The Fighter Review

“The Fighter” is really a working-class family drama thinly disguised as a sports movie.

In fact, other than the way director David O. Russell recreated the 1990’s HBO look for the fight scenes (a sneakily cool effect), the boxing aspects of “The Fighter” are arguably its weakest points. (The fights are rousing by nature, but there’s simply nothing special — one way or the other — about the way Russell stages them.)

Fortunately, that doesn’t come close to preventing “The Fighter” from being one of the better movies of the year.

“The Fighter” is ostensibly the story of “Irish” Micky Ward (Mark Wahlberg) a welterweight boxer from Lowell, Massachusetts looking to rejuvenate his career with help from the same family that continues to derail it. However, “The Fighter” turns out to be just as much about Micky’s older half brother Dicky Eklund (newly-minted Oscar nominee Christian Bale), a former boxer and current crack addict when we meet him in the movie.

It doesn’t take long to realize that “The Fighter” is really about each man’s attempts to pick themselves up and make something of their lives, and how they need each other to do so. Fortunately, they have plenty of additional support.

Oscar nominee Melissa Leo is excellent as Alice Ward, Micky’s mom and manager (mom-ager?) and Dicky’s #1 apologist. Leo manages to shine though some truly garish makeup and costumes, while also grounding Alice and making her believable. It makes complete sense to me that she would devote more time and resources to Dicky — even at the expense of Micky — simply because Dicky is the son that needs the most help.

As great as Leo is, I’m even a bigger fan of fellow Oscar nominee Amy Adams as Charlene, the tough, spirited woman who inspires Micky’s comeback. Adams “uglifies” herself for the role — which really means she looks like a normal person — and is convincingly grungy, especially for someone who has literally played a Disney princess.

My favorite part of her performance — besides inspiring my new favorite insult: “MTV Girl” — is that she’s not the typical wet blanket girlfriend we get in this type of movie. She’s not perfect and, like everyone else in the movie, she’s not thrilled with the way her life has turned out, but she’s 100% there to support her partner.

And that partner is played unassumingly well by Wahlberg. He obviously doesn’t have the showiest role in the movie, but Wahlberg has Micky walk around like his carrying around the weight of his family and his hometown’s expectations on his shoulders.

Of course, as you’ve probably heard, the movie belongs to Christian Bale.

The best way I can think to put it is that if it were possible for a human being to play a train wreck, than Christian Bale just nailed it. His Dicky Eklund is a human train wreck. The real kicker is that even as Dicky sabotages his life and the lives of those around him, he STILL manages to be unbelievably charismatic. It’s a wonder to watch Bale cut loose after playing the more understated role and ceding the spotlight to co-stars like Heath Ledger, Russell Crowe, Johnny Deep and Sam Worthington in recent years.

The cast is obviously the best thing about “The Fighter,” but they get a big-time assist from Russell. Just because I wasn’t a big fan of his staging of the boxing scenes doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the way allowed his actors to naturally and effortlessly relate to each other.

I’m also a big fan of the way he (like Ben Affleck with “The Town”) made a particular corner of Massachusetts a character in the movie. The main characters may be played by glamorous movie stars, but almost everyone else in the movie (the locals, the actresses who played Micky and Dicky’s sisters) looked like they wandered onto the set on their way to a bar. (Or, should I say, on their way to a “bah.”)

“The Fighter” works because it tells a timeless story of redemption and struggle, but it does so through a pretty specific prism. It also helps to have great actors working at the top of their games.

The Fighter…B+

American Idol: Music City Misery

I simply do not share Steven Tyler’s enthusiasm and opinion about the next “American Idol” coming from the Nashville auditions.

Of course, pretty much any episode was going to be letdown after Wednesday night’s emotional, controversial saga — which also happened to showcase some fantastic singing — but last night’s installment would’ve been boring if it had followed a test pattern. (On the bright side, I was able to get a lot of laundry folded!)

Whenever I feel like an episode of “American Idol” (or any other show I recap) wasted our time, I try to write shorter recaps because I don’t want to waste YOUR time. As a result, here are my scattered thoughts on Thursday night’s episode.


- The first tuneless audition of the night really set the awful tone for the evening. Everything about it was terrible. The sound of that dental assistant’s voice. The fact that she referred to “I Hope You Dance” as “I Hope You Can Dance.” Her face. Her comprehension skills. (Somehow Steven Tyler’s “No”, translated as a “Yes” for her.) Oh well, at least there’s a prospective voice-acting career on the horizon.

- In fact, the clown ratio was alarmingly high last night, especially when you consider this was only a one-hour edition.

Let’s just knock them all out in one miserable paragraph. Cheers to you likable tattoo guy who reminded me of a fat, short Undertaker, pageant girl in the blue dress (please stop singing even as you exit the audition room) and ?.

- Actually, I didn’t think ?’s voice was terrible.

- Lauren Alaina was a perfect microcosm for the judges overselling the Nashville auditions. The fact that she’s 15 years old and has such a strong voice is impressive (as was her take on “Like We Never Loved at All”, but I just wasn’t flipping for her as much as all the judges. That being said, it must’ve been super cool for her parents to have their daughter and Steven Tyler semi-duet on “their song,” “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing.”

- Even Lauren’s end-of-episode/manipulative sob story wasn’t up to par. Her COUSIN had a brain tumor. After last night, you gotta come stronger than that, “Idol”!

- Conversely, I didn’t think Miss Teen U.S.A. Stormi Henley (singing “Father Can You Hear Me”) was as egregiously bad as J. Lo made her out to be. I guess that just makes me a drooling, dopey guy like Steven and Randy.

- Also, I’m NOTHING like Randy Jackson!

- How about some of the people I DID like? Adrienne Beasley — the black farm girl from Kentucky with white adoptive parents — immediately stands out, but she’s also got the strong voice to back it up. (At least based on “American Honey.”) Plus, can’t you just see Adrienne’s parents sitting in the audience once the viewer-voting portion starts?

- I remember Jackie Wilson being really good, but unfortunately I was so distracted by the fact that the old guy was her boyfriend (and NOT her dad) that I completely forgot what she sang. All I know is that it was good. Also, ick.

- Matt Dillard (the overall-sporting guy who sang some Josh Groban) seems like a likable dude, but there’s a pretty great chance he’ll be swallowed up in Hollywood.

- My favorites of the evening were Rob Bolin (“What’s Going On”) and Chelsee Oaks (“The Story”). Predictably they were slightly better together, but still really good apart. (He’s like a better Lee DeWyze. She’s like a good Lacey Brown.) I’m already looking forward to that moment in the Hollywood round when the judges tell them there’s only room in the top 20 for one of them. Is there any way this doesn’t happen?

- Rob and Chelsee (pictured) have on-stage/musical chemistry that is off the charts. If I were New Boyfriend, I’d be worried.

So what’d you think of this (lackluster) episode? If I said the name “Stormi Henley” to you before last night, would you have thought “Miss Teen U.S.A. or porn star? Finally, did the next “American Idol” really just pop up on our TV in Nashville?

Jersey Shore: Punch. Drunks. Love

Just when I thought she was out, they pulled her back in.

Last night, the epic Ronnie- Sammi saga came to a head.

Again.

The difference was this time it actually looked like Sammi was going to leave the “Jersey Shore” house after her latest, most physical blowout with Ronnie.

(My working theory on why Sammi REALLY wound up staying in Seaside: Sammi called her mom to come get her, but even Mrs. “Sweetheart” didn’t want to deal with her, so Sammi figured she’d stay put.)

Apparently that giant house with the dinky rooms in Seaside Heights has a powerful allure because earlier in the episode we’d heard J-Woww describe it as her true home (following the Tom fiasco) and her fellow cast mates as her family. Fortunately for her, she eventually found her way “home” after momentarily locking herself in the house she shared with Tom.

But even I’m tired of picking on Sammi, especially when you consider the major source of her paranoia (besides alcohol) is Ronnie shattering her sense of trust in Miami.

It all started with Ronnie asking a girl to get crunk in the club. Sammi predictably called him out on it, but Ronnie said the girl was someone named Mike’s girlfriend, who had a baby. He even offered to have her show Sammi her C-section! (Thankfully, Sammi passed.)

Back at the house, the two started fighting in the bedroom (Sammi’s natural habitat), before Ronnie finally exploded with frustration at Sammi’s paranoia. Sammi had a peace offering, but everyone knows that if you want to make up with Ronnie, you don’t bring him a slice of pizza…you bring him a protein shake! That led to more yelling and fighting and Ronnie telling Sammi that she’d have to write him an entire book of apologies. (Pauly’s face during the profanity-laced tirade was priceless.)

J-Woww tried to console Ronnie, which is interesting given all the horrible things Ronnie has said to her face and about her in confessionals. That’s when Ronnie finally broke down, and all the Xenadrine in the world couldn’t stop the cascade of tears. J-Woww related to him by telling him that they both had guilt over their dealings with Sammi, but she reassured him that he’s a good guy. (Me: “He is?!”)

As things were calming down, The Instigation/The Situation informed Sammi that Ronnie was outside talking to J-Woww, and we finally found out what could possibly compel Sammi to get out of bed. She basically flipped out on Ronnie for talking to her sworn enemy, announced was leaving and punched him in the face. Hard. (Even more solid contact than she landed on J-Woww earlier this year.)

What came next was curious. The rest of the cast mates pleaded for Sammi to stay. Why? Everyone else in the house can obviously see how toxic the Sammi-Ronnie dynamic is and, despite Sammi making amends recently, she isn’t exactly on great terms with anyone there. Unlike Angelina, I think they can see that Sammi is a truly messed up and confused girl right now, and they didn’t want to abandon her on that note. (Last week, I talked about the unavoidable kinship these people must have with each other.)

