America's Next Top Recap: Under the Sea

I go on vacation for one week, and two models disappear…AND I miss the makeover episode?

Although this week’s installment had virtually no chance of being as eventful, let’s dive in with my thoughts on roller coasters, male models and aquatic life:

- But first — let’s talk about last week’s episode really quickly.

I’m glad Terra got the ax (Debbie Downer thought she was depressing), and I’m glad her whiny butt got stuck with a haircut she hates. I didn’t really agree with Sara’s ouster. To me Lexie’s fallen angel picture was worse, and Sara was more memorable/had more potential. (The bleached/apparent lack of eyebrows was compelling!) Then again, I should’ve known Sara was going home because whenever they show someone talking about how much they miss their kids, it usually means they’re going to be joining them soon.

Also, Kayla’s shock of red hair makeover is the best one this show has done in years. True story.

- Ms. J and Nigel presented this week’s challenge, which was for the girls to convey a specific emotion or idea while riding a rollercoaster.

Though the purpose of the challenge is loosely helpful at best (I get it — it teaches them how to model under extraordinary circumstances), it was still completely ridiculous, which is perfectly fine for this show.

- Speaking of completely ridiculous, why did Ms. J use a marker to draw thick fake eyebrows over his real ones?

- Anyway, though Liz deserves credit for pulling that smile, I think she was very lucky to draw “relatable/catalog.” Pretty much everyone else looked like a windswept freak, no matter what they were trying to convey.

- The reward for Liz and two friends (Kayla and shell-shocked, roller coaster-phobic Chris) was a photo shoot with Tyra and a tea party afterwards. To be honest, I spent most of my time wondering why Tyra let the show’s editors make her look like a food-hogging pig.

- Back at the house, the entire house turned on Kacey. And, no, it wasn’t because of the lame “mixer” she threw with the male models — it was because Lexie confronted her and told Kacey that no one liked her.

Here’s my take (which, I’m guessing, is why you’re here): I don’t think Kacey is particularly horrible (or even that bad). She’s certainly not as outright beastly as past contestants. As my gf Erica pointed out, she just seems more like an irritating priss than anything — I don’t know that she deserved to have the whole house turn against her.

- So, apparently: Matthew Rolston = Matthew Broderick + Nathan Lane.

- Rolston, pretty much the only photographer whose name I would recognize, shot the girls for this week’s challenge in which they were underwater goddesses posing with various aquatic life. The shoot went MUCH better this week after last week’s disaster.

- I liked that Rolston was really hands-on (even if he came off a bit brutal in describing the girls’ flaws), but aren’t the modeltestants supposed to figure their poses by themselves?

- Liz’s rep as a “pain in the butt” continued to grow after she complained about her contact lenses. Two things: 1.) I enjoyed the mini-montage of Mr. Jay being exasperated with her on past shoots. 2.) How about taking the f---ing contacts out?!

- Was Chelsey really to blame for her horrible, drag queen makeup? (Wouldn’t the makeup artist have done that to her?)

- My favorite pictures: Esther, Ann, Lexie. Esther (pictured, left) looked as stunning as any golden age Hollywood star and this would’ve been the perfect time to give someone other than Ann a win. Instead, Ann won top photo honors for the third week in a row, ensuring an inevitable backlash/collapse. (Here’s hoping that doesn’t happen.) Lexie’s elvish thing actually worked for her here.

-Least favorite pics: Kacey, Liz and Rhianna. I have no idea why the judges flipped out for Kacey’s froggy, no neck photo (Tyra dinged Jane for not having a neck). To make the totally superficial black girl comparison, Kendal’s was MUCH better.

- The bottom two this week was comprised of Liz and Rhianna. I never really warmed up to Rhianna’s hippy-dippy vibe, but I was still surprised she was sent packing over the more mannish looking and “difficult” Liz. I think Rhianna is a more skilled model, but I’m not outraged that Liz — with her hard-scrabble story — got to stay. She just needs to zip it during future photo shoots.

So what’d you think of this episode? Are male models really THAT uninteresting? Finally, if you were at a tea party with Tyra and she was hogging all the carrot raisin bread, would you speak up and try to wrestle some away? (I’d want no part of that fight.)

Glee: Brittany and Britney

I really need to recap something that’s not a reality show – why not “Glee”?

Now, despite the fact that I’ve seen every episode, I’m not what you’d call a “Gleek.” I actually think the show is flat-out HORRENDOUS just as often as it achieves greatness. But that’s to be expected from a show that takes chances, is highly-stylized, and, for better or worse, is unlike anything else currently on TV. (At least till the inevitable “Glee” ripoffs start showing up.)

I was really happy with my decision for the first 20 or so minutes.

Coming in, I cared less about the fact that this was the “Britney Spears” episode and more about the idea that the show would focus on dim-bulb cheerleader Brittany, who pretty much makes me laugh out loud every time she speaks.

Things got off to a very promising start when, after Kurt insisted the glee club perform Britney Spears songs, Brittany objected and revealed that her full name is Brittany S. Pierce and that she resented living in Britney’s shadow all these years. (Bonus points for Santana’s “Leave Brittany alone!”)

In fact, the only thing I didn’t like about the episode was, um, EVERYTHING ELSE.

Has there been a worse lead character on a half-decent show than Will Schuester? (He’s picked up the crown Meredith Grey dropped a couple of years ago and wears it proudly on his ridiculous hair.) When he’s not being weak – when he feuds with Sue, I probably shouldn’t be rooting for her, but I always am – he’s being selfish and pathetic like he was tonight.

John Stamos made his debut tonight as Dr. Carl, Emma’s new dentist boyfriend. (Stamos was fine. Decent comedic timing and he nailed the role’s most important requirement – being really handsome.) So, of course, Will decides that he wants Emma back and tells Dr. Carl straight-up that’s he’s going to steal her back.

Oh wait, this show is called “Glee”, so I should discuss his scenes with the glee club, where he was stubbornly, inexplicably insisting that they couldn’t do Britney Spears songs and tried to force the club to sing Christopher Cross. (I get that it was supposed to be a geeky choice, but come on writers! Throw Matthew Morrison a bone!) And this is a guy I’m supposed to be rooting for.

He sucks so much, that I was actually really happy to see Terri pop up for a minute.

Unfortunately, Rachel (the show’s other main character) is challenging him for the Most Unlikable character.

I get that she’s SUPPOSED to be a neurotic and selfish character, but it’d be nice to get more reminders as to why we’re supposed to like her. Last week it was sending Sunshine Corazon to a crack house to avoid competition. This week, she made Finn choose between her and football (something he loves doing) because she was insecure about him regaining her status and losing him. “Glee” has always been really good at coming up with funny lines, but much less good at stuff like pace and plotting. Now they’re in danger of having the audience turn on the two characters that actually drive the show.

