Desperate Housewives: More Than They Bargained For

"I don’t like this show that much anymore."

That was my girlfriend Erica during last night’s episode of "Desperate Housewives" - and I can’t really say I blame her. Despite mostly top-notch work by the lead actresses, the show has felt flat for most of the season, and especially so in the last couple of months as it limps toward its finale.

Of course, Erica’s comment came during the first Dave Williams scene in last night’s episode. In the subsequent 45 minutes, we went on to laugh at Tom and Lynette (the latter has "seen more ceiling than Michaelangelo" during her 23 consecutive days of mandatory sex), MJ (the things that kids does for macaroons) and Gabby (she’s not really ill, you see).

So, I’m kind of thinking the BIG problem is the now-unbearable Dave Williams storyline, which really has infected the rest of this show. As I’ve mentioned before, I was a big fan of the storyline in the beginning (and of Neal McDonough in this role, in particular), but it’s now gotten to the point where it’s mind-numbingly unwatchable. I honestly feel dumb watching it. I mean, if I’m not dumb, why did the director feel the need to pan to that newspaper clipping (prominently displayed on Dave’s countertop) of a drowning accident to blatantly tell us what Dave was planning for his fishing trip with Susan and MJ? (Wait, so you mean he’s planning to drown MJ - AND make it look like an accident?!)

Later in the episode, a couple of detectives showed up and confronted Dave (who was completely back to normal after his meltdown last week) about missing psychiatrist Dr. Heller (who Dave killed). I’d love to tell you more about this, but I was actually in my kitchen making myself an awesome bowl of oatmeal (but no ice cream) and not regretting missing the rest of this scene AT ALL.

By the end of the episode, Dave seemed ready to readjust his target (again!) since Susan has a new fiancé. From the promos, we know that Jackson and his girly hair were going to return and propose to Susan (pictured, left). However, since we know the show wouldn’t give EVERYTHING away in its promos, we knew there had to be a twist. It turns out Jackson is from Canada, his student visa is expired and he needs to get married to stay in the country.

Despite the fact that this is unfortunately the exact same plot of the upcoming Sandra Bullock movie "The Proposal", I felt really bad for Susan after she gave that great, teary, heartfelt speech about how lonely she’d been despite trying to be a strong independent woman. Of course, (since this is Susan) that was eventually followed by hi-jinks as she chased Jackson out of the house with a plunger. Eventually, Susan agreed to the plan, since it’s pretty clear she still has feelings for him, and he’s willing to crash on the couch and not have sex (ah married life) for the time being.

At least, Susan can get a guy to fake-marry her. Last night’s episode was all about the characters on the Lane bargaining to get what they want and opened with an amusing sequence in which a Desperate Katherine had bribed MJ to pressure his dad about when he was going to marry her (well played). Last week, Mike made a point to stay completely silent after Katherine said she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, so I was happy to see the show follow up with this.

Eventually, Mike confessed that he loved Katherine, was NOT in love with Susan (yeah, right) and just was NOT looking to get married. It’s just been a tough year for the underused Dana Delaney. Now her on-screen character seems to be biding time until Mike goes back to Susan. Although Mike and Katherine have almost no chemistry together, I was still glad to see the show explore this interesting issue. He thinks, "We’re together and we’re happy, so why do we need to get married?" She thinks, "We’re together and we’re happy, so why don’t you want to marry me?"

Fortunately, a couple that has GREAT chemistry was exploring another interesting issue. As usual, Tom’s heart was in the right place (working hard to get intimacy with his wife), but he ended up coming off like an idiot (making sex seem like a task or work). Tom was trying to have sex with Lynette for 30 straight days (making it to 23 is NOTHING to be ashamed of), even going to her office and (very quickly) doing the deed during one of her conference calls. Eventually, Lynette learned that the only reason he was obsessed with the streak was because she was the only thing Tom is passionate about. (Aww.) Oh wait, he meant that because, with grown kids in the house, there’s nothing else for him to do. Thankfully, he already got the pizzeria out of his system, but, judging from next week’s promo, he seems poised to move on to - facelifts?!

Gabby and Carlos, another solid couple, had to deal with six-year-old Juanita, who’d taken to emulating her mom’s makeup on the cover of "Commotion" (huh!) magazine. All of this would’ve been a little easier to buy if the actress playing Juanita didn’t look like she was 12 years old, but I rolled with it. Carlos had the (not bright) idea that Gabby could go to the upcoming Latino Businessman of the Year Award gala for Carlos (what WAS the competition for that honor?) sans makeup. Of course, Gabby couldn’t help herself and eventually plastered on makeup (Asian woman, close enough) for a newspaper photo shoot.

Though this lead to a touching mother-daughter moment (and the gala scene was funny) this was all pretty dumb. Here’s a little tidbit from the John Ceballos School of Parenting: six year old girls CANNOT wear makeup, while ADULTS who are going out for the evening to a fancy gala and posing for a newspaper photo CAN wear makeup. No gooey life lesson. End of story.

I’ll just mention Bree’s storyline very quickly since we didn’t get very much last night. After realizing that she can’t be a good person in her impending divorce with Orson (how bogus is it that he’d get half of her business?) she hired Susan’s ex-hubby Karl as her lawyer. By the end of the episode she’d bribed MJ to let Karl’s psychotic son attend his sleepover and Karl agreed to take on the case. However, last night seemed mostly like a setup for what’s to come, including a rumored Bree-Karl romance. Ick, "romance" doesn’t seem like the right word for those two - let’s go with "hookup."

So what’d you think of this episode? Why do Dave’s plans always have to be so elaborate? (If he’s really that crazy and angry, just have him walk up to whoever he’s going to kill and put two bullets in their head - now THAT would be shocking and interesting.) Were you glad to see Jackson back? (I’m glad Gale Harold is ok after his serious accident, but I thought we were kinda done with Jackson, and having him back just so Dave can kill him seems pretty weak.) Finally, how good were the child actors last night (the kids who play MJ and Juanita)? (If only the actress playing Juanita looked anywhere near six years old.) The adults better watch their backs.