Desperate Housewives: Not Quite Their Sunday Best

After what seemed like an interminable layoff due to the writers' strike, "Desperate Housewives" came back last night.

Unfortunately, what the show served up was one of the weaker episodes this season.

The theme of the week was faith, which not only tied all the women's storylines together last night, but also served as a not so subtle nudge to watch "Eli Stone", which aired after "Housewives" last night, and heavily uses George Michael's "Faith" in its promos.

Lynette's decision to start going to church was greeted with minimal enthusiasm by Tom, but after one of their kids identified Jesus as Santa's assistant, Tom conceded that a trip to church was needed.

After seeking advice from Bree, Lynette accompanied her to her Presbyterian service and promptly embarrassed her by asking a lot of questions, when we all know (according to Bree) that church is NOT a place for questions. Of course, it turned out that priest LOVED Lynette's approach and, to try to gain a vague position within the ladies' auxiliary Bree had to convince Lynette to come back to the Presbyterian church.

Honestly, my favorite thing about this storyline was how the gospel church in town is apparently next to the airport, according to Bree. I can understand appreciate that the character of Lynette would seek guidance from a higher power given all the horrible things that have happened lately, but I don't really feel like the show took her to task enough for sort of cherrypicking and lightheartedly trying to decide what religion worked best for her. Mostly though, I feel like this whole "Lynette finds her religion" thing was mostly a one-week distraction and, as a result, sort of a waste of time since it's not going to be bring any significant changes to the character.

Fortunately, the storyline was carried by the two best actresses on the show (Marcia Cross and Felicity Huffman), who made it watchable. As did Orson's exasperated looks and snide remarks when dealing with Bree and the damaged "Van de Kamp" DNA. These two are quickly becoming one of my favorite couples on the show.

My other favorite couple is headed down the aisle — again. Now that Victor is dead, Gabby is free to marry Carlos, which she does after enlisting help from her disapproving minister in a funny scene carried by Longoria-Parker. The only problem is that Gabby isn't aware that Carlos' blindness could be permanent.

Of course, Carlos' stupidly lied and said he'd regain his vision in "four months" tops, but was exposed by Edie who told Gabby the truth, leading to an amusing, but unnecessarily cruel scene of Gabby making Carlos fall over obstacles in their home and drinking dishwater. The scene where he fesses up should've been emotional, but the problem is that when Gabby asks Carlos if he really thought she was shallow enough to leave him if he were permanently blind, the answer is, um, YES. He does think that. Everyone who's ever seen this show does. Another problem is that there's no chance Carlos is permanently blind.

Meanwhile, Susan's soap-star-looking cousin Timmy dropped by the neighborhood to do her taxes, and her neighbor Katherine Mayfair. After Timmy told Susan that he'd lost his job because he slept with his boss's 18-year-old daughter, we were lead to believe that Timmy had his sights set on Katherine's young daughter Dylan (but Susan weirdly didn't have any concerns about her own daughter Julie).

Eventually, interrupted a visit to an oddly good-natured Mike in rehab (I'm sorry, but James Denton, just CANNOT act on this show) to catch Timmy and Katherine in bed. Turns out Katherine had taken Timmy's virginity when he was 16.

Of course, it also randomly turns out that Timmy had witnessed Katherine whacking her husband on the head. What's the deal? Did Timmy forget that he'd possibly witnessed a murder? Do we know for sure that this flashback assault was what led to Katherine's husband's death?

Most importantly, does anyone really care? I kind of snoozed through the scene where Katherine begged her husband Adam to cover up for her again, because I don't really care about the mystery sounding her ex-husband's death. I say this as a big fan of Delaney's work this season on "Desperate Housewives" and as one of the big reasons the show has new life. Every character that moves into the neighborhood doesn't HAVE to come with some sort of deep dark secret (please don't let the gay neighbors have a secret). The character of Katherine is more effective when she's mixing it up with the other women, particularly Bree. Fortunately, from upcoming previews, it looks like that's going to be the case.

So what'd you think of this episode? What sort of grown man goes by "Timmy"? (In fact, what male over the age of 12 goes by "Timmy"?) Where the hell WERE Bob and Lee? Buying more hideous sculptures? Finally, when are they going to have Edie do something other than meddle in other people's affairs and give her a life?

Leatherheads Review

Well I guess this is what happens when you try to do too much.

I got the impression that, with "Leatherheads", director/star George Clooney set out to make a sports film about the early days of professional football AND an homage to the witty, fast-talking screwball comedies of the 1920's. Unfortunately, Clooney ends up coming up short in both departments.

Not that "Leatherheads" is bad. It helps to have three likable actors in the lead roles. Clooney stars as "Dodge" Connelly, a player for the Duluth Bulldogs, a professional football team during a time when the game was sort of a joke. John Krasinski (The Office) plays Carter Rutherford, a star in the much more popular college football game, who also happens to be a war hero. Renee Zellwegger plays Lexie Littleton, a fast-talking reporter sent to investigate claims that Carter's exploits during WWI were not as heroic as he claims.

Clooney the director once again does a nice job of lovingly recreating a specific period in American history. He keeps the pace appropriately light and the plot moving forward. The costumes (gotta love the old football uniforms) and the music by Randy Newman, also lend major assists in making the period come to life.

Still, whenever somebody starts complimenting the costumes and the music, you have to figure a movie's lacking in other areas.

It's not the acting, exactly, but the fact that the two leads mostly appear to be on cruise control. Clooney is his usual roguish, charming self, but his fast-talking character is the same one we've seen in "O Brother Where Art Thou" and "Intolerable Cruelty." Zellwegger too seems to be channeling her past period performances in "Chicago" and "Cinderella Man", albeit with a snazzier wardrobe (damnit, I'm talking about the costumes again!)

Out of the cast, I'd say Krasinski acquitted himself the best, bringing charm and even a little dramatic depth to the role of a conflicted golden boy. (Then again, I COULD be saying all this because I'm incredibly biased toward anyone associated with "The Office.") Jonathan Pryce was solid and appropriately sleazy as an opportunistic agent and Stephen Root stole ever scene he was in as a mostly-drunk reporter.

No, the problem, as I said before was lack of focus.

I would've loved to have seen a movie about the beginnings of pro football, and what the game was like back then because we haven't really had that yet. And Clooney does deliver a few amusing football sequences and what the sport was like back then for the players, but not enough to do justice to a subject matter that should definitely be explored.

A lot of that was sacrificed in favor of the love triangle/screwball comedy portion, which also falls short. Clooney and Zellwegger have decent, but not great chemistry together and one lovely romantic scene. I kind of wish there had been more scenes with the three leads together to sort of push the love triangle, um, angle, which ends up falling flat.

