This...is the first of what’s sure to be many, MANY “American Idol” recaps over the next few months.
That number would be even higher if I ever decided to recap the (time-wasting, soul-ravaging) results shows. Still, I don’t even pretend like I’m not going to get sucked into “American Idol”-mania. You know who you are, and you know that if you tune in for a few minutes you’re in for the rest of the season.
Heck, I was already in, but the opening montage of the show’s greatest (and not so much) moments got me surprisingly excited all over again. It’s a good thing too because these audition episodes can be an absolute chore to write about.
I mean, the audition episodes are usually (un)evenly divided between the good singers and the train wrecks, with a lot of fluff video packages thrown in (though I’ll give the producers credit for the entertaining fluff video packages last night). What am I going to tell you about the singers who suck? The judges know they suck, and we usually know they’re going to suck before they even open their mouths. The only people who don’t know they suck are the deluded fools themselves. On the other hand, if a singer is good, there’s always a slight chance that they may not turn out to be a favorite of the producers, which leads to a very good, infuriating chance that we’ll never seen that person again.
So I personally hope for extremes. Since I know the producers are never going to show mostly good singers, I want the few talented Idol-wannabes to be amazing. On that same token, I want the train wrecks to be ESPECIALLY train wrecky (like the one from “The Fugitive”, for example).
By those standards, last night’s season 8 premiere in Arizona was a bit of a letdown. Sure, there were several memorable moments (and a new judge to introduce), but I didn’t really see anyone who was a shoo-in for the top 12. On the bright side, the show didn’t stoop to showcasing potentially mentally-handicapped people to score laughs.
Not unless you count potentially mentally-handicapped Ryan Seacrest asking a blind guy to give him a high-five.
Unfortunately for Ryan, that was only his second most-embarrassing moment of the night. His most embarrassing was the comical look of repulsion he had on his face after “Bikini Girl” (more on her later) made good on her promise to make out with him. (Thank you, producers for piping in “I Kissed a Girl” for Seacrest’s sake during the smooch.)
But enough about Seacrest. Let’s talk about the fairly significant change to the number 1 show on TV.
I really liked judge Kara (not Kah-ra, nor Karen) DioGuardi. I like that there’s now a seemingly-reasonable person on the panel besides Simon, who does NOT go out of his or her way to be an ass. Say what you will about Paula, but she definitely serves her good-cop, tipsy purpose on the show. Randy, predictably, remains totally useless. I don’t know if “reasonable” is the most exciting reality shot persona, but it’s only one episode, and I feel confident she’ll become the second most interesting person on the panel (not that it’s a HUGE task).
Her showdown with “Bikini Girl” (pictured, left) was the much-hyped highlight of the audition episode, and I have to say — their confrontation actually sort of delivered. Not so much the fact that Kara and “Bikini Girl” (no one cares what her real name is, right?) eventually engaged in a sing off, but the reason “Bikini Girl” felt compelled to become “Bikini Girl” in the first place.
I know a few incredibly talented people who’ve tried out for this show and never made it past the pre-screening phase. “Bikini Girl” is a mediocre-at-best singer who, despite her cockiness, probably realizes this fact and did what she needed to do to get noticed. So I’m not really mad at her. I’m more disappointed in that Simon, Randy and the rest of the producers fell for such an obvious ploy that is, fundamentally, no different than dressing up as the Statue of Liberty or a lobster. Then again, Simon knows as well as anybody that “Bikini Girl” has zero shot at advancing past Hollywood week.
Fortunately for her, there were plenty of bad singers to make her look better. My favorite’s were deep-voiced Elijah Scarlett, who received my favorite backhanded compliment of the year when Paula told him he had a voiceover career voicing monsters. I also laughed almost as much at Michael Gurr as Randy did, the only difference is I didn’t have to put a sheet of paper in front of my face to hide it.
Other failed auditioners I didn’t enjoy so much were rocker/poser Randy Madden (just desperate and sad), and the guy who called himself X-Ray (the guy had already become tiresome before Simon told him he was becoming tiresome).
Still, there were more than a few things to like. I liked Michael Sarver almost as much as the judges did, mostly because I didn’t know “roughneck” was an actual profession. Still, I fear 70 percent of his appeal as a singer is the fact that his voice is surprising for his appearance and 30 percent is actual talent. I also really liked Alex Wagner-Trugman, not so much for his singing (and his crazy eyes), but because of his great, muttered comeback when Simon made a stupid joke about Alex being more like a cocker spaniel than Joe Cocker (“that joke would’ve been funny if it made any sense”). Zing!
