America's Next Top Recap: A Bunch of Hot Air

Well, a lot happened last night.

Unfortunately, hardly any of it had to do with modeling or the competition. Normally, I wouldn't care if the modeling takes a backseat to some juicy developments in the house. However, last night's faux-drama was so obviously manufactured and blown out of proportion that it mostly ended up being a waste of time.

I'll get to that eventually, but first let me talk about the little substance there actually was in this episode. This week, the contestants had their annual meeting with America's Next Top Recap" favorite Benny Ninja.

I know he's allegedly there to teach the girls how to bend their bodies into interesting poses, but last night, he seemed a little light on actually instruction. In fact, all he did was introduce an Australian model/fellow contortionist, and team up with her to criticize the contestants as they struggled inside red fabric tubes that made the models look like they were babies in a womb (except less graceful). (Actually, Benny also went on to wear a comically small shiny top hat slanted on his head during the challenge later.) In what would become a recurring theme, Nikeysha seemed to struggle the most with her posing, while the surprisingly limber Sheena went over the top and into hooch territory with her posing.

Both of those themes showed up again during the week's challenge, where the contestants had to model handbags and accessories by Tarina Tarantino (that can't be her real name, right?) I'm not really sure why Nikeysha thought it was a good idea to tell someone she's never met that she has to pee right before she's going to work for them, but she did anyway. Meanwhile, Sheena went looked at "over the top" laughed and went over THAT as she contorted herself impressively, but placed the handbag in front of her lady bits. (What? Is that not flattering?) This was followed by an entertaining montage of the contestants quivering as they struggled to hold their poses (get off that chandelier, you!), but, in the end, Elina came out on top and won a Tarantino handbag full of goodies for her trouble.

Meanwhile, back at the house, the girls were bonding at that good ol' reality show standby — the hot tub. The girls played truth or date and Sheena danced on a dare and claimed she wasn't a hooch (as footage of her grinding her ass out was shown — brilliant). Also, Elina kissed Clark, thereby fulfilling what seemed like a lifelong fantasy for her. I would've been a little more excited if Clark weren't such a bitch (though we didn't see any of that this week) and if Elina hadn't pulled a clearly hesitant Clark toward her quite as much.

Shortly after that, we got Shovegate. Ok, it's not really called that, but I have to call Hannah (pictured, right) lightly pushing Isis away as she danced neared her something. We never know how these things are edited to look, but the moment led to an awkward silence and, eventually, the revelation that Hannah doesn't feel comfortable about all these "characters." She also called herself the "stereotypical white girl" and said she would never walk into a room, exclaiming "heeeeyyy," ala Nikeysha.

Personally, I don't think Hannah is an evil racist. In fact, she's neither evil nor racist. In my opinion, the girl (who apparently lived in an igloo, according to the way she talks) has never been around people with such diverse personalities and feels completely uncomfortable. She's not mean, she's just ignorant. However, despite the fact that reality shows DO tend to cast certain types of people, calling her fellow competitors "characters" is a little demeaning. Then again, I didn't agree with the "Hannah, are you a racist ambush" that eventually transpired. That's a matter that should've been discussed with her privately, but I understand that doesn't make for terribly compelling television. And neither does watching Isis give herself a hormone shot. I liked that she had a touching moment with Analeigh, but I just can't stand watching anybody inject themselves with anything. Ack.

Anyway, the week's photo shoot was to have the girls hanging off a rope ladder from a hot air balloon while they tried to maintain their poses. On one hand, I was pretty impressed with most of the girls' pictures. On the other hand, I was majorly disappointed the hot air balloon had to be scrapped for safety issues (the girls hung from a limp ladder attached to a crane instead). I mean, who wouldn't want to see them try to "remember their faces" and come up with interesting poses while whipping around the air? The challenge was safer, but considerably less exciting without the balloon (who the hell cares about safety?!)

My favorites of the bunch were Joslyn, Elina (inviting Angelina Jolie comparisons), Marjorie (striking gold with her garment and the wind) and Lauren Brie, who's picture nearly caused the judges to have an orgasm. I thought it was a fierce shot, but I don't know if it was Top 5 in "Model" history as Tyra claimed. Most of the other shots were pretty solid too, except for Nikeysha and Isis (Paulina REALLY hated that shot), who landed in the bottom two.

Other highlights (or lowlights) from the judging panel included Tyra scolding a few of the girls for not dressing properly. (How do these girls not get it? It'd be like going on "Hell's Kitchen" and not knowing how to make risotto.) Paulina also asked Sheena if her breasts were fake after seeing how curiously firm they were in her shot. Sheena first claimed they were real, but then fessed up to them being fake. The panel praised her for being honest, but I think her actions would've been more praiseworthy if she hadn't lied in the first place — especially since the main reason she confessed was because pretty much everyone in the panel knew she was lying.

In the least suspenseful elimination in quite some time, Nikeysha went home after a second straight week in the bottom two (although I DID like how they had her continue talking through the end credits). Also, there was NO WAY they were getting rid of Isis so early.