All that, plus Sue Sylvester and her fire alarm pulling seemed oddly shoe-horned into this week’s ep.

Then again, that’s what happens when you try to fit a story around the songs you’re going to use, instead of the other way around. The “everyone is hallucinating under anesthesia” conceit got redundant in a hurry!

Speaking of the songs, let’s wrap up by breaking down and grading the evening’s musical numbers.

“I’m a Slave 4 U”…A

We knew Heather Morris was a terrific dancer and her singing…was at least as good as Britney Spears’. I enjoyed the iconic Britney music video outfits (even as I hated myself for recognizing them). More importantly, Morris was hot-to-the-touch sexy and it was thrilling seeing her get her big breakout solo moment on the show. (Also, I’m fairly sure I saw Mark Kanemura from “So You Think You Can Dance” in this number and…)

“Me Against the Music”…B

Nice to see Brittany AND Santana in the spotlight, but I don’t care for the song, and the lead-up to the musical number already started to feel forced…I mean, even more forced than usual for this show. Hey, it’s the real Britney making a cameo!

“…Baby One More Time”…A-

Britney Spears breakout video - and I like how director Ryan Murphy recreated some shots from the iconic video for the episode. Lea Michele looked terrific and can obviously sing better than Britney, plus the outfit and sequence (gasp!) actually carried over to the episode’s “plot” when Rachel decided to dress sexier. The only problem is that I already think Rachel dresses sexy.

“Stronger”…D-

I hated everything about it. By this time, the hallucinogen device was COMPLETELY played out. I hate how they ALWAYS overproduce Artie’s (Kevin McHale’s) voice. (Everyone else only get their vocals overproduced most of the time). I hate him trying to get “stronger” to get on the football team. (I realize this show is about achieving what people say you can’t do, but you CANNOT play football if you’re in a wheelchair. You just can’t – sorry if that makes me an asshole.) Finally, I hate the storyline of him trying to get Tina back. (He apparently WAS a terrible boyfriend, so why should I want them back together?) The only reason I don’t give it an F is because the dancing football players reminded me of the “Single Ladies” number.

“Toxic” A-.

I liked the arrangement and choreography so much that it overcame the fact that the number was really about Mr. Schuester creepily trying to win Emma back by dancing sexily with his students. Also, they’re getting a lot of mileage out of Josh Sussman’s Rachel-obsessed Jacob this year!

“The Only Exception”…B+.

My sources inform me this isn’t a Britney Spears song. Besides its inclusion being completely, bafflingly random, I like the song and Michele knocked it out of the park.

So what’d you think of this episode? Was this the sexiest episode of “Glee”? (I’m going with a “Won’t Be Fooled Again”-style “YEEEAAAAHHHH!!!”) How in the hell could Mr. Schue afford a Corvette? (I guess the club’s budgetary concerns from last week are a thing of the past.) Which Britney song do you wish they'd included? Finally, can someone recommend a really manly show for me to recap? (I mean, “Dancing with the Stars”…“Project Runway”…“Top Model”…and now “Glee”?! HEEEELLLLPPP!!!)

Dancing with the Stars: In the Doghouse

I realize that I missed the show’s return last week – would I have scheduled a vacation during TV premiere week if I knew I was going to be away from a television when all my favorite shows came back? Discuss – but when did “Dancing with the Stars” become political.

Well, not really.

Even though I laughed out loud when the camera cut to Tom with Sarah Palin a moment after Jennifer Grey and Brooke Burke wondered aloud why there was booing in the ballroom, the whole thing ended up coming off as tacky.

I’m not someone who would ever be confused with a Sarah Palin fan, but the incident ultimately left a bad taste in my mouth. This is “Dancing with the Stars”! We’re all here to have fun, and the only booing I should hear is the reflexive booing that follows the mildest of criticisms.

Besides, where the hell was all this booing for Kate Gosselin last season?

Enough about that, let’s talk about how the couples did with the jive and quickstep, in order of appearance.

Rick Fox and Cheryl: Rick Fox delivered a solid jive that actually got better as it went along, but the main thing I learned about him is that he’s a “tush” man. (Will “tush” be the new “juicy” as far as words that are written on women’s butts?) I also learned that Rick Fox has a torn tendon in his foot, but he’s going to play through it because Larry Bird told him that “pros play hurt” when he was a rookie. (That’s probably the only time Larry Bird talked to Rick Fox during Fox’s rookie year.)

Florence Henderson and Corky: Florence Henderson wants to not be Cloris Leachman (an intentional laughingstock) so bad that it hurts. The only problem is that she’s nowhere near a good enough dancer for us to overlook her advanced age (76 years old), PLUS she’s not as entertaining as Leachman. So where does that leave her? Why don’t we turn it over to Erica’s thoughts on Florence’s quickstep: “That was a COMPLETE waste of my time.” – Erica. Well, then. At least Florence has nice legs – for a 76 year old. Also, why did I never notice that Corky looks and sounds almost exactly like Oscar from "The Office."

Brandy and Maks: Last night was pretty much the worst thing that could’ve happened to Brandy. Her subpar jive (her face made her look insane, and she was slightly stiff) was a disappointment because, simply put, she has the skills to do MUCH better. Still, the bigger issue may have been her off-putting interactions with Maks. Have the “Stars” already forgotten Len’s “Turn Up, Keep Up, Shut Up” motto from last season? If that wasn’t bad enough, she completely threw Maks under the bus when the judges criticized her ill-advised mid-jive breakdown. Just a bad scene all around…

Michael Bolton and Chelsie (pictured, left): …but not as bad as the disaster that followed. After checking out last week’s premiere, I actually would’ve given Bolton the boot for his boring, forgettable Viennese waltz. This week, he turned up sick and, during rehearsal, Chelsie “Whatever” Hightower looked like she was just about done with him and his crappy attitude. (I’m leaning towards blaming Bolton on this one – if you don’t think Chelsie can teach, check out what she did with Ty Murray.)

And then the jive started. His dignity was the first to go, as “Bolt” popped out of a doghouse with a bone in his mouth. His actual “dancing” made him look like a cadaver come (barely) to life. There was a sequence when he moved across the dance floor without moving his right arm or shoulder. I can’t even WALK without moving my arm or shoulder. Bruno may have been harsh in calling it the worst jive in 11 years, but he was also right. In fact, the harshness (and ensuing pity vote) may be enough to save Bolt.

