24: Let's Give Renee a Hand

Then again, it appears as if Renee already has an extra hand — and part of some Russian guy’s wrist too — after the gruesome final scene in Monday night’s back-to-back episodes.

But we’ll get to that bit of fun in a little while.

First we have to talk about how “24” wrapped up the first portion of its eighth season by killing its first main bad guy (R.I.P. Davros) and introducing another (welcome vodka-sipping baddie Bazhaev, played by Jurgen Prochnow).

Things didn’t start out too promisingly.

To absolutely no one’s surprise, Davros killed that poor “Noo Yawk” cop and his wife after the cop had arranged for Davros to take his place in President Hassan’s security detail. With Chloe’s help (and after an utterly pointless confrontation with an overly aggressive black guy that apparently only served to highlight how rude New Yorkers are), Jack discovered the dead bodies.

Unfortunately for Jack (and even more unfortunately for us), he was caught at the house by a couple of the dead cop’s friends. Even more improbably, one of the cops (the one who used to be on “The Wire”) was a rogue cop who’d seen one too many movies and TV shows and decided to teach Jack a lesson about being a cop killer.

Obviously, if Jack had simply been able to call and tell Chloe what he’d found at the house, the threat to Hassan could’ve been squashed a lot sooner. I understand that, during the course of every season of “24”, Jack has to deal with certain obstacles – I just hope the rest of the obstacles this season won’t be as painfully contrived.

Either way, Psycho Rogue Cop’s partner (Helpful Rookie Cop) helped Jack get in touch with CTU, and allowed Cole to save President Hassan’s life. (I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again – the stunts on this show really are movie quality.)

It’s a good thing too because CTU (Dick)Head Brian Hastings spent most of the first hour barking up the wrong tree. He was still grilling Meredith Reed about the Hassan assassination plot and was convinced the reporter was hiding something. Well, what she was hiding was her affair with President Hassan.

Although President Hassan has been positioned as a decent guy so far (and I’ve admired that trait), I was still pretty surprised that he admitted to the affair when Hastings asked him. This Hassan is a real stand-up guy. (Well, except for that whole relationship outside of his marriage thing, of course.)

Still, this wasn’t enough for Hastings, who was still convinced that Meredith was guilty. That’s why he believed the plans found in her computer for a bomb inside the United Nations were real. Because, clearly, it would make more sense for an assassin to sneak a bomb INTO the U.N. rather than try to kill their target outside the heavily-guarded building. (MORON!)

Fortunately, this led to the funniest exchange from last night’s two hours. After Hassan thanked Hastings for saving his life, Chloe made one of her signature sour faces in the background. Hastings noticed and asked her if she was annoyed that Hassan thanked him and not her. Chloe responded by saying that she was actually thinking that Hassan should be thanking “Jack, then Cole, then, maybe, me.” (I’m thinking Hastings would’ve probably been about 97th on that list.) Hastings later apologized to Chloe for underestimating her, and I became hopeful that the character wouldn’t turn out to be a complete toolbag. I’m also excited about the potential for comedy between those two.

I’m less excited about the potential for drama between apparent identity thief Dana Walsh and her ex from hell. The guy is fresh out of prison and is now raising hell in Dana’s apartment. Sorry if I don’t sound too enthused about the whole thing, but this storyline is downright annoying right now. Instead of giving President Taylor something interesting to do, we’ve had to sit through this garbage so far. The writers need to hurry up and reveal how the whole thing ties together with the season’s main plot – you just know it will - because if it doesn’t, then what’s the point?

As for Dana’s fiancée, I was thoroughly pleased to see Freddie Prinze Jr. get his action hero moment as Cole swerved his SUV in front of President Hassan’s car right before Davros was able to detonate his explosive. (Freddie Prinze Jr., of all people, acting like a badass amuses me to no end.) I was considerably less impressed by the fact that Davros got the jump on him, but (lucky for him) Jack was there to save the day.

Davros didn’t have any ID on him, but Jack was able to deduce through his tattoos (and I was able to follow this thanks to the movie “Eastern Promises”) that he was affiliated with the Russians. President Hassan informed Hastings that his brother Farhad — who had escaped after killing a CTU when the assassination plot crumbled — had been trying to purchase weaponized uranium and build up his country’s nuclear arsenal. Yesterday I mentioned how “24” alternates between political assassination and nuclear terror plots, but even I didn’t expect the script to be flipped THIS quickly.

It appears as if CTU’s best shot of getting at that uranium was Renee Walker, who’d (conveniently) been undercover with the Russians seven years earlier.

Look, I get it. With her blank stare (which only disappeared when she first saw Jack), curt manner and her willingness to take on an insane mission, Renee is the new Jack. How much is she the new Jack? In the season 2 premiere, Jack was brought back to go undercover and ended up chopping off a dead guy’s head with an axe to convince a criminal he was legit. (Sound vaguely familiar?) On top of that, Jack feels protective and guilty because he feels like he helped make Renee this way.

Like I said, I get it – and I like it! I don’t even mind that they’re recycling imagery from earlier seasons. I wasn’t a huge Renee fan early last season, but Bats--- Crazy Renee kicks ass! (And is pretty hot!) She’ll flirt with you and make you think that she’s going to take your tracking bracelet off before she slices your hand off. (Ooh, unpredictable!)

So what’d you think of this episode? Doesn’t CTU do any sort of background check on prospective employees? Will President Taylor be given something to do at any point this season? Finally, oh yeah, WHY DID RENEE SLICE THAT RUSSIAN GUY’S HAND OFF?!