Hell's Kitchen: It Takes Two

There’s just not that much to say about the latest episode of "Hell’s Kitchen", which was the first half of the two-part finale.

Of course, being a semi-veteran "Hell’s Kitchen" watcher, I knew that would be the case going in. Unfortunately, that also meant I was also able to telegraph almost everything about the hour.

I knew the first 10 or so minutes would be a pure recap of the season (I eyeballed the little cursor on my DVR, and the new material didn’t even start until that cursor was at least a fifth of the way along the DVR ruler bar.) After that waste of time, I knew the two finalists would be flown to the location of the restaurant they’d soon be "running" and "surprisingly" forced to cook a meal for a few fellow chefs and maybe an executive. I also knew John Janavs, the "Hell’s Kitchen" designer, would discreetly roll his eyes at least a few times as the finalists described their ideas for the dining room, and that one of the finalists would come up with a truly tacky concept (congrats, Danny!). Finally, I knew the hour would end with the cliffhanger of former contestants returning to hurt/help Danny and Paula’s chances to win the whole thing.

I swear I’m not trying to sound like a know-it-all. These are all things you knew too if you’ve watched this show in any of the previous seasons. In fact, my favorite thing about this episode is that I knew all these things coming in, so I WASN’T disappointed when the show inevitably left us hanging.

The show’s producers did their best to try to conjure up some drama. For example, they tried to make us think that Danny and Paula had gotten so wasted on champagne that they’d be unable to perform the next morning. I was also picking up the vibe that Paula was intentionally trying to drink Danny under the table. However, other than a few bleary looks in the morning (that we ALL get) nothing came of this.

Then there was the redesign of "Hell’s Kitchen" with Danny and Paula each getting the opportunity to make over one half of the dining room. Again, other than a few "are you kidding me?" reaction shots by the designer, there wasn’t much to see here other than Danny’s misguided 3D-mounted fish on the wall later in the episode.

As a result, the show decided to stir the pot by having the finalists fly out to Atlantic City in the middle of the redesign, leaving their family members (and Danny’s "chick") in charge. While I was glad to see the family members back (they were there for about 15 seconds in their previous visit) it felt like Janavs was actively refusing to incorporate some of Danny and Paula’s ideas just to create tension within the family members. I have no idea whether this was actually the case or not, but the fact that it "felt" that way is not good.

In Atlantic City, the chefs met the Borgata’s chief executive and were tasked with whipping up a meal for him and two other noted chefs to taste. This being "Hell’s Kitchen," the challenge came down to the wire, with the executive having to decide if he liked Danny’s seared filet of beef or Paula’s sea bass. Since the executive is a relative layman (he doesn’t have the same palate an experienced chef does) I figured Danny’s meat and potatoes would appeal more to him and I was right. Danny was the challenge winner. Though the reward wasn’t announced, we all knew it’d be first pick among the soon-to-return losers.

I’ll give the episode credit for one thing. The way the returning contestants were revealed was awesomely bad/funny/disturbing in the best possible way. Here I just figured Ben, Andrea, Carol, Giovanni, LA, and Lacey’s PICTURES would be under those domes. Great job by the show in giving us an image that has the potential to haunt our collective nightmares.

Danny had first pick and selected Ben. Paula used her first round selection on Andrea. Personally, I would’ve picked Giovanni first overall. Despite going home before Ben and Andrea, Gio seems like a more solid chef overall and the victim of ONE really bad week. Ben and Andrea, to me, have WAY too much trainwreck potential to be picked first.

Since Paula was stuck with the last pick, she was stuck with Lacey. Ugh. Just hearing her annoying voice ("I’m back bitches" is WAY overplayed, no?) made a little piece of my soul die The final teams were Danny, Ben, Giovanni and Carol (who couldn’t help but get in a subtle swipe at her nemesis Andrea by saying she was sure she was going to be picked before her). They’ll be squaring off against Paula, Andrea, LA, and Lacey.

That’ll be the matchup heading into the finals. As I said last week, I like Paula a little better, but I think Danny will win (despite the fact that he came off a touch clueless last night). If the show was going to waste our time last night, I kind of wish they would’ve showcased these two likable finalists beyond having them say generic variations of "I worked really hard to get here" and "I really want it."

This show was so boring that I didn’t even mention Chef Ramsay until this sentence.

So what’d you think of this episode? Is it even possible to get "wasted" on champagne? Is it just me or does Paula’s team really suck? Doesn't "Velvet Hammer" (Danny's idea for a restaurant name) sound like the name of a pimp? (I hope he goes with "Susan Marie," named after his dearly-departed momma.) Finally, who do you like in the finale and did your opinion of who’s going to win change after last night’s episode?