Audrina Patridge and Tony: This is the first time I’ve ever written her name, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to want to write “Partridge” from now on. For the second week in a row, I was pleasantly surprised by how capable of a dancer she is. Now she needs to display some personality (always a problem on this show for reality show contestants and “teen activists”). Not really sure why she was stressing during rehearsal about her DWTS schedule. (What the hell is this show keeping her from doing?) Also, there was no way that Tony wasn’t going to end up having to wax his legs, not matter ho well they danced, right.

Jennifer Grey and Derek: Not to be cynical, but last week it was the Swayze thing. This week we learned that Jennifer Grey has a neck injury and she’s battled cancer. (She discovered that she had cancer when she saw a doctor to prep for the show – “Dancing with the Stars”…saving lives since 2010!) It may start to feel like the show is pushing TOO hard for Jennifer Grey to win – which is a shame, because so far, she’s perfectly capable of winning this show on merit. Sure, she was completely out of gas at the end of her challenging, frenetic jive with Derek, but she pulled it off despite some slightly rough patches.

Margaret Cho and Louis: To be honest, I’m a little bummed that I’m not enjoying Margaret Cho on this show as much as I thought I would. She’s had a few good one-liners, but her rehearsal material has more closely resembled therapy sessions thus far. (Great for her, but not as fun for us.) Also, I don’t know why, but I thought she’d be a better dancer than she is. She definitely improved this week with her jive (I just remember a lot of pink), though, so hopefully she’ll continue on that upward trajectory.

Kyle Massey and Lacey: Seriously, is there anyone out there who hasn’t enjoyed this ugy in these first two weeks? His enthusiasm and flair is so infectious that I’m not even paying attention to whether his technique is any good. (I suspect it’s ok…could get better.) I mean, even that “old guy from England” (thanks, Kurt) doesn’t seem too interested in talking proper footwork where Kyle is concerned (which is good because it looked like he almost fell after performing a jete in the corner). He deserves an entire pizza after last night!

Kurt Warner and Anna: Kurt gets my Most Improved award for the week for a surprisingly decent jive. Also “surprisingly decent” – Kenny Loggins’ “Danger Zone” as covered by the Harold Wheeler Orchestra.

The Situation and Karina: At least he’s trying, right? It’s no secret I watch “Jersey Shore”, so I want him to be better than he actually is. Carrie Ann was right in that he appears to have no musicality (unlike Ronnie, The Situation spends most of his club time pulling up his shirt), and his footwork was absolutely atrocious. He should be thanking the lord that Michael Bolton was so much worse.

Bristol Palin and Mark: Bristol actually does her steps pretty well, but she’s not much of a performer and needs to appear to be having more fun. She’s like a less energetic, less robotic, less boob-jobby Audrina Partridge…Patridge. (Damn it!) Still, there’s no way Bristol deserved an 8, and there’s no way she would’ve gotten it if you know who hadn’t been sitting in the front row. Also, will she ever dance to a song that doesn’t mention “Mama”? (Last week, “Mama told her not to come”, and this week “Mama said you can’t hurry love.”

So what’d you think of this episode? Are there only two people (Brandy and Jennifer Grey) who are REALLY good? Can Rick Fox or Kyle Massey get there? Did you notice that Michael Chiklis didn’t join his “No Ordinary Family” cast members to plug the show? (Appearing on DWTS would’ve killed most of his street cred from “The Shield.”) Finally, who do you think will go home? (Let me rephrase — will anyone other than Michael Bolton go home?)

NFL 2010 Week 2 Picks

Yikes, I had almost as bad a week as the New York Jets.

Direct your gaze downward as I try to bounce back from a weak Week 1 effort (7-9 week, 7-9 season).

PITTSBURGH @ TENNESSEE
I’m thinking Pittsburgh’s going to need to score a TD in regulation to beat the Titans. Not so sure they can get it done.

MIAMI @ MINNESOTA
Yes, Brett Favre looked rusty as hell on Thursday night, but the extra rest should do him well. More importantly, Miami’s rushing offense is their strength, which is perfect for Minnesota because they have one of the league’s best rush defenses. (Even more importantly, I’m actually going to get to watch this on local TV, since I’ll be in Minnesota – strangely exciting.)

ARIZONA @ ATLANTA
Forget the numbers – Derek Anderson is just as bad as he was last year. (I’m supposed to be impressed they squeaked by the Rams?)

BALTIMORE @ CINCINNATI
Cincinnati got spanked by New England, and Baltimore did a pretty good job of smacking the Jets around. I expect the Bengals to show up much better at home, but I was impressed by how good the Ravens offense looked against the Jets (when Joe Flacco wasn’t running for his life…and when they weren’t trying to run the ball…ok, so I just liked Anquan Boldin). Whatever, I’ll take the Ravens.

KANSAS CITY @ CLEVELAND
As bad as Cleveland is, I’m taking them because I don’t believe the Chiefs will win without those incredible special teams plays and their spectacular home crowd from Monday night.

CHICAGO @ DALLAS
I was tempted to count the Lions/Bears game as a win for me since the Lions were robbed. The Cowboys looked like warmed-over poop themselves, but I like them more. By a little.

PHILADELPHIA @ DETROIT
I was just as shocked as you by how much I enjoyed revisiting the Michael Vick experience last week.

BUFFALO @ GREEN BAY
Watching Trent Edwards play last week, I came to the conclusion that he’s a lot like Aaron Rodgers – only the exact opposite.

TAMPA BAY @ CAROLINA
The Bucs will go to 2-0, but I suspect there’ll still be plenty of seats available at the bandwagon – and at Raymond James Stadium.

SEATTLE @ DENVER
I’ll wait to see if Seattle can play well on the road before I get all excited about them.

ST. LOUIS @ OAKLAND
St. Louis looked better than expected, while Oakland looked surprisingly bad (which is hard for them to do). Do I have to pick? (Fine, home team!)

HOUSTON @ WASHINGTON
What has two thumbs and is ecstatic he drafted Arian Foster (230+ yards, 3 TDs, pictured, right) in the sixth round of his fantasy draft? THIS guy. (I guess that doesn’t really work if you can’t see me pointing at myself.)

NEW ENGLAND @ N.Y JETS
Someone please tell me why Mark Sanchez isn’t basically a right-handed Matt Leinart.

JACKSONVILLE @ SAN DIEGO
The Chargers have three or four more losses to go before people start flipping out – this won’t be one of them.

