Up Review

I’ve kind of fallen behind on my summer movie watching.

It’s been due to a combination of less-than-inspiring choices ("Terminator: Salvation" doesn’t have the best word of mouth; it feels like I’ll be watching "Angels and Demons" on TNT two years from now), sheer laziness and economic restraints. I suspect I’m not the only one.

However, what if I were to tell you that the funniest/most exciting/most touching movie of the year (so far) could all be found in one package - is that something you might be interested in? (I’m saving you time AND money here people!)

Of course, you don’t need me to tell you that a Pixar production is the closest we have to a sure thing as far as quality filmmaking is concerned. (I don’t feel like ranting once again about how the Academy wrongfully excludes Pixar films from its major categories simply because "they’re cartoons" - and I’m sure you don’t want to hear it.)

"Up", the studio’s latest triumph, is the story of Carl Fredricksen (the voice of Ed Asner), a lonely widower who ties thousands of balloons to his house and floats away to embark on the adventure he never got around to having while his wife was still alive. Along for the ride is Russell (Jordan Nagai), a young wilderness scout in search of his final badge (for "Assisting the Elderly") who stows away on Carl’s trip.

As is always the case with Pixar productions, "Up" has just as much material for adults as it does for their children. In this case, the movie explores the way most grown-ups eventually compromise their childhood dreams when life gets in the way - Carl and Ellie’s marriage is portrayed in a magnificent, wordless sequence with composer Michael Giacchino’s terrific music doing most of the storytelling - and how sometimes the best moments in life are the more mundane instances shared with a loved one. In fact, I’d actually say that this is Pixar’s most grown-up movie. (The brief depictions of blood, not once, but twice actually startled me a bit, but ultimately served to enhance the story.)

The sneaky way in which Pixar hits the sweet spot for us non-kiddies is by keeping it simple. Meaning their movies take us back to a seemingly simpler time when, for example, people drove off the highway for fun ("Cars") or played with Army men and pull-string dolls ("Toy Story"). By finding brilliant, ingenious ways of telling old-fashioned stories, these movies make us nostalgic for stuff we may not even have been exposed to. In "Up", I was a little jealous that Carl as a young boy could be so wowed of newsreel footage of his hero, explorer Charles Muntz (Christopher Plummer), and watching him play outside (what a concept!) with young Ellie reminded me my pre-Playstation days.

At the risk of sounding too heady, let me remind you that this movie is also hilarious. In their travels, Carl and Russell encounter a gigantic, chocolate-loving exotic bird (the simple fact that he’s called Kevin makes me laugh) and a pack of dogs outfitted with collars that allow their thoughts to be expressed through words. Both of these things could’ve been one-note/cheap jokes, but the filmmakers (led by "Monsters Inc." director Pete Docter) have a great time with it, especially the dogs. (I laugh to myself thinking about Alpha - sweet, dim-witted Dug is alsoa standout.)

Asner does a good job. His cranky old man routine is a perfect and natural fit for the character. However, I was actually more impressed by newcomer Nagai as Russell. The character could’ve been a stock annoying sidekick or a stock precocious kid, but ends up transcending both clichés.

The animation is, once again, incredible (and almost sneaky good). There aren’t as many obvious set pieces to showcase the animators’ work as there were in something like "Wall-E", (other than some early sequences with the flying house) but the fantastical world is still fully-realized. The action sequences are exciting because they look great and because, in a controversial move, the writers have actually made us care about the characters and, by extension, what happens to them.

The movie isn’t perfect. For some reason, I was ok with the dogs talking and serving food, but having them be able to fly planes was too much. More importantly, the movie conspicuously neglected to explain how one character who should NOT have been alive was perfectly ok.

Still, while it may not be perfect, "Up" is still the best movie of the year.

Up...A-

"Why, Erica, Why?" Summer Movie Library Series: The Mother

With most of my favorite TV shows on summer vacation, I have to find SOMETHING to write about, no?

Sure, I’ll throw in the occasional summer blockbuster review here and there, but I can’t see everything in theatres (insert obligatory "especially in THIS economy" statement). Besides, that would only lead to two or three posts a month. I enjoyed taking last week off from writing in my blog (you didn’t even notice, did you?!) but I don’t want to get too used to not writing.

Thankfully (as is usually the case) my girlfriend Erica came home with the solution.

She recently started work at our local library and (or some reason) she’s become obsessed with checking out an ungodly amount of books and movies. She CANNOT stop. The only thing weirder than checking out eight books that she can’t possibly read in two weeks is the delightfully random nature of her movie picks.

That’s why I’ve decided to introduce the clumsily titled "Why Erica? Why?" Summer Movie Library Series. It’s named in honor of my reaction every single time she brings a bundle of movies home. It’s not that they’re necessarily good or bad - it’s just, well, "why?"

(Of course, we could’ve been checking movies out with our library cards all this time, but this inexplicably only became a thing once Erica started working there. Ah summer.)

The first movie on the list was "The Mother", a 2003 drama that was also the first feature film funded entirely by the BBC.

Anne Reid (in a bold, expert performance) stars as May who, along with her husband Toots (Peter Vaughan), is visiting her grown children (Cathryn Bradshaw and Steven Mackintosh) and small grandchildren in busy London when tragedy strikes. May ends up forging a connection with Darren (Daniel Craig), a handyman who is also in a relationship with May’s daughter Paula.