The inspirational story of the night was certainly the aforementioned, legally-blind Scott MacIntyre. I love that he ballroom dances and indulges Ryan Seacrest, and his rendition of Billy Joel’s “And So It Goes” is lovely, but I doubt he has the pipes to win the competition. Still, that won’t stop him (and his memorable story) from making him a contender in a few weeks.
My favorites of the evening were Emily Hughes, Cody Sheldon and Deanna Brown.
Sure, horror-movie aficionado Sheldon doesn’t have the strongest voice in the world, but he has an interesting tone (which my girlriend Erica, REALLY liked) which set him apart from the many Boyz 2 Men-sounding wannabes. Hughes delivered a strong version of Heart’s “Barracuda”, but how much of it was simply an Ann Wilson impersonation? Still, I have a feeling she’s really got the goods, which is bad news for her band, which’ll have to cancel that European tour. (How much you wanna bet we’ll see that breakup go down?)
Finally, Deanna Brown (pictured, right) won the judges over with her freakily blue eyes and a distinct (Kara is absolutely right that her voice would be instantly recognizable on the radio) version of “Sittin’ on the Dock of the Bay.” Simon asked her why she hadn’t made it before, and she answered that it hadn’t been her time and that she hadn’t gotten her chance yet. The real answer is because people in the music business like Simon are more fixated on the “Bikini Girls” of the world instead of the people with actual talent.
So what’d you think of this episode? (I thought it was a solid, if unspectacular, start to the season.) Wasn't "Bikini Girl" kind of a butter face? Did you seen anyone with top 12 potential? What’d you think of the new judge? Finally, what other potentially-insensitive things can we have Ryan Seacrest ask blind people to do? (I’m thinking he could ask them to “watch where they’re going” or throw a football at them and yell “catch!”)
That number would be even higher if I ever decided to recap the (time-wasting, soul-ravaging) results shows. Still, I don’t even pretend like I’m not going to get sucked into “American Idol”-mania. You know who you are, and you know that if you tune in for a few minutes you’re in for the rest of the season.
Heck, I was already in, but the opening montage of the show’s greatest (and not so much) moments got me surprisingly excited all over again. It’s a good thing too because these audition episodes can be an absolute chore to write about.
I mean, the audition episodes are usually (un)evenly divided between the good singers and the train wrecks, with a lot of fluff video packages thrown in (though I’ll give the producers credit for the entertaining fluff video packages last night). What am I going to tell you about the singers who suck? The judges know they suck, and we usually know they’re going to suck before they even open their mouths. The only people who don’t know they suck are the deluded fools themselves. On the other hand, if a singer is good, there’s always a slight chance that they may not turn out to be a favorite of the producers, which leads to a very good, infuriating chance that we’ll never seen that person again.
So I personally hope for extremes. Since I know the producers are never going to show mostly good singers, I want the few talented Idol-wannabes to be amazing. On that same token, I want the train wrecks to be ESPECIALLY train wrecky (like the one from “The Fugitive”, for example).
By those standards, last night’s season 8 premiere in Arizona was a bit of a letdown. Sure, there were several memorable moments (and a new judge to introduce), but I didn’t really see anyone who was a shoo-in for the top 12. On the bright side, the show didn’t stoop to showcasing potentially mentally-handicapped people to score laughs.
Not unless you count potentially mentally-handicapped Ryan Seacrest asking a blind guy to give him a high-five.
Unfortunately for Ryan, that was only his second most-embarrassing moment of the night. His most embarrassing was the comical look of repulsion he had on his face after “Bikini Girl” (more on her later) made good on her promise to make out with him. (Thank you, producers for piping in “I Kissed a Girl” for Seacrest’s sake during the smooch.)
But enough about Seacrest. Let’s talk about the fairly significant change to the number 1 show on TV.
I really liked judge Kara (not Kah-ra, nor Karen) DioGuardi. I like that there’s now a seemingly-reasonable person on the panel besides Simon, who does NOT go out of his or her way to be an ass. Say what you will about Paula, but she definitely serves her good-cop, tipsy purpose on the show. Randy, predictably, remains totally useless. I don’t know if “reasonable” is the most exciting reality shot persona, but it’s only one episode, and I feel confident she’ll become the second most interesting person on the panel (not that it’s a HUGE task).