N.Y. GIANTS @ INDIANAPOLIS
I’m going there – I’m predicting Peyton Manning and the Colts will go to 0-2. Nothing against Manning, but without Bob Sanders how will the Colts keep their opponents from rushing for 200 yards every week? (If they stack the box, Eli will torch them.)

NEW ORLEANS @ SAN FRANCISCO
San Francisco was embarrassed in week one, and it’s hard to imagine they won’t come out all fired up on Monday Night Football. I like the Saints, but I’m betting the Niners will come out, control the clock, bring pressure to Drew Brees and pick up the win.

America's Next Top Recap: Grabbing the Bully by the Horns

One day I’ll write a proper recap for the newest cycle of “America’s Next Top Model” – today is not that day.

Tomorrow, I leave for Minnesota for a week. I still have to fold laundry, cook dinner, pack my suitcase and complete a bunch of other chores that haven’t even occurred to me yet.

Still, I didn’t want to leave without giving you my thoughts on the latest episode of “America’s Next Top Model.” Here they are, as they occurred to me last night:

- In my season premiere recap, Anamaria was the one finalist who didn’t stand out for me in any way. When she started getting a weirdly high amount of screen time early in this episode (and she mostly spent it bashing the other girls and acting like a beyotch), I turned to Erica and I said, “She’s going to be eliminated.” More on that later.

- The girls looked absolutely freaked out when Harry Perry approached them and started serenading them. (It’s ok ladies – I would’ve been freaked out too.)

- I love that Chris made an effort to sit down and talk with Ann. Even though we’re not in the 1950s anymore, the house usually ends up being divided along racial lines.

- Chris learned that Ann’s ideal man is a 60-year-old hobo. (Come back, Harry Perry!)

- We also learned that Kayla (pictured, left) is a lesbian, something that she really struggled with growing up. Mostly though, Kayla coming to terms with that ended up making all the other girls’ “issues” during the photo shoot look dumb. (Boo hoo! Kids made fun of my big face.)

- The alternate title for this recap was “High Fashion”, because I wanted to use this cool picture of the aerial runway I found, but then I noticed that the title for last week’s recap was “Are You High…Fashion?” (That’s been your weekly look into my blog’s deleted scenes.)

-I liked the runway show, but I would’ve liked it a lot more without the wimpy harnesses. (Just kidding…mostly.)

- The week’s photo shoot sought to bring attention to the issue of teenage bullying. The girls would pose with two words written on their body – one word was an insult hurled at them when they were young, and the other was their “power” word to help them overcome it.

-I get that they were rebelling against bullying and overcoming their issues – but why did they have to be in bikinis to do so. (More importantly, why am I complaining?!)

- I actually felt Kacey’s “Oreo” pain. I’m a guy that can usually let anything slide off my back, but one of the things that REALLY annoy me is the “Oreo/talk like a white person” insult – as if white people are the only ones who are capable of being articulate. End of mini rant.

- I would’ve been one of the people with a “Who the hell is that?” look on his face when Demi Lovato showed up.

- Why was Demi Lovato there again?

-In what universe is “Big Square Head” a positive “power” word? (Is that like the Big Giant Head from “3rd Rock from the Sun”? Thanks for the laugh, Jane.

-The fact that I didn’t have to look up the spelling of Diane von Furstenberg = gay trap! (Thanks a lot, “Project Runway.”) I guess it could mean I’m good at spelling. Nah…gay trap!

- Best pics of the week: Ann (hair and makeup washed away the mannish “giant” and made her into a great looking “amazon”), Kayla (looking lovely and hopeful), and Chelsey (working the gap).

- Worst: Rhianna (sneakily bad), Anamaria and Terra, who ended up in the bottom two.

- Terra CLEARLY had the worse picture, in my opinion, but Anamaria was still suffering from serious issues. Earlier she’d told the girls about the calorie restricting diet she was on to keep her weight at 110lbs. Most alarmingly, she insisted that she was perfectly healthy, despite the fact that you could count every single one of her ribs and that, instead of having an ass, that part of her body looked like a right angle in her picture. I’m not sorry she’s gone because she acted like a bitch for pretty much this entire episode, but she seems to be suffering from some sort of body dysmorphic disorder, so I hope she gets help.

So what’d you think of this episode? Should the show use Harry Perry’s version of the “Top Model” theme song? (By the way, I needed Erica’s help to identify what the hell he was singing.) Was Mr. Jay really a band geek? Finally, why were Tyra and Kayla sitting on the ground when they were talking?

Jersey Shore: Worst. Couple. Ever

When “Jersey Shore” premiered last year, I was pleasantly surprised that the seemingly ‘roided-up meathead Ronnie turned out to be one of the more likable and thoughtful members of the cast. (We’re grading on a curve here people.)

Sammi…I think we all agreed that she was the prettiest one, right? (Again…curve.)

I’m telling you that to tell you this — I can’t even stand to look at either one of them right now. I hate hearing them talk even more.

I mean, I don’t even feel like talking about them, so I’m going to keep my thoughts on them short. (Which means this recap will probably be short, since this season is pretty much all about them.)

This week picked up where last week frustratingly left off, in the middle of the fight between J-Woww and Sammi. Vinny had tried to get J-Woww to beat Angelina’s ass for being an instigator, but Sammi stepped up to fight J-Woww for reasons that still remain completely unclear.

Here’s what you need to know: after the fracas (and the resulting explosion of fingernails and sandwiches) and after a mini undercard with Vinny and Ronnie, Sammi bragged about how she had beat J-Woww’s ass. Note to Sammi: landing two punches on someone who is being held back by, at least, two people does NOT equal beating someone’s ass. I don’t know what was more pathetic: Sammi claiming this was her greatest accomplishment or Sammi repeatedly and triumphantly flexing her right hand like she was a real brawler.

I hate Sammi and Ronnie. I’ve gone from feeling bad for Sammi, to hating her for being so dumb, to just plain hating her. (Really? Angelina and Ronnie are your allies?!) The Situation fantastically likened her delusions about Ronnie to a kid wanting to believe in Santa Claus. (“F---ing Santa Claus is dead.”) Ronnie, for his part, has gotten off scot free, as The Situation incredulously pointed out. (The most unfortunate side-effect of this Sammi/Ronnie-centric season has been the lack of screen time for The Situation, but damn if the guy doesn’t make the most of the time he’s given.)

Have fun Sammi and Ronnie…you two deserve each other! (As Ronnie humps Sammi’s head behind her.)

As I say goodbye to Sammi and Ronnie, I thought this was going to be the week where I welcomed Vinny into my heart and permanently stopped making jokes about how much of a non-factor he is.

