Do we really need theme weeks on “Dancing with the Stars”?
Between the dancing, the laughably-bad singing from the band, the insane judges, the delusional celebrities, and the PG-13 nudity…isn’t there already enough stuff happening on this show?
I bring this up because I thought Americana week was pretty much a complete disaster.
Yes, I’m the same guy who raved about Classical Week last time out, so I’m basically a giant hypocrite. (“Theme weeks are terrible…unless I enjoy the theme!”) I like America and I like “Dancing with the Stars”, so what went wrong?
My biggest problem was that the costumes and song choices forced upon the couples this week often clashed horribly with the style of dance they were asked to do.
Don’t believe me? Let’s run down last night’s episode, in order of appearance, starting with…
Ralph Macchio and Karina: Ralph actually summed it up perfectly when he noted that this dance would feature a New Yorker and a Ukrainian performing a Brazilian party dance/two-step to “Sweet Home Alabama.” Why, that’s just crazy enough to work! Except that it didn’t. At all. Besides how crazy it was, I think Ralph reverted to his over-the-top tendencies that make him look crazy when he dances. I also felt like he was going to fall over at any second. Overall, not a great start to this episode and an unfortunate sign of things to come.
Chris Jericho and Cheryl Burke: Not all of last night’s episode was terrible. In fact, I thought Jericho’s Viennese waltz was actually quite beautiful, even though I think there are still too many moments in his routines where he stands there while Cheryl dances around him. I’d give Chris his much-desired 8 for his waltz…and a 9 for his Len Goodman impersonation. Speaking of Len, where did his comment about Cheryl’s boobs/Rocky Mountains come from? She’s hardly the first pro to let it all hang out. Is he just now noticing?!
Petra Nemcova and Dmitry: I like to think that Elvis Presley is up in heaven (assuming he’s dead) and waiting for the death of the advertising genius who decided to turn “Viva Las Vegas” into “Viva Viagra”…so he can pummel the guy in the afterlife. Oh yeah, Petra. She’s such an insanely nice person — saying how grateful she is for all her opportunities in America — that I actually feel bad for knocking her wobbly, forgettable quickstep.
Romeo and Chelsie: I thought Romeo’s foxtrot was absolutely delightful. The problem was that it veered a bit too much into a Macchio-esque wildness at certain points. Most importantly, Rome FINALLY seems to be getting into the silly spirit of this show. Romeo also proudly announced that he’d officially outlasted his infamous dad on “Dancing with the Stars”, which led me to wonder…Master P lasted FOUR weeks?!?!
Hines Ward and Kym: Over the last two weeks I feel like he’s being a tad over scored because of the lack of a clear frontrunner. (Somebody’s gotta be in first place!) There’s also the fact that he’s just so damn likable. Although I thought he did a better job this week than last (he has the best hip action out of any celeb this year…including the ladies) I didn’t think their rumba was very sexy. But that probably has more to do with the wildly inappropriate song and Kym’s insane dress than Hines and Kym.
Kirstie Alley and Maksim: The DWTS wardrobe person must REALLY hate Kirstie Alley. I’m perfectly ok with the fact that she’s a little bigger, but her bell-bottomed/top with the sheer tummy outfit for “American Woman” didn’t do her (or anybody at home watching) any favors. Even though her routine was not a foxtrot by any stretch of the imagination, Kirstie danced it well and, more importantly, got through it without any mishaps. All credit must go to Dance Doctor John Travolta, who was more charming in his cameo than he has been in his last few movies.
Kendra Wilkinson and Louis (pictured, right): The predictable “I really DO care about this ridiculous show” mea culpa from Kendra played out exactly as you’d expect. Well, maybe not, since Kendra still seemed overly perturbed by Carrie Ann’s observation that Kendra is afraid of acting elegant on the dance floor. (I agree.) It’s no accident that her best dance was the sexy rumba. Kendra danced pretty well. The problem was that her “Yankee Doodle Foxtrot” was the dorkiest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life. And I’ve seen every episode of this show! (Also, I’m a GIANT dork.)
Chelsea Kane and Mark: It’s probably just me, but it still feels like Mark is trying to outshine his partner when he dances. It’s one thing for one of the pros to over dance when their celeb stinks and they have to overcompensate, but Chelsea’s actually REALLY good, so, of course, Mark has to look even better. Ugh. Anyway, their samba WAS really clean and the best dance of the night. It’s no accident that Chelsea’s hip action was much improved from her cha cha a few weeks ago.
So what’d you think of this episode? Will Ralph ever give Bruno sex? Am I the only one who can’t hear “Viva Las Vegas” without thinking “Viva Viagra”? Finally, who do you think is going home? (The conventional wisdom is probably Kendra…but I’m going to go with Petra.)
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