Project Runway Rundown: Girls, Girls, Girls

I won't sit here and tell you that Jerell deserved to advance to the final three over Kenley (or anyone else) based on their work last night because I can't.

Sure, it wasn't the first time Jerell's designs (pictured, left with Tim Gunn) had taken a long walk on the garish side of things and, most importantly, he didn't heed Tim's advice to edit himself. On the other side, Kenley arguably did the best work she's done all season (or at least the best work Alexander McQueen has done all season), which included, according to Michael Kors, the cutest damn bridesmaid dress he'd ever seen.

What I'm saying is that Kenley shouldn't even had been there last night to beat out Jerrell for the coveted spot at Bryant Park (where we all know the top six showed anyway, but still). I felt that she CLEARLY deserved to go home last week for her fish-scaly dress, but I totally understand that's a matter of taste and opinion.

What is NOT opinion is the fact that Jerell won three of the last four challenges. Does that mean nothing?! I mean, why even HAVE challenge winners if past work isn't taken into consideration? What was the point of announcing Jerrell as the challenge winner last week if none of that goodwill carried over to this week? The most important question is, am I particularly annoyed because Jerell was my Ridiculously Early Pick to win this competition and now he's out? (The answer to this one is "yes.")

Of course, I understand that having three people who get along fantastically well in your final episode isn't exactly the best source of drama, which help explains why they brought Kenley back this week in the first place. And to Kenley's credit, she delivered, Jerell did not, and now she's in the finals.

Before going their separate ways to create their collections, the designers gathered on the runway, where they were notified by Tim Gunn that they'd also be designing a wedding gown as part of their final challenge. The designers, who finally thought they'd be free to do whatever they wanted, were not happy, but I actually liked this idea and I was interested to see their take on the wedding gown.

I was also interested to see each contestant's home life, which we saw through Tim's visits.

If we're to believe the footage shown, Korto and Jerell seem to have the most support back home. Unfortunately, the highlight of the trip to Arkansas to see Korto wasn't her collection — her wedding dress didn't look so much like a wedding dress as much as it did her dress from last week — but it was her cutie pie daughter and her drumming demonstration for Tim. Korto has, undoubtedly, the most emotional backstory of the finalists.

Faring even worse than Korto in the garment department was Jerell who, left to his own devices, designed a wedding gown with an exploding boob and sparkly jewelry. He'd also taken the occasion to grow some questionable facial hair. Fortunately, he had his "love interest" to keep him comfortable.

On the other hand, Tim's stop in Portland to see Leann revealed that she got her inspiration — in color and form — from waves. Most importantly, the visit revealed that Leann has an appropriately dorky boyfriend named Nathan and took a tandem bike ride with Tim.

Meanwhile, when Tim walked into Kenley's apartment, he said he loved how "New York" her apartment was (I'm not sure that was a compliment). The big shocker of the episode (not really) was that Kenley didn't have a single friend or family member (other than the picture of her grandma) at her place for Tim's visit. I guess all that time spent on the tugboat left little time for cultivating friendships. Tim liked her collection overall, but had questions about a rope necklace, which was supposedly a shout out to those tugboat days. Thankfully, evil Kenley didn't come out when Tim questioned the rope.

When they all reconvened back in New York, Jerell found out he'd be rooming with Kenley (though nothing came of this) and Kenley came in, gave a half-hearted apology (before trashing her competition in a confessional) and all (or most) was forgiven.

Shortly thereafter, Tim revealed the designers would also be creating a bridesmaid dress for the challenge — I liked the wedding dress part, but the bridesmaid dress thing was just mean!

On the runway, Kenley got the aforementioned kudos, despite the fact that her wedding dress bears a strong resemblance to Alexander McQueen's work. I guess that's what happens when you (proudly) don't keep up with other designers' works as Kenley does. Still, no one could deny the fact that her bridesmaid dress was fantastic.

I still preferred Leann's combo because they were not only beautifully crafted (as her work usually is), but were cohesive with each other and (apparently) the rest of her collection.

I've already documented Jerell's problems last night (except for the flower growing out of his model's hair), but he's always been pretty hot and cold. Korto, on the other hand, has been on a semi-distressing slide the last two weeks. Making her bridesmaid dress short was a good move, but both garments still had a cut we'd seen before and an uninspired color.

In the end, she (rightfully) squeaked by Jerell and into the finals.

So what'd you think of this episode? Is there a sweeter man in the world than Tim Gunn? (How touching was it to see him break down before the last runway show?) Where can I get a tandem bike? Does Kenley even HAVE friends? Finally, who do you like in the finals? (I'm not pushing for Korto to bounce back and win!)

The Shield: Deathtrap

Last night's episode of "The Shield" wasn't just the best episode of this season, but it was the best episode since Shane decided the best thing for himself and his Strike Teammates would be to blow up one of their friends. (I'd also argue it's in the top 3 non-season finale "Shield" episodes.)

It makes sense that "The Shield" would hit such a high with this episode, since much of it was devoted to Vic and Ronnie honoring their vow to get Lem's killer. As the hour progressed, and Shane (pictured, right) inched closer to Vic and Ronnie's trap, I honestly had NO idea what was going to happen. I could see a scenario where Shane was murdered (even with more than a handful of episodes left in the show's run). I could also easily see Shane surviving unscathed, or being seriously injured in a gun fight. I repeat: I had NO IDEA WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. And I loved it!

