You should never, under ANY circumstances, give your own son breasts.(You probably have no idea what the hell I’m talking about for two reasons: 1) You haven’t been watching “Nip/Tuck” this year or 2.) You’ve been watching, but I waited SO long to write about “Alexis Stone II” that you simply forgot what happened in this episode. Reason #2 is on me – I actually thought I’d already written this recap up until a few days ago.)
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah – you should NEVER give your own son breasts. You just can’t do it. This is something I feel very passionate about. I’d even be willing to film a (fake) public service announcement to get the message out.
I don’t even care if it’s a matter of life and death, as it was in this episode when Matt begged Christian to give him breast implants to save his life. It turns out Matt isn’t quite womanly enough for his brutally abusive new cellmate and the intimidating fellow tried to force Christian to give Matt breast implants. (Because that TOTALLY makes it less gay!)
Look, I’m not saying that I’d let my theoretical/nonexistent son die. It’s just that if I were a hot shot plastic surgeon, I’d probably get one of my plastic surgeon contacts to perform the operation. There just isn’t any way I would be the one to give my son breasts. Let’s think this through for a minute. You give your son breasts so that he (maybe) doesn’t get brutalized anymore. There’s just one small problem. Well, two actually – YOUR SON NOW HAS BREASTS.
Kudos to “Nip/Tuck” for the absolutely disturbing fantasy sequence in which Christian imagined that he’d performed the operation. Even more kudos to the writers for finally having Matt stand up for himself! The guy doesn’t need any more problems, so I hope the warden considers the death of his sadistic cellmate an act of self-defense and not murder.
Unfortunately, I have to take kudos away from the writers for bringing back indecisive, gender-bending Alexis Stone for a second consecutive episode. I get that she was there to parallel Matt’s story and show that our anatomy doesn’t necessarily make us who we are, but her/his appearance was mostly pointless and boring. If they were going to bring back an outrageous character from a previous episode, bring back Jenny Juggs or the serial killer who murdered Teddy or anyone else who’s actually interesting.
Still, this episode is mostly a winner for finally – after 5 1/2 seasons – having whiny wet blanket Julia DO something unequivocally awesome! (Of course, it also happened to be highly illegal.)
Things didn’t look encouraging at the start of the episode. To present a united front against Julia’s mom Erica, Sean and Julia went house-shopping and (predictably) fell into bed together. These two have gone back and forth so much (and Julia has been so annoying), that I honestly don’t even want to waste time wondering if I want them to be together or not. It was during a post-coital conversation that Sean revealed his master plan – he’d plant cocaine(!?) on Erica’s new hubby Renaldo and get control of Annie back. Julia thought it was absurd, went in the bathroom, closed the door and flushed the drugs – or so we (or at least I) thought.
Ah, Renaldo. We knew there had to be something off about this guy since he married a woman who looked like his grandmother. (Don’t get me wrong, I think Vanessa Redgrave is kinda sexy, but still…) Although, Erica is a brilliant psychologist, I’m willing to buy that her thirst to recapture her youth blinded her to the fact that Renaldo is a pedophile.
Although this twist was appropriately disgusting, it was a bit random. I mean, what was Renaldo’s plan? To marry a MUCH older woman so he could hit on her granddaughter? All I know is that the scene in which Renaldo was photographing Annie featured “Goodbye Horses”, aka the song Buffalo Bill danced to in “The Silence of the Lambs.” In other words, this guy was clearly up to no good. Another thing I know – Vanessa Redgrave can make a line like “I found him with her underpants, ejaculating” sound elegant. Damn she’s good!
She’s so good that it was great to finally see real-life daughter Joely Richardson rise to the challenge on this show. After a kiss-off scene that would’ve been terribly cruel if it hadn’t been absolutely deserved, Erica went to the airport to skip town. The only problem is that Julia had planted the bag of cocaine in her bag, so I’m guessing Erica’s flight is going to be delayed. If this is the last we see of Erica, it was a pretty sweet comeuppance for a wickedly bitchy character AND a terrific triumph for Julia.
VERY well played.
So what’d you think of this episode? Do you even remember any of this stuff happening? Since Kimber dumped him and he's left McNamara/Troy, is this the last we've seen of Mike? Does "The Silence of the Lambs" ever get old? Finally, are there any circumstances in which you can imagine giving your own son breasts? (If so, what, exactly, is wrong with you?)
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