NFL 2009 Week 17 Picks

Like the Saints and the Vikings, I’m limping into the playoffs.

After nothing but success, I’ve had two losing weeks in a row (7-9 week, 142-85 overall). Unlike the Saints and the Vikings, my picks record doesn’t really mean anything, so if I don’t get myself straightened out the worse that’ll happen is I’ll get mocked online. (On the other hand, if the Vikings don’t get straightened out, they could become the third consecutive franchise to get temporarily blown up by Brett Favre. Also, if the Saints don’t get straightened out, they’re letting down an entire city.)

No pressure.

INDIANAPOLIS @ BUFFALO
If Jim Caldwell wanted to rest his players, that’s fine. Announce that you’re starting them and pulling them at halftime. However, making everyone (including his starters – did you see how annoyed some of the Colts looked on the sideline?) think he was going to play to win, only to pull the rug out from under everybody is bad karma. Yes, the Colts were 14-0 and had earned the right to do whatever the hell they wanted. Still, intentionally throwing away a close game with playoff implications is poopy. I hope the Jets get into the playoffs and beat the Colts in the second round!

JACKSONVILLE @ CLEVELAND
Does anyone know why the Browns decided they wanted to try and save Eric Mangini’s job with four weeks to play? Anybody?!

SAN FRANCISCO @ ST. LOUIS
Remember how I bashed the Colts for throwing a game away that had playoff implications? Well, that doesn’t really apply here. I’m not saying the Rams should TRY to lose – I’m saying that a loss here means they win the Ndamukong Suh (pictured, right) sweepstakes, which isn’t the worst thing in the world.

PITTSBURGH @ MIAMI
I know Pittsburgh needs a LOT of help to get into the playoffs, but I’m getting a Jason Vorhees vibe from this team – they will NOT die!

N.Y. GIANTS @ MINNESOTA
Dome sweet dome.

ATLANTA @ TAMPA BAY
I’ll believe that Bill Cowher and his chin are coming to Tampa when I see it. Also, don’t look now, but the Bucs have noticeably improved in the past month or so. I wonder how good of a job Raheem Morris could do if he got good players in here.

NEW ORLEANS @ CAROLINA
Matt Moore, the quarterback of the future for the Panthers? Why the hell not?

NEW ENGLAND @ HOUSTON
I know New England has nothing to play for and will likely rest their starters, but one of Newton’s Laws of Physics is that the Texans HAVE to finish 8-8, right? (In a related story, they’re 8-7 right now.)

CHICAGO @ DETROIT
I think the Bears will have a second consecutive strong showing that will be just enough to save Lovie Smith’s job. (Insert groan from Bears fans.)

BALTIMORE @ OAKLAND
I know the Raiders are frisky, but Baltimore simply CAN’T blow this fantastic chance to get into the postseason – can they?

GREEN BAY @ ARIZONA
These two potential first-round opponents won’t (and shouldn’t) show their opponent too much. By the way, watch out for Arizona.

WASHINGTON @ SAN DIEGO
After two consecutive stink bombs, I vote that we banish Washington from prime time for the next two seasons. No? Ok, how about just Jason Campbell?

TENNESSEE @ SEATTLE
Seattle is so bad that I’d be surprised if Chris Johnson did NOT rush for 234 yards and breaks the single-season record.

PHILADELPHIA @ DALLAS
Don’t you see what they’re doing, Cowboys fans? They’re roping you in for another playoff choke job. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

KANSAS CITY @ DENVER
I think scholars will be debating for years to come whether the Broncos 2009 season was successful. They appeared to meltdown before a single game was played, but started 6-0 before getting to where they are now – on the verge of missing the playoffs. Oy, my head hurts – I’ll let you figure this one out.

CINCINNATI @ N.Y. JETS
I just have a bad feeling about this one. Sorry, Jets fans.