Project Runway: Romijn Event

“I’m too conceptual for America,” said tonight’s eliminated contestant, giving us one more amusingly spacey/serene sound bite before leaving our TV screens for good (and allowing irritating Mitchell to continue for at least one more week).

I didn’t get around to watching this episode until Wednesday night since I was away on vacation, so I’m not going to say anything that hasn’t already been said about last week’s installment. Instead, (as with my recent “Hell’s Kitchen” recap) I’ll just jot down a few stream of consciousness thoughts before Thursday night’s new episode.

- It’s been YEARS, since they were together, but I can’t be the only one who still wants to say “Rebecca Romijn-STAMOS”, right?! The designers were tasked with creating a look for the pregnant-with-twins(-at-the-time) Rebecca Romijn (pictured, right with Heidi).

- With so many designers this year (16, more than ever) and the show focusing heavily on a few (especially Ra’Mon and Mitchell), I’d have to say the two making the most out of their limited screen time are Gordana and Epperson. Gordana’s accent cracks me up (especially when she uses it to say things like “boob area”) and Epperson trying on the pregnancy belly was funny. I literally don’t know anything about Epperson other than the fact that he’s old (for this show), looks like Bobby McFerrin and is not afraid to try on a fake pregnancy belly on national TV – yet I can’t help but like the guy.

- Another one that cracks me up is Qristyl, despite the ridiculous spelling of her name. Her comment about how Johnny’s Easter jacket (which he wisely chose to forgo for the runway show) not being worthy of being Rebecca Romijn’s dust rag was funny. Her amused, “that was mean” right afterward was funnier.

- Despite the fact that he designed a poorly-made, ill-advised dress that two people (Mitchell and Romijn) separately described as a bowling ball bag, I’m not backing off my prediction of Ra’Mon winning this thing. Last week I mentioned that the former wannabe neurosurgeon would bring a brainy sensibility to his work, and this week it totally backfired on him. Ra’Mon over thought and overreacted to the judges’ comments from last week that he needed to take more chances. However, I think he’ll bounce back nicely and be on the show for a long time.

- I also want to thank Ra’Mon for bringing up Stella “Leatha” Zotis when Logan was banging away at his material. It just makes sense for contestants on this show (or any reality show) to either be fans or at least check out previous seasons, right?

- Mitchell, on the other hand, stated that he was going to play it safe: “I’m not looking to go out on a limb and win this challenge.” With SO many designers in the mix, I can almost understand how that train of thought could be effective. Still, it does NOT inspire a lot of confidence, and it’s not exactly going to make fans (or the judges) want to rally around him. Especially not when “playing it safe” means initially creating a ridiculously oversized pair of shorts that could fit two grown women, and then merely sizing them down to a poorly constructed pair of shorts that make a model looked like she’s on her way into rehab.

- When I first saw Shirin’s dress and jacket combo, I knew she’d win. True story.

- The other two top 3 creations from Althea and Louise, were also very impressive. (Especially, Althea's - from certain angles, you couldn't even tell the model was supposed to be pregnant.) However, the cup on Althea’s dress was ever so slightly ill-fitting, while Louise’s lingerie-looking dress seemed a bit too risqué for Nina Garcia.

- I enjoyed the implication that Nina Garcia thinks that Rebecca Romijn is a bit slutty, since Louise’s dress screamed “LINGERIE” to Nina, while Romijn said she’d definitely wear it on a date.

- Just because Malvin’s head looks like a bird nest doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to build a concept around that. It looked more like one of those baby-carrying slings than a nest with an egg.

- There hasn’t been much tension in the workroom this season. Even when Mitchell dissed Ra’Mon’s dress, he tried to soften the blow by saying it looked better from afar. I actually kinda like that the designers generally seem to enjoy each other. This is not one of those reality shows that need manufactured drama to be interesting.

- Maybe that explains why, for the second week in a row, the judges have dumped the kooky contestant in favor of, well, Mitchell. Beyond being more interesting (or maybe just “more sedated”) I thought Malvin’s concept was at least more adventurous and better executed. I was actually legitimately shocked that Mitchell survived the chopping block AGAIN. I believe I would’ve bet money on Mitchell going home. Oh well.

So what’d you think of this episode? What could’ve Malvin possibly done to make his outfit “MORE literal?” Was it a coincidence that three women ended up being in the top 3 and three men ended being in the bottom 3 for the pregnancy challenge? (I say yes). Finally, did Mitchell deserve another chance?

Hell's Kitchen: No Accounting for Taste

The continuation of “Hell’s Kitchen” featured what is probably the most popular challenge on the show – the blind taste test.

Van - who weirdly became our amusingly-crass mouthpiece throughout the challenge - summed it up perfectly: “It looks easy, but it’s not.”

We all like to think we’d be able to easily identify eggs when they’re shoveled into our mouths, or that we’d be able to tell the difference between clams and spinach (this mistake prompted Van to hilariously/randomly call Kevin a “scumbag”). At the very least, I’m sure we all feel fairly confident that none of us would guess “boiled coconut” under any circumstances. (“What the !@#$% us boiled cocunt?” – Van) The fact is, we’d probably all fail spectacularly at this challenge, but watching these supposed professionals falter is pretty funny. (Maybe it’s all the smoking they do.)

Coming into the challenge, Andy had a big target on his back after Robert addressed the 800-lbs gorilla in the room – the fact that Andy has no chance of winning “Hell’s Kitchen” and that everyone knows it. (This is the part where I fail to restrain myself from making a joke about Robert being the 800lbs gorilla. Whatever – Not Bobby acted like a jackass most of the time.)

