The Expendables Review

They just don’t make action movies like they used to — but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

The fact of the matter is that advances in technology have made it possible for filmmakers to believably render and bring to the screen images and ideas that, previously, could never make it past their imaginations. Besides that, there’s another school of action directors who have favored a more realistic, “you are there” filmmaking style (often using handheld cameras) in recent years, which has often yielded exciting results.

As with all things in life, there’s a downside.

The idea that filmmakers couldn’t (and didn’t want to) ALWAYS give us a completely believable action movie had its own undeniable charm. And since realism wasn’t usually on the table, the sense of “we’re just making a movie where stuff blows up” fun extended to the genres biggest stars.

Speaking of the action genre’s biggest stars, you may or may not have heard that a lot of them have been famously assembled by director-writer-star Sylvester Stallone for “The Expendables.” (Of course you’ve heard that— it’s the whole point of the movie!)

Stallone stars as Barney Ross, the leader of an elite team of mercenaries who have names like Lee Christmas, Ying Yang, Hale Caesar and Toll Road. (Seriously.) A quick opening sequence introduces us to the team, and the guys eventually accept a dangerous assignment to overthrow a dictator in a fictional island nation.

For a movie that’s been heavily billed as a sort of Action Movie All-Star Game, the results ended up being more like “The Sly Stallone and Jason Statham Show: Featuring Jet Li, Stone Cold, Mickey Rourke, Terry Crews and Randy Couture (With Special Appearances by Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger).”

…and I’m actually ok with that.

Sure, it was a tremendous kick (even after all these years) to see Stallone, Willis and Schwarzenegger finally share the screen during a brief scene early on. Going in, I thought I was going to want to go on longer, but it ended up being just the right length. (That’s what she said.) This is especially true since, if the scene had gone on longer, I probably would’ve spent the additional time marveling at how Schwarzenegger looks less like person and more like a wax version of himself.

Stallone isn’t exactly above looking like a, um, suspiciously well-preserved version of himself, but once you get past the freaky veins in his arms, you notice that his old movie star twinkle is back and he’s genuinely enjoying himself (and the fact that he got to make his movie).

He also wisely decided to let that whippersnapper Jason Statham do most of the action movie heavy-lifting, and Statham responds by turning in, arguably, the movie’s most charismatic performance. The movie probably could’ve done without the half-baked subplot about his girlfriend’s abusive new beau, but it DID give Statham a chance to threaten to deflate a guy’s balls. Welcome back, action movie one-liners!

The rest of the cast get their individual moments to shine. I was most impressed by Rourke (as a former member of the team), who brought a confident and relaxed presence to the proceedings, as well as the movie’s valiant attempt at depth. I also thoroughly enjoyed Dolph Lundgren (the guy should be getting more work in major theatrical movies) as a soon-to-be former member of the team, and Terry Crews, who brandishes the biggest weapon we’re likely to see this year and is clearly loving every minute of it. It's also good to see Eric Roberts keeping his streak of playing bad guys alive. (I believe he's up to 28 straight movies.)

I was less impressed by Jet Li (who looks like he got old in a hurry, which is probably why he was used less than I thought he would be), Randy Couture (the brains of the operation…seriously) and Steve Austin (I just wanted him to give someone a Stone Cold Stunner already!)

Obviously, these guys aren’t here to wow us with their acting ability – they’re here to kick ass. And the movie’s final 25-30 minutes delivers on that promise by giving us an orgy of ultra-violence. Sure, the whole thing is more than a bit clunky, but it’s also a good amount of fun. Stallone’s character even admits that he doesn’t have a plan for the final assault on the bad guy’s army!

This movie works best as a throwback to action movies of the 80’s and 90’s, but it doesn’t work as well as an actual GOOD movie in 2010. Still, I think it’s ok to look back on old times and have a little fun at the movies every once in a while.

The Expendables…B-