Dancing with the Stars: Acting the Part

Last night, on "Dancing with the Stars" we learned that next week the remaining couples will each be performing one of four new dances: the salsa, Jitterbug, Hustle and West Coast Swing.

Despite the fact that I'd probably take the Hustle out of there, I'm really looking forward to seeing some new dances on display in the ballroom. Of course, that left this week's dances to contend with.

Unfortunately, we've hit that lull in the season where most of the terrible people are gone, but there are enough left that the real competition hasn't begun. It's also the time, as Carrie Ann constantly reminded everyone, where the judges start looking for sharper performances and technique, despite the fact that it's still a tad early for that since the stars haven't performed any dance more than once.

Although I'm no fan of his dancing, I thought it was ice cold to announce that Rocco would've been the person sent home had there been an elimination last week. So thanks to Misty May Treanor's ruptured Achilles, he's still around.

I would like to say he took advantage of his extra opportunity, but his dancing was as bad during his samba as it's ever been. At least his pink sleeves were poofier than ever. Not even his mom could whip him into shape.

He was even caught in the leaderboard by Cloris, who decided to give a real effort this week and was rewarded by the judges (unlike two weeks ago when they dissed her decent paso doble). Of course, there's no way her tango was really a 22, but she's in her freakin' 80's so I'll let it slide. She and Rocco are in a tie for last place on the two-week leaderboard, so one of them is almost certainly going home. I'm going with Rocco because I can remember almost nothing from his dance other than the sleeves.

By contrast, I finally remembered a Maurice Green performance. The judges slammed his lack of precision, but I found his enjoyable samba my favorite dance of his by far — and only 20% of that had to do with his and Cheryl's afro wigs. On the other hand, Warren took a swan dive after an uninspired samba routine with Kym, whose choreography was lacking in moves from the big man. In fact, Warren most impressive move was that handstand he pulled off in capoeira classes.

While Warren struggled, Cody got sent to the principal's office. Well, the principal came to him via videoconference call. We get it — he's really young and a spaz. What's next? Are they going to have him licking an oversized lollipop while wearing a schoolboy's uniform next week to convey how young he is? Anyway, his tango was solid and controlled, if unspectacular. I was slightly more impressed by Julianne's pants and the song they danced to.

The big breakthrough this week was Lance finally cashing in on his promise, catapulting to second overall in the standings and getting unanimous praise from the judges. Lance and Lacey were finally able to fuse their desire to think outside the box with the judges' desire to have them perform proper ballroom moves in a tango to "Disturbia" as far as I can tell Lance's contributions to the dance included the "Bye Bye Bye" puppet moves at the beginning and the part at the end where he pretended to break Lacey's neck. How helpful!

More fun was Susan and Tony's appearance. I mean, their tango was ok and Susan finally channeled a bit more of the badass personality (even if her dancing remained dainty). I'm talking about Tony's awesome cameo as a bruised guy on crutches on "All My Children." FAN-freakin'-TASTIC. So many questions — how did he get hurt? A motorcycle accident? A ruptured Achilles tendon? It could be anything?

Meanwhile, Toni Braxton's was ok. I like that her partner Alec has her dancing a lot (samba roll!), and I LOVED his backward split through her legs at the end, but she wasn't fluid enough and appeared to bounce WAY too much.

This was especially apparent after you watched Brooke Burke's samba. While Len didn't care for the excessive gimmickry in their performance (he especially had it in for Derek's glasses), the dancing was spot on, as it has all season. Brooke (pictured, right) has dominated the leaderboard every week, so why doesn't she feel like a clear frontrunner. Is it the questionable size of her fan base? (I mean, how many people out there outside of her many kids are voting for her?) I don't know, but it just feels like she should be a stronger favorite to win than she is.

So what'd you think of this episode? Who was the better actor? Tony on "All My Children" or Mark Ballas on "Samantha Who?" Weren't you glad they shelved that "winner, winner, chicken dinner" thing, if just for a week? Finally, who do you have going home?

Heroes: Who's Pulling the Strings

After last week's disaster, there was nowhere to go but up, right?

Even if that weren't the case, I think last night's episode, "Angels and Monsters," (I guess they feared a Dan Brown lawsuit if they went with "Angels and Demons") would've stood on its own as one of the show's finer hours.

Sure, "Heroes" is still far from perfect (what show is perfect anyway), but the more important realization I came to recently is that I should stop expecting it to be "good." When the show began, it certainly had the potential to be "good" (even "very good"), but two and a quarter seasons of gaping plot holes, questionable logic and dropped characters (I guess Irish Caitlin is still in that one alternate future that was averted) have taken the show too far off the rails for it to ever be taken seriously.

Of course, that doesn't mean that the show and its talented cast and (occasionally) talented writers can't deliver one hell of a fun hour of entertainment.

And last night, did just that, answering a few of this season's burning questions. As an extra added bonus, we even got a few fleeting moments of honest-to-goodness emotion and human drama. This was largely a result of the show narrowing its focus and (finally) weaving several characters' stories together, resulting in less-scattered episodes.

I continue to be impressed by the honest moments in Nathan and Tracy's storyline amidst a show that features one character inexplicably attacking a drug dealer in the middle of broad daylight in a busy park and dragging his bleeding body home.

I hadn't been a big fan of the religious rhetoric Nathan had been spouting ever since he survived the assassination attempt and was fed to him by the Linderman vision. So, after his and Tracy's visit to Angela to confront her about Dr. Zimmerman, it was a real blow to him (and the audience) for him to find out he had been created in a lab, just like Tracy. It was such a letdown for him that he barely addressed the fact that his parents had made him "special" because he wasn't born special enough.

Of course, the big reveal in the episode is that the vision of Linderman was created by Maury Parkman (should've seen THAT one coming), who is working for Nathan, Peter (and Sylar's) surprisingly-alive dad, Arthur Petrelli. Then again, it would've been a little more surprising if NBC hadn't teased his appearance relentlessly all week. By convincing Nathan his gift was a gift from God, Arthur ensured that Nathan would stay quiet about people with abilities.

