Dancing with the Stars: Mr. Perfect

No offense to Ty Murray - who might just be the nicest AND funniest guy in the history of "Dancing with the Stars" - but how much better would this final four show have been with Lil’ Kim and Derek?

I couldn’t help but ask myself this as Ty and Chelsie took their victory lap (for them, they’ve WON this show!) in last night’s episode - and as the quality of dancing dropped dramatically whenever they took the floor.

Even with that, the semifinal performance episode of "Dancing with the Stars" featured hometown visits so charming I (mostly) refrained from fast forwarding through them, DVD-like commentary from the couples on their breakout routines and "perfect" dancing. Let’s see how the final four did, in order of appearance.

Melissa Rycroft and Tony: She and Tony ended up having the most boring commentary and, since they went first, I incorrectly assumed the whole thing was going to be a waste of time. Fortunately, things picked up with their quickstep. Len (and I) loved the musicality. And by "musicality", I mean the way their feet touched the ground for each plink of the piano. Bruno and Carrie Ann deemed the routine lovely but not great. I thought it was adorable AND great (to me those two aren’t mutually exclusive) and I may have given it a 30. The hometown package was pretty standard stuff. Unfortunately, the pictures of Melissa doing ballet and in her Dallas Cowboys cheerleading days do nothing to dispel the notion that she’s a ringer. The cha cha was good (nice of Mark to let them borrow his hats), but not great, and slower than most cha chas on this show. Most importantly, Carrie Ann and the rest of the judges are finally vocalizing what I’ve been saying all along - Melissa is a great dancer, but she just doesn’t always seem like she’s INTO the dances. Unlike...

Gilles Marini and Cheryl: They had the most interesting and technical commentary of the night, while also throwing in interesting tidbits you may not have noticed the first time (like Cheryl banging her head on the floor after Gilles "killed" her at the end of their paso doble). World Smooth Champion Jonathan Roberts (that title doesn’t belong to Obama?) stopped by to help Gilles with his waltz, and he was brilliant. Apparently, Cheryl is the picture and Gilles is the frame. I also liked him telling Gilles the most important thing to remember was, um, about 12 different things. The waltz could’ve been boring, but ended up being totally engaging and expertly performed, inciting the world’s first "sit-down standing ovation" from Len. Gilles’ Cannes (like the film festival) hometown package was adorable, especially the friend who ratted him out for imitating Michael Jackson when "he was trendy." I don’t know that I would’ve given his salsa (pictured, right) a perfect score based on technical merit, but I certainly understand why the judges and the audience love it. He did what Melissa doesn’t seem able to do - he completely sold the dance (even if it wasn’t a proper salsa). As a result, Gilles ended up with a 60 (or a 61 if Len had his way) for the night. The only problem is that he’d probably like to have that score NEXT week.

Catherine Zeta-Shawn Johnson and Mark: At first I was disappointed that they chose to showcase Shawn’s paso doble instead of her cha cha as her breakthrough Latin dance, but apparently keeping an angry face throughout an entire dance was a HUGE deal to Shawn, so I’m not going to take that away from her. Her tango was absolutely terrific, and it might’ve actually been my favorite dance of the night so I was happy to see it get a 30. I’m going to stop short of saying that the 17 year old was sexy, so we’ll say she was outstanding and totally believable. That being said, Bruno’s "Cell Block Tango" praise was still super creepy. The hometown visit to West Des Moines (the bad part of Des Moines) was what you’d expect - Shawn was always a bit of a swing-dismantling daredevil. Her jive was oddly lifeless, despite the polka dots and the upbeat nature of the dance. (I saw more emotion from Mark’s pissed off face.) If Shawn makes it to the finals, she’s going to have to watch that she doesn’t give off the complacent vibe she’s been prone to as far as the performance aspect is concerned (technique has never really an issue with her). Overall, I feel good about making her my Ridiculously Early Pick to Win it All based on that Argentine tango alone.

Ty Murray and Chelsie: Watching Ty watch himself and how far he’s come on this show was great. However, ignoring the missed high five at the beginning of their quickstep during their commentary was slightly disappointing. Ty looked good on his waltz from the waist up, but his feet stumbled a little too often. I actually ended up liking his samba a LOT better. (Nice samba roll!) It was a LOT better than I expected. The worst/best(?) part was his attempted butt-shake (I think we know now that Gilles inherited the bionic booty) that simply looked like someone had snuck into his pants and was doing a raspberry. The hometown visit was cool, and maybe we’ll see Chelsie on "Bullriding with the Stars" next season. For the second week in a row, Ty and the judges bid their unofficial goodbyes to each other. I love the guy, but it’s time for him to sit out the finale and let the "better-skilled" dancers do their thing.

So what’d you think of this episode? Is there a cooler title than "World Smooth Champion"? Finally, if Ty was to sneak into the finals, who do you think would be on the outside looking in? (I WOULD say Melissa, but I still feel like ABC has already decided that she’s going to win this thing.)