Clooney and Zellwegger also have a few rapid-fire/witty exchanges that I wish would've been pushed even further and used more throughout the film. It probably didn't help that I watched "The Hudsucker Proxy" by the Coen Bros. the night before (an expertly done tribute to the screwball comedies of the 20's). Clooney's a good director, but he's not nearly THAT good yet.

In the end, Clooney made an entertaining film that, while not as good as his previous two directorial efforts ("Confessions of a Dangerous Mind" and "Good Night, and Good Luck") is more fun. Next time, he should pick ONE movie and make it, instead of trying to do two at once.

Leatherheads...B-

John's Quick Hit Thoughts on "Idol Gives Back"

Since I didn’t exactly watch the whole thing — and I actually spent the entire duration of the show unpacking from my recent move with the TV in the background — I’ll only give you some of my quick, random thoughts on the event, instead of a proper recap.

Were the 12 finalists REALLY talking on the phone to anyone?

The opening group number to Rihanna’s "Please Don’t Stop the Music" was surprisingly not excruciating. I’d say it was 60 percent less excruciating than the usual group number.

It was clever to also use the opening number as a commercial for the upcoming season of "So You Think You Can Dance."

Why the hell did this start at 7:30? The first 20 minutes were so boring that I flipped over to Jeopardy during Snoop Dogg’s performance.

Does it make me a terrible person that I sat through most of this thing and didn’t donate anything? (I suspect I’m probably a bad person for completely unrelated reasons.)

No matter how many times I hear David Beckham speak, I’m always a little taken aback by how his speaking voice doesn’t really match how he looks.

The Teri Hatcher bit where she sang "Before He Cheats" was NOT a trainwreck. In fact, it was fun! I’m not saying Teri should sign up for the next season of "Idol," but it was a silly, enjoyable bit nevertheless. Still, my favorite part was the random TV stars on stage who comprise "Band from TV" — Dr. Chase (Jesse Spencer) from "House" in his own world on the violin/fiddle, Mike Delfino (James Denton) from "Desperate Housewives" weirdly rocking out on guitar, and Matt Parkman (Greg Grunberg) from "Heroes" with one of those silly hats on drums. Also, I’d rather watch Teri Hatcher sing than this.

Why would Miley Cyrus agree to appear on this show if they were only going to make her look like a conceited brat during her bit with Billy Crystal where she runs down her success.

Also, this was the first time I saw her sing and, though I get that she’s a great role model and only 15, I just don’t get the hysteria surrounding the "Hannah Montana" phenomenon. She’s a nice girl and a passable singer, so why does it cost $500 to go to a concert?

Not that it was a competition or anything, but Forest Whitaker and Annie Lennox had the most effective packages from Africa. Really heartbreaking stuff.

By the way, OMG Annie Lennox is like SO fierce!

Speaking of fierce, is Fergie’s mission to perform in every single show ever? That being said, she was really good last night — although I felt like she DID sort of upstage Heart during "Barracuda." She was certainly better than Mariah Carey last night who actually sounded like she was sick or something. When did you think you’d see a show where Fergie would outperform Mariah?

I love me some "Rent", but that "Seasons of Love" group performance was pretty blah. It was downright bad in a couple of spots, but David A. saved it nicely. I give it a C, mostly because nobody stepped up and tried to hit the high note towards the end. Boo.

Brad Pitt’s grand entrance would’ve been a lot more effective if his mic had worked properly. Still, people screamed almost as loudly for him as they do for David Archuleta, so that’s nice.


Even though Jimmy Kimmel was actually pretty funny, we get it — Simon wears the same, ill-fitting clothes all the time and has man-breasts. I’m not really sure it was a great idea to turn the introduction of Simon and his charity video package into a roast.

That being said, Kimmel fared a lot better than Robin Williams. Sure, I chuckled a few times, but Williams just seems like he’s stuck in 1998, doing the same schtick (which went on for too long, by the way).

Finally, I’m really incredibly fortunate to be in a far more privileged situation than a lot of the people featured on the telecast. I’ll never take what I have for granted. Great job out of Idol raising more than $22 million to help them out.

So what’d you think of this show? Is Teri Hatcher a better singer than Carrie Underwood is an actress? Who was your favorite/least favorite performance? Finally, when is Robin Williams going to make a good movie again? I kinda miss him.

American Idol: Some Uninspiring Performances

What is the deal with this season of American Idol?

Whenever I start to actually start to buy the hype that this might really be the most talented group ever, we get a bunch of "meh" performances like last night. And whenever a contestant surges to the front and looks like a clear front-runner, he falls on his face.

Hopefully, David Cook (pictured, right, and I wish he would "give back" those two minutes of my life when he sang last night) can pick himself up off the ground after what as, let’s face it, just a terrible performance in every way. Nobody (or maybe it was just me) knew what he was singing (Our Lady of Peace’s "Innocent"), so I thought that maybe he was supposed to sound that bad in the beginning. Later, he started jumping octaves (thanks for the right terminology Erica) and eventually wound up wandering over to the judges’ table where only Paula was into what he was doing. To cap it all off, he ended his performance by revealing that he’d written "give back" in his hand. I’m sure it seemed like a great idea at the time, and I’m probably being way too cynical, but when I saw that, I kinda wanted to insert an emoticon for *eye roll* into my notes.

So to summarize, David C. badly sang a song that nobody knew, and looked mildly ridiculous and lost while doing so. Other than that, I liked it. Either way, he’ll be back.

On the other hand, former clear cut front-runner David Archuleta smartly took on Robbie Williams’ "Angels." When I found out it was "inspirational song" week, I kinda dreaded hearing David A’s performance because, as we know, EVERY week is "inspirational song" week for him. Still, it was nice and surprising seeing him pick such a great song. The only problem was that he started off kinda rough, the first part of the chorus was slightly underwhelming, but he ended strongly. He probably should’ve hit a home run with that song, but instead came up with a nice double down the line.

Since up was down and cats and dogs were living together during last night’s wacky show, I have to say that Kristy Lee Cook (even while still robotically standing at the mic stand) delivered one of the best performances of the evening. Yes, THAT Kristy Lee Cook. Sure, she’s still not vocally in the league of most of her competitors, but she keeps confirming my theory that she’s some sort of evil genius by picking a song (Martina McBride’s "Anyway") that appeals to a large number of people and is right in her wheelhouse.