In the end, Sammi apologized to Ronnie and agreed to stay…as The Situation creepily looked on from the next bed over. (I’m surprised he wasn’t eating a sandwich.) Even though the couple has made up for now, and even though Sammi and J-Woww reached a tentative cease-fire agreement, I still can’t help but feel like she should’ve left. Where do Sammi and Ronnie go from here? They either get back together (ugh!) or Ronnie goes back to being single while Sammi glares and pouts (double ugh!)

Those weren’t the only questions surrounding last night’s episode. The biggest mystery was probably, what the hell were Deena and The Situation talking about toward the end of the episode? Apparently, Dean the Ronnie clone had let slip that Deena was into [bleeping] his [bleep]. As soon as it was clear they didn’t mean the obvious [bleeping] his [bleep] the whole thing devolved into an elaborate and perverted guessing game for the viewers at home. (I think this whole sequence was purposefully made to be confusing. Seriously, we re-wound the scene at the gym three times to try to figure out what the hell they were saying.)

Thank goodness for those asterisks that revealed that Dean had allegedly told people that Deena wanted to l*** his a******. (Please don’t make me explain it further.)

Other than that, the episode offered the same revelry we’ve come to expect. Grenades were dodged. (And the grenade horn made its debut.) Birthday girl Ryder visited to hang out with Snooki, but wound up mostly partying with Snooki 2.0 (Deena). Vinny once again proved to be “the Smart One”…but not really. (He may not know the Montagues, but does anyone else in that house know who the Capulets are. Bonus points for the Bjork swan dress reference.)

So what’d you think of this episode? What was the best addition to the house — J-Woww’s dogs “Snooki” and “Ryder” or the wobbly stripper pole? (Wobbly stripper pole, for the win!) Am I the only one who didn’t think the “grenade” who inspired the “grenade horn” wasn’t that bad looking? Who goes to the club with her uncle? Finally, will Sammi make it to the end of the season?

American Idol: Hungry Like DeWolf

Guest judge Katy Perry famously smacked Kara DioGuardi down during last year’s audition rounds when Kara was blathering about a contestant’s sob story by reminding her that, “This isn’t a Lifetime movie, sweetheart.”

(I also remember that as the exact moment that I started thinking that Katy Perry was kinda cool.)

Well, if “American Idol” was actually “Backstory Idol”, then Chris Medina just won.

I’m not here to tell you how you should feel about a contestant on a reality singing competition offering up his life with his brain injury-addled fiancée for consumption by the entire country. Maybe you think it’s sweet that this guy — who is obviously fiercely loyal and has an unlimited amount of love for his partner — chose to share this experience with her. Maybe you think it was a way for a marginally-talented singer to get noticed by TV producers.

All I know is that I couldn’t help but tear up, especially when Steven “Don’t Call Me ‘Steve’” Tyler knelt over Juliana’s wheelchair, warmly embraced her and said, “He sings so well because he sings for you.”

I’d probably feel a lot less guilty (and a lot less manipulated) about tearing up if the producers hadn’t unofficially made the last 10 minutes of every “Idol” episode so far this year the Sob Story Slot, but it is what it is. (You could tell they saved it for last because the judges were CLEARLY wearing their clothes from the first day of auditions.) As for Chris’ actual singing: his version of The Script’s “Breakeven” was competent, but unspectacular. If he makes it to the viewer voting rounds, he has some work to do to change the perception that people would vote for his story instead of his voice. (All this, with Danny Gokey in da house!)

All that aside, this was the second consecutive incredibly solid episode of “Idol”, in terms of potential superstars. (This was also the second consecutive OUSTANDING episode for Steven Tyler, who began by attempting to jam out with Randy to “Sweet Emotion”, added a dramatic hair flip to the camera, and mixed in some random wails. Basically, I’m loving how much he’s loving being on this show!)

We have to start with Harvard graduate/White House intern/Randy Jackson face-punch victim (loved the sound effect) Molly DeWolf Swenson (pictured, right), who probably also fights crime at night. The Joely Richardon lookalike's version of “(Sittin’ on) The Dock of the Bay” started out so low, it was INSANE. In fact, let’s go to special correspondent Erica (reporting from the couch next to me) for her take. “It was one of the best auditions I’ve ever seen on this show.” (Well, then.) Really, her only flaw is that she may be perceived as too perfect and may not get enough viewer support. (“She works at the White House, she doesn’t NEED this!” — the last time I heard people say, “She doesn’t need this”, we would up with Lee DeWyze as our “American Idol.” Just sayin’.)

Speaking of singing low, there’s no denying that 16-going-on-32-year-old Scotty McCreery has top 12 potential and an early lock on the country singer slot. He seems likable, confident and assured. I just worry about what he’s going to do during the inevitable Beetles Week. (Among other non-country themes.)

Those two are the obvious ones. I’d also keep my eye on Summerfest worker/Summerfest stage piner Naima Adedapo, who really is striking looking and had a quietly excellent audition with her version of Donny Hathaway’s “For All We Know.” And although I didn’t flip for him nearly as much as J.Lo (the best she’d heard so far), I’d be surprised if we’ve heard the last of Scott Dangerfield, who’s got that dorky-yet-completely cool vibe totally down. He was similarly confident and assured during his rendition of “Dreamin’”

Other than that, the most significant moment of the episode was that one time I 100% agreed with a Randy Jackson critique. I think he was absolutely right to say that 15-year-old Emma Henry (with her textured, ultra-shaky version of “True Colors”) was simply not ready for this show yet, and would probably get swallowed up. Of course, he lost me at the part where he gave in once Emma started crying, but we were totally in synch for half a minute.

Fortunately, all 15 year olds are not created equal. This was proven by Thia Megia who rocked her audition with a strong version of “Chasing Pavements.” I just worry about her potentially being derivative. (Will she be as good or interesting when she’s not mimicking Adele?) I have a similar concern for rocker girl Alyson Jados, who squeaked through after banging out versions of “Come Together” and “Dream On” straight out of the Rocker Grrrl playbook. Then again, maybe Alyson will sound better when she’s not trembling from the excitement of meeting her idol Steven Tyler.

Still, as much as I’m (mostly) enjoying the new judging panel, I don’t always agree with them. For example, I think bat mitzvah/wedding singer Jerome Bell sang very well (and has star quality), but I also think he needed to dial it WAAAAY down during his rendition of “Let’s Get It On.” (Meanwhile, the judges seemed to actually love that it was all over the place.) Also, I didn’t get the Tiwan Strong thing at all. His “Twistin’ the Night Away” was competent at best, but didn’t show me why he’d be a relevant artist in 2011. Plus, it’s not good to be completely overshadowed by a relative with a charley horse. Finally, I think the judges were more impressed by how surprisingly good accountant Steve “Big Goon” Beghun was, than they would have been if he didn’t look like a giant dork. (Then again, I actually kinda like this guy.)

Overall, the episode gave us two hours of mostly solid singing with giant toothbrushes, Civil War re-enactors, operatic Justin Bieber fans, and clueless DJs sprinkled in.

So what’d you think of this episode? Does “Idol” have a bias against non-size 0 women, as Vernika Patterson claimed? Would it be too mean of me to suggest that Vernika take a look at a picture of Jordin Sparks or Fantasia (or a recent picture of Kelly Clarkson) as an argument against that? Could anyone else pull off a treble clef shirt? (Did J.Lo even pull off a treble clef shirt?) Finally, where do you stand on the Chris Medina issue?

NFL 2011 Conference Championship Picks

Yikes!

My last week (1-3 week, 4-4 playoffs) of picks was almost as big a catastrophe as the Ravens’ second half against the Steelers. (I said ALMOST because nothing is worse than the Ravens’ second half against the Steelers!)

I’m not even that bummed out that I was spectacularly wrong in predicting a Patriots blowout win against the Jets. First off, I was actually rooting for the Jets. Secondly, even Jets fans — if they’re being honest with themselves (ha!) — didn’t really think they’d win last week. So it’s been amusing watching them pretend that they knew they’d beat the Pats all along. (Silly Jets fans!)

As far as the Packers/Falcons…there’s no excuse for that one. Green Bay just smoked Atlanta.

Anyway, we’ve got two great games coming up this weekend, so let’s jump in.

GREEN BAY @ CHICAGO
The focus on this matchup has understandably been on how Aaron Rodgers — who actually burst into flames at one point during last week’s game— is going to fare against the Chicago Bears vaunted defense. (“Vaunted” is one of those words we never use in conversations outside of sports, isn’t it?)

I actually think the Bears defense will play as well as they did during Rodgers in the regular season, which is to say they kept him from going off. That means the key matchup will be the Packers underrated defense (and I only say “underrated” because Rodgers gets so much attention) against Jay Cutler and the Bears offense. I think they have the potential to force multiple turnovers.

On the other hand, I expect the Packers to cut WAY down on the mistakes (especially the penalties) that plagued them during their regular season loss in Chicago and advance to the Super Bowl.

N.Y. JETS @ PITTSBURGH
Ok, so I (along with pretty much every other NFL analyst, including people who are actually credible) had the Jets losing last week. But bear with me, and I’ll tell you why they’ll lose this week.

