American Idol: A Night For the Ages

One of the quirkier themes this show trots out there resulted in some surprising performances. I mean, it’s not like any of the contestants were jamming out to anything they sang last night while they were babies. I couldn’t possibly tell you what 1982 hit I’d sing because I was very young and had to be carried everywhere.

At least we didn’t have to watch the Idols butcher some more Beatles songs.

Anyway, let’s start with the surprisingly bad. Now, I emerged from four years of college (ok, five years, you got me!) and I think I’ve picked up a semi-extensive vocabulary. So why was the only word I could come up with to describe David Archuleta’s performance of "You’re the Voice" — a song apparently NO ONE has heard of — "gay". Actually, I apologize to all gay readers of this column for linking that word to David’s resoundingly lame performance. After this, I no longer felt bad for him that he was missing his prom. It sounded like something that should’ve been playing over the credits of Fern Gully 4: Save the Rainforest. Then again, maybe this turn of events isn’t so surprising, since he tends to fall flat on his face when he tries something other than a Delilah ballad.

Although Carly Smithson was considerably less brutal, I found her performance of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" disappointing. The cliché and predictable song choice was disappointing. The outfit was disappointing again (why is she determined to look as frumpy as possible). The final note was disappointing. Simon’s right in that she needs to lighten up. It seems to me like Carly thinks she looks like she’s having fun up there, but what we see at home is that go-to, crazy-eyed expression. The vocal, however, was strong and, unlike Randy, I liked the rocker edge to the song. Still, my favorite thing about this performance was finding out that Carly’s mom is basically an older and hotter version of Carly, who kinda looks like Lucy Lawless.

I was also disappointed to see Chikezie revert back to his lounge-y semifinal self last night. I thought it was smart of him to do a slower song because he certainly has the vocal chops, and three extremely upbeat songs in a row for him where he’s running around the stage like a mania might’ve been too much. Still, he has to find a way to update these slower songs and, as Simon and Randy said, show his personality here.

I’m actually picking Chikezie to be the one to go home tonight (please don’t make this so!) because some perpetual bottom dwellers stepped up their game last night.

Kristy Lee Cook (pictured, left) is certainly not the best singer in this competition, but she may be challenging Brooke White as the shrewdest. While singing "God Bless the USA" doesn’t exactly scream "current chart-topping artist", the song probably netted hear thousands of votes in the heartland. And honestly, how can any of the judges slam her for singing THAT song? Lost in the fact that Kristy is apparently an evil genius was the fact that she delivered her strongest vocal since her audition. I don’t even have her in the bottom three.

While Michael Johns seemed to surprise and impress everyone last night with his "We Will Rock You/We Are the Champions" mini medley, I wasn’t similarly blown away. It wasn’t a shock to me because the last time he was any good was also singing Queen, when he took on "Bohemian Rhapsody" during Hollywood Week. Still, like Kristy, he delivered his finest vocals of the finals and looked comfortable on stage. I just think that all he did was exactly what he needed to do to survive another week or two.

Same goes for Syesha Mercado, who I was happy to see deliver another strong vocal performance (probably one of the night’s two best) and build on her momentum from last week. She was equally good during the quieter and bigger moments of "If I Were Your Woman." I still wish that Simon weren’t so frustratingly lukewarm on her. He said that her performance "wasn’t incredible", and he may be right about that, but I’m not exactly sure what he’s looking for. I count three contestants (David A., Carly and Chikezie) who are better or just as strong as Syesha vocally, so where is this ceiling he’s trying to get her to reach?

She’s certainly better than "big voice/small package" Ramiele Malubay. Seriously, I can’t be the only one tired of hearing that from the judges. Nor can I can be the only one put off by Paula trying to shield little Ramiele from criticism by letting us know she was sick. Last night she sang Heart’s "Alone" (another overdone song on "Idol") and while her vocals were decent yet again, my girl Erica is right in that the performance got sloppy toward the end. She’s basically a less good, much less interesting Syesha Mercado, but she’ll probably hang around a little longer, since she’s never even been in the bottom three.

After trying to stretch last week (and mostly falling flat on their faces), Jason Castro and Brooke White went back to doing what they do best.

Jason brought his crutch, I mean guitar, back on stage as he sang Sting’s fragile. He seemed more comfortable with a foreign language than he did last week, but, again, it was basically the same performance again. Only this time, the judges seemed to notice too and called him out on it. That, combined with the "I don’t give a damn" vibe he gave off yesterday could actually land him in tonight’s bottom three.

Brooke fared much better on her stripped down cover of The Police’s "Every Breath You Take". In fact, things were going so well that Randy (who was surprisingly lucid last night) hit the nail right on the head when he said the performance got kinda ruined when the band joined in. As a result, this wasn’t as good as her stripped down version of "Love is a Battlefield", not as good as her piano-assisted take on "Let it Be", but it SHOULD be good enough to pass her through to next week.

Finally, David Cook certainly earned the prime closing slot the producers gave him last night. Sure, his take slowed-down take wasn’t as original as the judges would have you think (Ryan told us it was a Chris Cornell cover), but David C. still delivered a thoroughly dynamic and dramatic performance, as well as his strongest vocals of the season. It was good enough to make me overlook the fact that he looked like Lex Luthor when he was a baby.

So what’d you think of this episode? What was up with Paula’s gloves? Finally, I’ve got Ramiele, Jason and Chikezie in the bottom three (with Chikezie going home): who ya got?!