Her showdown with “Bikini Girl” (pictured, left) was the much-hyped highlight of the audition episode, and I have to say — their confrontation actually sort of delivered. Not so much the fact that Kara and “Bikini Girl” (no one cares what her real name is, right?) eventually engaged in a sing off, but the reason “Bikini Girl” felt compelled to become “Bikini Girl” in the first place.
I know a few incredibly talented people who’ve tried out for this show and never made it past the pre-screening phase. “Bikini Girl” is a mediocre-at-best singer who, despite her cockiness, probably realizes this fact and did what she needed to do to get noticed. So I’m not really mad at her. I’m more disappointed in that Simon, Randy and the rest of the producers fell for such an obvious ploy that is, fundamentally, no different than dressing up as the Statue of Liberty or a lobster. Then again, Simon knows as well as anybody that “Bikini Girl” has zero shot at advancing past Hollywood week.
Fortunately for her, there were plenty of bad singers to make her look better. My favorite’s were deep-voiced Elijah Scarlett, who received my favorite backhanded compliment of the year when Paula told him he had a voiceover career voicing monsters. I also laughed almost as much at Michael Gurr as Randy did, the only difference is I didn’t have to put a sheet of paper in front of my face to hide it.
Other failed auditioners I didn’t enjoy so much were rocker/poser Randy Madden (just desperate and sad), and the guy who called himself X-Ray (the guy had already become tiresome before Simon told him he was becoming tiresome).
Still, there were more than a few things to like. I liked Michael Sarver almost as much as the judges did, mostly because I didn’t know “roughneck” was an actual profession. Still, I fear 70 percent of his appeal as a singer is the fact that his voice is surprising for his appearance and 30 percent is actual talent. I also really liked Alex Wagner-Trugman, not so much for his singing (and his crazy eyes), but because of his great, muttered comeback when Simon made a stupid joke about Alex being more like a cocker spaniel than Joe Cocker (“that joke would’ve been funny if it made any sense”). Zing!
The inspirational story of the night was certainly the aforementioned, legally-blind Scott MacIntyre. I love that he ballroom dances and indulges Ryan Seacrest, and his rendition of Billy Joel’s “And So It Goes” is lovely, but I doubt he has the pipes to win the competition. Still, that won’t stop him (and his memorable story) from making him a contender in a few weeks.
My favorites of the evening were Emily Hughes, Cody Sheldon and Deanna Brown.
Sure, horror-movie aficionado Sheldon doesn’t have the strongest voice in the world, but he has an interesting tone (which my girlriend Erica, REALLY liked) which set him apart from the many Boyz 2 Men-sounding wannabes. Hughes delivered a strong version of Heart’s “Barracuda”, but how much of it was simply an Ann Wilson impersonation? Still, I have a feeling she’s really got the goods, which is bad news for her band, which’ll have to cancel that European tour. (How much you wanna bet we’ll see that breakup go down?)
Finally, Deanna Brown (pictured, right) won the judges over with her freakily blue eyes and a distinct (Kara is absolutely right that her voice would be instantly recognizable on the radio) version of “Sittin’ on the Dock of the Bay.” Simon asked her why she hadn’t made it before, and she answered that it hadn’t been her time and that she hadn’t gotten her chance yet. The real answer is because people in the music business like Simon are more fixated on the “Bikini Girls” of the world instead of the people with actual talent.
So what’d you think of this episode? (I thought it was a solid, if unspectacular, start to the season.) Wasn't "Bikini Girl" kind of a butter face? Did you seen anyone with top 12 potential? What’d you think of the new judge? Finally, what other potentially-insensitive things can we have Ryan Seacrest ask blind people to do? (I’m thinking he could ask them to “watch where they’re going” or throw a football at them and yell “catch!”)
2 comments:
ugh, bikini girl pretty much is the epitome of what is wrong with this world. anyway, what's up with the double pics for your idol stories? again, don't think i didn't notice. (wearing 'the closer' mini glasses)
Tell me how you REALLY feel about "Bikini Girl."
I decided to go with the double photos because there are just SO many people in these audition episodes. Also, I JUST figured out how to do it this week without messing up the text.
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