Dancing with the Stars: Free(style) Fallin'

Mya deserves to win “Dancing with the Stars.” Mya SHOULD win “Dancing with the Stars.”

I don’t think Mya is going to win “Dancing with the Stars.”

Read on to find out why (I’ll give you a hint – FREESTYLE) as I breakdown part one of the two-part season finale, which concludes tonight.

Kelly Osbourne & Louis: Although Donny has actually been at the bottom of the leaderboard the last two weeks, Kelly was playing the role of “How the heck did I make it to the top 3?!” Carrie Ann stopped by and told Kelly what we’ve all been yelling at the TV all season – BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. She also gave Kelly some helpful tips in selling their tango, because I thought it was Kelly’s best performance of the season.

Unfortunately, her “I Will Survive” freestyle was as disastrous as her tango was solid. If the judges hadn’t all collectively agreed to throw away all their paddles with the number 7 or lower away, Kelly might have gotten a 6. That being said, I’m not completely mad at them for giving her straight 8s. Whereas she might actually burst into tears if this had happened two months ago, Kelly handled her numerous screw-ups magnificently. Her line about Louis pooping her out during a lift is an instant classic. She survived.

Mya & Dmitry: Remember Stacy Keibler? If you need a refresher, she was basically the Mya of season 2 – technically superior to the competition with a slightly aloof attitude. Stacy was mostly done in by a spectacularly lame freestyle routine and actually finished THIRD behind Jerry Rice and Drew Lachey.

I don’t believe Mya is going to finish third (hi Kelly), but her freestyle was so disappointingly lifeless that I think it may have lost her the crown. I totally agreed with the judges in that it seemed like the thing never got going. I’d actually say it’s something like the 15th best routine Mya has done on this show. The worst part is that it’s not her fault. Dmitry insisted they go with a “Hairspray” concept Mya wasn’t totally loving. Now, I’ve actually criticized Mya in this column for repeatedly second guessing her pro partner, but, really Dmitry?! Hairspray?! That movie came out two summers and FOUR “Dancing with the Stars” season ago. Way to be current! You definitely let your partner down.

It’s a shame too because Mya had been literally perfect up until that point. Her paso doble was appropriately fierce and on point, but I doubt most people will remember that – they’ll be thinking “Hairspray?!”

Donny Osmond & Kym: The door was left wide open for Donny to grab the title and I think he may have burst through. I didn’t love the choreography in his cha cha cha, but whatever spark the routine may have lacked, Donny made up for with his enthusiasm and excellent hip action. (Hip action is consistently the most lacking element from our celebs.) Thankfully, Bruno and Donny kept the sexual innuendo to a minimum during the former’s visit.

Donny and Kym’s freestyle could’ve been overwhelmed by its gimmickry, but it ended up being an absolute charmer. (LOVED the costume change at the beginning!) Their Broadway routine was fun, had a beginning, middle and end, and, most importantly, was expertly danced. Even Marie’s obligatory appearance in his rehearsal footage (look at my face!) was done in a funny way after last week’s awkward joke from Donny. I don’t know that it was a perfect 30, but it was far and away the best freestyle of the night.

Mega Mix: For the first time, the three remaining couples simultaneously performed the same choreography (waltz, samba, jive) side by side. It seemed like a good idea (did it really?) but in the end, it was mostly hard to tell which couple was actually off? For example, was Mya early or was Kelly lagging behind? (I actually think I know the answer to THAT one.) Like the judges, I was mostly impressed by how well Donny blended in with the two male pros. I actually would’ve give him the victory instead of Mya.

So what’d you think of this episode? Am I the only one who gets a little weirded out watching the judges actually walk around? Is it bad that I enjoyed Kelly’s freestyle more than Mya’s? Who do you have tonight – Jerry Rice or Michael Irvin? Finally, who do you think is going to win? (I’m going with Donny!)