The plan was spurred on by Aceveda announcing he was turning the blackmail box into Justice. With the blackmail box out of play, Vic would no longer have any sway over the Armenians or over Pezuela and the Mexicans. Aceveda gave him an extra day to tie up his loose ends and bust Pezuela on a more serious charge than would come from the blackmail box.

Now we've definitely seen Vic improvise complicated plans and set-ups in a short amount of time before, but even this one was a doozy. This time, the idea was to eliminate the Armenians by telling them a fictitious group of Mexicans wanted to sell them the blackmail box for $100,000, but instead sending a Pezuela hit squad led by Armando Rios to kill them. They would also kill Shane (who would be with the Armenians to help broker the deal), eliminate the top Armenian brass (anyone who might be a threat to Vic's family), and keep the Armenians' $100,000 (what's a Vic Mackey plan if he can't get some $ in return).

Of course, Vic wasn't counting on the few curveballs that came his way. The least interesting of which was Agt. Murray's desire to turn herself in so Pezuela would no longer have any influence over her. Pezuela's people asked her to get Rios and his men out of the country after they took the Armenians out and Vic convinced her not to do it. To be honest, I didn't really care and instead worried that my prediction about Vic sleeping with her might not come true. I was actually more interested in Vic's family drama this week, since it turned out Corrine was popping downers to deal with bad girl Cassidy (and autistic Matthew, who is suddenly invisible). The irony of Vic questioning Corrine's parenting skills was completely lost on him.

More interesting was the reappearance of the last person I expected to see again (other than Lem, of course). Tavon, the former Strike Team member who was hospitalized after one of the fiercest fictional brawls EVER with Shane, returned to get his help. He needed Shane's cooperation because of Shane's rapport with a 16-year-old girl who was going to help them catch a murderer, but it turns out he was really there to tell Shane that he knew the truth about their fight — Tavon hadn't hit Shane's wife Mara and instead had been hit by Mara in the head by a golf club.

Besides the fact that Tavon's reappearance left a dangling plot thread that will probably be resolved soon (nothing happened after Tavon's confrontation), I liked it because his interactions with the girl allowed us to see a softer side of Shane, and that side that IS a good cop.

More importantly, Vic saw that side and had a crisis of conscience. He tried to back out of killing a close friend ("I'm not Shane"), but I was most struck by how ice cold Ronnie was in his insistence to go through with the plan. In the end, Shane survived because he was fortunate enough to leave the warehouse a few minutes before the Armenians were executed. However, the entire sequence was one of the most wonderfully tense few minutes on television in a while.

Of course, the best twist came at the end when Shane revealed to Mara that he'd figured out that Vic and Ronnie had set him up to be killed. Walton Goggins played this scene with the right mix of subtle anger and hurt feelings. Shane had an uneasy alliance with Vic and Ronnie the last few weeks, but that's out the window now, so it's going to be fascinating to watch them interact from here on out. I also liked that Shane found a way to get away with the money, which is totally a Vic move. That right there underscores how similar Vic and Shane really are, no matter what Vic might say.

The main Vic/Shane storyline was so strong in this episode that it made everything else look relatively weak.

I was a little disappointed to see Dutch and Billings revert to Dutch working on his own and Billings not giving a damn mode (no matter how funny he is). Dutch was working on a case of a sleepwalker who'd apparently committed a murder. I WAS excited to see Dutch and Claudette team up since Billings was more preoccupied with his lawsuit. However, their scenes together didn't really crackle. In fact, my favorite Claudette scene was when she tore Ronnie a new one for being a puppet leader for the Strike Team.

Despite Dutch not having his best storyline last night, it DID yield some interesting forward movement. After it turned out that sleepwalker guy was innocent, but still killed himself because Claudutch convinced him he'd committed murder, Dutch had a heart-to-heart with Billings, in which he implored his new partner to challenge him so he doesn't become indulgent in the way Dutch does when he starts to feel particularly smart. We'll see if Billings steps up next week.

So what'd you think of this episode? Did you think Shane was a goner? Will we see Tavon again, and will he have a hand in getting Shane? Finally, when will Vic and Ronnie find out that Shane is on to them?

Dancing with the Stars: She's Making Us Misty

Don't ever let anyone tell you that dancing isn't hard.

Sure I may be a little biased because I've dabbled in dancing for the better part of the last five years, but, if you needed any more proof, look at what happened to poor Misty May Treanor (pictured, left).

Here's a world-class athlete who won a gold medal at the Olympics less than two months ago rupturing her Achilles tendon during a rehearsal for a show that would regularly rank in my top 5 silliest shows on TV if I ever bothered to put that list together.

I'll miss her because she had potential as a dancer and was a natural born performer. She was also, by my count, one of only five people (along with Lance, Toni, Brooke, and Warren) who could actually win this season. I'll also miss Maks, one of the most interesting pros (if not the most interesting), but not as much as my girl Erica will miss him (probably for different reasons than mine). That being said, I really hope this rumor doesn't turn out to be true.

With that out of the way, let's talk about the dancing last night — which I guess I have to do despite the fact that, with few exceptions, was mostly uninspired and over scored. The couples performed the Viennese waltz and the jive, while one couple performed a Vietnamese waltz for good measure.