We all know about their gutty regular season win in Pittsburgh. You also probably know that Steelers safety Troy Polamalu (pictured, left) didn’t play in that game. With all due respect to Ben Roethlisberger, Troy Polamalu is Pittsburgh’s best player. Besides, even without Polamalu, the Jets only managed one offensive touchdown against Pittsburgh (that pretty Mark Sanchez bootleg). Things will not get easier with the Mighty Head and Shoulders spokesman back in the lineup.

What I’m trying to say is that, even though their wins on the road against the Colts and the Patriots were impressive, the Jets haven’t faced anything like the Pittsburgh defense in the playoffs.

What about the other side of the ball? The biggest reason Tom Brady and Patriots offense struggled wasn’t because of excellent pressure (despite all the sacks we saw)…it was because of excellent coverage downfield. Brady actually had plenty of time to throw; he just had nowhere to go. Brady (and Manning) are unwilling to run when no one’s open. That wont’ be a problem for Roethlisberger, who actually seems to play better when the pocket collapses and is a lot harder to bring down than those other two quarterbacks.

Despite the fact that I’m making this sound like it’s going to be a blowout, the Jets have obviously shown excellent resilience and shouldn’t be counted out. Still, I’m thinking that it’s going to be Pittsburgh taking on the Pack in the Super Bowl.

American Idol: The Big Easy

The first episode of “American Idol” with Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez established that (for better or worse) this was going to be a kindler, gentler judges’ panel.

Unfortunately, the shockingly low amount of quality singers in New Jersey with the true potential to be the next “American Idol” that advanced to the Hollywood round made them look like even bigger softies than they already are.

Fortunately, the second audition episode in New Orleans delivered more budding “Idols” in one hour, than Jersey gave us in two. (This, despite filler segments heavy on footage featuring swamps, riverboats and, um, swamps.)

Even the bad auditions/clowns were mostly and mercifully confined to mere montages of atrociousness. The only true failure I can really remember is the Mick Jagger lookalike with the pillow lips who actually didn’t even sound that bad. (His main problem was that he was completely ridiculous.)

Also, like the first episode, the hour ended with a sob story in the form of Paris Tassin. Paris enjoys singing to her adorable daughter Keira, who has to wear a hearing aid. I thought her version of “Temporary Home” was actually pretty rough at parts (especially in the beginning). The biggest thing in her favor was that she connected with her song more than anyone else I’ve seen this season. If she can continue to do that, she might be ok. (Obviously, a singer doesn’t have to be technically perfect to be an effective artist.)

Still, arguably the best part of this segment was when J.Lo stopped by to say hi to Baby Keira after Paris had advanced to Hollywood. That coat La Lopez was wearing was the hotness!

I’d put Jacquelyn Dupree a not below Paris for her competent, tepid rendition of “I’ll Stand By You”, which I immediately forgot as soon as she started singing. But hey, her uncle was Randy Jackson’s football coach, so by all means, “Welcome to Hollywood!”

As for the following five singers: I honestly see top 20/12/10 whatever potential with each of them.

I can easily see people rallying behind the well-conditioned Brett Lowenstern, the teenage “outcast” who delighted the judges with his clear, lovely rendition of “Bohemian Rhapsody.” When a male singer has a high, girly, lilting singing voice, they don’t usually also have a high, girly, lilting singing voice too, so that was interesting. I can just as easily see him collapsing under the pressure in Hollywood, as I can see America rallying behind him.

I have a harder time imagining America rallying behind beefcake Jovany Barreto, who absolutely had me in his corner after a fantastic rendition of a Luis Miguel tune, but he absolutely lost me when he accepted his friends’ dare and took off his shirt in front of the judges. Come on, Jovanny. You’re not Bikini Girl! You’ve actually got the goods. (No, not THOSE goods!) You don’t NEED to disrobe to get attention. Most alarmingly, your display led to Steven Tyler and Randy Jackson flashing us as well. (Ugh to Randy Jackson’s lower stomach.) I also thought it was kind of interesting that Jovanny was obsessed with Jennifer Lopez….’s husband Marc Anthony.

Then again, I can see Jovany being the token Hispanic singer who gets eliminated during the first week that America votes.

Meanwhile, the most memorable thing about 28-year-old Sarah Sellers may be that she could potentially be Steven Tyler’s lovechild, but I wouldn’t sleep on her. I thought her fantastic version of Bob Dylan’s “Make You Feel My Love” was confident and soulful in a way we haven’t seen with so many teenagers getting so much screen time. In fact, Steven/dad(?) told her that she was through to Hollywood the moment she laid eyes on him (huh?), but recovered by saying, “Mostly, I like your voice.” (Well then.)

I also thought Jordan Dorsey, piano and vocal teacher, definitely radiated star power during his version of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”, even before he decided to “change it up.” Not bad for the first singer in last night’s episode. I thought he was cool and confident, but I can see him being perceived as cocky, so that’s something to keep an eye on.

Finally, there’s Jacee Badeaux (pictured, right), one of those darn kids I was talking about a few paragraphs ago. Of course, you could bring on as many teenagers as you want if they’re going to deliver performances as delightful, assured and tuneful as his take on “(Sittin’ on) The Dock of the Bay.” (I probably could’ve done without him pointing at his watch as he sang, “…Wasting time.”) I can absolutely see America rallying behind him and pushing him to the top 12.

In fact, he was so good that I felt absolutely horrible for making the joke in my head about how he looks and sounds like he ate Justin Bieber. Thank goodness I didn’t say that out loud.

(No need for stinging comments…I’m well aware that I’m a horrible person.)

So what’d you think of this episode? Who’d win a middle-aged rocker shirt off-off — Steven Tyler or Brett Michaels? Did you see any potential “Idols” in New Orleans? Finally, is this “American Idol Camp” we heard about last night just taking people’s money?

Jersey Shore: Roger That!

For the second week in a row, “Jersey Shore” pulled a slight bait and switch on us. (How tricky of you, “Jersey Shore”!)

Last week’s episode probably should’ve been about Sammi finally declaring a cease fire on Snooki, Deena and the rest of the house/world…except for J-Woww. Instead, it ended up being the Snooki Happy Drunky Fall-Down Hour.

This week’s episode looked like it was going to be “Intervention: Jersey Shore” with Snooki coming out of jail and vowing to stop drinking after her father ripped her a new one and threatened to take her home.

Not only did Mr. Polizzi not follow through on his threat (was anyone else curious to see how tall he was?), and not only did Snooki — in a shocking twist! — already start finding ways to break her vow (if Pinot is good enough for pregnant women, it’s good enough for Snooki), but the episode actually ended up being all about J-Woww.

More specifically, the episode focused on her inevitable breakup with Whiny Tom (his official name) and her reconciliation with Roger (That), who quickly endeared himself to the rest of the cast by bringing juiceheads for Deena (who was underwhelmed) and Snooki (who was so whelmed she s--- her pants.)

To be fair, it’s completely possible that Tom has gotten a bad rap on the show. I tried to call him this morning to get his take on things, but he started bitching about why I didn’t call him last night, so I hung up on him. Then I remembered that he’s not a member of the cast, so I don’t really care whether he’s getting a bad rap or not.

After calling Snooki’s dad following her arrest (hopefully, she’s washed all the sand out of her inner-boob), J-Woww tried to call Tom for some comfort, but once Tom found out that Snooki had been arrested “today”, he started wondering why J-Woww didn’t call him last nig…whoops, we just hung up on him. He tried to call back, but J-Woww was having none of it.

Later in the episode, he tried to re-endear himself by calling and asking if his girlfriend was there or if he was talking to bitch with the bad attitude (oh Tom). Unbeknownst to Tom, the worse he acted, the better Roger looked in J-Woww’s eyes, especially since turned out that he did NOT have a girlfriend after all (probably) and that J-Woww’s friend confused him with someone else in the previous episode. My favorite part about the scene where J-Woww broke up with Tom over the phone was that the rest of the cast started off by making jokes (“Roger that!”), but by the time J-Woww hung up and walked away crying, they’d stopped in order to support and comfort their friend. I was also impressed by a scene earlier where Pauly D (who is fantastic and my favorite character, but rarely gets very deep) told J-Woww that she seemed happier with Roger when she asked for his advice.

Whether all of this show or some of this show is scripted, and whether or not these people actually get along with each other, they’re all in this crazy, tequila-soaked ride together!

J-Woww would need that support later on when she rushed home because Tom (Vick?) had apparently left her dogs to fend for themselves in the house they shared. On top of that, he may have stolen her treasured watch, a hard drive (possibly containing those compromising photos that were in the news a few months back) and…something to do with Pay Pal.

One person not offering his support was Ronnie, who tried and failed to make the “pot calling the kettle black” analogy with him and J-Woww in regards to their infidelity. So if you’re scoring at home, Ronnie is actually equating J-Woww sitting in a club and having a conversation/dancing with her ex-boyfriend (which is all she’d done up to that point) to his triple kisses and assorted debauchery in Miami while stringing Sammi along.

If only we could replace Ronnie without anyone noticing. Turns out Vinny and Pauly had the same idea when they spotted wingwoman Deena dancing with Ronnie’s stunt double/evil twin named Dean. (Dean and Deena, Snooki/Nicole and Nick…what was going on last night?!)

Obviously, they had no choice but to bring “Ronnie” home (he was already going to go in the hot tub with Deena) and try to slip him into bed with Sammi to see if she would notice. Twist! It turns out Ronnie knows “Ronnie”, and “Ronnie” also has a girlfriend named “Sam.” That didn’t stop “Ronnie” from claiming he was single and cuddling with Deena all night long.