Of course, we all knew the fate of the men’s team would come down to Andy, who faced off against Amanda in the final head-to-head matchup. (Tennille was forced to sit out). Despite correctly identifying lychee (um, what?!) Andy ended up losing, and the guys were forced to stay behind and make sorbet for the evening’s dinner serive. The men lost by a count of 6-4 and I was afraid that his teammates were going to unfairly scapegoat Andy for the loss, despite the fact that each blue team member (including Andy) got just one ingredient right. It’s not that I have any sort of special affection for Andy (I think he’s an amusing weasel), it’s just that it would not have been fair.

Meanwhile, the women got to further expand their palates by dining in the dark during a lunch date with Chef Ramsay. Unfortunately, Amanda appeared to also expand her hand into Chef Ramsay’s private zone and accidentally copped a feel. Given what happened later in the evening, I wouldn’t be surprised if Mrs. Ramsay got a look at this footage.

The lunch date was also an opportunity for the show to refocus on the “everyone hates Suzanne theme.” Sabrina seemed particularly annoyed that Suzanne (pictured, left) was kissing up to Ramsay during the lunch date. Although I’ve never been a fan of Suzanne’s, I didn’t think this particular incident was that bad – I think it was just edited to look that way.

To me, Suzanne’s behavior during dinner service was far worse.

Both teams had their minor struggles throughout, but seemed to fight through them. The blue kitchen temporarily fell apart once Kevin left the dining room to serve sorbet, solidly reinforcing the fact that he’s going to win this thing. Towards the end of the service, Andy ran out of mashed potatoes and appeared on the verge of a meltdown, until Dave stepped in to save the day and get the blue team a victory.

The red team could’ve definitely used a little more of that team spirit. Sabrina, once again, struggled to thoroughly cook meat and had to literally eat her mistake. It seemed cruel (and it WAS cruel), but I kind of liked Ramsay reinforcing the point to Sabrina once she returned to the kitchen – if Sabrina found the food inedible, how could she possible serve it to a paying customer?

Sabrina also had to battle her teammate Suzanne, who insisted on having her fish ready well before Sabrina’s meat was. So when Ramsay would ask where the meat was, Sabrina appeared to be hopelessly behind, while Suzanne could say things like, “Well, I was ready.” Later, Amanda stepped in to help cook Suzanne’s fish (which Suzanne hadn’t gotten right) and when it wasn’t prepared properly, Suzanne kind of threw Amanda under the bus.

I think Suzanne knows her stuff (or at least she knows more about cooking scallops than Tennille) and is the second best chef on the red team behind Ariel. To be honest, I don’t even think that she’s TRYING to sabotage her teammates. I just think that she’s an incredibly selfish player (which isn’t the worst thing in the world) who invariably rubs her teammates the wrong way. Still, I wish she were a little likable, clever or charismatic if she’s going to be this season’s villain. Instead, she’s bossy, off-putting and, simply put, not terribly fun to watch.

Tennille (who was thrilled to be best of the worst) nominated Suzanne and Sabrina for elimination, with Ramsay wisely adding Amanda on the chopping block. I thought things were going to get a bit out of hand during the elimination when Tennille and Suzanne started arguing, and I was actually shocked to find that Tennille (for the first time this season?) was actually being reasonable and making good points about how Suzanne is a sucky teammate.

Still, Suzanne did not deserve to go home, and Ramsay sent home sweet, likable Amanda instead. According to Ramsay, “sweet and likable” aren’t very good qualities for a head chef, but I’m still going to assume Mrs. Ramsay had a little input into this elimination. The fact that Ramsay told her she has no chance to win a few weeks back may have also had something to do with it.

So what’d you think of this episode? Why does Ramsay ask someone to nominate people for elimination if he’s just going to pick whoever he wants anyway? (Is it to test the chef’s integrity/decision-making abilities?) Did anyone else see Tek working in the background during one of the dinner service shots of Amanda? (If you have this episode recorded, check it out. Maybe my tired eyes are failing me tonight.) Would you have sent Sabrina home instead? Finally, anybody out there ever sampled that delicacy that is boiled coconut?

Hell's Kitchen: Oh Craps

No, I’m not psychic.

This is a recap for LAST WEEK’S episode of “Hell’s Kitchen”, which I just got around to watching and writing about Monday night.

Well, it’s not really a recap. Everything that can be said about last week’s Vegas-centric installment has probably already been said. Instead, I’m going to jot down some quick thoughts in case anyone out there cares to read them (and because I’m an obsessive completist and skipping a recap would’ve irked me as much as a dozen paper cuts).

- Despite the fact that the week’s Vegas theme was completely random – was it a nod or a “take that” to the current “Top Chef: Vegas”? – I really enjoyed this week’s creative challenge.

If the producers spent more time coming up with ingenious ideas for challenges – the teams had to roll a giant Scattergories die on a craps table and pick an ingredient that started with that letter to create a meal – and less time trying to make every challenge look ridiculously, unrealistically close, then we might have something on our hands.

- I should’ve seen the men’s victory coming after the odds were ridiculously stacked in the women’s favor. The red team made the controversial decision to select ingredients that actually complemented each other, while the blue team had to work with tomatoes, angel hair pasta, apple, haddock and (needle scratching on record sound) figs. (Thanks, Dave!).