We can also presume Arthur is the force behind snatching both halves of the formula from the Company for his own rival Pinehearst Industries. Apparently, he is the force behind a future where most everyone has abilities. Whereas the Company seems content to lock away or eliminate people with dangerous abilities, Arthur and Pinehearst seems content to let them run free and rule the world.

Since Arthur will be played by "Jackie Brown"s Robert Forster, I'm looking forward to seeing and hearing more about his plans next time out. The Linderman vision also appeared to Daphne and implored her to put together a team of baddies, including Knox, Adam Monroe, Hiro and Parkman (who mercifully took a break from his spirit quest this week).

After a clever scene where Hiro convinced Adam to help them locate the formula (loved the camera tricks with the coffin) Adam took them to a "Specials Bar" (huh!) which was like the Cantina in Star Wars. While there, Knox grabbed Adam and convinced Hiro to kill Ando if he wanted to join the bad guy team (and possibly get to the formula). The moment where Hiro stabs Ando failed because he appeared to do it with little-to-no hesitation and because no one believes Ando is actually dead. Oh well. That's what happens when you kill and bring people back every week — we become numb to it.

Despite that, I was happy to see a good portion of the characters come together in the story. Still, my favorite reunion was between Claire, H.R.G. and Sylar, also known as Claire's violator.

Claire had gone after a level 5 escapee that could create vortexes (Bubbles from "The Wire"! — aka Andre Royo) and had killed someone. After she tased the bro, she got to talking to him and realized she'd incapacitated what was probably one of the few people in level 5 that didn't mean any harm.

Eventually, H.R.G. and Sylar (pictured, left) showed up to nab the prisoner, leading him to create a vortex that nearly killed Claire (ok, so maybe Vortex guy's not perfect). Fortunately, Sylar was there to save Claire's life. Later, after getting Vortex Guy's location from Claire, H.R.G. tried to convince him to create a vortex and do away with Sylar, who was straining to hear (I can only assume his super-hearing power has been wiped away). Instead, Vortex guy — who wasn't going to get to see his wife or kids — didn't want to go back to the Company or kill anyone else, so he vortexed (totally a real word) himself.

My favorite scene of the episode was when Claire finally realized that, in his efforts to protect his family, H.R.G. uses everyone, including her. Sylar helpfully (and maybe accurately) pointed out that H.R.G. doesn't see the humanity in people with abilities. The thing was, it didn't even come off like Sylar was trying to drive a wedge between them — he was giving an honest assessment. I believe he's honestly trying to fight the urge to kill people and feed on them. Ask Peter how tough that is, given that he almost killed his own mom earlier in the hour.

Finally, it's time to do away with Mohinder and Maya's storyline. If he's not going to be working on a version of the formula that works and is going to be trolling the park for delinquents to kill he needs to be off the show. And he should take Maya with him, who is COMPLETELY puzzling. I mean, does she have a job now? What does she do all day in New York when she's not checking up on Mohinder? What's the deal?!

Those two need to be shoved aside, especially in favor of the villain we saw with Claire's biological mom Meredith, who can control other people's actions. Sure, the episode hit us over the head with the fact that he's a puppet master by showing us puppets, but he still seems like a promising character based on that super-creepy scene. Hopefully the show builds on this strong episode

So what'd you think of this episode? Since Linderman is in Nathan's head, how did he REALLY survive Peter's assassination? (Was it Adam's blood from last year?) Which "Wire" cast member do you hope to see next? (I'm waiting for Isaiah Whitlock, aka Clay Davis, to show up as a fellow Pinehurst bad guy). Finally, how do you think Ando will be brought back to life? (You just know he will, but I'm thinking it might be Adam who does it, in keeping with the whole "villains-turned-heroes" theme.)

Desperate Housewives: Running of the Bullies

Last night's episode of "Desperate Housewives" delivered the funny in a big way as two of the main characters (Bree and Susan) returned to top form.

Unfortunately, there still seems to be some mandate that at least one of the Housewives has to act like a complete shrew in each episode — how else to explain the way Lynette is treating Tom?

I get that Tom can be every bit as childish as any of the couple's kids, but Lynette was being downright horrible to her husband right from the start. As the two were cleaning out their garage, she ridiculed all of the hobbies he'd never gotten around to (in front of Dave, a guy they don't know that well). No one likes a ton of trash in their house, but that was just mean (at least Tom got to keep those old Playboys).

As if that wasn't bad enough, Lynette made it look like their daughter Penny (THAT'S where she is) was responsible for leaving Tom's bass lying in the middle of the garage, causing him to run over it. I mean, who cares if Tom wants to jam out every once in a while in his garage with Dave on drums, Mike on guitar (and maybe Carlos as a blind piano player)? It's not like the dude is planning on ditching his family and touring around the world.

Of course, the most significant development occurred when Dave came over with a replacement bass and warned Lynette that, if she keeps stifling him, her marriage might be in trouble. At first, I thought Dave's presumptuousness would rub Lynette the wrong way and possibly lead her to team up with Mrs. McCluskey in digging into Dave's past. However, Lynette seemed content to play the hero at the end of the episode by giving Tom the bass.

In fact, Dave spent a decent amount of time winning over his neighbors. Besides Tom and Lynette, he seems to have Katherine on his side after fixing her sprinkler system. The only problem is that Katherine is supposed to be helping Mrs. M. dig up dirt on Dave. I like Katherine and Mrs. M together (mostly because it gives Dana Delaney something to do) and McCluskey's straightforward interrogation style toward Edie was a treat.

While they weren't the most effective team, they got in Edie's head enough to make her call out her new husband for evading a direct question about his past. The scene where Dave admitted that he hadn't gone to college in front of Edie and her friends was as tense and awkward as it was meant to be. Of course, I think it's 50/50 whether Dave is being truthful, but that's another reason why Neal McDonough is the best addition to the show in years. It also looks like Mrs. McCluskey's life will be spared, but she'll likely be taking a trip to a nursing home soon.

