American Idol: Happy Birth Year

I’m sure we all have incredibly fond memories of the songs we were rocking out to the year we were born.

Oh wait, none of us remember that because it’s impossible!

The “Songs from Your Birth Year” theme on “American Idol” is a sneakily terrible idea that has lasted a really long time on TV’s number one show. (I have it as a distant second in that category to “Randy Jackson as a judge”…but even Randy has somewhat stepped his game up this year.)

Instead of having contestants pick songs from the year they spent as drooling/pooping/Elvis-impersonating infants, they should make the theme “Songs from Your High School Years” or something similar that would actually reflect the period of time where these contestants started seriously getting into music. On top of that, it would (gasp!) lead to hyper-current picks from our most youthful contestants. (Imagine that.)

Unfortunately, we’re still stuck with this horrible theme which, predictably, led to an underwhelming performance night on Top 12 week. At least we got to see some cute/embarrassing baby pictures and meet some truly adorable parents. (For example, it’s now easy to see why Casey has the off-kilter sense of humor he’s displayed on the show.)

After closing last week’s performance episode with a memorable version of “Umbrella”, Naima Adedapo opened last night with a less memorable, but equally poorly-sung up-tempo version of “What’s Love Got To Do With It?” J.Lo’s right in that Naima is still sacrificing the quality of her voice for performance and entertainment value. It’s a shame because I thought I remembered her being a pretty great singer from her audition and early rounds. That being said, I still feel like she’s interesting (meaning “weird”) enough that she’ll get another week.

I actually didn’t mind the faster tempo on Naima’s song, but I absolutely HATED the disco-fied arrangement for Pia Toscano’s “Where Do Broken Hearts Go.” (It was even worse than her shoulder-less silver jumpsuit!) It’s a shame because she gave one of the night’s strongest vocal performances (as usual). I still want her to veer away from pageant territory, but the ill-advised disco diva persona is not the answer.

After Naima opened the show, Paul McDonald and Thia Megia followed up with a deadly dose of back-to-back doo doo. (The alliteration police are knocking on my door.)

Paul sang “I Guess That’s Why They Call It the Blues”, and I’ll just throw it over to special correspondent/my girlfriend Erica: “If I had to listen to that for any longer, I was gonna shoot myself.” (Time to find a new hiding place for our firearms.) While I don’t come close to sharing Erica’s disdain for Paul’s musical stylings (I thought parts of the chorus sounded lovely), the beginning of his song was extremely rough for the second week in a row and I AM getting a little tired of his Drunken Master performance style. However, even Erica concedes that once you hear Paul’s voice, you instantly know that it’s him…so that’s something.

Meanwhile, I’d love to tell you more about Thia Megia’s take on “Colors of the Wind”, but I actually slipped into a coma. (In my dream, it sounded like a lamb was singing at times.) When I woke up, even Steven Tyler was wondering if Thia knew what the hell she was doing by asking if that song really represented who she is as an artist. Thia didn’t help matters by desperately trying to tie it in to “what’s happening in the world right now”…whatever that means.

Fortunately, James Durbin came on around this point to snap everyone awake with some Bon Jovi (“I’ll Be There For You”) Even though that stupid fabric tail returned, James knows he’s going to be around for a lot more weeks (all the way to the finale, where he’ll duet with Steven Tyler, apparently), so he could afford to play it a little safe go back to his scream-y comfort zone, which he did quite well.

Then there’s Casey Abrams, who also seems to know that he’s going to be a round for a lot more weeks, so he could afford to take a crazy, ill-advised chance, which he didn’t do very well at all. I liked that he tried to bring something different to the stage with “Smells Like Teen Spirit”, but his atrocious, thoroughly unpleasant performance mostly made me wonder what I’d done to make him scream at me for a full minute.

Unfortunately, for Haley Reinhart, she doesn’t have the kind of security required to take a chance like that. Her “I’m Your Baby Tonight” was decent, but I’m still waiting for her to give us a performance that delivers on the promise of her great voice. (She just looks uncomfortable on stage…like it’s work being up there.) I don’t know if she’ll get a chance to explore the “soulful” direction the judges suggested because there’s a decent chance she’ll go home tonight. The fact that her lipstick smearing on her chin and teeth overshadowed anything she did on stage probably doesn’t help matters. (Or maybe it does…I know at least Erica felt bad for her.)

I’m predicting that Karen Rodriguez will once again be in jeopardy. Never mind that she stated that she didn’t want to be known as “the Latin singer” before going out and singing a portion of Taylor Dane’s “Love Will Lead You Back” in Spanish. Her performance was just painfully boring until the very end when she finally seemed to get comfortable. And, no — dressing up like a weird Latina fembot didn’t help. Sorry.

At the other end of the spectrum, I’d say Stefano Langone (pictured, left) made the biggest leap of the night with his take on “If You Don’t Know Me By Now.” It’s the best he’s ever sounded. However, I do believe we just saw his ceiling, and I don’t think his ceiling is as high as some of the other contestants’. Then again, the guy is infinitely likable (J.Lo is openly crushing on him) and could go far. But can he actually win?

Lauren Alaina is someone the judges certainly seem to think can win. I still feel like we haven’t seen her ceiling…mostly because the judges keep saying she’s allegedly spectacular. The flu mask bit came off like a built-in excuse at first in case she sucked singing “I’m the Only One”, but I think it’s possible that it held her back and made her hit a solid double in what should’ve been a home run of a performance. (The song was a terrific choice for her.)

Finally, there’s Scotty McCreery and Jacob Lusk.

Scotty continued to take baby steps that would suggest he’s built for the long haul in this competition. He did an excellent job with “Can I Trust You With My Heart” and I really liked the high (for him) note. The judges overpraised him for doing something a lot of singers can do, but I still think it’s crazy how good Scotty sounds when he sings those old-fashioned country songs he favors.

Then there’s Jacob Lusk, who took on Heart’s “Alone.” It’s always fun to see J.Lo wince when a contestant misses a high note. Either way it was another decent showing that was over praised by the judges, who once again glossed over Jacob’s serious issues controlling that crazy voice of his.

So what’d you think of this episode? Exactly how old did you feel when you realized that all of this year’s Idols were considerably younger than you? (I’m guessing that wasn’t just me.) Did you miss Ashthon this week? (Not so much.) Finally, who do you think is going home tonight? (I’m picking Karen.)