Still, Kevin (looking more and more like the champion each week) and his teammates were pleasantly surprised when the dish gelled together and the men won a trip to Vegas.

- I thought the show’s unseen narrator was particularly frisky last night, wondering if the men would be able to “fig-ure” out what to make.

- My girlfriend Erica is convinced that Van is secretly a black guy. After hearing him say something like “the girls’ food looked so pretty – like it came out of a COOKBOOK!” and sounding like Tracy Jordan, I can kind of see her point.

- The women did well, but lost due to an overly-garlic-y puree, which Tennille tried to warn Ariel about. I felt a little bad for Tennille until I realized that the reason no one listens to her is because she has absolutely no credibility. (Clumsily claiming, “I’m sleep” doesn’t help either.)

- Thanks to the editing, it seems like the red team finally realized what an annoying, pushy downer of a person Suzanne is.

-Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t really have an interest in eating my dinner in a kitchen. Especially not in “Hell’s Kitchen.” It’s WAY too loud, it has to be hot in there, and you can SEE how inept most of these people are (instead of sitting out in the dining room and being blissfully unaware.)

Yet, last night’s dinner service had two pairs of Ramsay’s colleagues observing the action. Dave seems to have won the appetizer/chef’s table battle over Ariel, but the red team would win the war. Nice to see it only took the women about two months to win a dinner service.

- What was up with Ramsay yelling at Kevin for continuing to cook? I guess Ramsay felt like he had to yell at Kevin for SOMETHING? I’m sure he could’ve found a better excuse than, “Stop working and watch me slam this piece of meat down!”

- Robert came back right before the dinner service, and I was about as excited to see him as his fellow blue team members – not very.

Yes, it was somewhat cold of the men to wish that “Big ‘Un” stayed away because things were going well for the blue team. However, it would’ve been easier for me to feel sorry for Robert if he hadn’t been such an obnoxious, abrasive, wildly overrated chef for most of his time on the show this year.

- Andy saying that he wanted to tell Robert to have a salad was cruel. And true. And a little funny. That was actually one of two times the weasely Andy made me laugh. The second came when Ramsay plucked him from safety and onto the chopping block and Andy responded with an exasperated, “F---!”

- Robert confirmed my feelings about him when, instead of defending himself, he cruelly and immaturely attacked Andy, saying that his rival had no chance of winning “Hell’s Kitchen.” The fact that he’s absolutely right is beside the point – the whole thing made Robert look completely classless.

- Ramsay’s openmouthed/incredulous reaction watching Robert and Andy go at it was priceless.

- At least Robert got away from the show before the producers could kill him.

So what’d you think of this episode? Do you feel like Robert got a raw deal? Got any cool ideas for a challenge? Is it just me or did I miss how the men incorporated apple into their meal? Finally, is there anyone who can step up and challenge a Kevin/Ariel final?

(500) Days of Summer Review

Do you remember that 90’s “Saturday Night Live” skit in which Mike Myers played Streisand-loving “Coffee Talk” host Linda Richman and every once in while he/she’d say something like “Talk amongst yourselves. Here’s a topic: butterscotch is neither butter or scotch. Discuss.”

Well, not to go all Linda Richman on you, but here’s a topic: today’s romantic comedies are rarely romantic or comedic. Discuss.

Maybe it’s just me and maybe I’m just missing the good ones. However, it appears to me that most of today’s “chick flicks” seem more concerned with detachedly examining the mechanics of modern relationships (“He’s Just Not That Into You”) or adhering to a predictable (yet crowd-pleasing) formula than with actually enchanting an audience and making them laugh/think/feel. Then again, I’m the guy who called “Wall-E” the best love story in years, so I probably have a quirkier eye for love stories than most.

Ok, this is all my fancy, self-indulgent way of saying that you should see “(500) Days of Summer,” the best romantic comedy in years and my favorite movie of 2009.

All this despite the fact that the narrator tells us at the very beginning that this is NOT a love story - and he’s not lying.

The movie chronicles the year-and-a-half relationship between greeting card writer and hopeless romantic Tom (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) and Summer (Zooey Deschanel), the girl who shares his taste in indie music and doesn’t believe in love.

This is director Marc Webb’s first movie, and I’d actually count it among the most impressive feature film debuts in recent years. The movie’s main conceit – telling the story of Tom and Summer’s 500-day relationship out of order – could be seen as gimmicky, but I think it works because when people look back at relationships they don’t often recount them in chronological order. (This is where I pause to give credit to co-writers Scott Neudstadter and Michael H. Weber for their brilliant script.) Jumping around also allows a bit of melancholy to creep into the movie’s early moments, while also adding a dash of welcome humor and optimism to the inevitable downer of a second half.

Webb also throws in a few tricks (a joyous musical number after Tom and Summer’s first night together, a French arthouse cinema parody) that might be annoying to some people, but are right in my wheelhouse. The best is a beautiful and heartbreaking split-screen sequence showing how reality and Tom’s expectations don’t align.

Let me talk about Joseph Gordon-Levitt for a paragraph or two. He’s always been good, hasn’t he? He was good as a child/teen actor (“Angels in the Outfield”, “3rd Rock from the Sun”, “10 Things I Hate About You”) and he’s earned plenty of respect in recent years as a film actor (“Mysterious Skin”, “Brick”, “The Lookout”).