Len's assessment that Brooke's waltz was the best dance of the season is absolutely true from a technical standpoint. However, I didn't really see a wow moment in the dance (I get that the waltz isn't a "wow" dance, but still) and found myself spacing out a bit (probably because it was the last dance of a mediocre night). I don't think it was worthy of the season's first 10, much less one from the DANCMSTR. More interesting was Derek chastising his partner when she had trouble learning the dance ("your mind is lazy.") Ok, so the fight itself wasn't interesting, but I enjoyed it because I've (unfortunately) been known to go all "Derek" on Erica a few times when we dance and because of the odd way the two seemed to be acting during this "fight."

While Brooke's may have been better, I enjoyed Warren and, yes, Toni's dance better. Warren continues to amaze with how light he is on his feet, though his arm action fell just short of Jason Taylor-esque. Warren earned his first 9 (I thought it was really a solid 8) Meanwhile, Toni insisted on taking a chance this week altering her "Vietnamese" waltz with a faux-hard-rock edge. Personally, I didn't see enough of a difference in her dancing from a traditional waltz to peeve the judges, but I guess they were just too distracted by the music. I guess they were also distracted while waiting for the handstand she practiced over and over again, but (smartly) never tried to perform. Also, I kinda like that she's good enough that she doesn't need to take any chances — but still took one! As long as it's not a regular thing it should be fine.

That's been the problem facing Lance and Lacey, who finally dialed things down this week. While trying to appease Len, they visited what they thought would be his peers at a retirement community (come on, Len's not THAT old!) Unfortunately, Lance's dancing was simply not good enough. Warren's waltz CLEARLY was better, and that just shouldn't be. Despite the underwhelming dance, I fear Lacey's throwaway remark that Cloris will be coming to the retirement community after the show will hurt the couple more than Lance's subpar dancing.

Rocco also performed a waltz and, while I usually struggle to find nice things to say about his dancing, I will say that I don't remember him being THAT bad this week. Of course, I was probably distracted by the awful version of "What's New Pussycat" (good call by Erica in saying it sounded like Randy Newman was singing). Bruno was right — he should've kept the blindfold on the entire time. I should've reached for the ear plugs.

The remaining couples performed the jive — except for Cloris who performed a travesty masquerading as a jive. I feared this would happen after the judges (um, Carrie Ann) trashed her the one time she actually tried to dance last week. The less said about Cloris' performance (featuring a moment where she pretended to smell Corky's fart) the better. That routine had "2" written all over it.

I was actually looking forward to a performance by Maurice for the first time because I figured the jive would be right up his alley. In the end, it was just meh and the thing I remember the most is Cheryl backleading her way through most of the moves and Maurice's awful jacket. Of course, the judges all gave him 8s because they'll likely never get a chance to score him that high again this season.

Cody's jive, on the other hand, had lots of potential before (as Len accurately pointed out) it became repetitive and fell apart in the second half. (Really, Julianne? You choreographed TWO moments where he plays your leg as a guitar?) Then there was Susan, who is just not very fun to watch because I feel like she's going to break if she dances too hard. Then again, maybe she feels that way too, given the dainty little way she dances. That didn't stop the judges, mesmerized by her breasts, from giving her straight 7s. More importantly, I think she's supplanted Kim Kardashian as "Person Erica hates the most."

So what'd you think of this episode? What was your favorite Misty/Maks memory? Is there any chance Maks could potentiall whipe Kim's ass (ha!) into shape? Finally, is there any chance in hell they send someone home this week?

(NOTE: I won't be linking to the dances anymore in these recaps. Every time the videos got taken down after I spent so much time linking to them a little piece of me died. Sorry. If you haven't seen the show or the routines discussed here, I encourage you to seek them out yourself, so you can fully appreciate my hilariously witty comments. Thank you.)

Heroes: Peter Gabriel

Oh no.

Listen. I don't like writing negative recaps of "Heroes" or any other TV show. Sure it's a lot easier (and funnier) for me to write about something ridiculously terrible, but you have to believe me when I tell you that every Monday night I sit down to watch "Heroes" I want the show to be good.

Unfortunately, the show has gotten worse every time out since its promising season 3 premiere.

Oh no.

I know last week's previews teased it, but did we REALLY need another "apocalyptic future" episode (oooh, I can't wait for next year's hellish vision of the future)? On top of that, did we need to see another bomb decimate a good portion of the population (at least this time it wasn't New York). As my girlfriend Erica astutely pointed out, why don't the characters in the show just stop trying to fix the future (and making things worse in the process) and just deal with things the way they are?

I get that the show is trying to make the point that, no matter how much you try, you can't change the future (or even save the world), but earlier (and better) sci-fi works have been making this point for decades. So the overused and lame attempts by "Heroes" to make these points come off as lazy.

Then again, if you watch the show as a comedy (which I might start doing, it's not so bad). It's a shame though, because the episode started off promisingly enough when Future Peter presented Present Peter with a future four years from now where damn near everyone had special abilities. The future we were watching was also a version of the future Parkman saw during his spirit quest, which I'm still trying to acknowledge as little as possible — at least the (non)talking turtle returned last night.

I thought the episode would explore the whole "if everyone is special then no one is special" idea, but that might actually have yielded an interesting episode.

Instead, the hour went on to tease and set up mostly inane questions and mysteries (what made Claire want to join a hit squad? How did Matt and Daphne get together? Is Mohinder a snake, a ninja, or both?) that will eventually be answered — assuming people still care by that point.

While I was laughing at Milo Ventimiglia's "hardass" performance as Future Peter (his low, husky voice was almost as over-the-top as Christian Bale's in "The Dark Knight") he got shot and killed. Before I could wonder how Future Peter can be killed by several bullets to the chest since he has Claire's ability, Present Peter got the hell out of there.

