America's Next Top Recap: A Stilted Finale

You know, sometimes being completely predictable isn't the worst thing in the world.

For example, going into last night's finale of the ninth cycle of "America's Next Top Model", we all knew Saleisha (pictured, right) was going to win. I think even Jenah and Chantal knew. Actually, Jenah was too busy conveying to the judges that she was "over" this competition (I always thought that whole thing was overblown) and Chantal knew Saleisha would win because she kept saying things like "I worked hard, and I deserve to win", as if trying to convince herself that she deserved to win. It didn't work.

Since Chantal couldn't come up with anything interesting to say, she spouted 20 different variations of "I worked hard, and I deserve to win", while Jenah was busy self-destructing. So it's good that Saleisha won, in what is probably one of the least suspenseful finales in the show's history.

At least somebody fell down. I don't care what ANYONE says — that's always funny.

The episode started with the three ladies shooting their Cover Girl commercial for something call Wetslicks Fruit Spritzers. Try saying that out loud for a second. It doesn't exactly roll off the tongue, does it? I instantly knew the models were in trouble.

After a visit from Jaslene (thank God we won't have to endure her and her painful Cover Girl ads next cycle), Chantal delivered a typically bubbly, stilted, slightly unnatural commercial. At least she remembered her lines. Jenah completely blanked, forcing Mr. Jay to almost go to cue cards before she miraculously delivered a (slightly condescending) take. The biggest disappointment was Saleisha, who stopped screaming "yay! I'm a Cover Girl!" long enough to stumble over her lines and have a mini-meltdown.

Eventually, she got it back together, and got the most screentime when the actual episode aired during the next commercial break.

Next came the photo shoot, with all three girls doing a nice job. Saleisha was my favorite, followed by Jenah, and Chantal, who basically had a slightly less good version of Saleisha's photo.

At judging, Tyrant, I mean, Tyra and the rest of the judges praised Chantal's look and she was the first to advance to the final runway ("it's the FI-NAL RUN-WAY!!!"). The choice seemed obvious between Saleisha and Jenah, but I thought for a second Jenah saved herself when she finally cried for Tyra (Tyra DOES love to make these girls cry).

This was also the rare meltdown that had a little substance to it. Jenah was worried about being a role model to her sisters (who she raised) and, when questioned about her attitude for the 73rd time, smartly pointed out that she didn't feel a model needed to "spew rainbows" all the time to be considered a positive influence (you hear that, Saleisha?)

It was all for naught, as Jenah was sent home and Saleisha and Chantal advanced to the final runway show, a spectacularly over the top affair that had a couple of hundred performers, many of them on stilts, but no audience that I could see. Except for the judges who made comically dramatic entrances. Nobody does comically dramatic like Tyra Banks. If you saw her hairstyle during the final show you'd know what I was talking about.

For my money, Saleisha would've won this thing hands down anyway, because her fierce (though slightly over the top) walk was miles better than Chantal's stiff gait. And that was before a performer on stilts unfortunately got caught on Chantal's train and fell to the ground, causing her to break character.

In Chantal's defense (yes, I'm defending Chantal), I'm not really sure what she was supposed to do in this situation. If she'd just kept walking, like nothing happened, everyone would be ripping her for being a heartless bitch (well, maybe not "everyone", it's not like people sit around analyzing this show — besides me). She pretty much did as well as you could hope — she showed genuine concern and got back into character as soon as possible.

Since Lisa and Heather didn't appear out of nowhere and take out the final two, tt didn't really matter because Saleisha won in what was probably as predictable a finale as you'll ever get. And that's not necessarily the worst thing in the world in this case. I mean, Saleisha seems like a really nice, charismatic person. But America's Next Top Model? I'm not so sure about that. I will say that she overcame one of the worst haircuts EVER to win.

So what'd you think of the finale and this cycle in general? Why do you think they only showed a few select photos from Chantal and Saleisha's portfolio when comparing the two? Usually they show ALL the photos? What would you have done if you were Chantal and that guy fell while you were walking? Finally, are you looking forward to the next cycle or did the slight air of suckiness from this one kinda throw you off.

Thanks for hanging with me through another cycle. See you next year!