Desperate Housewives: Laugh Riot

Whether it’s a plane crash, a tornado, a supermarket shooting or a nightclub fire, “Desperate Housewives” knows how to finish the calendar year with style.

I’m excited to announce that we can now add “Teri Hatcher getting her stomach trampled on” to that pantheon!

I joke, but the latest annual Wister Lane catastrophe was an impressively chaotic calamity. Most importantly, this year’s disaster — a violent riot — actually had strong thematic ties to the rest of the season. (As opposed to, say, that tornado that came out of nowhere.)

We’ve known all along that Paul Young’s plan was to destroy his former neighborhood. We learned recently just now he planned to do it: by snatching up almost enough property on Wisteria Lane to build a halfway house (and send the neighborhood’s value plummeting), Paul made everyone paranoid and suspicious that someone else would sell him their house and allow him to succeed.

That paranoia allowed Paul to trick Lee into selling him his house by convincing him that Frau Farbissina (whose character’s name is actually the no-less ridiculous “Mitzy Kinski”) had already done so. (It has NOT been a good couple of weeks for Lee.)

The general feeling of uneasiness also led Lynette to seek out the help of the nearby Hydrangea Circle Homeowners’ Association, an organization that was clearly put together just so they could intimidate and beat people up with baseball bats. They may not have started the riot — which took place as the mayor of Fairview was honoring Paul for his halfway house — but they certainly helped instigate it.

The turning point in the riot seemed to come after Lee was bopped in the head with a bottle as he was violently dragged out of his car. Lynette ran over and bellowed, “Stop it — HE’S MY NEIGHBOR!” in a heavy-handed way/significant way that only worked because Felicity Huffman is a great actress.

Lynette ran over to Lee’s aid after she tried to blame Paul for the riot. Paul coolly replied that he and his ex-con buddies weren’t the ones tearing apart the neighborhood.

I’m thoroughly enjoying how much Paul is thoroughly enjoying being evil this season. That’s why I’m hoping the bullet he took to his chest at the end of the episode wasn’t fatal. Also, I REALLY hope the show’s producers don’t try to turn “Who shot Paul Young?” into “Who shot J.R.?” (It’s not even as big as “Who shot Mr. Burns?”)

Of course, that’s just one of several mysteries heading into next year.

Another big question (besides, “Why is Mike putting boobs on a snowman?”) is what will Lynette do when she finds out Renee is still pining for her husband Tom? (Notice, I didn’t say “if” she finds out.) Last week, Renee drunkenly confessed her feelings to Susan, and this week Susan spilled the beans to Tom and suggested that he convince Renee to move out of the block.

Since Vanessa Williams just got to this party, we knew that wasn’t going to happen. She tried to confront Susan at the neighborhood rally, but the two eventually got separated when a mass of humanity carried Susan away, eventually leading her to get trampled. We all know Teri Hatcher’s not going anywhere, so it was hard to get invested into whether or not she was going to be alright.

I’m not so sure whether Juanita and Gabby are going to be all right.

Juanita discovered that the reason Gabby had been crying so often was because Grace is her biological daughter. Juanita had found a letter Gabby had written to Grace (at Lynette’s suggestion) shoved Gabby hard (do we think Madison de la Garza outweighs Eva Longoria Parker?) and temporarily ran away from home. She took refuge in Bob and Lee’s car, which was pretty much the worst place she could go seeing as how Lee was Public Enemy #1.

Gabby (and Carlos) quickly came to her rescue, but it’s hard to feel for Gabby at this point. She’s been a HORRIBLE mother lately, both to Grace (trying to have Carmen arrested last week before having a change of heart) and to Juanita (by ignoring her daughter in favor or her mini-me Grace).

Then again, the person who technically incited the riot was Bree, who fired a gunshot in the air to break up a fight between Keith, his dad, and the fools who’d mistaken Keith for a con. (That’s what he gets for wearing those wifebeaters all the time.)

Keith tried to propose again at the top of the episode, but Bree still wasn’t ready to commit. Instead, she suggested they move in together. Keith seemed ok with this until his evil dad (who wants Bree to himself) messed with his head and led the couple to breakup. Keith’s dad made his move later on after “saving” Bree from a convict who’d wandered into her home. (For the record, Keith’s dad’s advancements were no less creepy than the ex-cons.)

Things don’t look great for the long-term prospects of Bree and Keith (especially with Orson apparently popping back up), but that’s one of the issues we have to look forward to in 2011. Overall, I’m pretty happy with my decision to start watching this show again.

So what’d you think of this episode? Who do you think shot Paul Young? (Lee, who owns a gun, seems the obvious choice.) When do you think Grace will be back in the picture? Finally, how much do you think Juanita can bench press?