This led to the funniest part of the episode (besides Pauly saying to Snooki, “I just hope prison time didn’t change you): Vinny and Pauly started riffing on last year’s anonymous letter fiasco by threatening to write one to “Sam” and letting her know about “Ronnie’s” tryst with Deena. The best part was their suggested use of a thesaurus and their idea to use 10-dollar words like “in lieu of…” Ultimately, they decided it’d be a violation of girl code.

So what’d you think of this episode? I know they work at a T-shirt shop, but wasn’t J-Woww ready with that “Free Snooki” shirt a little too quickly? (Or maybe she had it made during season 1 for when Snooki inevitably got arrested for public intoxication.) If you were voicing J-Woww's boobs, what would you make them sound like? What was The Situation up to in this episode? (Dancing with the "Stars", perhaps?) When is Danny the Boss going to hang out with the crew? (Oh wait, he’s the one person this show who acts like an adult, so never!) Finally, is being in jail more of a phenomenon or a train wreck?

American Idol: New Jersey, New Judges

It’s great to see some things never change.

The buzz surrounding the 10th season of “American Idol” (which premiered last night) has understandably focused on what’s going to be different this time around. Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez in, Simon Cowell, Ellen DeGeneres and Kara “Hey, Remember Me?!” DioGuardi out!

There are also changes to the show’s format in later rounds, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. Having only seen one episode of the new season, I want to focus in on the judges’ panel. I was surprised to find one inescapable constant:

Randy Jackson is still an absolutely terrible and thoroughly useless presence on this show. I’d read quotes from him about how “The Dawg” was going to step up this season. Nope, still as irrelevant always. (But noticeably thinner.)

Like I said; some things never change.

As for the newbies — I was surprised by both Tyler and J.Lo. I’m still trying to figure out if I was surprised in a good way.

A lot of the talk coming into the season centered around who was going to be the new “Simon”, that is to say who was going to be the “mean one”, which really meant, “Who was going to be the person on the judges’ table who was going to give voice to the same snarky criticism we were firing off from our couch?” In fact, Simon looked so bored these last couple of years that even he didn’t really want to work up the energy to be “the mean one.”

I didn’t think either of the new judges were up to that task, and I was right! It turns out they’re both kind of…Paula! J.Lo has the pop star/questionable singer credentials and the niceness-to-a-fault quality, while Steven Tyler has the batshit crazy quality from Paula’s best/worst days.

Tyler, especially, was entertaining to watch whether he was harmonizing or wailing along with a contestant’s audition or borderline creepily hitting on 15 and 16 year olds. J.Lo was a kind, stabilizing force and radiated an undeniable star power from the judges’ table. So far, this judging gig actually looks good on her.

But enough about the judges. One of the show’s biggest problems in recent years is that it was too often about the judges.

Let’s talk about the contestants, but forgive me if I keep it brief because the ones we saw at the New Jersey audition was an underwhelming bunch. We’ll just say they were lucky that they caught a couple of new judges who weren’t used to the idea of being cruel, because some of the people we saw receive golden tickets did NOT deserve them.

I’m thinking of the very first singer we saw last night (after about 10 minutes of previews for the upcoming season…not that it was annoying).

Apparently, Rachel Zevita auditioned in season 6 and made it to Hollywood (before being cut the first day there) on the “strength” of her operatic stylings. Personally, I would’ve cut her this year as soon as she started singing “Hallelujah” (if there’s a more played out song on this show, by all means…), but the judges should’ve cut her because her audition was simply not good enough. The judges said they wanted to see more, but unfortunately, Rachel has “cut on the first day of Hollywood Week” written all over her again. Speaking of songs that need to be retired, I’d also like to nominate Alicia Keys’ “If I Ain’t Got You”, sung by Melinda Ademi. The only problem was that the only thing I remembered about her performance was…that her parents were refugees from Kosovo.

I’m also thinking 16 3/4-year-old Victoria Huggins, who sang an unremarkable version of “Midnight Train to Georgia”, has an annoying voice and generally looks and acts like Vanessa Bayer’s impression of Miley Cyrus on “Saturday Night Live.” (Ok, so I enjoyed her version of the “American Idol” theme music.) Still, she related to Randy by saying “Yo, yo dawg” so let’s give her a golden ticket.

Then there’s Star-boobs (a distant relative of Starburns from “Community”), aka Tiffany Rios. As a connoisseur of both “Idol” and “Jersey Shore”, I’d like to keep those two worlds separate. (In fact, “Jersey Shore” should probably be separate from everything else, just to be safe.) The most painful thing about this segment was that Tiffany could actually sing a little bit. The ridiculousness was unnecessary. (I mean the additional ridiculousness — she struck me as a fairly ridiculous person either way.) The worst offender was Ashley Sullivan, who taught us all that to get ahead in life you should cry, beg and act desperate to get what you want out of life. (Or, at least, a trip to Hollywood.)

After that, you had your solid middle of the road-type talent. Robbie Rosen, 16, spent part of his childhood in a wheelchair due to hip synovitis, and delivered a decent rendition of “Yesterday.” I’d love to tell you more, but the only thing I remember is his giant nose. (I already know I’m a horrible person, thankyouverymuch!) In a similarly shallow vein, the thing I remember most about Caleb Howley despite a fun, lively audition, was his bright eyes (“turn around”?) and how he’s the most likely to get a Hollywood (Week) makeover

Meanwhile, 15-year-old Kenzie Palmer (the first contestant to inadvertently set off the Perv Detector at my viewing party) was very solid, but I saw what Steven was saying about her lacking pizzazz. Kenzie ended up being one of the stronger singers of the night, along with Brielle Von Hugel, whose strong version of “Endless Love” was mostly overshadowed by the story of her father surviving throat cancer.

Not surprisingly, the show saved its obliquely-anointed star of the evening for last with Travis Orlando’s audition. The kid (whose family has hit hard times recently) delivered with delightful versions of “Eleanor Rigby” and “I’m Yours.” I can see why they saved him for last because he’s good, but I don’t think he’s anything mind-blowing. Still, he stood head and shoulders above almost everyone else last night. In fact, his main problem may be that we already have a Bruno Mars, so we don’t really need another one.

This thing is getting long (that’s what she said), so why don’t we just squeeze the clowns into one paragraph?

Chris Cordeiro’s tragic bangs/straw fedora combo was truly unfortunate. (Also, his mom sounded better on “My Way.”) Why would Michael Perotto think that his constant burping would endear him to anyone? (Or his version of “Proud Mary?”) Ivory Coast native Achille Lovle is having her money stolen by her “vocal coach.” Finally, Yoji “Pop” Asano’s Michael Jackson/”Party in the U.S.A.” shtick was too contrived to be enjoyable for me.

So why’d you think of this episode? Why did Tiffany Rios pair her Star-boobs with a pair of gray work pants? Do you like that the show reduced the age minimum to 15? (For me, it mostly led to uncomfortable situation where I would check out a contestant before realizing, to my horror, that she could be a freshman in high school.) Why is “Broadway” passive aggressively considered a tier below “American Idol.” (You’re not good enough/what we’re looking for, but I hear Broadway’s hiring down the street.)

Finally, was there anything better than Steven going in for a high five, and Randy going in for a first bump, resulting in a “paper covers rock” moment. (Big ups to the editors for leaving that in!)

Desperate Housewives: Frank Talk

I missed last Sunday’s episode of “Desperate Housewives” partly because of the Golden Globes, and mostly because of a “Rock Band” marathon with friends.

Since everything that needs to be said about this episode has already been said (assuming people still actually talk about this show), here are my quick hit thoughts:

- Not a great last few months for Eva Longoria (not Parker). First her husband (allegedly) cheats on her with a teammate’s less-attractive wife (among others), and now she has to pretend like she’s obsessed with a doll on her day job.

Fortunately, the show is acknowledging the ridiculousness of this storyline by having Mrs. McCluskey point out to Carlos that Gabby is cuckoo. Unfortunately, I still fully expect the emotional/ludicrous carjacking scene from the end of the episode to be the Clip of the Week on “The Soup.”

- Ok, I’ll admit it. I laughed out loud when I saw that doll in a car seat.

- Anyone else disappointed Mrs. McCluskey didn’t actually follow through and attend that tea party with Gabby and Princess Valerie before talking to Carlos. Also, $800 for a doll?!

- I feel like Gregory Itzin (the great Charles Logan on “24”) was both overqualified and misused on this show. His crotchety Dick blew Teri Hatcher’s Susan off the screen and, like his character, he was generally a downer. (Seeing his face light up when he thought he was getting a kidney was good work.)

- In a related story, this show officially has absolutely no idea what to do with Teri Hatcher.

- I’ve been wondering if Brian Austin Green was going to be part of this show for the long run. We got a resounding “Hell no!” last night, after former girlfriend Amber showed up with the news that Keith has a six-year-old son he doesn’t know about.

Whether it turns out to be Keith’s son or not (and we have no reason to believe it isn’t) is beside the point. What matters is that Bree decided to keep his son’s existence a secret out of fear of losing him. When (not if) Keith finds out, it’s going to be over. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. Sorta.

- The show has been playing up this “Who Shot Paul Young?” angle, so who better to bring on as a guest star than Larry Hagman (pictured, left), the center of the iconic “Who Shot J.R.?” mystery which inspired the lesser, current storyline.

I’ll be damned if I didn’t laugh at Frank, his racist/inappropriate character, who Lynette’s mom Stella (Polly Bergen) was marrying for companionship after claiming she just wanted his money.

- I recent that remark about real men not eating salads. How dare you, sir?!