Out of all the housewives' storylines, I was happiest to see Bree come back from wreaking havoc in her new workplace to wreaking havoc in her family. Danielle (pictured, right with Bree) brought Bree's grandson Benjamin (Benji) back to Wisteria Lane for the first time in three years.

Bree had promised to be on her best behavior while Danielle and her new husband Leo were visiting, but Bree had trouble biting her tongue right from the start when she saw Danielle's "delightfully ethnic" outfit. After revealing that they were homeschooling Benji (loved the line about him overtaking Danielle once he gets to reading at a 4th grade level) and raising him as a vegan, it almost seemed as if Danielle was actively doing as much as she could to antagonize her mother.

Then again, given what a severe figure Bree can be, can you blame her? Fortunately, this brought back the conniving side of Bree as she manipulated the boy into eating a hot dog (so he can play for the Red Sox). Of course, it all backfired when he threw up said hot dog and Danielle stormed off. The unexpected repercussion of this scene was Orson lashing out at Bree for blowing their chance at a relationship with their grandson. We also found out that Orson blames Bree for letting Danielle take Benji away while he was in prison. I know the guy has been (rightfully) feeling neglected lately, but that's still too harsh.

Benji was far from the only kid on the block. Susan's son M.J. and Gabrielle's daughter Juanita got some healthy screen time last night as Susan found out her son was being bullied by Gabby's daughter. After Mike and Jackson refused to teach M.J. how to beat up a girl, Susan took matters into her own hands and shoved Juanita to the ground after she'd attacked M.J. again. Juanita had it coming and it's probably just the thing I would've done — except that I don't hit girls because it's against the rules (this is why I don't have kids yet).

That led to a funny exchange of words between Susan and Gabby ("I'm saying she's fat for YOUR age," Susan to Gabby) before the two rolled around in an abbreviated fight. With Susan's hair dye still in, I think this had the comedic potential to match Gabby's fight with the nun from a few years ago. I know I've complained about Susan's constant pratfalls, but what can I say? Teri Hatcher is good at them, and this time she got some equally good lines to complement the physical comedy. Eventually, the two friends made up over booze and the shared knowledge that they each have it pretty hard but are good mothers at the end of the day.

I'm still not convinced Gabby has it as hard as the writers want us to believe. The couple finally sold their convertible the smuggest couple I can remember seeing on this show. However, I found it a tad unbelievable they had to go from their gorgeous car to Andrew's (full disclosure) piece of crap. I mean wasn't there a 2003 Toyota Corolla they could've picked up instead.

Nevertheless, I enjoyed seeing Gabby face off with Andrew because they're two of the cattiest characters on the block. I'm also delighted to see that just because Andrew wears a suit and tie doesn't mean he's lost his edge (though hopefully he won't sleep with Carlos to get even with Gabby), but I was even more delighted to see Gabby get a small victory, when she finally convinced him to pay for the busted radiator. That girl needed a win in the worst way. She helped make this episode a winner too.

So what'd you think of this episode? What's with the weird man-love between Mike and Jackson? Am I picking up a gay vibe between the two or am I just picking up a gay vibe because I can't separate Gale Harold from his role on "Queer as Folk"? Finally, who's Dave going to recruit to be on his side next?

NFL 2008 Week 6 Picks

Don't mind me as I gloss over my failure at picking football games last time out (6-8 week, 42-32 season). Let's instead look ahead to a week 6 slate of games which should make for a pretty entertaining Sunday.

CHICAGO @ ATLANTA
This is a matchup of two teams with winning records (3-2) that I'm just having a hard time believing are actually any good. Maybe it's because I've seen them lose to the (occasionally-sorry) Bucs. I'm giving Atlanta the edge because they're at home and because they went into Lambeau Field and won last week, despite the fact that doing so is becoming increasingly easy to do.

BALTIMORE @ INDIANAPOLIS
The Colts are bad on offense now (except for the last four minutes of games), they've lost a significant homefield advantage in their new open-air stadium and face the best defense in the league. Yikes! Never thought I'd take the team with Flacco over the team with Manning (either one of them!)

DETROIT @ MINNESOTA
I guess the Vikes should be happy they won the most garbage Monday Night Football game in recent history, despite allowing TWO punt return TDs and with the help of two Martin Gramatica (pictured, left) missed field goals. I'd still feel pretty iffy about myself. Fortunately, the Lions are coming to town (who I've recently decided are worse than the Rams), so Minnesota's (and their fans') self-esteem should get a boost.

OAKLAND @ NEW ORLEANS
Tom Cable makes his coaching debut for the Raiders. How long until Al Davis calls him a liar and fires him? Week 12? I like the Gramatica-free Saints in this one.

CINCINNATI @ N.Y. JETS
Fact: the Jets are averaging 56 points per game while wearing their throwback New York Titans uniforms this year. Despite going back to their original green and white I like them over Cincinnati, which will be without Carson Palmer. I'm so glad Palmer's killing someone else's fantasy season this year the way he helped kill mine last year.

CAROLINA @ TAMPA BAY
Now that I've revoked Jon Gruden's "offensive genius" card for putting up 13 points against one of the league's worst defenses last week, it's time to get down to business for the Bucs. They face their toughest division opponent this week and CANNOT afford to fall behind two games in the NFC South. I like them at home and I like them even better with Jeff Garcia at QB. I'm not saying the offense explodes (I think the Bucs will get a TD on defense), but I'm pretty sure he won't put up three picks ala Griese.

ST. LOUIS @ WASHINGTON
I tried to talk myself into the Rams pulling a shocker under their new coach and catching the Skins off guard after back-to-back huge wins for Washington — but St. Louis is just TOO bad.

MIAMI @ HOUSTON
All Miami's done is go into New England and San Diego and won the last couple of weeks. I'm still going with Houston because they probably should've won the last couple of weeks, but choked each game away to superior opponents. I don't think they'd consider Miami to be superior, so they should be relaxed.

