Jersey Shore: Two is Better Than One?

“The Godfather: Part II.” “Terminator 2: Judgment Day.” “Aliens.”

Each of these sequels at the very least equaled (or, depending on who you ask, surpassed) the classic original work of art they followed.

Last night brought the second season premiere of “Jersey Shore”, which sought to uphold that lofty tradition after its instant-classic debut season last year.

Did they succeed? Of course not.

But that’s kinda the point of “Jersey Shore.” There are no aspirations of greatness or deep meaning. It’s the TV version of the mindless summer entertainment we usually get at the movie theatre this time of year.

That being said, I’m going to be keeping my eye out for and hoping “Jersey Shore” can avoid the “Hills” conundrum. In case you don’t know what that is (since I just made it up), it refers to what happened to MTV’s other smash-hit reality show, which started off chronicling the lives of clueless unknowns, but eventually became about chronicling the lives of clueless unknowns who’d gotten famous due to their smash-hit MTV reality show, and how they dealt with that fame.

I didn’t get too much of that in the first episode.

Unfortunately, what I did get was WAY too much of my two least favorite things about Jersey Shore: 1.) Angelina 2.) Ronnie/Sammi Sweetheart drama.

And even that followed a mostly tedious 10-15 minute road trip segment with the cast making its way down to Miami (The Situation and Pauly D are stuck in the mud! Um, ok) that was pretty much singlehandedly saved by Snooki. Whether she was basically conceding that she’s pretty much going to cheat on her gorilla juicehead boyfriend Emilio, (“I was like, EMMIIILLLIIIOOO!!!), chomping on fried pickles or giving the camera a Jim Halpert-esque look when that redneck tried to hit on her, Snooki carried this portion of the episode and gave us plenty of hope for the upcoming season. Also, damn that Obama for putting that tax on tanning!

Once they arrived at the house, things got interesting. Well, as interesting as the manufactured drama of inserting the toxic Angelina back into the mix can get.

Let’s talk about Angelina briefly, who I absolutely loathed watching last season. It turns out that I only hated her half as much as her fellow cast members. I couldn’t understand why the producers had brought her back, though I could definitely understand why she’d want to come back. (She basically walked away from the show 10 minutes before it exploded into a phenomenon.)

Watching the season premiere, I got it — she’s just there to stir the pot. Angelina’s ability to (backhanded compliment alert!) get men, women, organisms to hate her is a rare gift. I’ve seen quite a bit of reality TV, and even the bitchiest of contestants can usually find some sort of ally. (The closest Angelina has is The Situation, who is really just one giant instigator.) So, brava to Angelina for being a rare and special breed of horrible.

At least Angelina made things interesting. (And by “interesting”, I mean loud.) I’m SO over the Ronnie/Sammi relationship.

Mostly, I’m just confused. I thought I remembered Sammi breaking up with Ronnie, but in last night’s premiere Sammi was the one moping around about how awkward it is to live in a house with your ex and how she still loves him. Fortunately, my girlfriend Erica was there to explain that, most likely, Sammi wanted Ronnie to come after her and fight for their relationship after she’d broken his heart, which led to this exchange:

Me: “That’s such ‘girl logic.’”
Erica: “Yeah, pretty much.”

Naturally, the two got into a big blow out which culminated in a drunken, “obliviated” Ronnie (props to Vinny for coining that term — and that’s the end of my obligatory Vinny shout-out for the week) calling Sammi the c-word. I don’t know why but I found it thoroughly amusing that, even within this group (that gets most of its dialogue bleeped out) the c-word still made everyone go eerily quiet.

Sammi ended up crying back at the house, while Ronnie got drunker than I’ve ever seen another human being. (Except maybe for Tommy Gavin in this week’s “Blackout” episode of “Rescue Me.”) There was triple kissing, dancing on stage with strippers, making out with “grenades” and “land mines.”

In case you didn’t watch last season, a “grenade” (The Situation explained) is a “bigger ugly girl”, while a “land mine” is a skinny ugly girl. Although, it felt a bit too much like The Situation was TRYING to make the term “land mine” happen, I appreciated this bit of wisdom.

