American Idol: Group Therapy

The Group Round during Hollywood Week on “American Idol” is never short on drama, and last night was no exception.

Since it took almost 45 minutes of group-assembly drama and hotel hallway rehearsals (featuring potentially-meddlesome stage moms), I’m not gonna do you like that and instead jump right into my scattered thoughts on this two-hour extravaganza.

- Why do we even have a group round? (I mean besides, “DUH-RAMA!!!”) I get that the idea is to see which singers stand out in a crowd, but the contestants aren’t really asked to collaborate like this during the competition, except for maybe top 4 week. (And, yes, I’m intentionally excluding those unwatchable performance during results shows because no one should ever bring those up.)

- Is it just me or did Scotty McCreery come off as a bit of a douche last night. Scotty’s deep voice is obviously one of the standouts this season, but the smug way he demanded the groups who were clamoring for his services to try out for him was slightly off-putting. (This dude already thinks he’s somebody!) Also, I didn’t really buy his tears over not standing up for Jacee Badeaux after Jacee’s group booted him. I think he was crying because he realized how badly he came off and was trying to save face.

- Scotty DID confirm something I already suspected: Jacee is the most popular person in this competition.

- As bad as I think Scotty came off, it wasn’t anywhere near as bad as the freakishly-tall Jordan Dorsey, who blew any sort of shot he ever had at winning viewer votes by acting like an egotistical moron the entire night. Apparently, no one was good enough for his group, until one guy was…and then he decided to ditch them anyway. The thing of it is that Jordan’s new group (“I Want You Back”) wasn’t noticeably better (or any better) than his old “Forget You” group.

- If not for Jordan, then Clint Jun Gamboa would’ve definitely been Public Enemy #1 for leading the ousting of Jacee. I think Clint is still a really good singer, so he might win some people over with his talent, but last night he didn’t come off well at all. (Even if I ultimately sort of agreed that Jacee didn’t exactly fit into what his group ended up doing.)

- Clint should probably ditch the stupid white plastic glasses.

- It’s good that the judges announced they were considering past performance, because Jacee didn’t know his new group’s son, “Mercy” (and why would he?), and it would’ve been a shame to see him go out like that.

- Statistics show that if you flirt with Steven Tyler during a group performance of “Some Kind of Wonderful”, you have a 25 percent chance of advancing to the next round. Congrats, Lauren Alaina. Goodbye, other girls who I didn’t think were bad at all.

- Unlike the previous Hollywood Week episode, this one gave us some potential breakouts we’ve never seen before. I’m not even talking about Jacob Lusk, who Seacrest anointed a “new star” in his narration. I’m actually looking forward to hearing more from the members of The Minors — Deandre Brackensick, Sarina-Joi Crowe, Keonna Evans, Jalen Harris, Felix Ramsey — who had REALLY strong harmonies and blew away Deep V in their “Somebody to Love” showdown. I’m not looking forward to hearing more from their stage moms.

- Then again, I’m pretty sure The Minors’ stage moms could’ve done a better job with “Somebody to Love” than Deep V did. It seems like they only picked that song so that the increasingly desperate James Durbin could wail away while Freddie Mercury rolled in his grave. It was TERRIBLE.

- Seems like it’s better to go early. There’s no comparison or measuring stick for the judges and expectations are naturally on the low side. That’s my way of saying the first group — Alessandra Guerico, Pia Toscano, and Brielle Von Hugel — were ok, but nothing special. (Pia was the best, and I would’ve booted Brielle.)

- In a shocking turn of events, no one wanted to work with Tiffany “Starboobs” Rio, who ended up overwhelming her partner. (R.I.P. Jessica Yantz’s shot at being the next “American Idol.”)

- “I love hot people.” – Starboobs (Who doesn’t?)

- Goodbye Paris Tassin (who was more memorable for her daughter’s hearing aid), Emily Anne Reed (I liked your weird voice), Janelle Arthur (had a great first audition, but apparently tailed off) and Gutierrez brother. (Does it really matter which one?)

- Yes, Giovanni Ribisi clone Rob Bolin was in an uncomfortable awkward situation (he doesn’t dance, he has to work with his ex Chelsee Oaks AND a Stepford Wife-in-training Jacqueline Dunford), but I really got tired of his whining yesterday. At least he went down in a delirious blaze of glory, blanking on the words to “Forget You” and making up his own.

- How in the hell did Jacqueline Dunford make it through? Her performance was thoroughly unpleasant!

- I used to think that Ashley Sullivan (pictured, far right) was just crazy, but it turns out that she’s a crazy quitter. Then again, her group mates REALLY seemed to like her, so maybe there’s something there.

- Either way, Ashley’s group delivered the night’s best performance with their strong, entertaining take on “Hit ‘Em Up Style.” (You can tell each of them were digging what they were doing.)

- To the guy who wrote the lyrics on his hand: REALLY?! (But also, is that explicitly not allowed? I guess so!)

- Hollie Cavanaugh impressed me again…but I have no idea why Corey Levoy made it through. (And neither did he.) Corey was singing to the back of the stage and only occasionally into the microphone.

- Carson Higgins of 4 Non-Blondes and That Guy is potentially insane (definitely some crazy eye), but damn it, I like him.

So what’d you think of this episode? What was more disgusting — the way Jordan Dorsey acted or that noodle-nose trick? Finally, if you had a group at Hollywood Week, what would you call it? (It’s easy to make fun of the stupid names last night, but it’s hard to come up with something better.)