- The fact that Renee has been longing for a daughter all these years came out of nowhere (I guess she was pining for that when she wasn’t busy pining for Tom), but at least it gave Vanessa Williams her own storyline independent from the rest of the main cast.

Plus, she got two great moments when she told Bob and Lee that if their daughter ever called her “Old Auntie Renee” she would kick her, and when she made a kid riding on the sidewalk fall down just by glaring and putting up her hand after bragging about her maternal side.

- Ok, so we know that Paul knows that his wife Beth is Felicia’s daughter. Was his plan REALLY going to be to just take her out to a remote cabin and kill her? Really, Paul? You’re going to kill your wife WHILE the police are snooping around trying to figure out who shot you? You don’t think it’d be a little suspicious if your wife turned up dead. Come on, Paul! You’re better than that.

Thankfully, it looks like Paul recognized the gun the police showed him (that Beth found in Bree’s house) as the one that Mary Alice used to kill herself and was presumably in the possession of his son, Zach Young.

So what’d you think of this episode? Where exactly is this allegedly sketchy part of town that we haven’t really seen before? (I’m guessing Amber’s motel wasn’t too far from there.) Will Gabby see Princess Valerie again? (Will he ask for ransom?) Finally, so, um…what happened to the halfway house on the block?

Jersey Shore: Drunk and Disorderly (Well, More Than Usual)

I missed last Thursday’s episode of “Jersey Shore: Everybody Hates Sammi (and Ron, But Not As Much)” because I went to see “The Fighter.” (My review is coming…sometime.)

However, with a new episode airing Monday night to help launch MTV’s version of “Skins”, I was able to get all caught up with a double dose of Jersey shenanigans. (You know what my favorite part of the “Skins” premiere was? NOT HAVING TO WATCH THOSE G-DAMN COMMERCIALS ANYMORE!!!)

There’s really no need to re-visit last Thursday’s episode because the Sammi/J-Woww fight was broken up fairly quickly, and the rest was almost entirely devoted to the “Ronnie and Sammi Magical Misery Tour” (featuring a giant banana, and The Situation getting shut out of a hookup between Vinny and some random chick they brought home). The editors also worked overtime in making Sammi look pathetic by emphasizing the way she followed him around the gym and the boardwalk while everyone else was having fun in the amusement park. (Not that Sammi needed help to look pathetic.)

Anyway, watching those events made Sammi’s LOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG overdue mea culpa to Snooki (and short overdue heart-to-heart with Deena) all the more outstanding. It came after another blow-up with Ronnie in which she asked him to lay his skeletons out on the proverbial table. Ronnie (he of the little girl giggle/dolphin on steroid laughs) kept responding that he hadn’t done anything wrong (recently), which is true. Eventually, he got frustrated and stormed off. Or, in Ronnie’s immortal words, “I need a mind-condom because I’m getting mind-f---ed!” (Couldn’t have put it better myself!)

Anyway, did you read that last paragraph? Sammi acted like an adult and owned up to her mistakes in Miami and the better part of this season. This is HUGE! I don’t even care if Sammi was genuinely sorry or if one of the show’s uncredited writers nudged her toward this apology. I’m just glad it happened, so we could move away from this miserable couple isolating themselves from anyone else. Still, they cruelly teased a reunion at the end, when they acknowledged that they have “a chemistry no one understands” (not even Alfred Nobel) and might wind up together. Ugh.

The reason Sammi’s historic, game-changing epiphany was overshadowed was because of how drunk Snooki (and Deena) was the entire episode. Then again, Ronnie and Sammi’s stank attitude had infected the rest of the cast and discouraged them from getting drunk, having a good time, falling off stages, peeing behind bars, etc. So it makes sense that Sammi made up with the girls (except a frosty J-Woww) and everyone else cut loose(r than usual) in the same episode.

From the beginning, Snooki was drunk, horny and hilariously toting around a two-liter Hawaiian Punch. She tried for the 30th time this season to hook up with Vinny (“I want Seabiscuit”), who turned her down for the 30th time because he cares about her, according to J-Woww. Snooki responded, “Well stop caring and f--- me, man!” (If that doesn’t show up on a T-shirt within the next week, I’d be shocked.) I have my own theory: Vinny isn’t rejecting Snooki to spare her feelings (not that he doesn’t care for her), he’s rejecting her because he, um, DOESN’T WANT TO SLEEP WITH HER…and doesn’t want to look like a douche on camera. Too late! You’re on “Jersey Shore”!

(Even Pauly D, almost universally acknowledged as the most likable cast member, was not immune to having a drink dumped on him by a girl who was “stalking his life.” Oh well, he made up for it with his hilarious impression of a customer asking him for advice at the T-shirt shop, complaining about having to work there, and capping it by saying, “I’m a DJ!”)

After that, Snooki and Deena proposed a threesome to The Situation, who accepted because if you’re a man, you don’t turn down a threesome with two girls…no matter how little you’re into either of them. Once the lights went down, Snooki slipped away leaving The Situation and Deena in what he dubbed a “Deesome.” Not cool ladies. Things got so bad that he actually had to kiss Deena to keep her from talking. Oh, poor guy!

Even before the all-day bender that apparently got her temporarily tossed in jail, Snooki was in rare form last night. She went to the gym with Pauly (who may or may not be black) and worked out on a stair contraption with no underwear. (They must’ve all been in the laundry.) She also abused tanning lotion, which led her to put her itchy ass in (what else) a mini-fridge. I just hope she didn’t actually poop in there.

Still, it was the gang’s latest outing to the club that really did them in. Snooki didn’t have the good sense to get tossed for drunken behavior in under 10 minutes like Deena did, so when she woke up the next morning, she was NOT fit for work. She kept trying to go in the bathroom to sneak a beer. When Boss Danny kept busting her, she went to get a “coffee”, she made a beeline for a bar where she convinced an older couple to take shots off each other.

Suddenly, she became overcome with the urge to find the beach. Luckily, a helpful gentleman showed her the way: “It’s right there,” he said, pointing his thumb over his shoulder. “Where else would it be?”

J-Woww, Deena and some guy in a green T-shirt who must’ve been part of the production staff gave chase, but Snooki was not to be denied. She wandered into the water carrying a purse. She fell face first on the sand. As more and more onlookers gathered, the cops eventually came to escort her away, and put her in handcuffs when she started mouthing off. Snooki, now just Ronnie in the ranks of “Jersey Shore” cast members being arrested on camera.

So what’d you think of this episode? Will you watch the inevitable, “Snooki: Sex Therapist”? Is that woman who ratted out Roger to J-Woww a professional cock-blocker? Why is J-Woww’s boyfriend such a girl? How would you defrost a bunch of stuck-together turkey burgers? Finally, “turkey burgers”? Eww!

NFL 2011 Divisional Round Picks

Last week (3-1 for the playoffs), the only pick I missed was the one game that everybody — outside of Seattle — got wrong.

So I actually feel pretty good looking ahead to this weekend’s divisional round action. Let’s jump right in with both feet, shall we? (Sorry, the spirit of Wes Welker took over this column for a second.)

BALTIMORE @ PITTSBURGH
We all know both of these teams are pretty great (especially the Ravens…just ask them, they’ll tell you) and evenly-matched. Each squad won on the other’s home field this year (though the Ravens’ win came while Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger was serving his four-game suspension).

So why do I like the Ravens? I think they have the potential to absolutely tear apart Pittsburgh’s patchwork (but improving) offensive line. I also think they have significantly more talent on offense (Psst! Hines Ward is washed up…pass it on!), which will come in handy in a game where points will almost certainly be at a premium.

GREEN BAY @ ATLANTA
How can you not like the Packers in this game? Even before last week’s victory in Philadelphia, they were pegged as the team no one wanted to play in the postseason. Meanwhile, the Falcons this year have always been the team we didn’t 100% buy into, even as they piled up the best record in the conference.

I’m picking the Falcons. Not so much because Atlanta squeaked out a win when these two teams met in the regular season. I just think their home field advantage and (more importantly) their running game will carry them to victory. More simply, there are WAY too many people who like the Packers, while ignoring the fact that Atlanta was the best team in the conference the entire year.

SEATTLE @ CHICAGO
You know the saying: “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you again for actually believing that Matt Hasselbeck (pictured, left) and the Seahawks can recapture lightning in a bottle, go on the road (and away from their significant home field advantage) and beat a team with a much superior defense than the Saints unit they just torched.”

(Sorry, I guess I don’t really know how that saying goes.)

Anyway, I was as captivated and astounded as everyone else by the Seahawks’ inspired performance last weekend, but I just don’t see it happening again in Chicago. Didn’t it feel like we just watched the Seahawks have their best moment of the season? (And, yes, I realize the Seahawks won a game at Soldier Field earlier this year.) Although I’m concerned about the inherent train wreck potential of Jay Cutler, I feel pretty good about picking the Bears. (Then again, I felt great about picking New Orleans last week.)

N.Y. JETS @ NEW ENGLAND
Even if I were picking this game without having seen the Pats manhandle the Jets on that fateful Monday night, I’d say this is a HORRIBLE matchup for the Jets.

They have a shaky young quarterback going on the road. They don’t have a dominant running game anymore (which could help that young quarterback out).

But what about their vaunted defense, you ask? their best player (Darrelle Revis) is a shut-down corner who will absolutely take, um, somebody out of this game. The Jets always put Revis on the other team’s best receiver (like they did with a bitter Reggie Wayne last week), but the Patriots don’t really have a “best receiver” and spread the ball around brilliantly. Maybe the Jets can bring pressure and force a turnover. Good luck against the Pats excellent offensive line and a quarterback who currently holds the record for most passes without an interception and a team that only turned the ball over 10 times in 16 games.

