America's Next Top Recap: A Down and Dirty Finale

To be honest, I was just happy that Aminat didn’t win.

I’ve written in this space about how every time she opens her mouth to say something negative or self-serving (which is always) I want to stick a plastic fork in my ear. Of course, I’ve also noted that she’s unquestionably going to be a successful model no matter what - why else would the judges rescue her from universally crummy photos and four trips to the bottom 2? - so it didn’t really matter whether she won or not. (Look for her in one of those future "Top Models in Action" spots next cycle.) To give her the win in this competition would’ve just made her more insufferable than she already is.

Then again, the fact that I was rooting against Aminat more than I was FOR either Allison or Teyona says more about this relatively underwhelming cycle. Hopefully, the show will get its groove back once the shorties (5’7" and under contestants) show up in the fall.

Or maybe my current disappointment comes from the fact that Allison totally won me over last night (I was on Team Celia), and by the end of the night I really wanted her to win. I’ve always liked that she’s low-key without boring and that she’s kind of a dork, but I’ve also found her "woe is me" attitude toward some of the tasks ("I can’t walk." "I can’t act." "I can’t dance.") to be irritating. I was thoroughly delighted to see how much she’d improved as a model since the start of the competion.

The final 3 headed to the Cover Girl set to do their annual TV commercial/photo shoot. Aminat pretty much nailed her commercial (argh!) but (while I thought her picture was fine) the judges once again banged on her for being a little dead in the eyes and thinking she did better than she actually did. Allison was a little robotic during her commercial, but I agree with Paulina in that, for some reason, she was the only person I actually listened to. Teyona’s commercial was a disaster after she blanked out on the script and broke down on set. (There’s always one, isn’t there.) This was uncomfortable to watch, but she managed to rebound with a Cover Girl photo so good that I was seriously convinced it wasn’t really her. (She looked THAT different!)

In somewhat of a surprise, the judges cut Aminat lose - I guess they decided five times in the bottom 2 was the last straw.

That left Allison and Teyona to compete in what was going to be a "Brazilian Stompin’" fashion show. Tyra said the words "Brazilian Stompin’" so much that I actually became convinced this was an actual dance move the contestants would have to execute. (Then again, I’m really dumb.) Turns out that was just her way of telling them to walk fiercely.

Heading into the runway show, which featured tiny top hats, capoeira dancers and black body paint, I thought Allison was at a big disadvantage. The times we’ve seen her walk a runway have been (to put it mildly) heinous. Even up until last week, her samba dancing was slightly tragic, so I did NOT have high hopes that she could get her coordination down in time.

Sneaky Allison! Apparently the girl has been practicing all this time (and off-camera) because she delivered a competent, confident (not brilliant) walk for the show. I actually ended up preferring it to Teyona’s walk, which suffered from robot arms for a little bit.

Of course, the highlight of the show was the two women trying to out-writhe each other on the floor (pictured, right) as they were both covered in the black body paint. It kind of reminded me of a high-fashion/editorial orgy. (My favorite.) During a key moment, Teyona’s weave came off and (to her credit) she started whirling it above her head like a helicopter. (Awesome!)

During the final panel, the judges compared some of their past photos side-by-side. Overall, Teyona had a stronger body of work.

I like to think that’s what ended up resulting in her victory because, to recap, Allison had a MUCH better commercial, an equal-to-slightly-worse picture, and a better runway walk. There’s something to be said for rewarding the person who’s been the best competitor throughout (Teyona), despite the fact that her opponent improved by leaps and bounds.

Basically, it came down to what the judges were looking for (Paulina seemed to favor Allison, while Ms. J seemed to like Teyona better). Did they want a highly-skilled, highly-adaptable model or did they want a girl with a unique and potentially-limiting look (Allison’s eyes)?

Personally, I would’ve gone with Allison because the show’s not called "America’s Next Top Blank Canvas" but I can certainly understand the decision to go with Teyona. So congratulations to Teyona for the win, and thanks to both finalists for giving us a neck-and-neck finale.

And for keeping Aminat out of the finals.

So what’d you think of this episode? Why did the two finalists have to wear skimpy bikinis to the last judges’ panel? Will you miss the recently-fired Paulina? (Personally, I was a big fan and the right mixture for that judge’s chair - not as tart as Janice Dickenson, but not as bland as Twiggy. Why not fire Ms. J instead?) Finally, do you think the right person won?