American Idol: Movie Night is a Flop

As if we needed more proof that none of these people are really viable, dynamic or relevant solo artists in 2010, much less music superstars-in-the-making (and, yes, that includes you Ms. Bowersox)…

The only performances in the latest Songs of the Cinema week on “American Idol” that didn’t give me the itch to check my Facebook or make me want to go wash dishes were the Crystal-Lee and Michael-Casey duets.

I mean, even the insanity of Jamie Foxx (getting in Lee DeWyze’s face the same way he did with Danny Gokey) didn’t really faze me. That’s probably because he had already been a guest mentor WAY back in 2009’s Rat Pack Week — not to be confused with this year’s Frank Sinatra Week. Ugh! Maybe next week the top 3 will sing Songs from Frank Sinatra Movies. I wouldn’t be surprised — this season has THAT little imagination.

Lee opened the show with “Kiss From a Rose”, which was completely wrong with his voice. At least, he didn’t adapt the song at all to suit his familiar musical style and sensibility. Oh wait. The result was a karaoke performance in which he struggled to stay on pitch. Oh well, at least the ending was kinda pretty.

When Ryan teased that Big Michael Lynche would take on a Michael Jackson song, I figured it’d either be “Ben” or The “Free Wily” song. (Like anybody knows it’s actually called “Will You Be There.”) Let’s just say I wasn’t exactly shocked to learn it was the latter.

It was like almost every other Big Mike performance — exceedingly competent (even if he started too low), mildly entertaining at best, and ever-so-slightly outdated. The rest of the segment was spent on trying to explain to Simon what “Free Wily” was. (Hey Simon — it really IS just a movie about a whale.) Mostly, I was disappointed by the fact that Ellen missed a golden opportunity to bust out her “whale voice” from “Finding Nemo” when Ryan asked her to explain the movie to Simon.

It would’ve been the best thing she’s done all season. (Just in front of her crack about having ever really loved a woman.)

Casey James was up next and delivered what was supposed to be a sensitive version of “Mrs. Robinson” that mostly turned out to be sleepy, decent and only slightly goat-y. (Though not nearly as goat-y as “Blue Skies” last week.) The rest of the segment was spent on making “Kara is a cougar” jokes that were stale months ago when they were introduced.

Crystal sang the last solo of the evening by picking Kenny Loggins’ “I’m Alright” from “Caddyshack.” God bless her for forsaking the soft-rock contemporary/movie soundtrack textbook. Still, while the performance was a welcome departure and vintage Crystal, there wasn’t really any greatness or the go-for-the-crown gusto the judges have demanded from her the past few weeks.

Then again, she probably got a pass thanks to her part in the night’s best musical performance, her duet of “Falling Slowly” with Lee (her MUSICAL crush).

I mean, how could they not pair these two (front-runners) up, right? While the original version of the song is probably lovelier and daintier, I liked the edge Lee and Crystal’s vocals brought to the song, which has been good to the contestants on the show for the second straight year. (Kris Allen sang it during last season’s Whatever We’re Calling Movie Week This Season week.)

The second best performance of the evening came from Casey and Michael who serenaded the audience with their take on “Have you Ever Really Loved a Woman.”

Ok, so part of the enjoyment of this performance came from the unintentional comedy of watching the two dudes struggle to NOT sing the song to each other. Still, after Casey struggled a bit with his opening verse (and a semi-ghastly falsetto note toward the end), Big Mike took over with a confident vocal, lifting the performance and convincing me that Casey was going home.

Casey seemed content just singing the harmony part and has generally been giving off an “I don’t want to be here anymore” air these last few weeks.

But what’d you think of this episode? Why is Jamie Foxx so crazy? Which contestants got an “Artist” T-shirt, and which got a “Contestant” shirt? (None of “The Soloists” — see what I did there? — deserved an “Artist” shirt.) Finally, who do you think is going home? I’m predicting Casey will go home — I’m also predicting a bottom 2 appearance from Crystal.