The same could be said of Jason Castro, who bounced back nicely with a very nice performance of Israel Kamakawiwo’ole’s (it was a bitch to spell that properly, but I do it for you, dear readers) "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." (I believe, the first time a ukulele has graced the "Idol" stage.) This was actually my favorite performance of the night. I’ve now resigned myself to the fact that Jason is just going to go out there and deliver the same performance every time. Still, if he’s going to do so, he might as well sing as well as he did last night.

To a lesser extent, Brooke White also had a nice bounce back week with a performance of "You’ve got a Friend" everyone in America pretty much agreed was "pleasant and, nice". Those are words that describe Brooke perfectly, but it’s not exactly resounding praise for her vocal skills (which she needs to showcase again ala "Let it be"), so I think she’s due to a return trip to the bottom three.

This despite the fact that I would personally put Michael Johns in that spot. It was really disappointing to see him stray from his bluesy Dolly Parton success last week and fall back into doing decent-to-pale imitations of rock legends like Jim Morrison and Freddy Mercury. Last night’s pale imitation was of Steven Tyler. It wasn’t a bad performance, it was just a lesser impersonation, and he needs to go back to doing the sexy bluesy thing that works for him. Also, the leopard-y ascot he busted out — not so sexy. I get that he was trying to channel some of that ascot magic from last week, but just no.

Still, since MJ is this season’s resident sex symbol, he’s not going to be in the bottom three, so I look for Carly Smithson and Syesha Mercado to join Brooke in the bottom three.

Carly took on Queen’s "The Show Must Go On", but the way she performed it seemed like she was angry at the song, and at everyone else, instead of being embarrassing. Even her usually strong vocals were a bit off. I loved Simon’s totally insincere "You look great" comment to make up for all the flak he caught last week for dissing her looks. Still, the fact that he mentioned that she might be in some trouble is, in my opinion, a way for him to mobilize her fans and get her to stay in the competition.

Which leaves Syesha Mercado as my pick to go home. We gave Ramiele Malubay a lot of crap for picking songs that were done before (and better). Well, obviously Syesha is a much stronger singer than Ramiele, but the fact remains that she keeps taking on songs that she has no hope of reinventing or improving upon. This week it was Fantasia’s "I Believe" and, again, it was song well (maybe even REALLY well), but, since it’s so identified with Fantasia’s crowning moment, it comes up short. Syesha’s back and forth with Randy (who spoke more during the first two performances than he has the entire season) did her no favors and made her seem petulant.

So what did you think of this episode? Which song or Idol inspires you? Are you going to all, some or none of "Idol Gives Back"? Finally, who’s going home tonight?

Hell's Kitchen: Are You Sure You Want To Shut Down

Welcome to "Hell", my friends! (Or at least, my first ever "Hell’s Kitchen" recap.)

Part of the reason I’ve decided to review this show is because there are so many scripted programs that aren’t on right now because of the writer’s strike, that I’m just itching for something to write about. Mostly though, this ridiculously over-edited program makes me laugh out loud more than most comedies on TV.

This should actually be my second recap, since I missed the first episode while I was in Puerto Rico. I actually last night’s (the second) episode before I got around to watching the season premiere on tape (Yep, still using tape). Anyway, this recap will be my thoughts on the first two episodes, so excuse me if I jump back and forth between each installment a bit.

First off, I love how the Hell’s Kitchen restaurant looks like site of a movie premiere (spotlights, long red carpet) for no apparent reason. I also liked seeing clips from last season (crying Aaron) to get us in the mood for this new set of donkeys.

Once the new cast boarded the bus on the way to "Hell’s Kitchen", it wasn’t difficult to spot a couple of the fools. There was Craig, the 5’5" guy who looks and sounds like E from "Entourage" and wears a ridiculously big chef hat to compensate for — something. There was also Bobby, who fancies himself a four-star general and the black Gordon Ramsay. Mostly though, he’s more like a non-shrimp obsessed Bubba from "Forrest Gump." (We wouldn’t learn until a little later that Jason is a major chauvinist pig.)

Then there was the creepy quiet guy who kinda looked like Ozzy Osbourne. Oh wait, that was Chef Ramsay in disguise (?!) spying on the donkeys. This was so deliciously absurd that it’s something I’d expect out of Tyra Banks. Anyway, Ramsay revealed himself after Jean Philippe asked a few of them to do their best impersonations of Chef Ramsay.

Ramsay announced that this year’s contestants would be vying to run Ramsay’s own Los Angeles eatery, London LA. (um, got it?) This actually sounds like a much more legit sounding prize than previous, dubious-sounding offers to run restaurants in resorts no one ever visits (where are you, Rock?)

Shortly thereafter, the chefs cooked their signature dishes for Ramsay, who only REALLY liked Vanessa’s plate and sort of detested Matt’s dish (including an odd combo of venison, scallops and white chocolate) which made him throw up. That can’t have been good for anyone, except for stay-at-home dad Dominic, whose dish followed Matt and who was mostly just relieved he didn’t make Ramsay throw up.

Since Vanessa did so well, the women saw that as an opportunity to nominate her as captain, despite the fact that she didn’t really seem to want it that much. Still, they dedicated most of their time to learning the menu. Meanwhile, the men couldn’t decide who to nominate as captain before settling on Bobby and were so tired from the process, they decided to go to sleep without learning the menu.

Obviously, this came back to haunt them the next day when none of the men could tell Ramsay what was on his own menu (ouch), but it doesn’t really excuse how Petrozza (after stuffing a hen in a pumpkin earlier) STILL didn’t know what was on the menu the second week, leading to a quiet, instant classic "I’m done" mini-meltdown. Honestly, other than diminutive/toilet brush head Louross and Ben, the men not only seem like terrible contestants, but they actually seem like they’re mentally challenged.

The first dinner service was predictably awful. The women were having risotto issues (why would you audition for this show without knowing how to cook risotto?), while the men suffered from weak leadership from Bobby. Bubba had claimed that he would jump in when help was needed, but when his team started drowning, Bobby claimed he didn’t want to add to the chaos.

When each team actually got around to serving their food, everyone had gone home (oops), leading Ramsay to "shu tit down!"

Since no one "won" during dinner service, Ramsay named the men as the biggest losers and Louross (who stepped up to lead in place of Bobby) nominated Bubba and Dominic(?!) instead of Jason who’d done a poor job cooking and was actually smoking a cig upstairs when dinner service started. Louross seemed disappointed when Ramsay sent goofy Dominic home instead of goofy and retarded Bobby, which makes me think he nominated Dominic in the hopes that Ramsay would eliminate Bobby (which makes me lose a bit of respect for Louross for his failed strategy — and for sticking us with Jason for another week).