So what'd you think of this episode? Is Hannah a racist? Is this the most obvious elimination ever? Which one is Samantha again? Finally, can Sheena ever turn down the hooch? (More importantly, would we want her to?) Meet me here next week and we'll talk about the sure-to-be fascinating makeovers!

Project Runway Rundown: Horror-scope

Well that episode was pretty much a complete disaster.

By disaster, of course, I'm referring to some more wonky judging, an overly goofy and complex challenge resulting in some of the worst designs EVER on this show (outside of menswear challenges). Still, "disaster" also means that the episode was kind of a treat to watch.

With 8 designers left, we're at the halfway point in the competition, so what better time to bring back the first 8 contestants to be kicked off the show. Wait, wha?! (needle scratching on record sound). I actually LOVED this surprise twist because it meant that we'd get to put off missing Stella for one more week. I just wish I remembered who those "Emily" and "Jennifer" people were.

The challenge this week was for the remaining designers to team up with an auf'ed contestant and create an avant garde look. I immediately thought of last year's avant garde challenge and how Christian and Chris came up with that incredible (in every sense of the word) organza gown. After dealing with car parts and drag queens in recent weeks, I was excited (and I'm guessing so were the designers) to see the contestants get a chance to cut loose, go over-the-top and show their creativity.

There were two chicken/egg-ish problems with this: 1.) The producers decided to completely mess up an already interesting-sounding challenge (albeit one that'd been done before) by adding the wrinkle that the contestants needed to be inspired by a team member's astrological sign (which could have been an interesting challenge on its own). 2.) Generally speaking, the designers' work was absolutely terrible. I haven't decided yet if this challenge was an epic fail because the designers this year are not on the level of contestants from past seasons or because the challenge was too jumbled and overstuffed. I'm actually feeling generous and leaning toward the latter because, like I said, astrological signs and avant garde would've been two solid, separate challenges, but, when joined, ended up being two great tastes that didn't taste great together (like chicken and ice cream). To top it all off, the producers (in their infinite wisdom) decided that, after this particularly impossible challenge, TWO people would go home. Wha?!

In the workroom, Tim reached into that fetching black velvet bag, announced the teams and the designers headed to mood where Kenley began bossing Wesley around (no surprise) and Terri and Keith clashed over fabric selection (an even smaller surprise). If you know anything about the way reality shows are edited, you knew these two were in for a rocky week. Also, if you've watched a minute of this show, you knew the Blayne/Stella team was going to be a disaster.

At least Blayne and Stella appeared to enjoy each other's company. Keith (released from his suicide watch) and Terri clashed almost instantly since Terri didn't appear to trust Keith with any tasks (except for counting the pins that fall on the floor). Like most people, I've enjoyed Terri (pictured, left) immensely during her run this season, but I really soured on her this episode. It started with the show's opening scene where she inexplicably declared "the witch is gone" regarding Stella, and continued with her condescending, egomaniacal treatment of Keith. Of course, we've seen her pull this before (with Suede), but the main difference that instead of dissolving into a puddle of tears (ala Suede) Keith seemed content to take a power nap and let his "partner" sink herself.

Even with all that, Terri was a CLEAR second for Most Irritating Person in the Workroom to Kenley. I've defended her in the past, but she sailed cleared off the rails this week, bragging about her AWFUL looking Glenda the Good Witch (good one Tim, even though she stupidly ignored you) outfit with what Leanna rightly called "insane overconfidence." But she didn't stop there. She went on to chastise a few contestants for "talking s--- right in front of her" (would she rather they do it behind her back, ala Kenley) and threatened to set Heidi straight, after Heidi questioned the location of the model's boobs on her bustier. Kenley's so tough that she went ahead and changed the bustier anyway before the runway show. I have to move on, but I didn't even mention her talking back to the judges and claiming that she didn't follow other collections when Michael Kors said he'd seen her look before. Does she think that her not following other fashion collections is a good thing? What a brat!

You've probably noticed I haven't spent any time talking about the successful designs. Well part of the reason for that is that there weren't really any. In fact, for the first time I can remember, we didn't even see the judges talking about the garments they liked. Yeah, I get that the winner was selected by a group of past contestants — including Daniel V., Alison Kelly, Jay McCarroll and the always-welcome Christian Siriano — at a Hayden Planetarium party the day before, but I think part of the reason also included that the top four outfits this week really weren't worth talking about too much.

Sure, my boy Jerrell (one of maybe two or three people this season who seems like a nice person) picked up the win, but I actually liked Joe's "fire" dress a little more (but not nearly enough to get worked up about it, as I have in weeks past). Korto and Leann's designs were nice, but not out-there enough and a bit too literal for my taste.

The bottom four consisted of Terri, Suede, Blayne and Kenley. I already talked about Kenley's bratty behavior, so I feel like I have to dedicate some space to the other atrocities. Was Blayne's fabric-pooping, granny-panty-colored look the worst design this season, or the worst design ever? (Discuss). Meanwhile, my girl Erica and the judges agreed that Terri's outfit looked straight out of "The Wiz." Nina — great to have her back — REALLY hated Terri's outfit, and she did herself no favors by arguing with Keith on the runway. Meanwhile Suede's Aquarius outfit was deemed too boring.