He was on a roll after taking it upon himself to expose what a fraud Angelina is and the two got into a heated argument. (I didn’t even know Vinny was capable of getting into a heated argument.

Vinny’s roll continued after he hooked up with a legitimately hot Hooters girl (she had the Pauly D stamp of approval), but (needle scratching on record sound) my man’s momentum came to a screeching halt when he suddenly, inexplicably hooked up with Angelina. (AKA Rob Kardashian.)
(That sound you hear is Jose’s heart breaking at his lady love Angelina’s betrayal and because of the realization that he is NOT getting his Fossil watch back.)

The other residual fallout from the couple from hell was that best-selling authors Snooki and J-Woww ended up being outcasts – and I couldn’t have been more thrilled because these two are entertaining as hell together!

Whether Snooki was talking about her “tan” ethnicity, or whether Snooki was hooking up with the perpetually-hungry Dennis while J-Woww cowered in her bed a few feet away, I’m definitely feeling like I would watch a spin-off of these two.

Their best moments came when Snooki decided to invite Dennis over (could they have been more lukewarm on each other), and the two decided to clean the smush/hookup room. My two favorite two things were the sly allusion to Vinny’s penis size (Snooki found a Magnum wrapper and deduced it was his) and J-Woww almost suffocating herself under all that plastic.

A few minutes later, it seemed like she WISHED she had suffocated herself when she saw Dennis’ friend/wingman, whose biggest offense was a truly unfortunate nose, but otherwise kinda looked like Herb from the latest season of “The Next Food Network Star.” J-Woww’s will appeared to deflate, she put her purse down and simply walked away from the grenade/chode.

Overall, not a great week for J-Woww, but I suspect that she’s right and that she’ll eventually have the last laugh.

So what’d you think of this episode? Do you, like my girlfriend, hope there’s a special feature on the “Jersey Shore” season 2 DVD that has Sammi watching these episodes and capturing her reaction? Finally, will you know start using the singular “herpe”?

Project Runway: Last Resort

I’m a lot more than a quart disappointed by last night’s result. (And that I won’t be getting more math lessons from the season’s most unintentionally lovable contestant.)

I didn’t like who the judges crowned as this week’s victor, but I ABSOLUTELY LOATHED their decision as to who to send home — or rather, I hated who they decided to keep around.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Before the evening’s infuriating result, the episode seemed to be heading straight into “meh” territory when Tim Gunn and “special guest” Michael Kors (how special a guest is he, if they see him every week) announced that the challenge would be to create resort wear. The most interesting part of this segment was Michael D. (understandably) whining about having to sketch while enjoying their boat ride, and the designers sneaking a few hors d’oeuvres into their mouths when it was time to go.

Things took a turn for the brilliant when Tim brought out his dreaded velvet bag with the golden rope for the challenge’s twist: the designers had to pair up with a fellow designer and execute their partner’s design! Team challenges are always instant drama anyway, but having this group of egomaniacs hand over their work to someone else was particularly delicious.

Of course, everybody besides Casanova was probably silently wishing that they didn’t end up with Michael C., although we only got to hear Mondo vocalize that apprehension — so naturally he was paired up with the much-maligned Michael C.

It’s no secret that I like Michael C., but I’ve also grown fond of Mondo, despite his off-puttingly short-shorts. Mondo was already cranky because “resort wear” isn’t really in his wheelhouse, and he brought some of that attitude into his initial interactions with Michael C., telling him his construction was “awful.” Here’s the thing: (RIP Kara DioGuardi’s tenure on “American Idol”) at least Mondo brought his apprehensions about Michael C. and laid them directly on the table so the duo could deal with them and get past them. Mondo didn’t confine his snide insults to the confessional or wait until Michael C. left the room.

A little while later, Mondo said that Michael C. is a really good guy, admitted that he had acted like a “dick” and, by the end of the episode, the two were sitting in a sofa with their arms wrapped around each other in a hilarious image that made me wish I knew how to do screengrabs so I could post it with this column.

At the other end of the spectrum, we had Ivy and Michael D. I’ve been on the “I hate Ivy” train for the better part of the last month, but last night was really her coming out party as the bitchiest bitch who ever bitched on this show. Apparently, everyone in the world (except maybe Gretchen) is worse at sewing and constructing than Michael D., because she expressed misgivings about his ability, and spent the rest of their time together dumbing down her already blah design for him, and micro-managing him to within an inch of his sanity.

I’m not letting Michael D. off scot free. Although I obviously felt for the guy, he definitely could’ve projected more confidence than he did when Ivy asked him if he could make pants. And although I can respect him for taking the high road when Ivy started throwing him under the bus (take a shot every time someone says that this season), I wish he would’ve stood up for himself a bit more.

I mean, Ivy is SO bad that she made Gretchen treating Casanova like he is a “retard” (his word) seem like a total non-factor.

The top 3 on the runway were Andy, Black, and Blacker. (Andy, April and Michael D.) As you can probably tell, I was pulling for Andy’s breathtaking colorful swimsuit/wrap combo to take the win, even if I appreciated April’s edgy, naughty take on resort wear. April’s outfit looked more like lingerie, but apparently no one minded. Still, she deserves credit for sticking to her guns (at Michael Kors’ urging) and attempting underwear/pants again after the “triple panty” fiasco.

Michael D. on the other hand — I just didn’t get it. I would’ve put Michael C.’s J-Lo-riffic outfit in the top 3, but then Ivy would’ve snapped and tried to strangle him.

The cantankerous Korean was joined in the bottom 3 by Mondo (his bright look was deemed “Forever 21” and Casanova.

Mondo wasn’t going anywhere (even after a K-mart zinger from Nina), so it was down to Ivy and Casanova, who swing from “slut” to “old lady” mode this week.

In hindsight, it probably wasn’t a good idea for him to admit that had his grandmother in mind when he created his design, but damn! At least his outfit had some shape to it! The judges seriously decided to keep Ivy over Casanova?! When Ivy is eliminated, will there be an amusing video package dedicated to her many delightful moments and ending with her saying that she and New York grabbed each other by the ball? I don’t think so!

Forget the fact that I hate her — Ivy deserved to go home on merit.

The biggest part of the challenge was communication, which she OBVIOUSLY failed at (and compounded the problem by blaming her partner for her outfit’s shortcomings). Even if Ivy had executed her own design, how in the hell was she going to make her blah color choice look like anything other than a gray mass of crap. Finally, the judges even conceded that her lack of creativity basically means that she’s a seamstress — not a designer.

Can someone please explain to me why she’s still here?!