To me, the movie is at its most effective when it’s depicting the isolation and grief May experiences. The movie touches on (without harping on) the cruel way grown children discard and disregard their parents when they get to an advanced age. There’s an interesting movie to be made about the fascinating shift in the parent-child dynamic when the child actually becomes more capable of protecting and providing for the parent, but this isn’t really that movie. (Working title of that movie: "It Sucks To Get Old.")

Nope, this is a movie about James Bond having sex with a woman who’s almost 70 years old.

Ok, it’s not exactly about that. May DOES experience a reawakening after she bonds (see what I did there) with Craig’s character and becomes her own woman instead of just being somebody’s wife or her kids’ "mother". Thankfully, the movie avoids any obvious clichés that usually come when a character "busts loose." (May doesn’t get a new car and there’s no shopping montage.)

The two actors completely sold the relationship for me because each person’s motivation was clearly drawn out. Craig, in particular, does an excellent job of showing us what a magnetic, attractive total disaster of a man Darren is.

Obviously, this leads to friction between May and her daughter Paula. To me, this was the least interesting part of the movie (particularly since it culminates in the movie’s most ridiculous moment). I was much more interested in earlier, tenser scenes in which Paula (who is kind of a wreck herself) and May talked about the reasons Paula resented her mother.

Overall, this was a mostly realistic (the odd moments tended to stick out like a sore thumb) and honest movie about a downer of a subject featuring mostly unlikable characters. Fortunately, the story is handled with skill (director Roger Michell throw in some welcome stylistic flourishes) and a dash of humor. I still sort of wish the movie had spent more time on either May’s grief and isolation or the idea of lust (for life AND hunky handymen) at an advanced age instead of somewhat splitting the difference.

If that doesn’t do it for you, then I suppose you can check it out if you want to see James Bond have sex with a senior citizen.

The Mother...B

No Doubt at the Ford Amphitheatre Review

Has it really been six years since No Doubt released their last album?

(Actually, it’s been almost EIGHT years since 2001’s "Rock Steady", the band’s last collection of all-new material.)

The best thing about their concert at Tampa’s Ford Amphitheater on June 2 is that, if I didn’t know any better, I might’ve guessed that the band hadn’t spent a day apart during this decade.

That’s a testament to the fact that - unlike a lot of reuniting groups with older members that may or may not be over the hill - Gwen Stefani and company still look EXACTLY the same (her on-stage pushups probably help keep her fit as much as the jumping around she and the rest of the band do throughout their set) . A bigger factor is Stefani happily and naturally shifting from "solo artist superstar" mode back into "cool chick who happens to front a band" mode. She’s unquestionably still the star, but No Doubt’s set was NOT all about her.

Speaking of "cool chicks who happen to front a band", that seemed to be the theme for the rainy evening. (It rained so much in the hour leading up to the concert that, by the end of the show, a few cars were stuck in muddy water that went up to their door handles - they might still be there today for all I know.)

Accompanying No Doubt on their tour is a band I enjoy listening to, and another I’d never heard of in my life.

The Sounds are a Swedish New Wave band that’s been around since 1999 (or so Wikipedia says) and I dug their 70’s-riffic opening set. Fierce lead singer Maja Ivarsson is probably a big reason for the apt Blondie comparisons. I’d definitely listen to their CD (which they helpfully reminded us "dropped" the day of the concert) if I still purchased CDs with any regularity.

The group I HAD heard of was Paramore.

Mostly I was kind of blown away by how confident and GOOD 20-year-old lead singer Hayley Williams is live. Also, the rest of the band rocked - especially the guy who did a running flip across the stage while playing guitar. The problem is that, except for the stuff they played from their forthcoming new album, most of their songs were structured in a very similar way and ended up sounding the same. (Actually, the biggest problem for me was deciding whether it was acceptable to sing along in full voice to songs performed by a 20-year-old girl as I was surrounded by even more thrashing young female fans. I ended up singing along - on the down low.)

That didn’t turn out to be an issue during No Doubt’s set because EVERYBODY was off their butts singing and dancing as soon as the band kicked their set off with "Spiderwebs." Special thanks to Stefani for repeatedly acknowledging us poor slobs in the soggy lawn portion of the jam-packed venue. (Also, special props to the surprisingly good sound quality at the outdoor Ford Amphitheatre - I’ll be going back there in the near future.)

No Doubt - Stefani, Tom Dumont, Tony Kanaal, Adrian Young, accompanied by Stephen Bradley and Gabrial McNair on the tour - performed every single one of their hits. The difference between No Doubt’s set and Paramore’s is that No Doubt’s evolution as a band ("I had forgotten they were a ska band," remarked my girlfriend Erica) resulted in a much more dynamic and varied set.

For an evening that had the potential to be a nightmare - besides the rain, some genius had scheduled a high school graduation in the adjacent venue, causing a parking logjam - the music ended up elevating this to one of the best concert experiences in my (admittedly limited) concert-going life.

No Doubt...A
Paramore...B+
The Sounds...B+

Star Trek Review

I’m not a Trekkie (or, excuse me, a Trekker) by any stretch of the imagination.

Of course, being the pop culture nerd that I am, I’m not completely clueless to all things "Star Trek". I know who all main characters are, and I’ve certainly seen more than a few episodes of both The Original Series and The Next Generation. Then again, that’s as far as I go. I never got into Deep Space Nine or Voyager, and I couldn’t tell you what the "pon farr" ritual was without Wikipedia’s help. (I’ll pause for about 40 seconds to give my fellow non-Trekkie/ers enough time to look it up. You know you want to.)