In fact, there simply wasn’t nearly enough The Situation and Pauly D in the first episode (my two favorite characters) other than the gag-inducing revelation that they’ve both now hooked up with Angelina. Leave it to Pauly D to somehow make the idea that he’d hook up with her on a “rainy day” seem funny and charming. Hopefully, we’ll see more of these two guys going forward, and less of all the repetitive junk that clogged the premiere.

So what’d you think of this episode? Did J-Woww simply hang too many clothes on that shelf or was it just poorly made? When and how did she change into that pink dress for her arrival into the Miami apartment? Finally, who is less likable Angelina or Betty Draper?

Inception Review

The moment “Inception” cut to black right after its much-debated final shot, I felt like turning to the people I was with and channeling John Locke after he’s done watching the first orientation film on “Lost.”

“We’re gonna need to watch that again.”

It wasn’t even that I needed to watch “Inception” again because I didn’t understand what the hell was going on. (Although anyone who tells you they understood/appreciated EVERY single layer of writer-director Christopher Nolan’s most ambitious work to date after just one viewing is either lying or drunk. Or both.)

It’s more that I WANTED to experience “Inception” again so that I could attempt to further understand/appreciate everything I’d just seen.

Ugh. I’m afraid I’m making this movie sound more complicated than it really is.

It’d be a crime to reveal too much about this movie to people who haven’t seen it, so I’ll try to keep it simple. “Inception” is set in a world where it is possible for someone to enter the human mind and gain access to a person’s secrets through their dreams.

Leonardo DiCaprio stars as Dom Cobb, the leader of a team of highly-skilled thieves. Cobb is estranged from his family, but gets a chance to go home again when he’s offered the good ‘ol high-risk, virtually-impossible “last job. “

That right there is one level of Nolan’s genius. He takes the exceedingly heady concepts of dreamscapes, sub-consciousness and “what is real?” and presents them through a simple structure that is strikingly similar to a heist movie like “Ocean’s Eleven.” (The gang leader recruits his team, we get a superficial look at the complex plan, and the final act is the carrying out of said plan.)

It takes a little while to get there though. Much of the early portions of “Inception” are disorienting and confusing. Two things here: 1.) Maybe I was just disoriented and confused because I’m not very smart. 2.) I suspect Nolan did this on purpose to recreate the unreal, puzzling nature of dreams. Fortunately, Nolan takes care of his audience by never raising a question/mystery/plot point that isn’t answered or addressed later on (even if you have to do a little bit of the work yourself).

Did I get to the part where “Inception” is one of the most visually-striking films I’ve ever seen? Nolan, cinematographer Wally Pfister and the rest of the crew create one of those beautiful retro-futuristic worlds (like in “Gattaca”) which suggest that this story could be taking place at any time. More importantly, the excellent special effects are used the way special effects should ALWAYS be used. They’re there to supplant and complement the characters and the story, instead of doing all the heavy lifting.

Nolan also gets a big-time assist from a sturdy cast.

This may not be DiCaprio’s best work, but he delivers a strong performance in a challenging role that requires him to exude authority and anguish, often at the same time. I think we’re supposed to be rooting for Dom to succeed so that he could get home, but the character is kept at such an arm’s length that I ended up rooting for him to succeed just to see if what he was trying to do was possible.

Fortunately, the movie features plenty of lively supporting performances to keep things interesting. Joseph Gordon-Levitt (rapidly becoming one of my favorite actors) is rock solid as Arthur, even if I don’t really know what his job actually is other than being Dom’s right hand man. Gordon-Levitt also got to star in the coolest action sequence of the year, an anti-gravity fight inside a rotating hallway. (Yeah, you read that right.)

Tom Hardy delivers most of the laughs (and most of the “Hey, this is supposed to be fun”) as Eames, the team’s “forger.” I also thought Cillian Murphy (as the team’s rich boy target) helped ground the movie’s heist-heavy third act with a terrific, restrained performance.

As much as I gush about Christopher Nolan, he’s not perfect. As was the case with “Batman Begins”/ “The Dark Knight”, Nolan’s weakness is that he’s simply not able to create strong, fully-formed female characters.

That weakness is much less glaring in “Inception”, but I give most of the credit to Oscar winner Marion Cotillard’s emotional performance as Mal, the movie’s complex antagonist. Ellen Page, unfortunately, fares much worse. As Ariadne, the new architect that Dom recruits for his team, Page’s character exists for no reason other than to serve as a stand-in for the audience. When Dom is explaining how the dreamscapes work to Ariadne, he’s really explaining it to us. When Ariadne is yelling at Dom to overcome his issues, she’s really voicing what the audience is feeling. She’s not a person – she’s a narrative device.

