NFL Week 14 Picks

Hey. You'll never guess what my record was last week. It was 10-6! Can you believe it? I mean, that's never happened before. So after another week of just John being John (10-6 week, 113-69 overall), I'm just going to give into it and go for another 10-6 week. So here are the picks.

CHICAGO @ WASHINGTON
Aaaand, the NFL Network is back to showing games I don't care about. People in Chicago and Washington should care seeing as how the loser of this game will be done for the season (assuming both 5-7 teams aren't done already). Both of these underwhelming teams also probably should've won last week, but I think Chicago looks slightly better at this point.

MIAMI @ BUFFALO
So Miami gets torched at home by the NY freakin' Jets and I'm supposed to believe they're not going winless this year. Expect them to play even worse in the miserably cold weather in Buffalo.

ST. LOUIS @ CINCINNATI
Well, my fantasy football season is over, so I'm done caring about the Bengals and Carson Palmer. So, look for him to light it up with 4TDs or something.

DALLAS @ DETROIT
Somebody catch the Lions. On second thought, you'd better not risk it. They're falling too fast and you might hurt yourself if you try to break their fall.

OAKLAND @ GREEN BAY
Will Brett Favre play? It doesn't really matter, because backup Aaron Rodgers dusted off the cob webs and proved that he could actually play a little bit, so I expect the Pack to win against the newly-frisky Raiders no matter who plays at QB. Still, let's not lose our minds here. If Green Bay wants to go somewhere this year, they need the good Brett Favre back, not the bad Favre that threw for fifty-something yards and two picks before getting hurt.

SAN DIEGO @ TENNESSEE
It finally looks like San Diego is back on track this season. So I'm taking the Titans because everytime it looks like they're back on track, they lose a game they should win. Also, Vince Young finally decided to not play awful.

NY GIANTS @ PHILADELPHIA (mini-upset)
Sorry, but the Giants should've lost against the Bears. Devin Hester dropped a wide open touchdown catch and Eli Manning still looked mostly bad. I don't like them to win going up against Feely, I mean Philly. Eli MUST want Donovan McNabb (both pictured, left) to come back to this game so he won't have to be the only much-maligned QB on the field. It's always nicer to have someone share in your malignitude (malignness?!) Meanwhile, I'll go and try to figure out who's hated the most.

CAROLINA @ JACKSONVILLE
Even though Jacksonville's still not ready to beat the Colts, they're more than ready to beat Carolina, who contacted me earlier in the week to play QB. Not a good sign.

TAMPA BAY @ HOUSTON (upset!)
Hey, I might actually pay attention to Houston this week. And I also like them to win, not because they're better, but because I fear the Bucs might take a mental nap after pretty much wrapping up the division when New Orleans gave them the game last week.

MINNESOTA @ SAN FRANCISCO
Now that Tarvaris Jackson is actually playing like an NFL quarterback, the Vikings have a team who is great at running the ball AND plays solid defense. Why would I pick against them right now?

ARIZONA @ SEATTLE (mini-upset)
I actually like Arizona to win this game and stay in the division up. Even though they embarrassingly lost to San Fran a few weeks back the Cardinals have looked pretty good, whereas Seattle is a solid second to Houston in my forgettability scale.

PITTSBURGH @ NEW ENGLAND
Even though their last two games have been scary close, there's no way I'm jumping off the Patriots-are-going-undefeated bandwagon. You can go ahead if you want, but the Patriots have OWNED Pittsburgh over the past few years, and then they have Miami and the Jets to deal with over the next few weeks.

CLEVELAND @ NY JETS
This should actually be one of the most entertaining games of the week, since both teams are so bad on defense. Yes, I just mentioned the words "most entertaining games of the week" in a contest involving the Jets. Still, I think Cleveland will get back on track after a close loss to Arizona.

KANSAS CITY @ DENVER
I mean, I expected you to be bad, KC, but what the hell is your excuse Denver?! I shake my head sadly at you.

INDIANAPOLIS @ BALTIMORE
Sure, the Ravens (especially their defense) played inspired football in their game against the Patriots. But did you see the way they totally lost their cool at the end. They were acting like a bunch of lunatic and babies (lunatic babies?). That right there is exactly why the Ravens are losers and the Patriots (and the Colts) are winners.

NEW ORLEANS @ ATLANTA
What's the opposite of compelling? Well that's what this game is. It's so uninteresting, that I'm surprised the NFL Network didn't pick this game up.