(And we’re back.)

The reason I bring this up is because I suspect that I’m the target audience for the new "Star Trek" movie directed by J.J. Abrams, who has admitted that he’s not exactly a devout Trekkie/er. However, I think the fact that Abrams is NOT slavishly devoted to the franchise ends up being one of the movie’s greatest strengths.

Don’t get me wrong - things aren’t COMPLETELY different! All the names are the same, and the actors mostly look their parts. After a thrilling and effective opening sequence showing us the birth of James T. Kirk (Chris Pine), the movie follows his time at the Starfleet Academy, where he crosses paths with Spock (Zachary Quinto), Uhura (Zoe Saldana), Bones McCoy (Karl Urban), a green chick and other familiar faces, before embarking on his first mission - stopping Romulan bad guy Nero (Eric Bana), who is going around destroying planets on his scary-looking ship. After that - well I won’t tell you anymore about the twisty plot in case you haven’t seen it yet.

Pine probably has the toughest job in the cast, trying to live up to Shatner’s iconic portrayal of Kirk. Wisely, Pine doesn’t attempt to do a Shatner impersonation. Instead, he plays up Kirk’s roguish, rule-breaking, hell-raising side, and he pulls it off with plenty of charisma. Since he’s the lead, I would’ve liked to have seen more depth in the character. Pine’s performance hinted that he’s able to convey that depth - too bad the movie didn’t give him a great chance to show it.

Then again, maybe screenwriters Robero Orci and Alex Kurtzman simply decided to give Spock most of the heavy stuff. Thankfully, Quinto is up to the task. He gives a great performance as Spock. He already looks eerily similar to Leonard Nimoy - his predecessor in the role - so pulling off the logical Vulcan side didn’t seem like too much of a stretch. Where he really succeeds (and where he really ropes us in) is in communicating the conflict his half-human nature presents.

In fact, Kirk and Spock butt heads in the movie so spectacularly that they kind of render the actual villain in the story kind of useless. Eric Bana is a good actor, but he’s not given much to do as Nero other than look angry and vow revenge.

The rest of the Enterprise crew is a little underdeveloped, which is to be expected from an origin story. That being said, I really liked Urban as Bones (just dead-on), and the rest of the crew got their own brief moments to shine. I liked that John Cho got to kick some ass as Zulu. On the other hand, Zoe Saldana is little more than eye candy so far as the competent Uhura, Simon Pegg overdid his comic relief shtick as Scotty, and I still haven’t decided whether Anton Yelchin’s performance was Chekov was intentionally funny. (I’m leaning toward yes.)

The real triumph of Abrams’ movie - other than the great special effects, and the cool action sequence on top of the Romulan drill - is that, through the movie’s storyline, he found an ingenious way of re-introducing these very familiar characters for a new generation (and maybe even for old fans who might be interested in a different take on the "Trek" universe). I can understand some of these older fans being annoyed that Abrams has given himself license to change some of their beloved characters and storylines. However, I would say to these people that the stories they love are still right where they’ve always been, and ready to be revisited any time. I love that Abrams is doing his own thing. (By contrast, slavish devotion to source material ended up holding back the recent "Watchmen" movie, in my opinion.)

Besides, that I think there are plenty of signs of respect for the original series. I liked hearing the younger actors say things like, "I’m giving her all she’s got, Captain!" and "Damn it Jim, I’m a doctor not a _____." I also loved the fact that a random guy who gets killed was wearing red. Curiously, I thought most of the scenes featuring Nimoy as the original Spock were too cutesy by half.

In the end, the question I ask myself is, "What would be the point in redoing 'Star Trek' with these characters if everything was going to turn out the way it did before?" I like that I don’t know where Abrams and his team are going to take these characters. I’m certainly looking forward to finding out.

Star Trek...A-

24: Like Father, Like Daughter

Yes, I know the "24" season finale aired Monday night, and I’m not writing about it until more than a few days later.

What can I say? I had car trouble in Oviedo, FL this past weekend, so I wasn’t home on Monday to tape/watch the season 7 finale. (I guess next time I go out of town, I’ll tape all of the shows I want to watch the following week, just in case.) Fortunately, season 7 was released on DVD the day after the show aired its last episode, so I got to watch the finale at my leisure. (I know I could’ve watched it online, but I’m not a huge, "Watch a movie/TV show on a laptop" guy - especially not when the show in question was sure to feature gunfights and explosions.)

Despite this being a very good season overall I was actually pretty dubious heading into the finale. I wasn’t sure the show was going to give us a satisfactory explanation to Tony’s bad guy behavior. I wasn’t sure how the show was going to make Jack’s fight with a terminal illness interesting, since we ALL knew he wasn’t going to die. Most of all, I wasn’t sure how the show was going to avoid making Kim a helpless victim once again.

I’m happy to report that the show passed with flying colors in two of those scenarios, while coming up a little bit short in another (we’ll just say it passed with running colors).

Let’s get the Kim thing out of the way first. I liked that the "Jack has to bust Tony out" dilemma was resolved pretty quickly. I was also a little surprised that Cara the Moderator allowed Jack to tell Renee what was going on as Jack held Agt. Walker at gunpoint and was eventually taken hostage by Tony, who believed he could harvest Jack’s organs and use the pathogen. I think it would’ve been a lot more dramatic if Jack had to somehow break Tony out without giving Renee an explanation.