However, “500 Days” is really the first time I’ve really seen him as a leading MAN. He’s still a young leading man (the boyish face remains), but the heartbreak, humor, insecurity and passion he brings to this character adds up to a truly star-making performance for a guy who was already VERY good.
Of course, I don’t want to shortchange Zooey Deschanel. The thing with Zooey Deshcanel is that you’re pretty much always going to get the same wide-eyed, slightly-detached, vaguely ironic indie rock chick performance no matter what movie she’s in. (Even if people are dying all around her like in “The Happening.”) It just so happens that she’s absolutely perfect in this role. Summer is totally honest with Tom regarding her (non)feelings on love from the very beginning, but Deschanel still manages to make the character utterly irresistible. Best use of Zooey Deschanel EVER.

This being a rom-com and all, there ARE a couple of lively supporting performances to be enjoyed. Geoffrey Arend is funny as Tom’s karaoke-loving co-worker. On the other hand, though Chloe Moretz scores some laughs as Tom’s tough-talking younger sister, her character was the only one in the movie that didn’t ring true for me. It felt like the writers were stretching for cheap chuckles.

However, that’s just a minor complaint in a movie that gets SO much right about relationships. One of those things is the idea that, in real life, there are often times where a guy is more into a girl than she is into him. “500 Days” also sneakily subverts the audience’s expectation that just because two characters are the male and female leads they should (or HAVE to) end up together.
The narrator turns out to be right – this is NOT a love story. The beauty of “(500) Days of Summer” is that, by the end, I desperately wanted it to be.

(500) Days of Summer…A

"Why, Erica, Why?" Summer Movie Library Series: Goya's Ghosts

The movie is called “Goya’s Ghosts” – was I COMPLETELY wrong to expect the flick to actually focus on famous Spanish painter Francisco Goya. (Or at least the bean guy?)

Goya is merely a supporting player in the movie that bears his name (mostly wasting a lively performance by Stellan Skarsgard as the painter). Instead, the focus is on one of the artist’s muses (played by Natalie Portman) who is labeled a heretic, and a client of Goya’s (played by Javier Bardem) who also happens to be a prominent monk during the Spanish Inquisition.

Then again, the fact that this isn’t a Goya biopic is not all bad (it’s not like I was DYING to see a Francisco Goya biopic).

Director Milos Forman’s drama looks great and certainly deals with a compelling topic (maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think we’ve gotten THE great movie about the Spanish Inquisition) while finding a way to make it relevant to today’s audiences. In fact, the scene that addresses whether or not a confession acquired through torture is valid was probably a little too on-the-nose.

Unfortunately, the movie is also plagued by a general chintziness that should NOT be associated with the guy who made “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” and “Amadeus.”

Bardem, for example, gives a solid performance as the complex, charismatic Lorenzo. However, I spent about 60% of his time onscreen wondering why a director would hire Bardem (probably Spain’s greatest actor) to play a Spanish character only to have him speak in heavily-accented English. Yes, I know the rest of the movie is in English, but English is CLEARLY not Bardem’s first language and he probably would’ve been more comfortable acting in Spanish. Hiring Javier Bardem to play a Spanish character while forcing him to speak English is kind of like buying a Porsche, but only using it to drive your kid to baseball practice - it’s kind of a waste.

At least Bardem came out ahead of Natalie Portman. Portman is effective during the scenes in which her character is brutally interrogated. However, she definitely falls into that American actor trap where they use the same vaguely European accent no matter where in Europe the character is supposed to be from (Angelina Jolie in “Alexander” is in this Hall of Fame). Later, Portman is asked to wear borderline-embarrassing old age makeup. Even more questionably, she plays a second role, turning up as her own character’s daughter. Let’s pause a second to get Erica’s reaction:

“That’s retarded.” – Erica.

I agree 100%.

Though the movie boasts some interesting characters (even the bad guys get a shot at being somewhat sympathetic) and “interesting” performances, “Goya’s Ghosts” ends up being a fine-looking wasted opportunity. The good news is that the great defining Spanish Inquisition movie is yet to be made, in case anybody’s interested in making a movie that’s not a remake, sequel or an adaptation of an old TV show.

Goya’s Ghosts…C+

Models of the Runway Review

Who knew that what “Project Runway” really needed was a “Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead”-style companion show?

“Models of the Runway” premiered last night, and I was pleasantly surprised by how good it was. (Admittedly, there’s a 25% chance I was simply grateful the show is only 30 minutes after sitting through three straight hours of “Runway.”)

When I first heard about the show, I didn’t think it was a great idea. I mean, we’ve all had to hear Heidi say, “Models this is a competition for you as well” for five years, but none of us have actually cared about that aspect of “Runway” before, right? Who wants to see these no-name girls live in a house and bicker “Top Model”-style?

Fortunately, “Models” has been designed to run concurrently with the events on the current season of “Runway.” As a result, we not only get additional insider-y looks at the designers (who will apparently make cameos, along with Heidi), but we get the models’ insight on the main “Runway” competition. I’m curious to see whether the designers the models like and the designers who do well on the show (Christopher is very popular right now – Ari and Mitchell, not so much) continue to match up.

On top of that, the tense shot of the models backstage watching Ari get eliminated hammered home (moreso than Heidi’s empty script) that this IS a competition for them too.

Since the show was only 30 minutes, we barely got to know any of the models except for Yosuzi (who still has tire tracks all over her from being thrown under the bus by Mitchell) and Katie and Tara, who got to share a vaguely Emmy-themed reward that really just made the other girls jealous. In fact, the “model house” aspect of the show was, by far, the weakest for me.