Especially since I’m pretty sure that was Jason in his underwear we saw sleeping early next morning when the chef’s were woken up to sort through all the garbage they’d wasted the night before. I know this was supposed to show them the value of doing a good job so food isn’t waste, but mostly I think it was to humiliate them.

Later, Ramsay showed the chef’s how to properly cut a halibut into clean six ounce portions and the challenge was for each team to do the same. When the men and women tied (!) it came down a tie-breaker between Ben and Corey, who had to select a piece that was closest to weighing six ounces. When Ben came up with one that weighed 5.9 ounces, there was really nothing Corey or any of the other women could have done, but that didn’t stop Jen from complaining and throwing her under the bus anyway (sigh).

As a reward, the men (looking goofier than usual) got to join Ramsay on his superyacht before the next dinner service, which would feature one member of each team serving as maitre’d. Ramsay picked Lil’ Craig for the men and Noo Yawk Roseann for the women In case you didn’t know Roseann is from New York, she’ll probably tell you eventually. Unfortunately, she wasn’t much of a maitre’d as she was slow to take orders, but I’d still have to give her the edge over Craig who actually bopped a customer over the head with a chair.

In the kitchen, the team’s showed actually showed improvement (they actually got some food served!), but they were still mildly horrendous so Ramsay had to "shu tit down" for a second week in a row.

Since the men actually managed to get some appetizers out early, they were deemed the winners. Corey was deemed "Best of the Worst" and, to paraphrase Jim Halpert, I think that may have been the least amount of power to go to someone’s head.
She relished the role a bit too much, and ended up nominated Jen (personal reasons) and Christina (she said it was strategic, but they were really personal reasons) for elimination. Ramsay sniffed out that a contestant was playing strategically again instead of nominating the two worst people and decided to fire Sharon the Barbie instead, who did a terrible job of cooking and creeped Ramsay out by constantly licking her lips with her tongue, leading him to call her "Hannibal"! (I love that he didnt’ put up with that BS.)

So what’d you think of these first two episodes? Did you see anyone you would trust your favorite CD with, much less a restaurant? When exactly does a yacht become a superyacht? (Same time a model becomes a supermodel, I suppose.) Who is your favorite and least favorite contestant? Finally, will the teams actually get through a dinner service next week?

Dancing with the Stars: Chasing Kristi

First off, let me apologize because, for the second week in a row, I have to rush out a quickie recap.

Secondly, let me thank my lovely substitute for filling in for me while I was in Puerto Rico last week.

The reason I didn’t write this sooner is because, on top of being out of the country last week, I’ve spent the better part of this week moving into a new apartment (with my aforementioned lovely assistant).

Ok, enough excuse-making: let’s jump into this.

I thought this week’s episode of "Dancing with the Stars" was a vast improvement over last week’s lackadaisical effort. That being said, I felt the judges overscored a few performances when they pulled out the first 10s of the season.

Jason Taylor looked fantastic doing during his Viennese waltz. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: it’s kind of mindblowing how good of a dancer this guy is. This week, I was impressed by his fantastic posture. Still, a 10 is a perfect score, and when you trip on a step, you’re not perfect. You know how I know he tripped? Because Jason admitted that he tripped.

Then there’s Kristi Yamaguchi. I was glad the producers had her dance first (and not make us have to wait until 9:32 p.m.) Once again, she was her usual technical self and her rehearsal footage placed a special emphasis on her lack of emotion while dancing. So what did Kristy do? She improved, but her performances are still missing a connection with the audience and, to a lesser degree, with her partner. Sometimes I feel like they’re just awesomely dancing in the general vicinity of each other, instead of with each other.

Still, the reason this show was stronger was because a few of the contenders in the middle of the pack stepped up their game. And because we saw a unicycle for the first time in a ballroom.

Seriously, who the hell knew Adam Corolla (pictured, right, looking particularly orange) could even ride a unicycle? While dressed as Zorro? The whole thing was bizarrely impressive. Unfortunately, as Adam pointed out, he had to dance once he got off the unicycle. Even though he had the week’s lowest scores, I think he’ll stick around another week because he seemed to take Julianne’s advice to "not offend anyone". In fact he was genuinely funny last night, remarking that he looked like a silent porn star, which is just a funny image.

Whereas Adam’s performance was probably rated right where it should be, there were other couples whose scores didn’t really reflect their performances.

Cristian got a 26 for a paso doble that was technically solid, but not very electrifying. Judge Carrie Ann Inaba was moved to tears by Marlee’s waltz, but apparently wasn’t moved enough to give her more than an 8. Mario and Karina got straight 8’s basically for not embarrassing themselves after last week’s embarrassing tango. And while I wouldn’t use the word "boring" to describe Marissa’s paso doble, it was merely pedestrian, and I felt that the judges overrated it because they were afraid she might have a mental breakdown if she got low scores again. Also, she went last and they were running out of time.

It was also a bit off-putting how more than a few contestants (and Samantha) seem to have made Kristi some sort of front-running villain that needs to be vanquished.

One of those performers was Priscilla Presley. After a roller skating field trip, I actually liked Priscilla waltz. Sure, there were a couple of missteps and a posture issue (and a lift that wasn’t really there), but I forgive it all for their finishing move where Louis tossed Priscilla toward the camera.

Finally, my favorite NJT-NKY (Non Jason Taylor- Non Kristy Yamaguchi) performance of the night was Shannon Elizabeth’s waltz. While partner Derek Hough recovered from a neck injury (it was high comedy watching him insist that he was fine while wearing a neck brace), Shannon practiced with Jonathan Roberts (who has nothing to do since Monica Seles is eliminated). Their performance was lovely. It told a story, and Shannon keeps getting better every week. If it were possible for a woman to win this competition, I’d say she’s a dark horse.

So what’d you think of this episode? Do you think some of the performances were overrated? Kristy’s not really a bad person at all, right? What unconventional mode of transportation should make its way onto the ballroom next week?

American Idol: Dollywood week: Working 9 to 8

Ok, so this is John’s girlfriend, Erica, filling in as your official entertainment reporter. As I’m not nearly as dedicated or talented a writer as he is, I’m writing this recap the day after the show (sorry if you were expecting it earlier). It’s not like this episode was that inspiring- in fact, it was a little on the boring side. I mean, the theme this week was Dolly Parton songs. April Fools! No, wait. It really was Dolly Parton songs. What fool came up with that one?