Then again, if that happened, Renee would not have known about Kim and would not have been able to call her at the airport to warn her that deadly operatives might be watching her. Kim eventually realized that the friendly couple with the conspicuously open laptop were the culprits (followed by a nice jump moment when the "husband" showed up right behind her.) This led to an awesome shootout at the airport (almost as exciting as the subway station bomb dash from the previous episode). Big time props to the anonymous airport security guys who killed the female half of the bad guys and wounded the guy with the skeezy hair.

Of course, this also led to (probably) the best Kim moment ever. As the guy ran away, Kim tried to call for help, noticed her cell phone battery was dead and let out a Baby Bauer "Dammit!" before pursuing him on her own. Brilliant! (This being Kim, the moment was also pretty dopey - why would she go after a dangerous man when she’s unarmed?) Eventually, she asked a couple of guards for help, and they were able to shoot at the skeezy haired guy before getting killed, causing his car to flip over. Kim went over to grab the guy’s laptop and was almost killed before breaking away from him (but not before her sleeve hilariously caught on fire). Using the laptop, they might be able to find her dad’s whereabouts (she knows this because she worked at CTU). Overall, a VERY nice resolution to my "Kim as victim" concerns - she stood up for herself, but did so in a (relatively) realistic way.

The action at the airport wasn’t the only source of tension in the first half of the finale. I’ve been a big fan of the Olivia Taylor saga, largely because Sprague Grayden is doing a pretty terrific job of playing an entitled, unethical, COMPLETELY over-her-head First Daughter/chief of staff. Ethan Kanin came to retrieve the recordings in his office, but was eventually detained by Olivia. I thought these scenes with Aaron, Ethan and Olivia were very tense. Eventually, Ethan listened to the real tape in his car (he had given Olivia a fake copy) and confronted Olivia about it. Olivia being Olivia, she assumed he was just angling for his old job. Ethan said he was going to allow the President to decide what to do about the matter. More importantly, I finally believed that the warden from "The Shawshank Redmption" was a good guy. (It only took until hour 24!)

Olivia confessed to Jonas Hodges’ murder to her mom and dad in a gut-wrenching scene. I was actually thinking about how Cherry Jones hadn’t been given much to do in these last few hours of the season, but she brought her A-game here. She had to decide whether to overlook a murder or send her daughter to prison for killing the man who murdered her son. Her husband couldn’t even fathom that she would consider turning Olivia in. In the end, President Taylor did just that after literally (and symbolically) kissing what’s left of her family goodbye. A couple of things here: 1.) I hope we see Grayden again because I thought she was excellent this year. 2.) I hope we never see Henry again. I get that the guy lost his son, but blaming his wife(‘s job) was just plain foul. HENRY SUCKS! Fortunately, the president still has Ethan (wink) and I like how she snapped back into presidential mode after all the family drama.

If this season’s been about anything, it’s been about watching these characters weigh the value of human lives versus the "greater good." It’s been about how much you can possibly do for that greater good before you eventually lose yourself as a good person. We’ve seen Jack, Renee, the president and others wrestle with this issue. It turns out Tony’s been doing that all year.

At last, we finally learned what his master plan has been all along - turns out that, "This time - it’s personal." We knew that the guy had nothing left in the world after his wife (and son’s!) death, but finding out that the motivation behind his actions was to avenge Michelle’s death was more "huh" than "wow." Everything he did today was to get to Alan Wilson, the man who’s seemingly behind the cabal of military contractors. (Yay I finally got to use the word "cabal" in a column!) He scored the invite after asking the Moderator to convince Alan to grant him a job interview. Tony’s plan was to rig Jack with explosives and blow everybody (himself included?) to hell.

Jack hadn’t gone down easy. After some spinal fluid was removed (ouch!) he’d killed his doctors (throat slash guy = triple ouch!) before temporarily getting away. He tried to light himself on fire in a garage, but Tony forklifted(!) his way into the garage and kicked the flare away at the last second. Now he was going to be used as a human WMD. I have to say, the revelation behind Tony’s motives was somewhat of a letdown, but it’s absolutely NOT Carlos Bernard’s fault. I think he gave us a hint of madness in his speech to Jack without overplaying it. I also think that, when I re-watch this season, I’ll notice how all those time that Tony seemed to be sitting very still and very quietly staring off into the distance, he was thinking about his next play, since he was playing both sides against each other.

Before Tony could blow Wilson up, the FBI/cavalry showed up. After a shootout that featured Renee hanging off the side of a truck (completely unnecessary or badass? - I say BOTH!) they got to Tony before he could kill Wilson. Tony continued to go for his gun, but Jack shot him in the wrist (quadruple ouch!)

With the day now saved, it was time for some introspection. The last half hour of the season was surprisingly low-key for Jack. His speech to Renee about his philosophy (he knows saving 15 people is ultimately not the most important thing, but he can’t help himself) could’ve been corny, but was well played by Kiefer Sutherland. His deathbed meeting Muhtadi Gohar was surprisingly touching, as he finally sought forgiveness and was able to forgive himself.

At least until he ends up kicking more ass NEXT season and has more stuff to be forgiven for. Kim arrived at the hospital and forcefully convinced Dr. Macer to go through with the experimental treatment. The final moment (pictured, right) with Kim sitting by Jack’s side was lovely, even though it was underscored by the fact that I’m looking forward to seeing Mr. Bauer trying to scramble from one crowded location to another in the Big Apple next year. Although he was in a coma, I like to think he was resting up for season 8.

