Dancing with the Stars: Technical Knockout

After last week’s surprisingly terrific episode, we were due for a letdown.

Each of the four remaining couples performed three — actually, more like two and a half — routines during the semifinal round. Donny’s stumbles and struggles during his show-opening tango turned out to be an omen for the rest of the evening, which just felt like it was missing…something.

Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Instead, let’s talk about each couple, in order of appearance.

Donny Osmond & Kym: Gilles Marini stopped by for a visit and informed Donny that the key to the tango is making the audience uncomfortable. I’m not sure bumbling through the tango after Kym got her dress caught in her heel was what Gilles was talking about, but this tango was definitely uncomfortable to watch, so mission accomplished!(?) The dance was almost as uncomfortable as Donny’s over-the-top, self-deprecating reaction right afterward. Then again, even that wasn’t as bad as Donny’s (failed) humorous attempt to blame the whole thing on his sister Marie.

Fortunately, his next two dances were a clear improvement. His samba was adequately spry and lively (though a little goofy). The third performance by each couple was the abbreviated knockout dance they all had to prepare a few weeks ago in case they were in jeopardy. Donny and Kym inexplicably dressed up as watermelons and did a very good jitterbug. The fact that this was a short performance helped Donny because the jitterbug is relentless. Despite being in the bottom of the leaderboard again, I’d bet money that he’s going to the finals. I just don’t feel it’s a sure thing after his increasingly bizarre post-dance behavior.

Joanna Krupa & Derek: Brooke Burke became the second DWTS-alum in a row to stop by a rehearsal package and helped Joanna deal with the often-intense Derek by having them impersonate each other. (Hey, he DOES pull his hair straight up when he’s exasperated!) I don’t know whether the “role playing” helped or not, but I thought Joanna’s waltz was pretty terrific.

I wish I could say the same about their cha cha. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again – Derek Hough is a genius. Usually I say this because of his terrific choreography. Today I’m saying it because he’s smart enough to realize that Joanna has NO hip action, so he decided to dress her in bright red fringe pants that give the illusion of hip-action. BRILLIANT! Her knockout salsa was an improvement, even if it looked just like their mambo from a few weeks ago. (And I definitely could’ve done without the “rock and roll” gesture Derek flashed at one point – what are you doing, man?!)

Kelly Osbourne & Louis: Remember how last week we were introduced to Kelly’s adorable, puffy little dogs? Well, I hope you didn’t get too attached to both of them. Kelly soldiered through her grief and delivered a sexy, capable rumba (the hardest dance to master, in my opinion) right up until the very end when they screwed up a bit. I even liked the bit where Louis hung back and creepily stared at Kelly while she did her solo.

I wasn’t as big a fan of her quickstep as the rest of the judges were. There were parts where it looked like Kelly was simply running instead of dancing, and there was a portion she and Louis weren’t together at all. Her cha cha knockout dance had potential to be great, but it ended before it really got started.

Mya & Dmitry: If Mya’s main concern is that she doesn’t look like she care enough or has to try as hard as the others, then her rehearsal package did her no favor. I know ALL the rehearsal packages are staged, but the whole “Rules” segment (late fees, pushups for mistakes) was off-puttingly phony. Fortunately, her excellent dancing made up for all of this.

Yes, the couple’s waltz was lovely and almost perfectly danced, but I want to talk about her second round salsa. It’s not only the best performance of the season, but it’s one of the best routines I’ve ever seen on this show. Finally, Mya seemed to really let herself go and got down! I think even Len was so stunned that he didn’t realize he admitted that he’d been looking at her buttocks the entire time. Her knockout cha cha was also excellent (now HERE’S a celeb that can move her hips). Finally, it appears Carrie Ann has taken on the “hater” mantle from Len in regards to this couple. I get that you don’t want to give them a 30 anytime, but her critiques don’t even really make sense.

So what’d you think of this episode? Is Gilles Marini the best male celeb dancer this show has ever seen? (I say, yes — sorry Mario Lopez.) Which contestant’s background video package was the best? (I don’t know why, but Donny’s son talking about how the 80’s were rough on his dad cracked me up.) Finally, who’s making it to the finals? (Mya’s obviously in, the judges clearly want Joanna and Derek in, so it comes down to Kelly and Donny. I’m guessing Donny’s fanbase pushes him past Kelly into the finals.)