The right move was obviously to get rid of Blayne and Suede because they haven't made anything good yet. Of course, that makes too much sense, so I figured the show would throw in a wrinkle and get rid of Blayne (who HAD to go this week and whose explanation for his "joke" of a look I'm still trying to figure out) and Kenley, who'd made a hideous outfit and had not taken criticism of it well at all.

I was a little shocked when Kenley was the first person to be saved, and I immediately got the sinking feeling that Terri would be going home as well (that feeling was confirmed a minute later). I mean, does past work mean nothing on this show?

Yes, Terri had fallen into the habit of designing the same outfit over and over again, but she was a fixture in the top 3 AND an interesting reality show character. Suede, meanwhile, has barely made anything worth a damn, and the most interesting thing about him is that he refers to himself in the third person, apparently, when he's nervous.

Here's the thing though: I was shockingly a little sad to see Blayne go (licious — the first and last tribute to the guy from me). He was a nice guy, seemed to get along with people, but was just terrible when it came to the work. Also, I think I'd be a little more outraged about Terri being gone if she hadn't been such a beast in this episode, but I still wish it had been Kenley. Hopefully, Kenley will have a Keith-esque crisis of confidence and completely shut down.

So what'd you think of this episode? Which ousted designer were you happiest to see back? Since Bravo is losing the show at the end of the season, why wouldn't they discourage a double elimination and try to keep the show going for as long as possible? Finally, with six designers left, who do you see getting to Bryant Park? (I don't think Suede has any shot, I think Joe has a VERY slight chance, and I think someone will murder Kenley before Fashion Week, so I'm going with Korto, Leann and Jerrell.)

The Shield: Snitch Way is Up

Last week, I was very excited to have the show back and the episode didn't disappoint, delivering the gritty action and black humor we've come to expect from the show.

However, I wasn't too thrilled with this week's episode. Sure, it had great acting and some intense moments between Vic and Shane, but we're used to that by now. Last night seemed like a placeholder episode as a couple of storylines were stuck in neutral.

For example, while it's always impressive to see Vic (pictured, right) work out of a tight jam, how many times have we seen the "Vic and Shane run around behind the captain's back to make a shady deal over the course of one day to protect their asses" thing before? At least 12 times, right? I totally get that the hectic nature of Vic's actions are supposed to illustrate just how deep he's gotten himself (and his family) into the shit, but that doesn't change the fact that we've seen this before.

This time Vic and Shane had to keep Rezian alive (and his family safe) after Cruz Pezuela put a hit on the Armenian in prison. I'm not exactly sure why Vic seemed so surprised that Pezuela would put a hit on Rezian right away after he incited a gang war between the two factions, but whatever.

It just so happens that same day saw the publishing of the ten "Most Wanted" gangs list in the newspaper which (as Vic predicted) only inspired lesser gangs to step up their games. Unfortunately, "stepping up their games" in gang speak, apparently means killing some white people.

As if that wasn't enough to deal with, the shooters were then thought to have a connection to Al-Qaeda and terrorism. Like Vic, we all knew that would turn out to be bogus (some offhand remark by a Spook Street gang leader that got taken seriously), so it kind of seemed like a waste of time and yet another unnecessary hurdle for Vic to jump. I guess it also kept Laurie Holden's Agent Murray around until her storyline really kicks in.

I hate to sound like I'm complaining about everything because there WERE some good things about this storyline. I thought the scene where Shane had to intimidate Rezian's accountant into backing off his testimony while appearing to comfort him was one of the episode's more clever moments. I also really liked the scene between Shane and Vic at the end, where Shane really stood up to Vic a bit after asking if they were cool (calling Ronnie Vic's lapdog was interesting, as was Vic's reaction).

In the end, we figured Vic would find a way to keep Rezian alive (he arranged for protection courtesy of a rival gang), but my favorite parts of this episode were two of the guest actors Mackey and Co. met up with along the way. I only wish I could find their names on IMDb to give them their proper due.

First up was the elderly black woman who gave the Strike Team valuable information on locating the Spook Street shooters. She just acted the hell out of that scene (while a younger black girl yelled "Snitch!" repeatedly). Still, the real star of the episode was the hella-punky shooter who loved to use the N-word (I'm gonna be smarter than Claudette and NOT repeat it). The scene between him and Claudette in the interrogation room is the highlight of the season and I was impressed in how the kid stood up to a powerhouse like CCH Pounder (who brought it, as usual).

The scene also inspired the funniest line from Dutch. After Claudette got in trouble for using the N-word (gotta love lawyers), Dutch asked her, "So you're a racist now? How's that working out for ya?" Please keep giving us at least one "Clutch" moment every week.