JACKSONVILLE @ DENVER
QB Jay Cutler and the Broncos have cooled off considerably and Jacksonville needs this one after a bad loss in Pittsburgh. I see Fred Taylor and MoJo Drew each running for 100 yards in this one.

DALLAS @ ARIZONA
Did Dallas not suspend Pacman Jones because they REALLY found he didn't do anything wrong or because, with CB Terrence Newman injured, they kind of need him? You decide. I'd pick the Cardinals if everyone else in the world weren't picking them for an upset this week.

PHILADELPHIA @ SAN FRANCISCO
I'm glad I wrote this recap before I found out the Eagles would be without star RB Brian Westbrook. They're a different team without him. And by that, I mean they're bad.

GREEN BAY @ SEATTLE
Sure Seattle's been atrocious this year, but Hasselbeck has his favorite target back and they're always solid at home. On the other hand, the MVP trophy everyone wanted to give Aaron Rodgers after week 2 has been cruelly yanked away from his hands.

SAN DIEGO @ NEW ENGLAND
San Diego's sitting at 2-3 and they need this one badly if they want to avoid falling in too deep of a hole to catch the Broncos in the AFC West. The problem is that New England pretty much always beats them. I think they'll do the same (even without Brady). It just comes down to Bill Belichick >>>>> Norv Turner.

N.Y. GIANTS @ CLEVELAND
If you ready my intro to this column carefully (and why wouldn't you) I said the week 6 slate of games should make for a pretty entertaining Sunday. With the way the Giants have been rolling and the way Cleveland has been struggling (TE Kellen Winslow now has a mysterious illness) this game is going to be a dog (and, unfortunately, that's not a compliment or a shout out to Browns fans.)

America's Next Top Recap: Award-Worthy Performances

It doesn't happen very often, but every once a while, Tyra takes off her crazy hat for a little while and actually teaches the girls in this competition something.

Ok, so Tyra never really takes off her crazy hat, and when she does she replaces it with an inexplicable black hoodie at the judges' panel. I know she explained why she was wearing a hoodie, but I still don't understand. Still, it's always cool (and a little startling) to see this ridiculous mess of a show actually try to teach somebody something.

Of course, lest you think the show's going straight (not true in ANY sense of the word), Tyra's session to give the girls their signature looks yielded such gems as "rebel ice skater" (like Tonya Harding?), "Hunchback of Notre Dame" (as opposed to "Hunchback of Northwestern? We get it, Marjorie is French) and "Top Model of the World" (I got nothin').

The girls posed for 20 frames while getting critiqued by Tyra, who would then tell them what they needed to work on. This proved especially helpful for Analeigh, who was still trying to find her niche and who no one in the house apparently considered a serious contender. This exercise should've also proven helpful for Lauren Brie, but unfortunately she hadn't yet realized how bland she is. Well, at least Sheena noticed, calling LB "translucent and bland, like her hair", without seeming to realize that "translucent" and "bland" don't mean the same thing.

Turns out the photo shoot was also the week's challenge and Marjorie took home the prize for improving her hunchback pose from over-the-top and ugly-ugly, to ugly-pretty. The reward was a trip to a diamond jewelry store where she and a friend would get an item for free. Marjorie brought Analeigh along, seemingly sensing a fellow contestant's low self-esteem.

Back at the house, drama came in the form of Elina's confession that her Russian mom (who we know she hates) didn't exactly encourage displays of emotion. Last week, I asked if Elina could do anything other than "smolder" in her pictures and, while that question still stands, we gained some understand of why she seems stuck on neutral this week.

The girls traveled to the Orpheum theatre in downtown L.A. where Mr. Jay acted as a sort of ringmaster. Since the show has done the circus freak thing before, I knew they were headed in another direction. Another clue was that the episode was called "Fiercee Awards," named after the made up awards Tyra gave out on her (equally excellently terrible) talk show.

In fact, the girls would be reenacting signature moments from award shows. If they were smart, the girls would also incorporate their signature poses.

My favorites this week were Analeigh (I hope I haven't had that look on my face while interviewing someone — good job with her arm too) and Marjorie (the deserving challenge winner, who contorted her body beautifully and never forgot her face). Joslyn bounced back well with a pretty picture, but unfortunately she has no chance to win, so I don't think I'll invest too much time in her (I don't want to be disappointed.)

The worst of the bunch were Lauren Brie (who DID have a tough assignment, but still didn't do anything) and Samantha (I think even I might've looked pretty standing up there, but I still like her).

Elina was supposed to be an overly emotional actress and her frustration led to real tears. However, I don't equate her real tears with truly letting herself go, which is what the job required. I feel like the tears were more a result of frustration than the emotional release Elina was trying to attain.

Meanwhile, I didn't agree with the praise showered on McKey's photo (pictured, right). She just looked generally angry to me, not specifically like she's lost an award, which would include disappointment or shock. Meanwhile, I didn't agree with the hate thrown on Sheena (Tyra wanted to see more movement, but she had her gown stepped on in the picture - at least her profile is back on the site) The judges also said Sheena just seemed flat, which is probably the first time she's ever heard that. (Then again, maybe it's not and that's why she got the boob job.)

Either way, Sheena landed in the bottom two with Lauren Brie and, for the second week in a row, personality won out over pretty pictures. I'd like to say LB will be missed but I know nothing about her. In fact, you know how the eliminated contestant vanishes from the group photo at the end of every episode? I'm convinced they didn't use a special effect this week — Lauren Brie just disappeared into nothingness.

So what'd you think of this episode? Who knew that out of everything, Tyra's signature is apparently her eyes? (I thought her signature was her batshit insanity.) Finally, is there ANY stopping Marjorie (who got called first) or is she peaking too early?

Project Runway Rundown: Girls, Girls, Girls

I won't sit here and tell you that Jerell deserved to advance to the final three over Kenley (or anyone else) based on their work last night because I can't.

Sure, it wasn't the first time Jerell's designs (pictured, left with Tim Gunn) had taken a long walk on the garish side of things and, most importantly, he didn't heed Tim's advice to edit himself. On the other side, Kenley arguably did the best work she's done all season (or at least the best work Alexander McQueen has done all season), which included, according to Michael Kors, the cutest damn bridesmaid dress he'd ever seen.

