And I thought the homeless photo shoot from earlier this season, er, cycle was pointless and silly.At least that featured a foundation that was helping homeless women go to college and reach their creative ambitions. This week’s photo shoot featured the wannabe models wearing meat panties and other accessories fashioned from beef because, um, yeah, I don’t really know.
So, like I said, pointless and silly. Then again, those two words can so accurately describe so many things that happen in a "Top Model" episode that the week’s bizarre photo shoot only helped matters (as did Mr. Jay’s comically feminine white jacket) and made this one of the season’s best episodes.
Things picked up right where they left off last week and if you thought Dominique (pictured, left) would be humbled by her placement in last week’s bottom two then, well, I’ll just let this cycle’s hot tranny mess tell you herself: "I was in the best freakin’ bottom two in Top Model history!" She also immediately started talking smack to the other girls, who were supposed to be scared that she was still around. Never has an underachiever with a mom haircut who almost got her ass sent home been so confident.
Also, it’s Wednesday night, so I guess that means Fatima must be picking a fight with one of the girls in the house, right? Fortunately, we were spared a sequel to the "Amis is a clown" tiff from a few weeks ago, and Fatima mostly kept her thoughts to herself. There was some additional "drama" later when Aimee tried to claim the shower, Whitney objected, and later Fatima and Dominique jumped in the fray, but there was so much shouting and choppy editing that I honestly didn’t understand what the fight was about.
Fortunately, there were more than enough interesting happenings away from the house (and that annoying Tyra Mail news crawl). The girls traveled to a fire station where Miss J. slid down the fire pole (thankfully not stripper style) and told the models they’d be practicing their quick-change and runway walking skills. I’m thinking a proper walking lesson might’ve been helpful BEFORE the fourth episode of the season. Oh well.
Aimee was revealed as the conservative/prudish one who felt uncomfortable being naked in front of everyone else (as well as sharing the shower/bathroom) I can’t wait till this comes up again during the inevitable naked photo shoot.
The girls put on a little show for a bunch of surprisingly average-looking firemen. Highlights (actually lowlights) included Lauren’s still-brutal walk, Amis skipping during her turn (perhaps an early sign that she’s not taking this too seriously) and Dominique’s strippery antics (which Ms. J expertly mocked).
It was all to get ready for Bryan Bradley’s Tuleh Fashion show, which was to be judged by a Seventeen editor whose name I didn’t really bother to note and cycle 8 winner Jaslene (noooooo!) Mercifully, Jaslene didn’t actually speak too much last night. Except of course when she tore into Lauren by asking her what she was doing there and if she really wanted to be a model. Again, Lauren’s walk is just brutal, but to me it was kind of odd the way Jaslene singled her out for such harsh criticism.
Amis’ walk was also brutal. I also enjoyed watching Fatima button her sweater incorrectly and then hope no one would notice (even though the white horizontal line along the bottom kinda gave her away). My favorites were Aimee (who I believe I noticed for the first time this week) and Whitney (for accidentally flashing some boob — and just going with it).
So, of course, Katarzyna won and invited Marvita and Amis (random much) along for a Lot 29 shoot. I love how Jaslene completely outshone the rest of the girls during their group photo, even sticking her elbow right in front of Amis’ face.
I already mentioned the fantastic ridiculousness of this week’s photo shoot. I was shocked that there wasn’t a vegetarian in the bunch to morally object to wearing meat carcasses. I personally enjoyed Mr. Jay saying things like "it’s not looking pretty" to young women wearing slabs of meat.
My favorites were Whitney (interesting face and body pose), Anya (probably my favorite) Lauren (channeling her inner killer) and Katarzyna (the only one who seemed to treat the meat as clothes). The worst were Fatima (too growly, according to the judges), Marvita (strong body, but the face was completely off — can she softer her look?).
Even though I don’t have her as one of the worst pictures of the week (she lucked out with a decent single shot) Amis was an absolute lock to go home, making for the least successful bottom two in recent memory. Sure, she’d flunked out her firehouse runway test and her photo like Fatima, but she put little effort in her appearance before the judging panel (a headband? Really?). Also, she has nowhere near as much potential as a model (or a reality show character) as Fatima was. Goodbye Amis. You may go back to being called Amy now.
So what’d you think of this episode? I know I’m a guy, but am I the only one who didn’t really notice any difference in Dominique’s hair after Tyra vowed to significantly change the color? Why did Tyra sing all the judges names as she introduced them? (As my girl Erica said, maybe she just began doing it and then ended up committing fully.) Finally, why does Claire keep winning Cover Girl of the Week? Nothing against her, I like her, why has she been a lock for that thing so far?
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