Besides that, what’d you think of this episode? Does anyone else start reflexively humming “I’m on a Boat” when you seem someone on a boat? (I realize the joke is like three years old, but still…) Finally, what did you think of “stylish American actress” Kristen Bell? (Other than the fact that she was OBVIOUSLY there to promote her movie, I thought she was really good.)

NFL 2010 Week 1 Picks

I’m not usually a big fan of these Thursday night games (how am I supposed to watch “Jersey Shore”, “Project Runway” AND football?!), but I’m making an exception because the NFL is back!

I’m so excited that I’m going to jump right into the picks. As I have in previous years, I’ll post my record each week and my overall record for the season. (So you can see JUST how bad I am at this!)

My picks to win will be in bold. Let’s get it on!

MINNESOTA @ NEW ORLEANS
Since I didn’t do an NFL season preview, I’ll sprinkle in my thoughts on the upcoming season throughout these picks. One such nugget: I don’t have Minnesota going to the playoffs.

Brett Favre is ALREADY getting his bum ankle injected, his best receiver is gone for (at least) half the year, and his other best receiver may miss games at any times due to migraines. It’s not going to be fun times — especially not after they get their doors blown off in New Orleans.

CAROLINA @ N.Y. GIANTS
I actually kinda like Panthers QB Matt Moore, but I don’t like him on the road with the Giants opening their new stadium and probably looking for a bit of pay back after Carolina embarrassed them at the end of last season. If the Giants defense is any good this year, I like them to win the NFC East.

ATLANTA @ PITTSBURGH
People are pretty high on Atlanta, but, unless they made some sort of major defensive overhaul I don’t know about, I don’t love them as much as everyone else. Pittsburgh, on the other hand, may be missing its QB, but they actually made what amounted to a major defensive overhaul — they got Troy Polamalu (their best player) back.

CLEVELAND @ TAMPA BAY
I think Cleveland is going to continue the friskiness they displayed at the end of last year. Does it make me a bad Bucs fan that I’m rooting for a TV blackout so that I get to watch an actual good game? (Yes it does, but I don’t care.)

DENVER @ JACKSONVILLE
The Jaguars are so depressing that the most exciting moments for Jacksonville fans will be when Tim Tebow comes in for a few plays.

INDIANAPOLIS @ HOUSTON
I know Houston’s a trendy team (again!), but I can’t even remember the last time Peyton Manning and the Colts lost a regular season game they were trying to win.

MIAMI @ BUFFALO
There’s no real logic behind this pick — I’m just feeling it. Chan Gailey may not have been a sexy pick for head coach, but I think he’s going to be good for quarterback Trent Edwards. (And I’m NOT just saying that because Edwards is the third quarterback on my fantasy football league where we start two QBs and I may need Edwards to step up at some point. Oh wait…yes I am!)

DETROIT @ CHICAGO
This is less about all the encouraging acquisitions Detroit made in the offseason, and more about how much I think Chicago is going to suck.

OAKLAND @ TENNESSEE
It’s going to be exciting to see what Oakland can do with a real quarterback under center. It’s just too bad that they’re playing the superior Titans in week 1.

CINCINNATI @ NEW ENGLAND
I was tempted to take Cincinnati, but then I remembered just how much Carson Palmer sucked last year. I think I’ll wait before he shows me he’ll actually be able to take advantage of all his new toys before I start believing in him.

ARIZONA @ ST. LOUIS
I get that Leinart was seriously underwhelming, but are people in Arizona actually EXCITED about the prospect of Derek Anderson as their starting QB? Does no one remember his JaMarcus Russell-esque performance last year? Yikes!

SAN FRANCISCO @ SEATTLE
THIS is finally the year that the 49ers break through and win the NFC West, right? (It used to be the Cardinals who were perpetually threatening to break through.)

GREEN BAY @ PHILADELPHIA
Why are people SO sure that Kevin Kolb is going to be good? Because he had two good games last year? (One against a horrible Chiefs team.) No thanks. (I’ve got the Eagles falling to last place in their division.)

DALLAS @ WASHINGTON
Dallas is usually the master of offseason drama, but they were way outdone by Washington this year. I think the Skins will come out pumped up in prime time and pull out the win. (Sending the Cowboys into temporary freak-out mode.)

BALTIMORE @ N.Y. JETS
I know they have the HBO show and a bunch of splashy pickups from the offseason, but do people even remember that the Jets were 9-7 last year? That’s barely a winning record people. Still, they have no choice but to put up or shut up, right?

SAN DIEGO @ KANSAS CITY
I wanted to go with the Chiefs, but first I want to see how they look under two new coordinators. Well that, and the Chargers are probably better.

America's Next Top Recap: Are You High...Fashion?

The latest cycle of “America’s Next Top Model” premiered last night, and the evening’s keyword was “high fashion.” (Followed closely by “editorial.”)

In case you hadn’t heard, Tyra was more than happy to remind us that this cycle would feature visits by an especially large number of fashion/modeling industry bigwigs. (I don’t really follow that world beyond watching this show and “Project Runway”, but I’m sure all of those people are a BIG deal.)

More importantly, (in addition to the customary Cover Girl contract) the winner will receive a spread in Italian Vogue magazine instead of Seventeen magazine. Even I know that’s as big a step as going from a show on the CW to a show on…pretty much any other channel!

Last night, we were (hastily) introduced to 32 girls who were grouped into types: Blonde, Brunet, Quirky, Sexy, Strong Bone Structure and Trashy. (NOTE: I only made one of those up. Good luck figuring out which one.)

From 32, the girls were cut down to 20, before we eventually got this season’s top 14.

With such an info-dump, it was hard to keep track of who was who. Here are my impressions of the girls, starting with a few who didn’t make the final cut:

Emily: Wrote in her diary that she didn’t want to room with “a black girl…ew.” Apparently, she was talking about a specific, obnoxious black girl (whose name she didn’t know), so she wasn’t referring to all black girls. Still, it looked really bad, and she had a hard time convincing her fellow contestants that she wasn’t racist. Come on, Emily — everyone’s little bit racist.

Jordan: the pretentious (she was against “consumerism” and “materialism”) Lady Gaga wannabe probably should’ve showed that she gave a damn about this show BEFORE she was eliminated.

Vanessa: Claimed that the other girls talked s--- about her because they were jealous of how pretty she was. Even if this weren’t the “high fashion” season of “Top Model”, it was pretty obvious she was going to be eliminated five minutes later just for making such a blatantly bitchy remark.

Enough with the castoffs — let’s talk about this season’s finalists.

The 14:

Anamaria: I honestly don’t remember a single thing about this person — hmm, we’re not off to a good start here.

