Desperate Housewives: Face Facts

With one week to go until the season finale, I expected the latest episode of "Desperate Housewives" to really come out blazing and try its hardest to get us pumped for the show’s last original installment until it comes back in the fall.

Despite two wedding announcements involving major characters, this wasn’t really the case. In fact, the housewives were mostly operating independently from each other - the show at its worst, in my opinion - and a few of the storylines seemed to be one-episode wonders (not usually the case when you’re building toward a finale).

All that being said, I actually liked this ep and a big reason for that is that it somehow made me care about the Dave Williams storyline. Kinda.

Ok, so maybe the episode itself didn’t do a great job of advancing the season-long mystery - I’m more intrigued by the computer clip of Dave confessing to M.J.’s murder in the previews for next week’s episode.

Last night we got Dave not-so-subtlely pumping Jackson for information about what he remembered from the nightclub fire since Jackson was slated to be interviewed by the police. Dave learned about Jackson and Susan’s sham marriage and Jackson’s immigration situation after he was on the phone with Katherine and he overheard her and Susan talking about it. Although no normal person would leave a live phone within earshot while they’re having a conversation with another person (either hang up or put the phone face down or out of earshot!) Dave had the information he needed to get rid of his potential problem.

I’m not sure that immigration people would come to a person’s house and take someone like Jackson (who’s not a criminal) away like they’re the police, but then again I’m in this country legally. Either way, I liked the scene where Dave was revealed to be the culprit behind Jackson’s apparent deportation. Although it was pretty obvious in hindsight that Dave was to blame, I like how the camera lingered on Mike for a second before focusing on Dave in the background. It was a shame for Susan - who seemed like she was about to reconnect with Jackson through their fake marriage (an interesting concept) - but this country did NOT need any more men with girly hair, so I’m not too upset.

The reason I thought (for a second) it might be Mike is because the show finally acknowledged what we’ve all known for a while - this fool’s still in love with Susan.

After finding out about Susan’s (faux) engagement, Mike was visibly perturbed and Katherine was (amusingly) ecstatic because Susan was now off the market. A little while later, Mike tried to charmingly ask Katherine to marry him, but it came off more awkward. I don’t so much blame the writers for this as I do the fact that James Denton is an incredibly wooden, charm-free actor. (At least he looks good with his shirt off!)

I don’t know what was more "Desperate": Katherine happily accepting Mike’s panic proposal, or the fact that she’s doing everything in her power (paying Susan’s alimony?!) to keep it intact even AFTER she found out it was a panic proposal. Sure, this is a different Katherine from the fierce survivor we saw last season, but at least Dana Delany is getting SOMETHING to do. Either way, I’m actually looking forward to seeing how this plays out now that Jackson’s (temporarily) out of the picture and Mike is still engaged to Katherine.

However, the thing I’m really looking forward to seeing in next week’s finale (and beyond) is the budding Bree/Karl partnership. When I first heard about this potential coupling - and after watching them last week - I was a little iffy. It kind of felt like the show was randomly throwing these two characters together for some cheap "Odd Couple" laughs.

One week later, I’m totally sold. I liked the 40’s film noir/screwball comedy vibe the two had going in their first scene when Karl convinced Bree to stage a break into her own house to protect her assets. The actual break-in (wipe your feet please) was even better. Finally, the speech at the end from Karl to Bree about how she would never end up alone because she was a great catch was touching - until Karl had to go and "Karl" it up by adding that Bree wasn’t one of the "ugg-os" that was going to end up alone, dead, and eaten by cats.

It really seems like these two are headed toward a hookup, but it doesn’t appear to be happening in next week’s finale, so I’m looking forward to seeing how Susan deals with ANOTHER one of her friends potentially shacking up with one of her exes next season. This also confirmed something I've believed for years: Karl is about 40 times more interesting than Mike. (Thanks for bringing Richard Burgi back, writers!)

Before that Bree is going to have to deal with Orson, who found out about the staged break-in after discovering the storage unit where his soon-to-be ex wife had stashed the stuff. Orson seemed genuinely hurt, but I’m fresh out of the sympathy the show tried to drum up for him in last night’s episode by recalling happier times in their marriage. This is a guy who stole from his wife’s friends to humiliate her, and who tried to get her to quit doing what she loved out of malice. I’m just DONE with Orson (which is too bad, because I thought they were a hilariously WASPy couple at the start).

The other two storylines in the episode didn’t seem to have anything to do with the upcoming finale, but at least one of them was entertaining.

Of course, I’m talking about the ongoing exploits between Lynette and Tom (pictured, left), who wanted to get a facelift to look younger after he had trouble getting a job (Twitter strikes again!) and after he ran into a surgically-enhanced college roommate (yes, Lynette, they were in the same class). As usual, this was a really stupid idea by Tom (why not just Botox?) but it still led to a hilarious sequence when Lynette invited a recently facelifted co-worker named Bruce/Joker who looked like Joan Rivers’ long-lost son. It also led to a touching speech by Lynette in which she called the wrinkles on Tom’s face the "map of our marriage." Then again, the speech would’ve been even more touching if Felicity Huffman’s face didn’t look so obviously pulled back as well. It wasn’t Bruce-bad, but it was still distracting!

Finally, there was Gabby who ran into the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come in a soup kitchen in the person of a formerly rich housewife who lost everything when her hubby died. Gabby was in the soup kitchen to teach a spoiled Juanita (I wonder where she gets it?!) a lesson about humility. Sure, the woman’s story was heartbreaking (for a character we don’t know) and her lesson was an important one for Gabby to hear. However, this was yet ANOTHER variation on "The New and Improved Solises", in which Gabby and/or Carlos (usually just Gabby) act like beasts until they realize said beastly behavior is what led to their downfall in the first place. I like that they’re good people now, but it’s not the most dramatically interesting situation. Give Gabby a storyline where she can use her conniving skills without impunity - at least for a little while.

So what’d you think of this episode? Does Susan ever wear a shirt that DOESN’T feature a surprising amount of cleavage? (I guess if you’ve got it, you gotta flaunt it!) Do you really think the writers will have Lynette’s cancer return? (They wouldn’t dare, would they?!) Will Mike marry Katherine? Finally, do you think a regular character will be killed off? (Crossing my fingers for Orson.)