America's Next Top Recap: Braving the Elements

They had me going there for a second.

Literally, for a second or two when Tyra paused right before she revealed WHO(!) was America’s Next (First) Top (Petite) Model, I actually stopped fidgeting with my dinner and looked up at the TV to see the announcement, even though it was pretty obvious who should/was going to/deserved to win.

Since there were two finalists instead of three, this finale was slower-paced than usual (no mid-episode elimination before the runway show). Still, since Nicole and Laura were far and away my two favorite contestants in this cycle (and in the last couple of cycles, actually), I didn’t mind too much.

Ok, I DID mind a little.

Without the likes of Erin, Jennifer or Sundai to mildly annoy me, it became more apparent then ever that Nicole and Laura’s speaking voices can be pretty irritating in their own ways. The only reason I noticed this is because the first 15 minutes of the episode was dedicated to the usual “we can’t believe we’re in the final two.” At least, it was an interesting contrast: Nicole’s slow, deliberate monotone vs. Laura’s bubbly, enthusiastic grammatical errors.

The first challenge was to shoot a Cover Girl commercial about two friends hiking in the Hawaiian woods with mascara that had a surprisingly low amount of lesbian overtones. (They were undertones, really.) While one girl was filming the commercial with Mr. Jay, the other was taking her beauty shot with Nigel.

Each of the girls absolutely rocked their beauty shots, though I have to give Nicole the edge for still looking fantastic despite having her signature curly hair straightened out. The commercial went considerably less smoothly with Laura’s dyslexia flaring up again, and Nicole’s deliberate diction and slow delivery coming off as snobbish. I didn’t get a snob vibe at all – I thought that commercial was just, well, Nicole. (Tyra agreed later on.) Laura, too, conquered her dyslexia and delivered a charming (if slightly slurred) commercial.

After a photo shoot at the house for Seventeen magazine, Tyra stopped by for one of those chats in which she tries to make the girls cry. (It’s almost as if the tears of young women give her power – or maybe I’ve seen her talk show one too many times.) Nicole obviously wasn’t going to give Tyra what she needed, but once Laura started talking about her beloved grandma – jackpot!

The final challenge was a runway show that featured previous cycle winner Teyona, the return of Erin, Jennifer, Sundai and Brittany, and Eddie Murphy’s daughter (huh?!) I’m not really sure why the eliminees were brought back other than to make us think that Laura had a chance of winning since three of them said they were rooting for her. (Methinks they were still a little bitter about having their asses kicked by Nicole.)

The runway show – featuring fire, water, wind (but not earth – or heart) – got underway and things did NOT look good for Nicole and her aggressive, shoulder-y walk. (To be fair, it DID seem to improve throughout the show.) Laura, meanwhile, looked fantastic, particularly at the end of the wind portion. (It was so good that the editors used that shot about four times.) The show ended with the Top Model girls writhing under a sprinkler. (I’m assuming Eddie Murphy missed that part since he probably bailed out early to make a horrible movie.)

When the Tyra, Ms. J and Nigel were breaking down the runway show, I was convinced the advantage would clearly go to Laura. However, Tyra and Nigel got over their initial horror at Nicole’s walk and praised it for being distinctive and “signature.” And when you really think about it, while Laura’s walk was good, there really wasn’t anything memorable about it.

The judges also flipped through a few of the finalists past photos and Nicole won every head-to-head matchup except for the Cirque du Soleil challenge.

As a result, Nicole was named the winner of the first all-petite cycle of “America’s Next Top Model.” (Though she’s actually taller than cycle 3 winner Eva.) What can I say that I haven’t said already? Nicole was the best model throughout the competition and deserved the win.

That’s actually why I was nervous and worried that she wouldn’t win since this show has a great track record for not giving the victory to the best girl. As we see in the “Top Models in Action” segments, some of the more successful working models on this show are also-rans and if Nicole had lost, I have no doubt she would’ve found work.

Still, she won and I’m happy for her, if only for the idea that the best person got what they deserved. Also, kudos to Laura for being a great contestant, absolutely hilarious and one of the sweetest girls this show has ever seen. This cycle may have started off slow, but it’s hard to argue with the result.

So what’d you think of this episode? What’d you think of this cycle? Would you have given Laura the win? Finally, did you kinda miss the Auto-Tune-riffic “Top Model” theme at the end? (I know I did.)

Thanks for reading along this season/cycle.