Still, I enjoyed the show, and it seems like the weekly model selection (usually a waste of time on “Runway”) will take place during this half hour. Last night, Mitchell switched models and Yosuzi ended up being the odd woman out.

The show has made several changes to help “Models” succeed. For example, now the designers will pick models every week, instead of that option only going to the challenge winner. Also, I’m fairly certain the previous “Runway” models didn’t get a model house and had to walk to the set from their apartments.

Overall, “Models” is a spinoff/companion piece with real, experienced models (my girlfriend Erica couldn’t get over how skinny they all are) that will only enhance the “Runway” experience.

“Models of the Runway”…B+

Project Runway: Johnny Drama

“Project Runway” season 6 premiere, we hardly knew ye.

With the All-Star edition of the “Runway” franchise inexplicably taking up two hours, we hardly got a chance to meet the 16 (well, 15 by the end of the hour) designers vying for the sixth season crown. I mean, what would you rather have? Two hours with Santino whining about a broken needle, Chris March napping and a bunch of designers we already know or an extended premiere so that we can better decide who to get behind with this new batch of contestants?

As a result, a handful of personalities dominated screen time, while we’re left to wonder about the majority of the designers. Here’s a sampling of the notes I took during the premiere to help me remember people: Gordana = like her accent. New Uli? Nicolas: douche-y guy with a stupid haircut. Irina: inspired by her dog to make handbags. Louise: I didn't know Diablo Cody was a designer. Epperson: I didn't know Bobby McFerrin was a designer (courtesy of my girlfriend, Erica). Carol Hannah: pick ONE name. Shirin: ?? I’ve got nothing.

The people we DID get to know included Johnny (pictured, right), who had been repeatedly rejected for the show on the count of his meth addiction. (Maybe he should’ve tried one of the VH-1 shows.) Midway through the first challenge – creating a red carpet look for $200 – the stress of the competition caused him to have a meltdown. While it may seem discouraging to completely lose your s--- during the FIRST challenge, I’m surprised this doesn’t happen more often. Sure, most of these people work in the fashion world, but the insanely short amount of time designers on “Runway” have to finish their challenges seems insane, and it was actually a little refreshing to see someone crack under the pressure.

Fortunately, this afforded Tim Gunn the chance to remind us why he’s the most awesome person ever, gently telling Johnny to let it out and talking him off the ledge.

The rest of the drama in the workroom centered on Ari’s outfit, which Tim dubbed a halter diaper during his mid-challenge checkup, and the fact that Mitchell’s measurements for his models were WAY off. (According to Mitchell, this was the model’s fault.) As a result, Mitchell had to improvise and ended up sending his model out on the runway in what looked like a sheer bed sheet, turtleneck combination that looked like it was both WAY too revealing and incredibly constricting.

This week’s guest judge was actress, “singer” and “designer” Lindsay Lohan. All kidding about her credentials aside, I found her scowling and barely-hidden contempt for some of the looks highly-entertaining.

With 16 looks making their way down the runway, I honestly don’t remember too many standouts besides the ones the judges named to the top and bottom 3. (Maybe if the show had developed each designer more, I would’ve given a crap and paid more attention to each of their work.)

The top 3 was comprised of Ra’mon (nice use of an apostrophe), Christopher (Minnesota-nice novice designer) and Johnny (who managed to create a pretty and flowy – too flowy for my taste – red dress). Though Erica preferred Ra’mon’s pretty, purple, not totally-original asymmetrical dress, I agreed with the judges’ decision to give Christopher the victory for his hipper, more interesting dress. It goes to show you don’t need to know what smocking is to win a challenge on “Runway.” (Part of the reason I like Christopher is because I have no idea what smocking is either.)

The bottom three was made up of Qristyl’s “Two-Face” dress, Mitchell’s nightie and Ari’s “Planet Disco Soccer Ball” (good to have you back, Mr. Kors). The decision came down to Mitchell and Ari and I was certain the show would dump Mitchell, since quirky personalities usually win out over blah design and poor execution. So I was a little surprised to see Ari sent packing and Mitchell live to see another day. (Maybe they’re positioning Mitchell to be one of this season’s bad-ish guys seeing as how he threw his model under the bus – see “Models of the Runway”)

So what’d you think of this episode? Were you left wanting more? Did you see any major differences with the show being in L.A. (the rooftop scene looked sunnier than usual and the workroom was more spacious) and on Lifetime? (Not really for me, except for the “Army Wives” and “Drop Dead Diva” commercials.) Finally, who are some of your favorites? I’m anointing Ra’mon as my Ridiculously Early Pick to Win it All. He seems skilled and his braininess (dude was studying to be a neurosurgeon) should lead to some interesting work.

Project Runway All-Star Challenge Review

Before “Project Runway” came back for its sixth season premiere, fans (especially long-time fans) were treated to a tasty appetizer.

Except it was the sort of tasty appetizer that costs $8 and leaves you stuffed and wondering why you ordered an entrée.

The one-time, two-hour “Project Runway All-Star Challenge” was right in my wheelhouse. I started watching the show in season 2, so it really didn’t bother me that the All-Star challenge didn’t include any of the show’s alums from season 1. “All-Star” featured some of the show’s most likable contestants, super-talented also-rans, and “colorful” personalities. (“Colorful” being a code word for a-holes.)