What I'm saying is that Kenley shouldn't even had been there last night to beat out Jerrell for the coveted spot at Bryant Park (where we all know the top six showed anyway, but still). I felt that she CLEARLY deserved to go home last week for her fish-scaly dress, but I totally understand that's a matter of taste and opinion.

What is NOT opinion is the fact that Jerell won three of the last four challenges. Does that mean nothing?! I mean, why even HAVE challenge winners if past work isn't taken into consideration? What was the point of announcing Jerrell as the challenge winner last week if none of that goodwill carried over to this week? The most important question is, am I particularly annoyed because Jerell was my Ridiculously Early Pick to win this competition and now he's out? (The answer to this one is "yes.")

Of course, I understand that having three people who get along fantastically well in your final episode isn't exactly the best source of drama, which help explains why they brought Kenley back this week in the first place. And to Kenley's credit, she delivered, Jerell did not, and now she's in the finals.

Before going their separate ways to create their collections, the designers gathered on the runway, where they were notified by Tim Gunn that they'd also be designing a wedding gown as part of their final challenge. The designers, who finally thought they'd be free to do whatever they wanted, were not happy, but I actually liked this idea and I was interested to see their take on the wedding gown.

I was also interested to see each contestant's home life, which we saw through Tim's visits.

If we're to believe the footage shown, Korto and Jerell seem to have the most support back home. Unfortunately, the highlight of the trip to Arkansas to see Korto wasn't her collection — her wedding dress didn't look so much like a wedding dress as much as it did her dress from last week — but it was her cutie pie daughter and her drumming demonstration for Tim. Korto has, undoubtedly, the most emotional backstory of the finalists.

Faring even worse than Korto in the garment department was Jerell who, left to his own devices, designed a wedding gown with an exploding boob and sparkly jewelry. He'd also taken the occasion to grow some questionable facial hair. Fortunately, he had his "love interest" to keep him comfortable.

On the other hand, Tim's stop in Portland to see Leann revealed that she got her inspiration — in color and form — from waves. Most importantly, the visit revealed that Leann has an appropriately dorky boyfriend named Nathan and took a tandem bike ride with Tim.

Meanwhile, when Tim walked into Kenley's apartment, he said he loved how "New York" her apartment was (I'm not sure that was a compliment). The big shocker of the episode (not really) was that Kenley didn't have a single friend or family member (other than the picture of her grandma) at her place for Tim's visit. I guess all that time spent on the tugboat left little time for cultivating friendships. Tim liked her collection overall, but had questions about a rope necklace, which was supposedly a shout out to those tugboat days. Thankfully, evil Kenley didn't come out when Tim questioned the rope.

When they all reconvened back in New York, Jerell found out he'd be rooming with Kenley (though nothing came of this) and Kenley came in, gave a half-hearted apology (before trashing her competition in a confessional) and all (or most) was forgiven.

Shortly thereafter, Tim revealed the designers would also be creating a bridesmaid dress for the challenge — I liked the wedding dress part, but the bridesmaid dress thing was just mean!

On the runway, Kenley got the aforementioned kudos, despite the fact that her wedding dress bears a strong resemblance to Alexander McQueen's work. I guess that's what happens when you (proudly) don't keep up with other designers' works as Kenley does. Still, no one could deny the fact that her bridesmaid dress was fantastic.

I still preferred Leann's combo because they were not only beautifully crafted (as her work usually is), but were cohesive with each other and (apparently) the rest of her collection.

I've already documented Jerell's problems last night (except for the flower growing out of his model's hair), but he's always been pretty hot and cold. Korto, on the other hand, has been on a semi-distressing slide the last two weeks. Making her bridesmaid dress short was a good move, but both garments still had a cut we'd seen before and an uninspired color.

In the end, she (rightfully) squeaked by Jerell and into the finals.

So what'd you think of this episode? Is there a sweeter man in the world than Tim Gunn? (How touching was it to see him break down before the last runway show?) Where can I get a tandem bike? Does Kenley even HAVE friends? Finally, who do you like in the finals? (I'm not pushing for Korto to bounce back and win!)

The Shield: Deathtrap

Last night's episode of "The Shield" wasn't just the best episode of this season, but it was the best episode since Shane decided the best thing for himself and his Strike Teammates would be to blow up one of their friends. (I'd also argue it's in the top 3 non-season finale "Shield" episodes.)

It makes sense that "The Shield" would hit such a high with this episode, since much of it was devoted to Vic and Ronnie honoring their vow to get Lem's killer. As the hour progressed, and Shane (pictured, right) inched closer to Vic and Ronnie's trap, I honestly had NO idea what was going to happen. I could see a scenario where Shane was murdered (even with more than a handful of episodes left in the show's run). I could also easily see Shane surviving unscathed, or being seriously injured in a gun fight. I repeat: I had NO IDEA WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. And I loved it!

The plan was spurred on by Aceveda announcing he was turning the blackmail box into Justice. With the blackmail box out of play, Vic would no longer have any sway over the Armenians or over Pezuela and the Mexicans. Aceveda gave him an extra day to tie up his loose ends and bust Pezuela on a more serious charge than would come from the blackmail box.

Now we've definitely seen Vic improvise complicated plans and set-ups in a short amount of time before, but even this one was a doozy. This time, the idea was to eliminate the Armenians by telling them a fictitious group of Mexicans wanted to sell them the blackmail box for $100,000, but instead sending a Pezuela hit squad led by Armando Rios to kill them. They would also kill Shane (who would be with the Armenians to help broker the deal), eliminate the top Armenian brass (anyone who might be a threat to Vic's family), and keep the Armenians' $100,000 (what's a Vic Mackey plan if he can't get some $ in return).

