Hell's Kitchen: Child's Play

When tonight’s eliminated contestant happily yelled “I beat 13 of ya’ll!” at the start of the continuation of “Hell’s Kitchen,” I couldn’t help but wonder if that person had confused reaching the final four with winning.

And since I watch WAY too much reality TV, my instinct turned out to be right.

Still, that didn’t stop this from being one of the more affecting episodes of “Hell’s Kitchen” I’ve ever seen. (And, yes, you’re not the only one surprised to see I just used the word “affecting” to describe an episode of this scream-fest.)

Things got off to a lighthearted enough start. To help break the “there’s only four of us left/we’re the cream of the crop” tension/clichés, Chef Ramsay dispatched a mini-me (pictured, right) to meet the contestants before the challenge. (I thought it was Thomas Sangster from “Love Actually” at first, but then I realized that kid probably drives and drinks now – hopefully not at the same time.)

After that, the real Ramsay showed up and introduced the challenge by uttering my favorite (non-Tennille) quote of the season: “There’s no bigger pain anywhere in the world than a vegetarian.” Amen! The challenge was to create a vegetarian meal and serve 80 portions to unnamed demanding guests. Of course, the guests turned out to be kids, who (stereotypically) hate vegetables. You can make the case that this challenge was pretty unfair (I don’t think any of the final four are trying to become head chef at Chuck E. Cheese or any other restaurant frequented by kids), but it was still pretty funny to watch.

The kids voted on their favorite dish. Did you catch the LOL-worthy question on their ballot? (“Whose food was the yuckiest?”) Apparently, Kevin’s food was the yuckiest, as he came in fourth. Ariel placed third, leaving it between Tennille and Dave (“I sold myself out,” Dave said with a smile after apparently/successfully convincing the kids they were eating sandwiches). This was a tough one to call, given that each cook had complained about not winning a challenge. In the end, Tennille took the prize for her stuffed eggplant, which apparently won over the kids. (“I’m 28, I just started liking eggplant!” – Tennille had said at the beginning.)

The losers had to stay and clean up the especially wretched dining room, which included freshly-juicy gum under the tables. Dave got a mini-reward in the form of the candy he pocketed.

The real reward for Tennille was a makeover that made her look like Whoopi Goldberg back when Whoopi Goldberg still gave a crap what she looked like. She also got a sushi lunch with Chef Ramsay at Nobu. Chef Nobu himself presented Tennille with some sweet looking sushi knives (and I don’t even like sushi) that the rest of her competitors pretended not to be jealous about when she got back.

After a pep talk about passion, the dinner service got off to a strong start with Kevin on appetizers.

After that, things slowly went downhill. Tennille struggled to cook scallops, but eventually righted herself. Dave seemed to reinjure his arm and had to be tended to by the medic (who’s really earning his paycheck this season).

Dave got his act together and was able to finish strong. I wish I could say the same for Tennille. She had trouble cooking sea bass, halibut and probably would’ve struggled serving those little goldfish crackers if someone had handed them to her.

Things were so bad, that the show broke from its usual elimination procedure. There were no nominations as Ramsay just sent an emotional Tennille home. (I may or may not have gotten a little emotional myself watching her tear up as Ramsay told her what a great competitor she was.)

Even though the elimination was a slam dunk, the show still managed to wring some drama minutes beforehand. The question as to whether or not Ramsay was going to eject Dave from the competition due to his hand was a legitimate source of tension. It’s fairly obvious that Dave will never quit until he passes out and is carried out of “Hell’s Kitchen,” so I thought, for a second, that Ramsay was going to take him out for his own good.

In the end, Dave stayed, and the three final three got to hang out with their families for a bit at the end of the episode. (I’m glad they got the family visit out of the way here, so we can get down to business in the upcoming final episodes.) The chefs were a little freaked because they’d been drinking a bit when Ramsay called them down, but nothing came of their semi-drunken (more like buzzed) antics.

So what’d you think of this episode? It’s probably weird that Dave’s fiancée kinda looks like his sister, right? Do you keep your disdain for vegetarians hidden or is it out in the open? (I keep mine’s hidden, and since no one reads this thing I’m betting it’ll stay that way.) Finally, who do you have in the final two? (Dave looks great, but it’s too late for me to back down from my early Kevin/Ariel prediction.)