So what’d you think of this episode? Do you think more shows should be released on DVD so quickly after they’ve aired or do you think that’ll just (further) discourage people from watching them on TV? (I watch on TV AND collect the DVDs, so I loved this!) What’s Renee going to do to Alan Wilson? Was Chloe’s compliment to Janis the nicest thing she’s ever said to anyone besides Jack? What would you have done about Olivia if you were the president? (I probably would’ve covered up for my kid - but I’m a lot weaker than President Taylor.) Finally, where do you think this season ranks? (Not with the all-time greats season 1 and season 5, but certainly on the next tier.)

Thanks for hanging out with me and reading my ramblings regarding one of my favorite shows.

Dancing with the Stars: One Final(e) Note

I'm not usually one to brag, but I believe I had this one.

Ok, so the reason I'm not usually one to brag is because I'm not usually right - about ANYTHING. So excuse me if I take this moment to note that one of my Ridiculously Early Picks to Win It All finally paid off. Thank you Shawn Johnson (pictured, left, with partner Mark Ballas), for helping me not look like an idiot (for a change).

(Note: I kindly ask you to ignore my last column, in which I picked Melissa to win and said Gilles was more deserving - don't take this away from me. I need this!)

American Idol: "No Boundaries" Issue

Was that REALLY the last impression the show wanted to leave us with in the final performance episode of season 8?

The show started off brilliantly (how cool was that footage from the finalists’ initial auditions?) and Adam Lambert and Kris Allen (pictured, right) showed us just why they were totally worthy of being the final two contestants left standing after all these months. However, the lasting image we have from Tuesday night is Adam awkwardly chained to the center of the stage while reading from a teleprompter, and Kris Allen looking like he was passing a kidney stone as he tried to hit the high notes as they were both forced to sing "No Boundaries", this year’s Idol anthem, co-written by Kara DioGuardi.

I consider myself a decent writer, but I don’t believe I have the skill to describe how brutal that song was. My girlfriend Erica pointed out how terrible the melody was, but I think that unfairly takes attention away from how stupid the lyrics were. Something about climbing mountains - I believe hurricanes were also mentioned. It was like Miley Cyrus’ "The Climb" threw up, and the result was "No Boundaries."

I’d be seriously embarrassed to be associated with this song, which really stands out among all of the previous awful Idol themes. So, of course, there was Kara clapping like a seal after Adam’s painful (and pained) rendition. I thought the whole point of Kara being a judge was that she was a credible current songwriter (and to her credit, she certainly has some HUGE hits to her name). However, now that she’s also a famous TV star, it has to be somewhat humiliating to have your name prominently attached to such a stink bomb in the second-biggest episode of the country’s biggest TV show.

Enough about that - let’s talk about the finalists. Adam and Kris sang three songs - a previous selection from this season, a song picked by creator Simon Fuller, and the song we don’t speak of. Let’s see how they did round-by-round.

Round 1: I’ve never been a fan of repeating Idol performances in the finale. If a performance is worth repeating, chances are it was excellent to begin with and almost impossible to improve upon. More importantly, no matter how good it is, the element of surprise and discovery is missing.

As a result, I was glad to see Adam change up his presentation on "Mad World." During his original performance, he was more subdued, sitting on a chair center stage for most of the song. Last night, he brought out the dry ice and Matrix coat. The vocals were once again totally on point, but, to be honest, I preferred the previous more subdued approach because I think it fit the song better. Simon complaining about it being "too theatrical" was still kind of silly - it’s like complaining about a bird being too feather-y. Kris repeated his take on "Ain’t No Sunshine" and once again absolutely knocked it out of the park. He’ll never have the big vocals Adam brings, but his voice is certainly better than he gets credit for and his phrasing is always interesting and often has unexpected twists. That makes you want to listen to what he’s singing and allows him to grab an audience’s attention (sans the aid of dry ice) while simply strumming a guitar or playing the piano.

Winner: Kris by a little.
Round 2: AKA, "The Socially Conscious Round."

Adam’s take on "A Change is Gonna Come" was unbelievably terrific, and I love that he brought more than a little bit of a gospel flavor to it, which is something we hadn’t seen from him before. I think when you get something new at this stage of the competition from a performer it’s an absolute gift after watching a dozen performances and dissecting them within an inch of their life. That being said, will somebody please give Paula "You’re an Instant Icon" a tranquilizer? Kris, on the other hand, was handcuffed from the very beginning. Obviously "What’s Going On" is a terrific song, but it doesn’t do anyone any favors in terms of showing off vocal prowess. It’s also so famous and revered that any sort of radical rearrangement would’ve been blasphemy. Still, Kris brought a surprisingly strong vocal, and his patented unique phrasing to the song, despite the fact that I kind of agreed with Simon’s assessment that it felt like a couple of guys jamming in a room.

Winner: Adam by a mile.
Round 3: I already said what I had to say about the horrific "{No Boundaries."

Through no fault of his own, this was Adam’s worst performance by far, despite the fact that he didn’t have to try nearly as hard to hit the high notes like Kris. Kris, on the other hand, appeared to (try to) feel the song a bit more, and, for what it’s worth, generally seemed to try harder to make something out of it. To be perfectly honest, I feel like Danny Gokey could’ve probably killed that song - and that’s not entirely a compliment.

