessive gimmickry in their performance (he especially had it in for Derek's glasses), the dancing was spot on, as it has all season. Brooke (pictured, right) has dominated the leaderboard every week, so why doesn't she feel like a clear frontrunner. Is it the questionable size of her fan base? (I mean, how many people out there outside of her many kids are voting for her?) I don't know, but it just feels like she should be a stronger favorite to win than she is.

So what'd you think of this episode? Who was the better actor? Tony on "All My Children" or Mark Ballas on "Samantha Who?" Weren't you glad they shelved that "winner, winner, chicken dinner" thing, if just for a week? Finally, who do you have going home?

Heroes: Who's Pulling the Strings

After last week's disaster, there was nowhere to go but up, right?

Even if that weren't the case, I think last night's episode, "Angels and Monsters," (I guess they feared a Dan Brown lawsuit if they went with "Angels and Demons") would've stood on its own as one of the show's finer hours.

Sure, "Heroes" is still far from perfect (what show is perfect anyway), but the more important realization I came to recently is that I should stop expecting it to be "good." When the show began, it certainly had the potential to be "good" (even "very good"), but two and a quarter seasons of gaping plot holes, questionable logic and dropped characters (I guess Irish Caitlin is still in that one alternate future that was averted) have taken the show too far off the rails for it to ever be taken seriously.

Of course, that doesn't mean that the show and its talented cast and (occasionally) talented writers can't deliver one hell of a fun hour of entertainment.

And last night, did just that, answering a few of this season's burning questions. As an extra added bonus, we even got a few fleeting moments of honest-to-goodness emotion and human drama. This was largely a result of the show narrowing its focus and (finally) weaving several characters' stories together, resulting in less-scattered episodes.

I continue to be impressed by the honest moments in Nathan and Tracy's storyline amidst a show that features one character inexplicably attacking a drug dealer in the middle of broad daylight in a busy park and dragging his bleeding body home.

I hadn't been a big fan of the religious rhetoric Nathan had been spouting ever since he survived the assassination attempt and was fed to him by the Linderman vision. So, after his and Tracy's visit to Angela to confront her about Dr. Zimmerman, it was a real blow to him (and the audience) for him to find out he had been created in a lab, just like Tracy. It was such a letdown for him that he barely addressed the fact that his parents had made him "special" because he wasn't born special enough.

Of course, the big reveal in the episode is that the vision of Linderman was created by Maury Parkman (should've seen THAT one coming), who is working for Nathan, Peter (and Sylar's) surprisingly-alive dad, Arthur Petrelli. Then again, it would've been a little more surprising if NBC hadn't teased his appearance relentlessly all week. By convincing Nathan his gift was a gift from God, Arthur ensured that Nathan would stay quiet about people with abilities.

We can also presume Arthur is the force behind snatching both halves of the formula from the Company for his own rival Pinehearst Industries. Apparently, he is the force behind a future where most everyone has abilities. Whereas the Company seems content to lock away or eliminate people with dangerous abilities, Arthur and Pinehearst seems content to let them run free and rule the world.

Since Arthur will be played by "Jackie Brown"s Robert Forster, I'm looking forward to seeing and hearing more about his plans next time out. The Linderman vision also appeared to Daphne and implored her to put together a team of baddies, including Knox, Adam Monroe, Hiro and Parkman (who mercifully took a break from his spirit quest this week).

After a clever scene where Hiro convinced Adam to help them locate the formula (loved the camera tricks with the coffin) Adam took them to a "Specials Bar" (huh!) which was like the Cantina in Star Wars. While there, Knox grabbed Adam and convinced Hiro to kill Ando if he wanted to join the bad guy team (and possibly get to the formula). The moment where Hiro stabs Ando failed because he appeared to do it with little-to-no hesitation and because no one believes Ando is actually dead. Oh well. That's what happens when you kill and bring people back every week — we become numb to it.

Despite that, I was happy to see a good portion of the characters come together in the story. Still, my favorite reunion was between Claire, H.R.G. and Sylar, also known as Claire's violator.