Of course, Vic wasn't counting on the few curveballs that came his way. The least interesting of which was Agt. Murray's desire to turn herself in so Pezuela would no longer have any influence over her. Pezuela's people asked her to get Rios and his men out of the country after they took the Armenians out and Vic convinced her not to do it. To be honest, I didn't really care and instead worried that my prediction about Vic sleeping with her might not come true. I was actually more interested in Vic's family drama this week, since it turned out Corrine was popping downers to deal with bad girl Cassidy (and autistic Matthew, who is suddenly invisible). The irony of Vic questioning Corrine's parenting skills was completely lost on him.

More interesting was the reappearance of the last person I expected to see again (other than Lem, of course). Tavon, the former Strike Team member who was hospitalized after one of the fiercest fictional brawls EVER with Shane, returned to get his help. He needed Shane's cooperation because of Shane's rapport with a 16-year-old girl who was going to help them catch a murderer, but it turns out he was really there to tell Shane that he knew the truth about their fight — Tavon hadn't hit Shane's wife Mara and instead had been hit by Mara in the head by a golf club.

Besides the fact that Tavon's reappearance left a dangling plot thread that will probably be resolved soon (nothing happened after Tavon's confrontation), I liked it because his interactions with the girl allowed us to see a softer side of Shane, and that side that IS a good cop.

More importantly, Vic saw that side and had a crisis of conscience. He tried to back out of killing a close friend ("I'm not Shane"), but I was most struck by how ice cold Ronnie was in his insistence to go through with the plan. In the end, Shane survived because he was fortunate enough to leave the warehouse a few minutes before the Armenians were executed. However, the entire sequence was one of the most wonderfully tense few minutes on television in a while.

Of course, the best twist came at the end when Shane revealed to Mara that he'd figured out that Vic and Ronnie had set him up to be killed. Walton Goggins played this scene with the right mix of subtle anger and hurt feelings. Shane had an uneasy alliance with Vic and Ronnie the last few weeks, but that's out the window now, so it's going to be fascinating to watch them interact from here on out. I also liked that Shane found a way to get away with the money, which is totally a Vic move. That right there underscores how similar Vic and Shane really are, no matter what Vic might say.

The main Vic/Shane storyline was so strong in this episode that it made everything else look relatively weak.

I was a little disappointed to see Dutch and Billings revert to Dutch working on his own and Billings not giving a damn mode (no matter how funny he is). Dutch was working on a case of a sleepwalker who'd apparently committed a murder. I WAS excited to see Dutch and Claudette team up since Billings was more preoccupied with his lawsuit. However, their scenes together didn't really crackle. In fact, my favorite Claudette scene was when she tore Ronnie a new one for being a puppet leader for the Strike Team.

Despite Dutch not having his best storyline last night, it DID yield some interesting forward movement. After it turned out that sleepwalker guy was innocent, but still killed himself because Claudutch convinced him he'd committed murder, Dutch had a heart-to-heart with Billings, in which he implored his new partner to challenge him so he doesn't become indulgent in the way Dutch does when he starts to feel particularly smart. We'll see if Billings steps up next week.

So what'd you think of this episode? Did you think Shane was a goner? Will we see Tavon again, and will he have a hand in getting Shane? Finally, when will Vic and Ronnie find out that Shane is on to them?

Dancing with the Stars: She's Making Us Misty

Don't ever let anyone tell you that dancing isn't hard.

Sure I may be a little biased because I've dabbled in dancing for the better part of the last five years, but, if you needed any more proof, look at what happened to poor Misty May Treanor (pictured, left).

Here's a world-class athlete who won a gold medal at the Olympics less than two months ago rupturing her Achilles tendon during a rehearsal for a show that would regularly rank in my top 5 silliest shows on TV if I ever bothered to put that list together.

I'll miss her because she had potential as a dancer and was a natural born performer. She was also, by my count, one of only five people (along with Lance, Toni, Brooke, and Warren) who could actually win this season. I'll also miss Maks, one of the most interesting pros (if not the most interesting), but not as much as my girl Erica will miss him (probably for different reasons than mine). That being said, I really hope this rumor doesn't turn out to be true.

With that out of the way, let's talk about the dancing last night — which I guess I have to do despite the fact that, with few exceptions, was mostly uninspired and over scored. The couples performed the Viennese waltz and the jive, while one couple performed a Vietnamese waltz for good measure.

Len's assessment that Brooke's waltz was the best dance of the season is absolutely true from a technical standpoint. However, I didn't really see a wow moment in the dance (I get that the waltz isn't a "wow" dance, but still) and found myself spacing out a bit (probably because it was the last dance of a mediocre night). I don't think it was worthy of the season's first 10, much less one from the DANCMSTR. More interesting was Derek chastising his partner when she had trouble learning the dance ("your mind is lazy.") Ok, so the fight itself wasn't interesting, but I enjoyed it because I've (unfortunately) been known to go all "Derek" on Erica a few times when we dance and because of the odd way the two seemed to be acting during this "fight."

While Brooke's may have been better, I enjoyed Warren and, yes, Toni's dance better. Warren continues to amaze with how light he is on his feet, though his arm action fell just short of Jason Taylor-esque. Warren earned his first 9 (I thought it was really a solid 8) Meanwhile, Toni insisted on taking a chance this week altering her "Vietnamese" waltz with a faux-hard-rock edge. Personally, I didn't see enough of a difference in her dancing from a traditional waltz to peeve the judges, but I guess they were just too distracted by the music. I guess they were also distracted while waiting for the handstand she practiced over and over again, but (smartly) never tried to perform. Also, I kinda like that she's good enough that she doesn't need to take any chances — but still took one! As long as it's not a regular thing it should be fine.

That's been the problem facing Lance and Lacey, who finally dialed things down this week. While trying to appease Len, they visited what they thought would be his peers at a retirement community (come on, Len's not THAT old!) Unfortunately, Lance's dancing was simply not good enough. Warren's waltz CLEARLY was better, and that just shouldn't be. Despite the underwhelming dance, I fear Lacey's throwaway remark that Cloris will be coming to the retirement community after the show will hurt the couple more than Lance's subpar dancing.

