America's Next Top Recap: Making Waves

Sometimes, the good guys DO win.

Believe me, “America’s Next Top Model” is probably the last place I expected to have this life-affirming lesson confirmed.

Since it’s the last episode before the season/cycle finale, we were treated to the obligatory “I really want this”, “I can’t believe I made it this far”, “I don’t want to go home NOW” cliché-fest.

Fortunately, this is “Top Model” – so there was a lot of crazy crap in store to break up the boredom.

In her continuing, paradoxical quest to teach these girls the art of dance and then criticize their photos for “looking too much like a dancer”, Tyra sent the girls for a hip hop hula lesson from a rather mannish instructor. (Sorry, but she WAS!) Apparently, “hip hop hula” is not so much a fusion of the two styles as it is hula followed by (needle scratching on record sound) hip hop.

The girls had to learn a routine which they would perform with the HHH dancers. The routine would also include a solo, in which the girls would use dance to express deep emotions like “love”, “determination” and “awkwardness.” (Ok, so that last one was just Nicole.)

Erin (and her dance/cheerleading background) took charge, and things went about as well as when Ashley (with HER dance background) tried to choreograph a routine during the Benny Ninja challenge. (The common factor in both instances – rhythmically-retarded Nicole!) Then again, maybe if Erin hadn’t been so brusque and bossy (she just can’t help it!) things might have gone better.

Nicole was predictably terrible, but thankfully had a good sense of humor when Ms. J mocked her. Jennifer had gone first, and did an ok job. Erin nailed the HHH portion, but her solo was mostly unwatchable. Laura unleashed her inner krumper (seriously, she’s got skillz!) and won the weekly challenge - a return trip back to Hawaii. (Did anybody else assume this meant a friend from back home, not one of her competitors?) Laura chose Jennifer (who had taken to yelling IN EVERY SINGLE ONE OF HER CONFESSIONALS!)

The photo shoot for the week was inspired by Pele, goddess of volcanoes. (NOT by the greatest soccer player of all time, though THAT would’ve been interesting.) Apparently, Pele spent a lot of her time standing on rocks at the edge of the ocean and waiting for waves to dramatically crash around her. Mr. Jay also announced that TWO girls would be going home. (dun, dun, DUN!)

Jennifer went first and struggled, mostly because she stubbornly refused to get off her tip-toes. Nicole followed her and did amazingly. (In other news, the sky is blue.) Laura seemed to struggle mightily enough to convince me she was going to be sent packing. Erin went last and had a mean look on her face (she’s mean, what do you expect?) until she decided to sing a song to herself in her head. (A pop song “teenagers listen to,” said teenager Erin.) Why didn’t Erin tell us tell us the song? Would the CW have to pay for the music rights if she did? (I told you they were strapped for cash!)

For the first time I wasn’t a fan of ANY of the pictures shown at panel.

Though it was obvious Nicole did the best job, I felt like Tyra chose a more subdued photo of her simply to create doubt as to whether or not she’d make the finals. (It didn’t work.)

Jennifer, Laura and Erin stepped up with only one spot open in the top 2. The nicest thing they could say about Jennifer’s picture was that her skin looked good. Erin’s picture was the best out of this three, but Tyra mentioned that the rest of her film was crap. The judges seemed to really admire Laura’s shot, but, to be honest, I kind of hated it. Her legs looked shorter than they are and her face looked a lot more startled and put-off than sexy.

That being said, I was ecstatic that Laura earned that second spot in the finale. (I literally high-fived my girlfriend!) Not only are these the two best competitors – watching Jennifer’s montage at the end made me realize that none of her photos were really very good – but they’re also my absolute favorite contestants in this cycle. I mean, who else but Laura could make not knowing what “covet” means charming?

So what’d you think of this episode? What exactly was the point of eliminating two people and NOT having a final 3? Finally, who do you think will win the finale? Though Nicole is an overwhelming favorite, I keep hearing a nagging voice telling me that the judges want Laura (and what they think is a personality superior to Nicole’s) to win.