Peter disappeared to Isaac Mendez' loft/Mohinder's lab, where the not-so-good doctor had become some sort of disfigured, wretched creature that hides in the darkness. Needless to say, I like him a lot better that way, especially if it turns out he killed and ate Maya (Least. Appealing. Couple. Ever.) Still, if they insist on having Mohinder on the show, he needs to spend more time working on a version of the formula that actually works and less time getting into inconsequential fights with neighbors. Also, what's with the extreme attitude? Is that another side-effect of the formula? Maybe Mohinder's not a superhero and he's just on his period?

Heeding Future Peter's earlier advice, Present Peter went to Costa Verde to find Sylar and take his ability only to learn "Gabriel" had settled down into a life of happy domesticity.

The Peter/Sylar (pictured, right) storyline was BY FAR the best part of the episode. I kinda wish the episode had been entirely about them. Gabriel warned Peter that his power (figuring out how things work) also came along with a hunger for more of that knowledge and power (an interesting point that hadn't been previously addressed). In this future, Sylar wrestled with that urge every day, but seemed to have come out the other side as a good guy (maybe with the help of Bennett, who we all assume is dead). On the other hand, once Peter acquired Sylar's power, we knew he'd also take on some of his more unsavory qualities. Still, I was strangely unaffected when he sliced his brother's head open.

I also might've cared more about little Noah's death if his presence weren't so obviously a ploy to garner cheap sympathy (it doesn't work because we don't know the kid) and, literally, set Sylar off. Knox and Daphne also didn't survive the blast, with the latter racing all the way to New York (huh) to die in Parkman's arms. To be honest, I was more saddened by the fact that Mr. Muggles was undoubtedly killed in the blast.

Back in the present, things were going a little better — unless you count the Hiro/Ando storyline which is currently spinning its wheels as the two continue to distrust each other. We get it (and hopefully Hiro gets it): these two need each other. The only forward movement last night was Angela Petrelli charging Hiro and Ando with getting the formula back — and enlisting the help of Adam Monroe/Kensei. While the situation has "bad idea" written all over it from the characters' perspectives, I like that David Anders is back because he was one of the few highlights from last season. I was just a little disappointed he didn't say "hello carp" when Hiro opened his coffin.

Finally, there was Tracy and Nathan. Tracy found out that she was one of three triplets adopted (and apparently early test subjects for the formula). Meanwhile, although I don't care for Nathan and Linderman's talk of angels the same way I didn't really care for it in "Hancock," I thought Nathan's scenes with Tracy were some of the more effective last night. Tracy's discovery of her powers is reminiscent of what the show was about in the beginning, while Nathan is also still trying to figure out his purpose.

I'm not saying that the show needs to go back to what it was in season 1 (except for the part where it was really good), but that they should focus on the stuff that works and maybe blow up (for real this time!) the superfluous characters that don't.

So what'd you think of this episode? I mean Claire was the mother of Gabriel's son, Noah, in the future, right? Will Nathan get to sleep with all three triplets before everything's said and done?

Desperate Housewives: A Cat-astrophic Decision

After last week's eventful premiere — where we spent most of our time getting our bearings while catching up with the characters on Wisteria Lane following the five-year leap — the following episode was bound to be a bit of a letdown.

That doesn't mean there weren't things to like in last night's episode, which dealt with one of the show's major themes (revealed through a nifty twist on the usual opening montage) — the trouble brewing underneath the perfect exterior.

For example, Bree Van De Kamp is the picture perfect homemaker, while Bree Hodge is a woman who pushed her friend out of the limelight last week and refused to acknowledge her husband during a radio interview this week. (Who's next on her hit list? Will it be Andrew, leading to the return of Evil Andrew?)

I agreed with Bree on the whole "Van De Kamp" vs. "Hodge" issue (though saying "Hodge" is the sound a plunger makes is WAY harsh), but that was pretty much the only time I was with her. We learned that Orson had served his prison sentence at Bree's insistence. (My thoughts on the matter were that if Mike and Susan forgave Orson for running Mike over, then I didn't understand why Bree couldn't.) As a result, Bree wasn't in a hurry to bring up her ex-con of a husband, and I'm fine with that. She has a certain public image she wants to maintain. What I'm not ok with is her making promises to her spouse (even if it's a stupid pot roast) and then completely disregarding them. We saw a darker side of Orson after he crushed his chopsticks and, later, angrily insisted that Bree make the pot roast. But were we supposed to feel bad for a crying Bree while she cooked for her husband? Sorry, but I was on Orson's side.

I definitely enjoyed Bree more during her scenes with Gabby. Gabby was excited about being invited to an elite country club party only to find out from Bree she'd been disinvited because Carlos now worked at the club as a masseuse ("We used to HAVE help, now we're the help!") In typical Gabby fashion, she crashed the party by sneaking in through a service entrance. Eventually, she and Carlos got kicked out after a smartly-written scene between Gabby and Bree involving a kitchen door which revealed Carlos' ejection from the party step-by-funny step.

Of course, this led to the sweetest scene of the evening, in which Carlos told Gabby they finally had everything they needed and that he's never been happier. Still, this was too similar to his "you're still beautiful" speech from last week and, while touching, I'm looking forward to this couple doing more than the usual "Gabby does something silly and Carlos makes a touching speech at the end" shtick.