I’d also love to tell you something about Ken Watanabe’s performance as the team’s benefactor, but I only understood about 25% of what he said. (Sorry, Ken – I still loved you in “The Last Samurai.”)

Still, the positives far outweigh the negatives.

The summer movie season is usually a time for mindless fun. (Nothing wrong with that, by the way.) Still, with all its strong performance and visual razzle-dazzle, the most exciting thing about “Inception” is that I immediately wanted to watch it again as soon as it was over because it had jumpstarted my brain.

Inception…A-

The Last Airbender Review

Whether you’re a fan of his work or not, you can pretty much ALWAYS tell when you’re watching an M. Night Shyamalan film. (And not just because he semi-obnoxiously started putting “M. Night Shyamalan’s…” before the title of some of his movies.)

In fact, he’s one of only a handful of directors (Tarantino is another) who has an instantly-recognizable style and rhythm in his work. Unfortunately, that style has become characterized by horribly wooden acting and a sea of self-indulgence over the course of his last few movies.

That being said, I admire that the man has his own style. I mean, even though I ripped into “The Happening” when it first came out, I’ve come to appreciate it for the unintentional comedic classic it is.

The good news for the Shyamalan haters is that for his latest project — “The Last Airbender” — nearly all traces of Shyamalan-ess have been removed. For better or worse it looks like almost anyone else could’ve directed this movie.

The bad news for everyone is that it’s still pretty bad.

“The Last Airbender” is based on the popular Nickelodeon animated series “Avatar: The Last Airbender” (they didn’t want to use the “Avatar” part in the title for obvious reasons).

I’ve only gotten glimpses at the animated series, so I won’t join the fans of the show who are complaining about how Shyamalan changed certain characterizations or how Prince Zuko’s scar isn’t quite right because I just don’t care about that stuff. I’m also not going to get into the controversy that sprung up when Shyamalan cast white actors for the lead roles in a movie with Asian themes and characters.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m all for diversity in casting. I also believe that Asian actors should’ve been afforded the same opportunity to suck in this movie as much as the white actors did.

(I guess I lied – the trademark wooden acting from Shyamalan’s previous work DID show up in “Airbender”, so it’s not TOTALLY indistinguishable from his recent work.)

Ok, so maybe I’m being a bit harsh. Noah Ringer actually fits quite nicely into the heroic/bland mold established by the superior, epic fantasy stories (“Star Wars”, “Harry Potter”, etc.) that have come before “Airbender.” Ringer is Aang, the only person left in the world who can manipulate/bend air and the latest in a succession of Avatars, who can control all four elements.

Aang disappeared for 100 years and is discovered by Katara (Nicola Peltz) and Sokka (“Eclipse” MVP Jackson Rathbone), two members of the Water Nation, which is presently locked in a war with the world-domination-seeking Fire Nation.

The most impressive thing about the movie (other than the admittedly cool special effects and an appealing performance by Shaun Toub as Prince Zuko’s Uncle Iroh) is how each bender has to do a martial arts/dance combo to conjure up their power. I like that they don’t just “have” magic powers – they have to work for them a little bit.

Unfortunately, almost everything else is a borderline disaster.

Rathbone is stuck trying to (painfully) do comic relief, but he got more laughs in the “Twilight” series by just standing there with his ridiculous hair.

I’ve never seen or heard of Nicola Peltz before this movie, and I hope I never do again because she’s absolutely terrible. Her awful performance is doubly vexing because her pivotal role involves her inspiring and pushing our hero. On top of that, since the screenplay (you guessed it – written by Shyamalan) is a muddled, confused mess, we have to rely on Katara’s narration to tell us what’s going on in her deadly monotone. (Hey, how about that? Now Sokka is in love! Thanks for telling me instead of showing me, movie.)

Then we have Dev Patel (aka, the “Slumdog Millionaire” kid) as Prince Zuko, who I’m guessing is supposed to be some sort of tragic, Anakin Skywalker-esque anti-hero. Zuko has been exiled from the Fire Nation by his father and seeks to reclaim his honor by capturing Aang. The only problem is that Patel whines and overacts his way through so much of the movie’s first half that you’re pretty much done with him by the time his character gets some depth.