Winner: No one. Not Adam, not Kris, not us.

So what’d you think of this episode? Which parents’ anecdote was more adorable - Adam’s dad recounting how Baby Lambert’s vocals on his crying (not to be confused with Aerosmith’s "Crying") were molten hot or Kris’s mom showing off one of his "Music Coupons"? Did I really need to see that far down Simon’s shirt? (I think I prefer the black T-shirts.) Finally, who do you think is going to win? (Adam, duh!)

Desperate Housewives: Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?

The problem with this show right now is that it doesn’t have any balls.

Ok wiseass. I know the show never technically had any balls due to its protagonists being females.

What I’m saying is that - for a show that opened with a character blowing her brains out - "Desperate Housewives" has been lacking any sort of strong edge or creative vibrancy for a good while now. Yes, the show still features very good acting (and some bad acting), and its share of funny lines per hour (mostly courtesy of Eva Longoria Parker and Felicity Huffman), but it’s really been missing the great "anything can happen" feeling that is essential to any great (or just entertaining) serialized drama or soap opera.

The five-year leap at the start of this season was an encouraging step in the right direction, but the show eventually settled back into its comfortable, predictable groove - Tom and Lynette fight in every episode before making up, Gabby and Carlos ponder doing something amoral before realizing they’re good people now, Bree acts uptight, Susan falls down and the season-long mystery ends up being stretched out way more than it needed to be.

All that being said, the latest season finale accomplished what every season finale should do - it tied up the loose ends from the current season, while planting the storyline seeds for the next year. Unfortunately, it only excelled at one of these points.

We were all pretty much ready for the Dave Williams/Dave Dash mystery to be over. As a result, a part of us is simply happy to be done with the whole thing, even if the resolution wasn’t completely satisfactory.

I thought the writers threw in a few interesting wrinkles for Neal McDonough to play with. The best one was the revelation that Dave felt somewhat responsible for his wife’s death. Through a flashback, we learned that his wife and daughter had gone out for ice cream on the night they were killed, and that Dave had stayed behind to do work. All this time, he’s blamed Mike and, eventually, Susan for what happened to his family in what was essentially an honest car accident. (They weren’t really drunk or otherwise impaired.) I kind of wish the burden Dave carried around had been revealed earlier.

I also liked that the "I HAD to kill M.J. Delfino" tape fakeout from the promos was resolved in the very first scene (it was meant for Mike to see after Dave did the deed). I also liked seeing Dave’s obvious mental illness dramatized. We know the guy had rage issues and was taking medication, but, for most of the season, he’s come off as more annoyingly sleazy than scary or mentally disturbed. I thought the scene where he got a visit from his family, Dr. Heller and (best of all!) Edie was one of the episode’s best. Ghost Edie brought up a point that I’ve been harping on for weeks - if Dave really wanted to only get revenge, why not just walk over and put a bullet in M.J.’s head. Why would he try to get away with it?!

Dave seemed ready to do just that, until Susan announced the fishing trip was back on. Meanwhile, Mike took time from unenthusiastically marrying Katherine (I think even Lee the sassy gay neighbor was better utilized than Dana Delaney this season) and ran off to save his ex-wife and son. I’ve never bought that Mike ever really wanted to marry Katherine - neither has Susan, and neither have you. That’s why it’s so disappointing to see someone who’s supposed to be as smart as Katherine believe Mike’s unconvincing shtick. Yes, I get that she "Desperate"ly WANTS to believe it, but it’s just making the character more pathetic. At least the character finally LOOKED pathetic, standing in the airport holding those two coffee cups. (Also, boo to that old woman who changed Mike’s message from "It’s an emergency" to "I have to go, I’m sorry" - turn up your hearing aid, grandma!)

Mike reached Susan on the phone and tried to warn her, but eventually Dave got a hold of M.J. and decided to make Susan watch as he reenacted the car wreck that killed his family. Dave claimed it was "poetic", except that it wasn’t. Again, what Susan did was an accident - what Dave was doing was murder. I get that Dave is supposed to be truly disturbed, but McDonough and the writers just didn’t play up that side of his personality enough. Fortunately, Dave somewhat came to his senses after a visit from his Ghost daughter and let M.J. out of the car before crashing into Mike. Mike stumbled out of his truck with just a small scratch and kiss Susan passionately.

Dave sat in his car and flashed back to the night of his wife’s death. This time, he imagined himself stopping his wife from leaving and saving her life. After that was done, Dave was revealed to be alive and residing in a mental institution for the forseeable future. Now what exactly is the point of this? Do we think (and do we want) the show to ever bring Dave back in any sort of prominent role? This storyline is OVER! I know I don’t write for TV, but how much better would it have been if Dave was sitting in his car, we saw his happier alterna-flashback and then Dave’s eyes closed and he died right there? He’d be reunited with his family in his own mind and we’d still get closure on the story.

Then again, this sort of ineptitude is typical of how this storyline eventually got botched. (Another example is the overly creepy look Dave had on his face as he drove away with Susan and M.J. that was only there so Mike could act all suspicious. Sloppy.) Overall, I’d call the Dave Williams saga, which showed promise early on, a failure.

Excuse me for spending the bulk of this recap talking about Dave, but that’s kind of how the episode was structured. As far as the other Housewives are concerned, their scenes in the finale seemed designed to set up what’s to come in season 6.