That might not be possible, since Dutch has about 180lbs of deadweight dragging him down called Steve Billings. This week, Dutch and BillingsBillings were investigating the death of a girl who was killed by a falling cinder block on the street. It soon became clear her death was no accident, but the problem was none of the tenants in the apartment building wanted to admit they saw anything. The second problem was that didn't give a damn and was more interested in getting a cute witness' phone number. Finally fed up, Dutch hauled everyone down to the station.

Now, I think Dutch and Billings are hilarious together, but this sort of felt like a retread of last week's storyline — Billings doesn't give a damn for 90 percent of the time and then magically turns on the switch and helps solve the case. Billings' "Aha" moment (that no one was speaking because they liked the culprit, who turned out to be the building manager) felt like it came a bit too much out of leftfield.

More interesting was the Danny/Tina dynamic. After being attacked last week, Danny got a little jumpy while trying to clear an apartment in the building during Dutch and Billings' investigation. That led to a tiff between Danny and Tina in the break room, where Danny accused Tina of not clearing the room she was attacked in and Tina accused Danny of not trusting her.

So what'd you think of this episode? How long before Tina gets Danny killed? Do you think anything will come from Cassidy's trying to have Vic arrested? Finally, who do you see coming out on top of the Armenian/Mexican war? Next week's preview looks kinda great. I'll see you then.

Is it too late to revise my statement?

Oops. My bad (scroll all the way down to get the maximum embarrassment on my part).

So do you think they call Vinny Testaverde now or do they wait a few days so they don't look completely desperate? (All kidding aside, their schedule is as soft as whipped cream, so they should be ok.)

Conflict of Interest: Drew Brees edition

This is my first year playing fantasy football in more than one league, so, while I'm sure this is old hat for a lot of you fantasy veterans, it's new to me, which is why I'm introducing this semi-weekly feature.

It's the first weekend of the NFL season and I already have my first fantasy football conflict of interest. It's a doozy too:

Drew Brees (pictured, right) is my starting quarterback in one league, while he's my opponent's starting QB in my other league. On top of that, he's playing the Bucs, my favorite/hometown team. Then again, I picked the Saints to beat the Bucs and I like being right with my picks. So what would I like to see happen?

Dream stat line for Brees: 18-30, 205 yds, 2TD, 1 INT in a loss to the Bucs.

If you have a similar conflict of interest, let's hear about it and what you would like see happen.

America's Next Top Recap: Hot Tranny, Messes

Whenever a "Top Model" season, I mean, cycle ends, we get a few months off from the show's very specific brand of insanity (unless, of course, you tune in regularly to the marathons on VH-1)

Of course, that means whenever the show comes back, as it did last night, we're always almost instantly reminded in why this is the craziest, hottest mess of a show on TV.

Last night we were treated to transsexuals, many spectacularly bad hairdon'ts (though Mr. Jay's floppy hair at the Tom Model Institute of Technology is definitely in the Hall of Fame) and sub Sci-Fi network (not-so) special effects. (Isn't it adorable how the CW doesn't have any money for the good stuff?)

I mentioned the T.M.I.T., which was this year's ridiculous theme for whittling the field down to 14 girls. Past years have included boot camp and "model school" themes, but this year's HAS to take the cake if only for the absolute commitment on the part of Alpha J(!), Beta Jay (!!), and Tyrabot (of course!) because it's always, ALWAYS fun to see Tyra "act." Extra points also go to the wannabe models for gamely playing along with these completely stupid shenanigans (like pretending the J's and Tyra teleported away at one point).

While last night's premiere gave us two hours of Top Model's brand of insanity (which is WAY too much to handle), I was actually happy with that decision. The past couple of years, the first episode of the season has been all about a flurry of girls, having them perform random (often demeaning) exercises, and then cutting a good number of them anyway and, mostly, keeping the loudest ones. Well, that still happened last night — out of the ones cut, I think Kacey, the black girl with glasses, had some potential —, but at least it was followed by an episode in which we got to know the girls of the house a little better. And by, "got to know the girls of the house a little better," I mean, realize that Clark is pretty much a complete bitch.

Before I get to the first episode, let me run through some highlights from the audition hour. As I mentioned before, you could pretty much tell who was going to make it through based on screen time. Another way you could tell who was going to make it through was because of the fact that the identity of the 14 finalists has been well known for quite some time now. Still, the audition hour gave us Tyra showing off her impressive knowledge of English literature, Tyra chasing Hannah from Alaska while pretending to be a moose (are we starting to sense a totally unsurprising Tyra-centric pattern here?).

On the plus side, I was pleasantly surprised that some of the outsize personalities fall firmly on the appealing side instead of being grating. Sure, girls like Joselyn (who is a sequel to cycle 6 winner Danielle) and Sheena (half Korean, half Japanese, all-ghetto) COULD have been annoying, but I like both of them. Of course, my girlfriend Erica thinks I like Sheena because she says she likes black guys. Whatever.