Speaking of the usual shtick, Susan wore a collection of skimpy outfits last night while acting irrationally silly (at least she didn't fall down this time). This time the silliness was spurred .. her ex-husband Mike met her current boyfriend Jackson in an awkward (and funny) scene. Mike insisted he and Jackson hang out so he could get to know him the man who will be spending time around his son a little better.

Despite the relative waste of Teri Hatcher's talent (she IS talented) again, I enjoyed bits of this storyline, including James Denton's performance. The guy and his "acting" are frequent punching bags in this column, but he delivered last night. He was funny throughout and he was charming in the scene where he convinced Susan he sees her in a very positive light despite their past. The storyline also gave us a cameo from Susan's first ex Karl, by FAR the most interesting guy (asshole) in her life, who made a funny crack about how his marriage to Susan might have lasted if he had gone into roofing (or if he hadn't cheated on her).

The funniest lines of the evening belonged to Tom as he teased Lynette for striking up an online romance with her son Porter (or is Preston? Or does it matter?) on the show's version of Facebook. Tom made a great Oedipal reference by telling Lynette he was afraid Porter would kill him and gouge his own eyes out if he found out the truth. Also, when Lynette was writing the breakup later, Tom's draft went along the lines of "I've decided to see other offspring."

Maybe it was just a nice change to see Lynette (not Tom) act like a fool for a change, but I enjoyed this storyline. To be perfectly honest, going online and pretending to be a love interest for my (non)existent kids is something I could potentially see myself doing (though I like to think I wouldn't be stupid enough to sign the breakup letter, "Love, Dad"), seeing as how teenagers hate speaking with their parents. Still, the scene at the end where Porter muttered under his breath that he also missed speaking with Lynette was a bit too cheesy.

Finally, we have Mrs. McCluskey (pictured, left) and the case of the missing feline. Toby the cat went mysteriously missing after new arrival Dave insisted that Mrs. M apologize to Edie for a remark she made about Edie's (ridiculous) breasts. As soon as we saw Dave eyeing the cat (Neal McDonough is FANTASTICALLY creepy), we KNEW something bad was going to happen.

Edie seems to suspect something is up with her husband, who insists they stay in Wisteria Lane. Meanwhile, Mrs. McCluskey is taking a more proactive approach, asking Katherine for help in researching Dave's past. To be honest, I'm very scared for Mrs. McCluskey's safety. She has no real ties to any other character on the show since Lynette's kids (except for the daughter we never see) don't need a babysitter anymore. Also, Kathryn Joosten has already won her (well-deserved) Emmy in this role, so she's had a good run, meaning I could see Dave taking her out and making it look like an accident.

So what'd you think of this episode? When will Katherine get something to do? (Maybe teaming up with Mrs. M.) Is Mrs. McCluskey a goner? Finally, what do you see happening first? Susan and Mike getting back together or Carlos getting his sight back?

Conflict of Interest: Chris Johnson edition

This week's conflict of interest is one of my favorite finds of the season and a guy that wasn't even drafted in a 10-team, 20 round draft and who I scooped up on the waiver wire the next day — Titans running back Chris Johnson (pictured, right).

Sure, he's splitting time in Tennessee with LenDale White, but Johnson got some goal line carries for the first time last weekend and hasn't yet been REALLY unleashed by head coach Jeff Fisher.

I hope he doesn't unleash him this week either. I have him in my Yahoo league in a matchup that I should honestly (searching for a piece of wood to knock on) win quite easily. In that league, we play two QBs and both of my opponents quarterbacks are on byes, so he's only able to field one QB against me — the immortal Joe Flacco.

Meanwhile, my opponent has him in my NFL.com league. Johnson has a tough matchup this week (Baltimore), but he scored two touchdowns against an allegedly impossible matchup last weekend (Minnesota's run defense). Here's hoping the Ravens keep him in check and that he doesn't get hurt (R.I.P. fellow rookie RB Rashard Mendenhall)

Dream statline: 14 carries, 76 yards, 0 TDs in a win against the Ravens.

NFL 2008 Week 5 Picks

Of course, after bragging about my excellent record in my last picks column, I go straight in the toilet after last Sunday's games (6-7 week, 36-24 season).

Here's hoping for a return to my usual 9-7-ish happy mediocrity form this week.

KANSAS CITY @ CAROLINA
The Chiefs had the most shocking win of Week 4 with their victory of the Broncos and took themselves out of the running for Worst team in the League (dis)Honors (at least for this week). Still, I don't think they'll beat the Panthers because Carolina DOESN'T have one of the worst defenses of the past five years (cue Denver's D in the corner of the room shaking its head sadly and avoiding eye contact.)

CHICAGO @ DETROIT
Detroit had the bye week to recover from the emotional shock of losing their beloved former GM Matt Millen. And by "beloved", I mean stunningly incompetent. The loss of Millen is not why I'm picking them to win. I just don't see Chicago jumping out to a three-touchdown lead (like every other Lions opponent this season).

ATLANTA @ GREEN BAY
Ok, so Atlanta can beat up bad teams (Detroit, KC), but it can't win against good teams (Tampa, Carolina). Where does Green Bay fall into all of this? Even if Aaron Rodgers plays, he can't be 100%, which means the Pack will rely on a couple of rookie QBs. Atlanta also starts a rookie QB, but he was a 1st round pick. I'm gonna go with them and the fan base that isn't freaking out right now.

SAN DIEGO @ MIAMI
What? Ronnie Brown is going to score 5 TDs every week?