Speaking of April fools, the host of the show had to start things off with the lamest April Fools prank statement ever. I mean Ryan Seacrest...I actually forgot his name and had to ask my little brother (who’s name is coincidentally Johnny). I mean, the Seacrest is ok in my book... He does do his ‘thing’. So, I pretty much blame American Idol, the show, for the lame intro that went something like this, in my best Ryan Seacrest voice, “Good evening. (pause) We've just been informed that due to industrial action by the LEAGUE of AMERICAN Vocal Coaches (pause) -tonight's episode has been preempted (pause)....In it's PLACE we're showing a special celebrity edition of the Moment of Truth staring our very own Simon Cowell...we'll see you next week....(camera pans out and away).....April Fools-THIS is AMERICAN Idol!

Ok, so Ashton Kutcher is much better at the whole ‘you’ve been punk’d’ thing. They should have started the whole thing off with Ryan Seacrest explaining how it was the third Beatles week. APRIL FOOLS! No, silly! It’s Dolly Parton week! Huh? No, seriously! (David Archuleta goes, “Who’s that?”)

So after greeting the judges and taking a cheapshot at Simon that made no sense (something like, Simon Cowell, who’s heart stopped beating a few minutes ago), the Seacrest sells Dolly Parton as ‘red hot, for 40 years and counting.’ Oooh, Seacrest like the Dolly. I mean, she is a mildly legendary singer/songwriter, country music icon, and has huge knockers and all, but when was the last time you heard anything from Dolly Parton? (Watch out for her new album coming out next summer!...I’m guessing) And what’s the deal? This isn’t Nashville Star. Where are the pop idols that these kids are supposed to emulate?

So now it’s time for the kids to meet this star. Seacrest: Roll the tape!

Just as we are forced to accept “Dolly Parton” as a legitimate theme, after two straight Beatles weeks, and then a random “Hit Songs that Came Out the Year Ya Came Outta Yo Momma week,” ?, the kids are FORCED to sing Dolly Parton’s hit song “Working 9 to 5.” I don’t know why, but I found this very amusing. Especially the part when a thought bubble appeared above Ramiele’s head saying “I wonder what working 9 to 5 is like...”

So, anyway, we quickly move on to the rehearsals, Dolly’s feedback and ensuing performances...

Dolly (we’re on a first name basis after the respect I’ve displayed for her so far), admitted that as a singer, it’s really hard for her to criticize other singers. (I think Paula likes to use this as an excuse too.) So much like Gwen Stefani, a past singer/mentor on the show, she was mostly nice to everyone. Not a bad thing, but not necessarily helpful.

Brooke White, 24, starts things off with a song called “Jolene” (I think). It’s cool. It’s all about this girl begging some other hoochie not to steal her man. “Honesty and warmth,” is what Dolly critically notices about Brooke. Man, that Dolly is brutal. Anyway, as Brooke performs on stage, we notice that she is rocking some sweet sailor pants! Anyone else notice that? She always looks so cute! Ok, so anyway, other than that, she also looks a little scared and timid. She kind of races through the song a few hairs too quickly, even though she sounds pretty good. Simon criticizes how fast it is, Randy likes it okay and Paula stops the show with her comment, “You.....are- *nerves slowing firing in brain* Brooke- White.” Brooke could have said “And you- are- Paula-Adbul!”, but opts to compliment her on her hair instead. That Brooke is so polite! Paula brilliantly answers back with “So does your hair look great.” Even Yoda wouldn’t say that!

Moving on, David “Big head/Cookie” Cooke, sings his own arrangement of Dolly Parton’s “Little Sparrow.” Dolly critically points out that Cookie-head has an ‘absolutely beautiful voice and heart and that he reaches very far vocally and often catches “it”.’ And that he has a flaky crust.

He definitely reaches for ‘it’ with “Little Sparrow,’ and in my opinion doesn’t totally catch ‘it.’ (Wait! Reaching for something and catching it makes no sense...whatever.) I thought the song was not only really repetitive, but that the key was just a little too high for his voice. He hit all the high notes with this puny, airy, little falsetto boy voice that didn’t do it for me at all. Sing like a man, Cookie. Eh, wasn’t my favorite, but of course, the judges ate it up, with milk. (Get it? He’s a cookie.) Did anyone notice that there was a “Coca-Cola” logo displayed on the bottom left corner of the screen the entire time he was singing? Mmm....Cookies and coca-cola.

*two-note effect*

It’s not my fault. As my mom said during the performance with a thick, Colombian accent, “Today is booooring.” Yes, it really kinda was.

So, let’s shake things up with the next kid, Ramiele “Lame” Malubay.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, say I.

Anyway, during rehearsal, Dolly’s thoughts on Ramiele were that she was “so cute, sweet, scared, and precious,” and that “being lil’ ain’t stop you from doing big things.’ That’s what she said.

So the little voice in the little package took the stage with some modern looking black overalls and flat ironed, processed hair, and did better than normal. She seemed somewhat comfortable with her voice but she is still way too self-conscious out there. She just came across as awkward and shy in a non-endearing way (cp Brooke White) and the melody was completely lost on me.

Randy accurately summed it up by saying that the song was ‘actually good for her’ and that the performance was pretty good, “maybe 6.5/10.” Simon calls it ‘cute but forgettable...cruise ship singer caliber at most.’ That Simon has been to a lot of karaoke shows, weddings, and cruises, no?

(Did anyone notice the Mac commercial with the comedienne from “Misguided”? Awesome!)

After the break, the show comes back with the Seacrest sharing fan mail with Jason “Colombian Neo-Hippie” Castro. Apparently, his singing ‘shakes all the stress away,’ for one viewer. Whatever. He’s good, but just plain lazy (probably all the pot he smokes). Dolly Parton, politely insults Castro, grabbing his hair and telling him “I would dread to have those locks.” She also called him “funky looking, but cool.” Castro should have come back by calling her “fake looking, but cool,” but he’s too lazy to come up with a comeback.

Anyway, the Colombian Neo-Hippie sounded pretty good on “Travelin” and the song actually tested his high range for once! Randy called it ‘pretty good.’ Paula, like always judged the person instead of the performance and called him ‘strong and confident.’ Simon however “didn’t like it at all” and “didn’t get it.” In my opinion though, Jason did really well, for him. The song was much more challenging than usual and for Heaven’s sake, he somehow pulled off a Spanish-Country fusion.

