NFL Preview: NFC South

Now that every team has played one game during the NFL Ripoff Season, I mean Preseason (honestly, they charge people full price to watch glorified practice...we're talkin' about practice...and season-ticket holders have no choice but to pay this...I'm not even a season-ticket holder and I'm outraged!)

What the hell was I even saying? Oh yeah, I've decided that it's time to start on my yearly NFL Preview for the upcoming season. And by "yearly," I really just mean "second."

I'm going to break this thing down by division, starting with the one nearest and dearest to my heart (and nearest and dearest geographically), the NFC South. Breakdowns of the other divisions will follow between now and...sometime before the season starts...I hope. I'm a huge slacker. For example, I'm going to be predicting records for each team and I'm not even going to bother and check whether they're mathematically possible and symmetrical with each team's schedule (too much work, and I'd rather let someone smarter than me do that). I mean, it's not like I'm going to be predicting 15 wins for four teams, so I think it'll be fine.

All right, let's get this party started!

NFC South

1. Carolina (10-6)
2. New Orleans (9-7)
3. Atlanta (5-11)
4. Tampa Bay (4-12)

Carolina Panthers: They had an off-year last season, and recent history says every time the Panthers have an off year they come roaring back the following season like the fearsome felines they are.

Maybe they just couldn't handle the pressure of being THE trendy Super Bowl pick. In fact, yeah, I'm pretty sure that was it. Sure, they had some injuries (but so does EVERY NFL team, so unless it's a catastrophic injury, that'll never be used as an excuse in this column), but this team still played pretty poorly last year. Jake Delhomme particularly went in toilet last year. He had some injuries (oh wait, that's no excuse!) but to me, he's always been a little too wild for my taste and he's gotten a little lucky. Last year it finally caught up with him.

This year, the Panthers have David Carr, who is a terrific upgrade over 57-year-old Chris Weinke, in case Delhomme starts to go in the tank again. They still have a great running game, a coach who could be fighting for his job (and seems to be liked by his players), Steve Smith, one of the most dynamic players in the league, and a solid defense that, while not as dominant as before, is still led by the best defensive player in the league, Julius Peppers (pictured, left). I expect them to bounce back and win the division.

New Orleans Saints: I like the Saints and I loved watching their success last year in their first season back in New Orleans following the devastation by Hurricane Katrina. You'd have to be a heartless bastard not to.

They still have a very good offense and a decent, but unspectacular defense. They didn't make any significant changes in the off-season (and why would they, since they were one game away from the Super Bowl) and I expect Reggie Bush (pictured, right) to have a bigger impact this year now that he has a feel for the league. He got a lot of hype last year, but he was merely ok, and we only saw flashes of his talent (although the first of those flashes naturally came against the Bucs).

So why don't I have them repeating in their division? Because this year they will sneak up on absolutely no one. This year they have the attention of every team they play. Finally, though the still-devastated city of New Orleans loves its Saints, I don't think the home crowd will be able to carry them to home victories quite the same way they did last year.

Still, I expect them to grab one of the wild card spots and be back in the playoffs.

Atlanta Falcons: Ok, ok, so apparently something happened to their original starting quarterback Michael Vick. You may have heard about it. (that's another column for another day) With Vick likely gone for the season while he possibly faces a federal trial on dog-fighting charges, why don't I have the Falcons going 0-16? He's their best player and one of the best in the league right?

Look, I never liked Michael Vick(pictured, left). And that was before I found out that he's the proprietor of a truly revolting activity like dogfighting...allegedly. He just always struck me as a fool. He had all the physical ability in the world, but it seems to me like he never took the time to become a good NFL quarterback. He just thought he would outrun everybody.

Even though the Falcons foolishly traded promising backup Matt Schaub away RIGHT before the trouble with Vick started (oops!), I firmly believe the Falcons would've been better off without him anyway.

Not that Joey Harrington is the answer. I mean, he's still Joey Harrington, so I see this team topping out at around 5 wins. But I personally think they're going to band together because of all the off-the field controversy, play hard and be more competitive in each of their games than anyone might expect. It helps when you have a good defense (which they do) and a good running game (they have two good backs, who will suffer without Vick being there, but they're still good backs) because that's what football's all about. The Falcons and their fans should join me in saying "good riddance" to Michael Vick.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Ah, such conflicting emotions about my favorite team. Yes, they got Jeff Garcia in the offseason (along with 22 other QBs) and he IS the best fit for this team and Jon Gruden's offense this year. That'd be all fine and dandy if the Bucs had a shot at going to the Super Bowl and Jeff Garcia was the guy that put them over the top, but the truth of the matter is that even if Jeff Garcia IS the difference, the best this team can still do is probably a first-round playoff loss.

Garcia is a good player, but he's 37 and he's not any kind of long-term solution and his signing reeks of Jon Gruden's desperation to save his job (the Bucs long-term ability to compete be damned!) Did I mention that he's 37? I expect him to be injured around game 7 (the Bucs offensive line is nowhere near as good as Garcia's Eagles line last year) and then we'll be screwed, although Luke McCown HAS looked good in the preseason and might actually be the future. But we'll never know because Gruden is too busy trying to save his job.

They drafted defensive end Gaines Adams, finally adding some young talent to the defense (they have SOME young players, but not so much on the talent), but it's too late. The defense isn't really good enough to win anything this year.

Also, Cadillac Williams is looking more and more like a one-year wonder. What the hell happened to that guy? So, to summarize we won't be able to run the ball, we won't be able to defend, and our QB will be out by game 7.

I hate to be the guy that roots against his own team, but a small part of me kinda hopes the Bucs go in the tank so they can already fire Gruden (pictured, right). The guy is supposed to be some sort of offensive genius, but all he's done is waste draft picks and free agent signings on the offensive side of the ball, while consistently producing one of the league's lower-ranked offenses. Meanwhile, the defense got old and wasn't able to clean up after the offense anymore. There's all that, and the fact that his players seem to hate him (seriously, ask Simeon Rice, Keyshawn Johnson, Keenan McCardell, or anyone else how they feel about the guy).

So, in short, if we win, we won't be good enough to make any real noise and I'll probably have to put up with Gruden for another season or two. If we lose, then we, you know, suck! Woo hoo! Bucs Fever! Catch it!