SEATTLE @ N.Y. GIANTS
Matt Hasselbeck gets two of his receivers (Bobby Engram and Deion Branch) back this week (and hopefully stops killing one of my fantasy teams), while Eli Manning is without his favorite target (Plaxico Burress) for the week. I'm going to go with the Giants because it's going to take a while for Hasselbeck to remember what it's like throwing to an NFL caliber wide receiver.

WASHINGTON @ PHILADELPHIA
Ok, so I shouldn't have semi-bailed on the Redskins after their pitiful week 1 performance, but my prediction in my preseason column that Jason Campbell would go to the Pro Bowl isn't looking quite as crazy, right? That being said, he's going to get crushed in Philly against the Eagles blitzes (I think Ben Roethlisberger is still icing himself down from being sacked 8 times two weeks ago).

TENNESSEE @ BALTIMORE
The Ravens offense exploded for 20 points last week, so I expect them to come back down to earth against the Titans, who have been quietly kicking everyone's ass.

INDIANAPOLIS @ HOUSTON
Speaking of my preseason predictions, I had both of these teams going to the playoffs. One is 1-2, while the other is 0-3. I think Houston puts some points on the board and wins this one because I still feel like the Colts feel like they can come back from 1-3 to make the playoffs and haven't started looking for the panic button yet.

TAMPA BAY @ DENVER
If the Bucs don't score at least 30 points against Denver, they don't deserve to win this game and Jon Gruden should have his "offensive genius" card revoked.

BUFFALO @ ARIZONA
Arizona gave up 56 points last week and now the host the undefeated Bills. That is all.

NEW ENGLAND @ SAN FRANCISCO
I would pick the suddenly-frisky Niners to take down the Pats, but New England was embarrassed last time out and had two weeks to prepare. I don't think you'd like them when they're angry.

CINCINNATI @ DALLAS
Is there any way we could have the Joker trick T.O. and Chad Ocho Stinko into trying to save ADA Rachel Dawes (pictured, along with T.O. and Stinko), but not quite having enough time to untie her and getting blown up along with the most irritating character in a great movie? Would ANYONE miss those two? (By the way, if you're ticked off about me spoiling a key moment from "The Dark Knight", it's your fault. Don't blame me if you haven't seen a movie everyone else in America has already watched twice.)

PITTSBURGH @ JACKSONVILLE
Up until last week I didn't even know that Mewelde Moore was even in the league. Now he's starting for the Steelers at running back. Not fun times.

MINNESOTA @ NEW ORLEANS
This should be an interesting matchup. The Vikings can run the ball and the Saints can't stop anyone. Meanwhile, the Saints LOVE to throw the ball, while the Vikings can't stop the pass. I can easily see Adrian Peterson rushing for 235 yards and 3 TDs, but that still wouldn't be enough to put the Saints away. On the other hand, if the Saints jump out to a lead of more than 7 points, the Vikes are going to have a hard time catching them. Also, Drew Brees >>>>>>>> Gus Frerotte.

America's Next Top Recap: An Uncomfortable Fit

Last week, I wrote about how happy I was to see Hannah crash Marjorie's pity party. (Though maybe Hannah should've been worrying about herself since she got kicked off 20 minutes later.)

This week, Marjorie's insecurity was the main source of drama in the house. However, given that Marjorie's Debbie Downer act received a significantly higher amount of screen time than in weeks past, I was surprised by the fact that I actually found myself siding with her more than I was with "Git-r-done Samantha."

Don't get me wrong, I still think that Marjorie (pictured, left) needs to do whatever it takes to get over her self-esteem issues or perfectionism or whatever you want to call it. I also don't buy for a second the justification by Paulina that Marjorie's European upbringing is part of the problem (see one of my all-time faves, Natasha from cycle 8). As you may have guessed, I'm not European, so I can't understand her plight.

Mostly though, it was a pleasant surprise to see Paulina have Marjorie's back on the matter because, as much as I love Paulina on this show, affection and sympathy haven't been two of her trademarks during her season and a half on the show. Also, I believe Marjorie is a strong enough model to make it far in this competition, assuming she ever gets out of her own head.

This all came to a head during the mini-meltdown Marjorie had during the week's challenge, which was to make unflattering catalog clothes look flattering using random items (I hadn't even seen a clothes pin in years thanks to dryers). I figured that shoulder pads could pad other areas besides the shoulder, but who the hell knew that water bottles are a perfectly good substitute for ass.

I thought the girls would have to do a better job of hiding all the jankiness in the back, but since this was a two-dimensional challenge, McKey took the top prize because she made every part of her outfit more flattering. On the other hand, Samantha, who takes good pictures, but is kind of a sweet idiot when it comes to every other aspect of modeling, altered the outfit to the point that it was unrecognizable from its original form. That's great, except that anyone who ordered the outfit would feel completely ripped off. Oops.

Back at the house, Clark obnoxiously crowed about her victory more than any other winner (we've seen) so far. I should've definitely seen her fall coming. I guess I was distracted by the slower, more gradual decline of Joslyn, who got more and more stressed out about her performance in photo shoots.

After a typically confusing and scary introduction by Mr. Jay, who was dressed as a monster (I still say he looked scarier last week when he was accidentally dressed like a woman), the girls learned they'd be posing as L.A. natural disasters. Sounds like a fun idea, right? The only problem was the contestants were also inexplicably wearing 60's mod fashions. The show should've either gone all out and made it a natural disaster challenge or made it a 60's mod challenge. Either option would've been better than the uninspiring mash-up we got last night.