Claire had gone after a level 5 escapee that could create vortexes (Bubbles from "The Wire"! — aka Andre Royo) and had killed someone. After she tased the bro, she got to talking to him and realized she'd incapacitated what was probably one of the few people in level 5 that didn't mean any harm.

Eventually, H.R.G. and Sylar (pictured, left) showed up to nab the prisoner, leading him to create a vortex that nearly killed Claire (ok, so maybe Vortex guy's not perfect). Fortunately, Sylar was there to save Claire's life. Later, after getting Vortex Guy's location from Claire, H.R.G. tried to convince him to create a vortex and do away with Sylar, who was straining to hear (I can only assume his super-hearing power has been wiped away). Instead, Vortex guy — who wasn't going to get to see his wife or kids — didn't want to go back to the Company or kill anyone else, so he vortexed (totally a real word) himself.

My favorite scene of the episode was when Claire finally realized that, in his efforts to protect his family, H.R.G. uses everyone, including her. Sylar helpfully (and maybe accurately) pointed out that H.R.G. doesn't see the humanity in people with abilities. The thing was, it didn't even come off like Sylar was trying to drive a wedge between them — he was giving an honest assessment. I believe he's honestly trying to fight the urge to kill people and feed on them. Ask Peter how tough that is, given that he almost killed his own mom earlier in the hour.

Finally, it's time to do away with Mohinder and Maya's storyline. If he's not going to be working on a version of the formula that works and is going to be trolling the park for delinquents to kill he needs to be off the show. And he should take Maya with him, who is COMPLETELY puzzling. I mean, does she have a job now? What does she do all day in New York when she's not checking up on Mohinder? What's the deal?!

Those two need to be shoved aside, especially in favor of the villain we saw with Claire's biological mom Meredith, who can control other people's actions. Sure, the episode hit us over the head with the fact that he's a puppet master by showing us puppets, but he still seems like a promising character based on that super-creepy scene. Hopefully the show builds on this strong episode

So what'd you think of this episode? Since Linderman is in Nathan's head, how did he REALLY survive Peter's assassination? (Was it Adam's blood from last year?) Which "Wire" cast member do you hope to see next? (I'm waiting for Isaiah Whitlock, aka Clay Davis, to show up as a fellow Pinehurst bad guy). Finally, how do you think Ando will be brought back to life? (You just know he will, but I'm thinking it might be Adam who does it, in keeping with the whole "villains-turned-heroes" theme.)

Desperate Housewives: Running of the Bullies

Last night's episode of "Desperate Housewives" delivered the funny in a big way as two of the main characters (Bree and Susan) returned to top form.

Unfortunately, there still seems to be some mandate that at least one of the Housewives has to act like a complete shrew in each episode — how else to explain the way Lynette is treating Tom?

I get that Tom can be every bit as childish as any of the couple's kids, but Lynette was being downright horrible to her husband right from the start. As the two were cleaning out their garage, she ridiculed all of the hobbies he'd never gotten around to (in front of Dave, a guy they don't know that well). No one likes a ton of trash in their house, but that was just mean (at least Tom got to keep those old Playboys).

As if that wasn't bad enough, Lynette made it look like their daughter Penny (THAT'S where she is) was responsible for leaving Tom's bass lying in the middle of the garage, causing him to run over it. I mean, who cares if Tom wants to jam out every once in a while in his garage with Dave on drums, Mike on guitar (and maybe Carlos as a blind piano player)? It's not like the dude is planning on ditching his family and touring around the world.

Of course, the most significant development occurred when Dave came over with a replacement bass and warned Lynette that, if she keeps stifling him, her marriage might be in trouble. At first, I thought Dave's presumptuousness would rub Lynette the wrong way and possibly lead her to team up with Mrs. McCluskey in digging into Dave's past. However, Lynette seemed content to play the hero at the end of the episode by giving Tom the bass.

In fact, Dave spent a decent amount of time winning over his neighbors. Besides Tom and Lynette, he seems to have Katherine on his side after fixing her sprinkler system. The only problem is that Katherine is supposed to be helping Mrs. M. dig up dirt on Dave. I like Katherine and Mrs. M together (mostly because it gives Dana Delaney something to do) and McCluskey's straightforward interrogation style toward Edie was a treat.