Ann: She is SUCH a weirdo (that’s a major asset on this show), that her extremely mannish voice is only the third or fourth oddest thing about her. Not “gawky-interesting” to me — more like “gawky-ugly.” She’s going to need the most legendary makeover to make me think otherwise. Sorry.

Chelsey: Most likely to be nicknamed “Freckles”, she stopped modeling after she was told that she was too “fat.” (Has there ever been an actual fat person on this show? I’m not just talking about models, I mean anyone who has ever appeared on camera? Oh hi, Andre Leon Talley!)

Chris and Terra: I grouped them together, because that’s how they appeared during their one-on-one time with the judges. Chris is the younger, more obnoxious one. Terra is the older, more angular, quieter one. Neither can win. Bodes well for Terra that, even though she’s four years older, she looks like she could be Chris’ twin, so I guess she’ll stick around longer.

Esther: When you hear that a girl in this competition (or anywhere else) is a 30G, you’d obviously expect that to be the focal point. Still, I was impressed by how (other than the brief bikini strut where her boobs were bouncing so wildly that they almost slapped her in the face) Esther made wardrobe and modeling choices that downplayed her ridiculous breasts.

Jane: A Princeton student whose parents bought her a horse and built her a barn to put it in. (The anti-Liz? See, below.) Seems a better fit for “Gossip Girl” than “ANTM.”

Kacey: Probably threw Lexie under the bus just to stir up drama after Lexie confided in her about Jordan’s fakeness, but that’s mostly Lexie’s fault for bringing up another girl’s business in the first place. Kacey’s biggest problem is the fact that, apparently, the bags and lines around her eyes in that one close-up made her look my age. (I’m not old, but, at 28, I’d be one over-the-hill model.)

Kayla: I actually liked her short curly hair, but, for the purposes of this competition, it was better for her to go with the straight, slicked-back look. She was also the recipient of the prestigious title of “First Girl Tyra Made Cry This Cycle” — once she figured out where the entrance to the judges’ room was!

Kendal: With her strong look, she appears to be a strong contender in the competition. She reminds me a lot of Krista, the most recent winner. (Which is why she won’t win.) Yet the only thing I (and anyone else) can remember about her is her aversion to semen. Tyra Banks…always getting the relevant information!

Lexie: Impressed me by using the word “disingenuous” to describe Lexie…and she used it correctly! (And she wasn’t even the girl who went to Princeton!)

Liz: Muscular, Hispanic-looking single mom with a hard edge (that she’ll need to somewhat soften). She also has two minimum-wage jobs AND is going to college. I like her, and I suspect others will root for her too.

Rhianna: It’s wonderful that she can pose like a wide variety of plants, but I just don’t love her nearly as much as the judges seem to. Sorry.

Sara: All I can remember was that horrible rap. I would’ve eliminated her on the spot.

So what’d you think of this episode? Why was anyone reading Emily’s diary in the first place? Did this cycle sneak up on anybody else? Finally, who do you like in the competition, and who do you dislike? (For my traditional “Ridiculously Early Pick To Win It All — I’m going with Chelsey.)

Jersey Shore: Vinny, Vidi, Vici

I can’t decide what was worse.

Last year, MTV relentlessly promoted their burgeoning phenomenon by repeatedly showing the moment where Snooki got popped in the face by a man while out at a bar. However, by the time the episode aired they decided not to show the punch.

As weak as that was, last night’s switcheroo was probably even more frustrating.

It was teased during the season premiere’s previews. It was teased during last week’s “Next Week” preview. It’s shown up on every “Jersey Shore” commercial this week. Yet, when it finally came time for J-Woww and Sammi to throw down, the end credits had already run, and we only saw about 15 seconds of the skirmish.

Inexcusable. (Ignore my lead sentence — I think I just decided that this was worse.)

Though the Ronnie/Sammi drama may have come to an emotional head during last week’s episode, the conflict manifested itself in a more “Jersey Shore”-appropriate way this week. That means people were in each other’s faces, and fists were flying.

All of that PLUS Vinny — who I gently mock every week for being completely forgettable — stepped up in a big way and left his fingerprints all over this episode (and all over Snooki).

MTV cruelly teased us by making us think J-Woww and Sammi were going to fight relatively early in the episode. J-Woww and Snooki wanted to talk to Sammi about “the note”, and had Angelina (who they’ve somehow roped into the assuming responsibility for the note) summon her. Sammi, who apparently hasn’t seen enough Italian gangster movies and doesn’t realize that being “summoned” is simply how it’s done, refused to come outside, which set off an argument between J-Woww and Sammi. (Though, to be fair, a particularly violent sneeze would probably set off an argument with J-Woww.)

J-Woww basically verbalized what we’ve all been thinking (with extra F-words added in) about Sammi being a sap and Ronnie being a douche for treating her wrong. Still, she stopped just short of admitting that she and Snooki were responsible for the note.

This is why Sammi’s the worst. It’s bad enough that she keeps stupidly running back into Ronnie’s arm after he’s repeatedly (and clearly) lied to and cheated on her. Now, she seems more fixated on and obsessed with finding the identity of the note writer.

In fact, the big winner in last night’s episode was Ronnie — no one was really mad at him last night. Sammi was mad at everyone else in the house for not telling her that Ronnie was doing her wrong, while J-Woww was mad at Sammi for being such a doormat. (Meanwhile, Ronnie was off in the corner instigating Sammi to keep the attention away from him.)

Speaking of attention, I don’t ever remember as much of it being lavished on Vinny before.

There he was in the beginning hooking up with Snooki (legitimately this time), after she tried out Pauly D and The Situation as cuddle partners. (What guy doesn’t love being third choice?) There he is going to the doctor out of fear that he’d gotten pink eye again. (Ok, so Pauly D pretty much stole this segment with his comments.) Here’s Vinny putting on a chain that are exactly like J-Woww’s t-ts (“looks sick, but it’s fake”) to impress The Situation’s visiting sister. (Who Vinny had hooked up with before.)

Most importantly, there’s Vinny being the one to try to restore some sense of justice in the house.

After Angelina (having found a new ally in Sammi) tried to misconstrue J-Woww’s comments and make it seem like she was talking crap about Pauly D, Vinny (the self-proclaimed quiet one) jumped in to set things right. More than that, he went to J-Woww and told her what Angelina (who’d been alarmingly scandal free) was trying to do. (LOVED J-Woww tossing her item of clothing aside before leaving her room and heading for battle.)

We’ll have to wait till next week to see who wins the J-Woww/Sammi fight, but I’m already looking forward to the inevitable tag team match between Vinny/J-Woww vs. Ronnie/Sammi at Survivor Series.