The best of the bunch were Samantha who got-r-done as a tidal wave and McKey who didn't even need the extra 50 frames she received as challenge winner, but was sort of victimized by the meh photo Tyra picked for her.

The worst were Clark (LOVED Paulina telling her that she seemed to be more into her own legs than being a blackout), Elina (can she do anything else other than smoldering/sultry) and Joslyn (truly the worst of the bunch. Also, for the second week in a row, I didn't get the praise for Analeigh's photo (what was with the hair dryer?)

Clark and Joslyn landed in the bottom two, and the judges decided to keep Joslyn based on the strength of her personality and early photos. They also could've kept Joslyn based on the fact that Clark doesn't really look all that model-y at all, but whatever reason they want to use works for me. Her elimination was worth it if only for the quick reaction shot of Elina trying not to look devastated.

So what'd you think of this episode? Will Elina find someone else to faux-make out with? If these contestants are really going to be doing 90% catalog modeling, is the title of this show a farce (like everything else about the show?) Don't you wish Mr. Jay had directed the photo shoot in his monster outfit? Finally, I first noted it last week, but what's up with the fact that Sheena's portfolio is still not back on the "Top Model" site?

(NOTE: I didn't forget to link to the photos that I liked and disliked. I also didn't get lazy on you. They just weren't up on the site at the time I wrote this.)

Project Runway Rundown: Flower Power

Boring and predictable.

These words are usually a death sentence for any designer on "Project Runway." Unfortunately, they can also be used to describe the end of last night's episode.

Which is a shame because for an episode that contained the usual filler that comes with there only being four designers left to hold our attention for an hour (Collier Strong's annual makeup tips = zzzzzzzz) I thought the episode was surprisingly engaging and emotional. Sure, the designs on the runway were a letdown, but I figured that goes without saying with this group of contestants.

The morning after the last elimination Kenley (pictured, right with her model) announced she wasn't talking to Leann because she feels Leann sabotaged her with her poser walk during the last runway show. Personally, I thought Kenley's wildly off-target hip-hop outfit is what sabotaged her, but what do I know? I just kinda wish Kenley gave up talking altogether. Meanwhile, Jerrell is apparently slowly losing his mind. It's no surprise that he plays with dolls, but what's a little surprising is that he used a bottle of syrup and fruit to represent the guys who've already been kicked off.

After another inconsequential model was eliminated without getting the chance to model, the final four went to the lobby to meet up with Tim, who took them on a secret field trip. The designers, as usual, wondered aloud where they were going and Jerrell made another Hedda Lettuce joke (that's one too many now, bro).

Turns out the designers were going to the Botanical Gardens where they were to use the flowers and nature as an inspiration to create an evening gown. The contestants grabbed their digital cameras and took each took close ups of flowers, while Leann almost got stung by a bee (come on, bee, go after Kenley!) and took the blurriest, crappiest picture by far.

After a visit to Mood, the designers got to work and Kenley eventually realized she'd left her tulle at the fabric store. The awkward silence as she waited for Jerrell or Korto to give her some of their spare fabric was a comedic highlight of the episode.

Last week I wrote that when you're a bitch to everyone the entire time, you can't really expect them to want to come to your rescue if you need help. Well Korto reiterated that sentiment (a lot more articulately): "When you have an ugly attitude, it makes you ugly and it makes everything you do ugly." (More on Kenley's Little Mermaid dress later.) I'm not saying that Jerrell and Korto were right or wrong for not helping Kenley (this IS a competition), I'm just saying they would've been a lot more likely to help if Kenley weren't so horrible.

Of course, it's not Kenley's fault that she's horrible. She was raised by a tugboat captain who let her be as loud and obnoxious as she wanted to be while she was at sea. Unfortunately, back on dry land, Kenley is still a belligerent know-it-all whose mouth once again got her in trouble.

Whenever I start to feel a little bad for Kenley (the girl obviously is lacking in the social skills department and has been convinced by her parents or someone else that she's the smartest most talented person in the world) she becomes her bratty self again. Last night, when Heidi tore into her fish-scaly dress (that wasn't a compliment, Kenley), she snapped back, "I wasn't going for elegance, HEIDI." It's one thing to stand by your vision, but it's another thing for a 25-year-old to constantly act like she knows more than professionals who have been in the fashion industry longer than she's been alive. Also, the challenge was to be inspired by flowers, not seafood.

Fortunately, for Kenley her dress had plenty of company on the scrap heap last night. Leann's garment was well-made (as usual), but it pooped fabric. Did Blayne sneak in and work on it overnight? More importantly, Michael Kors brought up the idea that Leann's designs are beautiful, well-made, but have no joy to them.

Jerrell, who according to Kenley just throws a bunch of stuff together and claims it looks glamorous, threw a bunch of stuff together last night and drew praises (and a win) from the judges, though the construction on his dress was very subpar. Meanwhile, Korto, had the roughest night, choosing a questionable color, but not making a gown that was elegant enough (that beading had to go). I felt bad watching her get so shaken (she wants it SO bad), but I figured she'd still coast through to the final over Kenley, right?

Not so fast, my friends. After the judges asked the designers to state who they'd like to see in the finals (hint: NOT Kenley), the show became a staging of "The Crying Game." Well, not really. It wasn't revealed that Kenley is really a man (though it'd be a LOT more surprising if it were revealed that Jerrell was a man), but the tears DID flow freely.

