Dancing with the Stars: Perfect Paso

The worst anybody did on the semifinal episode of “Dancing with the Stars” was “pretty damn good” (hi, Chad), so what more can you ask for?

Conventional wisdom has Nicole and Evan as virtual locks for the finale, and slightly less conventional wisdom has Erin as somewhat of a lock for the third spot. However, I have to give Chad credit for coming out and making the race for that third spot at least a little bit of a question mark. (I mean, he came in fourth in the judges’ leader board last night, but still…)

Enough chatter about next week’s finale. Let’s talk about last night’s semifinal, which featured some truly EXCELLENT dancing as each of the celebs took on a ballroom and Latin dance. Here’s how they did, in order of appearance:

Erin Andrews and Maks: Except for some slightly clunky footwork and a mild stumble, Erin’s show-opening Viennese waltz was absolutely lovely. However, all of that was overshadowed by two words: WALTZ PANTS. I mean…wow. As if that wasn’t crazy enough, Bruno raised his 10 paddle, despite the fact that he’d actually given the dance a 9. (We all knew he hadn’t REALLY given the dance a 10 because he didn’t triumphantly pump his fist in the air when he announced the score, as is his custom.)

After a profile (Tampa’s in the house!) that mentioned Erin’s stalker (I thought it was weird that they waited until NOW to mention that nasty business) and featured her dad Steve Andrews (I’d JUST seen his work during a News Channel 8 presentation on Monday morning), Erin performed a paso doble that was leg-tastic and thoroughly over scored. (10’s — really?!) Erin’s solo work was actually terrific, but there was too much of side-by-side action in my opinion, which meant she wasn’t connected (literally) to Maks for most of the dance.

All that being said, she did more than enough to earn a spot in the finals. Whether she has the fanbase (or a fanbase bigger than Chad’s) to get her there, is another question.

Nicole Scherzinger and Derek: Ok, so a few weeks ago I balked at Carrie Ann’s claim that Nicole was the best dancer this show had ever seen. After seeing her and Derek’s Argentine tango, Carrie Ann’s statement looks considerably less ludicrous.

Not only did Nicole match an ailing Derek move-for-move (his neck was injured throughout rehearsal), but the dance was a hot, spectacular show-stopper. Their lifts, in particular, were simultaneously fierce yet executed so expertly that it looked as if Nicole didn’t weigh a thing.

I was only slightly less impressed with Nicole’s purple, Prince-inspired cha cha cha. I actually felt a bit like Len in that I didn’t feel like the dance delivered enough actual cha cha cha. On the other hand, there was plenty of chair dancing — (c)Hairography?! Still, it was all worth it just so I could spy Bruno’s absolutely delighted reaction to the end of this routine. When Derek spanked Nicole’s butt and then turned her around into a dip, Bruno threw his hands up as if he couldn’t believe that had just happened. Watching someone having as much fun as Bruno is fun for all of us!

Chad Ochocinco and Cheryl: I felt like I almost heard an audible gulp from Chad when the camera panned to him after Nicole’s perfect Argentine tango, as if to say, “I have to follow THAT?!”

To his credit, Chad delivered two of his best dances of the season. He started with a waltz that featured his best posture of the season and a likely makeout session at the end of the routine. After that, I think I actually liked his samba more than the judges did. Bruno was right to point out that the party atmosphere was missing, but I thought his technique (save for his semi-tragic solo) was underrated.

Chad REALLY needed to outperform Erin to legitimately earn a spot in next week’s finals. Viewer votes might still get him there, but if that happens, he’ll be looked at as the most questionable finalist since Marie Osmond (or maybe Kelly Osbourne).

Evan Lysacek (pictured, left) and Anna: Apparently Evan is a very serious guy, but nothing makes him happier than pictures of his nephew on his phone (well, that and coffee).

I don’t know whether he was genuinely happy or faking it, but his foxtrot was an absolute delight that I might’ve awarded with a 30. (If anything, it was a bit TOO smiley, threatening to spill over into creepy territory.)

That all turned out to be a prelude to his Evanescence-flavored paso doble with Anna, one of the best dances of the season/the history of the show. I LOVED everything about it. I LOVED the power, the attitude, the technique, the solo (the best of the evening), the killing of Anna at the end. Just FANTASTIC.

Evan ended the night tied with Nicole atop the leader board. If they were to face off in the finals, it would probably make for the most technically spectacular final in the show’s run.

So what’d you think of this episode? Were you as mesmerized by the waltz pants? (I’m kinda digging it.) Whose perfect 30 dance was better — Nicole’s Argentine tango or Evan’s paso doble? (Don’t make me choose!) Finally, is there any way Chad sneaks into the finals?