Seriously, if you can make a reasonable compelling case as to why you think the Jets will (and can) win this game, I’d love to hear it.

John's Top 10 TV Shows of 2010

And you thought you were done with all of that Best of 2010 nonsense!

Stop acting like you don’t want to read another Top 10 list two weeks after the end of 2010. If you like that, then wait until next month when I unveil my Top 10 movies of 2010! (What?! I’m still catching up on stuff: for example, “The King’s Speech” comes out in my neighborhood this weekend.)

Before we get to the main event, let’s hand out a quick award and see whose stock rose and fell this past year. (NOTE: This is not meant to represent everything on TV…just the stuff I get around to watching.)

WORST PERSON ON TV OF 2010

Ivy from “Project Runway”: I REALLY wanted to give this prize to the ironically named Sammi Sweetheart from “Jersey Shore” (and I’m sure I’ll want to give it to her once I see the latest episode), but this HAS to go to Ivy.

Not only was she a relentlessly nasty person, but she was also a sycophant (sucking up to eventual winner Gretchen). In fact, she couldn’t even do THAT right seeing as how she turned on Gretchen in the season finale. Ivy was boring as a designer and terrible as a human being, and a deserving winner(?) of this award.

STOCK UP
“Community”: The show’s stock started rising after the first handful of episodes in the first season. The key was moving away from the Jeff and Britta Show (Jeff DID form the study group to try to impress Britta, if you recall) and more towards the main group as the dysfunctional family they are. Also, the weirder the show gets (the Conspiracy episode, the Zombie episode, the Paintball episode) the better.

“Weeds”: Ok, I get it. The show is completely unrecognizable from its original premise that had Nancy selling drugs in her suburban neighborhood to maintain her family’s lifestyle. Then again, did you REALLY think it was possible for (or want her) to keep doing that for SIX SEASONS? This show HAD to be blown up! While Nancy is still a godawful mother, I enjoyed watching the Botwins/Newman’s hitting the road and trying to establish a new identity every week. That conceit gave the show a creative juice it’d been missing.

“Entourage”: It took seven seasons, but Adrian Grenier’s Vince FINALLY did something interesting. Sure, it was a self-destructive bender that saw him date a porn star and become addicted to drugs, but at least it was something!

STOCK DOWN
“True Blood”: I watched all three seasons of “True Blood” last year, but its place on this list is due SOLELY to its overstuffed third season that saw ineffective werewolves (who were only there to get their asses handed to them by the vamps), were-panthers, meth addicts, fairies and witches join the fray. Here’s hoping they dial things back a bit and refocus on the main characters, while only making a few strong additions each year. (Like Denis O’Hare’s Vampire King Russell.)

“Glee”: It’s not so much a sophomore slump. It’s more that the show started believing its own hype. What started out as the tale of a bunch of underdogs became a show about which famous actor creator Ryan Murphy could get as a guest star, or which pop star’s catalog they could shoehorn into the plot.

THE TOP 10
10. “Lost”: Personally, I really loved the series finale, but I also understand why some people who were looking for answers might be frustrated. I’m not really sure the entire Sideways storytelling device ended up being a success, but for me it was wonderful seeing almost all the characters in the show’s history come back for one final, action-packed, emotional romp.

9. “Modern Family”/ “Cougar Town”: I hate to cheat by putting two great shows in one slot, but this Wednesday at 9 p.m. comedy block is SO good, that I’d also hate to separate them. “Modern Family” was actually my number 1 show last year (stock down?), but it’s place here says more about how good other shows were than it does about “Modern Family” getting worse. “Cougar Town” smartly moved away from its Jules-dates-younger-guys premise and focused more on the terrific cul-de-sac crew and all their inside jokes. The “Scrubs” fan in me LOVES this, even if do miss Super Cougar Barb.

8. “Dexter”: Like pretty much every other season of “Dexter”, things got off to a semi-sluggish start as the show established its standalone/season-long arc, but once things got going the show was as thrilling as its ever been, even without the presence of a major villain like John Lithgow’s Trinity Killer. The scene with Debra (unknowingly) pointing a gun at Lumen and Dexter in the finale and letting them get away took my breath away.

7. “The Walking Dead”: I thought the pilot was good, but not great. However, the zombie thriller quickly established itself as an engrossing and entertaining drama that provocatively explored what it means to be human. Also, there were some awesomely gruesome makeup effects along the way.

6. “30 Rock”: The show may have lost some of its buzz on the comedy block with the arrival of new kids on the block “Modern Family” and “Glee.” However, the show is as genius and bizarre as ever in its fifth season, which has featured a live episode, Tracy Jordan trying to win an Oscar (or at least a Golden Globe), two Black Swans and Kelsey Grammer as a con-artist.

5. “Justified”: As was the case with “The Walking Dead”, I liked the pilot, but didn’t love it. Still, I quickly warmed to the show’s simultaneously leisurely and thrilling rhythm, which allowed space for each week’s guest star to shine while Timothy Olyphant did cool, confident, commanding work as U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens. On top of that, “Bulletville” was the best season finale I’ve seen in a LONG time.

4. “Friday Night Lights”: I haven’t seen the current final season that’s airing on Direct TV. I’m talking about season 4, which rebooted the show and sent Coach Eric Taylor to East Dillon High School to coach the lowly Lions. Even though a lot of favorites are gone, the show did a splendid job of introducing a bunch of new characters you care for deeply, all held together by the inimitable Kyle Chandler and Connie Britton as the best fictional married couple EVER.

3. “Parks and Recreation”: A lot has been written about how much the show improved after its first season by allowing Amy Poehler to create her own character and by exploring the rest of the talented ensemble. The best compliment I can give it is that “Parks and Recreation” is as funny (though not quite as poignant) as “The Office” was when “The Office” was at its best. (And I still enjoy “The Office.”)

2. “Parenthood”: Watch this show! Where else are you going to find a show that’s suitable for the whole family that also happens to be wonderfully acted (Peter Krause and Craig T. Nelson, in particular, are killing it this season) written and produced. I love shows about zombies and mysterious islands as much as anyone else, but I also enjoy a show where one of the plots is one guy being annoyed that his brother-in-law stepped in and took control of the school play. Is there a reason this show is on at 10 p.m.?

1. “Mad Men”: You probably don’t need me to tell you this is a good show. It’s always been an expertly-acted, intelligent, engrossing drama. The difference this year (which saw Don Draper and Co. start and attempt to keep their own ad agency afloat) is that the thrilling energy coming off my TV screen each week matched that of the characters onscreen. “The Suitcase” is the best episode of television last year. (And of a lot of years.) Also, Jon Hamm absolutely acted his ass off and deserves to win every award he’s nominated for thanks to his work in season 4.

Tangled Review

By now, everyone knows that Disney movies are for everybody, right?

I would also think it’s common knowledge that even Disney “princess movies” — especially the modern musicals of the 1990’s — aren’t just for 10-year-old girls. (At least, that’s what I tell myself as a way to justify me knowing all the words to the songs in “The Little Mermaid.”)

“Tangled”, the latest attempt by Disney (after “The Princess and the Frog”) to revitalize that genre, is no exception.

In case you hadn’t heard, it’s the tale of Rapunzel (Mandy Moore), the princess with the ridiculously long hair who lives an isolated life in an impossibly high tower and under the thumb of her wicked, adoptive Mother Gothel (Donna Murphy).

The reason the movie is called “Tangled” and not “Rapunzel” is because the princess shares equal billing with Flynn Rider (Zachary Levi, who actually narrates the movie), a handsome, smoldering, self-absorbed thief who discovers Rapunzel and introduces her to the outside world.

As I spent so much time establishing in the first few paragraphs, this fast and funny movie has a little something for everybody.

Rapunzel proves a worthy successor to the Disney princesses before her by being a strong (but vulnerable) and independent role model for young girls.

Meanwhile, Flynn Rider (with an assist from the vain Mother Gothel and a truly relentless soldier-horse) handles the heavy lifting for everyone else in the audience by bringing a solid amount of humor to the proceedings. (Those Wanted posters just can’t get his nose right!)

For fans of eye-catching visuals, directors Nathan Greno and Byron Howard (“Bolt”) have made the fairy-tale story of Rapunzel jump off the page with backgrounds that make the forest look like a painting come to life and witty/lively action sequences.

I wish I could say the same for the movie’s music.

The thoroughly forgettable songs by Alan Menken (there’s “Mother Knows Best” and, um, the pretty one during the lantern scene) are emblematic of the movie’s disposable quality. Like “Tangled”, the songs work in the moment, but slip away from your memory as soon as they’re over. This is especially disappointing coming from the man who provided the music for new animated classics like “The Little Mermaid”, “Beauty and the Beast”, and “Aladdin.” (In case you think I’m living in the past, I also thought Menken’s work for “Enchanted” was far superior and memorable.)

While the movie is fun and entertaining, the main problem is that I completely forgot about it the next day.

Tangled…B

Desperate Housewives: Liver Free or Die

When the “big” reveal at the end of your episode is the return of a seventh-tier character that no one missed, cared for, or would’ve recognized if you hadn’t panned to his picture…that’s when you know you’ve just seen a particularly terrible episode of “Desperate Housewives.”

(I paused my “Dexter” mini-marathon for this?!)

Sorry in advance if I come off as harsh, but this latest installment of “Desperate Housewives” was particularly unacceptable after last week’s encouraging episode. Basically, the show squandered any momentum it built up last week.