Should I keep going? How about the fact that one of the main antagonists – Commander Zhao – is a total joke? I mean, he’s REALLY a joke as in he’s played by comedian Aasif Mandvi (best known for his work on “The Daily Show”). I don’t know what’s weirder – that Shyamalan cast a comic actor as the villain but did NOT let him cut loose or that Mandvi still managed to deliver one of the movie’s better performances?

I could go on and on, but this feels like a good place to stop.

It’s not all bad news. The movie - intended as the first of a trilogy – is doing well at the box office. More importantly, it seems to be connecting with its young target audience, judging by the applause from all the kids at the showing I attended.

Unfortunately for me, I’m not 10 years old.

The Last Airbender…D+

Predators Review

There’s some pretty stiff competition for the title (that I’ve just made up) of “Unlikeliest Summer Movie Action Hero of 2010.”

By my completely arbitrary count, Jaden Smith took an early lead with “The Kung Fu Kid” (I know what it’s actually called, and I choose to ignore it), and Michael Cera might have the last say when “Scott Pilgrim vs. The World” comes out next month.

However, the leader in the clubhouse right now is Adrien Brody in “Predators.”

Obviously, Brody is a really good, Oscar-winning actor who has dabbled in action before, most notably in 2005’s “King Kong.” Still, seeing Brody looking like a jacked-up junior Sylvester Stallone and leading a team of elite miscreants is a VERY far cry from this.

Brody plays Royce (and this is SO the type of movie where characters only go by one name), who gets dropped from a plane and into the middle of a strange jungle along with seven other undesirables.

Eventually, the group finds itself hunted by the deadly, dreadlock-y creatures we know as Predators.

There really isn’t a lot more to the movie — and that’s exactly how it should be.

“Predators” plays like a horror movie where the actors with higher billing (with one notable exception) survive until the end. The movie also smartly sticks close to the formula — jungle setting, rag-tag group, an unlimited amount of ammo — that made the original “Predator” an action classic 23 years ago. In fact, the movie appears to directly follow “Predator” and “Predator 2”, while ignoring the events of the “Alien vs. Predator” movies, which is perfectly ok with me because no Predator (or Alien) movie should ever be PG-13, and the best thing to come out of “AVP” is the tagline, “Whoever wins, we lose.”

Though it’s definitely jarring to see Brody in action-hero mode, the actor eventually inhabits his character (who doesn’t give a damn about anyone else and is perfectly willing to lose some people to gain a strategic advantage) well enough that you stop thinking about it.

It also helps that the movie is never boring, thanks to director Nimrod (snicker) Antal, who keeps things moving at an appropriately brisk pace once the characters have been introduced and the action kicks in. (If the first 20 minutes of the movie were always going to be everyone walking around wondering where they are and what’s going on, the commercials probably shouldn’t have repeatedly shown Brody saying, “This planet is a game preserve — and we’re the game.”)

As you can probably guess, there isn’t much to these (cardboard) characters. Alice Braga probably fairs the worst as the most sympathetic member of the bunch (she’s a woman, so she MUST be compassionate, right?) Walton Goggins (“The Shield”, “Justified”) keeps his streak of playing rednecks alive with a lively turn and giving us much of the comic relief. The rest is provided by Topher Grace, as the one member of the team who doesn’t quite seem to belong. (Maybe he should’ve buffed up like Brody so he would fit in more.)

Finally, there’s Laurence Fishburne who is both amusing and wildly miscast as he performs his best Marlon Brando-in-“Apocalypse Now” impersonation.

The gold standard for action/sci-fi sequels that merely added an “s” to the original’s title is “Aliens.” “Predators” isn’t anywhere near that good, but it’s still an entertaining summer flick that zips right along and doesn’t take itself seriously.

Predators…B

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse Review

It’s a LOT easier to make fun of the “Twilight” movies than it is to admit that you actually (kinda?) enjoy them.

I mean, where do you even start with the mockery? The hair (several characters fighting for the title of “Worst Wig”), the makeup (aren’t the Cullens supposed to be, at least somewhat, passing themselves off as human — not some sort of golden-eyed, Aryan super race), the special effects (sometimes the wolves look like they’re four feet tall and other times they look like they’re eight feet tall)?