Of course, the big story was Isis (pictured, left, with Mr. Jay, who disappointingly went back to his normal hair), the much-publicized pre-op transgender contestant. Here's my take: I was happy to see that Isis DOES have some modeling chops (she was first noticed in the background of a shoot last year and knows how to find the light) and I was even more impressed by the patient way she handled her competitors' prying questions. If I were one of those competitors I'd have questions too, and she handled them very well. Here's the problem: Isis can talk all she/he wants about how he was born a female mentally or emotionally, but, the fact of the matter is, physiologically she's a male. I haven't read the Top Model rule book (if it exists), but I'm pretty sure this competition is only supposed to be for women. And Isis is a man (baby!) If she were post-op, I might feel differently about it.

That being said, Isis is in the competition, she has a great attitude so I hope she/he finds success. I'm also happy that I was able to spot her as the tranny contestant before I had an uncomfortable moment ala Nigel at the Magic Castle after he checked she/he out.

All the contestants who made it — no plus size model this year, since Whitney won the last cycle, I guess — went to the Magic Castle where they had the opportunity to chat one on one with each of the judges. As usual with this show, if you pay attention to the editing, you can pretty much guess what's going to happen. Sharaun (one of three Britneys who made it, two of whom had to change their names) went on and on about how she was going to win "Top Model" without giving a good reason why (oh oh), while Marjorie showed an apparent lack of confidence I just chalked up to nerves. Meanwhile, Joslyn and Ms. J looked like old friends, while I'm pretty sure the only reason we saw McKey's face time with Paulina was because of her answer to the judges question about what she'd do if a photographer asked her to sleep with him (the Ultimate Fighter would kick him in the balls).

Back at the house, Isis was still the main topic of conversation. Some of the girls (Sheena) seemed to rally and support Isis, while others (Clark and her lackey Hannah) snuck off in distant corners and made ignorant comments. Then again, how can you blame Hannah? She grew up in Alaska without electricity, water or a clue.

The photo shoot this week was designed to make voting sexy and had each of the girls highlighting a different issue from the election. Unfortunately, this was another one of those "Top Model" photo shoots with a vague theme that stumped many of the contestants and had them resorting to generic "sexy poses."

The best of the bunch were Isis and Marjorie (the only two who actually worked with their respective concepts of immigration and privacy), as well as Joslyn. The judges gave McKey high praise, but, while the shot was good, Mr. Jay deserves all the credit for giving her the flimsy "fighting for the environment" option.

The worst were Clark (doing NOTHING with bureaucracy even after figuring out what it was), Sharaun (who went home) and Nikeysha, who made the fatal error of talking back during judging panel and landed in the bottom two. I get that she was trying to point out that she had pictures in which she wasn't crouched on the ground, but Tyra has shown by now that, despite what she says, she doesn't pick the girls' best shots, but the ones that she could use to make a point (like telling Sheena to model the opposite of what she's wearing). Personally, I would've kicked off Clark for doing nothing with all that red tape (a lot of potential there) and also because I really don't like her.

So what'd you think of this episode? Isn't it weird that Ed Alonzo looks almost exactly as he did in those old credits for Saved by the Bell? Wasn't Whitney's Cover Girl commercial better than Jaslene and Saleisha's combined? Can Elina turn Clark gay? Finally, who's your early pick to win the whole thing? (I know it's ridiculous, but I'm going with Sheena.)

Project Runway Rundown: Foreign Affairs

You know, maybe designers shouldn't try to stretch after all.

"Project Runway" (and most other competitive reality shows) often slams contestants for repeating themselves and not taking any chances. However, if you look at recent "Runway" history, you'll see that Christian and Rami were both criticized last year for doing the same thing over and over again last season (of course, they did the same thing over and over again all the way to the final episode).

On the other hand, if you look at even more recent "Runway" history you'll see that Keith (who looks like he should be placed on suicide watch after last week) got kicked off for trying to prove he could do other things. Then there's Stella, our favorite leatha-loving eccentric who doesn't know how to use a coffee filter (or a digital camera), who got kicked off while mostly sacrificing her aesthetic (leatha cape notwithstanding) to please guest judge/fashion icon Diane von Furstenberg (pictured, right) who I would've assumed was Sophia Loren if no one told me anything.

Most interestingly, we also found out that the designers on the show have also noticed something I realized three weeks ago — Terri has been designing the same outfit for the past month (pants, jackets, shirt, vest). I still like Terri and her straight-out-of-an-80's-sitcom sassiness, but, with designers now directing the haterade in her direction, I hope she doesn't go the way of Keith. Fortunately for her, while the other designers might be talking smack behind her back, the judges haven't seem to have caught on (or don't care.)

The episode opened with Stella probably making coffee that was obscenely strong and another anonymous model being sent home. Tim then joined Heidi on the runway (the first time they've been together on screen since the season premiere, no?) and the due sent the designers to an address to meet a fashion icon.

As usual, the designers had their wildly inaccurate guesses (Mary Kate Olson, Blayne? Really?! Please stop talking) before arriving at the address and still having no idea where they were despite the big "D" and "V" logo on the storefront window.