Rocco also performed a waltz and, while I usually struggle to find nice things to say about his dancing, I will say that I don't remember him being THAT bad this week. Of course, I was probably distracted by the awful version of "What's New Pussycat" (good call by Erica in saying it sounded like Randy Newman was singing). Bruno was right — he should've kept the blindfold on the entire time. I should've reached for the ear plugs.

The remaining couples performed the jive — except for Cloris who performed a travesty masquerading as a jive. I feared this would happen after the judges (um, Carrie Ann) trashed her the one time she actually tried to dance last week. The less said about Cloris' performance (featuring a moment where she pretended to smell Corky's fart) the better. That routine had "2" written all over it.

I was actually looking forward to a performance by Maurice for the first time because I figured the jive would be right up his alley. In the end, it was just meh and the thing I remember the most is Cheryl backleading her way through most of the moves and Maurice's awful jacket. Of course, the judges all gave him 8s because they'll likely never get a chance to score him that high again this season.

Cody's jive, on the other hand, had lots of potential before (as Len accurately pointed out) it became repetitive and fell apart in the second half. (Really, Julianne? You choreographed TWO moments where he plays your leg as a guitar?) Then there was Susan, who is just not very fun to watch because I feel like she's going to break if she dances too hard. Then again, maybe she feels that way too, given the dainty little way she dances. That didn't stop the judges, mesmerized by her breasts, from giving her straight 7s. More importantly, I think she's supplanted Kim Kardashian as "Person Erica hates the most."

So what'd you think of this episode? What was your favorite Misty/Maks memory? Is there any chance Maks could potentiall whipe Kim's ass (ha!) into shape? Finally, is there any chance in hell they send someone home this week?

(NOTE: I won't be linking to the dances anymore in these recaps. Every time the videos got taken down after I spent so much time linking to them a little piece of me died. Sorry. If you haven't seen the show or the routines discussed here, I encourage you to seek them out yourself, so you can fully appreciate my hilariously witty comments. Thank you.)

Heroes: Peter Gabriel

Oh no.

Listen. I don't like writing negative recaps of "Heroes" or any other TV show. Sure it's a lot easier (and funnier) for me to write about something ridiculously terrible, but you have to believe me when I tell you that every Monday night I sit down to watch "Heroes" I want the show to be good.

Unfortunately, the show has gotten worse every time out since its promising season 3 premiere.

Oh no.

I know last week's previews teased it, but did we REALLY need another "apocalyptic future" episode (oooh, I can't wait for next year's hellish vision of the future)? On top of that, did we need to see another bomb decimate a good portion of the population (at least this time it wasn't New York). As my girlfriend Erica astutely pointed out, why don't the characters in the show just stop trying to fix the future (and making things worse in the process) and just deal with things the way they are?

I get that the show is trying to make the point that, no matter how much you try, you can't change the future (or even save the world), but earlier (and better) sci-fi works have been making this point for decades. So the overused and lame attempts by "Heroes" to make these points come off as lazy.

Then again, if you watch the show as a comedy (which I might start doing, it's not so bad). It's a shame though, because the episode started off promisingly enough when Future Peter presented Present Peter with a future four years from now where damn near everyone had special abilities. The future we were watching was also a version of the future Parkman saw during his spirit quest, which I'm still trying to acknowledge as little as possible — at least the (non)talking turtle returned last night.

I thought the episode would explore the whole "if everyone is special then no one is special" idea, but that might actually have yielded an interesting episode.

Instead, the hour went on to tease and set up mostly inane questions and mysteries (what made Claire want to join a hit squad? How did Matt and Daphne get together? Is Mohinder a snake, a ninja, or both?) that will eventually be answered — assuming people still care by that point.

While I was laughing at Milo Ventimiglia's "hardass" performance as Future Peter (his low, husky voice was almost as over-the-top as Christian Bale's in "The Dark Knight") he got shot and killed. Before I could wonder how Future Peter can be killed by several bullets to the chest since he has Claire's ability, Present Peter got the hell out of there.

Peter disappeared to Isaac Mendez' loft/Mohinder's lab, where the not-so-good doctor had become some sort of disfigured, wretched creature that hides in the darkness. Needless to say, I like him a lot better that way, especially if it turns out he killed and ate Maya (Least. Appealing. Couple. Ever.) Still, if they insist on having Mohinder on the show, he needs to spend more time working on a version of the formula that actually works and less time getting into inconsequential fights with neighbors. Also, what's with the extreme attitude? Is that another side-effect of the formula? Maybe Mohinder's not a superhero and he's just on his period?

Heeding Future Peter's earlier advice, Present Peter went to Costa Verde to find Sylar and take his ability only to learn "Gabriel" had settled down into a life of happy domesticity.

The Peter/Sylar (pictured, right) storyline was BY FAR the best part of the episode. I kinda wish the episode had been entirely about them. Gabriel warned Peter that his power (figuring out how things work) also came along with a hunger for more of that knowledge and power (an interesting point that hadn't been previously addressed). In this future, Sylar wrestled with that urge every day, but seemed to have come out the other side as a good guy (maybe with the help of Bennett, who we all assume is dead). On the other hand, once Peter acquired Sylar's power, we knew he'd also take on some of his more unsavory qualities. Still, I was strangely unaffected when he sliced his brother's head open.

I also might've cared more about little Noah's death if his presence weren't so obviously a ploy to garner cheap sympathy (it doesn't work because we don't know the kid) and, literally, set Sylar off. Knox and Daphne also didn't survive the blast, with the latter racing all the way to New York (huh) to die in Parkman's arms. To be honest, I was more saddened by the fact that Mr. Muggles was undoubtedly killed in the blast.

Back in the present, things were going a little better — unless you count the Hiro/Ando storyline which is currently spinning its wheels as the two continue to distrust each other. We get it (and hopefully Hiro gets it): these two need each other. The only forward movement last night was Angela Petrelli charging Hiro and Ando with getting the formula back — and enlisting the help of Adam Monroe/Kensei. While the situation has "bad idea" written all over it from the characters' perspectives, I like that David Anders is back because he was one of the few highlights from last season. I was just a little disappointed he didn't say "hello carp" when Hiro opened his coffin.