Tom and Lynette did what they do. Tom came up with an idiotic-sounding plan (this week it was going to college to study Chinese) and Lynette passive-aggressively foiled it (she got him drunk the night before his admissions test). I’ll admit I was pretty happy to see one of Lynette’s schemes bite her on her semi-shrewish ass for a change. Tom wanted to learn Chinese to take his marketing career to the next level. (The one scene that featured all the Housewives in this episode brought up the interesting question of why is shooting down your idiot husband considered "bitchiness.") Of course, that’s all probably going to be put on hold now that Lynette is pregnant - with TWINS. I was ecstatic to see that her medical issue wasn’t cancer, and I think the new twins will present an interesting new challenge to the already financially-strapped Scavos. More importantly, these two need to do whatever it takes to shut it down in the baby-making department because, despite their protests, ("but we’re OLD") they’ve still got it going on down there.

On the Gabby-Carlos front, it seems that I got what I’ve been asking for - the apparent return of catty, edgy, conniving Gabby. It’s all thanks to what looks to be a worthy adversary in Ana, Carlos’ niece who moved in with the Solises. We saw that she has the sort of sway over men that a young Gabby probably had (oooh burn!). However, knowing Gabby, there’s no doubt she’ll eventually come out on top in this smackdown. Still, the writers have to be careful here. I’d like to see things be kept lighthearted so it doesn’t turn into a clone of the Lynette/ Kayla the demon child situation. (I liked that storyline, but we don’t’ need a clone.) I also don’t need to see a scene where Ana tries to seduce her uncle Carlos. I would, however, welcome some sort of tension as Carlos inevitably/stupidly takes his niece’s side over his wife’s. Mostly though, I’d like this to remain an intense, but lighthearted competition. Then again, judging by Ana’s former hosts, we might be in for a darker revelation about the teen Versace-wearing terror.

Then there’s Bree, who finally locked lips with Karl in the hottest kiss of the night (sorry Mike and Susan). Orson found out about Bree’s scheme to hide her possessions from him and threatened to have her thrown in jail unless she stayed married to him. Orson is now officially unredeemable in my eyes. I get that Bree is emasculating, but why couldn’t he step up his game and try to rebuild himself as a person instead of whining about how nobody respected him anymore. And now, why would he want to remain married to someone who despises him? I actually cheered when the thug Karl sent to rough him up had his hands around Orson’s throat. At least, their scenes yielded a classic Bree line about Orson being placed in a straight jacket for putting chives in her Parisian salad.

Judging from the way Karl and Bree looked at each other in that church during the final scene, I think it’s safe to say those two are still seeing each other. As I said last week, I love their opposites-attract chemistry. I’m curious to find out what will happen when Orson finds out. I’m even more curious to see what happens when Susan figures it out.

Ah yes, about that church scene. We saw that Mike married, um, someone. My guess is that it’s Katherine. Yes, I know he stranded her at the airport and that Mike and Susan kissed after saving M.J.’s life, but Mike and Susan getting together feels like something that won’t happen until the show is almost over. It feels like the show wants to tease us with that a little longer. Creator Marc Cherry has said the show will go at least seven seasons, and that’s one of the problems I was referring to before. When you don’t know exactly when your show is going to end, you’re a lot less apt to take storytelling chances because you’re not sure how long you have to deal with the consequences.

Although season 6 looks pretty promising based on what I saw in this finale, it ultimately looks like more of the same (and that’s kind of the problem) - funny, solid show, but not really knocking my socks off like it used to, and like it has the potential to do.

So what’d you think of this episode? Weren’t the McCluskey sister scenes a complete waste of time? (There were a few funny moments, but they ended up being utterly pointless and neither of them interacted with any of the other main characters. If their scenes were deleted from this episode, I don’t think anyone would care.) Finally, who do YOU think Mike married? Susan, Katherine or someone completely different?

Dancing with the Stars: Freestyle At Last

Here we are, one day after the final performance episode of what turned out to be a pretty entertaining season of "Dancing with the Stars", and the enduring image was - Bruno in Speedo(!) having a three-way phone conversation (people still do that?!) with Len and Carrie Ann(‘s salad).

OF COURSE, that was the enduring image.

Although the finale included 100% less Lil Kim and Derek than I would’ve hoped for (if ever the case was to be made for a final four, THIS would’ve been it), the three remaining finalists have all shown at different points in the competition that they’re perfectly capable/deserving of taking home the most coveted trophy in the TV ballroom dancing community. That being said, Gilles has probably shown that he’s most deserving.

Let’s just jump right into last night’s episode, which only featured four routines. ONE of them even featured real-live ballroom dancing for an extended period of time!

Paso Doble Face-Off: This Latin dance would appear to favor Gilles, no? Anytime you can add pyrotechnics to the ballroom, I’m all for it. I thought Shawn’s solo was an improvement over her paso from a few weeks ago (more fluid, better performance-wise) - so, of course, she got one less point. Melissa borrowed Mel B’s outfit from a few seasons ago and looked pretty good in her dance - until she screwed up. If the fact that she got two 10s despite putting out the most inferior solo and VISIBLY screwing up doesn’t convince you that this thing is rigged, then I don’t know what to tell you. Even Melissa didn’t think she deserved a 10 (judging by her shocked reaction). Gilles’ paso was more toned down from his effort a few weeks back. It was technically perfect (in that he didn’t make any mistakes), but I still liked Shawn’s a little better, and I preferred Gilles’ own "frantic" previous paso. I can’t really argue too much with the 30 though.