Von Furstenberg introduced the challenge, to design a look inspired by the 1940's film "A Foreign Affair", starring Marlene Dietrich. The winner would not get immunity, but their look would be featured in von Furstenberg's fall collection, which is only available to American Express costumers for reasons left unexplained. The designers seemed excited about this reward, except maybe Kenley. I'm not sure if Kenley heard anything von Furstenberg said since she was crying almost the entire time about meeting her idol. A little touching and a LOT funny.

After picking up fabric (how pimp is it that von Furstenberg has her own personal "Mood") the designers went to work and appeared a LOT more relaxed than last week (who knew chic fabrics would be easier to work with than car parts?)

Overall, the designers appeared more relaxed and confident this week (no freakouts last night). It was chill enough that Leann had time to traipse around the workroom acting like a spy for reasons only she'll understand.

Since there wasn't that much happening in the workroom, the only "drama" we got was from Kenley's "controversial" decision to not create multiple looks (like everyone else in the room). Other than that, my favorite part was Stella taking a shot at last week's guest judge Rachel Zoe, by saying she was "clueless." The only thing better than that, was Tim hastily trying to cover it up by saying "we still love you, Rachel Zoe."

Then again, just because there wasn't that much drama in the workroom doesn't mean every outfit was flawless.

While Joe, Stella and Suede (deservedly) found themselves in the bottom 3, I was hoping that the judges would expand the cellar dwellers to a bottom 4 so they could include Blayne. Then again, I've pretty much had Blayne in my bottom three every single week. (Honestly, have he or Suede done ANYTHING good in the past month and a half?)

Conversely, the top 3 was stacked with talent as Korto's striking pattern and yellow pop of color battled with Kenley's (singular) pretty dress and Leanna's beautiful dress and jackets ensemble for the top spot. Unsurprisingly, Kenley almost talked herself into trouble last night, as she interrupted Heidi, apologized for interrupting her, and then interrupted her again. The other contestants already don't seem to like her, so I don't think she wants to get on the judges' nerves.

In the end Leann's beautiful ensemble won, giving her a second consecutive win and cementing her as a favorite to make it to Bryant Park. I've slammed the judges in my last few recaps for their decisions, but in this one they were absolutely right. There was no other choice.

Meanwhile, the judges would've been well served sending ANY of the bottom three outfits home. Suede's ugly, shapeless dress was bad, but Joe's Shanghai top with a gaping hole in the back and hoodie combo was even worse. Here's the dialogue between me and Erica when the judges broke down his outfit:

Erica: "It looks like a Halloween costume."
Me: "It looks like several Halloween costumes."

In the end though, the judges did the right thing by sending Stella home for her period-inappropriate cape and her poorly constructed cape, which ALMOST prompted Michael Kors to revisit his "that crotch is insane" comment. He went with "nightmare" instead. As replacement judge Fern Mills said, "Stella was not stellar." (Wow, she must've been REALLY proud of herself when she came up with that one. Bring back Nina Garcia! There she is in next week's preview! Yay!)

The bad news is that the show's greatest source for unintentional humor is gone. The good news is "Zotis and Bones" should be up and running pretty soon now.

So what'd you think of this episode? Do you see trouble ahead for Terri? Finally, who do you like in a fight? Stella or Rachel Zoe?

The Shield: This Means War

It had been WAY too long since the last original episode of "The Shield" aired.

It'd been so long that I had to go back and quickly reread the recap I wrote for that last episode in June of last year. In fact, it'd been so long that I didn't actually remember when that last episode had aired, so I had to go on IMDb to get the air date so that I would be able to go back and find the recap I wrote.

Of course, absence makes the heart grow fonder, so as soon as the show's jittery opening credits came into view, I was instantly excited. I was also probably a little too delighted to see Shane's wife Mara tied up and gagged because, well, don't we most of us still kinda hate Mara?

On the other hand, there were a few things I wasn't following as well as a I could due to the long layoff, such as the intricacies of Shane's dealings with the Armenian mob. Also, I'd pretty much completely forgotten that Dutch and Danny kissed in last year's finale. Unfortunately, for Dutch, it appears as if Danny has chosen to forget too.

I complained that last year's finale spent a little too much time setting up this final season (and not enough time wrapping up the previous year) and, after last night's episode, I can understand why. Shane's dealings with the Armenian mob and Vic's dealings with the corrupt Cruz Pezuela dominated the season premiere and seem poised to be the season's major factors.

So, to me, it was pretty refreshing to see such funny, entertaining B-storyline involving the criminally underrated Jay Karnes and CCH Pounder and David Marciano, who is somewhat of a comedic genius.

Dutch was dealing with a man who had been acquitted of murdering his wife a few years before, but now wanted to turn in his buddy for committing the crime so he could be with his buddy's boobalicious girlfriend. Part of the reason the man had been acquitted was because Billings had apparently botched the case spectacularly (raise your hand if you're surprised). It just so happens Billings was in the office that same day, wearing sunglasses for his "migraines" and refusing to drop his frivolous lawsuit against the department. Watching Dutch's thinly veiled disgust toward Billings was gold, but Claudette probably had the best (if not the most truthful) line of the episode when she yelled at him, "You're a goddamned joke!"