Finally, there was Tracy and Nathan. Tracy found out that she was one of three triplets adopted (and apparently early test subjects for the formula). Meanwhile, although I don't care for Nathan and Linderman's talk of angels the same way I didn't really care for it in "Hancock," I thought Nathan's scenes with Tracy were some of the more effective last night. Tracy's discovery of her powers is reminiscent of what the show was about in the beginning, while Nathan is also still trying to figure out his purpose.

I'm not saying that the show needs to go back to what it was in season 1 (except for the part where it was really good), but that they should focus on the stuff that works and maybe blow up (for real this time!) the superfluous characters that don't.

So what'd you think of this episode? I mean Claire was the mother of Gabriel's son, Noah, in the future, right? Will Nathan get to sleep with all three triplets before everything's said and done?

Desperate Housewives: A Cat-astrophic Decision

After last week's eventful premiere — where we spent most of our time getting our bearings while catching up with the characters on Wisteria Lane following the five-year leap — the following episode was bound to be a bit of a letdown.

That doesn't mean there weren't things to like in last night's episode, which dealt with one of the show's major themes (revealed through a nifty twist on the usual opening montage) — the trouble brewing underneath the perfect exterior.

For example, Bree Van De Kamp is the picture perfect homemaker, while Bree Hodge is a woman who pushed her friend out of the limelight last week and refused to acknowledge her husband during a radio interview this week. (Who's next on her hit list? Will it be Andrew, leading to the return of Evil Andrew?)

I agreed with Bree on the whole "Van De Kamp" vs. "Hodge" issue (though saying "Hodge" is the sound a plunger makes is WAY harsh), but that was pretty much the only time I was with her. We learned that Orson had served his prison sentence at Bree's insistence. (My thoughts on the matter were that if Mike and Susan forgave Orson for running Mike over, then I didn't understand why Bree couldn't.) As a result, Bree wasn't in a hurry to bring up her ex-con of a husband, and I'm fine with that. She has a certain public image she wants to maintain. What I'm not ok with is her making promises to her spouse (even if it's a stupid pot roast) and then completely disregarding them. We saw a darker side of Orson after he crushed his chopsticks and, later, angrily insisted that Bree make the pot roast. But were we supposed to feel bad for a crying Bree while she cooked for her husband? Sorry, but I was on Orson's side.

I definitely enjoyed Bree more during her scenes with Gabby. Gabby was excited about being invited to an elite country club party only to find out from Bree she'd been disinvited because Carlos now worked at the club as a masseuse ("We used to HAVE help, now we're the help!") In typical Gabby fashion, she crashed the party by sneaking in through a service entrance. Eventually, she and Carlos got kicked out after a smartly-written scene between Gabby and Bree involving a kitchen door which revealed Carlos' ejection from the party step-by-funny step.

Of course, this led to the sweetest scene of the evening, in which Carlos told Gabby they finally had everything they needed and that he's never been happier. Still, this was too similar to his "you're still beautiful" speech from last week and, while touching, I'm looking forward to this couple doing more than the usual "Gabby does something silly and Carlos makes a touching speech at the end" shtick.

Speaking of the usual shtick, Susan wore a collection of skimpy outfits last night while acting irrationally silly (at least she didn't fall down this time). This time the silliness was spurred .. her ex-husband Mike met her current boyfriend Jackson in an awkward (and funny) scene. Mike insisted he and Jackson hang out so he could get to know him the man who will be spending time around his son a little better.

Despite the relative waste of Teri Hatcher's talent (she IS talented) again, I enjoyed bits of this storyline, including James Denton's performance. The guy and his "acting" are frequent punching bags in this column, but he delivered last night. He was funny throughout and he was charming in the scene where he convinced Susan he sees her in a very positive light despite their past. The storyline also gave us a cameo from Susan's first ex Karl, by FAR the most interesting guy (asshole) in her life, who made a funny crack about how his marriage to Susan might have lasted if he had gone into roofing (or if he hadn't cheated on her).

The funniest lines of the evening belonged to Tom as he teased Lynette for striking up an online romance with her son Porter (or is Preston? Or does it matter?) on the show's version of Facebook. Tom made a great Oedipal reference by telling Lynette he was afraid Porter would kill him and gouge his own eyes out if he found out the truth. Also, when Lynette was writing the breakup later, Tom's draft went along the lines of "I've decided to see other offspring."

Maybe it was just a nice change to see Lynette (not Tom) act like a fool for a change, but I enjoyed this storyline. To be perfectly honest, going online and pretending to be a love interest for my (non)existent kids is something I could potentially see myself doing (though I like to think I wouldn't be stupid enough to sign the breakup letter, "Love, Dad"), seeing as how teenagers hate speaking with their parents. Still, the scene at the end where Porter muttered under his breath that he also missed speaking with Lynette was a bit too cheesy.

Finally, we have Mrs. McCluskey (pictured, left) and the case of the missing feline. Toby the cat went mysteriously missing after new arrival Dave insisted that Mrs. M apologize to Edie for a remark she made about Edie's (ridiculous) breasts. As soon as we saw Dave eyeing the cat (Neal McDonough is FANTASTICALLY creepy), we KNEW something bad was going to happen.

Edie seems to suspect something is up with her husband, who insists they stay in Wisteria Lane. Meanwhile, Mrs. McCluskey is taking a more proactive approach, asking Katherine for help in researching Dave's past. To be honest, I'm very scared for Mrs. McCluskey's safety. She has no real ties to any other character on the show since Lynette's kids (except for the daughter we never see) don't need a babysitter anymore. Also, Kathryn Joosten has already won her (well-deserved) Emmy in this role, so she's had a good run, meaning I could see Dave taking her out and making it look like an accident.

So what'd you think of this episode? When will Katherine get something to do? (Maybe teaming up with Mrs. M.) Is Mrs. McCluskey a goner? Finally, what do you see happening first? Susan and Mike getting back together or Carlos getting his sight back?