(John is way more concise, so if you’re still reading, good for you. And he’ll be back next week)

Anyway, next kiddo: Carly Smithson. Wow. So Dolly Parton pretty much praised Carly as sounding better singing her song than she ever did. “She killed it,” Dolly stated. (In a good way, right?) Carly starts up and she has that one black guy that accompanies everyone on stage with her. That guy is truly multi-talented with instruments. Anyway, I always love to watch Carly, because she has great technique and a very strong voice, but there were a few little nit picky things to note here. The key change in the song was a little unnecessary and a little rough and the song in general was a little over-sung. However, compared to everyone else, she turned her Dolly Parton song into a real pop tune you could hear on la radio. She made it dramatic, held out powerful notes, and did a lot of belting. That’s pretty much pop in a nutshell. I mean, most of the other kids just can’t do what she did.

Randy called her performance ‘one of the better ones.’ Paula chimed in with an excited and constipated sounding “OH MY GOD!” Simon called it ‘good but not great’ (he’s always hard on her!) and added, ‘by the way, have a word with whomever’s dressing you. You’re not progressing towards looking like a star.’ In other words, “Ya look frumpy.’

Changing gears, future Disney Channel star, David Archuleta was up next with “Smoky Mountain Memories.” Dolly Parton ‘trying to keep her fake eyelashes in place’ was touched and said ‘Chuleta had the ‘voice to become a really great singer.’ His actual performance featured a vocally weak and sloppy entrance but got better, with some really well done high notes, instead of the usual medium-rare ones. Yet another mushy, inspirational song that you’d see with the ending credits of Cinderella 4: The Glass Slipper of the Future. Strong performance though. The kid’s not going anywhere near the bottom three anytime soon. Randy called it the best so far. Paula barked the word “GLORIOUS!” and Simon simply stated it was ‘on the money.’

Next up, was Kristy Lee Cook (not Cooke, like David Cookie). She was pretty much a total suck up to Dolly Parton, tossing compliments at her left and right and choosing a song near and dear to Dolly’s heart, “Coat of Many Colors.” Watching this performance, it was probably a good song for her but it was too country-ish. It kinda reminded me of Beatles week #1. Where’s my banjo? The fact that she sang sitting down for the first two whole verses of the song, both impressed me (it’s really hard to get the same power singing while you’re sitting that you can get standing up) and confused me. Standing up during the chorus, however, she artificially created dynamics in this somewhat boring rendition. She ended really well with some really strong high notes. Pretty shrewd. Still don’t really like her though.

Randy commented that country music was definitely her ‘wheelhouse’. Paula stammered that it was stunning and her best performance yet (she always says that, no?). Simon disagreed completely, calling it ‘pleasant but forgettable’. Seacrest felt left out so he decided to comment on her bare feet, “I love your French pedicure, girlfriend! *hand wave*.’

The next two performances were by far, my favorites of the night and probably the only ones that I’d actually watch again.

Syesha courageously took on Dolly Parton’s “I Will Always Love You.” As a general rule, taking on anything sung by Whitney Houston is pretty much singer suicide. However, Dolly called it a ‘real good choice’ and called Syesha a ‘pretty girl and good singer.’ Syesha tried to balance the simplicity of Dolly’s original version with the vocal acrobatics of Whitney’s legendary rendition, in conclusion, making it her own, (see Singer’s Handbook, Page 226). She started off sitting on a piano for Verse 1, and from there gradually built up drama and an emotional connection with the audience that stretched through solidly belted high notes and a powerfully held out note on the word ‘looooove’ at the end.

Ok, so the judges didn’t love it as much as I did. Randy noted that she ‘took on the biggest tiger and did aight.’ Paula strung these descriptive words together about Syesha, ‘velvety tone’, ‘growing’, and ‘connecting’, such as. Simon, unfortunately, said that ‘he wished she hadn’t chosen that song, because it paled it comparison to Whitney Houston.’ At that point, Syesha and I both did a double-take. Sorry, Simon, but she wasn’t trying to copy Whitney. It was Dolly Parton week and she took elements from both Dolly’s and Whitney’s arrangements and made it her own! She took a risk that no other kid there would and pulled it off! Geez!

Following that up, the last performance of the evening was actually and unexpectedly my favorite, even more so than my girl, Syesha. Two first names: Michael Johns.

So yeah, Michael Johns actually seemed like the biggest, most genuine fan of Dolly’s. The feeling was mutual as Dolly said that he could ‘make good records’ and she could write songs for him. Sweet!

So the Michael-Johns took on the most sensual song of the evening wearing of all things, an ascot. *giggle* I didn’t catch the title, but I did catch a couple of suggestive lines in the song like ‘Tell Me Sexy Lovin’ Lies.” Scandalous! It was perfect for his voice and I normally don’t like his voice that much. It’s kinda cracky. But it was grrrrreat! It was rock-blues-hot and entertaining! Didn’t catch Randy’s commentary but Paula called him a ‘rock star, a blues star, and gorgeous.’ (Oh man, that’s similar to what I wrote...eek!) Simon said it was his best performance to date.

In John’s style, it’s now the time to ask a few questions that will haunt you until next week. What will they come up with for next week’s theme? My vote is Sesame Street Songs. I personally wanna see David Cookie sing a rock version of “C is for Cookie.” Who’s getting voted off? Please just get rid of Ramiele already. She sucks. Also, what did you think of the random Vanna White cameo during the show? Will Kristy Lee Cook wear shoes next time and Seacrest get a French manicure? Oh and this just in from CNN, David Cookie was taken to the hospital last night on the show! He had some heart palpitations and high blood pressure. He’s also dealing with family stress as his brother is battling health problems. Sympathy vote! No, but seriously, take care, Cookie. Take care.

Dancing with the Stars: Jive Turkeys

All right everybody, this is going to be a lightning quick "Dancing with the Stars" recap because I have to hop on a plane to Puerto Rico in a few hours for the rest of the week for my grandmother’s memorial service.

(Hopefully, I’ll be able to get a very skilled, and very beautiful writer to pinch hit for me.)

It should be pretty easy to do because this week’s installment was mostly a disappointment, so there really aren’t too many positive things to talk about.

I understand the idea of "saving the best for last", but having to sit through an hour and fifteen minutes of mostly underwhelming performances before we got to Jason Taylor and Kristi Yamaguchi was painful.

I’d even argue they weren’t on their game. Taylor missed a few spots during his jive, which wasn’t nearly hoppy enough. I know tall guys tend to be more conscious (*cough* Clyde Drexler *cough*), but Taylor needed to go bigger. Or as Len said, "sometimes you’re the rooster, other times you’re the feather duster" (his version of "You’re the disease, and I’m the cure", I suppose.)