Season 2’s Daniel Vosivic and Santino Rice, season 3’s Jeffrey Sebelia, Uli Herzner and Mychael Knight, season 4’s Sweet P Vaughn and Chris March, and season 5’s Korto Momolu all returned to compete for a $100,000 prize. The challenge was to create a three-piece mini collection, with one of the pieces required to be red-carpet worthy. (The All-Star challenge took place in New York, but the show didn’t want to miss a chance to plug its upcoming L.A. season.) Special guest Nicole Kidman announced (via taped message) that the red carpet look would be worn to the premiere of her new movie, “Nine.” (I’m SO there!)

Coming into this thing, I had the designers separated into the aforementioned camps. I had Daniel and Korto as “super-talented also-rans”, I had Mychael, Uli, Chris and Sweet P” as “likable contestants”(obviously, they’re talented too), and I had Jeffrey and Santino as the “colorful characters”. Although a couple of the “likable” designers showed some serious chops, everyone mostly stayed in their little boxes.

Much of the show was dominated by Jeffrey and Santino, probably two of the show’s most notorious villains. I actually enjoyed each of these guys during their original runs (Jeffrey was a bit of a toolbox, but I liked his style and Santino WAS legitimately funny), but during “All-Star” the two (especially Santino) seemed almost obligated to play up their “villainous” characters.

I mean, how else to explain Jeffrey’s decision to grow a porn-stache that made him look like Thomas Jane in “Boogie Nights”? I wondered why Jeffrey was asked (and would agree) to come back since he actually won his season and I saw this as more of a wild-card competition for designers who didn’t win. Then I realized I big part of the appeal for Jeffrey (other than the cash) was the chance to obnoxiously plug his band “Sing Orpheus” by wearing their T-shirt throughout. Still, just like when he was on the show originally, Jeffrey was on target a couple of times with his comments. I chuckled out loud during the show’s cheesy intro when one losing designer said, “They got it wrong,” followed by Jeffrey’s, “No they didn’t.” Also, while his crack about Mychael’s Fashion Week collection not being All-Star worthy may have been harsh, it was also 100% true.

Santino, on the other hand, basically just acted (in the words of Korto) like a “fool.” In his intro, he claimed that “Project Runway” didn’t make him - HE made “Project Runway.” While this statement is undoubtedly ludicrous (especially now that Christian Siriano is the biggest star to ever come out of this show), it’s not COMPLETELY ridiculous when you think about the impact he had on the show’s second season and really helping it cross over to the mainstream. The rest of the time, he seemed more content with distracting his competitors and drawing attention to himself than with actually completing his metallic and camel toe-tastic collection. Oh well, at least he polished off his fantastic Tim Gunn impersonation again.

Besides Jeffrey and (especially) Santino’s antics, the workroom sessions were kind of a bore. (These people HAVE been through this before). It was so boring that Chris decided to take a nap throughout most of the competition. The only “drama” the show could muster was a low-wattage feud between Uli and Sweet P. All it amounted to was basically that the two had very similar taste now that Uli had decided to move away from her signature prints.

Midway through the challenge, the producers threw the designers a curveball by making them design a fourth look using only material from the STK restaurant where they were dining. I knew there’d be a twist at the restaurant and this turn of events delighted me. This new challenge was SO “Project Runway.”

The fashion show came along, and it was good to see Michael, Nina, pregnant Heidi and guest Diane Von Furstenberg (or was that “Nine” co-star Sophia Loren) back along the runway and ready to judge.

Actually, the runway show turned out to be rather unspectacular since - once again - these people mostly know what they’re doing. Mychael, Jeffrey, Santino and Uli were in the bottom four and eliminated. Personally, I might have subbed Uli in for Chris in the top 4 (his red carpet dress was WAY too much), but the guy was so touched to be considered among the best that I’ll let it slide.

Sweet P impressed the judges by incorporating a bit of her biker chick aesthetic and making it both pretty and, well, sweet. Though she finished third, it seemed like she got a good boost of confidence.

Coming into this thing, I felt like Daniel was going to win because he really should’ve beat out Chloe Dao in season two. However, after actually seeing the challenge, I felt like Korto (very flattering to women, VERY well-made and vibrant) would win. Her restaurant dress was better than anything out there, for my money.

It was not to be. Daniel and his inspired, athletic-looking collection won over Korto’s more wearable looks, leaving Korto as a bitter second-place finisher her last two times on the runway. Congrats to Daniel, a very deserving (and considerably richer) winner.

So what’d you think of the All-Star challenge? Which past contestant would you rather have seen? (I would’ve preferred to see Laura Bennett in place of the totally disinterested-looking Mychael.) Which “Nine” star could wear Daniel’s dress at the red carpet? (I’m thinking Kate Hudson.) Did you catch Heidi’s obviously dubbed-over line about the champagne she was drinking on the roof top not being real? Did this thing REALLY need to be two hours? Finally, do you think Korto (or Sweet P) should’ve won?

Project Runway All-Star Challenge…B

Hell's Kitchen: The Heart of the Matter

AFTER A RELATIVELY SLEEPY EPISODE LAST WEEK, “HELL’S KITCHEN” RETURNED WITH AN EPISODE THAT HAD IT ALL — A LITTLE TENDERNESS, A PAIR OF SEMI-GRATUITOUS BOOB SHOTS (I GUESS ARIEL IS OFFICIALLY THIS SEASON’S SEX SYMBOL) A(NOTHER) TRIP TO THE HOSPITAL AND A SPECTACULAR BLOW-UP IN THE KITCHEN!

