2008 NFL Preview: NFC East

This column is rated PE for Potentially Embarrassing

From the guy who predicted the Bucs and Packers would finish last in their respective divisions this past season (they finished first) and — most famously — that the New York Giants would also finish last in their division AND fire their coach, comes a new round of predictions that are sure to be disastrously wrong!

I’m not asking you to read on because I claim to have any sort of NFL expertise or keen insight. Nobody (and ESPECIALLY not me) knows what’s going to happen in any given NFL season. If they claim they do or that any sort of majority of their pre-season predictions came to fruition, they’re absolutely full of it.

I’m asking you to read on so that, a little under a year from now, you can come back and make fun of me for how spectacularly off I was. It’s no fun to give someone credit when they’re right. I realize we’d all rather point and laugh when someone falls on their face. It’s ok. I can take it.

Why not get started with the division that produced my most spectacularly off prediction of all? Do I dare predict (again!) that the defending Super Bowl champion Giants will finish in last place? I can’t possibly be THAT stupid, right?

(Note: Once again, I'm going to be predicting records for each team, but I'm not going to bother and check whether they're mathematically possible and symmetrical with each team's schedule. It’s too much work, and I'd rather let someone smarter do that.)

NFC East

1. Dallas Cowboys (12-4)
2. Washington Redskins (10-6)
3. Philadelphia Eagles (9-7)
4. New York Giants (7-9)

Dallas Cowboys: Anyone who knows me knows how much it pains me to write this, but there’s just no denying the Cowboys place atop the division (and, probably, the conference) based on their talent.

They didn’t have any major losses in the offseason from a roster that was, arguably, the most talented in the NFC last year. And that was before they added key players like promising rookie running back Felix Jones from Arkansas and Adam “Pacman” Jones (pictured, left), who is probably just as likely to return a kick for a touchdown as he is to land in prison again.

That being said, I actually think he’s going to behave this year. Head coach Wade Phillips may not be a strategic mastermind, but his non-abrasive style seems to get his players to perform for him and to care about each other (maybe a bit TOO much). As long as they can keep their wild card players in line, and as long as they keep Jessica Simpson away from the stadium for important games, they should be fine.

In fact, if the franchise and its franchise quarterback had actually won a playoff game in the last decade, I’d probably pencil them in for a Super Bowl slot.

Washington Redskins: Other than bringing in a ballroom dancing competition runner-up (Jason Taylor, pictured, right) to shore up the defensive line, this is the second consecutive offseason in which the Redskins stayed relatively put after years of headline-grabbing signings of over-the-hill free agents that didn’t help the team develop any chemistry. And for the second year in a row, I think it’ll pay off.

Rookie head coach Jim Zorn and his new offense replace Hall of Famer Joe Gibbs, whose offense often looked stuck in the early 90’s. This will help quarterback Jason Campbell, who will continue to get better this year and who I like to make the leap and become a Pro Bowl quarterback, as well as primary receiver Santana Moss, who was on the side of a milk carton for much of last season. Clinton Portis should have another big year, but if he doesn’t, the ‘Skins have a capable backup in LaDell Betts. I like them to grab one of the wild card spots.

Philadelphia Eagles: I realize they had an absolutely disastrous season last year with Donovan McNabb’s annual injury and other team health problems, and head coach Andy Reid’s personal issues.

Still, I expect the Reid and his staff (the best in the division, by far) to come back strong and focused. They added former New England cornerback Asante Samuel (who they’ll need against division rivals like Terrell Owens and Plaxico Burress) to an already-strong secondary. I also expect McNabb to come back full-strength, since he probably came back a little too soon from his leg injury last year. They still don’t have a real deep threat beyond Kevin Curtis, so Brian Westbrook (pictured, left) will have to be the best player on the team again for the Eagles to have success.

Then again, if Westbrook gets hurt at any point this season, they’re screwed and I’ll ask you to kindly forget everything I wrote just now.

New York Giants: Whenever I ask if I’m really stupid enough to do ANYTHING, the answer is always “yes,” because I’m incredibly stupid.

How else could I justify having the Giants finish last in their own division after they knocked off the 18-0 Patriots and ended up on the mountaintop, led by Super Bowl MVP Eli Manning (pictured, right).

I would concede that they’re not going to fire their coach this year, but I could also tell you that I believe they just got unbelievably hot for a month at the end of last season (winning four straight tough playoff games on the road) and that they aren’t really as good as that streak. I’d probably point out that they’ve lost several key players (Michael Strahan, Gibril Wilson, Kawika Mitchell and, to a lesser extent Jeremy Shockey, who was absent for the Super Bowl run) while not making any significant additions. I’d also probably mention they have to play in one of the two toughest divisions in the league (along with the AFC South).

Then again, if you’re a Giants fan you’re probably glad I’m picking them last. I mean, look how it turned out last time.