Kristi was her usual excellent self, despite the fact that the rehearsal footage unsuccessfully tried to drum up some obstacle for her to overcome. This time, it was her inhibition when tackling the tango. I’d love to get into her performance, but I was too distracted by the band’s techno-flavored take on Duran Duran’s "Rio" to notice anything she did on the dance floor. Len and Carrie Ann had valid points when pointing out that she needed to convey more emotion or joy (or anything!) through her excellent technique. Meanwhile, Bruno did NOT have a valid point when he said he wanted her to be a dirty girl.

The rest was mostly a muddle of mediocrity.

How bad was it? One of my favorite performances of the evening was Adam Corolla’s tango (and I say that in a completely unironic way). Don’t look now, but he’s getting better every week. Now if only he could keep his mouth shut. This week he rambled on about pimps, prostitutes and made slightly homophobic remarks about the costume designer. He’s not as bad as Penn though. Another performance I really enjoyed was Priscilla Presley’s tango. I continue to be surprised at how well she can move. This performance would’ve been even more effective if she were able to emote with her face.

I thought Shannon and Derek had a fun, but exhausting routine (Derek is a genius at choreography), but her leg work is improved, but not where it needs to be. Steve Guttenberg came back with a decent tango, but he was still shuffling his feet quite a bit. I mostly liked that he referred to himself as "The Gute" (I thought that was only something other people did). Marlee opened the show with a fun, but sloppy jive. She missed a couple of beats, but I’ll forgive that because, hello, she’s deaf. Finally, I didn’t get the high praise for Cristian’s jive and thought he was WAY overscored with a 25. I thought his arms were pretty bad throughout (who am I, Carrie Ann?) and he was slouchy most of the time. It’s like they REALLY want him to be better than he actually is.

Last and certainly least are Marissa and Mario. I feel kind of a bad that the judges let her have it after her hella lame jive, but I kind of agree with them. She’s got a freakin’ Tony award for "Hairspray", so we KNOW she can dance, but she’s yet to bring it to the ballroom. What I didn’t agree with was the judges questioning her effort. Unfortunately, I don’t think she’s going to get a chance to show us what she can do, despite her desperate cries of "I really want to stay." Even though they wasted a fun jive song (Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend") my favorite thing about the performance was Tony's ridiculous preppy sweater and the fact that he incorporated female extras into the beginning of his routine.

That’s because I think Mario (pictured, left, with partner Karina) has earned enough goodwill to stay around for at least one more week. This despite the fact that his tango was the epitomy of "hot mess". Some of the moves and Karina’s "straight out of ’Moulin Rouge’" getup was hot, but mostly the performance was a mess. They couple made several mistakes, the band’s rendition of "Roxanne" was distractingly bad (though not as bad as "Rio") and, by the end, it looked like Karina was trying to get away from Mario.

So what’d you think of this episode? Is Tony REALLY the "bad boy of the ballroom"? (I’d go with Maksim, who I miss this year.) Was I the only one underwhelmed by tonight’s dances? Could Adam Corolla really have an extended run? (I like that he genuinely wants to do right by his partner Julianne) What was up with Guttenberg's pot and goggles thing? Finally, who do you have going home? (I’m going with Marissa.)

America's Next Top Recap: Making Music Beautiful

Well that was an eventful episode of "Top Model."

Tyra took time off from her ridiculously watchable talk show to actually teach the girls something, we saw the formation of a powerful new faction, the contestants competed in an interesting photo shoot, one of them went naked, and Claire (pictured, right) let us know that she’s worried about the breast milk she’s been pumping drying up.

Ok, so maybe it was a little too eventful.

I have to say, at first I didn’t really care about the latest fight-about-nothing in the "Top Model" house. This week it was perpetual Cover Girl of the Week Claire getting annoyed with Dominique for not shutting off her alarm clock (which went off a few hours too early) in a timely manner. This was the second week in a row Dominique — who weirdly looks like a manlier (and uglier) Portia di Rossi in the face — got into a fracas with one of the girls.

I was sort of tuning out all the ambient noise until awkward girl Lauren flipped out, jumped on a chair and started screaming at Dominique like a lunatic. She was quickly joined by Whitney (who Dominique brawled with last week), and it wasn’t long before the three girls ganged up on Dominique. The way this episode was edited made it look like Claire, Whitney and Lauren hung out together the entire time they were at the house — except, of course, when Claire was pumping her breast milk.

Later, the three of them behaved pretty cruelly toward Dominique, trashing her while she was lying in bed sick (though I don’t think they knew she was sick). Still, it would’ve been a lot easier for me to feel sorry for Dominique if she weren’t such an abrasive, delusional, egotistical psychopath. Honestly, the way this girl argues makes no sense. After Claire called her a bitch, Dominique comes back with "Would you call your husband a bitch if he didn’t turn off his alarm clock?" That doesn’t even make sense! Let me help you, Dom: the answer is no — Claire is calling you a bitch because you’re acting like, well, a bitch. Sorry.

That being said, it was disappointing to see Claire, Whitney and Lauren, three of the stronger contenders this cycle, dragged down into Dominique’s level. Then again, she’s so frustrating to "argue" with, that you just can’t help it.

Fortunately, things livened up considerably when Tyra showed up out of nowhere as the girls’ cabbie, ordered them to dress like sticks of red lipstick and schooled them on walking (allow three seconds for maximum fierceness).

If you’re a regular reader of this column you know that I love it when Tyra "acts," and we got to see her "skills" as she pretended to sprain her ankle to teach the girls to "think pain, but beauty." This entire session seemed to help most of the girls, who are sometimes unfairly chided for not knowing how to model, despite the fact that no one ever taught them anything.

Tyra had them act out several ailments, and the girls did a nice job for the most part. The only exception was Lauren, who was supposed to act like her hands hurt from patty cake (good luck with that one), but instead looked like a drug addict. I also could’ve done without watching someone do "Period Pain" (but beauty).

Anya and her "shoulder pain" was the challenge winner and, to be honest, this was the first time this season she’s ever stood out for me (other than vaguely looking like an alien with her bleached blonde hair and light eyes). Her reward was a vaguely creepy nude, I mean "timeless" photo shoot with noted fashion photographer Nigel Barker. Um, isn’t this more of a reward for Nigel.

Thankfully, Aimee wasn’t the recipient of this "reward". She once again reiterated her family’s Mormon convictions and her aversion to being photographed nude. The odd focus on Aimee (not in a positive way) pretty much signaled her appearance in the bottom two this week. I wish the editors of this show wouldn’t make it so painfully obvious who’s going to be on the chopping block after the photo shoot.

