American Idol: "No Boundaries" Issue

Was that REALLY the last impression the show wanted to leave us with in the final performance episode of season 8?

The show started off brilliantly (how cool was that footage from the finalists’ initial auditions?) and Adam Lambert and Kris Allen (pictured, right) showed us just why they were totally worthy of being the final two contestants left standing after all these months. However, the lasting image we have from Tuesday night is Adam awkwardly chained to the center of the stage while reading from a teleprompter, and Kris Allen looking like he was passing a kidney stone as he tried to hit the high notes as they were both forced to sing "No Boundaries", this year’s Idol anthem, co-written by Kara DioGuardi.

I consider myself a decent writer, but I don’t believe I have the skill to describe how brutal that song was. My girlfriend Erica pointed out how terrible the melody was, but I think that unfairly takes attention away from how stupid the lyrics were. Something about climbing mountains - I believe hurricanes were also mentioned. It was like Miley Cyrus’ "The Climb" threw up, and the result was "No Boundaries."

I’d be seriously embarrassed to be associated with this song, which really stands out among all of the previous awful Idol themes. So, of course, there was Kara clapping like a seal after Adam’s painful (and pained) rendition. I thought the whole point of Kara being a judge was that she was a credible current songwriter (and to her credit, she certainly has some HUGE hits to her name). However, now that she’s also a famous TV star, it has to be somewhat humiliating to have your name prominently attached to such a stink bomb in the second-biggest episode of the country’s biggest TV show.

Enough about that - let’s talk about the finalists. Adam and Kris sang three songs - a previous selection from this season, a song picked by creator Simon Fuller, and the song we don’t speak of. Let’s see how they did round-by-round.

Round 1: I’ve never been a fan of repeating Idol performances in the finale. If a performance is worth repeating, chances are it was excellent to begin with and almost impossible to improve upon. More importantly, no matter how good it is, the element of surprise and discovery is missing.

As a result, I was glad to see Adam change up his presentation on "Mad World." During his original performance, he was more subdued, sitting on a chair center stage for most of the song. Last night, he brought out the dry ice and Matrix coat. The vocals were once again totally on point, but, to be honest, I preferred the previous more subdued approach because I think it fit the song better. Simon complaining about it being "too theatrical" was still kind of silly - it’s like complaining about a bird being too feather-y. Kris repeated his take on "Ain’t No Sunshine" and once again absolutely knocked it out of the park. He’ll never have the big vocals Adam brings, but his voice is certainly better than he gets credit for and his phrasing is always interesting and often has unexpected twists. That makes you want to listen to what he’s singing and allows him to grab an audience’s attention (sans the aid of dry ice) while simply strumming a guitar or playing the piano.

Winner: Kris by a little.
Round 2: AKA, "The Socially Conscious Round."

Adam’s take on "A Change is Gonna Come" was unbelievably terrific, and I love that he brought more than a little bit of a gospel flavor to it, which is something we hadn’t seen from him before. I think when you get something new at this stage of the competition from a performer it’s an absolute gift after watching a dozen performances and dissecting them within an inch of their life. That being said, will somebody please give Paula "You’re an Instant Icon" a tranquilizer? Kris, on the other hand, was handcuffed from the very beginning. Obviously "What’s Going On" is a terrific song, but it doesn’t do anyone any favors in terms of showing off vocal prowess. It’s also so famous and revered that any sort of radical rearrangement would’ve been blasphemy. Still, Kris brought a surprisingly strong vocal, and his patented unique phrasing to the song, despite the fact that I kind of agreed with Simon’s assessment that it felt like a couple of guys jamming in a room.

Winner: Adam by a mile.
Round 3: I already said what I had to say about the horrific "{No Boundaries."

Through no fault of his own, this was Adam’s worst performance by far, despite the fact that he didn’t have to try nearly as hard to hit the high notes like Kris. Kris, on the other hand, appeared to (try to) feel the song a bit more, and, for what it’s worth, generally seemed to try harder to make something out of it. To be perfectly honest, I feel like Danny Gokey could’ve probably killed that song - and that’s not entirely a compliment.

Winner: No one. Not Adam, not Kris, not us.

So what’d you think of this episode? Which parents’ anecdote was more adorable - Adam’s dad recounting how Baby Lambert’s vocals on his crying (not to be confused with Aerosmith’s "Crying") were molten hot or Kris’s mom showing off one of his "Music Coupons"? Did I really need to see that far down Simon’s shirt? (I think I prefer the black T-shirts.) Finally, who do you think is going to win? (Adam, duh!)