In the end, the judges eliminated no one and asked each designer to create a collection with only three of them showing at Bryant Park (but not really). Not only was this an awful ending (because Kenley CLEARLY deserved to go home), but it had the extra benefit of being a totally predictable awful ending since the show did the exact same thing last year. Blech.

So what'd you think of this episode? Which of the four designers isn't making it to the top 3? (Notice, I didn't say "which designer isn't making it to Bryant Park because we all know the final 6 designers showed collections to throw off spoiler hounds.") Did you want to see Kenley join the group hug at the end? Finally, where can I get a Tim Gunn bobblehead doll?

The Shield: Serial Offenders

So last week, I talked about how much I enjoyed the storyline with Dutch and potential serial-killer-in-training Lloyd. I also expressed my hopes that the storyline would be a one-episode ordeal because not knowing whether Dutch was right about Lloyd is a lot more chilling.

That being said, I wasn't completely disappointed with the return of the storyline last night (it's more interesting than another standard Dutch/Billings case) because the writers are having it play out in an interesting way. However, I did feel a little let down that the writers have all but confirmed that Lloyd is a sick puppy.

Wanabee profiler Dutch first sought counsel from an actual FBI profiler and, when that assessment proved inconclusive, he did what most of us do when we feel strongly about something — he asked someone else hoping they would agree with them.

That person was Kleavon Gardner, the convicted serial killer who also happens to be Claudette's nemesis (more on him in a bit). Kleavon told Dutch that Lloyd had the "look" of a killer and, when Dutch showed up at his house to confront the teen about the murder, we saw that "look" as Lloyd coolly lied to his mom and pretended everything was ok as he taunted Dutch. As I mentioned, I would've preferred not knowing about Lloyd for sure, but since this storyline is obviously not going away, I'm definitely interested to see how it ends.

When he wasn't consulting for Dutch, Kleavon — defending himself during a deposition — was being a general pain in the ass for Claudette (pictured, left). I thought guest star Ray Campbell had been excellent in his previous appearances as Kleavon, but last night, he may have topped himself. I mean, have we ever seen Claudette more flustered or intellectually overmatched than we did last night? (CCH Pounder played those emotions just as well as she plays Claudette when she's in control.) Maybe Claudette was just off her game due to the drugs she's been taking for lupus (and, according to Kleavon, make her paranoid and insane).

In the end, Claudette and the DA agreed to take the death sentence off the table in exchange for keeping Kleavon's testimony and Claudette's illness a secret. The bigger picture is the fact that Claudette may now be a bigger liability than asset. It was ugly to see such a competent, proud cop get taken apart bit by bit. Maybe, with Danny now by her side (another competent cop) and aware of her knowledge, Claudette can make it to the end of this series relatively unscathed.

The odds that Vic and his Strike Team make it to the end unscathed get worse and worse every week.

Last week, Vic and Aceveda found out Agt. Murray was in Cruz Pezuela's pocket, and this week was all about finding out how much information Murray had fed Pezuela about Vic's shenanigans and his inquiries into Pezuela associate Armando Rios.

When Murray showed up the next day with a high-difficulty job for the Strike Team — recovering a drug lord's kidnapped daughter and avoiding the drug lord's murderous henchmen without hinting at police involvement so the drug lord would walk into a federal sting operation — Shane suspected they were being set up for a fall by the fed.

The case DID involve a pretty kickass car chase and one of Vic's patented highly dangerous and highly ingenious plans. Vic arranged to make it look like a rival gang tried to rip off the gang that had the girl, while letting the captive girl escape in the confusion. And wouldn't you know it, it worked perfectly.

Earlier in the episode, Shane had suggested to Vic that he simply give the blackmail box to the Armenians (thereby repaying the money train debt and assuring his family's safety), so the Armenians could turn it over to the Mexicans and end the gang war (less dead bodies in Farmington). When Vic rejected Shane's idea, Shane tried to reason with Ronnie, who, despite hating Shane, sort of agreed with him.

After being confronted by Ronnie, Vic told him the real reason he didn't want to give the Armenians the blackmail box. Other than staying on the job to take down Pezuela and putting a "down payment on his soul"(which is probably how he feels, but may have just been a line he fed Shane), the more compelling reason for Vic not turning the box over is that he has no idea where it is — Aceveda has it.

In the end, Vic confronted Agt. Murray at her apartment and learned that she hadn't told Pezuela anything about his incriminating activities. I thought it would've been a little more interesting if Murray was actually a crooked agent, but the show (conveniently for Vic) made her sympathetic (she broke the law to keep her brother out of jail).

As if Vic didn't have enough to do, he had to dodge Danny trying to get him to sign a paternity waver AND deal with Cassidy, the budding ho/ecstasy dealer. I like the idea that Vic's professional life and choices are wreaking havoc on his personal life. Still, Cassidy's sudden prominence in the final season is a little suspect given how she was mostly a non-factor for the first six years. I can't help but wonder if it has to do with the fact that Autumn Chiklis (who plays Cassidy) is the daughter of the show's star, executive producer and occasional director (Chiklis DID do a terrific job with that car chase).

So what'd you think of this episode? How is the inevitable Dutch/Lloyd showdown going to end? Will Claudette make it to the end of the season? Finally, which semi-regular character were you happiest to see back? Kleavon or Dina, that sassy little car thief?