This week, the models had to pose as different genres of music, leading to some creative (and some not-so-creative) shots. My favorites were Whitney (great expression on her face) who was called first, and Katarzyna (her emo haircut was so convincing, it’s going to become permanent, even if Ms. J doesn’t know what emo is). My least favorites were Claire (though I’m not exactly sure who’s she’s supposed to be high fashion with such a ludicrous outfit), and Stacey Ann (lazy, predictable, and not really having anything to do with house music).

I wasn’t as high on Fatima and Anya’s pictures. I thought they were both predictably over the top, though it was nice to see Fatima loosen up this week (and not antagonize everybody). I also didn’t really get the praise for Dominique’s picture — the background seemed beatific, but her face, as usual, was too hard for the setting. Finally, I thought music snob Lauren’s "pop music" shot was ok (strong body pose), but nothing outstanding.

In the end, it came down to Claire and Aimee and, since Claire has a stronger body of work so far, Aimee got sent home for a not-that-bad R&B shot that reminded me of the cover for "Thriller." It was also slightly off-putting to see Claire jump up and yell "yes!" when her name was called — and another girl was sent home sobbing.

So what’d you think of this episode? Will her actions tonight her Claire’s chances as Cover Girl of the Week next time? What genre of music would you have liked to have seen? Why is Stacey Ann still around? Finally, did you feel any sympathy for Dominique?

American Idol: A Night For the Ages

One of the quirkier themes this show trots out there resulted in some surprising performances. I mean, it’s not like any of the contestants were jamming out to anything they sang last night while they were babies. I couldn’t possibly tell you what 1982 hit I’d sing because I was very young and had to be carried everywhere.

At least we didn’t have to watch the Idols butcher some more Beatles songs.

Anyway, let’s start with the surprisingly bad. Now, I emerged from four years of college (ok, five years, you got me!) and I think I’ve picked up a semi-extensive vocabulary. So why was the only word I could come up with to describe David Archuleta’s performance of "You’re the Voice" — a song apparently NO ONE has heard of — "gay". Actually, I apologize to all gay readers of this column for linking that word to David’s resoundingly lame performance. After this, I no longer felt bad for him that he was missing his prom. It sounded like something that should’ve been playing over the credits of Fern Gully 4: Save the Rainforest. Then again, maybe this turn of events isn’t so surprising, since he tends to fall flat on his face when he tries something other than a Delilah ballad.

Although Carly Smithson was considerably less brutal, I found her performance of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" disappointing. The cliché and predictable song choice was disappointing. The outfit was disappointing again (why is she determined to look as frumpy as possible). The final note was disappointing. Simon’s right in that she needs to lighten up. It seems to me like Carly thinks she looks like she’s having fun up there, but what we see at home is that go-to, crazy-eyed expression. The vocal, however, was strong and, unlike Randy, I liked the rocker edge to the song. Still, my favorite thing about this performance was finding out that Carly’s mom is basically an older and hotter version of Carly, who kinda looks like Lucy Lawless.

I was also disappointed to see Chikezie revert back to his lounge-y semifinal self last night. I thought it was smart of him to do a slower song because he certainly has the vocal chops, and three extremely upbeat songs in a row for him where he’s running around the stage like a mania might’ve been too much. Still, he has to find a way to update these slower songs and, as Simon and Randy said, show his personality here.

I’m actually picking Chikezie to be the one to go home tonight (please don’t make this so!) because some perpetual bottom dwellers stepped up their game last night.

Kristy Lee Cook (pictured, left) is certainly not the best singer in this competition, but she may be challenging Brooke White as the shrewdest. While singing "God Bless the USA" doesn’t exactly scream "current chart-topping artist", the song probably netted hear thousands of votes in the heartland. And honestly, how can any of the judges slam her for singing THAT song? Lost in the fact that Kristy is apparently an evil genius was the fact that she delivered her strongest vocal since her audition. I don’t even have her in the bottom three.

While Michael Johns seemed to surprise and impress everyone last night with his "We Will Rock You/We Are the Champions" mini medley, I wasn’t similarly blown away. It wasn’t a shock to me because the last time he was any good was also singing Queen, when he took on "Bohemian Rhapsody" during Hollywood Week. Still, like Kristy, he delivered his finest vocals of the finals and looked comfortable on stage. I just think that all he did was exactly what he needed to do to survive another week or two.

Same goes for Syesha Mercado, who I was happy to see deliver another strong vocal performance (probably one of the night’s two best) and build on her momentum from last week. She was equally good during the quieter and bigger moments of "If I Were Your Woman." I still wish that Simon weren’t so frustratingly lukewarm on her. He said that her performance "wasn’t incredible", and he may be right about that, but I’m not exactly sure what he’s looking for. I count three contestants (David A., Carly and Chikezie) who are better or just as strong as Syesha vocally, so where is this ceiling he’s trying to get her to reach?

She’s certainly better than "big voice/small package" Ramiele Malubay. Seriously, I can’t be the only one tired of hearing that from the judges. Nor can I can be the only one put off by Paula trying to shield little Ramiele from criticism by letting us know she was sick. Last night she sang Heart’s "Alone" (another overdone song on "Idol") and while her vocals were decent yet again, my girl Erica is right in that the performance got sloppy toward the end. She’s basically a less good, much less interesting Syesha Mercado, but she’ll probably hang around a little longer, since she’s never even been in the bottom three.

After trying to stretch last week (and mostly falling flat on their faces), Jason Castro and Brooke White went back to doing what they do best.

Jason brought his crutch, I mean guitar, back on stage as he sang Sting’s fragile. He seemed more comfortable with a foreign language than he did last week, but, again, it was basically the same performance again. Only this time, the judges seemed to notice too and called him out on it. That, combined with the "I don’t give a damn" vibe he gave off yesterday could actually land him in tonight’s bottom three.

Brooke fared much better on her stripped down cover of The Police’s "Every Breath You Take". In fact, things were going so well that Randy (who was surprisingly lucid last night) hit the nail right on the head when he said the performance got kinda ruined when the band joined in. As a result, this wasn’t as good as her stripped down version of "Love is a Battlefield", not as good as her piano-assisted take on "Let it Be", but it SHOULD be good enough to pass her through to next week.

Finally, David Cook certainly earned the prime closing slot the producers gave him last night. Sure, his take slowed-down take wasn’t as original as the judges would have you think (Ryan told us it was a Chris Cornell cover), but David C. still delivered a thoroughly dynamic and dramatic performance, as well as his strongest vocals of the season. It was good enough to make me overlook the fact that he looked like Lex Luthor when he was a baby.

So what’d you think of this episode? What was up with Paula’s gloves? Finally, I’ve got Ramiele, Jason and Chikezie in the bottom three (with Chikezie going home): who ya got?!