While they weren't the most effective team, they got in Edie's head enough to make her call out her new husband for evading a direct question about his past. The scene where Dave admitted that he hadn't gone to college in front of Edie and her friends was as tense and awkward as it was meant to be. Of course, I think it's 50/50 whether Dave is being truthful, but that's another reason why Neal McDonough is the best addition to the show in years. It also looks like Mrs. McCluskey's life will be spared, but she'll likely be taking a trip to a nursing home soon.

Out of all the housewives' storylines, I was happiest to see Bree come back from wreaking havoc in her new workplace to wreaking havoc in her family. Danielle (pictured, right with Bree) brought Bree's grandson Benjamin (Benji) back to Wisteria Lane for the first time in three years.

Bree had promised to be on her best behavior while Danielle and her new husband Leo were visiting, but Bree had trouble biting her tongue right from the start when she saw Danielle's "delightfully ethnic" outfit. After revealing that they were homeschooling Benji (loved the line about him overtaking Danielle once he gets to reading at a 4th grade level) and raising him as a vegan, it almost seemed as if Danielle was actively doing as much as she could to antagonize her mother.

Then again, given what a severe figure Bree can be, can you blame her? Fortunately, this brought back the conniving side of Bree as she manipulated the boy into eating a hot dog (so he can play for the Red Sox). Of course, it all backfired when he threw up said hot dog and Danielle stormed off. The unexpected repercussion of this scene was Orson lashing out at Bree for blowing their chance at a relationship with their grandson. We also found out that Orson blames Bree for letting Danielle take Benji away while he was in prison. I know the guy has been (rightfully) feeling neglected lately, but that's still too harsh.

Benji was far from the only kid on the block. Susan's son M.J. and Gabrielle's daughter Juanita got some healthy screen time last night as Susan found out her son was being bullied by Gabby's daughter. After Mike and Jackson refused to teach M.J. how to beat up a girl, Susan took matters into her own hands and shoved Juanita to the ground after she'd attacked M.J. again. Juanita had it coming and it's probably just the thing I would've done — except that I don't hit girls because it's against the rules (this is why I don't have kids yet).

That led to a funny exchange of words between Susan and Gabby ("I'm saying she's fat for YOUR age," Susan to Gabby) before the two rolled around in an abbreviated fight. With Susan's hair dye still in, I think this had the comedic potential to match Gabby's fight with the nun from a few years ago. I know I've complained about Susan's constant pratfalls, but what can I say? Teri Hatcher is good at them, and this time she got some equally good lines to complement the physical comedy. Eventually, the two friends made up over booze and the shared knowledge that they each have it pretty hard but are good mothers at the end of the day.

I'm still not convinced Gabby has it as hard as the writers want us to believe. The couple finally sold their convertible the smuggest couple I can remember seeing on this show. However, I found it a tad unbelievable they had to go from their gorgeous car to Andrew's (full disclosure) piece of crap. I mean wasn't there a 2003 Toyota Corolla they could've picked up instead.

Nevertheless, I enjoyed seeing Gabby face off with Andrew because they're two of the cattiest characters on the block. I'm also delighted to see that just because Andrew wears a suit and tie doesn't mean he's lost his edge (though hopefully he won't sleep with Carlos to get even with Gabby), but I was even more delighted to see Gabby get a small victory, when she finally convinced him to pay for the busted radiator. That girl needed a win in the worst way. She helped make this episode a winner too.

So what'd you think of this episode? What's with the weird man-love between Mike and Jackson? Am I picking up a gay vibe between the two or am I just picking up a gay vibe because I can't separate Gale Harold from his role on "Queer as Folk"? Finally, who's Dave going to recruit to be on his side next?

NFL 2008 Week 6 Picks

Don't mind me as I gloss over my failure at picking football games last time out (6-8 week, 42-32 season). Let's instead look ahead to a week 6 slate of games which should make for a pretty entertaining Sunday.