I’ll try to keep it short because I don’t want to waste your time the way this episode the time of anyone who watched it:

- As predicted, Lynette continued her inexplicably immature (and just downright inexplicable) punishment of Tom for his one-night affair with Renee 20 years ago by playing a series of pranks on him. Doug Savant’s gift for physical comedy helped sell some of this stuff (although that tumble down his steps could’ve killed Tom), but there was just no reason for any of this to be happening.

The only good part of this fiasco was the fact that Lynette and Tom seemed to patch this nonesense up by the end of the episode after they made the controversial decision to talk about it as adults, and after Tom reminded Lynette of the wonderful life they’d built together. (Cut to Penny almost eating a laxative-laced brownie.)

- I used to joke about Teri Hatcher pissing off the writers because of the more embarrassing storylines Susan has gotten over the years. Well whatever Teri Hatcher did to the writers, Eva Longoria Parker must’ve done something 10 times worse.

Not only has Gabrielle been portrayed as a relentlessly bad mother for much of this season (ignoring Juanita, conspiring to have Grace’s mother taken away by immigration officers before changing her mind), but now she’s saddled with a cold bastard of a husband and a crazy doll fixation.

Last night, Grace lookalike “Princess Valerie” (who can jump off cliffs = lol) was discovered and torn apart by Gabby’s daughters, who were the victims of another crazed rant. That outburst was almost as crazy (but much less weirdly endearing) than Gabby’s conversation with the woman from the doll store, who has her own special relationship with one of her dolls.

Overall, NOT a good year for Eva Longoria Parker.

- Speaking of Teri Hatcher, things aren’t really looking up in the “Kidney Now” front. Julie isn’t a match, but it was thought that maybe Susan’s mom Sophie (guest star Leslie Ann Warren, pictured, right) would step up to the plate. I’m guessing Susan’s Aunt Claire (Valerie Harper) was unofficially disqualified because the show established her as a major lush.

Sophie seemed weirdly unwilling to part with her liver, so we knew something was up. Eventually, Claire told Susan that Sophie is battling breast cancer and didn’t say anything because she didn’t want to belittle Susan’s current ailment. The scene between mother and daughter (great job by whoever cast Warren, since the two look freakishly alike) was touching, but it was frustrating to see a lack of forward momentum on a downer of a storyline that we know, in all likelihood, is probably going to be solved at some point.

- Remember how Orson declared his love for Bree for last week and announced that he wasn’t going to stop trying to get her back? Neither did the show.

Instead Bree’s energy was focused on pleasing her priest (I can’t remember if his name was Pastor Blackmail or Father Guilt Trip) by reaching out to Beth Young, the troubled woman with the troubled hairstyle. (According to Renee.)

That led to a disastrous get-together in which Beth found a gun (just like the one that shot her husband) under a pillow on Bree’s couch.

Beth accused the women of trying to frame her (since her fingerprints are now on the gun), the women accused Beth of planting the gun herself (to blame one of them), and everyone at home rolled their eyes because it was painfully obvious that the sketchy delivery guy is the one who planted it.

- That brings us to the return of Zach Young. Obviously, none of the stuff I said in the previous paragraph has been confirmed. However, I’m willing to bet fake Internet money that Zach is the one who shot his unpopular dad for reasons that are yet to be determined.

Then again, the show might REALLY surprise us and have Zach do something completely unrelated. (Remember, Mike is his biological dad, and Zach once stalked Gabrielle once upon a time.)

So what’d you think of this episode? Do you think Zach is the one who shot Paul Young? Do you care? Finally, what’s your doll’s story?

NFL 2011 Wild Card Round Picks

The regular season is over and it’s time to wipe the slate clean!

That’s the cliché, isn’t it? Everyone’s 0-0 now.

Well, that’s good for me because I finished the regular season with a less than spectacular 125-101 record, but hey…that’s good enough to dominate the NFC West. (Ba-dum-ching!)

I have to run out to work on this Wild Card Saturday, so let me sneak in these picks for the first weekend of the postseason.

NEW ORLEANS @ SEATTLE
For the past week, all I’ve heard is people talking themselves into believing that the Seahawks won’t get crushed. (Not that they’ll actually win…just that they won’t get crushed.) Qwest Field is an incredibly loud place to play. The cross-country trip is rough for New Orleans. The rain should will a damper Drew Brees and the vaunted Saints offense. Matt Hasselbeck is really good at reading blitzes. The Saints can’t win without a running game.

I actually agree with the last one. The loss of Saints RBs Chris Ivory and Pierre Thomas will keep the Saints from winning the Super Bowl. However, it will NOT keep them from beating the sorry Seahawks by more than two scores. Did you see how the Rams/Seahawks game turned into a depressing field goal war after that first possession? Don’t overthink this one people!

N.Y. JETS @ INDIANAPOLIS
Watching last year’s AFC Championship game between these two teams, two things stood out. 1.) How painful it was for anyone rooting for the Jets to see Peyton Manning masterfully figure out what the Jets were doing on defense in the second half, and proceed to dissect them and 2.) Colts star WR Reggie Wayne was pretty much invisible in that game, leading Manning to pick on the Jets’ other corner (RIP Lito Sheppard’s career) and Pierre Garcon to catch 11 balls for 150 yards.

Now the Jets have Antonio Cromartie as “the other corner”, who can be beat, but is a HUGE upgrade over Sheppard. I know Manning has dissected Rex Ryan defenses in his career, but I think the Jets defense will do enough to keep the Colts in check. (Meaning in the 20s.) The matchup no one’s talking about is the Jets offense against the Colts defense. We haven’t really heard boo from the Jets running game recently, so I think the Jets would be well-served to have Mark Sanchez (pictured, left, possibly about to turn the ball over) throw early and often to get him comfortable in the game. Add to that the Jets’ strong road record (the team and their fans seem to get anxious at home when things don’t go well), and I’m feeling a Jets upset.

BALTIMORE @ KANSAS CITY
I’ll keep this one much shorter. I LOVE Kansas City’s home field advantage, but I just don’t remember them beating anyone good this year. (Sorry, beating the Chargers in week 1 doesn’t count.)

This just in: Baltimore is good — even REALLY good when they want to be, so they should be able to handle the Chiefs.

GREEN BAY @ PHILADELPHIA
Am I really taking four road teams on wild card weekend? You’re damn right I am.

And not just because Michael Vick these last few weeks has looked more like Atlanta Falcons Michael Vick, and less than the Michael Vick who had his gear shipped to Canton after dismantling the Redskins on Monday night. The Packers have the team speed to match them and, more importantly, this isn’t your father’s fierce/blitzing Eagle’s D. I think Aaron Rodgers is going to carve these guys up Sunday night.

Jersey Shore: The Rookie

I tried. I really did.

For 2011, I resolved to go into the new year — and the new season of “Jersey Shore” — with an open mind about Sammi “Sweetheart”, quickly becoming the most ironically-named character in pop culture history.

By the end of last season, she’d become unbearably, almost (I said ALMOST) comically awful.

As the cast returned to Seaside Heights for season 3, the couple who redefined the word toxic arrived first (oh hai, duck phone!) and instantly alienated themselves from the rest of the house by picking a bedroom with three beds.

Now, I’m not going to kill Sammi and Ronnie for wanting (allegedly) the “nicest” room in that house (whatever that means), but why would you pick a bedroom with three beds if you’re in a couple? (Especially if you’re in a couple that has painstakingly alienated itself from the rest of the house?) Not only are you inviting some poor soul into your own personal, depressing hell (The Situation drew the short straw), but it’s just inconsiderate and doesn’t make sense. Every time the camera showed Sammi last night I pretty much reacted exactly the same way (whorebag) J-Woww did when she saw Sammi standing in the big room: “Ugh!” (MVP could’ve used that room. Or how about: DJ’S?)

Of course, the “D” in “DJ’S” is new cast member Deena, who accompanied a newly red-haired Snooki to Seaside Heights. If we had any illusions about Deena being gradually, seamlessly integrated into the cast, they were blown up last night — and the episode was all the better for it.

In just one episode, Deena declared herself a walking holiday — per The Situation, she’s like Thanksgiving, “She’s got a lot to give, and she’s ready for a lot of stuffing” — got drunk during a game of flip (the?) cup, appeared on her way to hooking up with Vinny in the hot tub, showed her na-na (not to be confused with her kooka) to The Situation (pictured, right, who responded like a 13-year-old boy discovering Cinemax), and incited an argument that led to a fight between Sammi and J-Woww.

Not bad for a day’s work, and certainly worthy of the Rookie of the Year award bestowed upon her by The Situation. In fact, I’d argue that the new girl went overboard in trying to make an impression on the first day. Although she’s being pushed as another “Snooki” (and she’s allegedly Snooki’s good friend), I’m not so sure I’m on board with this addition yet. Then again, if you recall, Snooki got so drunk in HER first day at the house and made such a fool of herself that she threatened to leave. So maybe Deena really IS the next Snooki!

By the way, who knew that Snooki is apparently in love with Vinny. Last night we learned that Vinny had hooked up with Snooki’s previous BFF Ryder (seen in season 2, but not caught by cameras hooking up with Vinnie), which deeply wounded Snooki because, um, she loves that kid or something. Vinnie tried to explain that he didn’t want to hook up with Snooki (who was throwing herself at him) and have her develop feelings for him because that would seriously hinder his ability to get his freak on this season, but that didn’t stop her from leaving in a huff. Vinny also had the best line of the episode when he tried to defuse the awkwardness in the hot tub by asking Deena, “So what’s it like being a dental assistant?” before Deena slipped away.