Shawn Johnson and Mark (pictured, right): Still enjoy seeing Apolo Anton Ohno - that guy is just likable. Did Shawn and Mark really stand there on the dance floor in those masks throughout the entire commercial break? I was NOT too encouraged by the Jabbawockee gear at the beginning since Len HATES hip hop. The rest of the freestyle turned out to be incredible. The lifts were executed expertly (which is what you’d expect from an Olympic gymnast) but it didn’t feel like a gymnastics routine the way her Lindy Hop did. Also, how about the fact that Mark is more than keeping up athletically with an Olympian?! The TOTALLY looked like equals. Still, the most impressive thing was the incredible synchronicity in the routine, given the challenging moves and how freakin’ fast they were moving! I agree with Bruno - 11!

Melissa Rycroft and Tony: Finally let that back tattoo fly in the open without the aid of a glittery covering during her freestyle. Unfortunately, the only thing more distracting than how dorky they looked doing hip hop was Tony’s awful rubber shirt. Yikes! The lifts were done very well, but the judges were right in that they didn’t flow together very well. I know Tony basically killed Stacey Keibler’s chances at victory in season 2 by choreographing a boring freestyle, but he went overboard the other way in this instance. It would’ve been more interesting to see something totally balletic than the umpteenth, hopelessly uncool hip-hop routine. Most importantly, Tony’s shirt was just unbelievably, distractingly bad.

Cheryl Burke and Gilles: No I didn’t make a mistake in listing Cheryl first. Watching their freestyle, you would think SHE was the celebrity. (I KNOW she’s more famous than he is, but still!) Why did Wolverine attack Gilles shirt backstage? During their "Flashdance" homage/freestyle, Gilles basically followed Cheryl all around the dance floor and served as her pole toward the end. Too bad. A killer freestyle routine would’ve clinched the competition for Gilles. He still deserves to win, and he still might win, but the door is wide open for Shawn and, especially, Melissa. It’s particularly a shame because it’s not like Gilles isn’t capable of doing an amazing freestyle. I think the freestyle ended up being one of his lesser routines. If they wanted to do an 80’s dance movie homage, they could’ve had Gilles as Johnny and Cheryl as Baby, and "Dirty Dancing" that thing up!

So what’d you think of this episode? What was better - watching Melissa try to charge Carrie Ann or watching Bruno show Shawn how to properly do the "girl" moves in the paso doble? Wasn’t it kind of weird seeing Bruno and Carrie Ann’s legs? Would you have preferred Len doing all three of the tutorials as usual? (I really like Len’s tutorials, but I loved seeing all the judges in action). Finally, who’s going to win this thing? (I picked Shawn very early on, I think Gilles SHOULD win, but I’m still convinced ABC, I mean, the FANS, will give Melissa the win.)

Random Thought of the Moment: Why, ABC? Why?! Edition

I love "Scrubs."

I have every episode on DVD. I’ve seen every episode multiple times. I have the "Scrubs"-related private jokes with my girlfriend, brother and friends. I even have the "Scrubs"-related private jokes that are too insider-y for even my girlfriend (who was the one that turned me on to the show in the first place).

So why am I totally bummed that the show just got renewed for a ninth season?

Let me count the ways.

1. The show peaked sometime in season four and has been on a steady decline in quality ever since. This is a fact. Of course, another fact is that "Scrubs" is still pretty funny, but it’s simply nowhere near as consistently brilliant as it was. I’ll admit that I’m selfish and that it’s painful for ME to watch a show that’s a shadow of its former self.

2. Then again what show IS brilliant after nine seasons? This is especially true of comedies, where jokes and punchlines are more likely to be recycled. At some point, you just run out of ideas and stories to tell. When a show does a musical episode, that’s a clue that it’s running out of ideas - "Scrubs" did its musical episode TWO years ago. Need more proof? The show dedicated a winking episode ("My Déjà vu, My Déjà vu") about how it’s resorted to recycling jokes. This episode aired THREE years ago.

3. Apparently, Zach Braff and Sarah Chalke (pictured, left with creator Bill Lawrence) agreed to shoot six "transitional episodes" and Judy Reyes "may only return as a special guest star" for the new iteration of "Scrubs." Only Donald Faison (Turk), John C. McGinley (Dr. Cox) and Neil Flynn (The Janitor) have been confirmed to return full-time. "Scrubs" is NOT "Law & Order." The reason we watch the show is because we love the characters and the ways they relate to each other (You’re going to give us Turk, but no Carla?!). J.D. is the freakin’ narrator of the show! After eight years, you’re going to ask us to commit to an entirely new group of people and still call it "Scrubs"? That’s a dealbreaker!

4. More than anything, this is messing up a(n almost) perfect script. The show had a writers’ strike-shortened seventh season, only to be saved by ABC at the 11th hour and given a creatively resurgent eighth farewell season, capped off by a beautiful, "Big Fish-esque" sendoff to the show’s main character and to the show itself. It just FELT like the end because it WAS the end.

Only it’s not.

If ABC wants to bring back some of the creative team and center the show around the new interns introduced this past season (which is apparently the plan) that’s fine - just DON’T call it "Scrubs." "Scrubs" ended perfectly a few weeks ago.

Only, apparently, it didn’t.