CHICAGO @ ATLANTA
This is a matchup of two teams with winning records (3-2) that I'm just having a hard time believing are actually any good. Maybe it's because I've seen them lose to the (occasionally-sorry) Bucs. I'm giving Atlanta the edge because they're at home and because they went into Lambeau Field and won last week, despite the fact that doing so is becoming increasingly easy to do.

BALTIMORE @ INDIANAPOLIS
The Colts are bad on offense now (except for the last four minutes of games), they've lost a significant homefield advantage in their new open-air stadium and face the best defense in the league. Yikes! Never thought I'd take the team with Flacco over the team with Manning (either one of them!)

DETROIT @ MINNESOTA
I guess the Vikes should be happy they won the most garbage Monday Night Football game in recent history, despite allowing TWO punt return TDs and with the help of two Martin Gramatica (pictured, left) missed field goals. I'd still feel pretty iffy about myself. Fortunately, the Lions are coming to town (who I've recently decided are worse than the Rams), so Minnesota's (and their fans') self-esteem should get a boost.

OAKLAND @ NEW ORLEANS
Tom Cable makes his coaching debut for the Raiders. How long until Al Davis calls him a liar and fires him? Week 12? I like the Gramatica-free Saints in this one.

CINCINNATI @ N.Y. JETS
Fact: the Jets are averaging 56 points per game while wearing their throwback New York Titans uniforms this year. Despite going back to their original green and white I like them over Cincinnati, which will be without Carson Palmer. I'm so glad Palmer's killing someone else's fantasy season this year the way he helped kill mine last year.

CAROLINA @ TAMPA BAY
Now that I've revoked Jon Gruden's "offensive genius" card for putting up 13 points against one of the league's worst defenses last week, it's time to get down to business for the Bucs. They face their toughest division opponent this week and CANNOT afford to fall behind two games in the NFC South. I like them at home and I like them even better with Jeff Garcia at QB. I'm not saying the offense explodes (I think the Bucs will get a TD on defense), but I'm pretty sure he won't put up three picks ala Griese.

ST. LOUIS @ WASHINGTON
I tried to talk myself into the Rams pulling a shocker under their new coach and catching the Skins off guard after back-to-back huge wins for Washington — but St. Louis is just TOO bad.

MIAMI @ HOUSTON
All Miami's done is go into New England and San Diego and won the last couple of weeks. I'm still going with Houston because they probably should've won the last couple of weeks, but choked each game away to superior opponents. I don't think they'd consider Miami to be superior, so they should be relaxed.

JACKSONVILLE @ DENVER
QB Jay Cutler and the Broncos have cooled off considerably and Jacksonville needs this one after a bad loss in Pittsburgh. I see Fred Taylor and MoJo Drew each running for 100 yards in this one.

DALLAS @ ARIZONA
Did Dallas not suspend Pacman Jones because they REALLY found he didn't do anything wrong or because, with CB Terrence Newman injured, they kind of need him? You decide. I'd pick the Cardinals if everyone else in the world weren't picking them for an upset this week.

PHILADELPHIA @ SAN FRANCISCO
I'm glad I wrote this recap before I found out the Eagles would be without star RB Brian Westbrook. They're a different team without him. And by that, I mean they're bad.

GREEN BAY @ SEATTLE
Sure Seattle's been atrocious this year, but Hasselbeck has his favorite target back and they're always solid at home. On the other hand, the MVP trophy everyone wanted to give Aaron Rodgers after week 2 has been cruelly yanked away from his hands.

SAN DIEGO @ NEW ENGLAND
San Diego's sitting at 2-3 and they need this one badly if they want to avoid falling in too deep of a hole to catch the Broncos in the AFC West. The problem is that New England pretty much always beats them. I think they'll do the same (even without Brady). It just comes down to Bill Belichick >>>>> Norv Turner.

N.Y. GIANTS @ CLEVELAND
If you ready my intro to this column carefully (and why wouldn't you) I said the week 6 slate of games should make for a pretty entertaining Sunday. With the way the Giants have been rolling and the way Cleveland has been struggling (TE Kellen Winslow now has a mysterious illness) this game is going to be a dog (and, unfortunately, that's not a compliment or a shout out to Browns fans.)