I guess we have to talk about the fight that ended the episode. Kudos to MTV for at least showing us the beginning of J-Woww vs. Sammi 2: Money Never Sleeps, instead of cruelly cutting away from it right as it was about to happen as they did last season.

Earlier, I mentioned that Deena had tried way too hard. Well that also meant, she TRIED to be friendly to Sammi, asking her where she was from. All she got were cold, single-word responses as she robotically, infuriatingly straightened her hair with her hand.

It’s moments like this that make it easy to agree with Snooki’s contention that Samm is, indeed, “the biggest bitch I’ve ever met in my entire life.” Deena tried to drunkenly cuddle with The Situation and Sammi began laughing (well, it WAS kind of funny). Drunk Deena basically said “don’t condensend me, man” and started saying nasty things to Sammi as she left the room, including the c-word that isn’t “cute”, but has a lot of the same letters.

Deena continued saying terrible things as Sammi and Ronnie listened from upstairs. Curiously, neither sprinted into action until Deena mentioned Ronnie. (Note: Deena didn’t say anything about Ronnie: she just referenced Sammi’s f---ing boyfriend.) As we now know, Sammi can only be bothered to get out of bed to hide behind her bully of a boyfriend when he storms downstairs to yell at a diminutive girl.

Eventually, Sammi and Deena started yelling at each other, then Sammi versus Snooki (who got madder and madder the more she talked), then Ronnie (who is dead inside) sat down and put his head in his hands. Snooki miraculously fabricated an insult about Ronnie’s mom thinking Sammi is a bitch…but Ronnie didn’t exactly refute it.

It was when the couple ganged up on Snooki by calling her “a loser from Poughkeepsie” that J-Woww (a dormant volcano in the background) sprang into action and got in Sammi’s grill. Can’t decide what I enjoyed more: the guys sitting back and watching all this unfold as if they were watching TV like us (led by The Instigation, I mean, The Situation) or Sammi FINALLY getting smacked in that smug face of hers.

So what’d you think of this episode? What was up with Sammi’s fake punch? (If you’re gonna step to J-Woww, you best step to her for real!) What will the casts’ faux job be this year? Are you as disappointed as I am that we barely got any Pauly D last night? Finally, could Vinnie had found a girlier shower caddy? (It was periwinkle…all that was missing was a pretty yellow flower.)

True Grit Review

For all the useless information about movies my brain has collected over the years, I don’t really know jack about John Wayne.

I know he starred in a lot of westerns, but I’ve only seen one of his movies all the way through. (“The Green Berets” — don’t ask me why.) To be honest, my main reference point for the American screen icon is the impersonation of his walk that Nathan Lane does in “The Birdcage.” I also know that the only Best Actor Oscar Wayne collected during his storied career was for 1969’s “True Grit.”

I’m telling you all that to tell you this: although I’m already a person who strongly believes every movie should be able to stand on its own (whether it’s based on a book you haven’t read or a sequel/remake to a movie you haven’t seen), I’m not here to compare John Wayne to Jeff Bridges, and I’m REALLY not here to compare the original film to Joel and Ethan Coen’s thoroughly entertaining new take.

The spin for the new version is that it’s less of a remake of the John Wayne flick and more of a reimagining/direct adaptation of Charles Portis’ novel. Well, I didn’t read the novel either, so there goes that.

All I know is that this version stars Hailee Steinfeld (in a dazzling big-screen debut) as Mattie Ross, a 14-year-old girl who hires Rooster Cogburn (Jeff Bridges) —the meanest, crotchetiest U.S. Marshal she could find — to track down Tom Chaney (Josh Brolin), the man who killed her father.

Also looking for Chaney is a flamboyant Texas Ranger named LaBoeuf (pronounced “LaBeef”) who periodically joins Mattie and Rooster on their mission, and is more than happy to tell you how great the Rangers are.

I’m not exactly sure why Steinfeld has been slotted into “Supporting Actress” categories so far during this awards season (actually, I know exactly why…the competition there isn’t as stiff!), but the young actress competently and confidently drives the action in this film. This is particularly true early on when Mattie (who probably has the truest grit of any character) refuses to accept anything less than what she sees as justice for Chaney at her hands.

Still, Mattie isn’t some sort of freaky super child. I really appreciated that the Coens still took time to show that she was a kid who got cold when the person she was sleeping with hogged the covers or who got scared in a shootout.

Bridges is likely headed for his second consecutive Oscar nomination as Cogburn. Though I definitely enjoyed his performance, I don’t know Bridges (who comes off as immensely likable in real life and the majority of his roles) ever really convinced me that Cogburn was a bastard. As a result, his eventual bond with Mattie seemed inevitable from the beginning.

Damon, on the other hand, shrewdly uses his mega-celebrity/on-screen persona to his benefit. Any hang-ups you might have about forgetting that you’re watching “Matt Damon” are right there in his performance as LaBoeuf, who is mostly a noble buffoon that doesn’t fit Mattie’s definition of “true grit.” In other words, I loved him in this movie.

Conversely, Brolin’s performance basically amounts to an extended cameo in which the actor doesn’t really make much of an impression. (Maybe the point is that the person who killed Mattie’s father was kind of a nobody.) Mostly, it was good to see Barry Pepper on screen again (as the head of the gang Chaney is running with) in the movie’s third act.

This being a Coen Brothers production, it’s not surprising to see the movie injected with bits of poker-faced humor (besides the laughs we get from Bridges’ drunk act and Damon, who really is hilarious in this thing) followed up by bursts of violence. It’s also a more straight-forward production than their elegant, thrilling, sorta-confounding “No Country for Old Men”, their previous Oscar-winning entry in the western genre. Like “No Country”, “True Grit” looks gorgeous thanks to Roger Deakins, the Coens’ favored cinematographer.

“True Grit” moves a long at a decent, leisurely pace (occasionally broken up by those fits of humor and violence) before wrapping up with a strong climax and a questionably-necessary denouement. It’s also a satisfying throwback featuring impressive performances, and two of today’s best filmmakers working near (but not quite at) the top of their game.

True Grit…B+

Black Swan Review

Natalie Portman was pretty much perfect for — and is pretty much perfect in — “Black Swan.”

The story of a troubled, repressed young ballerina may not immediately seem like an ideal fit for one of the most famous, well-regarded movie stars in the world.

Portman plays Nina Sayers, a ballet dancer who slowly comes undone after earning the lead role in her company’s production of “Swan Lake.” The lead role in “Swan Lake” requires the dancer to inhabit both the regal and ethereal White Swan, as well as the dark and seductive Black Swan.

The fact that Nina is perfect in the White Swan role, but struggles mightily to channel her inner Black Swan is the reason this role seems tailor-made for Portman. Even though the actress has tried to tap into her dark side before — including earning an Oscar nomination for playing a stripper in “Closer” — it’s never entirely believable. No matter what Portman does, she can’t help but radiate intelligence and give off a good girl vibe. (She’s even poked fun at this image to hilarious effect.)

In watching “Black Swan” and in watching Portman’s career-best, transformative work (and I haven’t even gotten into the technical aspects of her performance as a dancer), I couldn’t help but feel that the movie was a sort of twisted version of “The Natalie Portman” story. (The fact that Nina becomes involved with her hilariously jerky and demanding director, played by Vincent Cassel, while Portman recently announced she was engaged to and pregnant by her “Black Swan” choreographer only made that feeling stronger.)

I’d say this was a coincidence if filmmaker Darren Aronofsky — one of the best directors working today — hadn’t pulled off a similar trick by having Mickey Rourke’s comeback and redemption mirror his character’s in “The Wrestler”, Aronofsky’s previous masterpiece.

His golden touch with casting doesn’t stop there. Mila Kunis is terrific and kind of a revelation as Lily, a fellow dancer who embodies everything Nina isn’t. Kunis is a welcome, friendly, and sexy presence in the film. (And I’m not just saying that because of her lesbian sex scene with Portman — I’m only 75% saying that because of her lesbian sex scene with Portman.) Barbara Hershey is just the right amount of bananas as Nina’s scary, clingy stage mom. Meanwhile, Winona Ryder (though she has only a handful of scenes) is perfectly cast as someone who used to be a big deal.

Genius/fluky casting aside, I expected Aronofsky to bring the same attention to detail he brought to the world of wrestling to the world of ballet, and he absolutely delivered. He shows us that ballet is incredibly demanding and even more than a little dangerous. From a more technical standpoint, the score (mostly a warped adaption of the music from “Swan Lake”) was incredible. It helped set the stage and didn’t require you having seen the original show to appreciate it. I also thought the way his and cinematographer Matthew Libatique’s camera spun around his dancers was thrilling, while his jittery, handheld work for other sequences helped put us in Nina’s paranoid state of mind.

Obviously, I’m a big fan of Aronofsky’s, but the man isn’t without faults.

A lot of the visual metaphors he uses in the movie are a little obvious and heavy-handed. (Nina has an almost exclusively white wardrobe, while Lily pretty much only wears black and has two black wings tattooed on her back.)

On top of that, even though Nina’s freaky visions are very effective for the occasional jolt, I’m not entirely sure a lot of the “what is real?” aspects of the script by Mark Heyman, Andres Heinz and John McLaughlin would hold up under close examination. That being said, I DID think they had some interesting things to say about the pursuit/perils of artistic perfection.

Still, the fact that the movie encourages you to go back and THINK about what you just saw is encouraging.

More importantly, “Black Swan” is an exciting, impressive movie featuring the best performance I’ve seen all year.

Black Swan…A-