I generally consider myself to be a pretty positive guy. I try to look on the bright side of things.
So allow me to apologize upfront for what’s going to be an extremely negative “American Idol” recap because I hated pretty much everything about last night’s episode.
How much did I hate the latest episode of “American Idol”? Let me count the ways:
- I hate that “American Idol’ is probably the greenest show on TV seeing as how they recycled yet another theme last night. Good job guys! We hadn’t had a “Songs From the Movies” night (not to be confused with “Songs from the Cinema”) since…a little less than a year ago.
- I hate that I have to keep complaining about the lack of new themes in this column.
- I hated that the “Rob Reiner, Hank Azaria and Elvira walk into an ‘American Idol’ taping” joke didn’t really have a punchline.
- I hate that will.i.am wasn’t paired with mentor/record mogul Jimmy Iovine earlier this year. Will doesn’t necessarily say anything extremely illuminating, but at least he’s entertaining and, more importantly, has a way of bringing out Iovine’s cranky/intense side, which have made the mentoring sessions slightly more interesting.
- I hated Paul McDonald’s version of “Old Time Rock and Roll” before he hit the bottom of the staircase at the start of his performance. It’s not that he can’t do high energy — I thought he pulled that off quite well last week — it’s that Paul (pictured, left) sounded REALLY bad last night and reverted back to his most annoying performance instincts.
- I hate that I’ve been forced to create the nickname Lauren “B+” Alaina for a singer who seems like she should be great, but never ever delivers an “A” peformance. Picking “The Climb” was smart because there’s a great chance that she was going to sound better than Miley Cyrus (which she did), but I ultimately felt underwhelmed by her solid performance. She never seems as interesting when she’s singing as she does when she’s being interviewed, during rehearsal, etc.
- I hated that the show tried to make is seem like Boyz II Men’s “End of the Road” was made popular by the movie “Boomerang,” Blondie’s “Call Me” was popularized by “American Gigolo” and “Bridge Over Troubled Water” was made popular by “The Pursuit of Happyness.” Oh wait, I thought it was hilariously awful, but I didn’t hate it.
- I hate that Stefano Langone seems like he is forced to physically will himself into “feeling” the songs he sings…and it never quite works. I also hate that he has his eyes closed roughly 40 percent of the time when he sings. All of this is a shame because he has a good voice. (On the other hand, I DO give him credit for boldly picking a song called “End of the Road” after almost going home last week.)
- I hate that Scotty McCreery backed out of doing “Everybody’s Talkin’” from “Midnight Cowboy” in favor of going back to his country roots — when did he abandon them?! — and singing a decent version of George Strait’s “I Cross My Heart.” Phew! Something interesting almost happened there for a minute…that was a close call!
- I hated the first half of Casey Abrams’ take on Nat King Cole’s “Nature Boy” from “The Boy with Green Hair” (but, really, “Moulin Rouge”). The close-up camera angle and the return to his creepy/growly tendencies did him no favors. That being said, the jazziness of the second half almost won me back. Almost. At least he didn’t sing “In the Air Tonight.” Singing a song that’s best known for a drum solo would’ve probably been a mistake.
- I hate that it really seemed like Casey cleared his throat right into the microphone in the middle of his song, but that the judges didn’t really say anything.
- I hate that watching 2011 Most Beautiful Woman in the World Jennifer Lopez — SO much more beautiful this year than she was last year when her music and movie career were in the tank — in HD is the only reason to not fast forward through the judges’ comments.
- I hated that the one person the judges actually criticized was my girl Haley.
- I hated that Haley Reinhart spent so much of her time during “Call Me” yelling, instead of showcasing her terrific voice. I did like her stained glass window dress.
- I hate that every Jacob Lusk performance is basically the same (overdone, often off-key), but — unlike other contestants (RIP Pia) — he never gets any grief for it. That being said, that final note WAS pretty sick.
- Like Jimmy, I also hate when someone who hasn’t sold a single record gets preachy with me. (Though, to be fair, I also hated it when someone who’s sold 10 million records gets preachy with me.)
- I hate that Jacob completely backed down when he wanted to do “The Impossible Dream”, but Jimmy foisted “Bridge Over Troubled Water.” I actually felt a little sad at the end of the rehearsal package watching Jacob try to talk himself into the song: “It’s a really great song…I hope America likes it.” That’s a really far cry from his incredibly preachy/arrogant comments last week. We could only see him from the neck up when he was talking, but I’m assuming his tail was tucked between his legs.
- Finally, I hated that…no wait a minute…I actually REALLY liked James Durbin’s “Heavy Metal” performance. Sure, the music’s not my favorite, but James was clearly having a blast on stage (so I had more fun at home), and I like that he stuck to his guns even though Jimmy openly hated the song. At least will.i.am had his back.
So what’d you think of this episode? How much did you hate my gimmick for this column? (I understand, but I REALLY hated this episode, so I had to vent.) Finally, who do you think is going home? I’m just going to pick Stefano from here on out until he goes home, because there’s no way the dude can win (right?!) so I’m guessing he’ll be exiting sooner rather than later.
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