America's Next Top Recap: Award-Worthy Performances

It doesn't happen very often, but every once a while, Tyra takes off her crazy hat for a little while and actually teaches the girls in this competition something.

Ok, so Tyra never really takes off her crazy hat, and when she does she replaces it with an inexplicable black hoodie at the judges' panel. I know she explained why she was wearing a hoodie, but I still don't understand. Still, it's always cool (and a little startling) to see this ridiculous mess of a show actually try to teach somebody something.

Of course, lest you think the show's going straight (not true in ANY sense of the word), Tyra's session to give the girls their signature looks yielded such gems as "rebel ice skater" (like Tonya Harding?), "Hunchback of Notre Dame" (as opposed to "Hunchback of Northwestern? We get it, Marjorie is French) and "Top Model of the World" (I got nothin').

The girls posed for 20 frames while getting critiqued by Tyra, who would then tell them what they needed to work on. This proved especially helpful for Analeigh, who was still trying to find her niche and who no one in the house apparently considered a serious contender. This exercise should've also proven helpful for Lauren Brie, but unfortunately she hadn't yet realized how bland she is. Well, at least Sheena noticed, calling LB "translucent and bland, like her hair", without seeming to realize that "translucent" and "bland" don't mean the same thing.

Turns out the photo shoot was also the week's challenge and Marjorie took home the prize for improving her hunchback pose from over-the-top and ugly-ugly, to ugly-pretty. The reward was a trip to a diamond jewelry store where she and a friend would get an item for free. Marjorie brought Analeigh along, seemingly sensing a fellow contestant's low self-esteem.

Back at the house, drama came in the form of Elina's confession that her Russian mom (who we know she hates) didn't exactly encourage displays of emotion. Last week, I asked if Elina could do anything other than "smolder" in her pictures and, while that question still stands, we gained some understand of why she seems stuck on neutral this week.

The girls traveled to the Orpheum theatre in downtown L.A. where Mr. Jay acted as a sort of ringmaster. Since the show has done the circus freak thing before, I knew they were headed in another direction. Another clue was that the episode was called "Fiercee Awards," named after the made up awards Tyra gave out on her (equally excellently terrible) talk show.

In fact, the girls would be reenacting signature moments from award shows. If they were smart, the girls would also incorporate their signature poses.

My favorites this week were Analeigh (I hope I haven't had that look on my face while interviewing someone — good job with her arm too) and Marjorie (the deserving challenge winner, who contorted her body beautifully and never forgot her face). Joslyn bounced back well with a pretty picture, but unfortunately she has no chance to win, so I don't think I'll invest too much time in her (I don't want to be disappointed.)

The worst of the bunch were Lauren Brie (who DID have a tough assignment, but still didn't do anything) and Samantha (I think even I might've looked pretty standing up there, but I still like her).

Elina was supposed to be an overly emotional actress and her frustration led to real tears. However, I don't equate her real tears with truly letting herself go, which is what the job required. I feel like the tears were more a result of frustration than the emotional release Elina was trying to attain.

Meanwhile, I didn't agree with the praise showered on McKey's photo (pictured, right). She just looked generally angry to me, not specifically like she's lost an award, which would include disappointment or shock. Meanwhile, I didn't agree with the hate thrown on Sheena (Tyra wanted to see more movement, but she had her gown stepped on in the picture - at least her profile is back on the site) The judges also said Sheena just seemed flat, which is probably the first time she's ever heard that. (Then again, maybe it's not and that's why she got the boob job.)

Either way, Sheena landed in the bottom two with Lauren Brie and, for the second week in a row, personality won out over pretty pictures. I'd like to say LB will be missed but I know nothing about her. In fact, you know how the eliminated contestant vanishes from the group photo at the end of every episode? I'm convinced they didn't use a special effect this week — Lauren Brie just disappeared into nothingness.

So what'd you think of this episode? Who knew that out of everything, Tyra's signature is apparently her eyes? (I thought her signature was her batshit insanity.) Finally, is there ANY stopping Marjorie (who got called first) or is she peaking too early?