(IN CASE YOU’RE WONDERING WHY I’M YELLING IN ALL CAPS, IT’S BECAUSE I WANT TO MAKE SURE I CONVEY THE PASSION AND INTENSITY REQUIRED TO WRITE THIS “HELL’S KITCHEN” RECAP SO CHEF RAMSAY DOESN’T ELIMINATE ME.)

Ok, I’m done with that because it’s incredibly obnoxious.

The continuation of “Hell’s Kitchen” actually kicked off with a really nice, tender scene. Sure, Ramsay isn’t exactly Mr. Rogers, but his gentle and firm reassurance to Amanda (“I’m counting on you — bounce back quickly”) after essentially telling her she had no chance to win during last week’s elimination was surprisingly touching. I actually believed he cared. Although we all tune in to see Ramsay maniacally yell out things like “Peppery, peppery!” I like it when the softer side of Ramsay makes a cameo appearance.

Given what would happen at the end of the episode, maybe Amanda’s crying over her poor performance is what convinced Ramsay she had the heart to remain in “Hell’s Kitchen.” (Not to actually WIN “Hell’s Kitchen”, but to at least hang around a while longer.)

After the chefs returned to the dorm, Tennille kept complaining about how her team was out to get her based solely on her past work, but I honestly switch off whenever Tennille starts talking.

The next day, the chefs faced their challenge, which involved creating a meal (appetizer, entrée and dessert) for under 700 calories. Robert had a funny line about taking 700-calorie bites (it’s funny because it’s true) and despite their insufferable overconfidence the guys seemed generally doomed from the beginning. First they were WAY over their limit (around 1000 calories) before they even had a dessert, but eventually wound up more than 100 calories under the limit.

The women, on the other hand, were led by Sabrina who works at a health club and spa. Usually when a chef on this show says something like, “______ is my specialty, we’ve got this in the bag,” they end up falling on their face. However, Sabrina took charge and delivered a really delicious-looking meal from top to bottom. Even the show’s editors (who LOVE to make every challenge seem as if it came down to the wire) had no way of making this look close. The “suspense” was amusingly built around the reveal of the men’s pathetic crepe dessert (courtesy of Dave and Andy). I love that Ramsay just laughed — he couldn’t even really get upset.

As a reward, the women won a trip to the beach and a volleyball lesson from Olympian Annett Davis (random!). Ramsay sentenced the men to prep the kitchen and the show once again tried to kill Robert.

I mean, what other explanation is there? First, the producers bring Robert back, despite the fact that he actually appears to be heavier than he was last year, when he bowed out because of his heart. Now, they make the men ride some sort of circular bicycle contraption (alternate title for this recap: Circle Jerks) UP a hill to fetch ingredients. As a result, Robert took a trip to the emergency room and missed the dinner service. It’s a good thing this is probably all manufactured drama to keep things interesting and that the show isn’t actually trying to kill Robert (right?!)

With Robert missing, the teams were equal — which was perfect because both teams were equally terrible.

Despite struggling a bit with the scallops (I believe that was the first time Ramsay yelled at Ariel), the women got off to a better start. Then came the giant blowup between Ramsay and Tennille, which did NOT disappoint.

Tennille was struggling with her portion sizes, and Ramsay called her “crap”, an insult which Tennille reciprocated. Ramsay kicked her off the line and the two got into a shouting match in a back room. I know I tease this show for being staged and for manufacturing drama, but if this fight was fake, then Tennille (which her tear-streaked face) is one of the best actresses we’ve seen in “Hell’s Kitchen.” I also enjoyed her intense “GET OFF MY STATION — PLEASE!” when she returned.

Unfortunately for the women, Sabrina started crashing and burning. First she misplaced an entire chicken (I loved Ramsay asking if they needed a detective) and sent some tragically undercooked pork into the dining room.

All that being said, I still thought they might pull out the win because the men were ever so slightly worse. Jim took forever in making his risotto, which was too peppery, then too bland and never did get just right. Ramsay compared it to baby food (I wish he would’ve used “baby vomit” again), which prompted Jim to crack, “Baby food is goooood.” (Funny.)

After that, Kevin irked the struggling Dave and Andy (who REALLY sucks) at their respective stations by bossing them around before Ramsay shut both kitchens down and charged each team with coming up with a consensus nominee for elimination.

The women nominated Sabrina, who WAS the worst of the evening and claimed that Tennille should be up there for “walking off the line” (despite the fact that Tennille was temporarily KICKED off by Ramsay). The men, despite having two worthy candidates in Jim and Andy, nominated the absent Robert, which didn’t sit right with Ramsay. Andy (who thought he’d dodged a bullet) was called to the firing line anyway.

Ramsay debated his choices and let go of (needle scratching on record sound) Jim. Huh?! Sure, the fact that Jim isn’t the most outwardly intense person on this show had been hinted at before, but I’ll miss the guy precisely because he was low-key funny and because he didn’t feel like he had to resort to acting like a maniac just because he was on this show.

The reason this firing is a TRULY terrible decision is because Andy is just as lazy/laid-back/ill-suited for the insanity of “Hell’s Kitchen” (he admitted to Chef Ramsay that he was intimidated by him) AND he seems like a much worse cook than Jim.

Oh well, hopefully Jim is relaxing on a couch with a bottle of Gerber and enjoying not being berated anymore.

So what’d you think of this episode? Will Robert make it out of this competition alive? Who would you have fired? Finally, where DID that chicken go?