Since Marciano has been made a series regular, I figured he'd be around for the entire season (though that logic didn't exactly apply to Cole Hauser's character, Terry, in the pilot). Still, it was absolutely delightful to see Dutch and Claudette (love when those two work together) not only trick Billings into solving the murder, but force him to expose the fact that he's perfectly capable of working and making the lawsuit go away. Not a bad day's work.

Of course, that entire storyline was just a side dish to the evening's main course, which involved Vic finding Zadofian, the Armenian assassin who'd been charged with killing his family.

The opening showdown at Shane's apartment was tense for sure (did Vic overreact by tying and gagging a pregnant Mara? Probably) Vic wasn't exactly buying Shane's story (why would he?) that Shane had stashed Vic's family away for their own good, but my favorite part of this scene was the end, after Vic had left, and Shane lamented that all he was trying to do was make things right.

This is especially tragic because I believe him and it could be argued that all Shane's been trying to do for the past couple of seasons is make things right — this would include blowing up Lem. What's always been interesting to me is that Vic and, I imagine, a lot of "The Shield" audience, have vilified Shane for blowing up a fellow member of the Strike Team when Vic put a bullet in the head of a Strike Team member in the VERY FIRST EPISODE and most people still root for him. Is it because Terry was informing for Aceveda? Is it because we got to know Lem over the course of five seasons?

I've referred to Shane (pictured, left) as the poor man's Vic ever since he split from the Strike Team because he doesn't appear able to run around, double deal and finagle his way out messes with the same cold efficiency Vic does. However, the more I've thought about it, the more I realize that Shane's failings to be as good as Vic probably have to do with the fact that he appears to have (or, at least, show) more remorse than Vic ever does for all the dirty dealings they've done — and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Shane was again one step behind Vic in locating the wounded Zadofian at his hotel of choice. Once Vic was satisfied that Shane's story about stashing his family away from Diro Kasakhian's assassin was true, and that, with Diro gone, his family was safe, he had Ronnie coolly dispose of Zadofian by putting two bullets in his chest. Shane later showed up to chop off Zadofian's feet to make it look like Diro's handiwork and to earn the episode its "V" rating for violence. Rezian, with whom Shane made the deal to keep Vic's family safe and who Shane has to work for now, had wanted to question Zadofian about Diro's whereabouts, so Shane made Zadofian's death look like Diro's handiwork.

Still, what seemed most interesting was the emphasis on Ronnie's reaction to the cold-blooded murder afterward. He's always been sort of the good guy of the team (especially, since Lem has been gone), and Claudette has put him "in charge" of the Strike Team while Vic's status is still uncertain. I'm interested to see if Ronnie goes down the road of becoming more like Vic and Shane and I wouldn't be surprised if he becomes a major player in that uneasy alliance. (For example, I wouldn't be shocked if he ends up taking out Shane or Vic to keep himself clean.)

The other major subplot of the episode was the box of incriminating evidence on prominent officials belonging to Cruz Pezuela, which Vic had gotten his hands on at the end of last season. It seems Pezuela and the Mexicans are ready to make their move and claim Farmington (and maybe beyond) for themselves.

This was illustrated by a grisly subplot involving the death of two El Salvadorans who had been dragged down a street leaving a trail of blood. As gross as that was, the main purpose of this subplot appeared to be setting up another classic Mackey moment (driving through the store window to create a diversion) and introducing Laurie Holden as Agent Olivia Murray, who assisted on the El Salvadoran case and will almost certainly sleep with Vic at some point.

In the end, Vic convinced Pezuela that he'd sold a copy of the incriminating files to the Armenians and Shane convinced Rezian that Diro was teaming up with the Mexicans, pitting the Mexicans and the Armenians in what's sure to be a nasty gang war. That's weird, I thought cops were supposed to stop gang wars, not start them — such is life on "The Shield."

So what'd you think of this episode? Where do you think Vic's daughter Cassidy disappeared to? Is Julien going to do ANYTHING this season? How long before the Vic/Aceveda alliance falls apart? (Not long judging by the previews.) Finally, is there any doubt that Tina was the officer responsible for not clearing the scene, leading to Danny getting attacked? (How scary was that?)

NFL 2008 Week 1 Picks

Some people say that the NFL doesn't really have an offseason — what with the NFL Draft, training camps and combines to keep us busy. Still, it seems like a painfully long time since the final NFL game last season (and since Bill Bellichick and the Patriots quickly snuck out of the stadium like they'd just shoplifted something).

This week, Thursday is Must-See TV night again (and, mercifully, the game isn't airing exclusively on the NFL Network) as the Giants kick off their Super Bowl defense. Let's see how they and, more importantly, I, fare this season.

(If you're new to my picks column, my predicted winners will be in bold and I'll accumulate my win-loss record a week from now — unless it's really embarrassing, in which case I may "forget.")