And I haven’t even brought up secondary stuff like “writing” and “acting.”

Still, there’s an undeniably melodramatic/throwback quality that I find fascinating. The story and the style used in these movies remind me of the black and white flicks they used to show on AMC (before they started airing stuff like “Superman Returns”) when I was growing up. Yeah, I know those old movies were considered “classics”, but I still found some of the acting to be hilariously bad and made fun of it. Whether it was actually bad or not, that’s just how most movies WERE back then.

And that’s how the “Twilight” movies are now — except that all the old-timey acting and storytelling is happening in 2010 and in a contemporary setting.

I’m not going to dive too much into the great debates surrounding the “Twilight” series. (Such as, is Edward super-romantic or a creepy stalker who watches you while you sleep? Is Bella a whiny, wishy-washy protagonist or does the fact that she has two guys fighting over her and actual battles waged to defend her mean that she has all the power.) I haven’t read any of the books, so just I don’t have enough knowledge of the story to intelligently argue the point either way.

Instead, how about I just talk about “Eclipse”?

The third movie in the “Twilight” saga finds the vampiric Cullens forming an uneasy alliance with their wolf pack natural enemies to protect Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) from the vampire Victoria (Bryce Dallas Howard taking over for Rachelle Lefevre), and her newly-created Army of newborns.

This also marks the breaking point for the Bella, Edward (Robert Pattinson), Jacob (Taylor Lautner) love triangle. But we’ll get to them in a bit.

First, I want to talk about some of the supporting cast, which can really make or break a would-be summer blockbuster. The one in “Eclipse” mostly shined (or sparkled).

I found it thoroughly amusing that Billy Burke always looked like he just rolled out of bed prior to any scene featuring him as Bella’s beleaguered father Charlie. Xavier Samuel was a fine, menacing addition as Riley, the leader of the newborn army. Bryce Dallas Howard, um, didn’t totally blow it stepping into Lefevre’s role, so that’s good. And, finally, it’s always fantastic to watch Dakota Fanning dominate people with her mind.

Arguably, the greatest improvement came from the expansion of the Cullen clan. Ashley Greene’s impish enthusiasm as Alice is always welcome and Kellan Lutz as Emmett got in his usual funny, flirty lines to Bella. However, we got honest-to-goodness back story on Jasper and Rosalie (but why not Emmet, Alice or Esme?).

Jackson Rathbone, in particular, stood out for more than his magnificently floppy hair for the first time in the movie series as Jasper. Turns out he’s kind of a badass.

Jasper trains the Cullens and the wolves for the climactic battle (which actually ends up being way too one-sided for my taste), and director David Slade (“30 Days of Night”) handles the action relatively well. (Except maybe for the part where vampires basically turn out to be ice sculptures.)

Of course, the main action for most fans involves the story’s heroine Bella, and the guys who angrily get in each other’s faces over her. In a related story, Bella is my ABSOLUTE least favorite thing about this franchise!

I don’t even know if I can slam Kristen Stewart’s acting because “Twilight” author Stephenie Meyer is quite involved with the movies, so I’m assuming she approves of this characterization. Still, having the hero of your story be weakly and ineffectually pout her way from one suitor to another is definitely not doing the actress any favors. Congratulations, Bella Swan — you’ve replaced Carrie Bradshaw as the Summer Movie Protagonist I Most Want To Throw My Shoe At.

How about those suitors though? Pattinson has a dashing air about him that mostly negates Edward Cullen’s more creepy tendencies. He also gets to be kinda funny (on purpose!) in this movie. (Like when he asked if Jacob owned a shirt.)

Speaking of Jacob, I have to applaud Lautner for being the one out of the three main cast members who actually appears to be enjoying himself. (“I AM hotter than you.”) The only problem is that, in “Eclipse”, Jacob has turned into an overly cocky, pushy (“I’m gonna fight for you until your heart stops beating.” Um, that’s sweet?) turbo-douche. It also doesn’t help that Jacob was simply never established as a viable suitor for Bella — she’s all about Edward.

Look, these movies are nowhere near perfect. However, instead of focusing on everything that’s wrong, I’d rather shine the light on the fact that it’s the most entertaining entry in the series. (Insert your own joke about how that’s like Danny DeVito bragging that he’s taller than Verne Troyer.)

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse…B-