Hell's Kitchen: Low Tek

Is “Hell’s Kitchen” in the midst of some sort of image rehabilitation program?

A couple of episodes ago, Chef Ramsay had the contestants cook up an Italian meal for a group of hungry firefighters during the weekly challenge. Last night centered almost entirely around the return of Marine Staff Sergeant Otis James after a 30-month stint in Iraq and the grand meal that would welcome him back.

Hey, I’m like you — I watch this show to see these poor souls screw up and to have Ramsay come up with exceedingly creative (and LOUD) ways to insult them. Still, it’s nice to see the contestants (and Ramsay) NOT behave like complete beasts every once in a while and do something nice for a deserving group of folks (even if they may or may not be manufacturing sympathy).

Of course, judging from next week’s previews, it looks like all of that goodwill goes out the window when Tennille gets in Ramsay’s face and Robert dies!!! (Maybe.)

But before we got to that, we had to deal with this week’s episode, which ended up being a relatively dull, one-sided affair.

For this week’s challenge, each team had to prepare an appetizer and two entrees for Sgt. James’ wife Lytasha, who would pick a winner based on what her husband would like. Wanting to encourage communication, Ramsay recruited Robert and Suzanne to consult with Lytasha in private and relay a clear direction to their respective teams.

And this is where the men’s domination began. In Kevin’s words, Robert conveyed Lytasha’s message (soul food, GRILLED lobster) by directing and not dictating. It only took about a month, but it was the first time Robert has been impressive this season. Suzanne, on the other hand, had a very clear idea of what she wanted to make (which isn’t entirely bad) but seemed completely selfish and unresponsive to her teammates’ suggestions (which was VERY bad, especially considering that Tennille’s jambalaya sauce would’ve probably been right up Sgt. James’ alley).

This being, “Hell’s Kitchen” the challenge HAD to come down to the very last dish. The women took the appetizer round with their salad (and Kevin took the “Sexist Comment of the Night” award by remarking that women will pick a salad 9 out of 10 times), while the men won the two entrée rounds, highlighted by Robert’s GRILLED lobster.

As a reward, the men got to take a ride in fighter jets (I enjoyed their slow-mo walk on the runway — talk about “The Wrong Stuff”) while the women had to stay and decorate the dining room under the direction of Chef Ramsay’s wife, Tana. (I guess Jean-Philippe had the afternoon off.) The show and the contestants inexplicably tried to play up Tana’s bossiness, but she actually seemed like a perfectly nice woman. The women eventually goofed around with the helium intended for the balloons. Yes, we’ve seen this gag a thousand times, but I actually enjoyed watching the challenge losers actually have fun with their punishment for a change.

Before the dinner service (which featured a nice little surprise party reveal for Sgt. James, pictured, left), it seemed like there was some sabotage afoot (did I really just say “afoot”?) Since the men won, both teams would be preparing food from the blue team menu and the men seemed more than a little reluctant to share the finer points of their dishes. Although Jim’s silent shoulder shrug was very funny, I actually thought this was an overall dick move by the guys.

I suppose if the sabotage had been the thing that caused the women to lose, I’d still be annoyed. However, the women were perfectly content to self-destruct on their own.

Both teams sent out their appetizers will little incident (except for Sabrina trying to serve some cold mushrooms). Then it seems like everybody in the restaurant decided to order steak. It looked like Jim was going to get slammed, but Kevin was with him and maybe a little overeager to get his back. (Was Kevin being a good teammate or trying to make himself look good at the expense of another? And if it’s the latter, is that necessarily wrong in a competition?)

On the red team, Tek became COMPLETELY overwhelmed by the onslaught at the grill. She refused to put some of her steaks in the oven after they were marked by the grill and fell hopelessly behind. What does “hopelessly behind” mean? It means that the men finished their service before the women even sent out ONE entrée. (Just for kicks, Amanda almost sent out a raw lobster.) The men eventually crossed the kitchen and helped the women finish in what was probably the most one-sided dinner service I’ve seen on this show. (Usually the incompetence is equally distributed.)

Since the women were so bad, there was no “Best of the Worst” and Ramsay asked the red team to come up with two nominees. Tek was a no-brainer, but the women ended up naming Tennille as the second nominee. Now Tennille is clearly not the sharpest tool in the shed (or the most talented chef), and every time she talks in her confessionals I kind of want to punch myself, but she did NOT deserve to be up for elimination based on her work last night and the fact that she HAS improved since her first couple of weeks (though she’s not as “strong” as she thinks she is). Mostly, I knew she wouldn’t be going home since we hadn’t yet seen her upcoming blowup with Ramsay (which was teased in the season premiere).

Ramsay subbed out Tennille and brought Amanda to the firing squad. Amanda tearfully defended herself, but that didn’t stop Ramsay from coldly saying, “I’m looking right through your eyes, and I think you’re done.” To me, that was more hurtful than any of his outrageous rants (and I hate to kind of agree with him). Still, Ramsay eliminated Tek, who had actually gotten increasingly worse each week and failed to live up to her self-proclaimed “crazy badass girl” reputation.

So what’d you think of this episode? Do we think that Robert was excluded from this week’s reward the same way he was barred from riding a helicopter last season? (Not to be mean, but how can he possibly fit into a cockpit? I don’t remember seeing him flying) Am I the only one who had no idea Chef Ramsay was married? Finally, who’s more likely to leave “Hell’s Kitchen” next week — Robert or Tennille?