American Idol: Boston V Party

I’d hate to start my first recap of the ninth season of “American Idol” by talking about the judges because one of the worst trends on this show in recent years has been the increased belief by Randy, Paula, Kara and Simon that this show is all about them.

But this show is REALLY going to miss Simon.

The show opened with a montage showing some of last season’s country-dividing Kris Allen/Adam Lambert showdown, but mostly served as a recap for all the upheaval at the judges’ table.

More importantly, the highlight of last night’s episode was, arguably, a quick throwaway moment by Simon. In trying to discourage anime-loving nutjob Mere Doyle that she should give up her singing aspirations, he said “I would love to fly to the moon, but I can’t (perfectly-timed pause). Actually, I could.”

Of course, the problem with the previous paragraph is that my favorite moment of the evening had NOTHING to do with amazing (or amazingly bad) singing.

I don’t even feel like I can blame the editors on this one – I didn’t see a single person in the Boston auditions that would make me want to get off my couch, walk over to the basket that holds my cell phone, and vote.

That’s not to say I couldn’t see any of the Boston auditioners cracking the final group. I’m actually pretty good about separating my personal feelings from what is actually happening.

For example, I wasn’t nearly as wowed by Ashley Rodriguez as the judges were. I thought her take on “If I Ain’t Got You” paled in comparison to the original (as pretty much every take of that song does) and I found her completely generic. However, I can objectively see that she is a pretty (and VERY telegenic) girl who made Kara come the closest to whipping out her go-to “package artist” comment.

In the men’s division, it’s not too difficult to imagine Justin Williams cracking the top 12 (or 10 or whatever it ends up being). He’s got the looks, the sob story (he’s beaten cancer) and the voice, even if his take on “Feeling Good” was WAY overdone and slightly wimpy, in my opinion.

Speaking of sob stories, too many of last night’s hopefuls were overshadowed by their pre-performance packages. Then again, seeing as how almost all of them made it through to Hollywood, maybe it’s a good thing that they had compelling stories to cover up their suspect singing.

I’m thinking about Maddy Curtis (whose family adopted several kids with Down Syndrome), Tyler Grady (who broke both wrists falling out of a tree) and Katie Stevens (whose grandmother has Alzheimer’s). Maddy is good, but a little green, Tyler was surprisingly good, but Kara seemed more preoccupied with his tight jeans, and Katie – well, ok, Katie was actually pretty good singing “At Last” and I’ll be damned if I didn’t get emotional like Seacrest when she called her grandma to tell her the good news.

In the absence of truly spectacular singers, the judges also seemed to let through people just because they liked them. I’m thinking about “Sopranos” reject Amadeo Diricco (his personality really IS better than his voice) and Mike Davis (brave captain of the Codzilla saddled with a forgettable name and a forgettable performance).

Then again, a few of my favorite singers from Tuesday night didn’t exactly set the world on fire vocally. The judges bagged on Bosa Mora and Leah Laurenti for their lack of confidence, but I thought they were both kind of terrific when they were singing. (Afterwards, when they were talking – not as much.) Of course, my objective eye tells me that it’s not a good thing that Bosa was completely overshadowed by his mom’s bright orange head wrap and that Leah simply doesn’t possess the “package artist” look someone like Ashley does. Then there was Jennifer Hirsch, who I have no idea whether she’s any good or not, but who I REALLY dug simply because she chose to audition with a jazzy version of “Ding Dong! The Witch is Dead.”

Unfortunately, even the delusional losers weren’t particularly inspired.

For example, the segment featuring Janet McNamara, the season’s first person to audition, played more like a commercial for the “American Idol” videogame. In a related story, apparently only Simon is allowed to talk in the videogame. (Maybe the videogame is better.) Janet called Kara “Paula” and was promptly sent on her way (hopefully to put on a shirt that covers her entire stomach).

I also would’ve found the Andrew Fenlon experience more entertaining if I weren’t thoroughly convinced that the guy was some sort of actor pretending to be a freak. (Or a freak knowingly playing up his freakiness for the camera.) The guy — who looked like Superman as a serial killer (or Michael Ian Black) — was really annoyed about having to wait very long and came in to audition with a really bad attitude. Apparently, Andrew’s entire purpose was to have someone that Kara could tell off (Bikini Girl 2), although her reprimand was more confusing (“You need a spanking”) than effective.

So what’d you think of this episode? What WAS Tyler doing up in that tree? Did you see a potential “Idol” in Boston? Finally, what’d you think of Victoria Beckham (pictured, right)? (She was ok – she didn’t say anything offensively stupid, but she didn’t really add anything either. Having her stand up to Simon late into the second hour was too little too late.)