Other than that, we got to watch the girls (minus lazy Debbie Downer Sammi) make dinner for the guys, despite the fact that they lost Snooki’s shopping list, which had been written in chalk. Of course it was.

So what’d you think of this episode? Have you ever accidentally drunk a cigarette? Have we ever seen Pauly D that drunk? (He kissed Angelina, so I’m going with “no.”) Was anyone else taken aback by the mature heart-to-heart between The Situation and Sammi? (Maturity? Wha?!) Finally, why did no one else point out that the girl The Situation hooked up with was a total grenade/hippo? (And I haven’t even gotten to the tranny!)

Project Runway: Always a Bridesmaid

I’m starting to get the feeling that, even after Michael Costello is crowned the winner of this season’s “Project Runway” and drives off in the automobile provided by whatever car company paid the most to have its vehicle prominently placed on this show, the rest of the designers will STILL be throwing their hands up in the air and bitching about how he can’t sew and/or construct.

It’s been a weird, wonderful season this time out on “Project Runway” (emphasis on weird), so why not?

There appear to be two sides. On one side, we have Michael C. who, if the other contestants were to be believed, doesn’t even know what a sewing machine looks like. On the other side, we have Queen Gretchen, who is unofficially lording over every other designer not named Casanova and leading them in their utter disregard and contempt for Michael C. (The only thing more disappointing than Valerie and Peach jumping on the “I Hate Michael C.” bandwagon last night, was the fact that the effects of last week’s Tim Gunn smackdown and Ivy’s “ah-ha” revelation lasted about five seconds.)

If you’ve been reading this recap, you know that I like Michael C. a lot. Not so much his work (I think it’s lovely, though not the most exciting stuff in the world — then again, what do I know about fashion?), but more his sense of humor and witty insights about his fellow competitors.

Frankly, it’s weird that the person being presented as the season’s laughingstock is one of my favorite contestants. Usually, when reality shows paint someone as a joke, we can all pretty much agree that he’s a buffoon, and enjoy pointing and laughing at him until he’s finally eliminated around week 6. (For a while, this was going to be you, Casanova!) With Michael, I don’t really understand where the producers are going with this.

If his construction/sewing skills are even a fraction as poor as everyone says they are, then he’s got no chance of winning, so setting him up as some sort of underdog would be a colossal waste of time. On the other hand, if they’re honestly trying to paint him as a villain, then they’re failing there too. Since the show hasn’t never EVER shown Michael doing anything that would deserve the amount of venom he’s gotten from everyone else (and why wouldn’t they, if they had the footage?), it’s basically making everyone else look condescending, immature, and petty.

Basically, the only thing the show has accomplished since premiering more than a month ago is that it’s made us hate 95% of the people on it. (Um, yay?)

But I hate for this recap to be as Michael C.-entric as last night’s episode.

The challenge was for the designers to take bridesmaids dresses (they looked like prom dresses at first flance) and transform them into something chic. Thankfully, the designers didn’t have time to complain about working with “real women” models because they were focused on how fugly their dresses were.

The highlight from the selection was Mondo’s face after notice the ugly white color on the back of his choice’s gown, Michael D. drawing the short straw, and the model who pointed out that her dress had a vertical bow on her chest.

Before the runway, the designers got to show their wares at a “designers showcase” with regular people who voted for their favorite outfits by placing buttons in a bowl.

This was also the setting for the episode’s scandal, in which Ivy claimed that Michael started a rumor that she was the “beyotch” of the show.

Now, the fact that I’ve probably never hated a “Project Runway” contestant more than I hate Ivy is probably coloring my opinion, but I call BS. If Michael were really saying that, don’t you think a camera would’ve caught it (or caught a second or third party passing that around). It’s also mighty suspicious that the rumor originated from Ivy (we never saw anyone telling HER about the rumor). Finally, when Michael C. tried to confront her and tell her he wasn’t behind it, she said in her confessional that she chose not to believe him because she doesn’t like his character (approaching her head-on like an adult) or track record (two wins as of last night). Michael said Ivy could talk to his model if she didn’t believe him, but Ivy declined — because she knew it was horses---.

Ivy made the “rumor” up, and you can’t convince me otherwise. (Never mind that she IS the beyotch of the show!)

Mondo won the people’s vote/button challenge for his funky, mod-ish pink and black dress, and was joined in the top 3 by Michael C. (insert sound of s--- hitting the fan) and Christopher, who seemed to be there by default, since half the judges were mixed on his dress, but still gets MAJOR props for making it work after his model got cold feet at the last minutes. (Christopher loses most of those props for claiming Gretchen doesn’t have a malicious bone in her body.)

To be honest, I was kinda, sorta pulling for Mondo to win both because he deserved it AND because I knew I’d have to endure at least another week of “HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE??!!” whining from Gretchen and Co. And, in fact, as soon as they learned he was in the top 3 (and after he was gone from the room), they acted as if they were on “Punk’d.” Any attempt to make Gretchen likable (showing her chatting with mom) was quickly washed away by this display.

In the end, Michael won. I didn’t like the lace add-on to the top of his dress at first, but when I saw how dress the bottom of the dress was, I’m glad it was there to balance things out. Whether you thought Michael C. deserved to win or not, I think any reasonable person can agree that he did NOT deserve to go home and he didn’t even have one of the worst three looks. It’s a damn shame that the dude looked completely ashamed that he won when he returned backstage.

Speaking of the bottom 3, that (dis)honor went to Valerie (who made her model look shorter AND wider), Michael D. and Peach. Valerie wasn’t going anywhere, so let’s talk about the other two. At least Michael D. knew (and fretted) about his mosquito netting fabric looking cheap — he just didn’t make the proper adjustments. (I also don’t know that I agree with the judges in that it was worse than the original dress.)

That left Peach (funny, kind, self-aware Peach) as the clear designer to get the boot, for one of the ugliest outfits I’ve ever seen on the show. The color and ruffles were hopelessly bad — and that was before we got to the “avocado dinner napkins.” (How does Michael Kors do it?!) She HAD to go, but it’s a shame to lose one of the few people who don’t devote 99% of their time to hating Michael C.

So what’d you think of this episode? Do you like that the judges seem to be placing more emphasis on styling this year? (I’m not imagining that, right?) Finally, who else thinks Casanova’s stock is on the rise? He got his first positive critique from Tim Gunn and, more importantly, was the only person to say kind words and show respect toward Michael C. (Then again, if Casanova is your only ally, you’re gonna need a bigger boat.)