WASHINGTON @ N.Y. GIANTS

I disrespected the Giants all of last season and I picked them to finish last in their division this season, despite the fact that they, um, WON THE SUPER BOWL. Why would I stop the insanity now and pick them to win something?

DETROIT @ ATLANTA
I think Atlanta will actually eventually play some decent ball this year, but I just don't expect them to do so coming right out of the gate, not even against the Lions, who return most of the cast from a potent offense last year.

SEATTLE @ BUFFALO (mini-upset!)

I constantly disrespect Seattle ALMOST as much as I constantly disrespect the Giants, so I'm going with the Bills because they tell me playing defense and running the ball wins games and Buffalo can do each very well (though the have no QB). On the other hand, Seattle HAS a QB, but have an unproven running game, and are pretty terrible defensively away from home.

JACKSONVILLE @ TENNESSEE
This should be a hard-hitting game with solid play that will also probably be an unbearable bore to watch. So I probably won't. Let me know who wins.

N.Y JETS @ MIAMI

Even if they weren't playing a shitty Miami team, I'd go with the Jets/Bretts because there's no way Brett Favre (pictured, right) doesn't have a monster game his first time out, right?

KANSAS CITY @ NEW ENGLAND
No chance.

TAMPA BAY @ NEW ORLEANS
So the Bucs are going to go into New Orleans and beat the Saints without having Jeff Garcia or Joey Galloway play in the preseason? I don't think so. This reeks of the way Jon Gruden "rested" Garcia at the end of the season last year, and the team laid a turd against the Giants in the playoffs. Be on the lookout for a turd. Don't step on it.

ST. LOUIS @ PHILADELPHIA
I think Philly's crowd will be a strong factor as usual in their season debut before something horrible inevitably happens and their spirits are crushed.

HOUSTON @ PITTSBURGH (mini-upset)

I like Pittsburgh, but I picked the Texans to make the playoffs, so I HAVE to have them pulling off some surprise wins at some point, right?

CINCINNATI @ BALTIMORE

Each of these teams have a major flaw (Cincy's defense, Baltimore's offense), so it should be kind of entertaining to see if the Ravens can score on the Bengals. I think they will because Cincinnati was THAT bad on defense last year. Also, Cincy let me down so many times last year, I'm not fully recovered.

CAROLINA @ SAN DIEGO
So Carolina's Jake Delhomme is coming off of elbow surgery and his first game is on the road against San Diego's fierce defense AND he doesn't have go-to guy Steve Smith. Not good times for Jake.

ARIZONA @ SAN FRANCISCO
The only team that disappointed me more last season than Cincinnati was San Francisco (yes, it was mostly because of fantasy purposes). Also, this is the year the Cardinals stop underachieving and DO SOMETHING, right?

DALLAS @ CLEVELAND
Cleveland was great at home last year, but have looked kind of disastrous so far this year, with preseason injuries to two of their best offensive players (WR Braylon Edwards and QB Derek Anderson). Both will be able to play, but I don't think they'll play well enough to beat the Cowboys.

CHICAGO @ INDIANAPOLIS
No chance: Part II

MINNESOTA @ GREEN BAY

Those Packers fans (the ones that still aren't crying into their pillows about Favre leaving at least) are going to be majorly amped up for this game. Which is why I can't shake the feeling Aaron Rodgers is going to go out there and lay a major egg on such a big stage. Also, Vikings RB Adrian Peterson won't get hurt for, at least, three more weeks, so the Vikes should be all right

DENVER @ OAKLAND
I'm not quite sure how this game score such a prime slot, but I'll go with the Broncos by a little because I don't think QB JaMarcus Russell and RB Darren McFadden will be major factors for the Raiders just yet.

Those are my picks for Week 1 of the 2008 regular season. And because I didn't have time when I finished my preseason predictions, here's how I see things shaking out this season.

NFC PLAYOFF TEAMS

1. Dallas
2. New Orleans
3. Minnesota
4. Arizona
5. Washington
6. Tampa Bay

WILD CARD ROUND
Minnesota over Tampa Bay
Washington over Arizona

DIVISIONAL ROUND
Dallas over Washington
New Orleans over Minnesota

CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP
New Orleans over Dallas

AFC PLAYOFF TEAMS
1. New England
2. San Diego
3. Indianapolis
4. Pittsburgh
5. Jacksonville
6. Houston

WILD CARD ROUND
Indianapolis over Houston
Pittsburgh over Jacksonville

DIVISIONAL ROUND
San Diego over Indianapolis
New England over Pittsburgh

CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP
New England over San Diego

THE SUPER BOWL PICK
New England over New Orleans

Project Runway Rundown: Special Guest Star Edition

Ok, so I'm back from my weeklong vacation in Minnesota (and back from like 0% humidity to approximately 125%).

While I was gone, my beautiful and talented girlfriend filled in on "Project Runway" recap duties. You can head over here to get her witty insights on last week's episode (which I just saw this morning myself).

All I ask is that you please keep the cracks about how she should replace me permanently to a minimum. Thank you.